 This is a story about choice. I am doing this video in partnership with Chromebooks, which to me represents choice in a massive way. And although at times the story I'm going to tell can seem a little sad, it's a happy one. And one that I am happy to be sharing with all of you whom I hope can take something away from this. So the year was 2013. I was 27 years and completely lost. I lived with my boyfriend at the time in a relationship that could be best described as completely miserable. I had cried in every single corner, square inch and nook and cranny of that apartment. I was years away from feeling like I had done something with myself that I had something to be proud of. I was moving further and further away from the version of me that I always wanted to be and more confused on how to get back to that person or if that person ever existed to begin with. I felt disconnected from friends. I felt a hatred towards my environment. And in December of that year, I was staring at the window and it was snowing and I was crying for some reason or the other. I mean, you cry that much, you kind of lose track of the reasons as to why you are brought to tears. But I remember thinking you chose this. And that was frightening to know that everything that I was and everything that I was not at that exact moment was a direct result of the choices or the lack of choice that I had made at any given time leading up to that point. And even though it was scary to say that out loud and to own that, it was also really hopeful because then another thought came to me, I can choose something different. I can choose something better. So anyways, I want to share that story in more depth. Before we get to that, I want to talk about this, honey. Oh, you know about this. You are on my channel. You've been here before. You know what's up. This is my Chromebook. I love this device, this little magic maker. It has 10 hours of battery life, which for me is everything. I'm on the go. I need something that when I open it up, it's there to respond and there for me. So the Chromebook essentially is a really big smartphone. All of the apps you can get from the Google Play Store, you can download onto your Chromebook. And that includes stuff like Instagram. Also, your Netflix are on here, all of your favorite streaming apps are on here, your TurboTax, and the ones that I love the most, which are Evernote and Squid, which have been game changers and my professional development, allowing me to store all of my scripts in one place, all of my thought starters in one place to record my voice notes all in one place and then categorize them accordingly. I just can't even tell you how much a part of my life this computer is. And I'm happy to share it with you all because to me, this represents choice. Let's go back in time. The year is 2012, one year before that massive epiphany. And here's how I came to that place. A series of things had happened that year. One, I was living in a salon basement, not the best environment. I was paying a really cheap amount of money to be woken up daily by blow dryers and loud chatter. Sometimes I felt like a prisoner in my room because I was embarrassed to come out to be caught. Like, do you live here? Because the answer was and shamefully, yes, yes, I did live there. I was doing a website for a number of years, which a lot of you guys know me from, which is called those girls are wild. And that was the bulk of my purpose of my wife for waking up every day. And because of creative differences and business differences, myself and my partner had come to realize that we couldn't continue on anymore because we just saw completely separate things. But the heartbreaking thing about that is not only do we end those girls are wild, we ended our friendship. And that was one of the biggest heartbreaks of my life. In addition to that, I had met someone that I saw as a life raft. It was a guy who represented all of the choices that I hadn't made. They were successful. They were doing all the creative things that I wanted to do out there in the world, but doing them in a really meaningful, big way. They had a network of support. They had friends. They had respect in their field. They just had it all. And when that person didn't choose me either, and I had lost my best friend, and I was living in this dark basement of a place. And on top of that, I completely had zero idea where I was going in my career with my next steps where something else happened. Usually when you're in this place of complete stillness and desolation, either yes, a big helicopter can come by and save you or a pack of wolves can find you. And in my case, it wasn't a pack of wolves. It was just one person. I started to date someone whom was giving me a lot of attention at a time that I needed to be chosen, that I needed to be validated, even though I knew from reputation that this was not the person to partner with. But I ignored all of those because I wanted the feeling more than I was willing to accept the truth. So anyways, 2013 comes around. We now moved in together. I'm even further behind in my career, less really sure of where I'm supposed to go next. And I kept getting opportunities, and then I would ruin them or they wouldn't come to fruition. And I was just like a car that was trying or a plane that was trying to get off the runway, but just could never lift off. And in December, when I was in that place of just misery, I realized I had a choice. And that choice has brought me to where I am today. So I chose to break the lease on my apartment that I lived with my boyfriend in. And I moved to LA, the good old fashioned way in my car and everything that I could pass and possibly pack in my car. I fit in there and I drove down the 36 hours and I slept on my friend Angela Dugan, which I'm going to shout you out by name because you are a star. I slept on my friend Angela Dugan's couch for three weeks and I kept making choices for me. I chose to go back to school at that time because it had been so many years since I had been in the light of a sex expert and of a relationship and intimacy expert that I had to renew my own education and my own confidence before I felt good enough about putting myself in that light. 2014 was just a year of big decisions with little payoff, big chances with little tiny glimpses of hope. And I'm so proud of you 2013 Shambudi for continuing to choose the hard, even though it didn't give you the fast and the awesome. And I'm making this video specifically for anyone who is a 2013, 2012 Shan at this very moment. And if I could go back in time and say something to myself, I would say you aren't here because this is where you're meant to be. You aren't in this circumstance because you can't do any better or that you aren't any better. You're here because you're afraid. You're here because you've allowed other people to tell you that this is your potential. But you know what your potential is. You know what you're capable of doing. So why aren't you doing that? And I get it. It's not easy. And I get it. It comes with heartbreak and disappointing other people and sometimes even setting yourself back. And maybe choice even means losing out on one opportunity to seize another one that you can't even really see yet. And all of that, you have every right to be afraid. You have every right to want to curl up in a ball and stay there. But what happens when you curl up in a ball and stay there? Because you've been here for a while. You've been in this place in December, year after year wondering what is there to be proud of? What is there that you have accomplished? What's even hopeful about the next year? And it hasn't been easy. And so doing nothing which feels like easy has been anything but easy for you. So choosing something different, how hard can it be? Honestly, how hard can it be? And I wish I could give myself that speech in 2010. But that's not where life goes. Again, shout out to Chromebook to being the representation of choice for me, to being a tool that represents how much I can do in any given moment. This is like the cordless, boundless, limitless potential of me in the manifestation of a little tiny machine that gets to go with me wherever I go. So go in the info box below and find that. And also in the info box below, find all the information on a Chromebook how you guys can get one of these beautiful bad boys in your hand. And if you don't have a tool like this right now, I'm just going to ask you, why not?