 The Campaign of Gingerails presents a series of programs to advertise the new made-to-order Canada Dry, which you can now buy by the glass of drugstores and soda fountain. This series will feature George Olson and his music, Miss Ethel Chouttay, the star of many Broadway successes, and that suave comedian, dry humorist, and famous master of ceremonies, Jack Benny. Thank you, Mr. Thorgeton, that's pretty good from a man who doesn't even know me. Ladies and gentlemen, this is Jack Benny talking and making my first appearance on the air professionally. By that I mean I'm finally getting paid, which of course will be a great relief to my creditors. I really don't know why I'm here, I'm supposed to be a sort of a master of ceremonies and tell you all the things that will happen, which would happen anyway. I must introduce the different artists who could easily introduce themselves and also talk about the Canada Dry made-to-order by the glass, which is a waste of time that you know all about it. You drink it like it and don't want to hear about it, so ladies and gentlemen, a master of ceremonies is really a fellow who is unemployed and gets paid for it. I think you will like the entertainment arranged for tonight, I hope. Of course I haven't seen any of the program myself, but I've spoken to the artists individually. They seem to think it's awfully good. The first number will be a selection by George Olson and his orchestra. I think this, being our first program together, it is no more than fair that I have you meet Mr. Olson personally. He's really a very charming fellow and one of the few directors who comes to and from his work on roller skates. That's perhaps the silliest thing that I'll say all night, I think. I might add that Mr. Olson is very, very handsome. I told you George, I'd get that in there, but as long as we are both on the air of course I won't have to worry about that. Oh George, come here, I want you to say hello to the folks. Hello everybody. That was George Olson, ladies and gentlemen. He rehearsed that speech all week. You know, this is really all play with George, he doesn't have to work at all. I might say that Mr. Olson is one of the wealthiest conductors in America. You know what I mean? He owns his own car. Of course the other boys are in debt too. George, what kind of a car have you? A Saxon. A what? A Saxon. Well that was my fault for bringing it up at all. Is it a new one? Oh yes, a very late model. I see. Well you must have been in this country a long time now, haven't you George? Say by the way, Jack, what kind of a car have you? Me? I have a bicycle built for two. I mean, now you can't go back any further than that, I think. Well George, I think we ought to get started. What's the first number? I beg your pardon, Madame Moussel. It's a French number, Jack. Do you like French numbers? Do I? Mon-duck, Mon-duck. I beg your pardon, Madame Moussel. Step in the garden, Madame Moussel. I'd like to tell you, Madame Moussel. You're wonderful, you're marvelous. In other words, you're well, it's lovely weather. Madame Moussel, let's get together. Madame Moussel, you know I love you. But if you don't follow me through, I beg your pardon. Madame Moussel. George, that was swell. And I don't know, you look so important directing that orchestra, you know, with a baton in your hand. I don't know, there's something about all you fellas when you stand there waving that stick in the air. It's thrilling, you know. One thing I'd like to know, George, if the band didn't show up, what would you do with that stick? Well, I'd throw it away and do what you're doing. Always kidding you. And now, ladies and gentlemen, may I present a young lady who is a star of many New York productions, Miss Ethel Chateau. You will remember Miss Chateau best in whoopee playing opposite Eddie Cantor. Is it alright for me to mention Cantor's name here? Everybody else does. Ethel, come over and say hello. Oh, hello. Wasn't that clever? Oh, she does a lot of things like that, you'd be surprised. And Miss Chateau is going to sing for us. She has a beautiful voice too. She has a sort of a nervous soprano. You know what I mean? In fact, last week she had her nose lifted, but she could be heard in Philadelphia. And oh, by the way, here's a little news for you, might interest you. Miss Chateau is really Mrs. George Olson. Although I wouldn't go as far as to say that that's the reason she happens to be on this program. Nevertheless, she's Mrs. George Olson. Such a nice girl too, I'm surprised that she's married to Olson. And now, Miss Chateau will sing, I found a million dollar baby. I still feel a little Frenchy tonight, Ethel, so it's Mon Dux to you too. Like a popular song, any time or anywhere at all And it's going to say hello in a very unexpected way It was a lucky able shower, it was the most convenient door He found a million dollar baby in a hunger round for three or four Hung around a million dollar baby He was selling china, some winty meadows are He used to buy china until my boys got more And instantly, if you could run into a shower He'd send me a side of cottage cheese And a million dollar baby, send me five and ten And a million dollar baby, send me five and ten And a million dollar baby, send me five He was selling china, some winty meadows are He used to buy china, some winty meadows are And then the crowd got wild And instantly, if you would spend a happy hour To step aside, like a big star And meet a million dollar baby Maybe one, maybe two, maybe three Maybe four, and they're not friends, friends, friends What a charming couple And folks, I forgot to mention that Michelle Tay was assisted by Fran Fry Of course I'm lucky that I remember anything tonight But you know folks, all the time Michelle Tay was singing I kept thinking of my girl, you know, I get so sentimental I really have a girl, she lives in Newark, New Jersey You know, the girl I go with when I'm in Newark She's not what you call good looking exactly In fact, she's quite homely, but then she can't stay in the house all the time I imagine you folks have seen her pictures in different magazines You know, she poses for the beauty ads titled Before Taking And she comes from a very fine family Although her father very often partakes of the forbidden beverage It's all right for me to mention that as they have no radio In fact, her father drank everything in the United States And then went up north to drink Canada Dry Boy, I'm glad I thought of that, Joe You know, the one about Canada Dry I'm really supposed to mention it occasionally After all, I owe it to my sponsors And they might be listening in Seriously, though, do you realize, folks, that if you want a drink of Canada Dry Well, say just a glass, you don't have to buy it from the bottle You can walk into any drugstore or soda fountain That has that big sign, Canada Dry, mate order Ask for a glass and get it I know you always have it in your home and bottles But isn't it nice to know that you don't have to wait until you get home to drink it Gee, I thought I did that pretty well for a new salesman, eh? I suppose nobody will drink it now And now, folks, a very stirring number called I Love a Parade With a vote for refrain by the methods Fran Fry, Bobby Borger and Bob Wright The tapping of feet I love every beat I hear on the drums I love a parade When I am a band, I just want to stand and cheer as they come To the side of a thrill Will give me a thrill I thrill at the skill of anything military I love a parade A handful of vests, a line of cadets for any brigade I love a parade See the boys in blue until they're having bread I used to love that Navy band with Sousa at its head I love a stirring war parade, but best of all I feel The biggest thrill when college boys come marching down the field I love a parade That was I Love a Parade, ladies and gentlemen The kind of a number that grips and thrills you Gives you that great feeling of patriotism And makes you glad that you're an American Personally, it didn't bother me very much Because I took a nap while the boys were playing at them And now, folks, in case you've forgotten This is Jack Benny again You know, the candidate's dry humorous I thought that was good The candidate's dry humorous I made that up myself It sounds like it That witty retort was by George Olson, ladies and gentlemen Proving again that he is still an orchestra leader At that, George has a great sense of humor Say, he told me a story the other day Do you mind if I tell it, George? I'll give you credit for it, you know what? It's really supposed to be true To us about George's uncle Who had been ill for a long time He had what you call labor poisoning You know what I mean? He just couldn't stand working So his doctor finally told him That he would have to get a lot of fresh air Do outside work, but not lift anything heavy He told him that at no time Was he to lift anything heavy So his uncle got a job as a garbage man In Scotland Money, I... Well, you know, I never heard that one before But the thing that kills me Is Olson telling a Scott story I mean, because George, you know Has no sense of this himself In fact, he invited me to dinner the other night Much to his own surprise And he paid the check with a five-dollar bill That was in his pocket so long That Lincoln's eyes were bloodshot That's a fact However, he will now favor us With that very popular song hit called Karadise After all, why should his orchestra Be an exception? This is George Olson speaking By this time, I know you're a thoroughly Board-listing to Ben Burst, Brutler Well, our master's ceremony is in the ledge Canada Dry Humor And telling you all about major order Canada Dry We also have a product to sell It's music, and may we show you now Just how we make music Listen, everyone, we're going to show you How we all make music Now, first there's Walling Overplay some with two little 16-feet on his drum And that's how we make music Now we have the boys with their violins Their bows go back and forth when they hit the end And the drums Now the trumpet play loud and shrill But when they get going, they'll give you a thrill And the violins and the drums The old trombone flies up and down When he gets hot, he goes to town And the trumpet and the violin and the drum When you want to shiver a quiver or a groan We call upon the boys with a saxophone And the trombone and the trumpet And the violin and the drum Please, please, now When you want some rhythm, where do we go To the white, old Bob Rice and his old banjo And the saxophone and the trombone The trumpet, the violin and the drum Oh, the cow is now a little birdie All right, girl Now the next old fella can't be beat You know him well, it's tick-a-lo-feet And the banjo and the saxophone The trombone, the trumpet The violin and the drum Okay, Ben Burney, if you like it That's it Now we have the piano for cadences and such All he needs is a very light touch And the pick-a-lone and the banjo And the saxophone and the trombone And the trumpet and the violin And the drum So are you, so are you Now the old bass fiddle plays way down low He has to get a Derek to move his bow And the piano and the pick-a-lone And the banjo and the saxophone And the trombone, the trumpet The violin and the drum Hey, please Bass, piano, pick-a-lone, banjo, saxophone Trombone, trumpet, violin Now that's how we make music That was cute, George I mean, babies will like it anyway And that, ladies and gentlemen Is the way these boys make music Now, if they could only play it Mr. Olsen will now play Come West, Little Girl, Come West And I'm supposed to sing a chorus of this number And you know, folks, that six months ago I couldn't sing a note Really, I could not sing a note But after taking three glasses Every day of Canada's dry mate to order ginger ale I still am unable to sing And can't even sign a note So the moral of this is Drink that champagne of ginger ale Canada's dry And don't worry about signing notes So for one of a better soloist Mr. Tay will sing Come West, Little Girl, Come West I'm going to eat There's a certain love song What memories it would bring I can't forget that love song That's how boys used to sing The sun will set The moon will rise But I want to look in My baby's eyes Come West, Little Girl, Come West The breeze will blow The stars will keep And I'm too lonesome To go to sleep Come West, Little Girl, Come West You know I love I love the west It's full of times But I rest in my baby's arms Come West, Little Girl, Come West The sun will set The moon will rise But I want to look in My baby's eyes Come West, Little Girl, Come West The wind will blow The stars will keep And I'm too lonesome To go to sleep Come West, Little Girl, Come West The breeze will blow The stars will keep And I'm too lonesome To go to sleep I think all my relatives are listening in And I don't want them to know that I'm working Although I have an older brother That I'm quite fond of I mean we get along great We sort of share everything together I mean what mine is his And what his is his Although I just have absolutely nothing to do With Canada Dry Mate Order I keep getting entirely off the subject But don't forget folks That you can walk into your neighborhood drugstore Or any drugstore I mean after all I don't care what drugstore you walk into I'm just a master of ceremonies here That's all I mean if I'm going to have to worry About things like that You know I'll have my hands full But go into any drugstore And order a glass mind you Not a bottle But a glass of Mate Order Canada Dry Ginger Ale And stagger out Isn't it funny There's things you can buy today In a drugstore I went in for an after And the other day Came out with a new hat I imagine the next number Will be by George Olson He's about to make his first appearance On this program In fact I'm lucky That's all This is called drums in my heart And boys Try and finish this All together if you can Please That ladies and gentlemen Was the last number On our first program On the second of May Are you sleeping I hope you'll be with us again Wednesday In fact I hope I'll be here Wednesday George, we all hope That you'll be here Wednesday Well good night then All aboard The way we go Get back to the lady on the train Boys All aboard Ladies and gentlemen We are concluding the first program In a new series Sponsored by Canada Dry The ginger ale Now available Made in water And drug stores And soda fountains As well as in bottles Canada Dry Has presented Jack Benny Esso Chupé And George Olson And his music The same group of artists Will be with you at this time Wednesday evening Drums in my heart From through the years Will play tonight With a special permission Of a copy right over This is the national Broadcasting Company WJZ New York