 I suspect we could all agree on the following, what I'm about to share, and that is the dating marketplace today is an absolute mess. I mean, it really is a mess compared to what many people fantasize about and what many people hope for. And this is true for men and women alike. And I think one of the things we have to examine of why it's such a train wreck out there, and I'm calling it for what it is, because I think to fantasize about something so overly romantic like the movies or Disney or whatnot is absolute delusion in my mind. And I think the vast majority of human beings have a weak understanding of the mechanics to a healthy, happy relationship, what it takes to create a healthy, happy relationship, and more importantly, being capable of being in a healthy, happy relationship. So why is it a mess right now? It's partially a mess because we have a significant percentage of the population that has weak emotional or weak relationship skills to begin with, okay? So right off the bat, we have a significant population with weak relationship skills, weak communication skills, weak listening skills, weak conflict resolution skills. And more importantly, we have a significant percentage of the population that operates from victim consciousness and not victor consciousness, which is one of the key elements to emotional maturity. Add to that that we have, again, this pool of people that are absolutely dysfunctional, you have a greater chance of ending up with a dysfunctional person than that person that has the emotional maturity or relationship skills to lean into a relationship. And then add to that the fantasy that chemistry equals relationship success. I'm gonna repeat that, that chemistry equals relationship success. And many of people are in this fantasy because there's a deception associated with chemistry because most humans don't consider the more important factors to a relationship in that shared values, blendable lifestyles. And as I've been talking about emotional maturity. So let's talk about this emotional maturity for a second because one thing I've observed for those of us in midlife, and if you're in midlife, that's after baby making years or before retirement. I always say my audience tends to be 42 to 69. Those are the women that tend to hire me most. By the way, there's a link below to schedule a discovery call with me to see if working with a coach is right for you can schedule a free discovery call. One of the things I've observed in midlife is that roughly 75% of the single population or the population that is actively in the dating marketplace over 45 years old are divorced human beings. And with a significant percentage of divorced human beings, you have a lot of dysfunctionality depending on where they are in the spectrum of their divorce. And what I mean is, are they in the beginning stages of the divorce? Are they in the final stages? Are they divorced? And then do they have a contentious relationship with an ex or do they have a contentious relationship throughout or maybe they're just going through garden variety midlife crisis. Maybe they have issues with their children. Maybe they have professional issues going on in their life. Maybe they have health issues going on in this life. This is true of men and women alike. So what I've observed in the divorce category is this rise in what I call dating as a replacement for therapy. I'm gonna repeat that, dating as a replacement for therapy. And what I mean to say is there is a significant percentage of people that are using the online dating platforms to connect with people as a form of therapy. And what I mean is as a temporary, actually not even therapy as for some people it's self-medication. So instead of doing drugs and alcohol, they're using the online method to connect to, soothe whatever pain is going on inside of them. And I know this because I was that guy that literally was addicted to the online dating process to soothe the pain I was going through after a divorce and then after losing my significant, my quarter million dollar a year job and I was addicted to the online dating process for over a decade. So I shared with you as a form of therapy why that's so critically important to understand is a lot of men in particular, this is true of women as well, but men in particular finally in midlife feel like we've stuffed our emotions for so long. And if we've got a viable prospect at the other end of the phone, we might vomit all of our insecurities, our fears, our weaknesses just so we can feel validated by another human being. And to many of you women, you think this is music to your ears. You're like, oh my God, he's being vulnerable. He's being insecure. He's so emotionally mature. And yet all he's doing is vomiting his feelings because he's probably never gone to therapy and actually have done some genuine introspective work. So one of the reasons why I wrote my book What the Heck Is Self Love Anyway? A Journey of Personal Development Self Up in Spiritual Work. There's a link below to get a copy of my book. Why I pitch my book so often is a journey to begin shifting out of this pain and suffering many people are feeling as a catalyst to begin a process of personal development work so you can get out of the need of using online dating or talking to people incessantly as a form of therapy. And I want you to think about this. Even people who do therapy oftentimes just go so they can get someone to listen to their problems and feelings and oftentimes validate them but not with any real genuine forward progress help. This is why when I think of my coaching I'm gonna be candid with you. I look at all of you human beings out there as a bunch of children, as a bunch of children. And the way I scream and yell in my videos is because I look at you. I look at most everybody in the dating realm as children and I'm your parent scolding you for your stupidity. And I say stupidity because it blows me away in women in particular how often you give your power away to men and I'm sorry I'm gonna call you out on your shit. It's time to let go of the narrative that you can just sit back in your feminine energy and just let some man claim you. It is time to step into your empowerment and when in particular speak your truth to a guy instead of the fear of expressing yourself that he's gonna run away and this is why I've been lately continually recommending this book, Why Men Love Bitches. And bitch stands for babe in total control of herself, yes. It's an empowerment book. So you don't fall to the, you don't fall in this trap of becoming a guy's therapist because as music to your ears this might be it is setting you up for failure. It's setting you up for the, you're gonna see the signs shortly thereafter of how he's probably going to leave you at some point. Now the other sign and what I'm about to share really, really fucking sucks. I'm just sorry I've gotta call this out. But men experience, okay so we all know that men are hunters and they love to hunt and they love to chase of course you guys are naive like we're really hunting around like I want a relationship I'm hunting for a relationship instead of going guys hunt for sucks myself included. Listen, I'm no angel here. I try to have sex on the first date. I'm just, I'm a horny guy that is sometimes impetuous. I mean the chemical reaction of lust and limerence can make me absolutely the shark's eyes roll over and I wanna go for the kill. So I'm no picnic here. I'm a typical male, but oftentimes when we're chasing sex and we basically experience it, in other words we have sex with you, what happens next and you're not gonna like this terminology but I pulled it off of the internet so I'm gonna share it with you. Oh, it didn't show up. Hey Google, look up post nut clarity. Your guys are gonna die on this. So post nut clarity defined on the urban dictionary immediate clear mindedness or soberness and individual gains after orgasm or orgasm or busting the nut. The concept of post nut clarity has been bandied about for years in many different contexts. So why I'm sharing this with you is a man's real feelings for you show up after sex and it's almost binary. He either likes you or he wants to run the other direction and the problem. Okay, let me, there's three actually. Okay, I apologize. There's three. He either likes you, which you all wish was the case. He either runs away, which is most often what happens or he wants to go for repeat performances because he's basically a user or a spender. And if you're not familiar with my user spender category I'm just gonna show this to you real quick. Users are the roughly 20% of the population. This is not a fact. This is merely an opinion. These are the love bombers, the players, the gold diggers, the entitled people and the spenders are those people that want companionship, connection and sex but they have no real direction in a relationship. So sometimes these people that are, and by the way, the growers and the builders are the ones who genuinely want a relationship. So coming back to, you could be with a user or spender who may wanna keep coming back for more. Those are the usually the guys that are really dysfunctional needing your therapy so they'll keep coming back for more because the therapy and they get to have sex with their therapist. So you might be thinking, okay, what's the solution all this? Well, first is to recognize the signs that he's about to leave and we're gonna share that right now. So I'm gonna pull out my trusty notes. And when I say seven signs, it's over with them walk away now or at least be prepared, pay attention to these signs. So number one, he starts acting irritable and dismissive towards you. He starts acting irritable or dismissive towards you. Once you think about this, most guys that are users, they're in it for the short run, the guys that are the spenders, they're gonna be on their best behavior for about, if you're lucky, six weeks at best. But after that, if he's busted a nut and you're not the one, he might, but he doesn't have the courage to speak up and say that. He might start acting irritable or dismissive or worse controlling to you. These are signs irritable, dismissive or controlling are signs that he's getting ready to leave. These aren't absolute. There could be issues going on in his work life or his previous home life. There could be something going on, but that's usually a sign he's getting ready to leave. Number two, he forgets important things in your life, whether your birthday, your kid's birthday, maybe something that's happening in your family. I talked to a woman the other day where she was with a man who literally her father died and he was more concerned about his work than caring for her. He's like, oh, I forgot kind of thing. I'm like, how do you forget something like that? And this is common when he starts to forget important things in your life that's usually a sign he stops caring and he's getting ready to leave, okay? Or it's over with him. Number three, he stops spending money and he'd stop spending money on you or worse he starts turning it around and wants you to spend money on him. In other words, you're paying for the dates all the time. You're the one covering bills in his life. When you start seeing that happening, that's a sign that he doesn't respect himself anymore. And if he doesn't respect himself, he can't respect you. Number four, this one sucks. He stops having, well, this might not suck, but he stops having sex with you. A guy that, listen, most men, I mean, listen, even at my age, I'm not as virile as I used to be, although I am a horny son of a bitch. So, but when I stop having sex, it's either the game's over for me, at least that's happened before, or I mean, I've got to go seek some help. But if he stops having sex with you, that means he's detaching from you and that's most likely a sign, again, unless there's some real medical issue going on that he's getting ready to leave. Number five, he picks fights over nothing. He picks fights over nothing. He gets defensive or worse, he starts gaslighting you and gaslighting you is dismissing your feelings, turning everything around and making it your fault whenever you have a concern that you bring to him, he wants to turn it around, he gets defensive and he picks fights over nothing. That's usually a sign coming back to the irritableness that he's just not respecting the relationship much further. Number six, he stops talking about the future and the beginning is like, oh, we're gonna take this trip together. Oh my God, I can't believe how you're gonna fit into my life so perfectly and blah, blah, blah, blah, and then all of a sudden it's like, what happened to the future? What happened to those words we? We were gonna do this, we're gonna do that. When you stop hearing the we, you stop hearing the future, that's a good sign. It's most likely over for him and last but not least, number seven. He no longer puts effort and it feels like you're chasing him. I'm gonna repeat that, he no longer puts in effort and you're putting the effort because then you're gonna feel like you're chasing him. Folks, when something feels off, it usually is. When a relationship starts feeling off, I'm a big proponent. How do you protect yourself from this? First and foremost, ladies. If you follow my channel, you know, before the penis goes inside the vagina, read the book's eight dates and read chapter one together. That's at least your first assignment. Read this book, understand the mechanics to a healthy, happy relationship. This is by John and Julie Gottman. Purchase their other book, The Seven Principles to How to Make a Marriage Work. Why you need this is so you can understand the mechanics to a healthy, happy relationship. In addition, you're dating most of the time, you're dating total strangers. So before you have sex with a guy, I am a big proponent that you start utilizing what's called my dating vows, my dating vows. And I'm gonna read it for everyone. I'm posted on the screen real quick. I'll post it in the description when this broadcast is over. If you've ever heard the saying, women are the gatekeepers of sex and men are the gatekeepers of commitment. The dating vow is basically your antidote to eliminate 90% of the looky lose out there. And the dating vows goes like this, you both say this, you each say it to each other. Number one, I agree to, this is before you have sex. I agree to explore the process of getting to know you with the intent to declare something serious in three to six months. Number two, I agree to be monogamous sexually while we're having regular sex together. Number three, I agree to not actively seek to meet or date others while we're in the dating process which includes taking down my dating profile if you met on a dating profile. Number four, I agree to speak up if this isn't working for me versus pulling back, ghosting or disappearing. And number five, I agree to invest regular time in the process of getting to know you which looks like spending a couple of days a week together doing shared activities, hobbies, mutual interests, maybe spending time with family and friends, traveling together, teamwork, building skills both in our personal and professional life and intimacy, both physical and emotional intimacy. 90% of men will bail because there are thousands of women who will have sex without any commitment or agreement whatsoever. In fact, if you all women band together and put your chastity belts on you could solve this problem in the next 90 days but in the meantime, try this. I have clients and women emailing me all the time saying, Jonathan, thank you for giving me, for drawing attention to me the importance of being empowered, being empowered, standing in your power because look, it's a fucking shit show out there. It's a fucking mess. And the sad reality is 80% of you aren't gonna get a guy. It's an 80% of guys aren't gonna get the girl or they're gonna have temporary short-lived experiences. We are seeing these days multiple, multiple relationships for people after they've gone through divorce. So why I created my coaching program is to help you sift through the 80 that aren't good candidates. By the way, schedule a call with me if you wanna learn how to do that. We work, we create questions based on your personality to determine if they're a good fit for you because let's read what this mug says is. Sometimes you forget you're awesome and this is your reminder. I wanna remind you that you have to choose you in this process and stop being cavalier and naive. That is the reason why it takes intentionality and this might seem intense but you don't have time to fuck around. The days in front of you are much shorter than the days behind you. Get busy living or get busy dying. That's my message to you all. All right, I think you got the gist of where I'm going. The seven signs, it's over for him. Run now is my suggestion. All right, I'd like to hear your thoughts on this. Please post a comment below if this resonated with you. Hit the like button, share this video, subscribe to my channel if you're brand new to my channel. I'd be so grateful. Check out all the links below as well. This is time for our Q and A. For those that are on the live stream, if you know my format, if you have a question in the chat box, write the word question then post the question thereafter or you can purchase a Super Sticker Super Chat. All of the monies from the Super Sticker Super Chat goes to a scholarship fund in the name of my son Connor Asley. That's a picture of him right there. He passed away almost four years ago and in his honor, I decided I created a fund to donate to causes like the Hoffman Process Insight Institute and to help those defray the cost of personal development for them. So I'd be honored to use the little dollar sign in the chat box and if you're listening to the audio recording for this, no worries. There's a, you could send in a donation. You can find me on PayPal. You can find me on Venmo if you'd like to send a donation. All right, let's jump in and take questions. What do we have here? Does anyone have any thoughts on dating as the new form of therapy? Let's talk about that. All right, happy girl says, question, what did I miss in a nutshell? Sorry, late to the party. I need a more specific question. I'm not gonna repeat all this. You can come back and watch the replay. All right, Celeste Gilles says, thank you, happy girl, by the way. Celeste says, question, what do I do if the guy I'm dating will not allow me to break up with him? He's stopping by my house and using other apps to talk to me. You can block him from your life. You can contact the police and put in a restraining order. You can, I mean, that's the two things. Go to the police and get a restraining order and block him on all, by the way, these days you can easily block people. So, you can easily block people. Or and get a restraining order. That would be my suggestion for you. All right, hope that helps. Thank you so much. All right, Brenda says, how do you weed out the guys that want a therapist rather than sharing? It takes, this is where my private coaching comes in. Again, schedule a discovery call with me to see if working with a coach is right for you. This is a more complicated question. One of the things I do in my coaching is something called radical honesty, pre-qualifying your prospects. So, that's something we go into my coaching practice a little bit more deeper. So, all right, let's see what other questions we have. Let's see, let's just keep swimming, just keep swimming, just keep swimming. By the way, Lulu says, Jonathan is Friday night therapy. Thank you so much, I appreciate that, Sandra. All right, do we have any more questions? Oh, Kimberly's in the house. Well, we're gonna take Michelle's question first. Question, he said he needed time to deal with his past pains and losses. How long do I give him? He proposed we stay platonic friends for now. It's not about giving him time, Michelle. It's not about giving him time, you don't give him time. What you do is go live your life. And I would say the average man needs somewhere between two to 15 years to get through the tunnel. Now, Allison Armstrong, who's got something called the PACS program talks about something called the tunnel. And the tunnel is that space when a man goes through midlife crisis, when a man is going through midlife crisis, if he's not actively seeking therapy, if he's not doing personal development work, then it could take up to 15 years. I've been at this for 15 years. I'm still just getting out of the tunnel and I do a shitload of personal development work. So do you wanna wait 15 years? Do you wanna wait two years? Or do you just wanna go ahead and live your life and let him go? The fact that you're even contemplating him means he has your power. Take back your power, put yourself out in the dating marketplace and go find someone who is emotionally healthy enough to be in a relationship. And again, it could take two to 15 years is pretty much traditional. In two years, if he's doing intense, intense work, which I highly doubt, the average person does about this much work in their introspection and personal development. So that's my suggestion for you, Michelle. Does that help? I hope it does. All right, Kimberly's in the house. Question, would you feel comfortable dating a girl that comes from a billionaire family or would you be intimidated or uncomfortable? So I've dated two women that have worth well over $30 million. And mostly inherited money. Actually, one of them inherited 10 million and then she parlayed that by another 20 million. She's just a brilliant business person. I really adore her. I adore both. I was never intimidated by the money, but money can be a very sticky thing. Sticky thing? It could be a very complicated thing in relationships. So no. Fuck, I'd love to date a billionaire. I mean, isn't Jeff Bezos' wife's available? Fuck, I would love to fly on private jets and sleep in gorgeous private islands. I mean, I am not intimidated by whatsoever. Now, if she expected me to pay for everything, we got a little bit of problem, but I have no problem whatsoever dating someone who's a billionaire. I think it'd be fucking cool. My big crush is, oh God, what's her name? Oh God, I just went Kate Beckinsdale. And I looked and I think she's worth about 80 to 100 million. So I'm cool with that too. So anyway, Kimberly, thanks for your question. I appreciate that. Not intimidated whatsoever. I think it'd be fucking fun. All right, I saw Patricia had a question, okay. Or Pamela, excuse me. Question, what if he runs away but comes back, doesn't show any of the seven signs? We don't have sex. I have straight up asked him if he's seeing and dating anyone else. He said, no, have been to his house. Well, what about it? I mean, what do you wanna know? I mean, should you invest in it? You know, you gotta go with your gut here. If you have not, okay, look, number one, don't give your power away to him. Number two, if he wants your vagina, then read this book together to determine if you guys are a fit for one another. That's my invitation for you. By the way, there's another book. This is a book by the owner of E-Harmony or the founder of E-Harmony. The book is called Two Dates. It's by Neil Clarkmore. Not that I'm endorsing E-Harmony. But what I like about this book is it really, it talks about the importance of compatibility. Most of you guys are delusion, not delusional. You're in a fantasy because you believe chemistry equals relationship success instead of understanding that shared values, blendable lifestyles and emotional maturity is the most important thing. So how do you determine his emotional maturity? You start reading these books together before he gets to fuck you again to determine if he's legit. That's what you do. Is this sinking in? Is this resonating? Please let me know. Hit that thumbs up. Pamela. Hey, sweetheart. Question, since I've ghosted my ex, he's now inviting me to go places with him. Once again, this is not a question. Folks, one of the things that piss men off is when you say you're gonna ask a question and then you don't ask a question. This pisses this guy off, okay? God, ladies. All right. Brenda says, okay, thanks. You're welcome. Heather's in the house. Oh, is this a question? Oh, that wasn't a question, excuse me. Corny Cobb has a question. Question, do you think attractive people are more likely to be users or spenders or do they get used by one? That's an interesting question. I think the benefit of being an attractive person is you get more options than the unattractive person. That's probably one of the benefits. I think, I'm gonna be candid with you. Weak people get used. Weak people get used. I know a lot of drop dead gorgeous bitches why men love bitches and they don't get used because they are in their empowerment. When you are in your power, you can't get used. It doesn't matter if you're drop dead gorgeous or I was gonna pick on an actress but I won't go down that road. So that's my opinion on that. Does that sink in? I hope so. All right. Thanks for your question, Corny. All right, let's see. Don't forget, write the word question then post the question there after KK writes. Question, I'm great at giving authentic attention. I'm cynical when others give it to me. Is there a balance to understanding the difference? I'm great at giving authentic attention. I'm cynical. So there's most likely a wound in your life that makes it difficult for you to receive love. And if you're incapable of receiving love then on some level there's an imbalance most likely that you're giving because you're avoiding receiving. This is just my rough psycho pseudo psychology right here. Now I know you don't agree with me. You probably have a different perspective on this but I would say that you definitely have, I suspect you have a hard time receiving there's probably a wound of abandonment in your life or a fearful avoidant going on in your fearful avoidant attachment style possibly which maybe you could be anxious as well but it's easier to give than to receive. It's, you know, we've often heard it's better to give than receive but the reason why people give is because they have a hard time receiving and ultimately you're gonna have a difficulty being in any relationship until you heal the wound go back to the root, heal the wound of what causes it makes it difficult for you to give. That's my invitation for you. All right, thank you for your question KK. Deborah, question. I understand all the principles involved in a successful relationship. There just aren't any suitable candidates to pick from at least in my experience in my age group. Okay, once again, this isn't a question but I'll extrapolate from this. Oh wait, there aren't any to pick from. Again, that's not a question. So first off, is that true? There's absolutely zero people to choose from. I'd like to think I'm worthy. Okay, so now there's at least one and I know dozens of men in just my general vicinity. I know dozens of men that are suitable candidates and that's just in my general vicinity. So what is blocking you from seeing that? Maybe your standards are too high. Maybe you have impossible standards that a man can't meet. That could be possibly it's or it could be that you're running in. By the way, remember I said before 80% of the population is dysfunctional and most everybody thinks they're in the 20% maybe you included. So stop, here's the thing. If I all of a sudden start saying, if I said all of a sudden, you know, silver Mercedes Benz, silver Mercedes Benz and you started to drive all of a sudden you start seeing silver Mercedes Benz. So maybe your psyche is you don't see it because it's not in your consciousness. So how about trying this? There is an abundance of suitable candidates for me to be in relationship. There's an abundance of suitable candidates for me to be in relationship. It's raining suitable candidates, raining great men, it's raining great men. Does anyone know the song, it's raining men? It's raining great men. Change your narrative and you'll start seeing more of that. Got it, Deborah. All right. Wow, got lots of questions. All right, bear with me, everyone. FL says, it's annoying for me too when people put a question and then make a statement. Exactly, you ladies drive me fucking nuts. And you wonder, listen, I'm sorry to call you out on this ship, but you wonder why we men have a challenge with you because you don't get to the fucking point. We men like women that start with the point. Then you can give us the fucking story that goes after that. But you guys bomb at all this shit. And then you wonder why guys don't wanna be with you. All right, thank you, AFL. Question from Lisa. Why do guys not like a label or relationship? He got divorced at the end of 2020 and has issues communicating with his kids. We've been seeing each other since November because he uses that as an excuse because you're not the one. You're not the one. You're just, look it, coming back my spender. Okay, ladies, users, spenders, growers, spenders, they seek connection, companionship, coupling and sex, no direction, uncertainty, fearful, usually have a dysfunctional life. He's just spending time with you. He gets your vagina for free. He doesn't have to buy the cow. He doesn't have to lease the cow. He doesn't even have to go to the farm. He doesn't even have to pick the weeds from the farm. He gets all his milk for free because you're allowing a spender to get the cookie, as Steve Harvey would say. So stop giving the cookie and you might see a shift. But let me tell you something, it's bullshit. Any guy that says I don't like labels, it's because you're not the one. Believe me, folks, you know, I've recently met someone in a long distance and I like her and I'm exploring it. I'm declaring that I like her. I'm declaring I'd like to explore something with her. And if we agree to it, I would call her my girlfriend happily. I don't like labels. That's like, that means I don't like labels simply means you're not the one. I'm sorry, this is tough medicine. I'm giving you a hug because this sucks, but that's what that means. It's bullshit. And part of this bullshit is because he's going through dysfunctionality so he doesn't have a good foundation underneath him to even be in relationship. And by the way, the average woman waits five years waiting for a dysfunctional man to grow up and then the relationship is over. So cut your losses. All right. I'll call him on your behalf. Hire me as a coach. I'll get on the phone. I'm your big brother. I'm gonna say, look motherfucker, what are you doing here? You get the vagina for free, but you're not gonna give her the label of girlfriend. That's fucking bullshit. Should I come over and kick your ass now? I would do that ladies. I would actually do that for you as part of my coaching. Corny Cobb says, personal questions. Do you have any favorite family recipes to share? Would you ever do a cooking live stream? So folks, thank you for that question. There's a picture of my mom and dad. That was when they were in their 20s. My parents were married 66 years before my mother passed away four years ago. Oh God, five years ago now. I miss her cooking. I miss my mom's cooking. She, my heritage is Turkish. Both of my parents were from Istanbul, Turkey. And I haven't had a good Turkish meal in five years. And I miss her, I miss her Doma. I miss her Muzvir. I miss her, oh God. God, they all escape me right now cause I'm emotional over this. I just miss my mom's cooking. Tomato rice was one of my favorites. Potla John was one of my favorites. And I miss my mom's cooking because she cooked with love. I mean, for her, how she demonstrated love was through food. And so she didn't have recipes. She just closed her eyes and put shit in a pan and it would just taste fantastic. So you brought back a lot of memories for me. I miss her cooking. Durner Kebab, there was Kebab. There was, I said Doma. I said, I didn't like, I wasn't a big Baklava fan or anything like that. So anyways, thank you for that. And so I don't know how to cook any of her recipes. She never taught me. No, I would not do a cooking show by the way. Question, I was told on a date that I was perfect but after we found we had a lot in common, he said at the end of the date, we're not compatible. What happened here? Well, I don't get the butt. He told me it was perfect. We have a lot in common and at the end of the date, we're not compatible. You know what? That was his just way of saying, you're not the one. Listen folks, it's interesting. Remember I talked earlier about post-nut clarity? You know, after we ejaculate, how we really feel about a person really starts to surface. And his reason for non-compatibility, what I'm getting at, what I was getting at, what I'm about to say is feelings aren't facts. Feelings aren't facts. And the hard part in the dating process is sometimes when you like someone, it's hard to quantify. It's not like I've talked to so many women say to me, Jonathan, this guy is great on paper. We're so compatible, but I don't feel something for him. The bottom line is this. Sometimes we like people for reasons we don't understand. Sometimes it's love attachment. Sometimes it's a mago. Sometimes it's biological. It's chemical. It's hormonal. But the end of the day, sometimes it's a non-quantifiable feeling. And he's just cutting his losses because he's not feeling it for you. So that's why it's chemistry, shared values, blendable lifestyles and emotional maturity that takes a relationship to the next level. And sometimes we roll, the dating process is the roll of a dice. It's roll of the dices. And there's no guarantee with it. But thank you for your question. I really appreciate that one, Karen. That was a good one. All right. Payment says, question. What's your advice on a lady who's still Virgin 39 realistically high standard, realistic high value standard has been dating online for three years, no luck on a healthy committed so far, unfortunately. Oh, that's a good one. So sex is part of the decision-making process for commitment for about 99% of men is my instincts. So you're going to literally have to find a man. Wait, what's your question? Oh, well, no, your question wasn't about marriage. I messed this one up. So you have realistic high standards, been dating online. You know what? Do a better job of pre-qualifying people, number one. Yeah, just do a better job of pre-qualifying. You know what, ultimately it's going to take a better job of pre-qualifying their emotional maturity. And ultimately it's about building trust with each other. It's about building trust. So what is trust? Trust isn't just about fidelity. Trust is, does this person care about my feelings as much as my own? Does this person have my best interest in hand as much as my own? That's trust. So trust is built through social activities, hobbies, mutual interest. Let me repeat that. Trust is built through social activities, hobbies, mutual interests, spending time with family and friends. Folks, you should be reading this book, Talking to Strangers, Talking to Strangers by Malcolm Gladwell. When you're meeting total strangers, it requires a different element of understanding to really get to know a person. It takes a minimum of 100 hours of face-to-face time just to build the first layer of trust. So my invitation for you is to have more radically honest conversations with people because the only way you're gonna build trust is through, excuse me, build that level of trust or safety is what we're really talking about to feel safe, is to really get to know each other beyond the, how's your day going? Did you have a good day? I hope you had a good day. By the way, how was your day? Have a nice day. Everybody's so focused on the day and not about what's going on here. At least that's my invitation for you. Roman, thank you. Payman, thank you so much for that question. I really appreciate it. All right. Ah, God, we have a lot of questions tonight. I'm gonna try to rapid-fire it. Question, what do you suggest with hot and cold behavior with someone who you've been friends with and he's expressed his love but doesn't take the relationship to the next level? Karina, are you having sex with him? If you're having sex, that is the next level. By the way, hot and cold is usually a sign of dysfunctionality going on in his life. So the ground underneath him probably isn't solid and you're like, well, I'm an enabler. I'm gonna help him through his tough times. I'll be there for his tough times and I'm gonna hope that magic fairy dust will change everything. Karina, first off, until the next level is the dating vow. If he hasn't made a vow to you, then he shouldn't get your vagina. And by the way, if his behavior is hot and cold, it's because he's just not that into you enough. I'm sorry, men who are emotionally mature have good relationship skills don't act hot and cold. We all have temporary schizophrenia, okay? We have temporary brain farts, okay? I'm not talking about that. I'm talking inconsistent behavior is from people that don't have a good foundation underneath them and they're using you as their therapist, as I said in the beginning of this broadcast. So why are you sticking it out with someone? And by the way, what is the... Well, the other thing is I need to know is what is the next level for you? But anyway, I hope I've given you some insight on that question. I'm basically answering that for everybody. So thank you. Juliet says, question. What do you do when he says it's not great timing for him because things are weird in the world? He's terrified of falling in a relationship again. He's an INTJ. I'm an ENFP. You know what you say to him? You don't get my vagina. You don't get my vagina. You don't get my vagina until you figure your shit out and you move on Juliet to a guy who isn't so freaking freaked out about what's going on in the world. Like, and if you're so freaked out on what's going on in the world, then go become a volunteer. You know, fly out to the Ukraine and take a gun and go help people become a volunteer if you're so worried about what's going on in the world. Because if you're not worried, if you're not focused on your own world, you can't, it's like the oxygen mask. You can't help others until you help yourself. So dude, if you wanna go fix the problems of the world, become a politician maybe, go do something. But watching TV and being so obsessed with what the fuck's going on in the world is the definition of insanity. Because if you're not solving the problem, then stop bitching about the problem. By the way, I'm projecting and going off on one of my usual rants, so. But then take the vagina off the table, so to speak. Does that help Juliet? I hope so. All right, queen says, question. What's your opinion on a dating couple from different cultures in relationship? Do they work long-term? Emotional maturity, blendable lifestyles, shared value in chemistry. You have that, it doesn't matter what. I mean, unless your cultures make your values different, makes your lifestyles different, and makes your emotional maturity different, absolutely. Look at my heritage is Turkish and the woman I'm, looks like I might be dating is from Columbia, big time different cultures. So it's, and I don't think it's gonna be a problem because we operate as emotional grown-ups. By the way, if you operate as an adult in a relationship, if you operate as an adult in a relationship, you have a greater chance of success. By the way, all the books I recommend are listed below. All right, thank you for your question. Oh, wow, woof. Mary Ann says, personal question. You seem really revved up on what's going on. I'm going out to dinner with my friends tonight and I'm excited. Listen, I'm revved up because I said this earlier. I look at all of you as a bunch of children, the way you date and the way you operate in the world. And I act very parental and I just happen to be a boisterous parental person. Now that must mean that I, listen, there's a bit of righteousness going on with me. I get that. I can be a little bit of a righteous son of a bitch, but I'm just a provocateur. I'm a wake-up call. What do I do in every video? I bring to your attention shit so you can do personal development work. Why do I always recommend the book, the Hoffman process, the Hoffman process to do a deep dive into healing, childhood wounds and traumas and adult traumas that cause human beings to be dysfunctional? Why do I yell and scream? It's because it's time to make changes in your life. And if you are making the changes, Bravo! Bravo! And if you wanna change your love life, schedule a discovery call with me, join my group. Let's connect. I can make a difference. I gotta tell you, I get calls every week from a client who's worked with me. Jonathan, I met a great guy. Jonathan, I met a great guy. Jonathan, I met a great guy and they know the difference. Anyway, that's why I'm revved up. So thank you. Kitty cat says, Jonathan, we love how you say it as it is. Thank you. Mimi says, there's nothing wrong with being passionate. Joy says, Columbia, yeah, super sweet, great fun couple. We'll see. She's definitely got my attention, that's for sure. All right. Jean says, men have relationship tactics down and unfortunately we're not focused on the game plan. No, that's not true. Men are dysfunctional and you guys just allow it. That's the big problem. Hey, we just got a super sticker. Thank you so much for the super sticker, 9.99. Many thanks, Jonathan, have done all the work and read most of the books you recommend. Advice from other coaches. By the way, my heritage is Turkish. My Fulbright MA in Middle Eastern cuisine, Mersin. Marabbat, Nusselson, E. Gagellar. Chok deteshe kuradam. Thank you so much. All right, folks. I think this would be a great place to wrap up for today. Listen, you want some support, check out a link to a discovery call with me. Check out my membership group. Hit that like button if you're brand new to my channel and you got this far subscribed to my channel. I hope you've gotten value on this, folks. If you've gotten value from the work I share, please let me know. All right, I'm gonna wrap up this video as I always do. First off, give myself a big gigantic Jonathan Barrett of self love. I'm gonna reach into the camera and give you a hug of love. I'm gonna ask you to turn to someone, a pet, a teddy bear pillow, and give Iter them a hug of love because hugs are a great source of love. And let's face it, we could all use more love in our lives. I wanna thank Kitty Cat and Karen and Appel and Joy and Mary Lou. And I can't pronounce your name. Hyman and Beautiful and Mary Ann and Brenda and Mimi and Sandra and Glenn and Jim and Jean and Ava and Juliet and gosh. And Rihanna says, Jonathan, I love when you yell. Thank you so much, I appreciate that. Folks, wishing you a super duper, wonderful, fantastic evening. Be well, take care. Have fun tonight.