 Hey guys, it's David here again and The end of this video. I'm going to give you five little take away tips pieces of advice for going after your goals and Another way of putting that is avoiding the blocks to your goals Which you know as you know if you've seen any of my other videos a big one is procrastination It's just that inner conflict the one the voice that wants to keep us safe and avoid change And it tells us to not do anything and the other voice of course, which is More about what we want what we really want, which is to take on challenges now I'm going to give five little tips and I'm going to read a little question here I got from somebody because it's pretty indicative of The mindset that is kind of leading to the issue itself a lot of self-talk here. We could look at So this question it starts off as is I'm totally screwed in the project. I'm working on or should I say supposed to be working on at this stage It feels hopeless and just too big to even start Is there anything I can do when I feel this hopeless? I feel deeply ashamed of myself for letting things get to this stage especially for something so important in my life So There's this thing about it's hard. It's hard. It's hard doing the work is hard putting in the effort is hard I'm not really in this video. I'm going to try and deny that necessarily but To maybe get us thinking a bit differently about this I'm going to start off. I'm going to give you a quote here from new theory He's one of the psychologists who's worked out a really respect on procrastination New fewer says the choice is not working or not working In other words, those are not really our two options, although it seems like that at times So the choice is not working or not working, but which type of work Even feeling guilty because of procrastinating takes some work So when you commit to a goal, you're committing to a form of work that brings ongoing rewards when you procrastinate You're choosing a self-punishing form of work And this is one of the big ways we can move past procrastination and feeling stuck is to really do an audit or an assessment of Okay, I'm procrastinating. I'm not doing the work. Now. The nervous system is trying to deal with your underlying anxiety by using procrastination procrastination is really a coping strategy We all know to dysfunctional coping strategy, but it comes up and the mind rationalizes and We choose to use that coping mechanism, right? but what we need to start to do is to really do an audit and an assessment of how enjoyable is this procrastination, right? Because when you look at all the free time, you know, we're not engaged with the work and it seems well At least I'm not working, but how fun is this not working, right? So we look at this in terms of on an emotional level What's the emotional reality and look at this person here in this question talked about there was a lot of Feeling hopeless a lot of guilt a lot of shame Right. This is as kind of Neil Fiori was pointing to this is hard work Okay, this is probably harder work than actually just doing the project So that's an emotional level on a behavioral level. We see all sorts of indecision and there's an inner dialogue going on on the psychological level and that's basically draining a massive massive drain on our Psychological or psychic psychic energy. Okay, it's a huge huge drain on that indecision So we really a part of the solution to this It's really to just do an audit and really see okay, it's not about working or not working I'm going to be working no matter what happens here either. I'm going to do productive helpful work or I'm going to be working As a procrastinator, I'm doing the work of a procrastinator, which is emotionally draining psychologically draining and Behaviorally draining. Okay, the question is which type of work will I be doing is what Neil Fiori said So to address this question a little bit more straight on here's five little tips that I would give For anyone who's in this kind of situation feeling hopeless on on a project. They're working on So the first thing is you'll notice there's a lot of guilt and shame around this now What I would say is you need to and there's been much written about this actually in the literature on procrastination is To forgive yourself for procrastinating now when I say forgive yourself people usually say well, how do I do that? What does that mean to forgive yourself for procrastinating is to really fully Understand why it happens. Okay, because if you look at the guilt Okay, the guilt story the guilt explanation for well, I'm procrastinating because Turn to guilt. What will guilt say? Well, you're a bad person. It's not good enough now the problem with that explanation is Not that it's good or bad or necessarily right or wrong It's silly It's shallow. It's not very subtle explanation. It just sticks a label on it But the truth and this is how you forgive yourself for procrastinating is To really try and explain it in a much more nuanced way, right? So why do I procrastinate? Well, it probably it's just my nervous system feeling overwhelmed and this is a strategy It's used. Okay, but I can do something about that Doesn't make me a bad person because that's just that's very silly That's almost a medieval explanation for why a person will procrastinate at this point. I think So we want to really understand it right as soon as you understand why it happens and obviously, you know We all take it so personally when we procrastinate So many people are procrastinating so clearly if if I'm a bad person how many bad people are out there procrastinating? So number one is to forgive yourself and work on that Understanding deeply why it happens because it'll debunk the guilt narrative. Okay more understanding of it The second thing I would say here is to realize that guilt is It's not really a byproduct of procrastination. It's not that I procrastinate and oh, yeah, it happens to be this guilt there Really what you'll understand is guilt is the purpose of procrastination It's a tool, you know our fault self or officer or low self-esteem self. You could say uses to perpetuate itself Okay, we use it to kind of punish ourselves This is a big realization for me. I was very skeptical of that for a long time until I realized what was the payoff I was getting every time I procrastinated Pair all back ultimately at the bottom of it all Was an emotional payoff of guilt and shame. So what part of me wanted to feel like that? Well, it was Parted felt ashamed and not very worthy It can only but it has to create Evidence to sustain itself and procrastination is one of the ways in which it does that. So if you realize that it's like, okay Well Actually, what if I were to stop this procrastination? What would happen to myself steam? And the answer to that question is it skyrockets it goes through the roof So you change your with this realization about how important guilt is and all this You really change your motive for why you're doing the work. It's not to be productive or to achieve your goal Although there's nothing wrong with any of those things. It's because Actually, my self-esteem is on the line and if I can get a handle on this My self-esteem is going to go up and who doesn't want higher self-esteem. You know, we all kind of want that It's the holy grail. So Keep that in mind. Guilt is not a byproduct of procrastination. It is the purpose of procrastination So number three is kind of I've kind of talked about this already here, but it says evaluate how much actual fun You've had with procrastinating and then guilt or a reclaim guilt-free Fun for yourself. So just do an analysis of am I enjoying this procrastination and emotional level psychological behavior level And what you will find if you're if you really go through it with an honest examination is you'll find it's actually the furthest thing From enjoyable, even if you're playing video games watching TV doing all sorts of things You know, the best you'll find that they're they're briefly Enjoyable you're able to distract yourself away from the indecision and the guilt for a while But then it comes back with a vengeance. So it's not really enjoyable overall So it's almost like well, there's not really many alternatives left There must be maybe the only alternative will be to do the work But in a much more compassionate and understanding way without all the judgment So that's number three Another thing to notice here is we're not looking for perfection. This is number four, okay? And while I'm really talking about here is finishing your project We all have this kind of fiction that we tell ourselves which is soon as I'm finished this project Oh God, it's gonna feel so amazing and I'm gonna feel really great. The truth is Finishing the project actually won't really make you feel that much different But here's the group to good news You don't even have to finish it to feel good as soon as you with goal attainment and motivation and goal attainment The beautiful thing about it is and you'll know this from more than likely from past experience as soon as you move towards the goal In any little way, you'll feel better Okay, sure you'll get it and it'll feel good for a while But the main thing is the entire journey can be good at any point in this journey of goal attainment is as soon as you Finders are moving in that right direction. You're almost instantaneously start to relax and feel better So finishing does not bring happiness, but small progress does even small even small progress and the last tip here guys is Don't see the work as important. The word for that is identification. I'm identifying myself with the work. I'm producing It's not your work I know that's a strange concept, but you don't want to see the things you're producing as my work taking direct ownership of them Just why would I say that just on a purely psychological level? It doesn't have your motivation to do it. Of course in the legal sense or something if you're creating artwork or Intellectual work. Okay, maybe you can take ownership of it But from a psychological emotional level you want to be Disidentifying from the finished product almost as if there's this thing It just got created, you know, it's not about me. I'm not tying up my sense of identity with this thing that I'm putting out there Okay, so don't see it as important. Don't identify yourself with it Almost see it as somebody else's work. They feel like okay But the more we are identified with it now there's a huge degree at stake with every project I take on Oh my god, this is about me Okay Now nobody wants the stakes to be that high and when the stakes are that high Again, your nervous system is going to react and keep you away from it Right because it's going to try to protect you from judgment from an external source So those guys are five little tips there on this now and the main point from today's video is It's not a matter of working or not working. You're going to be working It's just a matter of which work feels more enjoyable Is it actually have the productive work towards your goal or is it the hard slog of being a procrastinator? Okay with this indigestion and psychological sort of torture that we do to ourselves when we're in this All of that, of course is under my is underlined by what I've always said in my videos Which is the main thing is to just set boundaries with your work and to really prioritize take care of yourself Being compassionate and encouraging towards yourself and giving yourself bundles of free time the more you've had problems with procrastination Probably means you need to be having a lot more fun as a starting point in your recovery from it And that's probably the most counterintuitive thing you'd expect me to say But it's the truth So because I'll leave it there for today I hope you enjoy checking in with me with these videos and I hope you're finding them interesting and Helpful most of all because you know, I want your your weeks and your days and your wants to be You know you Moving towards whatever it is you want in life without that conflict without that big, you know Inner struggle all the time because that's the thing that's really draining most people And if we can get rid of that and resolve that then we're really really You know, we're on the right track at that point So thanks so much for joining me guys and See you soon in the next video. Bye for now