 Kraft presents the Great Gilder Sleeve. She's company makers of parquet margarine and a complete line of famous quality food products presents Harold Perry as the Great Gilder Sleeve. Kraft brings you the Great Gilder Sleeve every week at this time, written by John Whedon and Sam Moore with music by Claude Sweaton. We'll hear from the Great Gilder Sleeve in just a moment. Who makes parquet? That's the usual question from guests when they first taste this delicious bread for bread. And when the gracious hostess replies why Kraft makes parquet, you'll find the guest nodding his head as much to say, mm-hmm, I thought so, it tastes so good. Yes, the name Kraft stands for the kind of quality you expect in fine food products. And parquet margarine is a quality food product through and through. Parquet has a fresh, delicate flavor that really satisfies. It's so economical to buy, it's easy to spread. Parquet is so wonderfully nourishing too, contains vegetable oils rich in food energy value. And parquet is fortified by Kraft so that every pound contains 9,000 units of vitamin A. So treat your family and your guests to parquet, P-A-R-K-A-Y. Parquet margarine, the Kraft quality spread. Yes, Kraft makes parquet. How goes it with the Great Gilder Sleeve? Well, the old boy is fit to be tied. It's a long story, maybe we'd better go back a couple of days to Washington's birthday. In honor of the father of his country, Gilder Sleeve permitted himself the luxury of sleeping a little late that day and breakfasting in his bathrobe. Then, having glanced through the paper and issued everyone their instructions for the day, he went up to the bathroom to shave. But do you think he could get in? No. And had a forester was in there giving herself a shampoo with the reluctant assistance of Marjorie. You can imagine what went on with Gilder Sleeve. Confoundedly, Roy, the woman's been in there an hour. You hear me? I said she's been in there an hour. Well, answer then. What do you want me to answer? I don't know, don't ask me foolish questions. Okay. And don't be sitting on the banisters. Okay, okay. What do you want to do? Break your neck? It's my neck. Your neck is going to be broken, I'll break it. Okay, gosh. An hour and a half now. How much longer in there? A few minutes. She's been in there for two hours. You almost knocked this cup out of my hand, Leroy. That would have made a fine mess. What do you got there, Bertie? An egg. This forester sent me after it. You tell her for me, Bertie, she can rub it in her hair. I think that's what she's going to do with it. What? Yes, sir. First, just go get me some olive oil. And then she wants some lemon juice. And now it's an egg. I don't know whether she's going to wash her hair or bake an omelet. She's certainly giving herself the words. All morning long, up and down, up and down, up and down. My knees troubled me again, too. No, Bertie. I think maybe I better keep off it for a while. Maybe I'll go stay with my sister until... Oh, no, Bertie, don't get excited. This forester won't be staying much longer. That's what everybody keeps telling me, but every day seems like she's still here. I know, but... You know what I think, Mr. Gillespie? I think she's digging in. You can say that again. Look, Bertie, be patient, will you? We'll get her out of here if we have to blast. But we've got to be polite about it, so it'll take a little time. I don't know if I've got that much time. Isn't this Marjorie? Well, hurry, Aunt Hattie's got her head in the base and she'll drown. Take your time, Bertie. Things coming in there, Marjorie. Don't ask me. Bertie, wait. Yes, sir? See if you can't hurry things up there a little, will you? Stick with her. Don't leave until she's through. I don't know what good that's going to do, Mr. Gillespie. Bertie, but what mistake? Bertie! Coming right up. Well, baby, I won't shave it all the day. I'll just give up, I think. Sam? No, Leroy. What is it? Can I go out now? No, it's too slushy out. I don't wear my rubbers. If you were too sick to go to school yesterday, you were much too sick to go out today. But I feel fine now. Yesterday I had a sore throat. We'll take no chances. You're staying indoors. Oh, gosh. What does he have to do? Study your lessons if you have nothing else to do. But this is a holiday. I'm not supposed to study. It wouldn't do you any harm, my boy. Where do you think George Washington would have gotten? If all he ever wanted to do was go outdoors. I don't know. Outdoors, I guess. How do you think Washington got to be president? He spent long hours every evening studying his books by the light of the fire, working out problems with charcoal on a shovel. I wasn't Washington. That was Lincoln. All right, he got to be president, didn't he? Yeah. Very well. Don't bother me anymore, Leroy. I want to read the newspaper. Yes? Just one question. Well, what is it? Now can I go out? How can you ask that? We've just been through the whole thing. Okay. Find something to do, Leroy. Okay. I still think you ought to let me go out, though. I'm lovable to get into mischief. You do, and you'll regret it. You know, Wong, can I use your typewriter? Typewriter? Well, if you're very careful of it, my boy. Remember, it's not mine. It belongs to the water department. Well, I'll be careful. I always am. Thanks, hon. Yes, yes. Don't disturb anything in my study. You can't... Well, my dear, don't tell me Hattie's finally... What's happened to your dress? Oh, I got slashed. It'll dry out. But what of us? You'd think she was Hattie Lamar. She's been at it for three hours. I didn't think she had that much hair. You ought to see. She's got it all done up in curlers. Curlers? Hattie? That's something new, isn't it? No, that's not all. She asked me if I thought it would look too young if she wore a ribbon in it. A ribbon? Blue. She says it's Judge Hooker's favorite color. You mean the G... You mean the J... Oh, no. Not those two. Not those old goats. I'll go in the den. I just pay the bills around here. That's all. Well, if I'm disturbing... No, no, not at all. I have some work to do anyway. Can't read. Can't do your two doing in here. Leroy, what are you typing? A letter to his girl. I am Angel. Cut it out. Let him alone, Marjorie. I told him he could use a typewriter. Don't worry, my boy. Nobody's going to look at it. Want to sit here, Uncle Moore? No, sit still, my dear. Just came in here to get away from what's going on in the next room. La-da-da. I've been playing that darn thing ever since lunch. The way she plays it, she must have learned it from her hurdy-gurdy. She's only played it all the way through, but no. That's as far as she knows it. Wait. Maybe she's quit. Thank goodness. Now maybe I can read my book in peace. I've been trying to read this book for three weeks, and I haven't yet got far enough into it to find out what it's all about. What's the book? Forever Amber. Goodness. Isn't it a beautiful theme song? Love it. Why did you stop that? I was only kidding, Uncle. Well, it's not funny. In fact, it's very unkind. That's no way to talk about your Aunt Hattie. She's been very nice to you. You have no right to make fun of her. She may be a little odd in some ways. But who isn't? As a matter of fact, I'm very fond of your Aunt. Or I would be if she'd stop playing that tune to end up in an ax-murder. You know any tunes besides to a Wild Rose? Well, to a Wild Rose is my favorite. Isn't it yours? Well, it's not my favorite. You know, it's funny. It's Judge Hooker's favorite, too. Isn't that a coincidence? That's just one of the things we found we had in common. Perhaps it's because we both love roses so. The judge loves roses? Oh, he's a great rose fancier. He tells me he has a whole garden full of roses. Very fine ones. But his pride and joy is a Mrs. Warren G. Harding. And guess what? What? He's promised that I shall have the first Rose of Blooms on it this year. But, Hattie, roses don't bloom to June. When you want something very much, Throckmorton, you don't mind waiting for it. February, March, April, May, June. I'll kill that Hooker. Rose fancier. Why, the old goat, he gets hay fever every time. He gets Nero on. We'll be with us again in just a few seconds. If you're up on your nutrition, you know how important that spread for bread is in your family's diet. So get your family off to a right start each day by spreading fresh, delicate parquet margarine on rolls or slices of piping hot breakfast toast. Pack the nourishing goodness of parquet into your lunchbox sandwiches, too. And treat the youngsters to satisfying cracker and parquet snacks when they come home hungry from school. Parquet margarine tastes so good, it's sure to hit the spot with hungry appetites. And speaking of good nutrition, remember that parquet margarine adds extra nourishment, too. Parquet, you see, is rich in food energy value. And every single pound is fortified by craft with 9,000 units of vitamin A. So please, your whole family, buy economical parquet. P-A-R-K-A-Y. Parquet margarine made by craft. Yes, craft makes parquet. Now let's get back to our friend Gildersleeve and his problems. Fearing that Aunt Hattie's infatuation with Judge Hooker may keep her around indefinitely, he decides to take action. Accordingly, we find him entering Judge Hooker's office where the judge is sitting at a desk piled high with books and papers. Come on, Horace. I'll be with you in just a second, Gilder. Kinney v. Coopman, 116, Alabama, 310, 1896. 1896. Now, what can I do for you? You can drop your legal bedside manner for one thing, judge. I'm not here for a consultation. Oh, well, I'm pretty busy right now. It's a brief. I've got to get ready before Monday, you've just come in to pass the time. I haven't. I've come to ask you a very important personal question. All right. Fire away. What are your intentions regarding my sister-in-law? What the dickens are you talking about? Oh, so that's your line. Innocence. Well, let me tell you something, you old goat. If you... you might at least have the courtesy to offer me a chair. Sit down, Gildersleeve. Sit down. Make yourself comfortable. Thank you. Now, I have reason to believe that you've been tampering with the affections of Hattie Forrester. So don't try to deny it. Now, Gilder, I've only seen her three times. She's a fine privilege player. That has nothing to do with it. Ever since the first time you saw her, she's been mooning around the house like a love-sick schoolgirl. Well, I always did hell away with the women. Have you been making love to her? Why, no, Gilder. I don't believe so. What do you mean by that? Well, Hattie's a woman. I find her company very pleasant. If she finds me attractive, can I help it? Attractive. She never could have found you attractive unless you'd gone out of your way to make an impression. What'd you do? Show her your elk's tooth? Now, Gilder... I bet you told her about the time you stole the clapper out of the chapel bell at college. Well, I may have referred to the incident. I bet you told her about the time you shot a hole in one on that miniature golf course. I might have referred. Yeah, and the time you held four kings against four jacks and won a dollar twenty cents. Own up now, didn't you? Well, you can't expect me to remember every detail of our conversation. We discussed a variety of subjects. We talked about books we'd read, movies we'd seen, music we both liked. Music? Ah, to a wild rose. Did you mention that? I may have. It's one of my favorite compositions in the modern school. Why? Hattie has been playing the darn piece ever since. I'll tell you something else, Judgie. When she plays it, she hears wedding bells and smells orange blossoms. Wedding bells? Gildy, I'll give you my word. I never said or done anything along that line. You always did have a way with women, Judge. Oh, now, Throckmorton, let's be serious. I am serious. This brings me back to my original question. What are your intentions? My intentions are honorable, but vague. All right, Horace, then you'll have to tell her so. What? It's the only decent thing to do. You go to Hattie and say, Hattie, I don't want you to be under any misapprehension. I have no intention of marrying you. Oh, I can't say that to her. Why not? Isn't it the truth? Well, that's neither here nor there. Nobody but a boor would say it. That's ridiculous. I'll say it. I'll tell her you've been simply trifling with her, that she'd better forget all about you. Well, you wouldn't dare. I'll tell her you'd better a short, sharp break than lingering heartache, and then perhaps a change of scene. Elder Sleeve, if you slander my name to your sister-in-law, I'll sue you. Nothing slanderous, Judge. Only the next time you see her, duck. Do you notice anything different about me? No, why? Is something the matter? I fixed my hair a new way. Do you like it? Oh, great. Um, Hattie, I wonder if I could talk to you for a minute about something quite important. Why, surely, Throckmorton? Sit over here. Uh... Saw Judge Hooker this afternoon. Really? Yeah. Did he see anything about me? Well, yes. As a matter of fact, you were all we talked about. Well, they say your ears are supposed to burn, but I never noticed anything. Judge Hooker told me something. Well, uh, that is, uh... I have a sort of a message for you. My, my, well, what is it? Nothing. Throckmorton, you got me all curious. Well, it wasn't exactly a message, Hattie. It was, uh... The Judge has been a bachelor a long time, Hattie. I know the poor man. I've noticed these last few days that, uh... Well, you seem to be thinking about the Judge quite a lot. Oh, I don't know what you mean. No, Hattie. Well, I will admit we have many things in common. We like so many of the same books, and we're both interested in flowers, roses, and so on. Look, Hattie, if you're thinking of Judge Hooker as a rose, you should understand he's definitely a rambler. A rambler? Yeah. He's quite a ladies' man. He's been a ladies' man for years. But he's still a bachelor. Throckmorton, would you mind telling me what it is you're trying to say? Well, I... Hi, Hattie. Do you have any paper? No, I haven't, Leroy. I bet Marge has it. Oh, well, she'll bring it down in a minute. Leroy? Uh, Leroy. Your Aunt Hattie and I are talking about something that, uh... Well, suppose you run upstairs to supper. Oh, for goodness sake. Just where do I get some kids of my own? Boy, will I...? Well, there's no use beating around the bush, Hattie. Judge Hooker is an old friend of mine, Hattie. But where women are concerned, he's no good. He's a Lothario. He's a Casanova. No, Throckmorton. It doesn't matter to me what Horus may have been in the past. I daresay he's known plenty of women. But if you think I'm going to condemn him to a life of loneliness, just because he's never happened to find the right person, you've got another thing coming. Hattie, you think Horus is in love with you? I didn't say that. Although I may have reason to think so. You're barking up the wrong tree. What do you mean? Believe me, Hattie, when Horus looks at you, he's only thinking of one thing. Cribbage. Throckmorton, I... I do nothing of the kind. I happen to know he thinks differently about me. What makes you think so? Well, I have my reason. Listen, Hattie, I've talked about to the judge. Well, I've got a letter from him. And if you'd like to see it, here it is. Letter? Uh... What does he say, Hattie? He says, I love thee every hour, every minute, and every second. And he signs it, Wait. Throckmorton, some day Horus will have the courage to say that to me. Face to face. Hattie, is the letter typewritten? Well, yes. Horus must remember to write to the men who are doing our fighting for us. Nothing means more to the servicemen than letters from home. And short, frequent letters are better than occasional long ones. Write about the little day-to-day things. Fresh, intimate use is the best kind. And remember to use V-mail when you write. V-mail is inexpensive. You can buy the forms anywhere. And it flies overseas for only three cents postage. And most important of all, V-mail saves precious cargo space that's needed to send the troops food and ammunition. High Army and Navy officials agree that mail from home is one of the most important factors in maintaining morale. Certainly, it's little enough for us to do. Good night, everybody. ... ... ... The ration point blues. Here's how to take one red ration point and buy two wonderful main dishes. Invest that one red point in two boxes of Kraft dinner for delicious macaroni and cheese. Each Kraft dinner box contains two magic ingredients that work together to give you swell macaroni and cheese that cooks in just seven minutes. There's a special fast-cooking macaroni and plenty of Kraft grated for rich cheese flavor. If you haven't tasted Kraft dinner lately, better try it right away. The macaroni is so fluffy-like, and the cheese flavor, it's really rich cheddar cheese flavor, a flavor so many of us are hankering for these days. Let this wonderful macaroni and cheese help you out with lentin meals, with ration meals. Let it save you time and save you ration points. Tomorrow, spend just one red ration point for two boxes of Kraft dinner. It's one of your food dealer's best buys. ... 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