 So today we're going to talk about the power of walking away and how that might change a man's behavior. So Marie, I have a question for you What's the most important power a woman can have when it comes to a romantic relationship? Self-respect and self-empowerment. Mm-hmm. So what does that mean to you? What's that mean to a woman self-respect self-empowerment? To me it means it's my life Okay, and and I get to choose what's what's right for me. Okay. Um, I like that It's my life and I get to choose what's right for me You know, you when you think back in history a lot of times men were the leaders of the you know The the the traditional expectation men are the leaders of relationship and women have to follow You probably witnessed that with your parents. I know I was that with my parents. What was that like for your mom? My mom. Well, my mom was just submissive She was raised that way and my dad had all the power and sometimes it wasn't used Appropriately, okay, okay, you know, it's interesting in my parents and my heritage is Turkish So it's very similar to Greek and I'm thinking of the movie big fat Greek wedding, you know, what's the saying? What's the woman says the woman is the man he's they had and you want him to believe he's they had but It's the woman. That's the neck. Yeah Yeah, anyway, I once asked my parents with a group of friends there There were two other couples I think collectively there was a hundred and fifty years of marriage between three couples and I asked them What's the secret to relationship success? Oh, by the way, they're all Turkish couples by the way And the first couple said, you know, marry your best friend, you know And what they really I think what they meant is your your mate should be your best friends, you know Because that's who you go through life. I agree and the second couple said never go to bed mad You know, and by the way, what was interesting is both couple the both the couple said the same thing at the same time Like almost as if it was rurus. Yeah, so then I turned to my dad and I said, what's the secret to a successful Relationship and he says well your mother Understanding that I'm the leader of the house the head of the house Okay, and I love what my mother said next and this was probably just a few years before she passed away She said I go mom. What's the secret to relationship success? And she said Having your father believe he's the head of the house I that's good. Yeah, and what I appreciate about we've talked about my mom quite a bit What I appreciate about my mom was she didn't put up with shit from my dad You know, I mean Yes, he might have been leader in the structural sense of the hand family And my mother was kind of the leader of the home. They both had their shared duties But they were both equal participants in the relationship But more importantly they were equal participates in the power that they had for themselves That's something I really respect within my parents So the title of this broadcast is the power of walking away changes a man behavior What do you think what's your thoughts about that just that that title say it again? I'll read it right here. The power of walking away from a man changes his behavior What do you think that means? Well, I guess it means that if The guy knows that she has The power to walk away then he may behave differently, but then that's game playing Yeah, I know, you know And I think when a woman chooses to walk away with the intent to change a man's behavior I think that's a flawed premise to begin with Well, because I think when you're going to walk away, you better realize that you're walking away Not to control his behavior. Yeah I think that it's so wrong people say, oh, I'll do this because then he might do that So this is why I don't like the book the rules You know things like that which is all game playing techniques to change a person and I do believe When someone walks away that might temporarily change a person's behavior They might miss you in that moment But that all that does is it's triggered by an unhealthy Emotion not from the desire to change and today we're going to talk about different ways to get someone to change Now I heard one of my contemporaries say Dicks are like boomerangs. They always come back So my point being is and what I really I think it's a better way But it men are like boomerangs. They always come back in his his vernacular. That's what he said But the reality is is I think when people break up There is this kind of rubber band effect that happens There is this when you when you it's kind of like What's the movie Jerry Maguire? You know you complete me when there's a hole inside you you want to fill that really quickly and sometimes people fill it by by Going out in the dating realm and you know and meeting new people But then there's a moment where you go god. I missed that person. I was with have you ever experienced that? Um, I guess to some degree but but for me walking away is walking away. Yeah Well, you know, I mean for the most part you've been blessed that um, you've had pretty good experiences with men I mean, certainly your marriage didn't work out and your significant relationship didn't work out But from that point, it's not like you've had to play cat and mouse with men No, yeah, because I just I just don't participate in gameplay. Is that self-respect? Yeah, well, I guess it is You know, I I think one of the reasons why I wrote a book called what the heck is self-love anyway? A journey of personal development self-help and spiritual work by the way Show everyone a copy of my book By the way, there's a link below to get a copy of my book while I'm bringing this up is It's a book self-love isn't you know, it's not about oh I love myself or let me go get manicures for myself or pedicures. That's not what self Yeah, well, that's called self care self-love in my opinion is wrapped in words like self-worth self-esteem self-confidence and self-respect And I think when you genuinely respect yourself one of the most important things you do not do Is give your power away to someone else I completely agree with that So and I'd like to think in our relationship. We are two sovereign beings that come together Because life is better with company, but life isn't dependent upon company We know a couple right now that's going through a breakup And and they went through an experience where they dated for a while and then they moved in together And they realized that they weren't a good fit for one another. They're ending the relationship You you and I were talking about how living together reveals the true character of a person Yeah, well, I was talking with my girlfriend and she says the same thing that before they moved in together He was different and after they moved in together She who wanted the old guy back and Usually that you know, it's funny. There's a there's a saying that men marry women No men marry women hoping they don't change and women marry men hoping they do change Kind of the opposite. Yeah That's why she moved in with them because she thought He was one way and then once they moved in together and she saw the real him But she didn't try I mean they've been together a year and a half But it's interesting now that she wants to end the relationship. He's like, oh, I'm gonna change. I'm gonna change I'm gonna change right so but but frankly if someone is changing because you've had to say I want to leave Is that really again? I said this earlier. Is that a very valid reason to change? Is that a healthy reason to change and the real question is can this person actually change? So, um, I don't believe I wrote down walking away doesn't change anyone's behavior long term It might temporarily change someone's behavior in the short term. So I'm actually going to give four uh suggestions of or Four tools. Well not four four principles to recognize how a person changes their behavior. Are you interested in this? Yes, okay, and then I'll throw something into okay So a man or a person changes when blank dot dot dot man woman person changes when this happens dot dot dot So they're hurting so much that they have to change I can see how but that has to come from him Well, let's forget the man for a moment. Let me let's the person the person Okay, so so do you remember when there was a period of time in your life where you were in a lot of pain? Oh, yeah specific to our relationship. What did you do? I cried a lot. Okay But what did you do in that crying? What did I do I you know I don't Oh By the way, I've learned now. I can just whisper to Marie and kind of telegraph things. What do you do when you're in pain? I went to the naked divorce naked recovery Actually, we'll put that up on the screen right here By the way, there's a link below to check this out but talk about the naked just the worst naked recovery So she was very um It really helped. I'll just say that it really helped you have to take a look at not just the relationship But everything about you as well. So I did the in person two week program But um, you can do it online and she does do it via zoom and I I don't know what was the benefit of doing it The benefit of doing it you're doing this program. Oh, I needed to heal. I needed to get you know, just move on The reason why you did this was because you were in so much blank. I was in so much pain but the um And therapy I just therapy wasn't going to work fast enough. I just wanted to feel better Yeah So this was like it's kind of like intense therapy when you do it on in person So you're so the first principle for change or is that you're hurting enough That you have to change Yeah, right So the second principle for change is you see enough and you're inspired to change Oh Okay, so I I like to think of us as you know not I don't mean this egotistical or anyone I like to think we're role models And when I see what my point is if you see enough good experiences It inspires you for more experiences. So one of the fundamental principles I talk about in my book Is personal development self-help and spiritual work and hopefully you and I but and I know in my when I'm shooting my own videos I'm encouraging everyone to see the value Of Making individual changes in your life, you know one woman wrote me and she said jonathan I've heard your story. You were in you were, you know, you were destitute at one point You had this high paying corporate job. You found yourself back living in with your parents You were literally on the verge of committing, you know going to bed wishing you didn't wake up I And and it occurred to me I was hurting so much that I had to make a change and that was investing in my Individual growth just like when you invested in your individual growth And my hope is by watching this channel by watching these conversations that invites you Vites everyone to make changes in their life. So for a man, it might not be he's hurting so much Maybe he sees something that requires him to change In other words, he sees a happy couple. Maybe he watches a tony robbins Video and wants to go and improve his professional life whatever he sees and says I want to emulate that That's an opportunity for a person to change now the third principle Is that they learn enough that they want to They learn enough that they want to change So um, but it's not enough to want to change They have to take the steps Well, okay, so these are okay So you when you've witnessed like watching the channel for example when you've learned enough and you go, oh my gosh I have to make a change in my life. Yeah, it's through this learning experience. Maybe it's going to school Maybe it's going to workshops. Maybe it's going to couples workshops through the experience of learning It gives us an opportunity to change Provided that our ego doesn't get in the way That's what your point is. It's not enough to want to you have to do the things to make the changes Now what's interesting the last principle is that they receive enough and they're able to change they receive enough Okay, so this is where I'm a little confused as well But here's what I'm thinking And this is the danger trap most women get into If I just give him enough love he will change That's not going to work. Have you you're familiar with this, right? You think you talk about that for a second? well, I um, I was in couples counseling in my marriage and When I went to see her when I had just had enough and I just couldn't I wasn't sure how to end it because we never learned how to get to Morse. I didn't know how to get married much Let's get to work. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah Um, and she said to me that behaviors Can be modified If they, you know, if all of these things that they're they're willing to but personality traits you cannot change That's so true. You know, someone's character their innate personality is probably relatively fixed I mean, I do believe personality can change. I think we all can grow But it's highly unlikely behaviors can change but personality is rather rigid and Narcissistic personality disorder. Yeah, you better just hang it up because you're not going to change Who they are that's who they are And they can't even acknowledge that there's an issue much less do something about it So I okay, and I'm in full agreement and coming back to my premise I think women oftentimes believe if I give so much This person will change the problem with that premise is I'm a full I'm a huge believer of giving love I'm a full believer of giving love However, without compromising yourself respect that we talked about before So I think it's beautiful to give love and that's certainly an opportunity for a person to change But they have to be able to change. That's the key point if their personality is fixed Then it's gonna it's gonna be hard for them even no matter how much you give It's almost impossible. They're unable to change if their personality is fixed behaviors can change taking the toilet seat down That's something that can be changed. Okay you know, um People change Like you said when when there's an issue that Creates them to want to change. Yeah, but you have to acknowledge that there's a problem to change it Like a lot of people just they don't they can't even acknowledge They can't take the feedback Remember we're talking about this one couple that the they had an issue with snoring And he just simply said to her live with it deal with it. Yeah deal with it In other words, it's your problem. Not my problem. And I thought this is where That's a couple that's not operating as a team You know, by the way folks one of the things I appreciate most about marie and I hope you feel the same Is we operate like a team? It's like how can we It's like two heads are better than one, you know, and sometimes you I take the lead on things Sometimes you take the lead on things we both have our strength. You're the I'm the head the neck the torso. No, I'm just kidding. I'm totally kidding. Um, but my point is Is a healthy relationship is an exchange of both people mutually investing in one another and it's not about 50 50 No, it's a hundred a hundred. It's exactly a hundred a hundred I'm not a fan of the idea of 50 50 relationships I'm a fan of two people putting a hundred percent Mutually in the relationship and they they amplify each other's strengths, right? A hundred a hundred doesn't mean that you're both a hundred at the same time all the time Yeah, but when you recognize that the other person is down then you pick up the slack No, it's yeah, that's how So so we have a trip we have a trip to hawaii plan Well, she's been there before she's the best at like searching all the websites to see where the best deal is She knows how to get the coupon codes and everything even figure out how to get our airfare for 150 bucks for the both of us Generally, that's her strength. Okay. I could be in my ego saying I'm the man and I have to plan this trip and do everything The best relationships are where you rely you actually you acknowledge and and Amplify each other's strengths Yeah, like you're good at folding clothes and I'm good at putting it away I don't like putting clothes only towels because towels stack very nicely Of course our our clothing all smells nice because she's put these little pink beads inside the the washing machine to make them all smell Nice so coming back to the power of walking away changes a man's behavior folks. I think that's garbage I think you can temporarily Change someone's for momentary sometimes But the real power of walking away is what did you say in the beginning? Oh self-respect and you know what if you're gonna walk away walk away with your head high But walk away knowing that if you've done everything to make this relationship work It's not your job to try to salvage it and even if they come back begging claiming they will change just remember People rarely ever change unless they want to not because they feel like they've been forced into it Is this sinking in is this resonating? Please let us know Hey, I'd like to hear your thoughts on this post a comment below if it did resonate with you Please hit that like button. Please share this video. Please subscribe to my channel Hit that notification bell and by the way if you want to connect with me in the description of this video Or ways to schedule a discovery call with me to join my group to follow me on instagram and I mentioned marine mentioned The naked recovery naked divorce ask click the link below ask for Adele mention our names And I think she's going to give you a $50 discount For one of her programs. So check that out and if you go to her website or the website they have They have the testimonials and you'll see me there And that was a long time ago and it's still there and you look exactly the same No, I'm a totally different person. I think there it's it's actually that was something very interesting to go back and see Because that was in 2016 17. Okay, and and to read to listen to myself speak about What I was going through was like wow I watched it. It was pretty cool. So okay, so check out the link below for that. All right It's time for q&a If you have a question Write the word question in the chat box. Okay, then post the question thereafter Or you can purchase a super sticker super chat. There's a little dollar sign the chat box All the monies from the super sticker super chat goes to a scholarship fund in the name of my son connor asley That's a picture of him right there He's my son who passed away five years ago next week And in his honor, I donate to causes like the hoffman process insight institute and seeds of love Seeds of love is located in cali columbia and it's an orphanage for children that have been abandoned by their parents And they are terminal and this woman takes care of them. It's a really great foundation Yeah, so in columbia, right columbia. All right, and where are you from? I'm from cartagena columbia. Okay I've got this great little uh, cartagena, right columbian princess and my queen in my life. Excuse me goddess Hey, look, we already got a super sticker from margaret. Thank you so much We really appreciate the seven dollar and nine nine cent super sticker. All right. If you have a question post a question below Um melanie says I appreciate you are good role models in the old saying there is There is no i in team exactly you cannot make the horse drink water I do agree kimberley goes on to write self respect Hey giving you props there kimberley. That's exactly it As anna says wow marie. You should be a travel agent Have you thought about being a travel agent? But I don't I like doing it for myself for fun. Yeah once it becomes a job It's not so much fun. Yeah Well, you'd love to do this all day long with all the different websites and see what kind of deals we can get So I appreciate that from you margaret says yes, if their personalities are very hard to change It's very hard to see your faults. But if you can if you can it's best thing ever I would agree So, you know what I want to share with oh, let's see if we got some more questions come in. All right um T davis says yes marie. I get that about going back and listening to what you said It's like reading what you've written in a journal from years ago. Exactly. Good point. Yes Okay zen gal has a question Um, my guy seems like he gets his his x involved with random projects. It bugs me thoughts Hmm That's a tough one. Um You know, I have a very good relationship with my ex and um You can't control how other people behave How does his current wife feel about your communication with him? Oh, no, by the way, this is the father of her children by the way um Yeah, she was great and nice and everything in the beginning and then at some point she turned into an amber herd So in this particular case you you'd like to have a good relationship with your ex not that you need to talk to him all the time She's a nice lady. She's I don't know what but I want to come back This is a point where a guy is is involving his ex in little projects and that bugs her Well, then you have to take it out on him. He's the one that you have to question not her No, she's not saying her, you know, but it bugs her. Okay, so so The real root of this is why does it bother you? Like what is it about that that bothers you? Do you feel like and I can recognize you might think it's inappropriate But just remember if this is a marriage in your case It was 20 some odd years and your ex is a doctor and sometimes you ask for little things that relate to doctor Uh, I mean not to doctor medical issues medical issues, you know, I'm using that as an example, but Rather than view it from a negative How about view it from a positive that he's being loving to another human being? You know, what you have to really ask yourself Is there a deficiency in your relationship that causes you to feel maybe jealous the fact that it bugs you If there's a deficiency in your relationship I would address that rather than the than the fact that he might help his ex on occasion Now it could mean that he still cares for his ex. That's quite possible He might still have feelings for her. You may still want to get back together Those are really good questions to uncover Thankfully your ex-husband doesn't want to get back together with you My ex my ex-wife by the way, it's her birthday today. Oh, is it wife? Yeah Well, and you know this past weekend we actually went to play a pickleball with his ex-wife and his son Yeah, that was kind of fun. We played pickleball with a nice lady. Yeah She she treated us to her uh tennis club and we had a good time You see, I think it's important to have a good standing relationship with an ex if possible However, there's boundaries and most importantly there isn't that desire to get back together with them You only feel like the you know, your ex-husband's current wife. She feels threatened But that's because there's a deficiency in their relationship. Not because you're doing anything wrong Okay, that's my two cents on all that stuff. I hope that helped Condra says Jonathan, I suggest you lower your voice a little when you yell like that It doesn't make more convincing what you're saying I can't help that. That's my tone of voice. You know, and sometimes I do yell that's called passion But thank you for pointing out. He doesn't yell at me. I don't yell at you. No. Oh, I'm gonna start now. Just kidding Lulu writes question. Is it a bad thing to marry a man who's a sex addict? Is it a red flag? He told me that he was addictive Do you have a thought on that? I have some okay Well, my first reaction is I'm a sex addict. No, I'm just kidding I need a mint I certainly do I do appreciate a person that has this Healthy libido. Okay. Now if that libido cannot be controlled, in other words, they got to go spread their seed everywhere They have to jump your bones every 10 minutes That could be problematic. Is it a red flag a red flag? I want to remind everyone There's a difference between a deal breaker and a red flag A deal this this could be a deal breaker for you. Okay a red flag merely means ask more questions It means you have to find out if this falls into the category of deal breaker Or it falls into the category of something that you can accept Is it a bad thing to marry a man is a sex addict? It could be very problematic. That could be a big concern And the fact that he said he was addictive. I think he's telegraphing. Look I'm gonna hurt you somewhere. Did later on down the road I can't be trusted. I you know, I feel like he's telegraphing ahead of time and What was the beginning? What was the first two words you said out of your mouth when we started this broadcast? Self-respect says what what does self-respect do in this particular case marie? Self-respect. You know what? I wouldn't um, I would ask more questions. Yes, because I want to know was Is he kidding? Is it like a real addiction or? Well, I think even in jest That's that's just a that's probably a powder keg waiting to happen. I just remembered I did go to a meet and greet that somebody that I met okay and he said That he has a very high sex drive and he has to have Sex at least once a day every day at least Oh, I like this guy And and I thought, you know, the guy that's saying that on the first meeting I'm not gonna waste any more time. Well, certainly he's trying to get a temperature gauge at where you stand in that, you know, but I think it's inappropriate to bring that up on a first meet But certainly he's that's that was important to him and he's looking for someone else that sees it that way Does that mean he's a sex addict? I don't know it could be So I remember when he called me. Yeah to go out again I told him that I just didn't think that we were compatible And then he's like, what do you mean? Like, well, I like to have sex once a month But I mean like that by the way, that's not true Just the whole To lead with that and like it's not about building a relationship It's about focusing on the basal, you know, the base instincts of a person and not something more What did your profile say you wanted? Deeply connected relationship. Yeah, long term relationship that may lead to mutual trust and admiration. Oh, you got it down Anna writes question. Jonathan is your ex-wife remarried. She is uh, been with someone for the last I think 15 years wait 2007. So yeah 15 years. She's been with uh, adam literally practically a step-father to my children Um for a long time and they're not married, but they've lived together for a decade and a half. So Okay, that answers that question. All right Wanda says the last thing I would want to be with is a sex addict be a sex addiction with a man. I'm not there I get it all right Melanie says What if couples is having what if the couple is having a hard time agreeing to disagree if not willing to compromise? What what can help? People that are not flexible So Well, there's I think they're I think it's okay to agree to disagree with principles Okay, if fundamentally, okay, I'll give an example that couple that uh, that came to our house You know that when we camp, um They really had a big issue on the the vaccine the covid vaccine And one of them was very much, you know 4 4 4 the vaccine and the other one was very against against against and this is a Halfably married couple they get along in so many different ways But they had two different principles with this and eventually in fact, I counseled them at one point And I you know, this is one of those where you just have to agree to disagree So they both didn't get the vaccine. No one did and one didn't You know, but that was and and there was a big, you know a big issue In fact, by the way, the covid vaccine came this close to breaking up a lot of marriages in my community Because there are some people that were very much against it and some couple, you know One person in the relationship was very for it. So coming back to the idea of agreeing to disagree You know, I think agreeing to disagree doesn't mean you abdicate your position It just means that my position my truth is true for me And your truth is true for you I think when we get when our ego says I have to be right And you have to be wrong That's where problems happen and one of the things a friend of mine once said to me Would you rather be right or would you be ha rather be happy? Yeah I'm sure there's things in even in our relationship. You've compromised because you'd rather be right than be happy I'd rather be Rather be I'm sorry, I'm giving you all the power to be right Uh, I'll do a willy walk a scratch that reverse it. Uh, you'd rather be happy than right Yes, okay And and that's part of a healthy relationship is to be able to resolve conflicts By the way, one of the key traits to a successful Happy relationship is the ability to resolve conflicts if you're not familiar with the work of The gothmans. Um, I'm going to reach over here and grab this book There's two books. I want everyone to check out One book is called eight dates by doctors john and julie gotman and then seven principles for making a marriage work By the way, scratch out the word marriage and replace it with uh relationship There are two huge chapters in these books that talk about conflict resolution in each book That is a key To a healthy happy relationship the ability to resolve conflict and one of the fundamental principles in revolts resolving conflict Is not about being right Okay, it's about choosing a happy path and sometimes when you're at an impasse. It's okay to disagree to agree to disagree You're smiling. No, it's just I'm I'm just thinking back to times when when somebody doesn't want to just let it go like if you You know, I'm they're not going to convince me But then they they just keep going you know That feels disrespectful to me. You're not respect. Well, I'm not talking about you But no, I get that you're not the person is not respecting my point of view You don't have to like it, but it's my point of view So let's go back to this title the power of walking away If someone won't let something go You know, I there's a part of me that feels like look if you are going to be such a fucking jackass excuse my french Okay, that you can't let something go. Then why do I want to be with you anymore? I think sometimes we have to smack people upside the nose and say look If you're going to be so rigid here, then why do I want to even be in a relationship with you? And I might love a thousand things about you But if you're going to die on the sword if you're going to double down on something That tells me that you care more about being right than being a partner in this relationship And I think sometimes we have to call people out on their bullshit I by the way, I have no problem calling other people out on bullshit. I have a real hard time accepting my own bullshit But I have friends that do that for me and they constantly call me out on my shit. Excuse my french Well, those friends that are that are Separating That's that's kind of what happened. Well, they reached an impasse and by the way, you know, I just he was Not flexible. I am not a big fan of people who have rigid ideologies or rigid Um perceptions of how things should be, you know, this is what causes Conflict this is what causes wars when you say I have to be right And you're wrong and if you can't let something go Do you really want to be in relationship with a person like that? That's just my two cents on it All right. Thanks so much for that question late lady luna Why does a man send pictures and texts to let me know What he is doing on a daily basis, but doesn't engage when I share what I'm doing It shows no interest in me and why does he even bother? Oh, did you have a thought meddied? Oh god. Okay. So you tell by the way, this is a Tell the story. This is a guy that I I never I didn't meet um, and But he you know, we we spoke on the phone and he would send me pictures of every Place he went to so he was every bar. He went every bar every restaurant downtown chicago and I was in the suburbs And and then one day he calls me and he says, uh, you know, you're I'm a city rad and you're not and I'm like something mouse mouse Yeah, city mouse and you're No, I'm a I'm a city rat in your suburban mouse. Yeah, something. Yeah. So then I'm like, hey, I used to live in the city I don't have a problem going there. So we we meet And it was, you know, the four seasons bar. It was the ritz carlton bar and then You know, and he he ordered appetizers and stuff, but after that I didn't talk to him anymore because that's all he did was send me pictures of You know, masros and you know tavern and this and that and I'm like this guy goes out every single night of the week This is not the kind of person that that I but okay, so let's get to the root of this He mostly talked about himself. It was all about his show So there are a lot of people that are operate from a place of if I'm interesting You will be interested. Okay. I want to invite everyone to shift that narrative It's all about whether or not you are interested in them It's not about professing how interesting you are as a person allows someone to Be curious to invite that conversation But at the same time be curious to find out about them Learn about being interested instead of focusing on being interesting Which in this particular case this person a lot of men operate. This is the peacock Type of thing. Yeah, if I show you how wonderful you are, you're gonna want to be with me I'm not a big fan of peacocking. I'm a big fan of being curious And then determine are you really genuinely interested with this person based on their character? Versus what they have to show on the outside. And by the way, the reason why he was called matt hinge is his last name in your Phone or your address book was the dating app you met on By the way, we both we've we've gone through and deleted all We went through I still have I still got I've got people with the last name bumble And hinge and match and millionaire match and okay cupid. Just the name. I don't have any Well, mine was m match It was either jenny match or uh, you know, uh Or jena m match All right Let's keep going here. Oh, here's one from of our member from our facebook group By the way folks if you'd like to have direct access to me on a regular basis check out the link below to midlife love mastery This is one of our members Writing in saying What is the difference between tantric sex and lovemaking? I'm still looking for my lifetime soulmate Did you have something to share? No, okay waiting for you Well, I think tantric sex and lovemaking can actually be the same thing So tantra is I believe like a derivative of yoga. It's all about learning Breathing techniques and connecting techniques. There's tantric workshops. There's things called pujas where you can be with a partner and learn non-sexual ways to connect with your partner mostly through breathing exercises The breath is a very powerful tool to connect with your heart one of the things I always say breathe Oh, you don't do that as much anymore. Well, I know because you're already, you know, you've mellowed out since we first met in a good way I don't ask you to breathe as much my point is you're learning to center What that does is it helps you become present and when you're present You become when you're present in your lovemaking it actually amplifies the sexual experience So with respects to your question, there's really no difference between the two It's just a technique to actually connect at a more heart-centered level Uh through breathing techniques. So I hope that helps And one of our members says google tantric sex exactly Um, what would you do without google? What would we do without google? The encyclopedia. What did we do without world book in britannica? Does anyone remember world book in britannica? I want to give miracles some props for the five dollar super sticker Thank you so much. We appreciate that All right, rebecca's in the house My boyfriend of five months just told me he's not ready for me to attend a family reunion this saturday His parents are deceased. I've met his son and he's ready for me to meet his daughter um Oh And the question is continued. How should I take this? He's been very measured in our relationship so far measured You know, I didn't go to the funeral of your Your mother-in-law your ex-mother-in-law. I should say um, I didn't feel And by the way, we talked about it, but I didn't feel this pressing need to go and and let me tell you why i'm gonna This was an opportunity for you to connect with family with cousins with with people part of your your ex's life And I would have just been a distraction and I would have been someone you would have had to babysit Right. Well, that's why we talked about it because I just didn't think Um, it was the right thing at that time I mean, he didn't know anybody there and it's not the time to meet people So but in your situation like I'm not understanding this you've met the kids, but these are well, let me let me Yeah, so where I want to go with this. Um When you're integrating into each other's lives I I believe to do it in a very, you know drip marketing way just a little by little So you've met the children and that's really great Maybe you spend a little more time with his children and he spends time with your children if you happen to have children And then you move on to friends and maybe you move on to family So when there's been enough familiarity, so I did Christmas with your family It's because I've met all your kids. I've spent time with your kids. I've even stayed the house with your kids So by the time that happened Um, but the only reason why I didn't go the funeral is there was going to be so many people I didn't know I didn't want you to have to babysit me and my guess is That's probably that's the reason there's going to be lots of people there that it's just too much He wants to probably I have the freedom to visit with anybody without having to It's like going to a high school reunion and bringing a partner like I mean that would be like torture So I brought my best friend who's a guy from back then And that was fun because he knew people because he went to the same school as you know He didn't but he knew people that you knew Yeah, I would never want to go to one of your reunions And I don't think I'd want you to come to one of my so it's just That's just my two cents on that rebecca. That's my gut feeling on that one. I hope that helps Okay kimberley writes Why would a man tell you that he loves you and hates you? Huh um That's a very confused person Well, you know, I can love you and also be pissed off at you at the same time. I wouldn't hate you Um, but I I think that's a really cruel thing that and anytime you say to someone I hate you That's a really cruel thing now. That's a strong word. That's a strong word now I could be jealous of something you do Yeah, yeah, like your ability to travel with with ease kind of thing and I always You know have panic attacks. Okay. That's an exit. By the way, that's such an exaggeration But we play with it so I could say god, I hate you, you know But I might be hating you for something that I want within myself Yeah, but that's you're joking around with so I don't know if that's the that's where I'm just going with this I'm throwing this out there. Is it possible that what he hates in you is something that he hates within himself Or maybe it's something simple like um He hates you for Him falling in love with you. Yeah, like I hate that So it's again the context matters. So in this particular case kimberley context matters So if there's more you'd like to share, please let us know. All right miracle Dating a nice nice kind guy. I like him. He's not the best at communicating and maybe sometimes not emotionally intelligent We are both aware of it. It seems he is willing to follow my lead Yay But here's the question now How do I teach him to explain things to him without making him feel stupid less than or making him feel Like a child. Thank you hmm Well, first, um, you know, I I I love the idea of leading by example by starting to expressing yourself And one of the things that I think is really a good exercise for couples Is to on a regular basis Practice gratitude with one another. I think it's important to express to each other what you're most grateful for about each other Gratitude is a powerful tool to connect with your heart and something marie and I do on a regular basis is share What we're grateful for about each other the little things and also the big things Mine do Excuse me He's the one that initiates that because i'm not Communicative in that way. I well, I do you know, I am thankful and for well words isn't necessarily your strongest love language, you know So I happen to be we jokingly say i'm the chick. She's the guy and what that really means is I have been blessed over the last decade and a half to really be able to tap into My capacity To be expressive. I wasn't a very expressive person throughout my life And through these experiences and certainly losing my son That cracked my heart open in a way. I couldn't imagine When I chose to grieve through love I recognize the importance of of expressing gratitude Because when I lost my son my last words were to him my last physical experience with him was a hug and kiss and I love you And in that five years ago going through this experience of loss. I I think it's important to emote Not everybody it's not a strength of theirs. It's not a strength of yours and I push you You know and he does And sometimes I push back You push back and at the same time I do believe that and and you when you do emote when you are Expressive you really come from a genuine heart centered space See that's what I mean. Like if you let it happen naturally Oh, then I'd be waiting for the coming of you know, you know my old age That's a joke. But my point is practice gratitude That's a great technique to connect with one another at a heart center level. Do you agree with that? Okay, say something nice to me now. I'm just kidding All right, let's keep going If you have a question write the word question then post the question there. Oh, here we go lady luna writes I dated a widower with kids who clearly didn't want to be my boyfriend But invited me to go to a concert with him and his son. I declined because I felt awkward about it confusing, right? uh Well, okay, so there okay, so did the two of you have sex together because that changes the dynamic and everything, okay He didn't want to be your boyfriend, but he was certainly willing to take you to a concert Well, if there was no sex involved then you are merely a friend to each other. Have you talked about? Dating have you talked about a relationship? Have you been physically intimate with one another if he clearly says he doesn't Didn't want doesn't want to be your boyfriend He's what he's saying is I don't want you to be my girlfriend And what does a what was the first two words of this broadcast called? The power oh Yeah, so self-respect. Yeah self-respect says If he's not willing to call you his girlfriend do you want to engage? It's certainly at least on a physical level with a relationship. It doesn't mean you can't be But yes, it is confusing depending on the context that we're talking about Do you also think dating widowers? Comes with its own challenges, you know, you did bring up a good point young kids and Widowers especially if they genuinely love their spouse. They are going through a complete um You know catastrophic system failure I mean that's what I mean is an internal like when I lost my son that was a catastrophic system failure Now I mean you feel this on such a visceral level That while you might want you desperately want that companionship connection and sex You know in a relationship when you lose someone you want those feelings But you may not be even capable of it or ready for it and that's possibly also what's happening But just remember if he's not willing to call you his girlfriend Or call you his girlfriend. Do you want to be with someone? It's not about him calling you you calling him his boyfriend? I want you to think about the other way around I did date with somebody that was a widower and it had been Many years and he had three kids and now they were all young adults and I got invited to a barbecue at his house and he He had like a shrine for for his wife And you know, like I get that is you know, it's for his kids and everything But it's kind of weird because it had been 20 years that she died and yet Well, if you've got children, there's this this challenge you have of like look I want there, you know, my children to feel like there's a presence from their mom and their life That's why it has its own challenges And that guy though, um, it was clear that he just wanted to be the cool dad because his kids were all in They were all in college And he would take them and all their friends to Greece. He was Greek So, um, my ex-wife's mother married a widower And uh, he was married, I believe for 25 years had several children with these With his first wife and then I think it was three years later that he met Sheila and they got married And he correspondently spent another 25 26 years Which Sheila in fact, I believe he was married to her longer than his first wife because she died rather young And what was interesting, uh, when we uh, and he passed away by the way, he was 93 years old Sheila is pretty old right now too. What was interesting at the funeral I thought the children hated the stepmom They said I remember one of the grandchildren got up and said I am so grateful Sheila You came into my grandfather's life. You brought him joy. You brought him fun You brought him a sense of adventure And and I could see the children the other I mean there were there was a tear in their eye I mean I I mean I was tearing up to hear that because You know, it's not that you don't honor the person in your life But it's also making room that you can have a beautiful life with someone else, you know And by the way, he was 60 when he met her So and I think she was in her late 50s. So anyway, um, that's my two cents on that Sammy wants to remind us of the room. We quote your heart has to be broken to let it open That is so true Okay, let's keep going Jane wants to remind us the power of walking away must do it if it's done Not so show not show Wait, if he does not show it and let you know he likes you I'm not sure I understand the English there, but the grammar there, but please forgive me. Let's keep going here Marie I joined facebook dating app. I still like my location showing. How do I stay safe true Jonathan, I'm a widower Oh widow She's asking you question for Marie. Oh, what she said Jonathan Oh, no, Marie. How do I stay true? Oh, she did say Jonathan Well, she's talking about her location showing. How do you feel about showing your location? Well, I mean, I would do a general location, but in facebook it is I think you can put change your location. Yeah, like my location. I live in redondo beach, but I put down Los Angeles, you know, I would say chicago and like chicago's so big, you know So yeah, I think you could put a general location. Okay uh Let's see Tell it Jonathan about the widower story. Wow. I love that story about uh, sheila. So Let's see What about physical wait, what about dating physically physical men without missing an arm or a leg? With okay, I went about dating someone who's missing an arm or a leg You know, here's my feeling about people that are you know in that type of position whatever it is whatever you know, I think typically Meeting someone for the first time and then knowing that they have something like that. That's going to be a hard thing to accept That they're missing an arm. They're missing a leg these types of things, right? I think for most people that's a hard thing to accept But hear me out. I met somebody that told me they had um parkinson's Okay, and I didn't know much about parkinson's and so I once I did all the research I thought gosh, I don't want to sign up for that Yeah, so okay, so that's it was hard for you to accept that. So my point is Typically, I think people in those positions tend to find meet people who they already know they're already in their social circle and they already appreciate the person's personality They're person versus the physical aspects one of the challenges with dating today is we hyper focus on the physical And we spend very little time getting to know a person's character. And that's just the that's just a fact of life I think in these particular for his case Let's talk about him His best bet is to meet women to date women who he already has a relationship with who he's made a friendship with And ask them women those women out on well, I mean somebody that's I know someone that dated A guy that was missing a leg Yeah, but I mean he had a prosthetic leg and he didn't tell her till down the road Oh, yeah, he didn't care by the way, there was a oh my god. What was it a tv show where that happened I can't think of which one it was but uh, okay, so Well, even but didn't uh wait wait who's paul mccartney. Yeah, his wife was had a prosthetic leg So my point is though most likely my advice for the person is that you're you know It's it's rare that someone accepts that out of the chute not saying it isn't going to happen Okay, however, most likely when you connect with people, you know who know your personality have a greater chance of success in those cases That's just my perception on that That's a tough one. Yeah By the way, you have a friend who's missing missing both legs and one arm And is he in a relationship with anyone? Uh, he hasn't been in a relationship in a couple of years But he's he's got a dynamic personality and he is thankful for everything in his life He was blown up in iraq. Oh I was just thinking of who's that guy that's got that little flipper of a leg. He's missing arms missing legs And he's nick vasuci or something like that And he's married to a really attractive woman. He has kids, you know, so, you know, so everything and anything is possible All right, malony writes Do you think if i'm going to do a 12 step program it might cause me to change too much in my relationship Or like for alcohol Yeah, I mean well, I'm assuming maybe it's alcohol. Of course it's going to change your relationship because you're going to be a different person if you're clean and sober So so most okay, so here's what happens when people go through some sort of transformational change It oftentimes puts them in a position to evaluate their relationship with a new set of eyes And the other person is evaluating the relationship now With looking at you from different eyes and sometimes and this happens frequently when people go to Personal development workshops like life spring or hoffman and they come back and they say, you know what? I don't want to be in this relationship anymore. It hasn't been fulfilling. I haven't been in my power I'm going to go invest in myself for a while So can it change absolutely that is possible Or it can bring the two of you together by the way doing this work together And I believe within 12 step programs couples can be involved together. I believe I'm not sure Okay, I'm not a hundred percent sure this also happens when like when people have the dramatic weight loss And now they're different people. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, is that happening on the housewives? No, I'm just kidding No, they're all like super skinny because they're but taking some drugs. I know I'm kidding Okay. All right. So I hope that helps Uh Jane says missing an arm and leg should be okay to date, right? You have to do what's right for you It's not about me suggesting it's okay And there is no should-bees you have to do what's right for you again You could be meeting a beautiful human being or they could just be a jerk like anyone else, you know Who knows so and how do we find out we invest and we see how they invest in us? Okay All right, let's keep going. Let's see Let's see Okay, here we go You got time for a few more questions. My boyfriend says he's very good friends with his ex He says he's absolutely not interested in her anymore, but I'm afraid she still might have feelings for him thoughts Well, that's the problem with my ex husband and his wife She seems to think that I want him And I'm the one that initiated the divorce to begin with But we've you know, we've come full circle and and I love him dearly He's the father of my children, but I Okay, so you can't um, but have a rational conversation with people that have irrational thoughts and They're you can't okay. So she's the person that has the problem with the ex So this is on you iris. Yes, okay. You have to recognize that I'm afraid she still might have feelings for him. Well, that's a fear going on inside of you Do you have evidence that he has feelings for her? Okay, because here's where the mind is really can fuck with you You can create a story in your head just like your ex-husband's wife makes a story about you And then by the way, she writes scathing text messages to you Oh, I shouldn't have said that publicly, but but my point is That that's a story being made up in your head unless you have evidence or facts That story is is creating the feelings you have and those feelings most likely are creating anxiety for you So what I would do is invite you to change the narrative on the story You're telling yourself and just say, you know, I'm blessed that my ex-husband has a good relationship with his ex-wife Change that to the new story, you know Because I I'm in that position the way I've handled it is I kill her with kindness. Yeah, you know, I'm as nice as could be um Recently though, she really did cross some boundaries And I decided that I'm just not even going to listen to anything She has to say because I already tried explaining things to her and it So the point is don't become like her Be a person in your empowerment And don't allow that. No, I'm talking about the person who wrote that. Okay. She's acting like your ex's ex, you know White so don't become like her one of these people that's going to start to create drama Get a hold of your thoughts and feelings because this is all on you This has nothing to do with him if you're afraid she still might have feelings now If there's evidence then you operate from a different perspective. Okay. Okay by the way, the Jane says, oh the religious guy nick vasuchik So I didn't know how to pronounce it. I don't know about his religion. I think he's a motivational speaker all right Hey leaps is in the house. I was listening while I worked not easy But glad I did hit the like button everyone. Thank you. Marie and jonathan have a lovely evening I think we're off to go have a cocktail tonight Uh, it's happy our time. This is your best show yet. Great questions. Very thoughtful answers Thank you so much jonathan and marie. We appreciate that didi Well, I just said we're gonna go wrap up tonight and share a cocktail with one another just as a reminder Playing power games like walking away hoping someone will change might temporarily work But quite frankly, it's only temporary and even then it's a it's game playing to actually the four ways a person changes They're they're hurting enough That they have to change they see enough that they're inspired to change They learn enough that they want to change and they receive enough that they're able to change Those are four principles of making change in an individual's life And it is not incumbent upon you to change anyone It is up to them to want to shift within their life and don't use game playing never ever ever works And if it does it just temporarily works And I don't want to have you believe that a temporary experience is a good experience It's like crying wolf. Yeah crying wolf. Exactly. Yeah All right, folks, we're gonna wrap up this video as I always do I'm gonna reach you. Oh, by the way really quickly if you like this content, please hit that like button Please share this video. Please subscribe to my channel hit the notification bell in the description below Is a way to connect with me to schedule a discovery call with me to follow me on instagram Uh and all the links to get the books we recommend it tonight And I'm gonna wrap up this video as I always am giving you a picture again at joint embarrass I got one back. Of course. Thank you, sweetheart. All right, everyone. Thanks so much I want to say good night to jane and kimberley kimberley's in the house and alana and zen gal and wandon anna and jane and margaret and huna and iris and didi and leafs and margaret I said that uh everyone. Thanks so much. Have a fab evening. Bye now. Bye