 Green Directors Playhouse stars Bob Hope, Rhonda Fleming, Production, The Great Lover, Director, Alexander Hall. This is the Screen Directors Playhouse, the Thursday night feature on NBC's All-Star Festival of Comedy, Music, Mystery and Drama. Brought to you by Chesterfield, the cigarette that has for you what every smoker wants. Mildness, plus no unpleasant aftertaste. The cigarette that brings you Bing Crosby and Bob Hope. By the makers of Anderson for the faster relief from the pain of headache, neuritis and uralgia. And by RCA Victor, world leader in radio, first in recorded music, first in television. Tonight the Screen Directors Playhouse is pleased to present a first in radio comedy. Here is our adaptation of a screen full of laughter named The Great Lover. And here are our stars, Bob Hope and Rhonda Fleming. You know what's upon a time, Paramount made a picture called The Great Lover. Naturally they asked me to play the part. Crosby was so upset he fell out of his wheelchair. I'm Rhonda Fleming and I want you to know that Bob was perfectly cast for the part of The Great Lover. His kiss is probed with a strange electricity. Like a dynamo, huh? Like a vacuum cleaner. Yeah, you're talking to a guy who gets introduced twice. Listen to this from the right crisp kid. Now here's Chesterfield's answer to Cyrano de Bergerac. Bob Hope. I'd top easy, Dad, but we only have a minute here to sell Chesterfield. Okay, well let's get to it. Better tasting Chesterfield is the only cigarette that combines for you mildness with no unpleasant aftertaste. The mildness is a cinch to prove. You just make the Chesterfield mildness test. You know, open a pack and enjoy that milder aroma. Then smoke them and you'll know that Chesterfield's mild. And Chesterfield leaves no unpleasant aftertaste. That fact has been confirmed by the country's first and only cigarette taste panel. So make our cigarette your cigarette. The reasons go together like this. Why Chesterfield? Chesterfield, the one that proves its case. Yes, Chesterfield's a milder, milder plus no aftertaste. For whole, open a pack and give them a sniff. Then you'll smoke them. Now here's the first act of the screen director's Playhouse presentation of The Great Lover. Starring Bob Hope and Rhonda Fleming. Here are the original roles of Freddie Hunter at the Duchess Alexandria. Uh, city desk? No, no, no time for lunch. No, I'm tied down. Waiting for Freddie Hunter to come in. Oh, sorry, that's the newspaper business. Yeah, yeah, well, uh, here comes Hunter now. So long. Oh, hi, Chief. I did it. Good work, Hunter. When Freddie Hunter gets an assignment from the city desk, he really follows through. I get just what you wanted. Well, let's have it. Here. A ham sandwich on rye. Where's the pickle? Pickle? Hunter, you know I always want a pickle from the bottom of Bramberg's barrel. Yeah, that barrel, you get pickles and I get marinated elbows. Gee, boss, how about a real assignment? Look at me, Freddie Hunter, newspaper man, Bond Vivant, man of the world. I'm too sophisticated for a town like North Zanesville, Ohio. You ought to send me to some glamorous city like Hollywood with all the beautiful stars. Freddie, now, you have to remember that it's the small towns like North Zanesville that are the backbone of America. I know, but in Hollywood, you can see more of it. Come on, boss, send me somewhere. Freddie, how would you like a chance at a big story? How would I? Gee, you're not kidding me. Like the time you gave me a two-story assignment and I had to wash all the windows in the second floor? No, that was the mute. No, no. This is on the level, but I don't know if you can handle it. No, Hunter, you get into too much trouble like the day you started yelling you had a hot flash. Yeah, hot flash. I sat on a lighted cigarette. Remember how I cursed that cigarette? Chesterfield, too. You see what I mean, Hunter? Well, believe me, boss, those days are gone forever. Okay, now, I'll give you a chance to get out of North Zanesville. You remember that contest we just had? Keep our streets clean. Oh, you mean the one where I wrote the story from the viewpoint of a horse? Yes, I do. Well, that contest was won by the local troop of boy foresters of the world. Whipper will patrol. Oh, those boy foresters. What a bunch of little sneaks. So they turned one little petition into the newspaper. Oh, sure, one little petition. I don't mind that tar, but I'm too ticklish for the feathers. And after all the cigarette butts I picked up off the sidewalk. Now, now, look, Hunter, they won the contest and the first prize is a trip to the International Roundup in Paris. And you cover the story. I cover... are you kidding? What time do the boy foresters go to bed? 8 o'clock. They're in bed at 8 o'clock, huh? And at 8.30, life, love, and onion soup. No, no, no, at 8.30, Betty, bye for you, too. The senior boy forester is Stanley Kling. Well, no half-point boy forester's going to shove Freddie Hunter around. I'll slice him down to a boy gardener. I'll... did you say Stanley Kling? The publisher's son. Oh, here comes Breathless Freddie Hunter making love in short pants. The Paris countryside, not even a city. Fine thing. I come all the way to Paris to romance with the mademoiselles and I get stuck in the country before I can even get a girl to get stuck in the country with. And after all those wonderful dreams I had, the Follies Brigère, Paris nightclubs, moonlight nights in the Riviera, hoping Arrow Flynn will forget to close this porthole. How about it, honey? You're a girl. You understand. What should I do about it? Oh, I've already tried that. All right, Stanley. I'm coming. I'm coming. Cute little shavetail. And how I'd love to. Look where you slept last night. Newspapers all over. I know. Okay, okay. The boy forester is loyal, cheerful, helpful, truthful, brave and clean. He does not smoke. He does not drink. He does not quarrel with girls. He does not drink. Oh, some trip this is. I wish I was back in Bramberg's pickle barrel. Look at this. This is the sort of story I should be working on. Tracking down a criminal. The card table murderer. Imagine catching this guy. He's an American card sharp, who deals him so some sucker will win all the money. Then when everybody else goes home, he plays a sucker and wins it all back. Some racket, a couple of suckers got wise, so he killed him. Imagine death at the card table. Stanley, do you play P. Knuckle? I know, I know. Look, why don't you go find yourself a girl forester and settle down and raise little pine trees, huh? Come on, we've got a 40-mile hike to the boat. Your boy forester, Stanley, will march you to your quarters aboard this ship. I'll see you about getting the baggage aboard. Conversation, the baggage is already aboard. This is where I jumped ship. I brought these brats to France, but they can go home alone. I'm staying in Paris. A boy forester doesn't smoke, doesn't drink. He doesn't quarrel with women. Yeah. Well, here's where this boy forester burns down a few trees. Quite a burden, Mr. Hunter, Freddie Hunter. Oops, you dropped your newspaper, Mr. Uh, Dabney, C.J. Dabney. Oh, here you are. So you've got that story marked in pencil, huh? Uh, why, yes. Oh, the card table murder yarn. I'm interested because I'm a newspaper man myself. Oh, yes, I was impressed by that story, too. After all, I like to play cards, and, well, one can't be too careful, can one? This card table murderer might be aboard this ship. Yeah, but you don't have to worry. He usually picks some guy with hayseeds sticking in his hair. Yes, indeed. Play cards, Mr. Hunter. Me? The Call of the Wild. Wow. Oh, what a shame. I thought we might amuse ourselves with a little game of poker. Pardon me. Huh? Dog and I would like to walk by. Dog? Please. Fighting my daughter's ankle. I was just seeing if her shoelace was untied. That's all. That's enchanting, wasn't she? Did you smell that perfume? A most heady fragrance. Yeah, but the smell is what got me. She'll have trouble even being half safe wearing that stuff. Imagine what that did to me after smelling boy foresters for a month. Oh, Mr. Hunter. Do you think Freddy Hunter's the kind to lose his head over a woman? Head. Where is it? Mr. Hunter, it's on your shoulders. You're standing on your hand. Oh. Oh. Father, the Grand Duke Maximilian. One of the wealthiest men on the continent, I believe. A Grand Duke yet? He wouldn't let me hold hands with a wolfhound. However, I do know them, and if you wish, I can arrange an introduction. We can establish contact with a little poker game. Your father, you, myself. I'm going to send a radio grant to my old man. Stanley, you? You heard? Okay, get me fired. I suppose you're perfect. You've never yielded a temptation. Yeah, but wait till you get to be a man forester. It's not so easy. I bet once at camp when you thought nobody was looking, you lit the fire with a match. Stanley, my tinder is damp, too. This sneaks up on you a little bit. I promise I'll be a good boy forester. Ask Mr. Dabney. Of course, Diane, that you and your chums are aboard. You might even protect us all from the card table murderer. Father, I do hope that Max will be comfortable. He should be, my dear Alexandria. You tipped the kennel attend with half our remaining funds. Money. We will make much money in America. When we open our perfume shop, we will be rich once again. Beautifully, wonderfully rich. If Americans find your perfumers potent, that's our family home. Father, did you notice that young man on deck when I passed by? Our perfume holds an attraction and a lure. A fatal fascination. Oh, yes. I'm sure we shall be eminently successful. The next time you suffer from pains of headache, neuritis, or neuralgia, take Anderson. You'll bless the day you heard of this incredibly fast way to relieve those pains. Now, the reason Anderson is so wonderfully fast-acting and effective is this. Anderson is like a doctor's prescription. That is, Anderson contains not just one, but a combination of medically proven active ingredients in easy-to-take tablet form. Thousands of people have received envelopes containing Anderson tablets from their own dentist or physician. And at this way, he discovered the incredibly fast relief Anderson brings from pains of headache, neuritis, or neuralgia. The next time a headache strikes, take Anderson for this wonderfully fast relief. Anderson, A-N-A-C-I-N. Anderson comes in handy boxes of 12 and 30, economical family size bottles of 50 and 100. Get Anderson at any drug counter. Now, act two as the screen director's playhouse presents the great lover, starring Bob Hope as Freddie Hunter and Rhonda Fleming as the Duchess, Alexandria. Mr. Dabney, when am I going to get to meet the Duchess? These things take time. As I said, I might invite her father to join us in a little poker game. Perhaps that'll break the ice. You just introduced me to the Duchess. You won't have to break it. I'll meld it. Yes, we'll just play for peanuts, of course. Where I come from, we eat the peanuts and play for the shells. Hey, look, there's her father sitting down at that next table. Yes, indeed. Well, you know him. Go ahead. Go ahead. Perhaps you'd better leave, my boy. I'd like to tell him what an honest, upright young man you are. Go ahead. I'll help you. Just my luck. Here comes Eisenhower. Hello, Stanley. What did I do wrong now? Well, I have to do something. The straps in my garter belt were showing. Well, who decided that? Yeah, I know. And I'm Dewey. Now, remember, Mr. Dabney, fix it with a Grand Duke. I wouldn't be here if I was hip. Gee, Mr. Dabney, I'm afraid to go down those steps into the dining salon. How's my dinner jacket? Exquisite, my boy. And you set it all up for me, huh? Oh, yes. Her father considers himself quite a card player. He's rather interested in you. I'm sorry. Tell him his daughter saw me first. Told him you had millions. Millions? Me? Freddie Hunter? Why'd you tell him that? Why couldn't you have just sold him on my charm, my personality, my savoir-faire, my looks? How many millions you tell him I had? Yeah, a million goosebumps. My boy, you must become one of their class. It'll give you time. The Duchess will come to know your finer qualities, perhaps even to love you. Shake hands with Rockefeller. Alexandria, my dear. Young men has been described to me as a young debonair, a Greek god. Oh, another American. And rich, fabulously rich. Possibly a beggar for our perfume. I'm wearing it tonight. He needs only encouragement. But, Father, what if he bores me? Then I suggest champagne, my dear. You know what it does to you. It makes your head spin, your eyes light up into your ear's ring. Father, I'm a woman, not a pinball machine. Ah, there they come now. Oh, no, is that the Greek god? That must be him. He looks more like a Roman candle. May I present my daughter, gentlemen, the Duchess Alexandria, Mr. Dabney. Pleasure. Mr. Hunter. Oh, hi, we met before, Duchess. Indeed. Well, I bet you on the ankle, don't you remember? The perfume I... Pardon me, anybody for bird-dogging? Father, I'll need that champagne. Mr. My pretty, what shall we drink, too? Oh, your perfume. I haven't smelled anything that powerful since Bramberg's pickle barrel. Must be the champagne. When I'm like this, I love everybody. Well, don't love Stanley, he'll make you wear short pants. Hey, what's happening? Where is everybody? Oh, Father and Mr. Dabney went somewhere to talk, but we have each other, my Freddie. You know, I want to walk in the moonlight with you. Well, I'd rather run. I'm in a hurry to get to the next page. I'll carry your bag, and you carry the case of champagne. Ah, there you are, Duchess. I'll take my arm and... Oh! Gee, I'm afraid I stepped on your evening gown. Oh, don't be afraid, darling. I have a needle and thread in my cap, and... Uh, fix it. Oh, but of course... Ah, no, no, it's past taps. The boy foresters will worry. They'll put hot rocks in my sleeping bag. And if I don't show up Stanley, he'll have me fired. Please? Please. Well, let's get together and baste it on the bias. Let's look for that needle, and I hope it's in a haystack. I could turn on the lights to find the needle. Yeah, let's do it the hard way with gloves on, huh? Listen, my nerves are jangling. Oh, my handsome one, the phone is ringing. What disturbance? This time of night. Yeah, who? Lights, lights. Hey, what's the idea of disturbing the Duchess at this time of night? Hey, do you know who this is? No, who? Yeah. Do you know who this is? No. Good, let's keep it that way. Just a boy forester. Boy forester. Boy, I'm late for taps. They'll drum me out of the regiment. Please, Freddie, don't. I'm sorry, Duchess, but I'm leaving. I'm getting out of... Let's go back to page 19. No, I'm leaving. I'm staying. Oh, Duchess, please. Don't point. I know where it is. Duchess, please. Stop waving that perfume atomizer in my face. Oh, that's nothing to worry about, my Freddie. Just let your conscience be your guide. No, that won't work. Why not? It keeps following your conscience. Well, I didn't put those footprints on the ceiling trying to get out. You have such a sense of humor. Well, it's a living. Say, uh... Take me in your arms, Duchess. All right, let's take it again now. We'll take it from where the cops came in. Take me in your arms, Duchess. Let me try this line. I think I can handle it. Take me in your arms, girl. Take me in your arms, girl, Duchess. Crush me. Make me know it. I surrender. Just tell me, does everybody kiss like that in your country? Hi. Well, where does an alien go to register? Answer the door. A board ship yet? Boy, these fuller brush salesmen stop at nothing. Leave it to Stanley. That's when I was building up pressure in my double boiler. Alexandria, don't let him take me. Oh, but is it so important? After all, a wealthy man like yourself, what can it matter? Him? Oh, don't try, Duchess. I'm your prisoner. Take me. I have one final request to make. Go ahead and make it. One last shot of perfume. Oh, of course, my darling. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. Tell him in North Zanesville I died like an air dail. The great lover continues his romance in just a moment. But first, here's a word from RCA Victor. Fill your life with a new magic world of fun. Enjoy yourself. Have a highland fling. Yes, that's just what it is. When you and your family start enjoying RCA Victor's new 17-inch television console, the Highland, it's fun, it's fine, and it'll be the favorite of your family. That's right. The most famous name in home entertainment, RCA Victor, now brings you the best in 17-inch television with the new Highland console. There's a lot we can say about the Highland, but you just have to see it with its remarkable pictures. Clear, bright, and steady. Its distinctive console cabinet, beautifully styled, beautifully finished, and priced to fit your family budget. Then you'll know why this is million-proof television. Now over two million American families have tried, tested, and purchased RCA Victor Television. Let your family in for a highland fling with RCA Victor's exciting new Highland television console. See it at your RCA Victor dealers tomorrow. You are listening to the screen director's playhouse, the Thursday night feature on NBC's All Star Festival, brought to you by Chesterfield, the cigarette that has for you what every smoker wants, mildness, plus no unpleasant aftertaste, by the makers of Anderson for the fast relief in the pain of headache, neuritis, and neuralgia, and by RCA Victor, world leader in radio, first in recorded music, first in television. The screen director's playhouse presentation of The Great Lover starring Bob Hope and Rhonda Fleming will continue in just a moment after a brief pause for station identification. This is the screen director's playhouse. We continue with the third act of The Great Lover starring Bob Hope and Rhonda Fleming in their original roles of Freddie Hunter at the Duchess Alexandria. Oh, hi, Mr. Dabney. No, no, no, don't get up. I'll just take this other picture. I understand that you amused the duckess last night. Yeah, yeah. She's a fast girl with a champagne hammer lock. But the boy foresters spoiled it. What happened? They pulled a raid. They charged me with necking in a third degree. Well, then things aren't too bad. Now, to further your campaign, I suggest a measure of companionship with the Duchess's father. Okay, but if he wears the same perfume, the deal's off. Well, I rather thought poker. Poker? Well, we'll expect you at one o'clock in the gaming salon. Remember, remember, play big. Be the big man you are. Yeah, Freddie Hunter, the poker king of North Zanesville. I'm too big to play for matches. From now on, I'm betting cigarette lighters. Pardon me, Mr. Hunter, but I happened to overhear... Now, look, bud, you're talking to lucky Freddie Hunter. Name your poison, cards, dice, hopscotch. Let's see the color of your money. Oh, a piker, huh? Poker's my game. A piker. Lay it on the line, bud. Lay it on the line. You're talking to put up or shut up hunter. Poker's all right with you, then? Never mind the small talk, son. I told you you're talking to put up or shut up hunter. What are the stakes? $50 a chip. Yes, sir. Whispering Smith, they call me. Just gave up gambling. Well, maybe that's a good policy aboard ship, Mr. Hunter. My name's Higgins. The card table murderer is loose. He may be Dabney. He may be the Duke. Then again, he may be you. So long, Lucky. Me, the card table murderer. I never murdered a card table in my life. Murder! Hey, Mr. Higgins! Good morning, Freddie. Duchess. You're not angry with me, Freddie, are you? About last night? Angry because you drank champagne and hypnotized me with perfume into your cabin and let me kiss you. First I didn't like you and then came the champagne and I did like you. I really burbled in those bubbles, huh? But now the champagne's gone and I still like you very much. Look, Alexandria. Don't call me Alexandria. Alex? No, Freddie. But that's my name. Darling, that sounds good. Good morning, darling. Good morning, honey punch. Stanley. Here. I'm going to have your head blocked. Look, Stanley, the Duchess and I, this is just my way of getting exercise like you in basketball. Go ahead, by the time you get an answer, the game will be over. Such a nice little boy, Forrester. Come here. Stop messing up my merit badges! Listen, Duchess, I might be able to handle this little monster. You got a handkerchief with some of that perfume on it? Yes, Freddie, right here. Oh, thanks. What are you two plotting about? Ah, nice little Stanley. Let me bash your head in, would you? With that handkerchief? Just take a whiff of the handkerchief when I wave it at you. Oh, eat it for tonight. Come on, smell. How do you feel? Say, let me get a whiff. Well, it's only a little liquid. That's what the guy said when he invented nitroglycerin. Sure, here. You can use my shaving lotion for a chaser. Looks like we'll see Stanley in long pants yet. Well, it's my turn again. Have one with me, will you? Do you really think it's affecting him? Well, I don't know about him, but my brain is playing taps and my blood is blowing revely. I've lost my head. Well, take your other one and get out while you're still even. Freddie, Freddie, could you ever care for me? You? Oh, I'm not so rich. I haven't even got a yacht for my swimming pool. Oh, kiss me, Freddie. One more. Uh-uh. I have to keep a clear head. I've got an appointment with your father and Mr. Dabney. After all, that's much more important than a kiss. Who writes this stuff? Let those guys out of the cave. What do you want? Okay, man, I'm ready for the big game. Mr. Hunter, you seem to have made a very favorable impression on my daughter last night. Yeah, and I wasn't even wearing a flower in my hair. Well, we proceed with the game, gentlemen. Oh, sure. Go ahead and shuffle. A little stiff, but... If you're stiff, I'm paralyzed. I'll see you later. I'm leaving. Don't be upset, Mr. Hunter. We're all men of the world here. Yeah, but I haven't had much experience. I didn't even know what girls were until the day Bramberg's waitress fell into the picklebarrow. Why don't you save my aunt? This is Codd's fifth ordeal. Well, a guy can get in trouble this way. Mr. Higgins told me. And who is Mr. Higgins? I met on the boat, said even I might be the card table murderer. Imagine that, me, a murderer. Well, let's play. How much is this chip worth? $100. Okay, but a... $100? What do you take me for, a millionaire? Why, of course, Mr. Hunter. Just throw the chip in the ante. Okay, but you pry it out of my fingers, will you? And that gentleman ends the game. Well, I told you, boys, not to play with me. Now, let's see, Mr. Dabney, you owe $400. I have it right here. I told you not to play with me. And here are your winnings, your grace. Thank you. And you, Mr. Hunter, owe me exactly $1,600. Well, I haven't got it. I told you not to play with me. Has he got it? You? I think Mr. Hunter's forgotten his wallet. I'll be glad to advance the money. Oh, but really? I insist if Mr. Hunter will permit me. Me? I insist, you insist. Thank you. $1,600. Thank you. Thank you. Until we play this evening, gentlemen, good afternoon. Oh, fine thing, Dabney. You got me into this mess. Now, I owe you $1,600. How am I going to get that kind of money? Commit murder? It'll be necessary, my boy. As for your losses, I am responsible, so you owe me nothing. Hmm? Please make me happy. I'm sure you'll win it all back tonight anyway. Some deal. Mr. Higgins was right. I shouldn't have played. Mr. Higgins seems to have concerned himself unduly with our gambling activities. I, uh, think perhaps we should play somewhere else. I'll arrange for a cabin. Yeah, well, while you're about it, arrange for two. One more lousy hand, and I'll settle for a fast game of post office. Believe me, my boy, at the end of tonight's game, it is very unlikely that the money will still be in the Duke Maximilian's possession. Good. Goodbye. Don't worry. Here I am writing IOUs for my IOUs. And what will the Duchess do if she finds out I'm a phony? Probably cut off my perfume. And, uh, she wouldn't be that cruel. Maybe she'll let me taper off one nostril at a time. I'll tell her the truth, that I'm a poor but honest newspaper man, and I can't afford to buy her mink coats. Of course, I might be able to get her a job as a secretary in the White House, or alone with the RFC. You didn't. Well, I admit the stakes were a trifle high, my dear, and I did win, you know. But suppose the next time you should lose? To that hunter fellow? How can I lose to a man who cuts the carts with his nose? The point is, we can't afford to take chances. We have just enough money to start a small perfume business in America. If you lose that father, we're finished. I shan't lose, my dear Alexandria. Well, Mr. Hunter, come in. Oh, thanks. I'll just pull up one of the family money bags and sit down. Yes, when I imagine it's my daughter you wish to see, I just run along. Hey, Duchess, I happen to hear you scolding your father about gambling. Oh, well, father must learn not to yield to such a childish temptation. Well, what's the use of having temptations if you don't yield to them? I've yelled so much I'm limp. Perhaps, Freddie, you're just a very human, human being. Human enough to know what it's like to be broke. Broke? Broke, an irritating lack of lettuce. No dough, you know, like you and your father. Oh, I see. You heard that, too. Well, I imagine this will be most important to a man of your wealth. Wealth? Listen, Duchess, my money means nothing to me. Absolutely nothing. You know why? Why? Because I ain't got any. I haven't got change for a bagel. What are you breaking yourself up for? It's for me to go into business. Is that the truth? What are you laughing at? I was going to lend it to you. What do you mean, poor Freddie? This is wonderful. We're both busted. We both start from scratch. Without money, can one get along in America? Listen, Duchess, I've seen them rich and I've seen them poor. And you know the way I feel about it? How? You can't get along without money in America. Well, boys, let's deal little cards, huh? Very well. I'll shuffle. Now let's hear you play it like a rumba. Do you feel lucky tonight, Mr. Hunter? Me? Lucky? All I want to do is break even. Okay, there's all the chips in the pot and I haven't looked at my cards yet. What have you got, Mr. Dabney? Oh, I dropped out, my boy. You're too lucky for me. Well, how about you, Duke? A full house. Three kings and two inns. See, you beat me. All I have is nothing but an old ace and another ace and another ace and another ace and a wild one. See, nothing but five aces. Five aces! Gentlemen, I am finished. Look, let's split it all up and start again. Certainly not. I believe, Mr. Hunter, that I owe you $27,000. Oh, look, you want to settle for $0.35 cash? A gamblin' debt is a debt of honor. I'll just make out his IOU. Amazing, isn't it? How one's luck can change. There, my winnings of this afternoon and an IOU for the rest. Hey, you know what? I'll bet you win it all back tomorrow. Mr. Hunter, I believe I had my fill of poker. North Zanesville style. Good night. $27,000. Boy, that'll buy a lot of gumballs. I'll never go hungry again. I'm afraid, my boy, that the Duke is not as gracious a loser as I am. You see, I too seem to have lost all my cash, not even a little old... Well, what's this? A little old dollar bill, huh? Yes, a little old orphan bill, you might say. Would you care to cut cards to dispose of it, Mr. Hunter? No, I don't think so. I just gave up gambling. A little old orphan dollar bill. Funny the way you want to bet that dollar. That's just the way the card table murder works. Exactly the way, Mr. Hunter. Mr. Higgins, what are you doing here? Is there something you wish, Mr. Higgins? Yes, that money. Look, he's got a gun. Gun? What does a gun do? Shoots! Shoots! You've made you frighten our friend into a phase. Would you kindly explain your business? I'm the ship's detective. May I see those cards, please? Oh, you think perhaps they're marked? Of course, look then. Here! Oh! Oh! I knew that, Mr. Higgins. And you were so close to your quarry. Oh. What happened? My boy, he's dead. You displayed the courage of a tiger. Me? A tiger? You. You killed him. What'd I do? Claw him to death? No, he stood there with his gun. Suddenly, an expression of passion darted across your face. That's when I snapped my garter bell. You bent the gun around. Maybe I can plead self-defense. You can never stand up in court. Neither could I. Let me sit down. I'll have to phone the captain about this, my boy. I'm sorry. What about my winnings? But you're a doomed man. Remember, honey? But you're a... Try duchess. That's good. You're doomed. You can't take it with you. Well, I'm sure not going to leave any laying around. There's no time. No time? Hurry! Run! Run! Run! They're off. It's that Anita. Here I go. Yes, that was a shot. Please inform the captain. I wish to report a murder. The ship's detective, Mr. Higgins, has been shot by a card shark. Stanley, it's me, your old friend, Freddie. Come home to roost. But, Stanley, I... Don't you know what time it is? The rest of the patrol is sleeping. Look, I'm a boy forester, too. See? I've got the acorn mark on my wrist. I don't care if you've got chestnuts going on. Now, listen, turnip head. Don't take advantage of your size. You were a foot shorter. I'd let you have it. I'd like a word with you. Duchess, I'm in trouble. You know what happened? I do. My father told me what happened. Your fabulous luck. You cheated him. You took his eye on you. Thief. Liar. Cheat. He finally knows you, eh, Hunter? Duchess, I'm not a cheat. Then what are you? I'm just a murderer. Murderer? I know it! There's the alarm. They're looking for me. Duchess, you have to help me. Where can I hide? Mr. Hunter, let them track you down like the hound you are. No, I'm too young for the dog pound. Dog pound. Dog. Shut up, you crummy wolf hound. Some kennel you've got here. Next time, try the train. It's air conditioned. Oh, I'm sorry, nothing personal. After all, who can be dady in a boneyard? You got any meat left on these things? When do we eat? Uh-oh, here comes the gravy train. Come on, put something in the kennel, boy. A dog biscuit. I got it first, finders keepers. Let go. You want to ruin your figure? You look like a Saint Bernard. Ouch! Max, are you all right? The duchess. Here. Here, let me feel your head. Fine, Max, how strange you feel. It's not like a dog's head at all. It's more like an ape. Now you're licking my hand. Your lips feel just like furries. You know what? I think I loved him. If only, if only there was some explanation. Oh, oh, there is. Is there? Max, you talk! Yeah, I wasn't just a woofin', either. Look, duchess, duchess, you have to believe me, I... Uh-oh, I'm trapped. Where is he, my boy? Oh, good evening, duchess. Good evening, Mr. Dabney. There's only one place he could be in that kennel. Well, duchess, is Mr. Hunter in that kennel? Oh, oh, oh, oh. No, just my dog. Oh, oh, oh, oh. His voice seems to be changing. Now, Stanley, my boy, we seem to have found our man. You run along and get the rest of the patrol. You double-cross and heal whose side are you on? Why, Mr. Hunter, I'm on Mr. Dabney's side, as this gun will well inform you. Oh, Mr. Dabney, don't shoot him. Even though I know what he is, I... Oh, please don't. Oh, but I must. Oh, she loves me. Okay, Dabney, go ahead and shoot. Wait a minute, who put this line in the script? That writer's been trying to kill me off for years. Your jokes are of no avail, Mr. Hunter. You see, you must die, and the duchess too. The duchess? No, take me, but not her. Don't shoot her. Freddie, stop trying to hide behind me. Well, Mr. Dabney, why do you feel this sudden need for murder? Because the card table murderer must continue to exist, my dear. You. Then it was you who shot Mr. Higgins. And cheated my father. Don't be tedious. Soon the boy foresters must return. They must file that Mr. Hunter threw me off balance, knocked the duchess overboard, and then consigned himself to the comforts of the sea. What's the matter with that confounded dog? Well, Mr. Dabney, as long as you're going to kill us, you might as well have a look at this. What is it? Go ahead, take it and see. Give it to me. Only a dog biscuit. Take him away. Get him off me. Okay, Dabney, I've got the gun, and Max has got his dog biscuit. You're dealing with a big time now. This is the kid from North Zanesville speaking. So it took a flea-bitten dog to do the trick, huh? He might have had fleas before, Dabney, but not now. Duchess, scratch my back. Oh, Freddie. I've got one more thing to do. You hold the gun on him here. I've got it. You got him covered? Yes, darling. What do you want to do? Crawl back into the doghouse. Oh, my little boy forest. There it is, Duchess, Staten Island Ferry. The end of the voyage. Yeah, I guess this is the finish. It's the perfume business for you, and back to North Zanesville for me. Oh, you really think so? Did it bother me, darling? No, no, Duchess. What'd you say, boy? Just call me Duke. In just a moment, Bob Hope and Rhonda Fleming will return to introduce this week's guest director. Next Thursday on the evening of the Academy Award presentation, the Screen Directors Playhouse brings you a program worthy of that great event. We are proud to present two Academy Award nominees, starring in a well-remembered romance. Our story is, Next Time We Love, directed by E.H. Griffin. And our stars, James Stewart and Eleanor Parker. And now, here again at tonight's stars, Bob Hope and Rhonda Fleming. Okay, Rhonda, let's get with the director, huh? Isn't that what this is all about? Well, Bob, it's our chance to say thanks to that man behind the camera. But Bob, I think we should explain about Alexander Hall. All right. Folks, Al Hall directed The Great Lover, but illness has kept him home tonight. So Rhonda and I would like you to meet another great director. This kid didn't bother learning about motion pictures. He just invented them. After making about 380 films, he did three pictures with me. That's when he went into the fruit and vegetable business. Oh, he didn't need it. Ladies and gentlemen, here's the man who directed Bob and the Ghostbreakers, Mr. Bacare and Fancy Pants. George Marshall. Thank you, Rhonda and Bob, and I'm very happy to appear for Al Hall. You'll fit into the picture beautifully, George. Here we are. I'm a duchess and your account. Rhonda, please. I'm no count. I'm a director. All right, you're a no-account director. Okay, you're a discounted actor. I'm also a straight man for you. You know that, don't you? You know, the way you boys talk, people will think you're not good friends. Oh, Bob and I understand each other. We make pictures and play golf together. Yeah, some deal. I'd get the long shots in the studio and he'd get them on the golf course. Well, that doesn't happen anymore. Did you beat him, Bob? No, I quit playing with him. But if you want me for another picture, George, take me. I'm yours. Uh, thank you, Rhonda. I mean, I'll take both. Good night, Rhonda. Good night, Bob. Good night, everyone. Good night. The great lover was presented through the courtesy of Paramount Pictures, whose forthcoming production is the mating season, starring Jean Tierney and John Lund. Rhonda Fleming can currently be seen in the Paramount picture of the redhead and the cowboy, co-starring with Glenn Ford and Edmund O'Brien. Chesterfield's own Bob Hope may be heard on most of these stations on Tuesday, and Bob Hope's newest picture for Paramount soon to be released nationally is Damon Runyon's The Lemon Drop Kid, co-starring Lloyd Nolan, Marilyn Maxwell, and Jane Darwell with a lot of guys and gals. George Marshall has just completed a new comedy entitled No Room for the Groom, starring Fred McMurray, Eleanor Parker, and Richard Carlson for 20th Century Fox. Included in tonight's cast were Fritz Feld, Paul Freese, Jim Bacchus, Sheldon Leonard, and Fiddle Colby. Walter Tetley, who played the part of Stanley, can be heard Wednesday on The Great Gilder Sleeve and Sunday on the Phil Harris Alice Fay show. The Great Lover was adapted for radio by Richard Alan Simmons. Screen Directors Playhouse is produced by Howard Wiley and directed by Bill Karn. Portions of tonight's broadcast were transcribed. This is Jimmy Wallington speaking, and inviting you to listen next week when we present Next Time We Love, starring Academy Award nominees Jimmy Stewart and Eleanor Parker with Screen Director E.H. Griffin. Screen Directors Playhouse, the Thursday night feature on NBC's All-Star Festival of Comedy, Music, Mystery, and Drama. Listen tomorrow evening to the one and only Duffy's Tavern, the Friday night feature of the All-Star Festival. Saturday, hear the first piano quartet at a new time on NBC.