You Weren't Supposed To End





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Published on Oct 6, 2012

A MOVIE FOR ETHEL. AND ANYONE WHO KNOWS THE DEEPEST PLACE IN A OCEAN... It was Thursday morning, like any other. I'd be gone just an hour, with the fur kids safe at home. I never saw Ethel again. A speeding car killed her. Months later I live in her shadows. With vivid dreams that leave me sleepless. Ethel lived with more wonder, grace and love than any being I've known. Thanks to all who watch her tribute.


Today the sky weeps,
Ash-colored rain outside my window.

A long drought concedes.
And water falls from my soul.

Dear Ethel,
I was gone just an hour.
A Thursday morning, like others.
I would be right back, to feed and play with my girls.

You weren't supposed to end,
And probably understood that in your last moment...
When hot rubber and metal smashed into you.
You stood right up.
A reflex.

But you were broken,
Swept into a red current.
Your screams were stuck in the blood
That gushed off-course...
Drowning you.

Wait! You are not supposed to end.

You run faster than anyone, even Libby.
You skim earth's surface.
You are strength of light,
Clarity and brightness.

You are not supposed to end.
You want to cry, an endless note:
I am here, still.

But your voice is soundless,
Behind the wind.
Your eyes are terror,
The deepest place in a river,
Where water runs slowly.
You are dying.

Please...You are not supposed to end.
You come inside, to play with Libby.
Diva your way through breakfast...
And marvel at the wonder of worms and twigs.

Make February 2, 2012 stop.
Come home to me.
So my hands can lift you from the street.
My arms hold you.
My breath passes into you,
And my compressions give you a pulse.

Come home to me,
So you are present tense.
Warmth and stillness between us.
Two heartbeats, not one.

Beautiful girl with sunlit fur.
Brown eyes as wide as the earth.
And puppy kisses as soft as grass.

My body aches where you once were:
In my lap at work,
My arms at bedtime,
Tangled together at play.

One and a half years old.
Forever unfinished...
I love you most, always.


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