 سلام عليكم ورحمة الله وبركاته and welcome to our series I remember Umm Al- Benin علي السلام A series dedicated to remember Umm Al- Benin and what she stood up for especially standing up for humility her being the symbol of humility and today we have with us joining us سستة دعاء لنصومي السلام عليكم ورحمة الله وبركاته ورحمة الله وبركاته شكراً لك for having me سستة دعاء لنصومي سستدعاء، ماذا يجب أن تكون؟ كيف يجب أن تقوم بعمل حمولة؟ وكما يجب أن تقوم بعمل حمولة حمولة تقوم بعمل أكثر مهمة من أنفسك ومع حمولة وإذا كنت أرغنت أنت تقوم بعمل أكثر مهمة من أنفسك ومع حمولة أمام عدي عليه السلام لديه أجزاء جيدة عن حمولة one of them he says التواضع رأس العقل والتكبّل رأس الجهد humility is the head of the mind and arrogance is the head of ignorance so when you are facing hardship ignorant people cannot help you whatsoever because they need help themselves because they're ignorant and they're showing arrogance when you have the mind you are more likely to offer help you are more likely to help others when they're facing hardship in life in another quote أمام عدي عليه السلام says humility is a sign of nobleness showing high moral characteristic in yourself and in others offering them help at any time I'll give you an example to make it clear one of them is say that there is one person who is rich wealthy and they're very humble about it they don't brag about the money they have they don't show importance of themselves because they're wealthy and rich they're very humble about it and at the same time when they see someone who is in need of money who has some financial problems for example a friend that wants to get married but does not have enough money to get married and they're humble with their money they tend to offer help they will help them because they're humble with it however the one who is arrogant who shows off I am wealthy I am rich look at the house I have the car I have oh I got this much money they brag about their businesses they're arrogant what does that lead to them? ignorance they won't help when they see a poor who is suffering from hunger they won't help them because they'll just look at them oh look at that poor and they just have so much importance in themselves and that is why people with a humility are more likely to help others who are facing problems and there are so many examples that we can bring upon we can relate definitely definitely and how can we aspire to عم البنين عليه السلام in terms of humility how do we look up to her learn from her which she presents to us that shows a symbol of humility عم البنين عليه السلام she was very humble to the orphans of فاطمة الزهراء she showed them humility in many different ways she didn't want even her name to be said at home so that they won't remember their mother's name imagine that she didn't enter as her being the stepmother she wants to put rules on laws and she wants to rule the house and she took care of أهل بيت when she first got married حسنة الحسين were sick on that night and عم البنين took care of them she soothed them she nurtured them and she put them to bed imagine that and one of عم البنين عليه السلام's aspirations in life is to show each mother how she should learn how each stepmother how she should be with her stepson and it's very sad and disappointing that you hear about so many stepmothers how they treat their stepsons or daughters some of them torture them some of them bully them they mistreat them they yell at them unfortunately in laws as well we have many cases yeah and one of عم البنين عليه السلام's aspirations is to learn is to show each stepmother how she should be it's very sad especially when the father's not around you tend to see those stepmothers they bully and they be so rude and mean and don't forget even if that child doesn't listen to you because you're not his biological mother don't forget the pain and the sadness that's in their hearts they're trying to forget by that way this is how they react they might not listen to you they might be rude to you and for every stepmother who is hearing this message I tell her to go to read about the life of عم البنين and how great of a stepmother she was that is one of her aspirations in life her role was to show every stepmother how she should be with her stepchildren treat them as you would treat your own children عم البنين عليه السلام treated الحسن والحسين انزين بعلي السلام her stepchildren better than she would treat her own children she took care of them more because she knew that they are broken in the inside they lost their mother she tried to put that smile she tried to replace their loss and that is one of عم البنين عليه السلام's aspirations in life and this is how she showed humility to them she was very humble she took care of them she did not deny them anything until she sacrificed her sons for عم البنين عليه السلام she even used to tell like her children how to respect their brothers from a different mother instead of now where you see that so many stepmothers they make segregations and they treat her own sons different from the step sons and she makes that step son feel like because she's not my mother I've lost everything in my life I am being bullied I my brothers are better than me they have a mother and no that's not what عم البنين taught us and that's not one of her aspirations one of her aspirations is to show each step mother how she should be with her step sons indeed indeed and we have this famous story so we know عم البنين's name was فاطمة عليه السلام and why was she called عم البنين instead of فاطمة what was the reasoning behind that can you highlight upon that yeah the reason behind that is because فاطمة الزهراء had the same name the daughter of رسول الله who was Imam عليه's first wife so الحسن والحسين the orphans and زيناب عليه السلام knew their mother's name was فاطمة and they would always hear that name in the house oh فاطمة عم البنين was Imam عليه's last wife so أول هم فاطمة و آخر هم فاطمة the first one Imam عليه married was named فاطمة and the last one her name was فاطمة so عم البنين did not want look how sincere she was and how she showed humility she did not brag about it and say oh my name should be فاطمة the same thing as your mother's name she showed humility to them less importance she wanted her name she wanted to be called by a nickname عم البنين in order for the two imams not to recall their mother's name and remember them and in that case you know they will feel the pain the sorrow the loss of their mother they would remember their mother عم البنين showed humility to to الحسن والحسين and زيناب in so many different ways and again not out of fame not because she was the wife of Imam عليه السلام while raising exactly and she came from a very well known family عم البنين she was not someone off the street who did not be compatible to امير المومين she her father was known her mother was known her aunts were known her ancestors they were all known for their horsemanship herism courage and bravery and she came from a nobleness family so when she entered the house of Ali she was compatible with Imam عليه السلام due to the family she comes from but she was very humble about it she showed humility to them that you are better than me very interesting actually and speaking about عم البنين and how humble she was and she came from a wealthy background how was it that she adjusted to her new life I mean I can imagine in this day and age some youth or you know these newly newlywed spouses or the woman the woman or the man they would kind of need find a compatible wealthy person or someone that could kind of reach that standard how is it that عم البنين despite coming from a wealthy background adjust and accept the responsibilities that she was facing when Imam عليه السلام he proposed to عم البنين a night before that she had a dream and in her dream she saw that she was in a nice beautiful garden and she was looking at the sky the beauty she was amazed and she was looking at the moon and the moon fell in her lap along with three stars so when عم البنين was mentioning her dream to her mother حزام one entered and he told her your dream has just become true because عالي ابن أبي طالب has just proposed to you if you marry her if you marry him you will get a son who his face will be like the moon قمر بني هاشم مجرس العبس عليه السلام and three stars along so you will have four sons and حزام her father asked her mother how did you raise عم البنين do you think she's suitable for us to give her for عالي do you think she would not embarrass us in front of عالي like he was even humble with the amazing daughter he had he asked his wife how did you raise her do you think that she would take this role and عم البنين عليه السلام knew from day one that she is marrying the leader Imam and she knew her responsibility that she has to take care of his sons she has to raise sons from عالي عليه السلام in order for them to be heroes to be martyrs in order for them to be great characters in life and she knew her position she knew her mission she knew her role because Allah سبحانه وتعالى He gave Fatima to Zahra a role and she followed it he gave Zaynab عليه السلام a role and she followed it he gave Imam Ali all the imams all the infallible imams had a role and their wives also had a role عم البنين عليه السلام she knew what her role was one of her roles was to be a great mother for the imams that her second role was to be a great aspiration in life and to be a great mother to sacrifice her sons to raise great sons like العبس عليه السلام and her other four sons three sons along indeed سبحان الله what a lovely example and what a lovely way of kind of settling in your new life is there anything you can relate to humility and maybe relate to this day and age how we live by what other kind of what the examples we can use from عم البنين to humility with relation it's very important to show humility you have to show less importance of yourself for example if you come from a well-known family with a great name family of scholars family who's respected and you know that you come from this family show humility to others don't wait for other people to come and greet you because you are the well-known family and you come from this part of family who has the fame show humility talk to people you go greet them don't wait for others to come and greet you for those who are wealthy out there and who hear me I've seen a lot of wealthy people who just don't show their humility on the other hand there are some who are humble but there are some who are very arrogant where they choose their friends they make a group themselves they choose the wealthy people and they look at other people as they are low class and them are high class which is totally wrong because there is no such thing as being high class and low class in Islam and in the eyes of Allah and your money doesn't mean anything your wealth does not mean anything to us and to anybody and show humility help communities help the poor talk to everyone one day if your money was to be taken away from you you are nothing so have faith in Allah treat people nicely show humility and when you show humility to others you are not having low self esteem in yourself when you greet people before they even greet you that's not a sign of having low self esteem in yourself because having low self esteem is something totally different than being humble being humble is when you show less importance of yourself when you know that you are a wealthy person but you don't want to brag about it you want to be with other people that I am just the same thing as you just because of my money doesn't mean I am something you be friends with everyone you help people you help communities you help the poor you are humble about it and having low self esteem is totally different is when you are wealthy and you just giving the money around to people because you want to be humble that's not the meaning of being humble that is having a low self esteem when you are wealthy and you go okay let me give my money out people come and tell you give me 2 million pounds and you are like for no reason no that's having low self esteem in yourself that's an example but by you being wealthy and you talk to everyone you have very great friends who are not wealthy as you but you do help them you do help the poor you do help communities you help orphans that is you being humble so that is an example that we can learn another example as I mentioned earlier is when you are a famous person you are known you are known for maybe the family you come from maybe from your experiences in life what you work what you do what's your job for you being a preacher anything else show humility to others don't act like oh you have to come greet me I am somebody I am this person that's not humility you are really welcome to be other person doesn't it yes it does and it makes you if it's someone important it's like can I approach this person can I know it's really uncomfortable for the other person exactly and that's why our scholars the majority of them humble scholars are the ones who you could visit you could sit with you could talk to and when you enter you are like oh I just saw the scholar in my eyes where there are some scholars that you can't enter you can't see no one could see them unless unless exactly and you just see them on TV or you see their picture and you are just like are they here are they alive we just get news from them but we don't see them we don't see their daily lifestyle we don't see how they greet people how they talk and there is a very great scholar who everyone gets to visit and everyone gets to see and even children they would come back they would be like oh I saw him and they feel his humbleness yeah they do you learn a lot from that person exactly as well sometimes when you are locked behind for example locked behind the doors and you are not very out there and greeting people and showing yourself then it's really hard to set a good example whereas when you are out there and that's how أهلبيت عليه السلام were you know you could see how they sit with him you could see زيناب عليه السلام back in the days where she was a teacher she used to teach Quran فاطمت الزهراء used to teach Quran فاطمت الزهراء used to give to the poor help the poor أم البنين was the same they were humble they showed humility to others where us today we are nothing compared to them and we are arrogant we show arrogance which leads to ignorance what Imam عليه السلام said where we just assume that we are something and we push people away we act like we are bigger than people we are better than people but when you show humility to others it doesn't mean you have low self esteem in yourself because you are a psychologist and you know having low self esteem in yourself is when you are insecure with yourself and insecure with others where you just don't trust others and you don't trust yourself and you think everything you do is wrong but when you are humble it's totally different دوتي نفسك yes indeed كيف تعتقد أن one can reach this balance then I know we spoke about self esteem and we spoke about arrogance it's quite hard to reach a balance isn't it like a midpoint where I've got this money and I'm spending and I'm doing this to a certain extent I have this money this other person you said that has so much money yet he doesn't do anything about it because he's got low self esteem or he doesn't give or he doesn't maybe when you use his money wisely how can someone reach this this balance kind of thing and be aware as well not just you know sometimes you can reach a part of a level of arrogance but you don't even know it yourself right or you can be so ignorant about it ignoring you know your community for example or the needy or the whore the homeless again you don't know what is going on with this situation how can we reach this awareness one of our أهل البيت عليم صلى الله عليه وسلم they say ليس مننا من لم يحاسب نفسه if you do not punish yourself every night you are not from us you are not from a follower so it's very important as a Muslim as a believer of أهل البيت of Allah of the Prophet is to always punish yourself at night to sit with yourself and say okay I'm a millionaire here what have I done to Allah and to Islam and what have I done to myself okay I've done to myself I have nice beautiful cars outside I'm enjoying the money I'm playing I'm balling out there I'm enjoying my life and at the same time I just saw a poor out there who was asking who was just saying hi to me and I ignored them because I'm wealthy and they're not in my race so go back to that poor and say hi to them they just said hi it doesn't mean when you're wealthy someone says hi that means they want money from you right so sit down and punish yourself know what good you've done and what good you haven't done and go back the next day and fix what you've done for example if you have fame in yourself and you are not humble about it come back at home and be like everyone likes me and respects me due to the position I'm in and what I'm doing but hey I ignored a lot of other people let me go back the next day and say hi to them and greet them and be friends with them at least at least give them a smile so to reach the stage of humility you would have to understand the difference between low self-esteem is lowering yourself down and what the meaning humble means humility some people mix the meaning between them they don't know what low self-esteem is and showing humility does so some people think that if they help people for example pick up grocery they're having low self-esteem in themselves but when you offer help and you see like a lady or you see even a man who's struggling to pick up grocery and you're like I would offer you some help that's not having low self-esteem it doesn't mean you are made it doesn't mean that you are a slave being dragged you offered help but if someone comes up to you and says hey come here can you pick up my grocery and put them inside my house that if you would listen to them then you are not having dignity in yourself because they're treating you as if you are their slave they're made you should listen to them at all times so what you should do is tell them in my اخلاق in my manners I would help you if you would have said it in a nice way and I could help you so you show them your dignity if you choose to help them you can help them if not due to the disrespectful way they spoke to you so we're not saying have low self-esteem in yourself but be humble you can tell them due to my manners I'm gonna help you but next time don't speak to me like that because I have dignity in myself and I'm a believer and I'm a Mu'min and Allah SWT the dignity of one is much important دن رقل الكابة and we should all have dignity in ourselves and we all do it الحمدلله but don't make it turn to arrogance and don't be ignorant because when you're ignorant and Mu'ma Ali solves it straight with his coat when you show arrogance you're ignorant and when you show humility you are the one with the mind and always have the mind know what's right and what's wrong so when you know that this is wrong say no when you know it's right say it's right because you have the mind and you know one to be humble and one not to be humble so say for example you are wealthy okay and everyone comes up to you and asks you to pay for this community and you know that this community is not legit and you know the money does not go to the poor and you know that they're not using it enough and you know on the other hand there is a community who is very humble and who really needs help help them don't just say because this community and this community does not use it wisely I'm not going to give any communities at all so if you are the one with the mind you know what to give and what not to give and how to strike the balance between being humble and having low self esteem and that's where reflection comes in doesn't it when Mu'ma Ali himself says and he allies the his parents and he does and he does and he does and he does and he does and he does and he does and he does and he does and he does and he does and he does and he does and he does and he does and he does and he does and he does and he does and he does and he does and he does and he does and he does and he does and he does and he does and he does and he does أبا أياس و أشعر أبا أياس كما نفعله يسيحه العراق يوجد كثير من الأشياء ولكن أوهامة دليلة نحن.. أعلم أنه يكون أسرع لا أستطيع أن أتكلم أستطيع أن تكلم كما أنه حيث أن يكون حيث right now حتى من المحاول أن تكون حيث لا أستطيع أن أتكلم حياتنا كانت مفتاحة نحن كانت أخبارنا every morning they'd make a huge breakfast for us and now that's no longer everything was so perfect and then all of a sudden our boys are no longer me and my three boys would work at the bakery on our own my wife would come down sometimes to help us but I wish she wouldn't but it was really like we were a family business there's no pain like losing your two sons it's the most heart wrenching pain I've ever been through every day I wake up hoping that they're still here how does it make you feel knowing that your sons were eager to fight they were so excited they came in with tears in their eyes and as a mother I had to show joy for them but deep down you know you don't want them to go you want to keep them safe and I wish that last hug when I had two my sons I just held them a little bit tighter I wish I never let them go I know it's tough to put yourself in those situations but could you take me back to the time of when you were speaking to your sons trying to show them support while having the feeling of fear knowing what could happen trying to show them a brave face and show them how proud I was I always supported my boys and they were so hard working I remember telling them that you know you can do this and I believe in you and that I couldn't wait for the day when they came home safe and sound so as a mother how do you feel or can you take me back to the time of the news when you heard that your sons were martyred I can't even explain I'm sure my heart stopped for a second I had no words to explain how kept telling myself it wasn't true and I tried to sleep and just pretend I didn't hear the news and that it wasn't real How long did it take you to actually process what had happened I don't think I'll ever process the news even sitting here now I still feel I'm going to go home and see my boys It was difficult for her She tried to get over it but it's so hard when you lost your own flesh and blood like that so as a father how did the loss of your sons impact you and especially do you feel that you had to be strong for your wife especially yes I did have to be strong for her he's been there for me he's my rock I mean my boys used to be my rock and as they're no longer here I have my husband to thank my world fell apart when I heard the news but one look at her and I would keep it together so you have strength between the two of you yes we do yes we have to be strong for each other we love each other we loved our sons and other than each other is there anyone else or anything else that you could tell me that gave you some strength and hope in this tragic situation I'll have a benin such a figure to look up to the hope and the strength that I've got from the figure what she went through was it's a great role model it makes you think if she can do it then we can do it of course I've tried to implement everything into my life and try and have that hope and strength and if it wasn't for her then I don't think I'd be here today so we have the role model of Um El-Bini to help you through this tragic moment and you have each other is there anything else that you can sort of highlight as to the strength that keeps you going each day she's my lifeline caring for her has helped me survive this with I'd say even though my boys are no longer here their duties and what they wanted my boys are keeping me together so overcoming this tragedy is not necessarily that you forget what happens but it's more about trying to live through it every single day and that's the most difficult time so could you give me a detailed scenario of how this actually occurs in your house daily overcoming this I try to pray every day and I try to use my strength and I rely a lot on my husband to pull me through every day my neighbours actually they refer to me as the noble figure which I always say to them no one's as strong as wise as her she really is a figure that no one can be compared to I can't even begin to explain how her strength and how she's inspired me my husband is there for me every day but Mel Benin has been there for me I try and as I say pray every day and how do you remember your boys now I still have the uniforms I have my t-shirts I loved my sons they were so great they were so talented and they went to go fight for their religion they believed in their religion they prayed every day I never had an argument when I went to the bakery they worked hard just to look at a photo of them now I can't help but this photo just wish that they were here in flesh you have no idea the impact this has had on our lives but we will try and get through it together yes we will and it's created even more strength between the two of you and family and community around you is that correct absolutely if it wasn't for my husband my friends my family my neighbourhood I wouldn't be where I am today I'm not going to lie every day is a struggle that's true knowing that my boys are hopefully looking down on me if anyone goes through this doing what we're doing basically supporting each other still believing in our faith we don't blame anyone for what happened these kind of things happened my sons wanted to go to war they asked my permission I said yes you can go and I was proud of them they were so wonderful that's an amazing statement that you've just mentioned it's showing strength and faith even through this and I think that's the best way to end this session to remember that through tragedy we have to hold on tight with family most importantly faith and we have our role models to teach us that and I just want to thank you for coming in today and speaking about this even though it was so difficult but I'm sure that you've helped so many people around you watching and learning and you've given inspiration and motivation that we can overcome this and I only wish you more patience more happiness I mean the two of you only increases thank you very much thank you I love you I love you I love you I love you this is a heartbreaking story what an awful story that was very hard to watch despite you know losing three sons وفتح ذلك ، قلت أصبحت ثلاثة ألوان ، لكنها قلت أنها ستساعدتها أخي وعلم الله سبحانه وتعالى أنه قلت كل واحد of us to test وعلمها أن تساعدت كل ثلاثة ألوان وعلم الله سبحانه وتعالى أنه قلت أحد منها to test وأنه يرى ماذا أهم في حياته إذا كانت أهمة في حياتي هو my son الله سبحانه وتعالى أنه ستساعده وإذا كانت المنحية ، الله سبحانه وتعالى أنه ستساعدتية إذا كانت جميعاتك والنسخة ، الله سبحانه وتعالى تساعدتك أنا أخذت أصدقائك في الله ودعي أخبرك will test you in your health هناك مصدقائك that هناك مصدقائك that's been mentioned where there was one man who was very strong and he always came to Quran وحده يحدث عن دين وحده يأتي من حياته which had no cure for it وكانه أخبر الشخص that I am a liar that I am a liar ونحدى أخبرني وقال لك why are you saying that because Allah test me in my health and I cannot handle this I cannot handle the pain, I cannot handle the struggle that I am going through so Allah tested him in that and he showed himself that he cannot handle he cannot stand up for the faith that he had the believing in Allah and Allah he is testing me you know whatever if Allah chooses to cure me later on if not then I have to move on in my life live with this illness until either I live or I die so this particular lady Allah tested her with the loss of three of her sons and imagine going back to the bakery that she is showing faith in Allah that she moved on her daily life yes she cried yes she was depressed probably she lost her appetite for months and weeks or days but at the same time she went back and she said they are martyrdoms and they went to Jannah and we are not created for this world you always refer to the hereafter that they are martyrdoms and they have their position in paradise and Allah has given them a great position and at the same time she was able because she has faith in Allah and she moved on to her daily life she went back to opening the bakery even though her husband didn't want her to do this but she had great faith and I bow for this lady today because I don't know like me as a mother I ask Allah to never make me experience this because I don't know how I would react to this losing three sons like not one like if you lost one and you have another two they will make you forget but all at once and again we remember Um El-Baneen because she is our great role model and we remember Zaynab because she is our great model because say Zaynab she lost her whole family all at once she lost her father her grandfather her mother even her unborn baby brother she lost all her brothers at once her nephews her nieces and she still moved on in life and she had her mission that she had to complete and we remember them to this is why we have the I remember series to always remember Ahad El-Veit yeah and I bow for this lady who lost three of her sons all at once and she still moved on but what makes such a lady move on is to always remember why we're here in this world it's like a mission we complete it and we go so she knew that their life has stopped till this time and she has to continue without them until she knows that one day she will also follow on definitely the love and understanding of Allah SWT that's our that's our duty in this world isn't it it's understanding to realize he exists to believe in him to trust in him and that's showing showing it through our actions isn't it and at the end of the day Allah says you know I do not burden a soul more than it can hold yes yeah and it's something that Allah has put into every human being that whatever the sufferings you're suffering from one day you will pass by it you will forget like when you lose a loved one a brother a sister three sons you will cry you will mourn you will probably be insane but you would still move on into your lifestyle other than and even when you remember your sons after three years you would cry but the way that you would cry the same way you cried the first time you heard that they were martyrdoms other than Imam Hussein Imam Hussein every year we remember him it's like the tragedy was yesterday it's like the tragedy was today and we would cry we would remember the tragedy as if it just has happened and this is why Allah gave each and one of us as human being this ability to move on and forget and not to forget totally but to forget the tragedy itself that has just happened later on in the days is because it's nothing related to Imam Hussein he gave the most horrific pain that will never be removed for Imam Hussein and Alhamdulillah we have people such as أهل بيت role models for us to always flash back on what has happened to them and when we remember like what we lost we always we will get sad and depressed but at some point we will probably be able to talk about it but when you remember Imam Hussein you would cry you would mourn as if he was just smarter especially on the 10th day of محظم when you remember أمو البنين and how she lost her four sons you see people who are mourning and weeping and screaming and yelling as if it has just happened and Allah gave special الله سبحانه وتعالى gave things special to أهل البيت that he never gave to anyone else other than أهل البيت عليهم السلام may Allah please and blessings be upon them thank you very much سعاد I was very insightful may Allah bless you bless and bless all the dear viewers dear viewers thank you for watching stay tuned السلام عليكم ورحمة الله ورحمة الله الله ستعيد دي ليلي للباق أمو الباق يا عس والدل أمو الباق يا عس وحس