 J-E-L-L-O! The Jell-O program starring Jack Benny with Mary Livingston, Phil Harris, Kenny Baker, and yours truly, Don Wilson. The orchestra opens a program with You've Got Everything. Do you remember this popular song called You've Got Everything? Well, you know, that song might well have been dedicated to Jell-O, for really, there is one dessert that does have everything. Color, bright, sun-shiny, and gay. Flavor, extra-rich, cool, and refreshing, as tempting as the real ripe fruit. Ease and speed, for Jell-O dissolves instantly and sets quickly. Economy, Jell-O costs only a few cents a package, and one package serves the average family generously. And variety, for Jell-O offers you dozens and dozens of delicious new dishes. Serve it plain in a colorful mold of beauty. Garnish it with whipped cream or any seasonal fruits. Use it for salads, for Jell-O makes swell salads that even the men folks go for. Yes, sir, one box of Jell-O is filled with real kitchen magic, the kind that every busy woman appreciates. So ask your grocer tomorrow for Jell-O. Look for those big red letters on the box. They spell Jell-O, and Jell-O spells a treat. That was You've Got Everything, played by the orchestra. Now, ladies and gentlemen, we bring you Hollywood's newest glamour boy, Jack Benny. Thank you, Jell-O again. This is Jack Benny talking. And Don, I appreciate you're calling me a glamour boy, but really, that's not quite my classification. Oh, it isn't? No, Don, according to the latest publicity from Paramount, I'm the oomph man. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Oomph. A oomph man. Yeah, you see, Don, a glamour boy is merely good looking. But when a star has, in addition to that, a certain charm and appeal to women, then he becomes an oomph man, which is me. You better stay out of the hot sun, brother. Oh, you're here already. Listen, Phil, I'm not a fortune teller, and I'm not psychic. But I see you soon scattering your brilliant remarks in greener pastures. And hello. You know, Don, ever since we switched the ending of the picture, Man About Town, and I marry Dorothy Lamour, Phil has been a wrecked. So jealous, because I'm a ladies' man. Me jealous? Why, every girl you go up with regards you as a big brother. Well, that's part of my technique. I sneak up on him. So don't be so sour grape-sy. Oh, by the way, Jack, last week you had an argument with the studio about Rochester. Are you going to let him be in the picture? Rochester? Oh, he's in it already, Don. And am I having trouble with him at the house? The heirs he's been putting on. Oh, getting ritzy, huh? Ritzy bought a sport coat yesterday with three belts in the back. Not only that, it's getting so he won't wear anything, but silk underwear. Well, it's all right for him to wear silk underwear, isn't it? Not when the monogram says JD. No, sir. Jack, I can't understand why you keep Rochester when he causes you so much trouble. Why don't you fire him? Oh, I can't. You see, he found the treasure map of my backyard and won't give it back. But I'll get him in time. Hello, Jack. Oh, hello, Mary. Say, Mary, have you heard the latest? They changed the ending of the picture, and instead of Phil getting Dorothy Lamour, I'm the one that marries her. Yes, I know. She's sick about it. She's nothing of the kind. You're just making that up, because Dorothy happens to be very fond of me. In fact, the other day, she gave me an autograph, Sarong. How do you look in it? Gorgeous. Are you surprised? Oh, Mary, Jack's got a new one. He says that everybody at Paramount's calling him the oomph man. Yeah, but did Jack tell you how he got the title? Quiet. The director punched him in the stomach, and he went oomph. That's not the reason at all. They call me the oomph man, because in this picture, I'm Viral and rugged. Oh, yeah? Tell them what happened when you shot the wedding scene yesterday afternoon. Oh, well, that was just a novelty. That's all. Something different. What was it, Mary? Yeah, tell them. Oh, well. After Jack marries Dorothy, he's supposed to pick her up in his arms and carry her across the threshold. Mary. Well, Jack tried and tried, but he couldn't lift her. And what happened? She carried him across. Mary, I told you it was just a novelty, something original. Well, say, Jack, did you feel kind of silly being carried in the girl's arms? Well, I didn't mind being in her arms, Dom, but when she started to rock me, I thought that was going to be fine. Anyway, let's drop the whole thing, because we've got an important sketch to do tonight. Where's Kenny? Hey, Kenny? Kenny? What? It's time for your song. Well, wait till I get through. The drummer's teaching me how to play poker. I'll tell him to give you your shirt back and come over here. OK. Phil, I wish you'd tell your boys not to take advantage of Kenny. He's too young to gamble. Oh, yeah? I got over 1,000 marbles hit under my mattress. I don't care what you've got. I don't want you learning how to play cards. Hmm, I got a fine chance to grow up around here. Never mind. I don't want any more gambling. Now go ahead, young man, and sing your song. I will not. You will too. I'll tell you what, I'll match it. Two songs or nothing. Kenny, sing your song and not another word out of you. Hold it a minute. There's the phone. I bet five bucks it's for me. Quiet. Hello? Yes? Oh, he's right here, Mrs. Wilson. It's for you, Don. It's your wife. Oh, thanks. Hello, dear. Yes, I know we're having company for dinner. Oh, that's up to you, dear. Any flavor will do. Well, strawberry or raspberry would be swell. Don, we've got a long play to do. We haven't had cherry in a long time. What about orange, darling? Don, we've got a long play to do. Oh, I know. Let's have lemon. Don't forget lime. You might as well get them all in. Well, look, sweetheart. It's all up to you. If you want a real tempting and economical dessert. Give me that phone. Hello, Mrs. Wilson. Look for the big red letters on the box and hang up. We've got a play to do. Sing, Kenny. That was a frame up if I ever heard one. When the sombre shadows of the night grow dim, and the daylight dawns on the hillock's brim, in the black of the night by the light of the moon, on the top of the day when the clock is at noon, no matter what the hour, I'm a slave in the grip of your pan-colly mood. Forever haunts me, steals upon me in the night. Forever taunts me, oh, what a lonely soul am I, stranded high and dry by melancholy mood. Gone is every joy and inspiration. Tears are all I have to show. No consolation, all I can see is grief and gloom, till the crack of doom, oh, melancholy mood. Deep in the night, I search for a trace of a lingering kiss, a warm embrace. But love is a whimsiest flimsiest lace, and my arms embrace. Why must you blind me, pity me and break the chains? The chains that bind me, won't you release and set me free? Bring her back to me, oh, melancholy mood. Night I search for a trace of a lingering kiss, a warm embrace. But love is a whimsiest flimsiest lace, and my arms embrace. Why must you blind me, pity me and break the chains? The chains that bind me, won't you release and set me free? Bring her back to me, oh, melancholy mood. Melancholy mood sung by Kenny Baker. And Kenny, that was a swell song, a natural for you. I threw a seven, huh? Kenny. And now, ladies and gentlemen, we have a great treat and store for you. Last week, the Benny Gypsies gave you their interpretation of Gangadine, which took place in far away India. And tonight, to show you that we get around, we take you to Boston, Massachusetts, and present our version of Daryl Ebsanik's outstanding 20th Century Fox production, that grand tribute to a great man and famous scientist, Alexander Graham Bell. Thank you. Can I go home now, Mr. Benny? I'm all in. Not yet, Jojo. Now, as you all know, Donna Michi portrayed the famous inventor in the picture. So in our version, I will naturally play the title role. May I ask why? Certainly. Now, this picture also featured, I said, why should you be Alexander Graham Bell? Well, for one thing, Phil, the part fits me. I used to be an inventor myself. Wasn't I merry? Oh, Jack, you weren't the first one to think of putting a mousetrap in a wallet. I don't mean that. Years ago, when I was in the Navy, I invented a chin rest for portholes. They went over very big. Now, getting back to our play, Mary, you will be my wife. As portrayed on the screen by that sweet, gorgeous, beautiful, and talented young actress, lovely Loretta Young. Well, if you think she's so good, why didn't you get her? Don't think I didn't try. You were quite good friends, you know, but she had a previous engagement. Listen, Dreamer, you're not even acquainted with Loretta Young. I'm not, eh? Might interest you to know, Phil, that I've got Loretta's address right in my little book. What book? Guide to the movie star's homes. I mean my little red book. Now, Kenny. Yes, Jack? Kenny, when the play opens, I'm a poor, struggling inventor, and you're a wealthy businessman who finances my experiments. Do you think you can handle it? I'll lay you three to one, I can. Now, Kenny. The last time, I don't want to hear another word about gambling. You're too young. Anyway, you're going to be my backer. And as I was saying, Mary, you're going to be my patient, loyal wife. We've had a hard struggle. I'm trying to invent the telephone, and everybody thinks I'm a madman. They think I'm eccentric. They think I'm crazy. But you, my little wife, what do you think? What do you think? Mary, will you please get in the mood for Pete's sake? Now, the locale. Say, Alexander, am I going to be in this? Yes, Phil. You're going to be my assistant who helps me invent the telephone. But, Jack, I'm a musician, not a mechanic. Listen, Phil, I'd rather have you tinker with my toaster than tamper with Tannhauser. Any day. Now, our dramatic offering will go on immediately after a number by, oh, come in. Hello, Mr. Billy. Hello, Rochester, what do you want? Say, boss, are you in a pleasant frame of mind this evening, or are you cloaked in bloom? I'm feeling very good, Rochester. Why? Well, I got some news that may turn your damper down. What? What are you talking about? Boss, remember when you and I were driving down to the studio in your car tonight? Yes. And when the motor kept stalling, you got mad and said, you wish somebody would steal this thing? Yes. Well, hallelujah, you're a pedestrian. A pedestrian? That's from the Latin. I know where it's from. You mean to say somebody stole my car? Well, all I know is I parked the car in front of the studio and went across the street to buy a cigar. Uh-huh. And when I got back, there was nothing there but the anchor. Oh, that's awful. Now, who? Who would want to steal my car? Somebody that goes, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub. That'll be funny. My car has been stolen, and it's nothing to clown about. Tell me, Jack, did you have any insurance on it? Only tornado. Ding the luck. Rochester, this is all your fault. I'm sorry, boss. Well, it's too late now to be sorry. Now, I want you to go right down to the police station and report the loss. Hurry up. I ain't going near that police station. Why not? I'm behind in my alimony. Alimony? Why, Rochester, I didn't know you'd been married. Oh, boss, repeatedly. Well, that's your business. Now, get going. OK, goodbye. So long. Oh, say, Rochester, I see you're playing a part in our picture. Yeah, that's right. How you coming along? Mr. Hess, I'm in the groove on the beam and darn victory, so long. He's the biggest ham I ever saw. The biggest, Jack? Yes, the biggest. I'm going to get that car back if I have to offer a reward. Play, Phil. Now, where would I go if I were a Maxwell? Snug is a bug in the rug whenever you hold me tight. Cozy and warm on the chilly as night. Just as snug as a bug in the rug Whenever I feel your kiss and talk about home, home is never like this. First your rhymes come stealing and my heart goes on the roller coaster. Then I get that feeling like a little piece of toast in a toaster. Gee, but my life would be cold without your delicious hug. Keeping me snug as a bug in the rug. That was snug as a bug in a rug played by a mug and his lugs. How was that, Phil? Thanks for the plug, slug. Going from that neat bit of comedy to our dramatic highlight of the season, we are now going to offer our contribution to the annals of scientific progress. That epic of American ingenuity, Alexander Graham. Bell, wait for me. Now, the locale of our play is Boston, Massachusetts in the year 1870. The scene is the little attic laboratory where we find Professor Bell and his assistant, Mr. Harris, working feverishly on their great invention, the telephone. Mrs. Bell has just entered the room, curtain, music. I'll take it. It's residents. No, you can't talk to him. He's busy inventing the telephone. Goodbye. I'll say I am. Oh, Mr. Harris. Mr. Harris. Yes, Professor Bell. I think I've got something here. Hand me that duplex circuit repeater in the multiple induction coil. I'll attach them to the supervisory electromagnetic oscillator. You're kidding. I am not. Now, give me a hand. Give me a hand with this quadruplex frictional deflector. OK, here's the metallic cylindrical felicitator. What's that? The screwdriver. Oh, trying to top me, eh? Wait a minute. I'll use this little hammer. There, that's coming along all right. Say, Alex, I wish you'd hurry up and invent this telephone. A blonde gave me her number this morning, and I want to call her up. Has she got a friend? Oh, and she's gorgeous. Oh, what am I rushing for? I'm married. I'm so absent-minded. But I'll tell you one thing, Harris. We've got to work fast, and we expect any more help from our financial baker, Mr. Backer. I mean, our financial backer, Mr. Baker. Now, help me with this vacuum generator. Oh, darling, you look tired. You're working too hard, Alex. Much too hard. I am? Yeah, look at those bags under Harris' eyes. Oh, well, he got those on his own time. But, darling, I must work hard. I know it's a mad dream. I know it sounds impossible. But I'm going to invent the telephone, or my name ain't Alexander Graham Bell. Come on, Harris. Let's get to work. Come in. Well, what's this? This is the laboratory. Oh, pardon me. Turn these interruptions. Harris. Mr. Harris. Harris, hand me that enunciator, Magneto. Here you are. Now, hand me that vibrator. OK, Alex. Did you have a good time last night? No, it still won't regenerate. They were? Hand me some more of that copper wire. Here you are, Professor. Well, look, Barbara, we'd love to come over. But Alex is still working on that invention of his. How's it coming, Professor? I'm afraid it won't work, Harris. I'm afraid it's a failure. Oh, it's some gadget he calls a telephone. But it'll never be a success. I've got another idea, Harris. Hand me that real stack. All right, Barbara, I'll call you later. Goodbye. I don't know, Harris. The more I work on this, the tougher it seems to get. Sometimes I get so discouraged. Don't give up, Prof. I won't. Come in. Well, hello, Mr. Baker. Hello, Alex. How's everything coming along? I'm making great progress, Mr. Baker. Great progress. You see, it's my theory that if I could make a current of electricity vary in intensity, precisely as the air varies in density during the production of multiple sounds, I should be able to transmit speech electromagneticly. Oh, you can talk, planar nat. But unfortunately, Mr. Baker, my financial resources are depleted. And before I can continue with my experiment, I must have additional monetary aid. You mean more cash-a-roo? That's a bull's-eye if I ever heard one. Well, how much do you want? $4 million. What? Oh, I know. I know that sounds like a lot. But you've already given me $32. What's $4 million? What do you say? Why don't you gamble with me? You said I was too young. That was in the first routine. Oh, Mr. Baker, if I don't get the money from you, where else can I get it? You mean I'm the only sucker in the world? Yes. All right, then, Alex, I'll give it to you. Hooray! Did you hear that, darling? Did you hear that, Harris? He's going to give us $4 million. Here you are, Professor. $1, $2, $3, $4, $5, $6, $10. Two years later. $1,993, $1,994, $1,995. $1,999. Four years later. $3,999,998. Yes. $3,999,999. Yes, yes. And $0.40. I don't think I can make it. Well, that's close enough. Thanks. Well, I've got to go now. Goodbye. Oh, wait a minute, Mr. Baker. Where can I reach you in case I need you again? In the poor house, so long. Oh, boy, $4 million. I wonder how you could carry so much money in his pockets. He's got two pair of pants. Oh, well, Harris, we've got the money. You know what that means? You know what all this money means to us? Yes, I can tie a can to my orchestra. Yes, thank heaven. And it also means that I can finish my work, complete my invention. The telephone must and will be perfected. Let's go. Six weeks later, and on March 10th, 1876, in the public auditorium in Boston, Massachusetts, the first telephone accrued instrument stands on the desk before Professor Bell. For the first time in history, he is about to transmit the human voice. Quiet, gentlemen, please. I've got a chance. Now, gentlemen, all I ask of you is to have patience. You are about to witness the most amazing demonstration of our time. Gentlemen, please. Bring it on. What are you stalling for? Yippee! Young man, I'm introducing a telephone, not a fan dancer. Now, gentlemen, in just a moment, I will transmit my voice by wire to Professor Homer J. Osgood, who is waiting on the under end of this line in Baltimore. 500 miles away. 500 miles. Silence, please. All right, gentlemen, the experiment begins. Mr. Harris, lift the receiver. Yes, Professor. Hello. Hello, Baltimore. Baltimore, hello. Hello, Baltimore. Hello, Baltimore. This will work. This must work. Hello, Baltimore. Baltimore, hello. Did you put a nickel in? Quiet. Gentlemen, please. Please give me a chance. Hello, hello, Baltimore. Baltimore, hello. Boston Meat Market, your order, please. Get off the line. I want Baltimore. Don't worry, gentlemen, I'll get it. Hello, hello, Baltimore. Hello, hello. Jell-O. I said hello. And I said Jell-O. Hang up. I want Baltimore. Don't get disgusted, gentlemen. This will work. This must work. Hello, hello, Baltimore. Baltimore, hello. Baltimore, hello. Hello, hello, hello. Hello, friends. At last. Yes, at last. Professor Osgood, can you hear me? What? I said can you hear me? Am I coming over? Don't come over this week. We got relatives. I mean, am I coming over the wire? Can you hear my voice? What? My voice, my voice. Oh, my voice, fine. He's in college. No, no, no, not your voice, my voice. Sound, sound. That's what I said, my son's in college. Look, Professor Osgood. This is Alexander Graham Bell talking. This is important. This is for the advancement of science. Now, if you can hear me, repeat this sentence. I hear you clearly. Have you got that? I hear you clearly. I love you dearly. Hooray! There you are, gentlemen. The telephone is a success. Hooray! Brian, what a dramatic situation. What a picture this would make. I'll buy it. Thank you, Mr. Zanik. Play, Phil. I bet a lot of you men heard this line today. Say, daddy, can we please go for an automobile ride? Well, next time that happens and you get home kind of tired and hot, ask your wife for this cool, refreshing jello dessert, jello a la bode. She won't mind for it's quick and easy to make. Dissolve one package of raspberry jello in one pint of hot water. Turn into a shallow pan and chill until firm. Then take a sharp knife and cut the jello into shimmering rose red cubes. Pile the jello cubes into sherbet glasses and top with the vanilla ice cream. Or do it the other way around. Place the ice cream in sherbet glasses and top with jello cubes. It's a swell hot weather dessert and one that's bound to be popular. But here's a special word to wives. Be sure to make your jello a la bode with genuine jello if you want that tempting, delicious, extra rich flavor. That colorful summertime beauty. Ask your grocer tomorrow for raspberry jello. This is the last number of the 35th program in the new jello series and we will be with you again next Sunday night at the same time. Now come on with me, Mary. I'm going over to the police station to get a squad of men to go out and look for my car. J. Edgar Hoover's in town. Why don't you get him too? He's just the man I need. Good night, folks. J. G. L. L. O. Kenny Baker pairs on the jello program for courtesy of Mervyn Leroy production. Smuggler's A Bug is from the film The Gracie Allen Murder Case. This is the national broadcasting company.