 Aloha and welcome to Figments, The Power of Imagination, the hit show in my mind on ThinkDec Hawaii. I'm Dan Leif. I go by Fig and I'm your host. And this show has two purposes. One, we'd like to entertain you. Pretty sure we'll do that today. And number two, we'd like to inspire you. And I'm also equally certain we'll do that. I'm going to talk about my family today and talk about somebody in my family, Julie Wade, who imagined she could help people because Julie is my niece. So I come from a big family, really big family. I had three brothers and three sisters. And here's the last family photo of us together back, I think in 1988 or 89 in Wisconsin, where it was really freaking cold and that's why I live in Hawaii. And in the middle of that picture is my brother, Jack, my older brother. And Jack's wearing his typical flannel shirt, how he was, what he wore. And Jack had a daughter and his daughter is here with us today, Julie Wade. Welcome Julie, niece Julie, how are you? I'm great, thank you. How are you? I think I'm great. I've found significant disagreement with that assessment, but I think I'm great. Julie, I think we last, we did a bunch of math leading up to the going live. Yeah, I'm pretty sure we agree that the last time we saw each other was 27 years ago. I think you're right. That's way too long. It is. You should come to court in Indiana. Should I come to Indiana or should you come to Hawaii? I'd recommend you come to Hawaii just based on location. But either way, I can't wait to see again because you're one of my heroes and heroes is not a word that I use lightly. In fact, I don't use it very much based on my military experience and experience in combat. I think it takes something special to be a real hero and Julie, you are and we'll get to that in a minute. But we have another picture of you and I together, maybe a hundred years ago. Wait first here, your mom and dad and you, little Julie, why died? And what's the world given me? And then that's us together. And please comment neither on my haircut or lack thereof or my shirt. But remember that you told me something about that visit with you guys in Colorado and I think this was probably 1980, maybe? Is that possible? No, no. This was about 1975, 76. Really? Yeah. Okay, but there was something special about what your dad, my brother, did there because he was a hard man. He was assertive. Can we say that? He was. But he did something that I didn't know until last week when he told me about this. He gave me kind of papal dispensation on something beer related. Can you share that with the folks? I don't know if I can actually show the name of the bear. So it was the type of bear that you had in your hand and I was in shock. I think I was four or five in that picture and at the time the company of that beer from Colorado, their company was on strike and there were some union issues. And your dad was a union guy. He was 100% union and he didn't allow that C kind of beer in our house. I can say it. Could have been. Yeah, I didn't know if I could. And he didn't allow that in the house. I mean, I can remember him fighting with people about it. Probably almost physically other people who come over. They couldn't bring that sleep, sleep, sleep, sleep, sleep, into the house. That's your dad. And he must have been so excited to see you because you were sitting there with that beer and he may have even supplied it for you. Oh, he absolutely did. I'm sure he did. And I was just kind of like, who is this guy? This must be a really special person because he's not saying any of his bad words and nobody's fighting. Let me explain something about your dad. And he was my brother. We lost him sadly, not long ago. But he was a hard man. And in his high school yearbook is the inscription under his photo was argue early, argue late. If a line was crooked, he would argue it straight. So the fact that you shared that story with me is important because, you know, frankly as his younger brother, I remember him kind of giving me a hard time all the time and being a tough older brother. And that's really touching to me. And I thank you for sharing that. You do a lot of positive things in your life. But that meant a lot to me. I'm glad because I really every time I see that photo, I'm like, how is he terrified? I mean, we never had that kind of beer. He could be out of beer and we still weren't drinking that beer. How could that be? And it was. And now I know something about my own brother that I didn't other than had you not told me. And so that's meaningful. And to me, that's you. And I discovered Julie on Facebook, which is weird. We saw it last to each other in 1994 at a funeral for one of my parents. But I didn't really know her. That's obviously not a point where you get to know somebody. But I discovered her on Facebook. How could that be? And I knew that she got married. And I'm going to show a picture of you and your dad and your husband, Roger, your wedding day. That is your wedding day, right? It's just some dress up thing that you have at the house. I told you I didn't make some dress up for glamour shots like that. I want you to notice that my dad did not have on his tie that came as part of that tux that I picked up. He claimed last minute he came to walk me down the aisle. He's like, Julie, I'm like, dad, where's your tie? They didn't include it. Okay. Well, I'm allergic to ties. And that's part of the reason. I've never seen him wear a tie in my entire life. And I guess my wedding wasn't. And I didn't push it. I was getting married. I'm like, I probably said, really? Okay. And we're going to talk more about Roger there, because I know he's been a great partner and an inspiration to you. And we'll get to that in a bit. But I totally identify with Jack's the version of ties, which is funny because my dad wore them all the time. He was not stuffy, but you know, a man of his generation and he wore them all the time, which was probably part of the, the reason that I didn't, you know, just to rebuild. But anyway, I met you on Facebook and looked at your posts. And there's so much vitriol and self pity and self aggrandizement on Facebook. Those are pretty lofty words. It knuckleheads on Facebook. And there's something compelling in what you would put online. It was always positive and upbeat, unless you had a really bad cold. And then you'd share that. And I was struck by that. They weren't just positive. They were uplifting. Do you do that to people? Are you an uplifting person? Are you somebody that makes people feel better? I definitely try. Yes. Well, maybe that's why it happened because you try. I've really noticed that. And we chatted as your son Jonathan was getting ready for school. We connected and gave some advice worth exactly what you paid for it and all that. But really, you became somebody that I deeply admire because of your positivity. But your story isn't an easy one. So tell me a little bit about your story, your backstory. Okay. I'm just going to kind of fill everybody in on a little bit because I thought long and hard about this because I overthink everything even though I'm positive. And I decided, why should we allow, we only have 28 some minutes. And why, you know. Why you? Well, why eat enough was a whole bunch of drama because everybody has drama. And that's not really why I'm here. But the gist of it is that my mother, she was mentally ill. She was diagnosed with schizophrenia when I was four. And she was very, very, very sick and hospitalized numerous times. And when she would take her medicine and she was healthy, she was the best mom in the world. But then part of the illness is you become paranoid that people are out to get you. And then you and the medicine, I guess, makes you feel really, really terrible. So she would start to feel really good. But she would put on a lot of weight. She would feel really terrible from the medicine. So she said, well, you know, I'm good now, maybe I'll cut back. But then she cut back a little bit. But then she would start to get a little paranoid. And then the way that it was explained to me are the voices would say, Oh, that's poison. They're trying to kill you. So she would stop taking her medicine. And then she would get extremely sick. And it was just a nonstop cycle. And then when I was 19, she was 39, she wound up committing suicide. And that was definitely a result of her illness. And your dad had tough times. Yes. And my dad, I mean, he's, you know, he was so young. When I look at how young they were at the time, like they were 19 and 24 when I was born. I'm like, Oh, my gosh, they were babies. And so he was trying to do the best he could with his wife and his daughter to support us. And then she would be, you know, he didn't plan on my mother to be sick. I know that's in sickness and unhealth that I don't think he actually thought that was going to be the case. And he made a lot of, you know, bad choices, like most of us have in our twenties, especially be included. And he's 30s, 40s. No, I'm good now. Okay, good. I'm a role model. I had to get it together before social media came about. No. But when I was just right before I turned 13, so I was 12. I don't even know all the details to this day, but somebody blew our house up and tried to kill him and almost succeeded. And he wound up, he was horribly burned. He, he had 90% of his body and third and fourth degree burns, like full thickness to the bone burn. Should not have survived by medical standards. No, he should not have. In fact, they said less than one in 500 chance of even living. And then they said if he did live, he would have lost all function of like his hands and stuff because of the nerve damage. But he was working on, he was literally working on his house and stalling windows until the day he died by himself, big windows. Okay. And I remember going to the burning unit in Chapel Hill and his doctor. And I don't even remember this, which is crazy because I have a good memory. And I was so proper at that age, believe it or not. I was so proper. Yeah. And apparently he said to me, you need to prepare yourself because your dad's going to die. And I guess I picked something else off a desk and threw it at him and dropped the F bomb and told him that no, he wasn't going to die because he squeezed my hand when I was in there. And that's how we've always told each other we loved each other. And he was wrong. And he was wrong. Wow. Yeah, this will be a tough episode to get through. Because these are things I didn't know about my brother. I was stationed overseas and I knew about the fire and everything else, but I did not know these details. And I really didn't think he was, and I saw it. I mean, it wasn't him. He was, you know, fire makes you extremely swollen. He would say he was in the burn unit in the intensive care part of the burn unit for at least six months. Well, and then he was in the regular part of the hospital for another six months. And he was in rehab for about a year or the rest of the life. You know, my last song I stopped by Albuquerque and song and but anyway, he lived and he had a pretty good life after that. Oh my gosh, his time in New Mexico, like the last 30 years of his life. He had a great life and he made a big impact on people too. I learned a lot going out there. So that, that leads me to ask you, but I think you've already answered a little bit. Why are you so damn positive? I'm not going to make my comments. Because I'd like to stay employable and because it wasn't true. Well, from about 12 on, I would live with relatives or foster homes or residential group homes or wherever there happened to be a spot to live until I was finally on my own. And I was on my own before I finished high school, but I still finished high school and I had three jobs and you know, you do what you have to do. But I felt like, I don't know, there are so much, I made so many bad choices after that too. After my mom died, I was a hot mess and I don't know if I even knew how hot mess I was. You know what I mean? Yeah, well, when we're a hot mess, we seldom realize it. But I survived and I made it through all of that. And I kind of have to move forward a little bit. But when I started working, well, when I became a mom, I knew I had to get my act together because I was a mom. And when I started working with kids, I would kind of draw on their positivity, you feed into that. They have so much optimism to offer. And the more that happened, the more I thought, you know, if I just had somebody tell me this, they're just had somebody tell me this, or just had one person say, Oh, yeah, I had that happen. Okay, so I'm going to interrupt rudely, but I'm the host. You can do whatever you want. Because somebody might tell you would be this that you shared with me, you can change the world. Because you didn't, you haven't just lived positively. You have helped people change the world or their world. And that's a level beyond just not screwing up, not being a hot mess. Right? It is. But I had to get through that messy stage first. I don't want anybody else to why I feel like I learned a lot of things the really hard way. And if I can prevent somebody from having to learn the really hard way. Why not? Yeah, that. Yeah, why not. And here's some of the other silly, naive, positive means that you've shared, you know, be the woman you needed as a girl, frankly, I love that because you needed somebody but your mom was sick and she couldn't be that woman. And how you make people feel matters. And when I think about my life and how I've made people feel in a bad way, man, I don't like that. Same. I mean, I have not always done the right thing. Who has? And then finally, don't quit because not for yourself, but because others will see you quit. Exactly. And people like the kids, your own children or the other kids are people that, you know, you can't, you can't be especially an education and be somebody that just gives up. The kids have to see somebody that fights their way through. And even if you don't make it or you make mistakes and you admit your mistakes, they need to see that you're not going to quit. Well, powerful story. I'm going to take a break and catch a breath and remind people that in just a week, we'll have figments on reality where I make non political, non vitriolic, thoughtful, I hope and thought provoking, I'm sure commentary on the events of the day or whatever comes to mind because I'm the host and I can do that. So the one of the things that is featured positively or prominently in what I saw on your Facebook, get to know your stuff is your involvement in running and coaching, mentoring, track students, track athletes. Yeah. Were you a track athlete or were you one from the police? I was a, maybe, no. Maybe, you know. I plead the fifth. No. No, I ran cross country. I didn't do track. I did a lot of distance. I ran 100 mile weeks. It probably kept me saying. Yeah, maybe, but that's all. Well, that was different training. That was the 80s. I ran 100 mile weeks due to mile races. So that wasn't. I've driven 100 mile weeks, but I don't think that's the same thing. So yeah, so I had some experience with it. You want me to tell you how I started coaching? Yeah, absolutely. Okay. So I had some experience with it. And my son was going into seventh grade and they needed a cross country coach. And he still likes me then. He went through a time where he didn't like me. He likes me again now that he's 24. He's like, Mom, you should, you should coach cross country because you used to be really fast and used to run a lot. And I was like, okay, well, I'll apply. And I really didn't think I would get the job. So I'm like, okay, well, I can tell him, oh, buddy, I applied and I didn't quit. I didn't quit. I applied and I'll be at all your meets. And the principal at the junior high at the time gave me a call and called me in for an interview and and I was the coach. So I was like, Oh, crap. Well, I've met one of your mentees. And I always remember that there's a fine line between a met between being a mentor and a tour mentor. But I met a second Lieutenant United States Air Force Breonna Norris, who just graduated from the Air Force Academy is headed to pilot training. Yeah. And I know what an important part of her growth as a young person you were. And so you didn't just teach them how to put their one foot in front of the other. And now you're a teaching assistant. But those are two separate things, right? Completely separate. Well, so I started coaching. And then my son was at the age where he didn't quite need me as much, you know, during the day. And I did a lot of volunteer work at school. I was able to do that. And then somebody said, Oh, you should be a sub. I'm like, Oh, yeah, that sounds great, because who wouldn't want to be a substitute teacher? Yeah, favorite person in every student's life. And I signed up and I was like, Okay, well, I'll be a sub. And then I worked at the developmental preschool or school system, which is like ages three, four and five. It's primarily kids with, you know, they have some behavior stuff they're trying to straighten out. They might have autism, still really bad places. A lot of them, some of them are really, you know, come from good places that just need a little extra help. And so I started out in a preschool and did that for a couple of years. I was still coaching cross country and then track two at the junior high. And then a position opened up for an assistant at our junior high. And I thought, Okay, well, I'm kind of tired of getting like wet sneeze directly in the face. And I'm tired of kind of, you know, thrill. And I'm tired of being sick every single day of my life. They're cute and everything. I'm like, Okay, but maybe it's time for a change. So I started at the junior high. And I did ask the principal, I said, Okay, I just kind of want to get the low down. Are the kids here? Are they violent? Because in preschool, I got, you know, I would be hit, kicked, scars from being bitten, you know, and I'm thinking, Okay, so these are junior high kids. I can't do this because they have big teeth. And he's like, No, we don't have too many problems with that. And I knew the lady that she's our head special ed teacher. Shout out to Sherry Green. She is the most optimistic person ever. And I knew Sherry and I knew the school and I knew our principal at the time. And so I started working at the junior high. And I love middle school students. So I have a picture here, Julia, of you with a bunch of kids. And of course, your dog, because your dog, of course. Yes, are these your students? Or what's this? These kids, this is the last every year for cross country when I coached, these are spaghetti dinner to celebrate. And these kids are right here. They were eighth graders. They just graduated from high school. So all of these kids are grownups now. Cool. And they're all touched by you. And I know that. I absolutely know that. And looking at the clock here, I want to get back to how you became who you are. And I know that you give your husband, Roger, a lot of credit. I'm sure he gives you a lot of credit too. But tell me a little bit. This is a great selfie. Pay attention to the road, Roger, my God. Well, you know, I hope you're parked. No, like I always sneak in our selfies driving because men hate selfies. And he's just like, really? And sometimes I was like, Hey, this is where we get our pictures. Yeah. And so tell me a bit about him in a minute or two. Okay, Roger, about you guys as a, as a, Roger is seriously the most amazing person ever. We got married in 2006. So we've been together since 2001. So a long time, like 20 years, I guess now. I'm bad at math. Yeah, that's the math. I'll help you with that later. Yeah. Yeah, that's almost math. Oh my goodness. I'm already, it's late here. It's almost my bedtime. Cut me some slack. Right. Right. I understand time zones. But he, but here's amazing. And we met for some friends and neither one of us were planning on dating anybody or we, I don't know. We started talking and we would talk more and more. And I thought, okay, there must be something really wrong with this man because nobody is this normal. First of all, as you know, we started dating. And like the first time we went out, I'm like, just so you know, I left my friend where you work, all of your phone numbers, you know, all of your information. And if I go missing, she's calling the police. Well, it's worked out. And he was just like, and he was like, okay, you know, like, what's wrong with her? But okay. And, and, you know, that's waiting. I'm like, are you a serial killer? What's wrong with you? Nobody is this patient. This is calm. And nobody follows through with what they say all the time. And he's been that way the whole time. And it's clear from what I've seen that you're good for each other. And you're good for the world. What's your current pigment? What's your dream now, Julie? I am in college and I'm trying to finish so I can become a science teacher. Cool. Because you are a self-identified geek and we don't have time to go and we share geek jokes. Oh, all the time. And I just figure I always tell the kids that I work with that education doesn't define whether you're stupid or smart or anything. You know, because it doesn't. However, the more education or training you have, the more opportunities you have and the more opportunities and choices you have, the happier you're going to be with life because you can pick. And well, so I'm trying to do that. And you do. And I see it. And I've seen the results I've met. Brianna, as I said, and I know how many other people you touch. So I usually throw in a what would fig do based on one of my early lessons of this show and our early episodes. What I would do is be more like Julie, because she's a positive human being and a great role model and a person who makes the world a better place every day. I'm sure of it. And someday I'll see you in person again and I'll verify it. Yes. Well, I'll come to Hawaii. Thanks for the sacrifice. And I look forward to that. You are one of my heroes, Julie, really. Thanks for. And I'm so happy to do this. I feel so like a movie star and stuff. Yeah. Well, millions of viewers says me. It's not quite true, but that's what I say. So gosh, that time went quickly. Holy moly. I need a part too. I need my own mini series here with you. There you go. I'll connect you with the Think Tech folks. So remember to watch Figments, The Power of Imagination and my other show, Figments on Reality here on Think Tech. Think Tech is a nonprofit organization. Please go to their website and see how you can support them. They do great work. And I just really admire what Think Tech does in the fact that they let me share incredible people who change people's lives on Figments, The Power of Imagination. So thanks for watching. Please send me any ideas or feedback that you have on your YouTube comments or to the email shown there info at phase-1.com. And I hope you'll join us next week for Figments on Reality. Aloha and mahalo.