 CHAPTER XII The load was tied on, Ivan jumped down and took the quiet sleek horse by the bridle. The young wife flung the rake up on the load, and with a bold step, swinging her arms, she went to join the women, who were forming a ring for the haymaker's dance. Ivan drove off to the road and fell into line with the other loaded carts. The peasant women, with their rakes on their shoulders, gay with bright flowers and chattering with ringing, merry-tones, walked behind the hay cart. One wild untrained female voice broke into a song, and sang it alone through a verse, and then the same verse was taken up and repeated by half a hundred strong, healthy voices, of all sorts, coarse and fine, singing in unison. The women all singing began to come close to live in, and he felt as though a storm was swooping down upon him with the thunder of merriment. The storm swooped down, enveloped him, and the hay-cock on which he was lying, and the other hay-cock, and the wagon-loads, and the whole meadow and distant fields, all seemed to be shaking and singing to the measures of this wild merry song, with its shouts and whistles and clapping. Levine felt envious of this health and mirthfulness. He longed to take part in the expression of this joy of life, but he could do nothing and had to lie and look on and listen. When the peasants were there singing and vanished out of sight and hearing, a weary feeling of despondency at his own isolation, his physical inactivity, his alienation from this world came over Levine. Some of the very peasants who had been most active in wrangling with him over the hay, some whom he had treated with contumely, and who had tried to cheat him. Those very peasants had greeted him good-humidly, and evidently had not, were incapable of having any feeling of rancour against him, any regret, any recollection even of having tried to deceive him. All that was drowned in a sea of merry common labour. God gave the day, God gave the strength, and the day and the strength were consecrated to labour, and that labour was its own reward. For whom the labour? What would be its fruits? These were idle considerations, beside the point. Often Levine had admired this life. Often he had a sense of envy of the man who led this life. But today, for the first time, especially under the influence of what he had seen in the attitude of Ivan Parmenov to his young wife, the eyes dear presented itself definitely to his mind, that within his power to exchange the really artificial, idle, individualistic life he was leading, for this laborious, pure, and socially delightful life. The old man who had been sitting beside him had long ago gone home, the people had all separated. Those who lived near had gone home, while those who came from far were gathered into a group for supper, and to spend the night in the meadow. Levine, unobserved by the peasants, lay still on the hay-cock, and still looked on and listened and mused. The peasants who remained for the night in the meadow scarcely slept all the short summer night. At first there was the sound of merry talk and laughing altogether over the supper, then singing again and laughed at him. All the long day of toil had left no trace in them but gliteness of heart. Before the early dawn all was hushed. Nothing was to be heard but the night sounds of the frogs that never ceased in the marsh, and the horses snorting in the mist that rose over the meadow before the morning. Rousing himself, Levine got up from the hay-cock, and looking at the stars he saw that the night was over. Well, what am I going to do? How am I to set about it, he said to himself, trying to express to himself all the thoughts and feelings he had passed through in that brief night. All the thoughts and feelings he had passed through fell into three separate trains of thought. One was the renunciation of his old life, of his utterly useless education. This renunciation gave him satisfaction and was easy and simple. Another series of thoughts and mental images related to the life he longed to live now. The simplicity, the purity, the sanity of this life he felt clearly, and he was convinced that he would find in it the content, the peace and the dignity, of the lack of which he was so miserably conscious. But a third series of ideas turned upon the question, how to effect this transition from the old life to the new, and there nothing took clear shape for him. Have a wife, have work and the necessity of work. Leave Porcrovsko by land, become a member of a peasant community, marry a peasant girl. How am I to set about it, he asked himself again, and could not find an answer. I haven't slept all night though, and I can't think it out clearly, he said to himself. I'll work it out later. One thing's certain, this night has decided my fate. All my old dreams of home life were absurd, not the real thing he told himself. It's all ever so much simpler and better. How beautiful he thought, looking at the strange as it were, mother of pearl shell of white fleecy cloudlets resting right over his head in the middle of the sky. How exquisite it all is in this exquisite night! And when was there time for that cloud shell to form? Just now I looked at the sky and there was nothing in it, only two white streaks. Yes, and so imperceptibly too, my views of life change. He went out to the meadow and walked along the high road towards the village. A slight wind arose and the sky looked gray and sullen. The gloomy movement had come that usually precedes the dawn, the full triumph of light over darkness. Shrinking from the cold, Levin walked rapidly, looking at the ground. What's that someone coming, he thought, catching the tinkle of bells and lifting his head? Forty paces from him, a carriage with four horses harnessed abreast, was driving towards him along the grassy road on which he was walking. The shaft horses were tilted against the shafts by the ruts, but the dexterous driver sitting on the box held the shaft over the ruts, so that the wheels ran on the smooth part of the road. This was all Levin noticed, and without wondering who it could be, he gazed absently at the coach. In the coach was an old lady dozing in one corner, and at the window, evidently only just awake, sat a young girl holding in both hands the ribbons of a white cap, with a face full of light and thought full of a subtle complex inner life that was remote from Levin. She was gazing beyond him at the glow of the sunrise. At the very instant when this apparition was vanishing, the truthful eyes glanced at him. She recognized him, and her face lighted up with wondering delight. He could not be mistaken. There were no other eyes like those in the world. There was only one creature in the world that could concentrate for him all the brightness and meaning of life. It was she. It was Kitty. He understood that she was driving to her gush over, from the railway station, and everything that had been stirring Levin during that sleepless night, all the resolutions he had made all vanished at once. He recalled with horror his dreams of marrying a present girl, there only, in the carriage that had crossed over to the other side of the road, and was rapidly disappearing, there only could he find the solution of the riddle of his life, which had weighed so agonizingly upon him, of late. She did not look out again. The sound of the carriage springs was no longer audible. The bells could scarcely be heard. The barking of dogs showed the carriage had reached the village, and all that was left was the empty fields all round, the village in front, and he himself isolated apart from it all, wandering lonely along the deserted high road. He glanced at the sky, expecting to find there the cloud-shell he had been admiring, and taking as the symbol of the ideas and feeling of that night. There was nothing in the sky in the least like a shell. There, in the remote heights above, a mysterious change had been accomplished. There was no trace of shell, and they were stretched over fully half the sky, an even cover of tiny and ever-tiny a cloudlets. The sky had grown blue and bright, and with the same softness, but with the same remoteness, it met his questioning gaze. No, he said to himself, however good that life of simplicity and toil may be, I cannot go back to it. I love her. End of Chapter 12, read by David Cole, Medway, Massachusetts. Chapter 13 None but those who were most intimate with Alexei Alexandrovich knew that while on the surface the coldest and most reasonable of men, he had one weakness quite opposed to the general trend of his character. Say Alexei Alexandrovich could not hear or see a child or woman crying without being moved. The sight of tears threw him into a state of nervous agitation, and he utterly lost all power of reflection. The chief secretary of his department, and his private secretary, were aware of this, and used to warn women who came with petitions, on no account to give way to tears, if they did not want to ruin their chances. He would get angry, and will not listen to you, they used to say. And as a fact, in such cases, the emotional disturbance set up in Alexei Alexandrovich by the sight of tears found expression in hasty anger. I can do nothing, kindly leave the room, he would commonly cry, in such cases. When returning from the races, Anna had informed him of her relations with Vronsky, and immediately afterwards had burst into tears, hiding her face in her hands. Alexei Alexandrovich, for all the fury aroused in him against her, was aware at the same time of a rush of that emotional disturbance always produced in him by tears. Conscious of it, and conscious that any expression of his feelings at that minute would be out of keeping with the position, he tried to suppress every manifestation of life in himself, and so neither stirred nor looked at her. This was what had caused the strange expression of deathlike rigidity in his face which had so impressed Anna. When they reached the house he helped her to get out of the carriage, and making effort to master himself took leave of her with his usual urbanity, and uttered that phrase that bound him to nothing. He said that tomorrow he would let her know his decision. His wife's words, confirming his worst suspicions, had sent a cruel pang to the heart of Alexei Alexandrovich. That pang was intensified by the strange feeling of physical pity for her set up by her tears. But when he was all alone in the carriage, Alexei Alexandrovich, to his surprise and delight, felt complete relief both from this pity, and from the doubts and agonies of jealousy. He experienced the sensations of a man who has had a tooth out after suffering long from toothache. After a fearful agony, and a sense of something huge, bigger than the head itself being torn out of his jaw, the sufferer, hardly able to believe in his own good luck, feels all at once that what has so long poisoned his existence, and enchained his attention, exists no longer, and that he can live and think again, and take interest in other things besides his tooth. This feeling Alexei Alexandrovich was experiencing. The agony had been strange and terrible, but now it was over. He felt that he could live again, and think of something other than his wife. No honor, no heart, no religion, a corrupt woman. I always knew it and always saw it, though I tried to deceive myself to spare her, he said to himself, and it actually seemed to him that he always had seen it. He recalled incidents of their past life in which he had never seen anything wrong before. Now these incidents proved clearly that she had always been a corrupt woman. I made a mistake in linking my life to hers, but there was nothing wrong in my mistake, and so I cannot be unhappy. It's not I that I'm to blame, he told himself, but she. But I have nothing to do with her, she does not exist for me. Everything relating to her and her son, towards whom his sentiments were as much changed as towards her, ceased to interest him. The only thing that interested him now was the question of in what way he could best, with most propriety and comfort for himself, and thus with most justice, extricate himself from the mud with which she had spattered him in her fall, and then proceed along his path of active, honorable, and useful existence. I cannot be made unhappy by the fact that a contemptible woman has committed a crime. I have only to find the best way out of the difficult position in which she has placed me, and I shall find it, he said to himself, frowning more and more. I'm not the first nor the last, and to say nothing of historical instances dating from the fair Helen of Menelaus, recently revived in the memory of all, a whole list of contemporary examples of husbands with unfaithful wives in the highest society rose before Alexei Alexandrovich's imagination. Daria Love, Poltavsky, Prince Karabanov, Count Pashkudin, Dram, yes, even Dram, such an honest, capable fellow. Semyonov, Chagin, Sigonin, Alexei Alexandrovich remembered, admitting that a certain quite irrational ridicule falls to the lot of these men, yet I never saw anything but a misfortune in it, and always felt sympathy for it. Alexei Alexandrovich said to himself, though indeed this was not the fact, and he had never felt sympathy for misfortunes of that kind, but the more frequently he had heard of instances of unfaithful wives betraying their husbands, the more highly he had thought of himself. It is a misfortune which may befall anyone, and this misfortune has befallen me. The only thing to be done is to make the best of the position. And he began passing in review the methods of proceeding of men who had been in the same position that he was in. Daria Love fought a duel. The duel had particularly fascinated the thoughts of Alexei Alexandrovich in his youth, just because he was physically a coward, and was himself well aware of the fact. Alexei Alexandrovich could not without horror contemplate the idea of a pistol aimed at himself, and had never made use of any weapon in his life. This horror had in his youth set him pondering on dueling, and picturing himself in a position in which he would have to expose his life to danger. Having attained success and an established position in the world, he had long ago forgotten this feeling, but the habitual bent of feeling reasserted itself, and dread of his own cowardice proved even now so strong that Alexei Alexandrovich spent a long while thinking over the question of dueling in all its aspects, and hugging the idea of a duel, though he was fully aware beforehand that he would never, under any circumstances, fight one. There's no doubt our society is still so barbarous, it's not the same in England, that very many, and among these were those whose opinion Alexei Alexandrovich particularly valued, look favourably on the duel, but what result is attained by it? Suppose I call him out, Alexei Alexandrovich went on to himself, and vividly picturing the night he would spend after the challenge, and the pistol aimed at him, he shuddered, and knew that he never would do it. Suppose I call him out, suppose I am taught, he went on musing, to shoot, I press the trigger, he said to himself, closing his eyes, and it turns out I have killed him, Alexei Alexandrovich said to himself, and he shook his head as though to dispel such silly ideas. What sense is there in murdering the man, in order to define one's relation to a guilty wife and son? I should still just as much have to decide what I ought to do with her, but what is more probable, and what would doubtless occur, I should be killed or wounded, I the innocent person should be the victim, killed or wounded, it's even more senseless. But apart from that, a challenge to fight would be an act hardly honest on my side. Don't I know perfectly well that my friends would never allow me to fight a Jewel, would never allow the life of a statesman needed by Russian to be exposed to danger? Knowing perfectly well beforehand that the matter would never come to real danger, it would amount to my simply trying to gain a certain sham reputation by such a challenge. That would be dishonest, that would be false, that would be deceiving myself and others. A Jewel is quite irrational, and no one expects it of me. My aim is simply to safeguard my reputation, which is essential for the uninterrupted pursuit of my public duties. Official duties, which had always been of great consequence in Alexei Alexandrovich's eyes, seemed of special importance to his mind at this moment. Considering and rejecting the Jewel, Alexei Alexandrovich turned to divorce, another solution selected by several of the husbands he remembered. Passing in mental review all the instances he knew of divorces, there were plenty of them in the very highest society with which he was very familiar, Alexei Alexandrovich could not find a single example in which the object of divorce was that which he had in view. In all these instances the husband had practically ceded or sold his unfaithful wife, and the very party which, being in fault, had not the right to contract a fresh marriage, had formed a counterfeit, pseudo-matrimonial ties with a self-styled husband. In his own case Alexei Alexandrovich saw that a legal divorce, that is to say, one in which only the guilty wife would be repudiated, was impossible of attainment. He saw that the complex conditions of the life they led made the coarse proofs of his wife's guilt, required by the law, out of the question. He saw that a certain refinement in that life would not admit of such proofs being brought forward even if he had them, and that to bring forward such proofs would damage him in the public estimation more than it would her. An attempt at divorce could lead to nothing but a public scandal which would be a perfect godsend to his enemies for calamity and attacks on his high position in society. His chief object, to define the position with the least amount of disturbance possible, could not be attained by divorce either. Moreover, in the event of divorce, or even of an attempt to obtain a divorce, it was obvious that the wife broke off all relations with the husband and threw in her lot with the lover. And in spite of the complete, as he supposed, contempt and indifference he now felt for his wife, at the bottom of his heart Alexei Alexandrovich still had one feeling left in regard to her, a disinclination to see her free to throw in her lot with Vronsky, so that her crime would be to her advantage. The mere notion of this so exasperated Alexei Alexandrovich, that directly it rose to his mind he groaned with inward agony, and got up and changed his place in the carriage, and for a long while after he sat with scowling brows, wrapping his numbed and bony legs in the fleecy rug. Apart from four more divorce, one might still do like Karabanov, Puskadin, and that good fellow Dram, that is, separate from one's wife, he went on thinking, when he had regained his composure. But this step too presented the same drawback of public scandal as a divorce, and what was more, a separation, quite as much as a regular divorce, flung his wife into the arms of Vronsky. No, it's out of the question. Out of the question, he said again, twisting his rug about him, I cannot be unhappy, but neither she nor he ought to be happy. The feeling of jealousy, which had tortured him during the period of uncertainty, had passed away at the instant when the tooth had been, with agony, extracted by his wife's words. But that feeling had been replaced by another, the desire not merely that she should not be triumphant, but that she should get due punishment for her crime. He did not acknowledge this feeling, but at the bottom of his heart he longed for her to suffer, for having destroyed his peace of mind, his honour. And going once again over the conditions inseparable from a duel, a divorce, a separation, and once again rejecting them, Alexei Alexandrovich felt convinced that there was only one solution, to keep her with him, concealing what had happened from the world, and using every measure in his power to break off the intrigue, and still more, though this he did not admit to himself, to punish her. I must inform her of my conclusion, that thinking over the terrible position in which she has placed her family, all other solutions will be worse for both sides than an external status quo, and that such I agree to retain, from the strict condition of obedience on her part to my wishes, that is to say, cessation of all intercourse with her lover, when this decision had been finally adopted, another weighty consideration occurred to Alexei Alexandrovich in support of it. By such a course only shall I be acting in accordance with the dictates of religion, he told himself. In adopting this course, I am not casting off a guilty wife, but giving her a chance of amendment, and indeed difficult as the task will be to me, I shall devote part of my energies to her reformation and salvation. Though Alexei Alexandrovich was perfectly aware that he could not exert any moral influence over his wife, that such an attempt at reformation could lead to nothing but falsity, though in passing through these difficult moments he had not once thought of seeking guidance in religion, yet now when his conclusion corresponded, as it seemed to him, with the requirements of religion, this religious sanction to his decision gave him complete satisfaction, and to some extent restored his peace of mind. He was pleased to think that, even in such an important crisis in life, no one would be able to say that he had not acted in accordance with the principles of that religion whose banner he had always held aloft amid the general coolness and indifference. As he pondered over subsequent developments, Alexei Alexandrovich did not see, indeed, why his relations with his wife should not remain practically the same as before. No doubt she could never again regain his esteem, but there was not and there could not be any sort of reason that his existence should be troubled, and that he should suffer because she was a bad and faithless wife. Yes, time will pass, time which arranges all things, and the old relations will be re-established, Alexei Alexandrovich told himself. So far re-established, that is, that I shall not be sensible of a break in the continuity of my life. She is bound to be unhappy, but I am not to blame, and so I cannot be unhappy. CHAPTER XIV As he neared Petersburg, Alexei Alexandrovich not only adhered entirely to his decision, but was even composing in his head the letter he would write to his wife. Going into the porter's room, Alexei Alexandrovich glanced at the letters and papers bought from his office, and directed that they should be bought to him in his study. The horses can be taken out, and I will see no one, he said, in answer to the porter, with a certain pleasure, indicative of his agreeable frame of mind, emphasizing the words, see no one. In his study, Alexei Alexandrovich walked up and down twice, and stopped at an immense writing-table, on which six candles had already been lighted by the valet who had preceded him. He cracked his knuckles and sat down, sorting out his writing-up attuniences. Putting his elbows on the table, he bent his head on one side, thought a minute, and began to write, without pausing for a second. He wrote without using any form of address to her, and wrote in French, making use of the plural V, which has not the same note of coldness as the corresponding Russian form. At our last conversation, I notified you of my intention to communicate to you my decision in regard to the subject of that conversation. Having carefully considered everything, I am writing now with the object of fulfilling that promise. My decision is as follows. Whatever your conduct may have been, I do not consider myself justified in breaking the ties in which we are bound by a higher power. The family cannot be broken up by a whim, a caprice, or even by the sin of one of the partners in the marriage, and our life must go on as it has done in the past. This is essential for me, for you and for our son. I am fully persuaded that you have repented and do repent of what is called forth the present letter, and that you will co-operate with me in eradicating the cause of our estrangement and forgetting the past. In the contrary event, you can conjecture what awaits you and your son. All this I hope to discuss more in detail in a personal interview. As the season is drawing to a close, I would beg you to return to Petersburg as quickly as possible, not later than Tuesday. All necessary preparations shall be made for your arrival here. I beg you to note the diatache particular significance to compliance with this request. A. Karenin. P.S. I enclose the money which may be needed for your expenses. He read the letter through and felt pleased with it, and especially that he had remembered to enclose money. There was not a harsh word, not a reproach in it, nor was there undue indulgence. Most of all it was a golden bridge for return. Folding the letter and smoothing it with a massive ivory knife, and putting it in an envelope with the money, he rang the bell with the gratification it always afforded him to use the well-arranged requirements of his writing-table. Give this to the courier to be delivered to Anna Arkadyevna tomorrow at the summer villa," he said, getting up. Certainly your excellency. Tea to be served in the study? Alexei Alexandrovich ordered tea to be bought to the study, and played with the massive paper-knife. He moved to his easy-chair, near which there had been placed ready for him a lamp and the French work on Egyptian hieroglyphics that he had begun. Over the easy-chair there hung, in a gold frame, an oval portrait of Anna, a fine painting by a celebrated artist. Alexei Alexandrovich glanced at it. The unfathomable eyes gazed ironically and insolently at him. Insufferably insolent and challenging was the effect in Alexei Alexandrovich's eyes of the black lace about the head admirably touched in by the painter, the black hair and handsome white hand with one finger lifted covered with rings. After looking at the portrait for a minute, Alexei Alexandrovich shuddered so that his lips quivered and he uttered the sound brrr and turned away. He made haste to sit down in his easy-chair and opened the book. He tried to read, but he could not revive the very vivid interest he had felt before in Egyptian hieroglyphics. He looked at the book and thought of something else. He thought not of his wife, but of a complication that had arisen in his official life, which at the time constituted the chief interest of it. He felt that he had penetrated more deeply than ever before into this intricate affair and that he had originated a leading idea. He could say it without self-flattery, calculated to clear up the whole business to strengthen him in his official career, to discomfort his enemies, and thereby to be of the greatest benefit to the government. Directly the servant had set the tea and left the room. Alexei Alexandrovich got up and went to the writing-table. Moving into the middle of the table a portfolio of papers with a scarcely perceptible smile of self-satisfaction. He took a pencil from a rack and plunged into the perusal of a complex report relating to the complication. The complication was of this nature. Alexei Alexandrovich's characteristic quality as a politician, that special individual qualification that every rising functionary possesses. The qualification that with his unflagging ambition, his reserve, his honesty, and with his self-confidence had made his career, was his contempt for red tape, his cutting down of correspondence, his direct contact wherever possible with the living fact, and his economy. It happened that the famous commission of the 2nd of June had set on foot an inquiry into the irrigation of lands in the Zorasky province, which fell under Alexei Alexandrovich's department, and was a glaring example of fruitless expenditure and paper reforms. Alexei Alexandrovich was aware of the truth of this. The irrigation of these lands in the Zorasky province had been initiated by the predecessor of Alexei Alexandrovich's predecessor. And vast sums of money had actually been spent, and were still being spent on this business, and utterly unproductively, and the whole business could obviously lead to nothing whatever. Alexei Alexandrovich had perceived this at once on entering office, and would have liked to lay hands on the board of irrigation. But at first, when he did not secure in his position, he knew it would affect too many interests, and would be injudicious. Later on he had been engrossed in other questions, and had simply forgotten the board of irrigation. It went of itself, like all such boards, by the mere force of inertia. Many people gained their livelihood by the board of irrigation, especially one highly conscientious and musical family. All the daughters played on stringed instruments, and Alexei Alexandrovich knew the family, and had stood Godfather to one of the elder daughters. The raising of this question by a hostile department was, in Alexei Alexandrovich's opinion, a dishonourable proceeding, seeing that in every department there were things similar and worse which no one inquired into, for well-known reasons of official etiquette. However, now that the glove had been thrown down to him, he had picked it up, and demanded the appointment of a special commission to investigate and verify the working of the board of irrigation of the lands in the Zorasky province. But in compensation he gave no quarter to the enemy either. He demanded the appointment of another special commission to inquire into the question of the Native Tribes Organization Committee. The question of the Native Tribes had been brought up incidentally by the end of June, and had been pressed forward actively by Alexei Alexandrovich, as one admitted of no delay on account of the deplorable condition of the Native Tribes. In the commission this question had been a ground of contention between several departments. The department hostile to Alexei Alexandrovich proved that the condition of the Native Tribes was exceedingly flourishing, that the proposed reconstruction of their prosperity, and that if they were anything wrong, it arose mainly from the failure on the part of Alexei Alexandrovich's department to carry out the measures prescribed by law. Now, Alexei Alexandrovich intended to demand, first that a new commission should be formed which should be empowered to investigate the condition of the Native Tribes on the spot. Secondly, if it should appear that the condition of the Native Tribes such as it appear to be from the official documents in the hands of the committee, that another new scientific commission should be appointed to investigate the deplorable condition of the Native Tribes from the one political, two administrative, three economical, four ethnographical, five material, and six religious points of view. Thirdly, that evidence should be required from the rival department of the measures that had been taken during the last ten years by that department for averting the disastrous conditions in which the Native Tribes were now placed. And fourthly, and finally, that that department explain why it had, as appeared from the evidence before the committee from number 17.015 and 18.038 from December 5th, 1863 and June 7th, 1864 acted in direct contravention of the intent of the law T, Act 18, and the note to Act 36. A flash of eagerness suffused the face of Alexei Alexandrovich as he rapidly wrote out a synopsis of these ideas for his own benefit. Having filled a sheet of paper, he got up, rang, and sent a note to the chief secretary of his department to look up certain necessary facts for him. Getting up and walking about the room he glanced again at the portrait, frowned, and smiled contemptuously. After reading a little more of the book on Egyptian hieroglyphics and renewing his interest in it, Alexei Alexandrovich went to bed at eleven o'clock, and recollecting as he lay in bed the incident with his wife, he saw it now in by no means such a gloomy light. End of Chapter 14 Chapter 15 of Anna Karenina Book 3 This is a LibriVox recording. All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain. For more information or to volunteer, please visit LibriVox.org Recording by Philip Griffiths Anna Karenina by Leo Tolstoy translated by Constance Garnett. Book 3 Chapter 15 Though Anna had obstinately and with exasperation contradicted Ronsky when he told her their position was impossible, at the bottom of her heart she regarded her own position as false and dishonorable, and she longed with her whole soul to change it. On the way home from the races she had told her husband the truth in a moment of excitement and in spite of the agony she had suffered in doing so she was glad of it. After her husband had left her she told herself that she was glad that now everything was made clear and at least there would be no more lying and deception. It seemed to her beyond doubt that her position was now made clear forever. It might be bad this new position, but it would be clear there would be no indefiniteness or falsehood about it. The pain she had caused herself and her husband in uttering those words would be rewarded now by everything being made clear she thought. That evening she saw Ronsky but she did not tell him of what had passed between her and her husband though to make the position definite it was necessary to tell him. When she woke up next morning the first thing that rose to her mind was what she had said to her husband and those words seemed to her so awful that she could not conceive now how she could have brought herself to utter those strange, coarse words and could not imagine what would come of it. But the words were spoken and Alexei Alexandrovich had gone away without saying anything. I saw Ronsky and did not tell him at the very instant he was going away I would have turned him back and told him but I changed my mind because it was strange that I had not told him the first minute. Why was it I wanted to tell him and did not tell him? And in answer to this question a burning blush of shame spread over her face. She knew what had kept her from it she knew that she had been ashamed. Her position, which had seemed to her simplified the night before suddenly struck her now as not only not simple but as absolutely hopeless. She felt terrified at the disgrace of which she had not ever thought before. Directly she thought of what her husband would do the most terrible ideas came to her mind she had a vision of being turned out of the house of her shame being proclaimed to all the world. She asked herself where she should go when she was turned out of the house and she could not find an answer. When she thought of Ronsky it seemed to her that he did not love her that he was already beginning to be tired of her that she could not offer herself to him and she felt bitter against him for it. It seemed to her that the words that she had spoken to her husband and had continually repeated in her imagination said to everyone and everyone had heard them. She could not bring herself to look those of her own household in the face. She could not bring herself to call her maid and still less go downstairs and see her son and his governess. The maid who had been listening at her door for a long while came into her room of her own accord. Anna glanced inquiringly into her face with a scared look. The maid begged her pardon for coming in saying that she had fancied the bell rang. She bought her clothes and a note. The note was from Betsy. Betsy reminded her that Liza Myrkolova and Baroness Stolz were coming to play croquet with her that morning with their adorers, Kalosky and old Stremolf. Come, if only as a study in morals I shall expect you, she finished. Anna read the note and heaved a deep sigh. Nothing, I need nothing, she said to Anushka who was rearranging the bottles and brushes on the dressing table. You can go, I'll dress at once and come down, I need nothing. Anushka went out but Anna did not begin dressing and sat in the same position, her head and hands hanging listlessly and every now and then she shivered all over, seemed as though she would make some gesture, utter some word and sank back into lifelessness again. She repeated continually my God, my God, but neither God nor my had any meaning to her. The idea of seeking help in her difficulty in religion was as remote from her as seeking help from Alexei herself, although she had never had doubts of the faith in which she had been brought up. She knew that the support of religion was possible only upon condition of renouncing what made up for her the whole meaning of life. She was not simply miserable, she began to feel alarm at the new spiritual condition never experienced before in which she found herself. She felt as though everything were beginning to be double in her soul, just as objects sometimes appear double to overtired eyes. She hardly knew at times what it was she feared and what she hoped for, whether she feared or desired what had happened or what was going to happen and exactly what she longed for, she could not have said. What am I doing, she said to herself, feeling a sudden thrill of pain in both sides of her head. When she came to herself, she saw that she was holding her hair in both hands, each side of her temples and pulling it, she jumped up and began walking about. The coffee is ready and Mamzele and Seryozha are waiting, said Anushka coming back again and finding Anna in the same position. Seryozha, what about Seryozha? Anna asked with sudden eagerness recollecting her son's existence for the first time that morning. He's been naughty, I think, answered Anushka with a smile. In what way? Some peaches were lying on the table in the corner room. I think he slipped in and ate one of them on the sly. The recollection of her son suddenly roused Anna from the helpless condition in which she found herself. She recalled the partly sincere though greatly exaggerated role of the mother living for her child which she had taken up of late years. And she felt with joy that in the plight in which she found herself, she had a support quite apart from her relation to her husband or to Vronsky. This support was her son. In whatever position she might be placed, she could not lose her son. Her husband might put her to shame and turn her out. Vronsky might grow cold to her and go on living his own life apart. She thought of him again with bitterness and reproach. She could not leave her son. She had an aim in life and she must act, act to secure this relation to her son so that he might not be taken from her. Quickly indeed, as quickly as possible she must take action before he was taken from her. She must take her son and go away. Here was the one thing she had to do now. She needed consolation. She must be calm and get out of this insufferable position. The thought of immediate action binding her to her son of going away somewhere with him gave her this consolation. She dressed quickly, went downstairs, and with resolute steps walked into the drawing room where she found, as usual waiting for her, the coffee, Seryozha and his governess. Seryozha all in white with his back and head bent was standing at a table under a looking-glass and with an expression of intense concentration which she knew well and in which he resembled his father he was doing something to the flowers he carried. The governess had a particularly severe expression. Seryozha screamed shrilly as he often did ah, mama! and stopped hesitating whether to go to greet his mother or to finish making the wreath and go with the flowers. The governess, after saying good morning, began a long and detailed account of Seryozha's naughtiness. But Anna did not hear her. She was considering whether she would take her with her or not. No, I won't take her, she decided. I'll go alone with my child. Yes, it is very wrong, said Anna, and taking her son by the shoulder she looked at him not severely, but with a timid glance that bewildered and delighted the boy and she kissed him. Leave him to me, she said to the astonished governess and not letting go of her son she sat down at the table where coffee was set ready for her. Mama, I—I didn't, he said, trying to make out from her expression what was in store for him in regard to the peaches. Seryozha, she said as soon as the governess had left the room that was wrong, but you'll never do it again, will you? You love me?" She felt that the tears were coming into her eyes. Can I help loving him, she said to herself, looking deeply into his scared and at the same time delighted eyes. And can he ever join his father in punishing me? Is it possible he will not feel for me? Tears were already flowing down her face, and to hide them she got up abruptly and almost ran out onto the terrace. After the thunder-showers of the last few days, cold bright weather had set in. The air was cold in the bright sun that filtered through the freshly washed leaves. She shivered, both from the cold and from the inward horror which had clutched her with fresh force in the open air. Run along, run along to Mariette, she said to Seryozha, who had followed her out. And she began walking up and down on the straw matting of the terrace. Can it be that they won't forgive me, won't understand how it all couldn't be helped? She said to herself, standing still and looking at the tops of the aspen trees waving in the wind with their freshly washed, brightly shining leaves in the cold sunshine, she knew that they would not forgive her, that everyone and everything would be merciless to her now, as was that sky, that green. And again she felt that everything was split in two in her soul. I mustn't, mustn't think, she said to herself. I must get ready. To go where? When? Whom to take with me? Yes, to Moscow, by the evening train, Anushka and Seryozha, and only the most necessary things. But first, I must write to them both. She went quickly indoors into her boudoir, sat down at the table, and wrote to her husband. After what has happened I cannot remain any longer in your house. I am going away and taking my son with me. I don't know the law and so I don't know with which of the parents the son should remain. But I take him with me because I cannot live without him. Be generous, leave him to me. Up to this point she wrote rapidly and naturally, but the appeal to his generosity, the quality she did not recognize in him, and the necessity of winding up the letter with something touching pulled her up. Of my fault and my remorse I cannot speak because she stopped again finding no connection in her ideas. No, she said to herself there's no need of anything and tearing up the letter she wrote it again leaving out the allusion to generosity and sealed it up. Another letter had to be written to Vronsky. I have told my husband, she wrote, and she sat a long while unable to write more. He was so coarse, so unfeminine. And what more am I to write to him, she said to herself. Again a flush of shame she recalled his composure and a feeling of anger against him impelled her to tear the sheet with the phrase she had written into tiny bits. No need of anything, she said to herself, and closing her blotting case she went upstairs told the governess and the servants that she was going that day to Moscow and at once set to work to pack up her things. End of Chapter 15 Chapter 16 Chapter 16 of Anna Karenina, Book 3 This is a LibriVox recording all LibriVox recordings are in the public domain. For more information or to volunteer, please visit LibriVox.org Recording by David Cole Midway, Massachusetts Anna Karenina by Leo Tolstoy translated by Constance Garnet Book 3 Chapter 16 All the rooms of the summer villa were full of porters, gardeners and footmen going to and fro carrying out things. Covers and chests were open twice they had sent to the shop for cord. Pieces of newspaper were tossing about on the floor. Two trunks, some bags and strapped up rugs had been carried down into the hall. The carriage and two hired cabs were waiting on the steps. Anna, forgetting her inward agitation in the work of packing was standing at a table in her boudoir, packing her travelling bag when Anushka called her attention to the rattle of some carriage driving up. Anna looked out of the window and saw Alexei Alexandrovich's courier on the steps, ringing at the front door-bell. Run and find out what it is she said and with the calm sense of being prepared for anything down in a low chair, folding her hands on her knees. A footman brought in a thick packet directed in Alexei and Alexandrovich's hand. The courier has orders to wait for an answer, he said. Very well, she said and as soon as he had left the room she tore open the letter with trembling fingers. A roll of unfolded notes done up in a wrapper fell out of it. She disengaged the letter and began reading it at the end. Preparations shall be made for your arrival here. I attach particular significance to compliance," she read. She read it on, then back, read it all through and once more read the letter all through again from the beginning. When she had finished she felt she was cold all over and that a fearful calamity such as she had not expected had burst upon her. In the morning she had regretted that she had spoken to her husband and wished for nothing so much as that those words could be unspoken and here this letter regarded them as unspoken and gave her what she had wanted. But now this letter seemed to her more awful than anything she had been able to conceive. He's right, she said. Of course he's always right. He's a Christian, he's generous. Yes, vile, base creature. And no one understands it except me and no one ever will and I can't explain it. They say he's so religious, so high-principled, so upright, so clever. But they don't see what I've seen. They don't know how he has crushed my life for eight years, crushed everything that was living in me. He has not once even thought that I'm a live woman who must have love. But every step he's humiliated me and been just as pleased with himself. Haven't I striven, striven with all my strength to find something to give meaning to my life? Haven't I struggled to love him, to love my son when I could not love my husband? But the time came when I knew that I couldn't cheat myself any longer that I was alive, that I was not to blame, that God had made me just love and live. And now what does he do? If he'd killed me, if he'd killed him, I could have borne anything. I could have forgiven anything, but no, he. How was it? I didn't guess what he would do. He's doing just what's characteristic of his mean character. He'll keep himself in the right while me in my ruin. He'll drive still lower to worse ruin yet. All the words from the letter. You can conjecture what awaits you and your son. That's a threat to take away my child and most likely by the stupid law he can. But I know very well why he says it. He doesn't believe even in my love for my child or he despises it just as he always used to ridicule it. He despises that feeling in me, but he knows that I won't abandon my child that there could be no life for me without my child even with him whom I love. But that if I abandon my child and run away from him I should be acting like the most infamous basest of women. He knows that and he knows that I am incapable of doing that. She recalled another sentence in the letter. Our life must go on as it has done in the past. That life was miserable enough in the old days. It has been awful of late. What will it be now? And he knows all that. He knows that I can't repent that I breathe that I love. He knows that it can lead to nothing but lying and deceit. But he wants to go on torturing me. I know him. I know that he's at home and is happy and deceit like a fish swimming in the water. I won't give him that happiness. I'll break through the spider web of lies in which he wants to catch me come what may. Anything's better than lying in deceit. But how? My God, my God! Whatever a woman so miserable as I am. No, I will break through it. I will break through it she cried jumping up and keeping back her tears. And she went to the writing table to write him another letter. At the bottom of her heart she felt that she was not strong enough to break through anything that she was not strong enough to get out of her old position. However force and dishonorable it might be. She sat down at the writing table. But instead of writing she clasped her hands on the table and laying her head on them burst into tears with sobs and heaving breasts like a child crying. She was weeping that her dream being made clear and definite had been annihilated forever. She knew beforehand that everything would go on in the old way and far worse, indeed than in the old way. She felt that the position in the world that she enjoyed and that had seemed to her of so little consequence in the morning that this position was precious to her that she would not have the strength to exchange it for the shameful position of a woman that abandoned husband and child to join her lover that however much she might struggle she could not be stronger than herself. She would never know freedom and love but would remain forever a guilty wife with the menace of detection hanging over her at every instant. Deceiving her husband for the sake of a shameful connection with a man living apart and away from her whose life could she could never share. She knew that this was how it would be and that at the same time it was so awful that she could not even conceive what he would end in and she cried without restraint as children cry when they are punished. The sound of the footman's steps forced her to trouse herself and hiding her face from him she pretended to be writing. The courier asked if there is an answer the footman announced. An answer, yes, said Anna let him wait I'll ring What can I write, she thought What can I decide upon alone What do I know What do I want What is there I care for Again she felt that her soul was beginning to be split in two and she was terrified again at this feeling and clutched at the first pretext for doing something which might divert her thoughts from herself. I ought to see Alexei as she called Vronsky in her thoughts no one but he can tell me what her ought to do I'll go to Betsy's perhaps I shall see him there she said to herself completely forgetting that when she had told him the day before that she were not going to princess Tverskaya's he had said that in that case he should not go either she went up to the table wrote to her husband your letter and ringing the bell gave it to the footman we are not going, she said to Anushka as she came in not going at all no, don't unpack till tomorrow and let the carriage wait I'm going to the princesses which dress am I to get ready End of Chapter 16 Chapter 17 of Anna Karenina Book 3 This is a LibriVox recording all LibriVox recordings are in the public domain For more information or to volunteer please visit LibriVox.org Recording by David Cole Medway, Massachusetts Anna Karenina by Leo Tolstoy translated by Constance Garnet Book 3 Chapter 17 The croquet party to which the princess Tverskaya had invited Anna was to consist of two ladies and their adorers These two ladies were the chief representatives of a select New Petersburg circle nicknamed in imitation of some imitation Lacept Merval Dumond These ladies belonged to a circle which though of the highest society was utterly hostile to that in which Anna moved Moreover, Stremoff one of the most influential people in Petersburg and the elderly admirer of Litsa Merkalova was Alexei Alexandrovich's enemy in the political world From all these considerations Anna had not meant to go and the hints in Princess Tverskaya's note referred to her refusal But now Anna was eager to go in the hope of seeing Vronsky Anna arrived at Princess Tverskaya's earlier than the other guests At the same moment as she entered, Vronsky's footman with side whiskers combed out like a Kamayonka came in too He stopped at the door and taking off his cap let her pass Anna recognized him and only then recalled that Vronsky had told her the day before that he would not come Most likely he was sending a note to say so As she took off her outer garment in the hall she heard the footman pronouncing his a's even like a Kamayonka say from the count for the princess and hand the note She longed to question him as to where his master was She longed to turn back and send him a letter to come and see her nor the second nor the third course was possible Already she heard bells ringing to announce her arrival ahead of her and Princess Tverskaya's footman was standing at the open door waiting for her to go forward into the inner rooms The princess is in the garden they will inform her immediately Would you be pleased to walk into the garden announce another footman in another room The position of uncertainty of indecision was still the same as at home Worst in fact since it was impossible to take any step impossible to see Vronsky and she had to remain here among outsiders in company so uncongenial to her present mood But she was wearing a dress that she knew suited her She was not alone All around was that luxurious setting of idleness that she was used to and she felt less Richard than at home She was not forced to think what she was to do Everything would be done of itself on meeting Betsy coming towards her in a white gown that struck her by its elegance Anna smiled at her just as she always did Princess Tverskaya was walking with Tushkovich and a young lady a relation who to the great joy of her parents in the provinces was spending the summer with a fashionable princess There was probably something unusual about Anna for Betsy noted it at once I slept badly answered Anna looking intently at the footmen who came to meet them and as she supposed brought Vronsky's note How glad I am you've come said Betsy I'm tired and was just longing to have some tea before they come You might go with Masha and try the croquet-ground over there where they've been cutting it We shall have time to talk a little over tea We'll have a cozy chat A She said in English to Anna with a smile pressing the hand with which she held a parasol Yes, especially as I can't stay very long with you I'm forced to go on to old madame Freda I've been promising to go for a century said Anna lying, alien as it was to her nature had become not really simple and natural in society but a positive source of satisfaction Why she said this which she had not thought of a second before she could not have explained She had said it simply from the reflection that as Vronsky would not be here she had better secure her own freedom and try to see him somehow But why had she spoken of all madame Freda whom she had to go and see as she had to see many other people she could not have explained and yet as it afterwards turned out had she contrived the most cunning devices to meet Vronsky she could have thought of nothing better No, I'm not going to let you go for anything, answered Betsy looking intently to Anna's face Really, if I were not fond of you I should feel offended One would think you were afraid my society would compromise you Tea in the little dining room please she said, half closing her eyes as she always did when addressing the footmen Taking the note from him she read it Alex says playing us force she said in French He writes that he can't come She added in a tone as simple and natural as though it could never enter her head that Vronsky would mean anything more to Anna in the game of croquet Anna knew that Betsy knew everything but hearing how she spoke of Vronsky before her she almost felt persuaded for a minute that she knew nothing Ah, said Anna, indifferently as though not greatly interested in the matter and she went on smiling How can you or your friends compromise anyone? This playing with words, this hiding of a secret had a great fascination for Anna as indeed it has for all women and it was not the necessity of concealment not the aim with which the concealment was contrived but the process of concealment itself which attracted her I can't be more catholic than the Pope she said Stremoff and Lisa McCullover why are they the cream of the cream of society? Besides they received everywhere an eye she laid special stress on the eye have never been strict and intolerant it's simply that I haven't the time No, you don't care perhaps to meet Stremoff? Let him and Alexei Alexandrovich tilted each other in the committee that's no affair of ours but in the world he's the most amiable man I know and a devoted croquet player you shall see and in spite of his absurd position as Lisa's lovesick swain at his age you ought to see how he carries off the absurd position he's very nice Sappho Staltz you don't know oh, that's a new type, quite new Betsy said all this and at the same time from her good-humoured shrewd glance Anna felt that she partially guessed her plight and was hatching something for her benefit they were in the little voodooire I must write to Alexei though and Betsy sat down to the table scribbled a few lines with the note in an envelope I'm telling him to come to dinner I've one lady extra to dinner with me and no man to take her in look what I've said will that persuade him? excuse me, I must leave you for a moment would you seal it up please and send it off? she said from the door I have to give some directions without a moment without a moment's thought Anna sat down to the table with Betsy's letter and without reading it wrote below it's essential for me to see you come to the Vradar Garden I shall be there at six o'clock she sealed it up and Betsy coming back in her presence handed the note to be taken at tea which was brought them on a little tea-table in the cool little drawing-room a cozy chat promised by Princess Terviskaya before the arrival of her visitors really did come off between the two women they criticised the people they were expecting and the conversation fell upon Lisa Merkel over she's very sweet and I always liked her, Sedana you ought to like her she raves about you yesterday she came up to me after the races and was in despair not finding you you're a real heroine of romance and if she were a man she would do all sorts of mad things for your sake Stremoff says she does that as it is but do tell me please I never could make it out, Sedana after being silent for some time speaking in a tone that showed she was not asking an idle question but that what she was asking was of more importance to her than it should have been do tell me please what are her relations with Prince Kaluski Mishka as he's called I've met them so little what does it mean Betsy smiled with her eyes and looked intently at Anna it's a new manner she said they've all adopted that manner they flung their caps over the windmills but there are ways and means of flinging them yes but what are her relations precisely with Kaluski Betsy broke down into unexpectedly mirthful and irrepressible laughter a thing which rarely happened with her you're encroaching on Princess Miakaya's special domain now that's a question of an arm-front terrible and Betsy obviously tried to restrain herself but could not and went off into peels of that infectious laughter that people laugh who do not laugh often you'd better ask them she brought out between tears of laughter no you laugh said Anna laughing too in spite of herself but I could never understand it I can't understand the husband's role in it the husband Lisa Merkalova's husband carries her shore and is always ready to be of use but anything more than that in reality no one cares to inquire you know in decent society one doesn't talk or think about certain details of the toilet that's how it is with this will you be at Madam Ralland Dikes Fett asked Anna to change the conversation I don't think so answered Betsy and without looking at her friend she began filling the little transparent cups with fragrant tea putting a cup before Anna she took out a cigarette and fitting it in a silver holder she lighted it and in a fortunate position she began quite serious now she took up her cup I understand you and I understand Lisa Lisa now is one of those naive natures that like children don't know what's good and what's bad anyway she didn't comprehend it when she was very young and now she's aware that the lack of comprehension suits her now perhaps she doesn't know on purpose said Betsy with a subtle smile it suits her the very same thing don't you see maybe looked at tragically and turned into a misery or it maybe looked at simply and even humorously possibly you are inclined to look at things too tragically how I should like to know other people just as I know myself said Anna seriously and dreamily am I worse than other people or better I think I'm worse I'm terrible repeated Betsy but here they are End of Chapter 17 Chapter 18 of Anna Karenina Book 3 this is a LibriVox recording all LibriVox recordings are in the public domain for more information or to volunteer please visit LibriVox.org recording by David Cole Anna Karenina by Leo Tolstoy translated by Constance Garnet Book 3 Chapter 18 they heard the sound of steps and a man's voice then a woman's voice and laughter and immediately thereafter they walked in the expected guests Saphos Stoltz and a young man beaming with excess of health the so-called Vasca it was evident that ample supplies of beef steak truffles and burgundy never failed to reach him at the fitting hour Vasca bowed to the two ladies and glanced at them but only for one second he walked after Saphos into the drawing room and followed her about as though he were chained to her keeping his sparkling eyes fixed on her as though he wanted to eat her Saphos Stoltz was a blonde beauty with black eyes she walked with smart little steps in high heeled shoes and shook hands with the ladies vigorously like a man Anna had never met this new star of fashion and were struck by her beauty the exaggerated extreme to which her dress was carried and the boldness of her manners on her head was the upper structure of soft golden hair her own and false mixed that her head was equal in size to the elegantly rounded bust of which so much was exposed in front the impulsive abruptness of her movements was such that at every step the lines of her knees and the upper part of her legs were distinctly marked under her dress and the question involuntarily arose to the mind where in the undulating piled up mountain of material at the back the real body of the woman so small and slender so naked in front and so hidden behind and below really came to an end Betsy made haste to introduce her to Anna only fancy we all but ran over two soldiers she began telling them at once using her eyes smiling and twitching away her tail which she flung back at one stroke all on one side I drove here with Vaska hard to be sure you don't know each other and mentioning his surname she introduced the young man and reddening a little broke into a ringing laugh at her mistake that is at her having called him Vaska to a stranger Vaska bowed once more to Anna but he said nothing to her he answered Saffo you've lost your bet we got here first pay up said he's smiling Saffo laughed still more festively not just now I said she oh all right I'll have it later very well very well oh yes she turned suddenly to Princess Betsy I am a nice person I positively forgot it I've brought you a visitor and here he comes the unexpected young visitor whom Saffo had invited and whom she had forgotten was however a personage of such consequence that in spite of his youth both the ladies rose on his entrance he was a duer admirer of Saffo's he now dogged her footsteps like Vaska soon after Prince Kaluzuzki arrived and Lisa Merkel over with Stremoff Lisa Merkel over was a thin brunette with an oriental languid type of face and, as everyone used to say exquisite erigmatic eyes the tone of her dark dress Anna immediately observed and appreciated the fact was in perfect harmony with her style of beauty Lisa was as soft and innovated as Saffo was smart and abrupt but to Anna's taste Lisa was far more attractive Betsy had said to Anna that she had adopted the pose of an innocent child but when Anna saw her she felt that this was not the truth she really was both innocent and corrupt but a sweet and passive woman it was true that her tone was the same as Saffo's that like Saffo she had two men one young and one old and devouring her with their eyes but there was something in her higher than what surrounded her there was in her the glow of the real diamond among glass imitations this glow shone out in her exquisite truly enigmatic eyes the weary and at the same time passionate glance of those eyes encircled by dark rings impressed one by its perfect sincerity everyone looking into those eyes fancied he knew her wholly and knowing her could not but love her at the sight of Anna her whole face lighted up at once with a smile of delight ah how glad I am to see you she said going off to her yesterday at the races all I wanted was to get to you but you'd gone away I did so want to see you yesterday especially wasn't it awful she said looking at Anna with eyes that seem to lay bare all her soul yes I had no idea it would be so thrilling said Anna blushing the company got up at this moment to go into the garden I'm not going said Lisa smiling and settling herself close to Anna you won't go either will you who wants to play croquet oh I like it said Anna there how do you manage never to be bored by things it's delightful to look at you you're alive but I'm bored how can you be bored why you live in the lively setting Petersburg said Anna possibly the people who are not of our set are even more bored but we I certainly am not happy but awfully awfully bored Sappho smoking a cigarette went off into the garden with two young men Betsy and Stremoff remained at the tea table what bored said Betsy Sappho says they did enjoy themselves tremendously at your house last night ah how dreary it all was said Lisa Merkel over we all drove back to my place after the races and all was the same people all was the same all was the same thing we lounged about on sofas all the evening what is there to enjoy in that no do tell me how you managed never to be bored she said addressing Anna again one has but to look at you and one sees here's a woman who may be happy or unhappy but isn't bored tell me how you do it I do nothing answered Anna blushing at these searching questions that's the best way Stremoff put in Stremoff was a man of fifty partly grey but still vigorous looking very ugly but with a characteristic and intelligent face Lisa Merkel over was his wife's niece and he spent all his leisure hours with her on meeting Anna Karenina as he was Alexei Alexandrovich's enemy in the government he tried like a shrewd man and a man of the world he particularly cordial with her the wife of his enemy nothing he put in with a subtle smile that's the very best way I told you long ago he said turning to Lisa Merkel over that if you don't want to be bored you mustn't think you're going to be bored it's just as you mustn't be afraid of not being able to fall asleep if you're afraid of sleeplessness that's just what Anna Karenina has just said I should be very glad if I had said it or it's not only clever but true that Anna is smiling no do tell me why it is one can't go to sleep and one can't help being bored to sleep well one ought to work and to enjoy oneself one ought to work too what am I to work for when my work is no use to anybody and I can't and won't knowingly make a pretence about it you're incorrigible said Stremoff not looking at her and he spoke again to Anna as he rarely met Anna he could say nothing but common places to her but he said those common places as to when she was returning to Petersburg and how fond Countess Lydia Ivanovna was of her with an expression that suggested that he longed for this whole soul to please her and to show his regard for her and even more than that Tushkovich came in announcing that the party was awaiting the other players to begin croquet no don't go away please don't pleaded Lisa Merkel over hearing that Anna was going Stremoff joined in her entreaties it's too a violent transition he said from such company to old Madame Vrida and besides you will only give her a chance for talking scandal while here you arouse such different feelings of the highest and most opposite kind he said to her Anna pondered for an instant in uncertainty this shrewd man's flattering words the naive childlike affection shown her by Lisa Merkel over and all the social fear she was used to it was all so easy and what was in store for her was so difficult that she was in uncertainty whether to remain whether to put off a little longer the painful moment of explanation but remembering what was in store for her alone at home if she did not come to some decision remembering that gesture terrible even in memory when she had clutched her hair in both hands she said goodbye and went away end of chapter 18 recording by David Cole Medway, Massachusetts chapter 19 of Anna Karenina book 3 this is a LibriVox recording all LibriVox recordings from the public domain for more information or to volunteer please visit LibriVox.org recording by David Cole Anna Karenina by Leo Tolstoy translated by Constance Garnett book 3 chapter 19 in spite of Ronsky's apparently frivolous life in society he was a man who hated irregularity in early use in the court of pages he had experienced the humiliation of a refusal when he had tried being in danger when he had tried being in difficulties to borrow money and since then he had never once put himself in the same position again in order to keep his affairs in some sort of order he used about five times a year more or less frequently according to circumstances to shut himself up alone and put all his affairs into definite shape this he used to call his day of reckoning or fair lalasif on waking up the day after the races Ronsky put on a white linen coat and without shaving or taking his bath he drifted about the table monies, bills and letters and said to work Patritsky who knew he was ill-tempered on such occasions on waking up and seeing his comrades at the writing table quietly dressed and went out without getting in his way every man who knows to the minutest details all the complexity of the conditions surrounding him cannot help imagining that the complexity of these conditions and the difficulty of making them clear is something exceptional and personal peculiar to himself and never supposes that others are surrounded by just as complicated an array of personal affairs as he is so indeed it seemed to Ronsky and not without inward pride and not without reason he thought that any other man would long ago have been in difficulties would have been forced to some dishonorable course if he had found himself in such a difficult position but Ronsky felt that now especially it was essential for him to clear up and define his position to avoid getting into difficulties what Ronsky attacked first as being the easiest was his peculiarity position writing out a note paper in his minute hand all that he owed he added up the amount and found that his debts amounted to seventeen thousand and some odd hundreds which he left out for the sake of clearness reckoning up his money and his bank book found that he had left one thousand eight hundred roubles and nothing coming in before the new year reckoning over again his list of debts Ronsky copied it, divining into three classes in the first class he put the debts which he would have to pay at once or for which he must in any case have the money ready so that on demand for payment there could not be a moments delay in paying such debts amounted to about four thousand one thousand five hundred for horse and two thousand five hundred for a young comrade who had lost that sum to a car shop in Ronsky's presence Ronsky had wanted to pay the money at the time he had that amount then but Ronsky and Yashvin had insisted that they would pay and not Ronsky who had not played that was so far well but Ronsky knew that in this dirty business though he's only share in it was undertaking by word of mouth to be sure it to for Vanofsky it was absolutely necessary for him to have the two thousand five hundred roubles so as to be able to fling it at the swindler and have no more words with him and so for this first and most important division he must have four thousand roubles the second class eight thousand roubles consisted of less important debts these were principally accounts owing in connection with his racehorses to the purveyor of oats and hay the English Sadler and so on he would have to pay some two thousand roubles on these debts too in order to be quite free from anxiety the last class of debts to shops to hotels to his tailor were such as need not be considered so that he needed at least six thousand roubles for current expenses and he only had one thousand eight hundred for a man it was one hundred thousand roubles of income which was what everyone fixed as Ronsky's income such debts one would suppose could hardly be embarrassing but the fact was that he was far from having one hundred thousand his father's immense property which alone yielded a yearly income of two hundred thousand was left undivided between the brothers at the time when the elder brother with a mass of debts married Princess Faria Tejova the daughter of a Decemberist without any fortune whatever Alexei had given up to his elder brother almost the whole income his father's estate reserving for himself only twenty five thousand a year from it Alexei had said at the time to his brother that that sum would be sufficient for him until he married which he probably never would do and his brother who was in command of one of the most expensive regiments and was only just married could not decline the gift his mother who had her own separate property had allowed Alexei every year twenty thousand in addition to the twenty five thousand he had reserved and Alexei had spent it all of late his mother incensed with him on account of his love affair and his leaving Moscow had given up sending him the money and in consequence of this Vronsky who had been in the habit of living on the scale of forty five thousand a year having only received twenty thousand that year found himself now in difficulties to get out of these difficulties he could not apply to his mother for money her last letter which she had received the day before had particularly exasperated him by the hints in it that she was quite ready to help him to succeed in the world and in the army but not to lead a life gentle to all good society his mother's attempt to buy him stung him to the quick and made him feel colder than ever to her but he could not draw back from the generous word when it was once uttered even though he felt now vaguely foreseeing certain eventualities in his intrigue with Madam Karenina that this generous word had been spoken thoughtlessly and that even though he were not married he might need all the hundred thousand of income but it was impossible to draw back he had only to recall his brother's wife to remember how that sweet delightful Varya sorted every convenient opportunity to remind him that she remembered his generosity and appreciated it to grasp the impossibility of taking back his gift it was as impossible as beating a woman, stealing or lying one thing only could and ought to be done and Vronsky determined upon it without an instance hesitation to borrow money from a money lender ten thousand rubles a proceeding which presented no difficulty to cut down his expenses generally and to sell his racehorses resolving on this he promptly wrote a note to Rolandak who had more than once sent to him with offers to buy the horses from him then he sent for the Englishman and the money lender and divided what money he had according to the accounts he intended to pay having finished this business he wrote a cold and cutting answer to his mother then he took out of his notebook three notes of annas read them again, burned them and remembering their conversation on the previous day he sank into meditation End of chapter 19 recording by David Coal Medway, Massachusetts Chapter 20 of Anna Karinna Book 3 This is a LibriVox recording All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain For more information or to volunteer please visit LibriVox.org Recording by Patty Cunningham Anna Karinna by Leo Tolstoy translated by Constance Garnett Book 3 Chapter 20 Fransky's life was particularly happy in that he had a code of principles which defined with unfailing certitude what he ought and what he ought not to do This code of principles covered only a very small circle of contingencies but then the principles were never doubtful and Fransky, as he never went outside that circle was a woman's hesitation about doing what he ought to do These principles laid down as invariable rules that one must pay a card sharper but need not pay a tailor that one must never tell a lie to a man but one may to a woman that one must never cheat anyone but one may a husband that one must never pardon an insult but one may give one and so on These principles were possibly not reasonable but they were of unfailing certainty and so long as he adhered to them Fransky felt that his heart was at peace and he could hold his head up Only, quite lately in regard to his relations with Anna Fransky had begun to feel that his code of principles did not fully cover all possible contingencies and foresee in the future difficulties and perplexities for which he could find no guiding clue His present relation to Anna and her husband was to his mind clear and simple It was clearly and precisely defined in the code of principles by which he was guided She was an honourable woman who had bestowed her love upon him and he loved her and therefore she was in his eyes a woman who had a right to the same or even more respect than a lawful wife He would have had his hand chopped off before he would have allowed himself by a word, by a hint to humiliate her short of the fullest respect a woman could look for His attitude to society too was clear Everyone might know might suspect it but no one might dare to speak of it If any did so he was ready to force all who might speak to be silent and to respect the non-existent honour of the woman he loved His attitude to the husband was the clearest of all From the moment that Anna loved Fransky he was right over her as the one thing unassailable Her husband was simply a superfluous and tiresome person No doubt he was in a pitiable position but how could that be helped The one thing the husband had a right to was to demand satisfaction with a weapon in his hand and Fransky was prepared for this at any minute But of late new interrelations had arisen between him and her which frightened Fransky by their indefiniteness and told him that she was with child and he felt that this fact and what she expected of him called for something not fully defined in that code of principles by which he had hitherto steered his course in life and he had been indeed caught unawares and at the first moment when she spoke to him of her position his heart had prompted him to beg her to leave her husband He had said that but now thinking things over he saw clearly that it would be better at the same time as he told himself so he was afraid whether it was not wrong If I told her to leave her husband that must mean uniting her life with mine Am I prepared for that? How can I take her away now when I have no money? Supposing I could arrange But how can I take her away while I'm in the service? If I say that I ought to be prepared to do it that is I ought to have the money and to retire from the army Any grew thoughtful The question whether to retire from the service or not brought him to the other and perhaps the chief, though hidden interest of his life, of which none knew but he Ambition was the old dream of his youth and childhood a dream which he did not confess even to himself, though it was so strong that now this passion was even doing battle with his love His first steps in the world and in the service had been successful Anxious to show his independence and to advance he had refused a post that had been offered to him hoping that this refusal would heighten his value but it turned out that he had been too bold and he was passed over and having, whether he liked it or not taken up for himself the position of an independent man he carried it off with great tact and good sense behaving as though he bore no grudge against anyone did not regard himself as injured in any way he left alone since he was enjoying himself in reality he had ceased to enjoy himself as long ago as the year before when he went away to Moscow he felt that this independent attitude of a man who might have done anything but cared to do nothing was already beginning to pawl that many people were beginning to fancy that he was not really capable of anything but being a straightforward, good-natured fellow his connection with Madame Karenina by creating so much sensation and attracting general attention had given him a fresh distinction which soothed his gnawing worm of ambition for a while but a week before that worm had been roused up again with fresh force the friend of his childhood a man of the same set of the same coterie his comrade in the core of pages Serpa Hovskoy who had left school with him and had been his rival in class in gymnastics in the glory had come back a few days before from Central Asia where he had gained two steps up in rank and an order rarely bestowed upon general so young as soon as he arrived in Petersburg people began to talk about him as a newly risen star of the first magnitude a school fellow of Vronsky's and of the same age he was a general and was expecting a command which might have influence on the course of political events Vronsky, independent and brilliant and beloved by a charming woman though he was was simply a Calvary captain who was readily allowed to be as independent as ever he liked of course I don't envy Serpa Hovskoy and never could envy him but his advancement shows me that one has only to watch one's opportunity and the career of a man like me may be very rapidly made three years ago he was in just the same position as I am if I retire I burn my ships if I remain in the army I lose nothing she said herself she did not wish to change her position and with her love I cannot feel envious of Serpa Hovskoy and slowly twirling his mustaches he got up from the table and walked about the room his eyes shown particularly brightly and he felt in that confident calm and happy frame of mind which always came after he had thoroughly faced his position everything was straight and clear just as after former days of reckoning he shaved, took a cold bath dressed and went out End of Chapter 20 Recording by Patti Cunningham Chapter 21 of Anna Karenina Book 3 This is a LibriVox recording All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain For more information or to volunteer visit LibriVox.org Recording by Patti Cunningham Anna Karenina by Leo Tolstoy Translated by Constance Garnett Book 3 Chapter 21 We've come to fetch you Your lessive lasted a good time today said Patritsky Well, is it over? It is over, answered Bronsky smiling with his eyes only and twirling the tips of his mustaches circumspectly as though after the perfect order into which his affairs had been brought any overbold or rapid movement might disturb it You're always just as if you'd come out of a bath after it, said Patritsky I've come from gritskies That was what they called the Colonel They're expecting you Bronsky without answering looked at his comrade thinking of something else Yes, is that music at his place? he said, listening to the familiar sounds and waltzes floating across to him What's the fit? Sipahovskoy's come Aha! said Bronsky Why I didn't know The smile in his eyes gleamed more brightly than ever Having once made up his mind that he was happy in his love that he sacrificed his ambition to it having anyway taken up this position Bronsky was incapable of feeling either envious of Sipahovskoy or hurt with him at first to him when he came to the regiment Sipahovskoy was a good friend and he was delighted he had come Ah! I'm very glad The Colonel Dmyne had taken a large country house The whole party were in the wide lower balcony In the courtyard the first objects that met Bronsky's eyes were a band of singers in white linen coats standing near a barrel of vodka and the robust, good-humored figure of the Colonel surrounded by officers He had gone out as far as the first step of the balcony and was loudly shouting across the band that played off in Bach's quadril waving his arms and giving some orders to a few soldiers standing on one side A group of soldiers, a quartermaster and several subalterns came up to the balcony with Bronsky The Colonel returned to the table went out again onto the steps of the tumbler in his hand and proposed the toast To the health of our former comrade the gallant general Prince Serpahovskoy Hurrah! The Colonel was followed by Serpahovskoy who came out onto the steps smiling with a glass in his hand You always get younger, Bondarenko he said to the rosy cheeked, smart-looking quartermaster standing just before him still youngish-looking, though doing his second term of service It was three years since Bronsky had seen Serpahovskoy He looked more robust had let his whiskers grow but was still the same graceful creature whose face and figure were even more striking from their softness and nobility than their beauty The only change Bronsky detected in him was that subdued, continual radiance of beaming content which settles on the faces of men who are successful and are sure of the recognition of their success by everyone Bronsky knew that radiant air and immediately observed it in Serpahovskoy As Serpahovskoy came down the steps he saw Bronsky a smile of pleasure lighted up his face He tossed his head upwards and waved the glass in his hand, greeting Bronsky and showing him by the gesture that he could not come to him before the quartermaster who stood craning forward his lips ready to be kissed Here he is, shouted the Colonel Yashvin told me you were in one of your gloomy tempers Serpahovskoy kissed the moist fresh lips the gallant-looking quartermaster and wiping his mouth with his handkerchief went up to Bronsky How glad I am, he said, squeezing his hand and drawing him on one side You look after him, the Colonel shouted to Yashvin pointing to Bronsky and he went down below to the soldiers Why weren't you at the races yesterday? I expected to see you there, said Bronsky scrutinizing Serpahovskoy I did go, but late I beg your pardon, he added and he turned to the adjutant Please have this divided from me, each man as much as it runs to and he hurriedly took notes for three hundred rubles from his pocket-book, blushing a little Bronsky, have anything to eat or drink? asked Yashvin Hi, something for the count to eat Ah, here it is, have a glass The Fed at the Colonel's lasted a long while There was a great deal of drinking They tossed Serpahovskoy in the air and caught him again several times Then they did the same to the Colonel Then, to the accompaniment of the band the Colonel himself danced with Petritsky Then the Colonel, who began to show signs of feebleness sat down on a bench in the courtyard and began demonstrating to Yashvin the superiority of Russia over Poland especially in Calvary attack and there was a lull in the revelry for a moment Serpahovskoy went into the house to the bathroom to wash his hands and found Bronsky there Bronsky was drenching his head with water He had taken off his coat and put his sun-burnt hairy neck under the tap and was rubbing it and his head with his hands When he had finished Bronsky sat down by Serpahovskoy They both sat down in the bathroom on a lounge and a conversation began which was very interesting to both of them I've always been hearing about you through my wife said Serpahovskoy I'm glad you've been seeing her pretty often She's friendly with Barya and they're the only women in Petersburg I care about seeing answered Bronsky smiling He smiled because he foresaw the topic the conversation would turn on and he was glad of it The only ones Serpahovskoy queried smiling Yes, and I heard news of you but not only through your wife said Bronsky checking his hint of a stern expression of face I was greatly delighted to hear of your success but not a bit surprised I expected even more Serpahovskoy smiled Such an opinion of him was obviously agreeable to him and he did not think it necessary to conceal it Well, I, on the contrary, expected less all owned frankly but I'm glad, very glad I'm ambitious, that's my weakness and I confess to it Perhaps you wouldn't confess to it if you hadn't been successful, said Bronsky I don't suppose so, said Serpahovskoy smiling again I won't say life wouldn't be worth living without it but it would be dull Of course I may be mistaken but I fancy I have a certain capacity for the line I've chosen and that power of any sort in my hands if it is to be will be better than in the hands of a good many people I know said Serpahovskoy with beaming consciousness of success and error I get to it the better pleased I am Perhaps that is true for you but not for everyone I used to think so too but here I live and think life worth living not only for that There it's out Here it comes, said Serpahovskoy laughing Ever since I heard about you about your refusal, I began Of course I approved of what you did but there are ways of doing everything and I think your action was good in itself in the way you ought to have done What's done can't be undone and you know I never go back on what I've done and besides I'm very well off very well off for the time but you're not satisfied with that I wouldn't say this to your brother He's a nice child like our host here There he goes, he added listening to the roar of hurrah and he's happy but that does not satisfy you I didn't say it did satisfy me Yes, but that's not the only thing Such men as you are wanted By whom? By whom? By society By Russia Russia needs men, she needs a party or else everything goes and will go to the dogs How do you mean Bertenev's party against the communists? No, said Serpahovskoy frowning with vexation at being suspected of such an absurdity To siest nun blak that's always been and always will be There are no communists but intriguing people have to invent a noxious dangerous party It's an old trick No, what's wanted is a powerful party of independent men like you and me But why so? Bronsky mentioned a few men who were in power Why aren't they independent men? Simply because they have not or have not had from birth an independent fortune They've not had a name They've not been close to the sun and center as we have They can be bought either by money or by favor and they have to find a support for themselves in inventing a policy and they bring forward some notion some policy that they don't believe in that does harm and the whole policy is really only a means to a government house and so much income when you get a peep at their cards I may be inferior to them stupider perhaps I should be inferior to them but you and I have one important advantage over them for certain in being more difficult to buy and such men are more needed than ever Bronsky listened attentively but he was not so much interested by the meaning of the words as by the attitude of Serpa Hofskoy who was already contemplating a struggle with the existing powers and already had his likes and dislikes in that higher world while his own interest in the governing world was on the interests of his regiment Bronsky felt too how powerful Serpa Hofskoy might become through his unmistakable faculty for thinking things out and for taking things in through his intelligence and gift of words so rarely met with in the world in which he moved and ashamed as he was of the feeling he felt envious still I haven't the one thing of most importance for that he answered I haven't the desire for power I had it once but it's gone excuse me that's not true said Serpa Hofskoy smiling yes it is true it is true now Bronsky added to be truthful yes it's true now that's another thing but that now won't last forever perhaps answered Bronsky you say perhaps Serpa Hofskoy went on as though guessing his thoughts but I say for certain that's what I wanted to see you for your action was just what it should have been I see that but you ought not to keep it up I only ask you to give me carte blanche I'm not going to offer you my protection though indeed why shouldn't I protect you you've protected me often enough I should hope our friendship rises above all that sort of thing yes he said smiling to him as tenderly as a woman give me carte blanche retire from the regiment and I'll draw you upwards imperceptibly but you must understand that I want nothing Serpa Hofskoy except that all should be as it is Serpa Hofskoy got up and stood facing him you say that all should be as it is I understand what that means but listen we're the same age you've known a greater number of women perhaps than I have Serpa Hofskoy's smile and gestures told Bronsky that he mustn't be afraid that he would be tender and careful in touching the sore place but I'm married and believe me in getting to know thoroughly one's wife if one loves her as someone has said one gets to know all women better than if one knew thousands of them we're coming directly Bronsky shouted to an officer who looked into the room and called them to the colonel Bronsky was longing now to hear the end and know what Serpa Hofskoy would say to him and here's my opinion for you women are the chief stumbling block in a man's career it's hard to love a woman and do anything there's only one way of having love conveniently without its being a hindrance that's marriage how, how am I to tell you what I mean said Serpa Hofskoy who liked similes wait a minute, wait a minute yes just as you can only carry a fardu and do something with your hands when the fardu is tied on your back and that's marriage and that's what I felt when I was married my hands were suddenly set free but to drag that fardu about with you without marriage your hands will always be so full that you can do nothing look at Mazankov at Krupov they've ruined their careers for the sake of women what women? said Bronsky recalling the French woman and the actress with whom the two men he had mentioned were connected the firmer the woman's footing in society the worse it is that's much the same as not merely carrying the fardu in your arms but tearing it away from someone else you have never loved Bronsky said softly looking straight before him and thinking of Anna perhaps but you remember what I've said to you and another thing women are all more materialistic than men we make something immense out of love they are always directly directly he cried to a footman who came in but the footman had not come to call them again as he supposed the footman brought Bronsky a note a man brought it from Princess Tsverskaya Bronsky opened the letter and fleshed crimson my heads begun to ache I'm going home he said to Srpahovskoy oh good-bye then you give me carte blanche I'll look you up in Petersburg End of Chapter 21 Recording by Patti Cunningham