 The Anderson family. Oliver, did you know the Meisters have taken in a new rumor? Yeah, Pop, he's been all over the world. He's a great hunter, too. What's he hunting for at the Meister home? Just wait till you've met him. He bows from the waist and clicks his heels. Probably has broken arches. Oliver Anderson, that's not the way to talk. Now, what way do you want me to talk? Uh-oh, here we go again, folks. Let's visit the Anderson family. Well, this whole thing started when Homer Meister, the neighbor next door, rented a room to a man he had just met. Mary is explaining to Oliver just what Martha Meister had told her about the new rumor. But he seems to be a very cultured person, Oliver. And has he been around? Europe, Africa? Gee, everywhere. Homer wants him to have a home. What's the matter? Did the pool hall burn down? Now, that's a fine remark. You've never met him. I don't want to meet him. Now, look, Mary, I have something important to talk about if you can tear yourself away from this Meister's rumor for a minute. Important? Yes. You know, we talked about a piano for Junior. A piano? Oh, swell, Pop. Well, I found one today at the piano store. $300. Why, Oliver, that's cheap. If the piano's any good. Sounds all right. The young lady played a couple tunes on it for me. Young lady? What was she wearing? Oh, I didn't notice. Just black dress, nylon hose. Nylon hose? Well, sure. I know nylon when I look at it. Now, about the piano. Oh, well, it's a swell little upright. I've had my eye on it for a week. Gee, Pop, buy it. Well, I'll see. Now, if we can have it quiet for a minute. Let's see how our money stands. Oh, we have the $300. It's Homer. Come on in. Oh, thanks, thanks, Mary. I just wanted to bring Mr. Tuttle over and sort of introduce him around. That's fine. Yeah, Mary, you remember Mr. Tuttle? Oh, of course. How do you do? Mr. Zanderson, lovely as a gardener. Oh, thank you. Uh, Oliver's in there. Look here, Tuttle. Now, when you meet this fellow Anderson, you'll be meeting someone. Oh, it's Homer. Yep, yep, yep. Howdy, Oliver. Hi. I want you to meet a bosom pal of mine. Moved in with us yesterday. Oliver, meet Mr. J. J. Tuttle. Greetings, friend and neighbor. Greetings in the top of the day, too. This is indeed one of the most pleasant moments of the day. Won't you sit down, gentlemen? Well, well, we can't stay, Mary. Oh, must you go so soon? You heard what Homer said. He said he couldn't stay. Well, well, sit down, J. J., might as well rest. Look, Homer, we were just discussing something when you came in. Ah, yes. The little family unit. Bye-bye. And this young man's a member of your family? Yes, sir. Hmm. A light little fellow. Junior, dear, take the papers out for mother, will you? Sure. But I'd like to hear more about Mr. Tuttle's tiger hunts. He won't get to that till probably 10 o'clock or after. Yeah, it's sure interesting, Oliver. If he gets to it before 10, call me. Run on now, Junior. Be a good boy. Ah, me. Such a lovely home life. I remember as though it were only yesterday. Esther promised to be my wife. Oh, she spoke English, huh? Esther? Yes, my third wife. Yes, Esther and I decided to buy a little cottage with roses on the porch. And she ran out of money. And she ran out... Yeah. I mean, I can see we're going to have jolly times together. Where is Esther now? Mary. Maybe he'd rather not say. Now, where is she? I often wonder. That is, she's doing well. Yes, we hunted for days for the place to live, but try as we could, we couldn't find a thing. What was wrong? Did they want to rent in advance? Oliver. Mr. Tuttle used to manage a large symphony orchestra. Oh, is that so? That's strange. We were just discussing buying a piano when you came home. Pianos? Mr. Tuttle, if you lift your feet off the radio, I'll put this paper under your shoe to scratch the finish. Paper? Oh, I see. How rude of me. Oh, that's all right. Do you know anything about pianos, Mr. Tuttle? Pianos? I'm familiar with the concert grand. Well, look, we're not getting a concert grand. Yeah, it seems like J.J. could help you on that one, Oliver. No, I've already picked out the one. The one, and I like it. It may help, Oliver, my friend, if you'll present my card to the salesman when purchasing the piano. No doubt he's heard of me, professional discount, you know. Here, my card. Oh, thanks. Actually, it's J.J. Tuttle. It's Will Brutus J. Tuttle. Will Brutus? Yes, but the printer made a mistake, and until the cards are used up, I prefer the shorter or the brilliated J.J. Well, it was nice that you could come over, Mr. Tuttle. Yep, yep, you'll be seeing a lot of him, Mary. You see, he ain't working right now. Oh, well, something will turn up soon, I'm sure. That's what he's trying to avoid, Mary. Yes, I must have a place that's quiet so I can finish my book. Oh, you're writing a book? Yep, yep, sure is. It's all about animals. Well, how wonderful. Yes, it's a brief resume of my hunting trip through the jungles of Sudan about the habits and home life of the animals. Oh. I think their private home life is their own business. Yes, that's true. However, during our dangerous trek through the undergrowth, I was ever alert to dangers. Mabel walked on ahead of me, carrying the camp equipment and tents. Mabel? Yes, Mabel was my second wife, a rather strong young lady. Mabel was a wrestler in the circus. Surely you don't mean your wife was carrying all the equipment and you carried nothing. But my dear young lady, I carried the rifle. We never knew at what moment we would be ambushed by some ferocious beasts. Well, where is Mabel now? Mabel? I really don't know. The last I heard of her, she was engaged to a traffic cop in the Congo. Look, I hate to break up this tour, but I have to go down and take a look at this piano. Yeah, how much are you paying for it, Oliver? 300. That's not too much, is it, Mr. Tuttle? Well, as we say in the French, c'est la guerre beaucoup, which translated means, qui who has gets. Now, look, I found the piano I want and that's the one I'm going to see about. Now, if you'll just excuse me, I think I'll slip on my coat and hat and get down and see that piano again. How do you do, sir? May I help you? Yes, I was looking at a piano in this store this morning. 300 dollars. 300 dollars. What size? Just your ordinary size. Do you see it anywhere on the floor? No, I don't. Well, then it's been sold. Now, let me show you another one for around that price. Here is a knickerbocker upright. I can make you a special on this. Well, isn't that kind of old fashioned with those curved legs? You said 300. Yeah, that's right. Then it's curved legs, my friend. But look, I don't want curved legs. I just want to show you the construction. There you see inside the piano, elliptical sounding board and the foot release on the vibrato. Oh, yeah. Well, does it look to you like all the strings are there? Strings. Yeah. Well, of course, on these cheaper models, we don't guarantee a full set of strings. However, I will tell you this, my friend, the strings that are missing are the B-flat strings. No one hardly ever uses that key anymore anyhow. Oh, I see. Well, how are the C-strings? C-strings? They look pretty substantial. Well, that's good. That's my favorite key. Shall I wrap it up? No, no, wait a minute. That piano over there. How much is that one? That one. Yeah. Oh, I believe that's 650. 650? I've seen them like that for 300. Possibly. But this one is polished. Oh. How about a set of drums? No, no drums. Possibly an accordion. No, look, I want a piano and I'll pay 300 for one and I want it today. Well, let's step in the office and talk to Mr. Broughman. You think he can work out a deal for me? Don't worry. Anyone Mr. Broughman talks to buys a piano. Now, look, Tuttle, let me talk to this woman because I know her and I can get the piano cheaper than you can. Yep. I'll have to work rapidly before Mr. Enderson buys one. Yes? Mrs. Frazier, I'm Homer Meister. I live over on the next street. Martha told me you had a piano out in the garage that you ain't using. Piano? Yep. Well, yes I have, but it ain't for sale. It ain't no good. My husband had it in a soft drink parlour. Well, it's just for a young boy. It wouldn't have to be very good. Well, won't you step in? This is Mr. J. J. Tuttle. He lives over at my house. How'd you do, Mr. Tuttle? It's indeed a pleasure to meet such a charming and gracious lady. Well, thank you. I hesitated to inquire about the piano, but now that I know the real you, the real Mrs. Frazier, I feel that a person of your apparent breeding and culture would cooperate. Well, well, I guess I do want to cooperate. And I know that money means very little to you when you realize that this piano will mean to a small boy. Well, of course, it's been in the family a long time. Yes, I realize. And it's just ordinary wood kind of scratched up a bit. Well, of course, that wouldn't make much difference, neither. And anyhow, I'd hate to let it go for less than fifty dollars. Fifty dollars? It is with heavy heart, Mrs. Frazier, that I turn from your half. Fifty dollars. Those pleading eyes will be turned up to mine in the struggle to hold back the little tears when he realizes that there is no piano for him. It makes me think of that old French proverb. C'est la femme, which translated into English means I'm a dead duck. Well, it ain't that I don't want to give the piano to him. Ah, I knew you were pure gold, Mrs. Frazier. Ah, that I was a marrying kind, and you were free as the very birds which flutter overhead. But it's too late. Lucky Mr. Frazier. Oh, it's been years since I've heard anything like that. Then we can get the piano for him, huh? Yep. Yep, you can't have the piano for ten dollars. Is Pop going to bring the piano home with him, Mom? Well, I'm sure I don't know. I'm determined you're going to have one, so don't worry about it. But gee, isn't three hundred dollars a lot to pay? It's enough, all right. I think if we looked around a bit, we could have done better than that. Oh, this must be Oliver now. Pick up your coat and hat and get that baseball back out of the front room. Oh, it's Mr. Tuttle. Uh, yes, Mrs. Anderson. Well, come in. Where's Homer? Uh, Homer. Oh, yes, Homer. Well, he's making arrangements for the delivery of your piano. Gee, then Pop got it, swell! Uh, this is a different piano, young man. Homer and I felt that three hundred dollars was entirely too much to pay. So I immediately contacted an old friend of mine, a brother lecturer, Professor Scrum, and put it up to Scrum squarely. He didn't dare turn me down. I have a piano for you. Really, Mr. Tuttle? Yes, it's a very rare instrument. It's a genuine Kowa wood. Wood which is brought by the natives in the log to the mills in deepest Africa. It's probably worth thousands. But Professor Scrum and I do little things for each other. So I prevailed upon him to let Junior have the piano for his very own. Oh, why, Mr. Tuttle, how wonderful of you. And genuine Kowa wood, you say? Oh, you shouldn't do this, really. Gee, genuine Kowa wood! Nothing's too good for JJ Tuttle's friends. But isn't this terribly expensive, Mr. Tuttle? Ordinarily, you would never buy a piano of this type. I mean, a piano of this quality. But I have persuaded Professor to part with it for merely the moving fee. A part $350. $150? Gee, mom, let's buy it. Oh, it's not fair, Mr. Tuttle. It is, it is, it is. I shall be very happy if you will just accept it for the small fee, Mrs. Anderson. I like to see the faces of little children light up with happiness. Oh, excuse me, I'll have to answer the phone. Yes, Anderson's. Oh, Mary, this is Oliver. Oh, yes, are you coming home now? Right away, wait till you see the piano I bought. You've already bought it? $50 deposit, the rest on delivery. Well, Oliver, I wish you'd have waited. Waited? No, I lost one piano that way. You have to act fast now if you want anything. But I've already agreed to buy one from Mr. Tuttle. Tuttle, is he still there? Is he rooming with us now? Oliver, please. Don't make a deal till I get home. I'm afraid this won't wait, Oliver. This is a rare opportunity. It's genuine Kowa wood. What's Kowa wood? I don't know. Only that it comes in logs. Now back to the Anderson family. Oliver called Mary to tell her he had arranged for a piano to be sent out for junior, only to find that a Mr. Tuttle, the new roomer in the Meister home, had already promised Mary a piano for half the price. Oh, no, where is this work of art you mentioned on the phone? Mr. Tuttle's gone after it for us. It's owned by some professor, Scrum, I believe he said his name is. How much? Only $150. And you bought it without looking at it? Well, I'm sure it must be lovely. It's a genuine Kowa wood. Kowa wood, huh? Well, we can't use two pianos. Just send the one you bought back to the store. Look, I've already paid $50 on it. They'll keep that. You see what I mean? It's like the lobby of the Ambassador Hotel. I'll see who it is. Anderson! That's right. Are you a new roomer, too? I'm delivering a piano. Sign right here. Wait a minute. I've changed my mind about the piano. You'll have to take it up with the boss. Yes, bring them. Well, I don't want it now. You'll save dough by taking it. This is an as-is deal. I'll take it up with the salesman in the morning. I've bought another piano. Kowa wood. Kowa wood? Never heard of it. Never haven't either. But nevertheless, I'll hold off on this deal till I find out where I stand. Okay, mister. You're the doctor. I'll leave it undetructed. Yeah, I'll be in tomorrow and fix everything up. Well, where were we? Oh, I don't remember. Is the man taking the piano back? Sure. Is it $150 all right? You know, Mary, I don't feel right about this. That's because I showed enough initiative to push on ahead and get a piano for $150 when you were going to pay $300. It's not that. Junior! Yes, Mom! Come in here and help your father move some of this furniture. Move furniture? Yes, I want the piano right there along that wall. The piano hasn't even come yet, Mom. That's all right. I want to put it in the right place while we have some help. Well, it's eight o'clock and no piano, no help or anything. What was that? Well, it's on the porch, whatever it is. Oh, oh, it's Homer. Oh, yep, yep, yep. And Mr. Tuttle. Yeah. Oliver! Come here, hurry! It's the piano. I think the leg went through the porch, Mary. Oh, that's all right, Homer. We can fix that. Can you bring it in? We must be very careful and not scratch the finish, Mrs. Anderson. And it's rather heavy, too. Oh, you got the piano already, huh? Oh, yep, yep. The shoals helped us put it up on the porch. Now, get hold of it with them, Oliver. Yeah. Let's get it off the porch. Cheap or pop, it's sure shiny. Ah, yes, me lad. Nothing like a genuine coir wood. How do you think it'll go through the door? Well, yes, there seems to be a clearance of 30 thou thousands of an inch there. Possibly more. Grab that in there, Homer, and Oliver, you take the back. What are you taking? Oliver, please. Let's get the piano in before it gets damp. And it won't go through the doorway, Mary. Oh, tish-tush, we have plenty of room to spare. Ready, Oliver? Yeah. Yeah, I got my end. Now, look, when I get her started, keep her going. How about this porch? Never mind the porch, dear. You better stand back out the way, Junior. We've got to keep her going when she starts, yeah. But it won't go through. When I say three, everyone exerts themselves to the fullest. Now, one, two, three. Oliver, the whole doorway's ripped apart. Good heavens. I didn't realize our strength. Your strength. However, we have the piano in. That's what matters. The door is open, the casing is out, and I knew it wouldn't go through. Oh, gosh, Oliver, I'm sure sorry about it. I'll bring over my carpet tools tomorrow, and I'll fix it. I won't charge you much. Well, we could just remodel the house. We've got a good start. Look, will you boys push the piano right over against this wall? Yep, yep, you bet, Mary. Oliver, take the back, and I'll take the front end. How about you, Tuttle? Are you on a project? Project? Yeah. Well, I'll be most happy to help. Well, help. Come on, get it rolling. Yeah, come on. I got a push in here. No, Junior, not now. Uh, where's the piano bench? Bench? Good heavens, I must have forgotten it. I consider myself very lucky to get just the piano. Professor Scrum cried like a baby when we took it out. Cried, eh? Well, maybe you shouldn't have slugged him to get it. Ah, me, a smile is worth a million frowns. Two jowers, boom-wit. Which, translated means, let the sun shine through. Isn't that awful? Eh, it's sure an old piano pop. Yeah, it's one of them. It's very antique, Junior. It's hard to get now. Uh, this leg, it seems to be sort of cracked. Cracked? Uh-uh, characteristic of the core wood, Mrs. Anderson. And curved legs. How does he inside look? It should be perfect. Professor Scrum had it in his drawing room for years. Oh, you drunkhead, Junior. Well, probably core wood splits easy. Hey, look, Professor Scrum has mice. Does he know that? Mice? Well, it looks like mice-ness back of that sounding board. Professor Scrum has been doing his own housework since his wife left. Possibly he's rather inefficient. Oh, well, Junior can get rid of the mice all right. Of course, of course. Good heavens, man, you have a priceless jewel here in this piano. Ah, I wish it had a bench. Bench, bench, eh? Well, we'll get a bench for you, Junior. This is the front of the piano. Ah, yes. The sentiment wraps up in this beautiful instrument. Brother, they went overboard on the sentiment. Look at that front pass. They almost put a heart with an arrow through it. Yeah. And with a chisel. Yeah, yeah, I had one with the fish one time. Oh, Homer. Well, Deg, Nebut, if they ain't gone and done it, here's the deal. Oh, no. Well, any antique is bound to be scratched a bit. Scratched a bit? Looks like they pitched horseshoes on it. Well, never mind, Oliver. Mr. Tuttle did the best he could. Yep, Deg, Nebut, he sure did. He sure did. What's this in the bottom of the piano? You find something in there, Mom? Looks like a couple of mason jars. Oh, let me see. Mason jars? And they have canned plums in them. Hey, look around and see if you can find any kumquats. Homer, shut up. I love kumquats. Shut up, Homer. Canned plums in a piano. Brother, that's all. Professor Scrum must have put up his fruit in it, too. See if there's any sugar in there. Canned plums? Yeah. Mrs. Anderson, Professor Scrum told me once that coa wood must be kept at a certain dampness, possibly these cans of plums were put out there for that reason. They look kind of good. Can we eat them, Mom? Junior, of course we'll not eat them. Well, I did the very best I could for you, Mrs. Anderson. And if everything isn't satisfactory, I must offer my own blister apologies. Oh, now, Mr. Tuttle, Oliver really appreciates all this. I'm happy to hear you say that. Homer and I must leave now and get the piano bench. Well, maybe you should let it go for tonight. Oh, gee, I'd like to play tonight, Pop. I said let it go for tonight. Okay. Well, come on, J.J., we've got places to go yet. Oh, look, about this doorway here. Doorway? Oh, yeah, yeah, doorway. Yeah, doorway. Well, I'll be over in the morning and repair it. But what about tonight, Homer? No door. Well, I guess I could get over tonight. No, no, no, not tonight. Never mind. I'll sit up and guard it. At least I'll be alone. Very well, Mrs. Anderson. May you have the best of luck with this instrument. Yeah, yeah, fine, fine, fine. Come over again sometime. Well, you have your money. Well, yes. I paid Professor Scrum. Everything is paid for and delivered. And now I bid you good evening. Oh, good heavens, who could this be? Well, about the only one missing is Professor Scrum. Maybe I should go. It's my turn. Well, yeah, yeah, see, he's just leaving, I hope. Oh, Mrs. Frazier, I was just coming over to see you, dear lady. I wanted to see you about that chiffonniere which was broken in the woodshed. Chiffonniere? Oh, yes, sir. Excuse us, Mr. Anderson. Mrs. Frazier wants me to look at the chiffonniere. Homer, come on. We'll need a bit of help. Yeah, take Homer with you. Oh, of course, Mrs. Frazier. Well, how'd you know we was here? Martha told me. Oh, Martha, eh? Is she mad? I'm sure. I don't know. Well, come, Mrs. Frazier. Everything will work out all right, I'm sure. It's such a beautiful evening. The heavens full of stars. Oh, me. Come on, Homer. What do Mrs. Frazier and Tuttle have in common? He moves in on a Wednesday and Thursday. Housewives are running around after him. Well, I'm sure I don't know. What on earth are you doing to that piano, Junior? Well, maybe you should get him a hatchet. I don't think he can do much damage with that screwdriver he's got. Junior, what on earth are you doing digging into the wood? I'm not digging in wood, Mom. It's a hole in the side of the piano filled up with putty. Putty? Well, you better leave it alone. That putty may be holding the whole front on. It looks pop. It looks like a slot. Might have been used for a piggy bank, too. Junior, what are you doing down there? Come out of there, Junior. You'll get dust and spider webs all over you. What's in it? Oh, well, open it, Junior, of nickels. Liberty-head nickels. Well, we'll have to give them all back. What do you mean, give them back? They can have the plums, but not this money. It'll cost more than that to put this thing in a playing condition. Hmm, must be $50 in nickels. Probably Professor Scrum's way of beating the income tax. Hey, Pop, I got a great idea. Yeah? Yeah, it worked. Well, careful now, Junior. Yeah. I'm going to drop this nickel in and see what happens. If it isn't a booby trap, we're lucky. Now, here it goes, Pop. It's written by Howard Swart, directed by Herb Litten, and features Dick Lane as Oliver, Louise Arthur as Mary, Walter Tetley as Junior, and Herb Rollinson as Homer. Also in the cast were Doug Young as Mr. Tuttle, Ginny Johnson, and George Peroni. Music by Gordon Kibbey, sound effects by Ray Erlenborn, and your announcer is Ken Peters. The Anderson Family is a Hollywood broadcaster's production, transcribed from Hollywood.