 Well, hello and welcome to Understand Men Now. I'm Jonathan Asley of JonathanAsley.com and I'm so excited to be doing this live stream for you today. Our topic, the seven things that tell a man you have class. We're gonna talk about this. And by the way, this is true for men and women alike. Really quickly, if you're brand new to my YouTube channel, please hit the subscribe button, hit the bell so you can be notified of new videos. And if any time during this video the content resonates with you, please hit that like button so I could be seen in the YouTube algorithms. Really quickly, my coaching is what I call heart centered radical honesty. It's direct, a little tough love and a lot of heart. And occasionally I use expletives to enhance the sentence. So if an F bomb or two isn't your cup of tea, I suggest logging off right now. Lastly, these are my thoughts, my perceptions, my opinions, by no means do I suggest this is the truth. You have to decide the truth for yourself. I'm a bit of a contrarian. So my advice goes against public opinion and traditional expectations. So again, all I ask is you give me a chance. All right, we're gonna talk about those seven things that show a man you have class. And quite frankly, this is true for men and women alike. This isn't singular to one gender. Before I start today though, I have a confession to make. And I feel like I've been thinking about this a lot lately. And I oftentimes wonder if being a realist and I'd like to think I'm a realist. In other words, I'm sharing my perceptions, my opinions from a perspective of realism to am I a pessimist? In other words, am I exposing the dating process in a negative light? And what I mean to say is I recognize that human beings are rather dysfunctional. They are rather messed up. And it certainly seems that way in the dating, mating or relating process. In fact, I believe the number one emotional health issue for most humans are I'm not good enough, I'm not lovable and I'm not likable. And so, and I think dating triggers that like nobody's business. So I wonder if, you know, the other day, one of the followers here asked a question, what are the odds of actually experiencing a juicy, delicious, healthy, happy relationship? And I said that the odds are rather slim. I mean, almost saying ridiculously slim. And I'm wondering if that sounds like a pessimist. Now, people are meeting all the time, they are falling in what they believe to be love. And I use the word believe to be love. And people are engaging in relationships all the time. So it's not as if people aren't forming relationships. And I'm talking about men and women in particular. So it's not that, but I also recognize that there's a lot of dysfunctionality in the dating realm. And there's a lot of humans who are riddled, riddled with childhood wounds and traumas and adult traumas that makes them rather dysfunctional in the dating process. So I ask myself, is it realistic? Am I being realistic by sounding like a pessimist? Well, my hope is you all believe, my hope is that I'm looking at this from a perspective of realism. In other words, the realism from the perspective of the fantasy that many of us were sold with. And while these days, you know, we can quote the Disney movies and the Cinderella's. I mean, that seems like such a, that seems like eons ago, but certainly movies like The Notebook and Serendipity and such makes it seem like in romantic comedy seems like, oh, it's just naturally easy to form a relationship. And yet I'm gonna say it's nothing easy. There is nothing easy about this process of dating, mating or relating. There's nothing easy about the fact that we now use our devices that were never used in the past to form a relationship. And I oftentimes wonder if technology is making it worse than making it better. Now I say that because I think there's two sides of the coin roughly about, I think we are gonna reach a point where 80% of all new relationships are gonna happen through these devices. In other words, meeting, let me reframe that. Roughly, I believe in the near future, it's gonna be roughly 80% of all new relationships are formed are gonna happen through an online connection. Now it doesn't have to be a dating app. It could be any form of online connection. It could include Facebook. It could include Instagram. Gosh, it could include TikTok for all I know. So I believe that that's gonna be the norm. And we're already at 50% already. But because of technology, there's two sides of the coin. There's the benefit of access to people. And at the same time, it's becoming the pellet for the hamster, for the mouse to grab the pellet, grab the pellet, grab the pellet. So there is a huge dysfunctionality within the process itself. And then add to that human being's dysfunctionality. So is that pessimism or is that realism? Well, interestingly enough, in the last two weeks, I've gotten four phone, four messages, I should say, not phone calls, but messages from clients who have worked with me in the last nine or 10 months, one of which you got engaged and she sent me a picture of her and her guy. And then another one, I'm so excited. She gave me permission to share this, but she went through my coaching program and she met a really great guy and she knows the difference. And I wanna show you a picture of those two. I swear, he looks like, I think he looks like Matt LeBlanc and she says he's told he looks like Michael Douglas. So great looking couple in midlife. And that's just one of four success stories I've heard from my clientele just in the last two weeks. So I know that it's possible. I think it's just really important to recognize at least what I teach in my private coaching. By the way, there's a link below to schedule a discovery call with me to see if working with a coach is right for you, is I'm all about pre-qualifying your prospect, pre-qualifying your prospect. In other words, before you go on a date, ask some really important questions just to determine if you're on the same page with someone and it's piggybacks the work that's taught by, listen, I know many of you don't like the dating site eHarmony, but the person who started the site, Neil Warren, Neil Clark Warren, wrote a book called Two Dates, Two Dates Are Less. And the idea here is he's picked out 25 key areas of compatibility. And I'm a big proponent of trying to, let's see if we're on the same page before we meet together because if you do meet and there's compatibility and there's chemistry ignited, you've got a much better chance and supposedly, and again, I'm not endorsing the website, but I'm endorsing the philosophy that compatibility ignited with chemistry equals relationship success. Many of you know my relationship iceberg, I say it in almost every video, merely to illustrate a point. We have all adopted this belief that chemistry equals relationship success. You're probably going Jonathan, what does this have to do with class? I'll get to that in a moment, trust me, I'm gonna get to that in a moment. Chemistry equals relationship success and yet why are everybody who has this amazing chemistry? Oh my God, we had the most amazing chemistry. I've never had chemistry like this before, but we don't share the same values. Our lifestyles don't work out. And worse, I'm with somebody who's an emotional train wreck. Folks, compatibility is about shared values, blendable lifestyles and emotional maturity. It's not just about chemistry. So I'm here to say that it's important, that's coming back to the point, am I a pessimist, am I a realist, am I an optimist? You know, my philosophy is this, the more information we know, the better we can predict behavior. When we understand something, we can predict behavior and when we can predict behavior, we can make better choices. Write that down, when we understand something and I'm talking about human behavior, we can then predict the behavior and then we can make better choices. Because the reality is, is these days, people are making terrible choices. And sadly, I am witnessing women going on a lot of first dates that go nowhere. I'm witnessing a lot of women who have had short-lived encounters with men that don't go anywhere. And yes, because of all this, the odds of success are becoming much slimmer. So what do you wanna do to put the odds in your favor? Start to pre-qualify your prospect. And I'm a big believer of something called radical honesty. Put your cards on the table right from the get go. But Josh, the never dating group tells me that's like an interview and it's gonna scare a guy away. Look, you only scare the people that are either not capable of being in a relationship or not ready for a relationship or that they're not attracted to you. I'm gonna repeat that. They're not capable, they're not ready or they're not attracted to you. So do you even wanna invest time with those people? Because the reality is, is with swipe dating, it's harder to feel attracted when we see nothing but garbage out there. I mean, I look at some of the photographs from people out there and it is absolute garbage what I see. I'm trying to find something. I took a picture the other day. No disrespect to this person, but this was their first photograph. Like really, you think that's going to, that's gonna go, oh my God, I wanna swipe on that person. And that's just one example of hundreds. Let me show you another one. That's their first photograph. Look it, look it. I'm not saying you can't meet people with masks on. Thankfully, the mask mandate here in Los Angeles has been lifted. I get to go out tonight without wearing my mask. I'm so excited. So let's put better representations of ourselves. If we're going, if 80% of people are gonna be meeting this way, then put together a great representation of yourself. It's not that hard. Blurry pictures, fish, the middle finger, you know, 10 people in the photo and you can't figure out who it is. I mean, this is the kind of crap we're dealing with and we wonder why dating is so fucking dysfunctional. Maybe because garbage in, he's garbage out. All right, so let's talk about class. You know what, I looked up the definition of class. I don't want to read this to you because I thought it was kind of interesting. Having class. Class involves good manners, politeness, cried without showboating, empathy, humility and an abundance of self-control. The actions of class act people's actions speak louder than words. And I thought, okay, I couldn't just share all that with you and that was the broadcast, but I'm also reflecting on people today. One of the elements of class, and this isn't one of the seven I'm gonna share, is actually treating people with fucking respect. You know, because you're meeting strangers today, there's an absolute level of disrespect with people. I mean, just an absolute treating people. By the way, it seems to me, people are more likely to treat the grocery clerk, the valet at a restaurant or a stranger that needs their door open while walking into a building than the actual respect we treat by connecting people through these devices. It is, and by the way, let's not even get into micro ghosting and ghosting in and of itself, disappearing in communication. It is really saddens me because we think, oh, well, they're just a stranger to us. We don't know them, so we can treat them disrespectfully. And I'm partially guilty of this. So I'm gonna take ownership. I have worked very hard in the last four years to, especially since Connor passed away, is to really operate with as much integrity as I'm possibly capable of doing. And foregoing bad behavior for the tougher thing and that stepping into, maybe by being honest with someone, it might hurt their feelings even though, and I'm using this as an example. You know, when I'm not just that into someone, being upfront about it, saying, you know, I think you're a great person. I'm just not feeling the energetic connection with us and I'm gonna disengage with communication. That to me feels like I'm in integrity now. I may not have done that years ago, but I'm doing my best and my invitation is for everyone else because just because they're a stranger and never see them again, I believe karma bites us in the butt. And believe me, my butt must be bitten up like a fucking, let's not go down that road. Like I've been eaten by alligators. A lot of that is my own self sabotage that I'm talking about, not necessarily disrespecting others, but it's really sad how I witnessed men and women alike. And by the way, I know you ladies like to point the finger at guys. You like to point the finger at guys. By the way, every time you're pointing a finger, there's three fingers pointing back at you. And by the way, all the guys are pointing the finger at you ladies. I mean, if you ladies, since my audience is predominantly women, if you spent time on men's forums, listening to them talking about women and these men spent time on forums that you're talking about men, do you ever wonder why it's a fucking shit show out there? Because men and women aren't talking with one another. You know, one of the things I really appreciate about a woman named Allison Armstrong, who has what's called the PAX program. She puts a hundred men and women in a room and saying, all right, let's roll up our sleeves and let's talk about the shit we're dealing with in the dating, mating and relationship realm. And you know, if it would be, and by the way, I'm so grateful that men are now following my channel. In fact, one guy is so, he's been following my channel using my advice and he said last week, the other day, he's like, he's in a relationship with someone using the tech things that I talk about. All right, I've been rambling on, it's the 15 minute mark. Let's talk about those seven things that indicate men and women have class, okay? Not women, men and women. I think one of the first things is to be respectful with respects to telephone and text communication. And it saddens me to even say this, but this fucking bullshit game of playing hard to get, taking your time to respond, not to seem too eager, not to seem like you're chasing. Fucking, I'm a type of person and someone texts me, I like to respond as quick as possible so I get it off my mental plate for one. But the way people are treating one another is such disrespect, which is a lack of class. So here's my invitation. Will you raise your hand on these seven things I'm sharing and number one, start being respectful when it comes to the use of the telephone or text message just like you would your boss, okay? If you're gonna treat your boss with respect, if then do the same for the person you might be communicating with. And this is right from the very get-go, the first person you swipe with. And number and a piggyback on that is, I think it's such, I can't stand women and men who abbreviate the words like you, why oh you, they just put the you, or they abbreviate things because it's easier for them. I just think that lacks class. So that's just me, you have to judge for yourself, maybe class for you is just manners and using what fork you're supposed to use at the dinner table, I can care less of what fork you use, but I do appreciate people that are respectful when it comes to the telephone and text communication. Number two, bad mouthing your ex, bad mouthing a past relationship. To me, that's low class, you know what? I don't care how bad your past relationship was. If you hyper focus on what was wrong with them and you take no ownership, taking ownership in your part is class. Bad mouthing your past relationships and I don't care how bad you think it was, there's always two sides to a coin or a situation. So I think it just lacks class. Listen everybody, this is my point of view, you don't have to agree with it, I'm just sharing with you from my perspective. Number three, I think this demonstrates so much class is listening to the other person and acknowledging what they said. Oh, you mean Jonathan listening to what the other person and acknowledging what they said? Yes, that is class, acknowledging, by the way, humans are so quick to respond instead of listen and acknowledge. And this is true right from the get go with text communication. I can't stand people that I acknowledge, like I might say a compliment to a woman. And they don't even acknowledge that I gave them a compliment. At least a thank you or I appreciate that. But they go immediately, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, or it's more like this. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. I mean, this is the kind of crap we're dealing with because humans don't know how to listen and acknowledge. If you're not familiar with the book, Nonviolent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg, fucking buy this book. There's a link below to Jonathan recommends books and learn how to communicate better. And there's another great book I've been reading now. It's called I Hear You by Michael Sorenson, the surprising simple skills behind extraordinary relationship. This is all learning how to communicate better. Folks, if you're a single looking for love, half of the problem is you. You don't know how to communicate. Most couples have terrible communication skills. By the way, here's a good book, Couple's Communication Guy and how to build trust in a relationship because what's missing today is a lot of trust because humans have terrible relationship skills most humans do. Listen and acknowledge communication. Number four, I think it's a lot of class when a person has done personal development, self-help and spiritual work. Oh, is that a time for a plug for your book? Yes it is, Jonathan. My book, What the Heck Is Self-Love Anyway? A Journey of Personal Development, Self-Help and Spiritual Work. When a person loves themselves, that is so much class. And I don't mean they walk by a mirror and go, oh, look at how wonderful I am, okay? That's Narcissus, right? Narcissus comes from Narcissus. He fell in love with his reflection. I'm not talking about that. I'm talking about loving oneself to have standards and boundaries in your life. So you don't give your power away to another human being and sadly, so many of you women give your power away to men. It saddens me so much. It saddens me so much. Number five, some of you might like this, some of you may not like this. Consumed by social media. A person who isn't consumed by social media, even if it's their business, I can't stand women that are constantly on their social media accounts or Instagram accounts, their Facebook accounts, whatever it is. I mean, but it's my business. I'm supposed to be honest, my business. Well, fuck it when you're with me. If it's your business, then go back to work and don't spend time with me on your social media. Because to me, that's low class. Number six, this is one of my favorites. Genuinely friendly to wait staff. Genuinely friendly to service staff and wait staff. I love it. When I sit at a restaurant, one of the first things I do is I engage with the wait staff, I ask their name and when a person who's with me is doing the same engaging with wait staff and is friendly to me, that's high class. That's high brow and high class. And I don't know if you feel the same way. That's how I feel about people that engage with those who are serving you. And lastly, number seven, number seven. On time for a date. I am sorry, but my biggest pet peeve, punctuality is one of my most important values in my life. And I cannot, I don't think, I think in what feels like, and I'm not saying this is the number, what feels like thousands of dates and first dates in my lifetime and that's not the actual number, but it feels that way. I would say less than 5% of the women have been on time. I'm sorry, I cannot stand tardiness because here's, and by the way, and what's worse, at one woman we planned a date and we had a date planned and we just, I needed to like confirm the restaurant because I had made a change and she went silent on me for two hours and then the excuse was one of my girlfriends was having a meltdown and I had to be on the phone with her. You know what? If she had an appointment with her boss and I said this in my last video, she would have swam through, by the way, and her boss was gonna give her a multi-million dollar deal if she had to call and to be on time. I guarantee you her girlfriend would have been put in the back burner, but because I was a stranger, not only did she disrespect me, which is low class, she didn't show up, I mean, but people that don't show up on time, that's just, that lacks class. And you know what? I invite everyone to set their standard higher because I got to tell you, today's dating, mating or relating realm is low brow, very low brow. That's my opinion and I'm sticking to it. Being on time shows class. And by the way, legitimately people can be late. I understand that, but you know what? My old boss used to tell me being 15 minutes early to an appointment was on time, being on time was late and one minute late was in, it was after the appointment was inexcusable. I always budget. I'm always, when I go on a date, I'm always there 15 minutes early because I budget for traffic, I budget for things. And if I'm gonna be late, I say it the hour or so earlier. So at least that person goes, oh, I don't have to rush at this moment because they did get caught up. That to me is class and that's the way I show up and I invite all of you to do the same. Are you with me? Can I get a name in? All right. Really quickly, respectful on the telephone and text communication. Do not bad mouth your past relationships. Listen and acknowledge the other person's communication. Has done some self love work on themselves. Isn't consumed by social media, genuinely friendly to wait staff and is on time for dates. That's my invitation for class. And I'd like to know if you feel the same way if you do post a comment below, post a comment in the chat box. And we're gonna take, since this is my live stream, we're gonna take questions. So those who know my format, if you have a question, write the word question then post the question there after or you can purchase a super sticker, super chat. There's a little taller signed in the chat box. All the monies from the super sticker, super chat goes to a scholarship fund in the name of my son Connor Asley. That's a picture of him right there in his obey T-shirt. He's my son who passed away a few years ago and in his honor, I started the scholarship fund to defray the cost of personal development and also to donate to personal development causes like the Hoffman process. And I'm donating, we did get a little chunk of money recently so I'm making a donation, a couple of hundred dollars to the Insight seminars. Go to insightseminars.org. I make no money referring them. It is a place to truly insight seminars, plural. It's a place to really connect with your heart and I invite you all to do the work. You can do it online these days as well as in person. By the way, this is only for those who are on the live chat. If you're listening to the audio recording, you won't be able to see the live chat. So let's talk, what do you wanna talk about today? Do you wanna talk about how people are being disrespected in the dating realm? Do you wanna talk about, I don't care, whatever you wanna talk about, post a comment below and I'm gonna answer questions from the next 20 or 30 minutes. All right, Jeanie jumped in and said, all right, oops, sorry, let's go here. Question, can you please share a personal uplifting dating experience that you had that touched your heart profoundly? Oh, wow. Thank you for the question, Jeanie. I really appreciate it. See, that's an acknowledgement. See, I was talking about earlier, acknowledge someone. That's acknowledging what they said. So this is a really interesting question that had, I think I've shared the story dozens of times, but it was a first date I had with a woman and we went to a dive bar. It was kind of a fun evening. And I went to go pay, I paid for the first round of drinks and it was time to pay the second round. And I was about to give the credit card to the bartender and I happened to know the bartender and I was thinking to myself, why didn't I just leave my credit card? I think I paid cash first. And she reaches for her credit card and she says, I have it. And I said, no, no, I have it. And I said, no, I have it. And she goes, no, I have it. We got a little pissing match. Now I know all the feminine energy coaches will say she was in her controlling masculine behavior. But she did next floored me and it's such a profound experience for me that it literally changed my perspective on things. She put her hand on my arm and looked me right in the eye. She looked, she said, Jonathan, I really appreciated that you treated for the first round of drinks. Will you allow me to show my appreciation and treat you because I think you're worth it? Can you receive? Folks, I was dumbfounded. I was like, I've never had a woman demonstrate generosity in a way. And by the way, I felt like that was a classy thing too. And she said, can you receive? She was maybe testing me, I don't know. But I later realized that oftentimes one of the hardest thing for men to do is receive generosity from a person. And by looking me in the eye, putting her hand on my arm and saying, can you receive? And she treated and it was so funny. We did date for a period of time. It was, there was one challenge we had that we couldn't overcome, but it was so funny. It used to be like, it's my turn to treat. No, it's my turn to treat. And what I, this wasn't about the masculine roles and the feminine receives and all this kind of stuff. This was about, she made me understand the value of mutual generosity. And I shared this in a private group with 15,000 men and over in a Facebook group and over a thousand men commented, she's one of a kind. She's a unicorn, she's a keeper. Don't let her go. She's partnership material. That was the impression men got by sharing this story. And it fascinates me, half the women I shared this story have criticized her behavior. The other half have criticized me for my, well, not the other half, but I mean, not the half, I should say, I've had women criticize her behavior. I've had women criticize me of being a simp and weak. And I'm like, she just simply said, I wanted to show you my appreciation. I've actually had that happen a number of times. I had another date that we went, we went to this really expensive wine bar and we walked to her, we decided we were gonna get a bite to eat afterwards and we had a bottle of wine at the wine bar that was like 120 bucks. And we went, this was Beverly Hills, by the way. And we went to a restaurant to go eat and she said, I wanna just treat you. I'm like, this was a first date. And I'm like, there's just something about generosity that seems to be, it demonstrates a level of respect because dating has become such a gender-based expectation. And this isn't about I'm being masculine and feminine because most of you know how I can't stand the whole masculine and feminine rhetoric. If you really wanna read an amazing book, read If The Buddha Dated. If The Buddha Dated, it throws out all the bullshit gender rhetoric and says, how can we connect at a heart-centered level? How can we connect at a heart-centered level? And I really, you know, when a woman does that, and by the way, there's a multiple, oh, I wanna tell you one other story to piggyback on this. It was one of my first relationships after my divorce. I'll never forget her first words out of her mouth. It really, by the way, I'm a Leo. So this is the lion and me love the following, but she just simply said, oh my gosh, you are so much better looking than your photographs. I mean, just that compliment, just that compliment. I mean, like my lion, mane, my peacock, you know, my feathers went up. It was like, it made me wanna be a better man in a way. It made me wanna like make more effort by simply saying, because women, you get compliments all day long. And that was like, the compliment she gave me was a real kind of like, wow, you really are more attractive than what I expect you to be because online dating is hard to tell. So, I mean, to this day, I viscerally feel this as I'm sharing this with you. And this was 17 years ago. I can literally picture that moment in my, by the way, both these women, when you shared it, it was like, I feel this sense of like, you know what, with all the garbage out there, with all the disrespect with dating, it reminds me that there are some really good people out there. And I'm not suggesting that women are bad or men are bad. It's just that there's some really good people that are not caught up with the bullshit gender rhetoric and they treat people as if they would treat their best friend. And you know what? I'm most attracted to women who treat me, not put me in the friend zone. In other words, they won't have sex with me ever. I mean, it's okay if a woman does that. I'm not disrespecting that. But a woman speaks to her heart and says, I'm gonna talk to you like I'm talking to a friend. I'm gonna treat you like I would a friend. That to me is probably the sexiest thing a woman can do. It's to just say, you know what? I mean, I'm attracted to you. I would love to have sex with you, but I'm gonna treat you like I would treat a friend. That to me is the sexiest thing and that has the most profound effect on me. So Teresa, coming back to your question, I know we've had a lot since, but I just wanna say thank you so much for that one. Where is it? Oh God, we've had a lot of comments since. And I hope you appreciate what touched my heart. Thank you so much, Jean. I said, Teresa, I apologize, Jeannie. Thank you so much. TwoMoon Express says, do you think it's harder to date when you have children? Well, what do you think? I think people that are raising children are in parent mode and they're not in single mode as much. So I do believe it is harder. Now I can go into the little iteration of why I think it's harder. Sometimes it's getting babysitters. Sometimes it's your child needs, you're sick and you have to leave a date. There's all kinds of things that can happen. It is harder. It's naive not to think otherwise. So it depends on how old your children are if they're young children, are they babies? Are they teenagers? By the way, teenagers can be a fucking pain in the ass. And even though my son who's now, there's Colin, oh, it's 25, thankfully he is kind of launched on his own. It's actually tomorrow, he's moving right near me. I'm so excited about that. We're gonna be able to hang out a little more often. But yeah, and by the way, ladies, I know so many women in midlife that will not date men who are raising children because the children are their priority and I get it. By the way, when I see a woman's dating app says my children are my priority, I get it. But here's the thing, a relationship is also as important. So if the priority of the children or the relationship here, what's it feel like if the person treats you important, but you're treating them like this or vice versa? It's like when men treat their jobs as the priority and not the person they're with. I believe in looking at everything as important and you put what's important at that moment in front of you, but you treat everybody as important and when you're in parenting mode, that could be problematic for some people. So for example, I'm an empty nester, I'd prefer an empty nester because I have this free time and I'd like someone who can meet me there. Doesn't mean there's anything wrong with someone who's raising children. It's just, I've passed that point in my life and some people feel the same way. Others are happy to merge lives with their children. For me, it's a little bit sore subject after losing Connor because it sometimes triggers me, parenting, and it triggers a lot of shift for me. And some women can't understand that. I'm still having a hard time understanding, am I, I'm having a hard time understanding this pain that I'm experiencing and okay, I gotta get back on track here. I'm sorry. So anyway, that's my thoughts on children and I love killed children, don't get me wrong, but I also see, it's not easy to be dating or blending lives unless it's really, there's a good fit. Anyway, thank you for your question there, two moons, I appreciate it. Carly says, wow, I finally get a live chat. I'm so happy you're here. Are you ever gonna donate in the name of your son? Oh, my living son. Oh, I guess that's a thought I hadn't considered. I'll ask Colin to see what he thinks about that. So thank you. Theresa jumps in again. Oh no, this is Theresa. I messed up names, excuse me. Jeannie was the other one. Jonathan, why would men not have any pictures on their dating profiles? Because they're jackasses. I can't stand people that do that. I'm a public figure, I don't wanna be seen. Well, then don't fucking be on the site, okay? Folks, it's real, I mean, here's the bullshit. I mean, I can't stand bullshit rhetoric. If you're a famous person and you don't wanna be seen, then I don't care. By the way, I remember when I first started dating, my ex-wife and I got matched up on a dating app. Oh my God, what the fuck? You know, I'm still kinda recovering from that previous share. I, you know what, if you don't have the courtesy or class to post a picture coming back to class, then why do you get my attention? That's my feeling. And for the record, I'm a big proponent of quality photographs on your profile, quality photographs on your profile. So just to give you an example, here's my first picture, a quality photograph. Here's my next picture, if you can see it. Quality photograph. Quality photograph with the dog. Quality body shot, you can see my body. A fun shot. And lastly, the books I read. Can you see that? This is, I see nothing but crap from you women and you wonder why men aren't asking you out? Garbage in, garbage out. So that's my response to you, thank you so much. All right. Oh, another personal question. I'm loving these personal questions. I know you're into traveling. What's your favorite place you've ever been outside of the United States? What's your favorite place you've ever been outside of the United States? I had a great time with my son, Colin, when we were in Paris. I had a fantastic time there. I had a fantastic time in Vancouver, Canada with one of my previous relationships. I had a blast in Cancun. I was at, what's that club met in Cancun with my son and my then girlfriend at that time. This was about, oh gosh, this was 15 years ago. Had a blast there. But I'm dying to go to Bali. I'm dying to go to Bora Bora, not dying. I mean, I'm looking forward to Bali, Bora Bora as just a couple of places that I think would be fantastic to go. In fact, I'm getting so fucking fed up with the bullshit rhetoric here going on in United States in particular, my own state of the draconian, you know, militant way and the disrespect that's happening here in the United States. I'm thinking, you know what? I'm blessed. I have a profession where I could go work in Bali. You know, you can get a villa for like a thousand a month, three bedroom with a swimming pool. I mean, a villa, I mean, with a servant and everything for like less than a grand a month. And I'm like, why not just go work there? We'll see, we'll see what happens. So Heather, thank you so much for that question. I really appreciate it. All right, Dale writes question. What if the guy has an unusual sex life that includes SNM, some bondage role plays involving power differentials and you have no experience in that arena? That's a good question. So I guess the question, really you have to have, you know what, when I get questions like this, I don't know if a woman was into SNM or bondage. Oh, by the way, I once did an interview with a SNM bondage woman, a dominatrix. This was years ago. But I think when I be into that, and first I'm just looking for myself, would I actually be into that? Probably not because I'm a little bit of my own control freak. So by the way, my nose is itchy and I didn't take any medicine. So, but the question you have to ask yourself is this something you want to explore? And if you do, then study it. You know, that's what I would do. If you want to explore it, study it first and ask lots of questions. Because folks, you know, we can judge what other people do, what other people do. You know, judgment is like a virus. It will eat you up inside. It really will. So I don't judge people's behavior. That I do my best to understand people's choices. Now, I may not like some things. I don't absolve bad behavior. I'm not suggesting this is good or bad, but I don't believe in absolving bad behavior, but I'm also a big proponent of leaning into everything from a place of curiosity. So be curious. Just be curious. I wonder what it'd be like. Would that be something I'd like to do? I think I've been tied up once in my life and I did not like that whatsoever. So I think I only got tied up with, I didn't feel comfortable enough to be tied up. It just felt too scary for me. I think you have to have, I believe there has to be a shitload of trust. I mean, a lot, I'd have to trust someone to the, I mean, I'd have to almost trust someone. They'd almost have to put a million dollars in my bank account. I'm just kidding. But to prove that they're trustworthy before I go down that road of submission. Although we submit in all ways in our lives anyway, but that's another conversation. So coming back to your question, Dale, you have to decide for yourself. Oh, you said cop driver, owner, renter. I don't know what that is. So, but anyway, that's my invitation for you. I hope that helped. Thanks, Dale. All right. Hummingbird says, question, how quickly men usually know if a woman they're dating is the right person for them? So men who are deliberately want a life partner, men who deliberately want a life partner know within a very short period of time. Now, I think it takes at least 100 hours of face-to-face time to build level layer one of trust, number one. I think it takes going through a full year of experiences to have, to feel a level of, to see if you can overcome conflicts because conflicts are gonna arise. It's naive to think otherwise. So I think now, but a man who genuinely, intentionally wants a life partner, they're gonna know rather quickly. For the men who have no fucking clue what they want, they're winging it, they're winging it, they're winging it. And the problem with the men that don't know what they want, they're always like, oh, I'm not looking for anything serious. I just want something casual. They're looking to spend time with someone, meaning companionship, connection and sex, but they're not necessarily understanding the other C word of commitment, commitment. A man has to want commitment to really be in a position to know whether or not, in a very early on that they wanna be with someone. That's my opinion. Most people, most men operate, I'll believe it when I see it. I'll believe it when I see it. I'll believe it when I see it. I'll believe it when I see it. I operate because I believe it, I will see it. Because I believe it, I will see it. Because I believe in commitment, because I believe in partnership, because I believe in a life mate, I will then see it. Can you see the difference? The other is like, well, you know what? She's okay, but, oh, she's okay, but, she's okay, but, because ultimately you gotta get through your butch. You have to get through your maybe's. You have to get through those threshold barriers that happen to really build the deep roots of trust that it takes. And ultimately, the most important part of a relationship is trust. Do I trust this person has my best interest at hand? Like, you know, fascinates me. By the way, folks, you know my rhetoric, this is, by the way, if you see my copy mug, this was done by Jenny, a sweet one. But if you read what it says there, ladies, before the penis goes inside the vagina, purchase the book, eight dates by doctors, John and Julie Gottman. Folks, it's time to be a fucking grownup. That's the classy thing to do. You know what? Ask better questions before you have sex with a guy. Ask better questions. You'll eliminate a lot of look-y-lows right off the get-go. I'm a believer of radical honesty early on. But you think that I'm supposed to sit back in my feminine energy and let the man cool me? By the way, that's the other side of this. Jonathan, I'm supposed to sit back in my feminine energy and let the guy, by the way, there's my book, by the way, she's got there. And by the way, there's Salty, if you can see that Connor's nickname. So, sitting back in your feminine will temporarily get the wrong man. If you want a guy who genuinely wants to go the distance, the men who are genuinely intentional, they basically, they're evaluating you quickly and they decide very early on if they want to invest in someone very quickly, okay? They usually are like me. They don't get past a third date if they don't see some potential. I haven't had a third date in a long time because I'm intentional about the process. Everyone else who's winging it, you gotta take your chances. By the way, since I've read the book, Eight Dates and I know everything about it, I'm interviewing women because they don't get a third date if they haven't passed my test. That's just the way I operate. Anyway, I answered your question. So, Hummingbird, thank you so much. Wow, we've got a lot of comments. Wow, I mean, I could spend, I mean, we could spend a couple of hours but it's Friday night. I'm going out with my dearest friends to West Hollywood. And not because of anything, West Hollywood, he just happens to live near there and there's a great restaurant there. All right, Lucy. And so, I'm gonna be getting going in a few minutes. So, let's take Lucy's question. Why tall, handsome, sexy, midlife guys on dating sites don't want long-term committed, juicy, delicious, loving relationship? Thanks, dear Jonathan. It has nothing to do with their looks. Well, let me backtrack. I'm gonna say possibly, the more opportunities a man has, in other words, where there's a lot of women vying for him, it might be that his, well, think of George Clooney. You know, he's the perfect example of this question. He wasn't ready to settle down. And it took, actually, he didn't settle down until, I don't know if it was because of Amon or because he was ready. I don't know that. I don't know him personally enough and I don't care whatever he might've said in interviews. I don't know. But he had to have made the choice that he was ready to settle down. And then when someone spectacular entered in his life, he said, this is the one I want. So, don't focus on why they're not doing, well, okay. So how do we determine, let's, okay. By the way, this is my whole coaching practice. Check out the link below. But I did an interview today with a young man and I asked him, what does commitment look like for him and what does a relationship look like for him? When I'm tall, dark, tall, tall, tall, dark and handsome sexy guy says, you know, blah, blah. He says, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. That's a good sign he doesn't know what he wants. If you ask me the question, I'm looking for a relationship where we spend three or four days and nights a week together doing shared activities, hobbies, mutual interests, spending time with family and friends, traveling together, teamwork, building skills, both in our personal and professional life, intimacy, both physical and emotional intimacy that leads to either moving in together or getting married. So a man who says something close to that is a man ready. I didn't know this years ago, and not that I'm necessarily tall, dark and handsome. I just know that I had to get to a place of being ready to now then say, who do I want to partner with? And sadly, because these devices, there's a lot of garbage in garbage out, I got to sift through a lot of shit because in my daily life, look at, I work from home. I'm not, there's not, I mean, there's no female burglar coming to my home who's I'm like, whoa, you're hot. So the opportunities are going, the opportunities barely exist in my real life. Maybe I should start doing seminars again and just have hundreds of women there. Just a thought off the top of my head. Anyway, coming back to your question, Lucy, I hope I answered your question. A man who doesn't know what he wants is winging it. And when they're winging it, they can't make a decision, especially if they have abundance of opportunities. By the way, you women are no different. I'm gonna tell you, a very attractive woman who has hundreds, listen, I've had many of women I've connected with online who literally say they are inundated by messages from men. And I'm just one in the crowd. They don't know me, they don't know who I am because everybody is a stranger. So they pick whatever's hot in that moment, then they realize they're most attracted to that dysfunctional alpha male and they've done it over and over and over again. And then that's why a lot of very attractive women are single. So anyways, coming back to it's the same reason for men. You know, when you have a lot of abundance until you know it, until you're ready, it's not about knowing what you want. It's about being ready and then knowing what it looks like to be in a fully committed relationship. Is this sinking in? Is this resonating? Give me an amen. All right. All right, I'm just gonna scroll to the bottom here. There's lots of content here. I'm so sorry. Ivy says, I hate online dating. I'll never be there. I will be never there. Sorry, thank you, but not thank you. I get it. Online dating is a fucking pain in the ass. But happens to be where probably 50% of all new relationships are happening. And I do believe that number is gonna reach 80% in the very near future. All right, Miss Dora says, Jonathan, where did you order that cup? This was handmade for me, handmade for me. I can't, I just, Jenny, if you happen to be online, share your wares, but this was handmade for me. So thank you. All right, let's see what else we have. Laugh out loud, honey. We are all just one in a crowd usually at any given moment. That is probably true. That is true. Kelly says there's nothing wrong with being tied up, communication safe word or not, and trust. Again, trust. I don't feel safe enough to go that route, but that's just me. Hugs, Jonathan, late, but not, but here, thank you so much. Ah, let's see. All right, this will be our last question of the night. Question, I grew up in South Africa, would love to meet someone who has been there or know something about Africa. Which dating sites would you recommend for me as women of 72 years young? I'll just be candid with you. I don't know the answer to that. I know United States, I know Canada, I know a little bit about Europe, I know Australia and New Zealand a little bit because I've worked with clients there. I don't know about South Africa. I would basically type in and Google, what's the most popular dating sites in South Africa? I'm sure there's apps there too, but at that age, I gotta tell you something. My parents used to live in a retirement community and there was hookups there all the time. Oh my God, they lived, I think there was over 600 units. No, no more than, I think there were over 600 units, three swimming pools. And I mean, people were hooking and they were all, it's an over 55 community. The average age was probably 65 to 75 was the average age in that range. There was a lot of people hooking up there. Maybe that's the place to go. I don't know, I mean, I'm not, I can't speak to South Africa, but if there are retirement places or assisted living facilities, maybe that's a place to go check out. Winterwear groups are another place to check out, winterwear groups because at that age bracket, there's a lot of winterwear. My ex-wife's mother met her husband of now 30 years at a winterwear's group. So maybe, be a little strategic, you don't have to always use online dating. Go to the places where those people are hanging out and golf courses is another place where a lot of men over 65 are hanging out. That's my suggestion and I'm sticking to it. So thank you so much for that question, Tiana. I appreciate that. All right, folks, I think this will be a good place to wrap up just as a reminder. Oh, Lucy says thank you, very good answer. You're very welcome Lucy, I appreciate it. All right, we're gonna just to remind you the seven attractive things that tell a man you have class. Number one, be respectful on telephone and text communication. Number two, don't badmouth a past relationship, low brow. Number three, listen and acknowledge communication. Do you mean Jonathan, listen and acknowledge communication? Yes, also add gratitude in there as well. Number four, do some personal development, self-help or spiritual work, it shows you have class. Number five, don't be consumed with social media even if it's your job, take a break from it. Number six, be genuinely kind to service staff and wait staff. And number seven, be on time for dates. That's the least classiest thing I see so many women do. Start being on time, I know I'm talking to women, it's my pet peeve, guys should do the same because you know what? Folks, treating strangers with respect is the classiest thing you can do and these days we're meeting total strangers and that's my invitation for all of you. If you have something to share, post a comment below if you're listening to the replay of this. If you wanna schedule a discovery call with me there's a link below. If you wanna purchase my books, all the books I recommend there's a link below. If you wanna join my private group if you can't afford coaching, there's a link below. If you wanna follow me on Instagram, there's a link below. If you have something to share, post it, share this with your friends. Like this video right now, I'd be truly grateful if you'd share this and like it as well. And we're gonna wrap up this video as I always do first off, giving myself a big gigantic shot, the barric of self love. I'm gonna reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay. I'm gonna ask you to turn to someone, a pet, a teddy bear pillow and give Iter them a hug of love because hugs are a great source of love and let's face it, we could all use more love in our lives. I wanna thank Leah and Jenny, Jeannie, Karen, Tanya, Ivy, Athena, Robin, Kelly, Am, Marianne, Lynn, Lucy. Jenny, thank you for your question, Lucy. Lynn, Mastro, I don't know how to pronounce your name, I apologize, Elisa, Robin, Patricia, Susan, Regina. Thank you all so much, giving you a lot of love and hugs. Have a great evening, bye now.