 Welcome to Making a House at Home with myself, Sana'a Araji and Fahim Muhammad, our guest who is an NLP practitioner and a qualified life coach. Assalamu alaikum. Alaykum, Sana'am. Now, today the topic we're going to be discussing is Pride and Arrogance. Could you dive all into that and just explain to us what you mean by that? Yes, of course. Imam Ali Alayh Assalam did say that do not become obstinate such as one will meet destruction. So basically one who considers himself greater than another, especially when they think that there's no one above them. So that is very obvious as to how we can describe pride and arrogance in the most basic sense. And there's lots of examples that Imam Ali Alayh Assalam did give us in the hadith, which I'd like to read. Two things cause people to be destroyed, fear of poverty and seeking superiority through pride and also avoiding self-admiration and in the stainage with everything that this generation is used to with selfies and social media and it's all about being self-centered. It's very difficult because that pride and that arrogance, there's a fine line as to being confident and having self-esteem and being motivated and driven and then carrying that forward to having that pride and that arrogance. So we need to distinguish that so that we don't fall into that. We don't fall into that sort of category of basically having that too much of loving ourselves to the extent where we think we are more and better than somebody else by putting them down or seeing them to be less than us. That's the difference. You can strive to be good, you can strive to be on top of your game and being the best of the best but not having to step on someone to do it or belittle someone to do it. Now that's the difference. And even Imam Sa'a Alayh Assalam has said just having a little bit of arrogance in your heart will not allow you to be entered into gender, into heaven. So even though we might make it as something trivial, it's actually really big and it could lead to a lot of problems in the homes, within our families, within even our work. And it's so funny because in this day and age, I just remember watching The Apprentice, I don't know if you're aware of the show, where people have to boast about themselves and have that much confidence but it comes to borderline as in they are better than anyone and they will even, you know, basically, I don't know, run them down in order to get to the top. Yeah, step on them to get up. Step on them, exactly. And I'm just wondering like this is a society today that we're living in our cultures that are mixed and with different backgrounds and how we have to be in business, not just in our homes. It does tend to filter in our personalities, even if we're not that, that we feel we have to strive to that, you know, in order to be, you know, confident at work and be seen to be given a particular position because we hold that particular trait. Yeah, they say it's a dog eat dog world out there. Yeah. So some people literally live upon that, you know, saying and they will strive to be better than others because they think that if they don't, then they're going to be pushed aside. I know there are some professions that you do need, for example, being a surgeon is very male dominated. And women tend, unfortunately, I was watching a documentary about and women tend to not survive in that type of environment because the men are so competitive, they're so arrogant and they have so much pride in what they do that the women, the women tend to not have that naturally within themselves. They try to, they try to feel, they feel a bit kind of intimidated when it comes to these issues. So I know there are some professions which require you to be arrogant sometimes. Probably even in like sort of, in like the city, you know, with investment banking and in, you know, in law firms and accountancy and a lot of the city firms, you know, you find that. And yes, there are male dominant, but I find there's a lot of women out there now that are catching up and they're being very, you know, powerful and empowering and they're screaming their way through. But at the same time, you know, that can actually also make them, you know, think that they got to be in that way and you don't. That's the difference. That's what I want to raise is that you don't need to equal, you know, be equal to them. You don't have to be, you know, the same as them in order to get somewhere. That might be the stepping stone in some cases in order to get through the door. But people want to work with people that are actually kind, nice and generous, that they can trust, that are honest, that are a team player. And that's what is the survival in the long term. And that pride and that arrogance, if it's not genuine self-esteem and confidence, will actually drive you backwards. And that's the difference and people need to be aware of that, especially when you're young and up and coming and you finish your university and you want to go out there in the big, wild world and you think of all these personalities that we see on the media. And this is how we have to be as an individual in order to be successful. I find that the complete opposite. You know, you need to be stern and you need to be firm without pride and arrogance, you know. And even in psychology, even in self-development books, a lot of gurus that are from that field would advise people that are successful are the ones that are striving for a more meaningful life, a more purposeful life and they have some sort of like fulfillment in their job and their career and even with their families. And that's what gets them forward, not dropping people, not putting them down, not stepping on them. In fact, actually, psychologists do say the people that have got that pride and arrogance as we see it to be in that way have a lot of, you know, doubt within them and that's like a cover-up. So in order to address this, we need to think that the ones that's the loudest in the room, not necessarily the most confident, even the bullies that are bullying, for example. They're not necessarily the ones that are the most happiest at homes because they're probably being bullied themselves in a lot of cases and they do it to somebody else. So we need to analyze the psychological effects and the reasons and the meaning behind all of this and, you know, pride is a state of self-esteem and perceived as like, you know, self-worth for some extension and the difference between pride and self-esteem needs to be sort of, you know, distinguished. So when you have like low self-esteem, that means you're not happy. You don't feel like your health and your relationship is satisfying. And basically, you know, people that are really confident are someone who is happier and someone who is more fulfilled and but someone who is boastful and they want to sort of, you know, even if they see a sad situation, they want to enhance it by saying, well, actually, you know, your house is not that big, but my house is massive, for example, you know, or my car is this, you know, you know, that person doesn't have it and you want to be boastful because you really want to really rub it in them. Now that is something which you find a lot, you know, come and see my house, come and see my business, come and see this and, you know, you're posting up on Instagram and Facebook and things like that because, you know, there's a meaning behind it. There's a reason behind it because you want also some sort of like, you know, self-actualization as to, you know, I'm here. This is me. Look at me. This is who I am. But that's also when we analyze that that's because there's a deeper meaning and need for that individual to be that way. Because if you are really confident, if you really do have self-esteem, you don't need approval from anyone else, not necessarily, you know, the ones that are important and the ones that are needed and you don't need to be shouting the loudest, speaking in the highest voice. And, you know, when you walk into a room where, you know, you feel that you've got to, you know, enter it in such a way that everyone sees you because there are people that have a certain walk even nowadays when they enter a room, which shows them to be in a particular character, which, you know, brings about a different, you know, sort of way of being. And some people might admire that. Other people want to step away from it. So they want to be acknowledged as this person has entered the room. What why do they need to feel that they need to be acknowledged? Exactly. We need to go behind that. And we should have pride, of course, you know, that gives us standards and levels in which we, you know, which is in keeping with our values. But then in psychology, distinguish two kinds of two kinds of pride. One is called authentic pride, where, you know, it's basically related to social desirability with regards to personality traits. So if you're, like, agreeable, you know, emotionally sort of stable, things like that, you know, because you're just like, you know, you're just loving life, you know, you have pride in having a certain way, a certain standard, a certain level, because, you know, that gives you fulfillment because you think that's, you know, that's, gives me some sort of, like, standard and level of success, you know, in any way. And even in your relationship, you know, you have pride because, you know, you feel proud of being with a particular person. Their smile is your proud, you know, is your pride, for example. In fact, most households should think like that, and they will have better relationships, knowing how the other person feels and trying to make the other person feel in a particular way, because that's you being, you know, at your best, you know, to provide that smile, to provide that happiness for your partner, for your spouse, for your children, that should give you pride. And then there's hubristic pride, which tends to involve egotism, arrogance, and that relates to something obviously socially, you know, undesirable, and, you know, basically belittling someone, you know, showing that actually, you know, you don't really have that self-esteem because you need someone to be below you in order for you to look higher. Okay, yeah. And we do it naturally. A lot of the times we think, oh, it's natural, it's normal to know if someone's, you know, arrogant and have pride, but actually no, because it's actually coming into everyday living and everyday habits, because of the way in which we are socially adapting to this generation. So sometimes you may not be aware that you're doing it at times. Having vanity as well, you know, especially now. That's very common now, because of, yeah, exactly. But you know what, it depends, like, how you look at it. Because personally, I would say I, you know, post a lot in the social media, and, you know, it's selfies, it's whatever. And, you know, I get the attention because people want to see your face. I'm the brand for my business, being a life coach, you know, I'm in particular way, and that's what sells my service is because of who and what I am. People can look at it in another way and say, well, it's just you or whatever it may be. But so it's also a way of looking at things. And it is something that you have to be careful with. So people don't like to see people above them. Yeah. And people don't like to, you know, see other people bring other people down. And I just think that when you are home, as much as you might even want to have a persona of having that confidence, pride and arrogance to a certain extent in order to help you achieve in your business or whatever profession you're in, in your home, you need to be very, very different. And it's about having confidence and ability to work within your family as one. And to bring that home together where no one's feeling above or, you know, below anybody for whatever reason, whether it's status, whether it's their grades, even with children, you know, it's really important that we address this because we don't realize that we are actually putting someone down and we are actually emotionally hurting them. Because we are picking on certain things and their flaws and you can do that to boost them, but there's a way in which you do it. With every child that is, they have a different type of personality. So you have to tweak it to how they are. It's absolutely competition within siblings as well. It can be good, but it can also go back. So if it becomes more pride and arrogance over another, then obviously they've gone towards the negative direction. But competition sometimes can be good. Yes, and healthy for the children. But I guess, don't you say we need to identify in the home that it isn't going towards the negative side? Absolutely. And arrogance is a character flaw. It's really a dark personality trait. And we all have a potential of a particular, you know, sort of, you know, tendency of being arrogant to a certain extent. But in people with half strong fear of showing vulnerability and arrogance become that dominant pattern. So there is a pattern that psychologists have identified for people that have this extreme arrogance. And it's really begin yourself up in public, you know, to show yourself to be more and to give yourself, you know, something, you know, which people will, you know, give you that attention and it's for your own self, really. And that's another thing. There's also our arrogance involves following components which are like, you know, if they had any early negative experiences in their lives, so then now they're adults, they have the ability to maybe show off a little bit more to sort of make up for the the mishappings, you know, in the in the past. So that's where arrogance can also come in. So you think that it's just a personality trait, but there is deep rooted issues that may have occurred for them to be in that particular way. OK, so people that have arrogance and pride, they're not necessarily the ones that are actually the most confident, the most, you know, having the most high self esteem. They've actually come from backgrounds, probably that, you know, there's a misconception of the nature of themselves, OK, you know, or a life or others, for example, and they actually might have even a constant fear of insecurity for them to constantly feel the need to have this. So it's kind of they could use it as a way to cover up. It is a cover up, yes, absolutely that. Yes, that's exactly what the next point is, like it's a persona to hide all of, you know, the above that we've just mentioned, you know, in adulthood. So, you know, we we don't just disregard people with arrogance as in, oh, they're just, you know, horrible people. They are probably suffering inside to a certain extent, especially if it's to that degree. And it's something that's so continuous. And a lot of times when clients come to me that are high performers in their field, they are lacking in something in their home life, or it's running away from something in their home life or in their personal life. And that's why they never have that full satisfaction of happiness and fulfillment. That's why as individuals, we need to be so careful what we perceive as happiness and fulfillment, and we will go in directions to get it, thinking that that's the way forward when actually we're just suppressing what we actually do feel and need to deal with. So there are definitely, you know, stages that children even in early age, you know, they want attention, for example. And if there's more than one sibling, then they don't get the attention that that could even bring about the fact that they want to be an adult which has all that power, all that attention, or, you know, they will build themselves to be a particular personality to gain what they didn't gain when they were younger. And you do find, you know, for example, I remember even being in school myself, you will always get the quiet one, you'll get the most intelligent one, you'll get the one that reads a lot, and you'll get the one that's the clown in the classroom. The one that's the clown in the classroom is always making jokes, always laughing. And psychologists do say the ones that laugh the most, the little things even, even not the one that's making the joke, but the one that laughs the most at the littlest things is the one that has a need for something, and they're lacking love. So, you know, they will just show themselves to always be happy, and they'll laugh at the most simplest things. So they'll laugh it off in a way. They laugh it off because they're covering up again. They truly feel. Yes. So there's many strategies to being arrogant, and the messages are conveyed to the world. I mean, they will even outright, you say, well, I'm not arrogant, I'm just, you know, confident, but you need to know the difference between the two. Even confidence can be loud and can be miscrewed for arrogance, to be honest. A lot of people find, especially when they, you know, strong, independent, confident women, and if they come across with information in their conversations to be, you know, something which is like, you know, upfront, or controversial, or they're willing to address certain things, they are now labeled as being arrogant, especially in the case of women. So, you know, that is something also that, you know, but there is a mask there, that's the thing. When you're truly arrogant, it's a mask for something much deeper inside. It's a point in the air. It's something that we need to extinguish, because it can affect our mental state. And actually, when you think you've got people around you, because sometimes people are drawn to people that are loud and arrogant and whatever it may be for certain reasons, because they're in a particular position and they're drawn to certain people, but those people that they're drawing towards them, not necessarily are the right type of people. And they're not the true friends or the true supporters or the true team that they need around them. And then when they do feel that they need to turn to somebody, they don't have that real quality friendships because they're not drawing the right people towards them. Yeah, of course. I don't think pride and arrogance really is focused on as much as other issues because we just think, oh, that person's just, they're a bit arrogant. Okay, forget about it. We don't discuss it and we don't divulge into that much. Yeah, to know that there's an issue. There's an underlining issue. There's an underlining issue. But we don't realise that we might just automatically stereotype it as being a negative thing as, oh my God. Or we'll stay away from them sometimes, exactly. That's so true. But we need to have, we need to also, before we end, I know we're coming to the end, but to be honest, it's really important that we need to overcome this arrogance by trying to help them and having humility ourselves if we feel that we have got arrogance and to surround ourselves with people that we admire in the correct way. So that, inshallah, we can build ourselves to having better personalities and traits ourselves which we will create a system and a sort of a field around us that's actually healthy for our mental state. Okay, and I guess not take it so personal, because I mean, for me personally, if I come across someone who I feel is a bit arrogant, I wouldn't confiscate as much with them because I'd feel a bit uncomfortable. I wouldn't know how to approach them. And I would think maybe they've got an issue with me. That's why they're acting like that automatically. But I guess, don't take it personally. Like you said, there are empathisers with them. They might have issues that we can't see and this is kind of a cover-up for how, you know, how they react to their true identity. Absolutely. But anyway, we have to come to an end. Okay, yeah, we can go on with this. Longer and longer, but thank you so much, Reena. It's again been a fantastic discussion. We're gonna go for a break and inshallah, we'll come back and we'll take some questions from our viewers. As-salamu alaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh. As-salamu alaykum, welcome back to the second part of Making a House a Home, where we've been discussing the topic of pride and arrogance. Now, we're gonna take some questions from our dear viewers, inshallah. And the first view we have is Fatima and she says, my husband's family always show me arrogance because they believe they come from a higher background than me and comments are always made. And most of the time I can handle it by ignoring it, but is there a better way to deal with this? It depends, you know, also we need to know what we distinguish and give meaning to arrogance. Yes, we did describe it in the first half as to what arrogance is and pride and things like that, but you also have to not allow other people's opinions to be, you know, into your own way of being. And that alone, like I said, when there's a fire, you need to be the one to sort of like, you know, put it out and sometimes being humble and being proud as to who you are because you allow the other person to even have that arrogance because you believe in what they're saying and you're allowing them to say, well, oh, my name and my standard and my background and my village is whatever it may be, higher than yours. And if you are feeling that vulnerability when they're saying it, that means you allowing that truth to unfold as it is. But if you were to sort of like generalize and say, well, yes, you know, we all have different, you know, backgrounds and cultures and we come from different things and that's just one aspect that makes someone higher. But I've got other qualities and other things that makes me in a particular way, which is actually of a different level and a standard. And if you yourself believe it, those things don't annoy you because a lot of the times things that annoy us, it's not even about trying to stop the other person doing the wrong. When you believe what they're saying, then it affects you more. It's hard for me to describe this, but I can give you an example. If someone was to say to me tomorrow or that you're not good enough in something, I can either take it as in, I can't believe they're saying that about me because I believe them. Or I can take it as a learning to say, well, what exactly do they mean that I can improve in? Or actually, I believe I'm actually quite okay. And that's your opinion. So there's different ways of dealing with this. And it's hard with family because they can poke constantly and you can't get away from them. We can't choose families. And even if we're married and there's other sect and whatever it may be that we're getting into and there's different cultures that we're getting into. But again, having a strong mindset and having the psychology and the strategies and techniques of being a particular individual allows you to overcome challenges like this. Because these challenges are not gonna go away. If it's not your in-laws, if it's not your relative, if it's not from an outsider, there's always something. It's gonna be picking on the way you speak, the way in which you do certain things in the house or the way in which you dress, anything, anything can be picked upon. People are always looking for that. But you need to be the kind of individual who knows yourself well enough, who respects yourself well enough for who you are, regardless of what level people see it as. Right, right, yeah. And that can make you overcome, not just this, but everything in life. It's because we believe those people and that we get angry with them for saying it out loud. But it's not about saying it out loud, it's about you not believing them. So whether it's said out loud or not, it doesn't make a difference. Maybe do something as well to, after you've realized that you know what, I don't, I'm not gonna listen to them. Distance yourself, yeah. Do something to show them, listen, I've become successful with them as in. What does it mean? Not to boast, but to kind of say, actually I can make something work for me. What they're saying is wrong, I can see it. What's happening with my life and progressing, whether it be. Yeah, because usually people that are from a different background, which is they think they're higher, it normally possesses where they come from other medical backgrounds or they have financial wealth or they've got certain things within them that give them that. Or it's just a name which is widely spread and it's well known, for example. And that's what gives them that sort of pride and arrogance and to show off that we come from here and we are this and we possess this. Or we come from a particular country, class, tribe, whatever it may be. So that's their thing. But like I said, you have to bring something that's your thing, which is different. It may not be the same, which is fine. Clearly it's not gonna be the same. Then to show that you've got that area, but I might be lacking in that, but I've got something else to show like you just described. Exactly, yeah. Don't believe people and don't let them get to you. I know it's so easy, but again, it's like I work with people's mind to help them develop that and to transform them so that they have more belief in themselves no matter what situation they're in. And you get people that come from poor backgrounds, from abusive backgrounds, from broken homes, whatever it may be, and they are really successful. And they are going places and they're doing things because that's their drive. So you don't need to come from greatness and start from greatness to be great. You just gotta have that drive to want it, need it, feel it, believe in it, and you will get it. Insha'Allah, thank you so much for that Behima. Insha'Allah, that helps you, Sister Fatima. Now we have another viewer, Sarah, who says, "'My dad is a very proud man "'and worked very hard his whole life "'to build his success. "'However, I sometimes think that when he speaks, "'it can come across very arrogant "'when he tries to motivate us, "'and we are never doing well enough in our work. "'How can I make him understand that what he says "'puts us down and actually demotivates us "'instead of the opposite?'' That's interesting. A lot of the time we want people to understand us, but it has to come from us understanding them first. Now, firstly, instead of thinking that he is a proud man and it's putting me down, which is probably the truth of how you feel, but at the same time, understand the reasons why he might be that way. Like he's come to probably a stage and age in his life where that's all in the past, but he's still proud and he wants to bring it back and obviously the generations have changed and he's probably still thinking that things are done in the same way and things should be expected in the same way. I'm literally just assuming here, by the way, from what has been said. But I'm just saying that when you address things in a particular way, when anyone addresses you with any information that they come to you, instead of analyzing your feelings towards it, analyze why they're saying it, that automatically removes any thing that you're gonna take personal, firstly. And that's a very good way of controlling your emotion. We get so emotional because of our reactions and our responses. So when you respond, taking away whatever they've said from you onto them, you become someone who is more in control. Saying, okay, why is he saying that? And he's old now, he can't get that back and he wants to do and replicate and maybe clone himself onto you, which is usually the case as well. You know, a lot of, very common, which is nothing, it's harmless as well. But if he's really driving you and he's putting you down, he's like, you never did it the same, make him aware of that too. And show him of the successes that you've actually gauged so far and the fact that you're proud to be able to come and talk to him in that way and the fact that you strive to do certain things. So there's so many things that you can address and do with this scenario. But firstly, have empathy. Empathy and compassion for whoever's talking to you. Because firstly, that's his way of motivating you. It's not really necessarily hurting you. And his way is not your way, but you can educate him and make him aware of that. And secondly, the generation gap is obviously huge. Things are done differently. Things are said differently. You don't need to take it to heart. And if you are taking things to heart a lot, then you gotta analyze yourself as to what are these buttons that are being pushed and pressed towards me. That's giving them and other people control over my feelings and my emotions. We create meaning for ourselves. Life is meaningless. When I say this, people get scared. But it is meaningless only because not that there's no meaning, we create the meaning. So we can recreate even our past from the same situation by giving it a new meaning now. And that is so powerful. And when people tell us things, we believe them again. And we roll with it and we run with it. And that story becomes something so personal. But it's because we've got something within us that we feel that we're not making them proud or we're not good enough. Yeah, we make ourselves vulnerable. We make ourselves vulnerable in that way. And yes, there is a tendency as humans, especially when it comes to close relationships, that we want our parents or whatever it may be to see us in a particular way. But we need to also accept of our abilities and capabilities for who and what we are in that present moment in time. I cannot achieve that right now, but I'm working towards it, I might get there. And if I don't, that doesn't make me a lesser person either. It's not the end of the world, yeah. It's not the end of the world. So analyze your father, figure out where is he coming from with that. Speak to him, tell him how you feel when he talks in a particular way. And what does that mean to you? And analyze yourself. It's like, you know, it may be your father and you've got an excuse to say, well, I want to make him proud, but if anyone else comes and tells you something as well, you know, understand them. You don't need to take everything personally. You don't have to react and respond and make everything about you as well. Even if they're saying it to you, take it as a learning and develop from there. Okay, and try to, when you're discussing it with your father, try and get to their level as in don't just speak really quick or very harshly because if they're older and they're from another generation, they might not react well to that. They'll see that as disrespectful or disobedience. Say it in a manner that would, you know, with empathy, like you were saying. Yeah, wanting more understanding, basically. Yeah, and perhaps they, once your father sees you acting that way, he might start to think, oh, actually, maybe I could have done it, said it in another way or I could have approached this in another way. Well, there's certain things that he's not even aware of that you haven't communicated to him that you've been doing that makes him feel that way. So that will open up another area that you two can discuss and bond and connect and create even a closer relationship because things are always in our mind. That's why even with my clients, I always say whatever's in your mind, write it down. It takes it away from your mind and then you realize it's not that bad and you've dealt with it. It could be even a thought, even at the end of the night and even in our Salah, we always talk about reflecting and giving ourselves time and space. We don't do that. And if we did that and we analyze things and sort of just taking it straight away, dealing with it straight away, not giving yourself some time, then the reaction and the responses are a lot less but when you do it properly and you consider the other person first, even if they've hurt you, understand why that might have happened and what was your responsibility for them to think in that way? That gives you a whole new power that you cannot imagine. Subhanallah, thank you so much for that Insha'Allah, hopefully that's helped our viewer. Now we have a final viewer, Roa, who says, my husband and I have a loving relationship but we have our differences like most couples. However, I feel that in an argument, I'm always the one backing down and apologizing even when I know it's not my fault and I don't want this to continue because I don't want to be seen as weak or walked upon and I need an apology too. How can I get him to see his faults too? Well, when discussing pride and arrogance, there is obviously in a couple of one who is more dominant and more powerful and obviously with something like this you would need some sort of coaching to understand how are you both communicating because obviously if you feel you're the one backing down then your language and your way of speaking and your physiology is not as powerful or it's not being understood or it's not being heard, it's not being expressed in the way you'd like if you feel that it's not coming out always. One or two occasions fine, but if it's always the one that you feel you're backing down then maybe your way of thinking and your arguments are not necessarily met to what you actually believe. It's not informed because we have a mind of what we think and then we express it in our communication but once we express that communication it should give us that peace of mind. It should work hand in hand but if that communication is being out with their spoken and it's still not giving you that peace of mind and satisfaction then the two is not being met and I work with people to help them with their language, clean language. There's a book called Clean Language actually it helps you a lot as to how to communicate and how to be specific, how to be precise, how to be able to unravel what's in your mind and clearly express it so somebody else understands and when they understand you more likely will come to decisions and come to the end of that conversation where there is satisfaction regardless of the result but even if you don't get what you want you know there was understanding, you know there was someone listening, you know there was someone who was actually getting you. So communication is not just speech. You gotta know how to use the language, the kind of language and express that in a particular way that you are actually influencing someone else as well. Influencing is so important and our P in Neuro-Linguistic Programming it has instances and strategies and techniques in there where we help people influence each other and we do this in various ways. So you know your communication skill need to be really on point, you know on top when you want to get anything that you want and sometimes you can influence people without speaking. Yeah, it's not just verbal, it's body language, facial expressions, eye contact, all these things. Your actions, yes, your actions as well how you are responding as a human, how you are, you know when we don't get our way it shows there's a weakness within us or it shows that we don't want it enough as well because sometimes we're just comfortable with the results that we back off and we back down and we give up like how she's just described, I'm always giving up. So you need to have a little bit of urgency as to what you require and if you have that urgency and you create that worth and value in what you mean it will come out in your speech. We have a lot of speakers today as well and that alone is something that you will see the successful ones that people are really drawn to to listen to you and the ones that are not and what is it, do you think it's content? Hardly, because we all can get the content and we can Google stuff. It's the way in which it's said. What I'm saying right now and someone saying exactly the same thing next to me will come out totally different. I'm not saying I'm gonna get the massive viewers hopefully I do but I know what gets the massive viewers is you feeling passionate about something, you believing in something, you feeling something and you express that because of that inside belief that you have initially. So when you speak, speak from authenticity and be congruent then you'll never feel that you've backed down in an argument or you've come away from it not being fully satisfied. I know not everyone has that power but you can learn it and you can, there are traits within us that even if we're not powerful speakers but we can find ways to express ourselves where we want something we will get it through our speech. Insha'Allah, that's great. I myself have taken a lot from that. So insha'Allah that helps our dear viewer to deal with those issues but unfortunately we have come to an end of the show again and for the time has just gone by, but insha'Allah everyone's benefited from the subject that we've discussed with Fahima and thank you so much for discussing the topic and insha'Allah hopefully we'll see you again for another episode of Making a House a Home.