 Man is a cool, cool when it's a Monday. Why am I so used to Wednesday? Because maybe Wednesday is my favorite day. But I also love Mondays because Mondays are MCM. I am a man, I'm proud to be one. This is why it's 5-4 and this is why in the morning. And today is MCM man crush Monday. So few minutes ago you were here with the drum discussing careers and then there was youth and politics. But I was more interested in career and it's this that informs what we are going to do next. And that is choices. Parents choosing careers and spouses and maybe even friends for their children. They say that they love them and in fact our parents love us. There is nobody on earth that wants good for you more than your parents. Is it good when they want to choose everything for you so that you just remain to follow what they do. From childhood and I'm talking about after the age of 18 where you also have your right conscience or right to choose they continue choosing for you. Is it good or bad? It's there in our social media platform. So start commenting and go on. We'll read them at the end of this all. My name is Ankara Kaisu and I am not alone in this house. I carefully chose this panel. You will understand when we shall have done introduction. We have teacher charity and we have job or cool. How are you guys? We are fine. We are going to start with you. You're going to tell us everything about you. You know you were not new here but it's been a while since you came here. So tell us everything that you think we need to know about you. That I think the world should know about you. I'm teacher charity. Yes. I'm a teacher, I'm a mother, I'm a wife and by passion I'm a journalist. Professionally I'm a teacher, passionately I'm a journalist. Actually I love writing. What is your dad, the career of your dad? My father is a teacher, my mother is a teacher, my elder sister is a teacher, my husband is a teacher. I told you this and this is why I chose this panel. I told you this and this is why you will get to know this after this. You have social media platforms? At Iliya Sikwadi. Just that. In Twitter. Just that. LinkedIn everywhere. WhatsApp that. At Iliya Sikwadi. Yes. At Iliya Sikwadi. We missed you. It's been a while. It's been a while. Let's get to the gentleman of the day. You know today is MCM like Man Crush Monday. So you are the man of the moment and it's your first time here. So job tell us. Tell us what you think we need to know about you. Okay. I'm Job. Okul by name. Technically I'm a journalist. Pasi. What are you? I'm a father. I don't know why I doubt this but just go on. Okay. I'm a father. A son to a pastor. PK. Islaid. I did communication in tourism. Communication in tourism. It's so close to journalism. In the field. You are in this field. That's very nice. So nice welcome here. I want to tell you that I told you, I chose carefully. You are not just a son of teacher. A daughter to teachers. Like both parents of a tindi are teachers. Job is son of pastor. And SDA pastas, and not even the contemporary ones, the classical SDA pastas, where pastas were very few, you could get one in Nairobi and another one in Machakos, so those guys used to be very strict. I don't know any person who is stricter than a teacher and a past especially on their children. So I know they were controlled by their fathers or mothers and all that, and that's why we want to get a first hand experience on this. And tell me how you grew up especially after your fomfom. To start with, let me say that I have the best dad in the whole world. My father is the best. I hope he's watching. He's watching by the way. He just retired his at home. I know he's watching me wherever he is. I have the best father and he has worked with me through all phases of my life to date. So after school, after fomfom, on matters choices, my father has been there making for me choices. But at that point I thought I was able to make my own choices. Some went on well, others were crushed and here you see parents are parents. Even if you met, you'll come back, they'll still welcome you. So after fomfom, I never wanted to be a teacher. I looked at myself and I just didn't see any teaching thing in me. I only came to realize that I'm a good teacher after training, after graduating, after teaching for two years. Actually when we went for this, we call it Tusome, we went for the Tusome training. Our coach, our cluster coach was the one who identified the teaching portion in me. I didn't even know that I could teach. The teaching skill in me? Because the person is not there. Was not there? He saw it, it's me who didn't see it but he saw that portion in me. And from there I just got strength, I felt like I'm really at it and I did well. And by that time I was living here, I was heading a school at Kasarana. I know, I know. What did you want to be? I wanted to be a journalist. But my father kept on saying that he can only pay for two courses for his children. Medical and education only. Our first boy is a teacher, a monster teacher. And you see when you are sponsored you have to be a lawyer. I cannot go around pushing my father that I don't want them or don't want me. I became a teacher but I'll soon deviate from it. Okay, let's get to job. The son of a pastor. By the way, the job they said, she's called Stella Omwenga. You will see her after the show, she will come to greet you. Stella, after this, come and greet the son of a pastor. Tell us your experience job on, not on job but on education on education on career choices and all that. By the way, we'll come back to choices of spouses and all that because I know that is another day area. So you have to tell us about your education and career choices and all that regarding to pastor Okuru. Okay, for a start, I think I have the best dad. If someone could work on you in the morning for me, he thinks he's going to do when he's away. What do you mean work on you? Can you throw me in the morning fast? I very go out. Kenning has breakfast. But fine, he was a loving father. He could eat out of love. And then when it came to post 4-4, we sat down in the talk. Technically, according to him, he wanted me to be a lawyer. It's something I'm pursuing in life later on. To me, I had a lot of interest in writing and speaking. By birth, I'm a sanguine. So I talk a lot and I write a lot. So when it came to my career choice, because whatever I wanted me to do, you didn't give me that opportunity to choose whatever I wanted to do. When it came to the diversity, I got an option to get what I wanted to do. Because I love travelling a lot. Other than travelling, I also write a lot, interact with people a lot. Say it to God because that favor, my nature. With him, I never had any problem. What he kept on insisting until the point of his death was, do what you need to do. After that, at least in life, you fulfill my wish. Of being a lawyer. Are you saying that both of you defied your parents? Because you didn't have an option because of fee. If you had some sort of fee, you could do journalism and leave teaching. But job defied. He wanted you to be a lawyer. He suggested that you become a lawyer. But you talked, I told him dad, find that you can work but not now. Oh. And he accepted. Oh, he accepted. So at least he was flexible. Was very flexible when it comes to matters education. Yes. But when it comes to those stories. At what point did he die? Dad, when you had finished university or something. No, when I was in my first year. Oh, sorry. But he saw you like when you started learning about your career. Do you remember when he came to UN, we came with him? Yes. He came and did for your intention. In my first thing. He walked you through all those steps. All those steps. But then it was very analog. Analog. So you had to queue. Yes. You finish one queue, you go to another queue. You jump to the library, another queue. Go to so assumed authority up there. Another queue. And I can imagine you from home ring a ga kelo. You cannot jump queue. You are very loyal. And my case was quite different. Yes. You see, the day actually I just got converted into SDA. I was a Catholic. Actually I was from the convent. I wanted to be a nun. What? So today maybe you could have not known me. I was in the convent. I got converted into SDA. And then our church pastor, Pastor Grega. I think it's the one who talked to my mother that let this lady go to Kamagambad Ventist College. And by the way that is Kamagambad Ventist College changed my life. How? All round. Actually I was. That's why you went to learn why you need to change your life. Everything. Actually it shaped my life whole. All corners. I mean emotionally. So college played a big part in your life. A very big part. Actually I don't even regret not joining university. I could have been dead by now. Dead. So I went to college alone. Nobody took me and like a job. You see job was taken by the father. Yes. I went alone. Actually from our home to college was 20 shillings. From Rongo to Kamagambad. And I even cried because you see I wanted to go to Shanzu Teacher's College. Oh Abidya, a father school. Yeah. And my father was there. He actually said that you see you were given all the time to read, to study in school for the four years. Those who studied and scored A are not crying now. Look at this. Actually they are looking for the colleges which they are supposed to join on internet. And here you are. You are very busy crying and you failed. You see I just... What are you calling a failure? According to him I failed. Actually I'm the only person in our family who did not join university. Oh who didn't go direct to them? Who didn't go direct. I'm the only one. According to him I failed. But you see God has a way of doing things. I think God just wanted me to go there so that I get shaped. And then I told you by next. This month I'll be there. Because I know you charity. You are a brain, a super brain girl. You've not told us about your new book. I know you will do it maybe at the end of the show. You are a very super brain girl. So on this job, on the career choices. I'm going through why parents choose careers for their children. And one of the reasons was that they feel their children are extension of themselves. So what he didn't achieve in life, the ones achieved through you. I've talked to several parents who told me I was advising to go back to school. They are still tender ages but they are parent. And they are saying, me I'm concentrating on my children. Whatever I've not achieved, my children will achieve for me. I'll get to where I didn't go. They want better life for their children. What do you feel about this as your background and everything? Parents thinking that children are extension so they should choose for them what to do. Can I say in life, I want to give a typical example of my mum. My level of location as per now is higher than us. But she always says this. The moment you take in a child past 4-4 as a parent, you read about cases certificate because you know everything. When they go to the university level, you have a degree. As much as they never went to school but experience wise and laugh then the knowledge gap that you have in your head has increased that much further. There is one too. If in that matter parents tends to believe that what they want for their children is the best. In a way it is true. In a way it is true because they see it further than we do but in another option it is good to give a child to choose what they want to be. As a child grows up, just know from the level from age 2, 3, 4 the possible career this baby can have. Our sister Tindi talks a lot. Yes, she is like you. Both of you are sanguins. She is also a sanguin. She is more sanguin than you. She is sanguini if that is an English word. Now, at the end of the day, monitor your child, then see what they can become in life. Don't force it on them. Your parent was more liberal like he wanted you to be something but you decided to be another thing and he supported you in that but just wanted you to maybe do that in future. You know what? No, that you wanted me to do that in future. I never lose an argument. I never lose an argument. Even if I am wrong, you must win. Even if I am wrong, it is not dangerous. You will tell us after this if that will be dangerous maybe for his marriage. But go on for now. It is not dangerous. It is the one who has experience, it is the one who will tell us. My dad knows maybe that is a marriage but my dad knows me that I have to. You don't want to lose this argument also. But go on. You have sold me a job. You are very good at deviating facts. It's true, this is a path. I take a different road towards the same direction. So he studied you? So he studied me a lot. When I was a 7, he told me you have to be a lawyer. I told him dad, I am working on that. When I went to high school, but in my high school report form, let me call it that, the only thing my dad could look into were the languages, history. Oh, because he was very sure you could be a lawyer. He was very sure of what he wanted to be like. He would never bother about any other subject most of the times. And he could give me a challenge. Get me this grade in this subject to give you this. And the challenge was very nice. You always promised food. Food? Not money. It's like that is good for you. No other. And he's saying no other. That's a subject for another time. That is history now. The no other party is history. But... So with all this promise, something works in my favor. The twin came to choose what we wanted to do. I told him dad, find this works with this course. But this always works with this. With this and that course. So let me do this. We must do this. Because time is still there for us. And by the way, talking and communication also go a long way. There are also flabs. You know, being a lawyer, maybe you'll achieve it in life, you are still very young. It's just a matter of time. A matter of molding. Charity, don't you think talking too much and winning arguments always is dangerous for a marriage? It is very dangerous. But it is actually, he has even confessed that he knows very well that he is wrong, but he insists that he is right. That is very dangerous. And to marriage, I heard him saying that he's asked. Okay. It could be mine. But even in yours, I'm very sure this is a very serious factor that has to affect your heart. You cannot be right always. It's always important to accept when you are wrong. Actually just consent. Just say I'm wrong here. I'm sorry. And then you see how to go about it. You cannot just insist to be right. He wants to rebut, but I won't allow him because he don't want to lose that. He said he was wrong. This is another event. This is another event. It does not want to lose. We may end up arguing that way. I know him. There is something about our parents that I want us to help here. That they look on what is trending on the market and think this is what my child could do. But I think that is dangerous. There is a time, CDs now. You remember, not CD of what youth call CD, but compact disc where they record movies and all that. There are people who went to school to make that. But you know, that one is getting out of market now. So when it was trending maybe in the year 2027, CD was the thing. Compact disc and DVDs were the thing. So a parent could advise a child then back then to study maybe making that. Or maybe at a writer which is no longer there. I don't know whether any of you so at a writer. So when they school. It's obsolete. Like they went obsolete. But parents look on what is trending, what is giving a lot of people job and advise their children to do that. When maybe in 10, 20 years time that would be mechanism. Actually that is not even a problem in the house or in the country. Let's say it is just a global thing. Most of us think that most of us want to go to school to get employment. And this is something that when you when you tell your parents when you try to reason away from it you become like an outcast. So it is important that we know that we don't go to school to get employed. Like I am a teacher out of what I was trained on. Today I am a writer. I write and I am so much comfortable in writing. So let us just teach our children that people don't go to school to get employment. You also go to school to create employment. You go to school to grow mentally. Like I always tell my class two paupils that the first person to finish his or her work you make a line. If you do it last you make a line after that person. That is patience. You see when you go to a bank you will get a queue. You even go to the public toilets you will get a queue. You see we go to school to grow socially, emotionally. There are so many things that we acquire in school that we cannot just focus on employment. But it is also right. You see people are frustrated. Maybe your parents you look at your background whatever you went through and your parents really want you to change their life. So when you go and when you go to maybe to the college right now to study whatever you are talking about making CDs what will it help you with? It is also important to get ideas of people around you influence. But the position making remains with you. You believe in yourself even when nobody believes in you. It is important. I think she is a teacher. Yes. She went to school. Yes. Went to Kama Gambo. In the 20s she has a bus fare. Finished. Remember that. Ya. Came to Nairobi. Secured a job. But virtue of her good leadership skills she learnt in school. She became a teacher to an institution. What was that? An Nairobi institution. Nairobi institution. What was that? She went to school to get a job. Teaching 72 pupils how to pangalain and how to be patient is part of whatever she got in school. Why she applied it in a place of work. So this notion of that they want to go to school not to get a job maybe by studying to get a job because there is no way to be told this job is for those who never went to school to study this. It never happens. I think most of us are in school as I am getting skills you are sure of something at the end of the tunnel maybe you hope after finishing this there is some job somewhere. That is why our parents struggle to take us through the education because maybe your your parents are not that much rich they are not wealthy enough but they are struggling you see there is a struggle in this family and you hope that maybe when they change the world they see a struggle. And then after struggling you do for more than 4 years all those years through school you come back after graduating then you take a dad dad still hasn't put a cousin he changed my shayatu I can use my skills somewhere else where? That is just an underscore of what I was saying that parent will be great disappointed yes amplified what she was saying that is what I was saying in a different angle actually let's say like I was saying I did not train to as a teacher to be a teacher for the rest of my life there are skills I learnt there that I can apply somewhere else when that place actually if that is where my passion lies and I use skills that I got from the other side there is nothing wrong we appreciate and if one day I get employed as a teacher there is no problem I can still do 2 or 3 or 4 things there is when she is asked today what are you studying in school? what is your profession? I am a teacher I am a teacher for a job yes the thought of what other skills do you know what do you have come later the basic things I am a teacher they don't even come I am a teacher they show I am a teacher what do you do oh baby someone sees you somewhere our first employment was much of her being what? of training as a teacher not employment but training I must bring this to an end because I know you I know the two of you if I continue like this just as the CSL says as we continue like this we continue non-marrying I must stop non-marrying with you there is one thing about kareya the last thing about kareya pastor Abuia of University of Nairobi he told us that he told his parents that he must go to the University of Nairobi whether he is going to learn funeral management and katarik whether he is going to learn what he insisted that he must go to that particular university and this is also a factor there was some classical mentality that there are institutions that are better than another so parents choose kareya according to where are you going like you didn't want to go to Kamagambu you wanted to go to Shanzu is it right for one to be focused on an institution now we start with you I think there is nothing wrong when you focus on an institution at the same time there is nothing wrong going to anywhere like you cannot you cannot just insist that you go to Nairobi to the University of Nairobi thank you thank you even when you can acquire the same course at Rongo University you see you will have cut cost because let's say if I decide to join Rongo University I will be commuting for more I will have cut so many things but if your parents are in a position to support you you don't have any financial problem there is no problem you can just go to the college of nature wherever you want and you pursue what you want you didn't want to be at the University of Nairobi no they haven't been given the University so that I was so smart may be I can only be managed at the best University at the best University okay paraside depending on the parents at their level of technical tradition of parents in the age of my father and his elder brothers going back there there was no University in Kenya and that was very famous University of Nairobi so that believe that either the University or the University accept University of Nairobi they ever believe that if it is treated it should be a Godi Shanzu, Kaimosi Eregi those form a big big names you should mention Migori Migori may be somewhere in between and Kamagamos the only private college from 1912 1912 so you also speak special with that very special is that the college is not there so that is what they believe they used to believe and so my dad getting admission at University of Nairobi he never opposed when the letter came he supported it because he knew that was the best word that was the best boy having the best brain but at the end of the day I can think today we should focus on where they study focus on what they study and what is being delivered are you sure where doesn't matter at all it does it does in a percent a very minute percentage but that is not a matter of where it's a matter of what and how okay crowning this will you choose only you quickly will you help choose career for your child technically I will guide oh you will guide he will not force if he says otherwise we will let him or her go that way what of you teacher that's what I will do I will just guide her I will guide them because it's more than one I can say I got it already in education okay let's go to this choosing spouse thing and I want to give you short statistics that there's something called arranged marriage arranged marriage is where a parent arranges arranges a marriage for a son or a daughter like parents of this side and parents of that side get together and say let's our sons and daughters get married or my son I think should get married to your daughter and all that my parents were married that way and their base was on a religion called lejo maria was born in that way I'm a lejo maria person for this denomination in our lineage let you let you let your daughter marry my son and all that so that is arranged marriage you know it works that I was very surprised that marriages globally 55% who think 55% are arranged marriages arranged it's only 45% of marriages that people meet and marry without parents knowing arranged marriage is different from forced marriage forced marriage is where you cannot say no and by the way 90% of marriages in India 90 are arranged marriages while 80% of marriages in Afghanistan are forced marriages now what is interesting is that in India 90% of marriages are arranged there is only 1.1% of divorce 1.1% of divorce and globally the global divorce rate is 8.6% and all that what shocked me is also that Kenya currently the divorce rate in Kenya currently is 70% imagine now being 70 people 70% of marriages are breaking in the name of divorce and it was 40% and Kenya is the freest one of the freest from the arranged marriage thing it's very free compared to India and all that so I want you guys to discuss this do you think from this view that it is good for parents to choose spouses for their kids we start ladies first we reject this even after this statistics I still reject it I strongly reject it it is very dangerous and at the same time I can consent to give us a name a percentage in a scale of 1 to 10 1 to 10 let me give you 3 anyway there's nothing wrong with the arranged marriage you see our parents see what we need to be able to see but it is also important for our parents to give us a breathing space that full atmosphere to decide on what you want to do whether you want to settle with them or not there's nothing wrong they can just bring their proper source you will go through them and say I cannot settle with this one and I can settle with this one actually you should be given time to make a very serious personal decision on it yes and whether it is arranged or not those people who are arranged for you will not come and stay with you with this person with the so called spouse you get out and the house remains with the two of you so when it comes to separation or divorce that you are talking about actually we don't operate we take matrimonio leave there is so much heat in marriage when your marriage is hot there is nothing wrong in taking a break you go relax if you can't come back you see how to go about it you see people things are enhancing people are killing each other in marriages actually you even find someone killing the spouse plus the children will you accept a dead child or a divorced child we must accept and I don't know why the church is so quiet about it the church very quiet you see according to the church actually for the church to allow you to divorce it may even take them forever they'll be like just to be there you see we are praying for you yes and assist to love me and assist to love me just be there and that is the same thing that parents saying when you find yourself there you talk to them you tell them that I don't see this marriage working I know I could have maybe made a mistake somewhere choosing this guy but you see I am going to die in it and they are like just to be there I am also struggling here with your father just to be there your father inherited something just the other day he inherited something the other day and you see I am not going anywhere or should I also go to your grandmother where will you go now if you come and you see it is just logic actually I thank my father yes and I had issues with my marriage I am the one who took that money and I think I am going back the afterm is almost over no that is special announcement very special announcement yes I had even told those who are calling me at night or stop calling me at night very special so let parents always give us time let them hear our opinion and reason is that it is logical these things fail anything can fail and if your marriage failures you mean that you are the problem or is the problem or maybe both of you are problems let them accept give you time to breathe and maybe both of you will get time to see the importance of that marriage when you are away you say that and you say that now or maybe the kids are involved today the kids want the father tomorrow they want you instead of tossing kids left, right and said let me just go and be there you get your only reasons for going not somebody forcing you to be there that is what I am trying to say I have spoiled out her art pastas I have left her to do so because she is talking from personal experience now talk as a PK don't you think about this and let him know to bring verses here I know him I think we have not seen a Bible study forum so I won't quote any Bible verse but I can I know you can now there is an element of choosing I want to go to the arranged part there are some marizata arranged without you knowing that you have been snared there is a tabla that has been said for you your mum and the mum your mum a mum to the woman and the mum to the man are friends and so they always insist on a get together they know she needs to bring you guys together without you people knowing so you have to find that at the end of the day you are together this is what was happening from a very young age so that's spotting they spot and keep and they maintain so every day on a Sunday you go out to take lunch together this family are my friends they come to your place so that you get used to each other so with time you find that by default you get attracted to the time that has been even our parents are very smart they want they show you they show you directly at the end of the day you fall into the trap at that time you will see that they fall into the trap is maybe if someone comes to see you there is a problem and if she comes to see you she is like she is more welcome than either just know that maybe this is a trap I am getting into so parents do that a lot nowadays so parents do church do kaniisa pray a partner pray a family friend I want to give you a very trivial like when I was born I was 21 years old and my family was very trivial you wonder why you wonder why you go to amatanga ya shoshu ya shoshu ya mitu kumbe something is kukui kumbe something being done for you and leave you alone and leave you alone and then kumbe na pachiya kumbe niki zanani kumbe niki zanani kumbe niki zanani no matter how long you take out you wonder why you take long because my son is doing something and they confirm the other side kumbe niki zanani kumbe niki zanani kumbe niki zanani the handma mum covers for you W joining she was preparing so there that form of arrangement you support that do you think that is good in that family at the label the boy man and the woman meme niki uboto bagao they see ni can fit consent this is the best choice for me It's being fly today But when I came back to the arranged party, I told them that I was planning to go to Shoshua and ask them if they would like to have a kwaingi. I told them that I would like to have a kwaingi. They go and bring a woman for you. Yes. They bring for you. And that is not even ours. I was reading about India that on arranged marriages, you meet your better half 15 minutes to the wedding ceremony. To the wedding ceremony? Yes, 15 minutes. And then the worst part is, this is the worst part. That's when you see her for the first time in your life. Whatever she was talking about is very fine. You can meet your mistake, fail to embrace your mistake and then blame it on us. If your mistake is a point to you. So that is the life. I was asking my mum why is it that my grandmother because before she passed 20, we used to study a lot with my grandmother and she told me this. That her and my grandfather they never knew each other. Yes, that is arranged marriage. That was not even arranged. That is what? In prom too? It is a typical kwaingi mistake. So what is it? So what is it? So what is it? So what is it? It is a kwa. That is it. That is it. That is kwa. It is a kwa. That is kwa. That is kwa. So imagine and they ended up saying perfectly. And that is what you find most of the parents will tell you that if there is a problem that you are married they will tell you. You know the reason? Yes. I think now there is no love in marriages. People are married because of situations. Yes. So if you fear breaking up maybe your children will be psychologically hurt you have a position in the church you have a position in the society. There is something that is going on in your life that fear if they walk away from this person maybe there will be some negative impact on my persona. So at the end of the day you are married not because you love the man but you are saying that because of what you want to prevent. Our time is much spent I wish we had the whole day here. So let's read a couple of reactions from the public. There is somebody called Tito Marwa or Marwa. Tell me what you did in Kijeluwa. Tito Marwa says here in Oma and that's why my name was Kweezy they don't like being near their mother in law being near their mother in law and then there is Martin Gendu who says maybe and there is Janet Janet Michaels I know her she is somewhere around this room. She says Apoko Spouses is tricky for causes they can help those who choose in line with the interest it comes to when it comes to friends they are at better position to access whether they are of value or not that is who to choose who to parent to choose for the son or the daughter and then there is somebody called no children should follow their passion and then there is Linda Linda Wehrunga who says happy to see you my friend of Goda Speiding they say oh thank you welcome Linda and then there is parents Selena Amor says parents are supposed to advise only not to choose and then there is Wodiniya Sambu who says it's not right for them to choose this one is so disfiant as defiant as at the indigenous equality then there is somebody called Whiz Whiz says at some point but in terms of spouses no it's mutual things so you should go you should go where your heart heart beats for and then there is somebody called Magitha say trust your parents they know what is good for you for you always want the best for you and give you statistics on that then lastly for now is Tangila Kenya who says how can my parents choose for me as spouse while I am the one who is going to live and I only need advice from them this brings me to another statistics which says that 90% of arranged marriages especially when it's cultural like places like India when the marriage can't work the spouses hoped for suicide than divorce like they better kill themselves than divorce and another one is that when there is a divorce the person who causes that divorce is most likely highly like 90% going to be disowned by that family for breaking this for breaking this arranged marriage thing you hear the fifth I was hearing you groaning about the 15 minutes thing you want the experiments before marriage it is very important to do experiments very important I know the church is against it but it is now it is very necessary I meet you today we move to the house number one there are so many factors that will always glue two people together common interest you see like you find yourself you love eating rice I love eating Ugar you don't like going to church Allah going to church you will be having issues like on a daily basis it is important to be given time you learn the person you are going to live with so that is what you mean by experiment and the other one that I don't want to say that one which you are thinking of it is also important what do you think about this one PK reject it as your father imagine your father is watching no the one that she wants to say I won't touch into that how do you know it this is a PK in Pelagal Palatola common sense because you are on air and she has refused to say it so it's something who are you to say it I can't I can't speak for her but in a way you should know the person going to spend the rest of your life with her but as much as I want to know I also want to tell you this for free I've seen marriage couples for more than five years they get married for two weeks and they divorce two weeks in marriage they're done and they date for many years maybe the other day a friend of young man he said I'm going to date for the rest of your life I'm going to get married marriage is the number one cause of divorce of divorce it is the number one cause of divorce for five years I've been married for three years then three years were done two weeks even one month two weeks one week pap one enda kutini there was somebody in charge there isn't was there isn't I was saying this is people are very plastic also during courtship also during courtship they're very plastic they can come to your house stay with you even live together can we stay for ages they're still very plastic let them confirm I'm here to stay now then you made the real job okay but we are finishing this because time is still on us we've been here for around 45 minutes or 50 minutes also it's only that this conversation is very sweet that we can't finish but teacher Charity can you tell us your final comments on this camera here teach the nation for about 30 seconds especially Beampu this is what I want to tell any youth out there watching this show let us be real and let us always believe in ourselves there's nothing you should not push away anybody advising you just listen to their advice but you remain the sole decision maker in your life thank you that is what I can say thank you Yobas you say you prepare for your last comments somebody in our church who married on a Sunday then when it came on a Saturday that is 6 days later he came in front of the congregation and said marriage is a challenge pray for me if that marriage is a chance play marriage is a challenge so say your last comments why teach the nation a son of pastor ok on another side as a young person I want to borrow from whatever tindiya said listen to pieces of advice make the decisions on your own and I think the more the advice is that you receive the better because in a way you will be having an expanded thinking space where you can make the decision out of the bigger pool of things that you are receiving that is one two sometimes it is also good to listen to your parents don't just be a rebel for no good reason because when to satisfy you being a youth I can call this in adult there is something called adolescenting in quotes in adult to wear you be able like a 14 year old and you should over that so don't rebel so much listen to your parents people can advice you look for advices you can also get some money not a relative not a friend not a family member whom you can share with staff who can advice you and then keep good friends to the parents this is from me to the parents those children you have also have brains please involve them in decision making but to the children this is measured to you statistics say that 85% of parents want the good for their children they want their children to live better than they live now so listen to them don't dispute them it has been a very good discussion with two phenomenal people a teacher son of a teacher a communicator son of a pastor it's been very good very good you can there's something you should borrow from this please borrow from it and let it help you in your life in making decisions concerning spouses, friends career this has been why in the morning and I think this is now the last segment for today till we meet tomorrow and on Wednesday salute