 HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH Come smells like shit cause you've been fuckin' asses again? Are we live man? Yeah, sorta. Alright, well episode number 17. Alright, if the marty and Michael are fully actual podcast. We're nearly halfway through the season and we are in Michael's shithole. Your fucking shithole house. Oh, here comes Bozzie. Ooh, here he comes. Bozzie, um, has... He's had a rough morning. He's going to bed. Good boy, Dolan. I woke up and he was really dizzy. Just kept like falling to the side and was a bit lethargic and no appetite either, Matt. And he was drooling a lot, but he's improved remarkably until then. So I'm gonna wait and see to the morning, all right? See what happens with that because he's just eaten his dinner. So that's a great sign. Yeah, it is, Matt. What would have you done if Bosley died today? Oh, I'd be a tough day. What meal would have you eaten for dinner? Would it have changed? Yeah, no, it would have changed. No, no, I would have said the same. Oh, it should change, I think. I think it should definitely change. I think it'd be a depression food. So I'd go straight for a pizza or something. Yeah, well, it could be a KFC day. Yeah, it could be a, yes, it could definitely be a KFC. I'd probably just load up, aye. Get the fucking loaded up, count. Oh. Well, so you just go full straight for like class A drive. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, shit. Oh man, you would get, yeah, you'd be down in the dumps. I'll be having a fucking party, though, I'll tell you what. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, well, I guess it'd be a dark party, but you'd get into it because you'd have to. And I'd dance with his corpse and shit. Oh, stop this. I would seriously watch that. I'd make a music video to the song My Heart Will Go On with Bosley's corpse. Would you taxidermy him? Oh, no, no, no, no, no. Too far? No, I'd just have him until he, Rigor Mortis had set in and he was so stiff, it was impossible to handle. And then I just put him in the Brisbane River. How long? So it'd be like two days. You'd have two days with him before he'd start to stink. Oh, yeah. I don't want to talk about this anymore. Even in joke form. Even in joke form, it hurts me, all right? And I've just come from my sauna and I'm here to relax. Yeah, so you'd have a different meal. It's safe to say a different dinner. 100%, 100%. Sorry. What else do we need to talk about? We're very busy this week. We're trying to film 11 videos in total. 11. Do you understand? I don't know. You don't get it, Matt. We're doing it because we're trying to get it. I'm on one a week every week. We're trying to get a head on content. Why? So that then we can concentrate on better shit. We don't have to constantly make fucking weekly videos. It is relentless. And I am like, I am fucking... We've posted a video every week to the website for nearly three years straight. My body hurts, Matt. You know what I mean? It's just outrageous. Anyway, that's why we're a bit flat. And... Working. No, I think we're good. The outfits are saving us. Yeah, you're right. What outfits? Oh, yeah, you cow out, Finn. Anyway. That's what Matt wears. Yeah, true. We were saying he looks like a, yeah. He's a new wholesome uniform. A soccer coach. We forgot Michael's Bible last week. Oh, yeah. We were just too high. We genuinely forgot about that. And we also noticed the... We didn't give an explanation of why the billboard prank call guide didn't come through. Basically, I forgot to put my phone on private, called him with my phone number, and then I was like, fuck. I can't call him 30 seconds later off a private number because then he'll put two and two together and know that it was me. And he did try and call me the next morning. I took his calls. Twice, Matt. I took his calls from him. So he tried to call. So I think, fuck, it's on private. So we'll try again tonight, okay? It'll be Ronda wanting some billboard advertisement for a new Shiraz. One of her friend's wineries has got a new Shiraz. I can't wait. Ronda's great. Michael, you wanna wait? Michael had some time away. Yeah, Karumbin with Amber. That's where I grew up. 10 out of 10. Yeah, holy shit, we went past and I was like, this is where Matt grew up. And... What? Did you ever go to the Bird or Wildlife Sanctuary? Yeah, the Bird Sanctuary. What's that? We probably crossed paths from little little boys and little browns. Maybe. Because I went there as a little girl too. Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait. Matt was never a little boy. Be worlds across the road. Yeah, true. You're like some dark, mist spirit. Yeah, I just had an age, but... He's from another planet. Oh, that's like 170 something. Yeah, roughly. Roughly. Always forget, I just think you're the same. And yeah. Anyway, fuck. All right, well, very good. It was a very nice trip away. That's nice. And that's shit talk. We're also trying to lock in a date for our alien hunting. What else exciting is happening? Oh, yeah. You'll know by this time, by the time this podcast comes out, but we're in a conundrum. We want to go. We've been invited to this red carpet event in Sydney. Chris Hemsworth got a new movie coming out on Netflix, right? No, well, look, these are the things, right? It's on Saturday. It's a red carpet event. And we've never really been to one like a proper one. So we want to go dressed as red carpet and just sort of vlog it a little bit. But the thing is there's no flights from Sydney to Brisbane that night. So we'd have to stay the night, which I know sounds like obviously you'd think you'd stay the night. OK, we will. All right, it's decided. We're going to Sydney. But do you think Chris Hemsworth will walk over us, Brown? What, literally walk over you? Red carpet on the red carpet. And we're thinking about bringing signs that say Thor. But instead of Thor, it's T-H-A-W. And have like sausages. Yeah, sausages underneath it. But this is you, your Thor. That's what you're doing right now, idiot. And nail him like that. And then be like, well, you're not even dressed as red carpet. Didn't you hear? It's a red carpet themed event. Well, we can just start yelling out like Miley Cyrus. That's his brother's. I know, he's like, why the fuck are you guys saying that? So. And then we could make, you know, and we might meet some important people there, too. You just never know. So we're tossing it up. We think that we could get a funny vlog out of it, but we just, we don't know. I think everyone but Chris will walk over you. I reckon he'll want to and he'll go to do it. And then his publicist will be like, and just grab you and move on. That's what I picture happening. Oh, okay. You've been in contact with him. Do you know him? You know where he lives in Byron. I do. You've been up the driveway. You've been looking through the windows. Your friend hangs out with you. You stalk Chris Hemsworth. Seriously, he's being to his house at Byron Bay and and who's my friend? And English and Billy Stone with their two. And he saw them there. You remember who I'm talking about? Don't pretend like you're a fucking idiot. You've been on the podcast. Hey. Anyway, cut that. I've not. What? Who are you talking about? He just got lied to, Brown. Oh, no, that was silly. He fully believed another lie. But Aaron knows Engels and Julius Stone. Yeah, I know. That's what I did. Yeah, yeah. Do you know that? Yeah. How do you know that? I just don't know it. You don't know that. Look at Matt. Lie, lie, lie. What is real? What is not? You know, there's not real green screens, Matt. There's pictures on them. Turn around and have a look. See? See what you're looking at? We should have an animated black book soon, too. Another one. We're getting one done. It's been. You haven't told anyone that yet. Yeah, I know. Are we making that? We get a physical copy of it. No, no, we're just going to animate one of the black book entries. And it was the one where Matt had the girlfriend, that one. We're going to animate it. And that should be out. That should be done soon. Oh, I don't know if that's a good one to do. That's the one where it's like. Yeah, it's very graphic. So I don't know if we'll be able to post it to YouTube. It could be for website or only fans. Both. Both. Yeah, fuck it. And then maybe Brown would sign. Yeah, you could watch it. But we've already done some short ones of the old cricket, the old brown ringworms. Is there anything else we needed to talk about? Oh, yeah, by the way, if you don't know this, we are running a comment competition on this podcast. At the end of the season, we will pick one. Any random comment on this, all of this season's episodes, we'll pick one and that person will win $1,000. Oh, sponsors, too. The more comments you put in, right? The more chances you have of winning. So if you comment once, OK, if you comment 10 times, now your chances have been times by 10 times and you can win $1,000. So just bear that in mind. What happened? We've communicated somehow what we did. Sponsor. All right, well, let's let's move right along to sponsors. And the first sponsor we have is manscaped.com. A fucking male grooming fest. All right, go there manscaped.com. They've got they've got body spray. They got shavers. They got all sorts of cool shit. All right, I don't need to sit here and tell you all of the products that they have. Just believe us that they're good and go to manscaped.com and use our discount code fully actual 20. OK, fully actual 20 for 20 percent off your entire purchase. That's crazy shit. The body wash is delightful. And these have some of the best raises money can buy. OK, and they will last you a good long time and they come in a pretty little box. No, no, there's a nose thing. Yeah, the nose thing is good. Have we got a hair sticking out of my nose at the moment? Yeah. Oh, no, you've done all right. Yeah, yeah, because of that. Holy shit, because of that. He used to seriously come down to my lip. Very German protection. They come down to my lip to stop flies from coming out of my mouth. It keeps them in my mouth. He can't you. It's like a. I get entangled into the house. Oh, we met Marty's dad today. He's going to be in a video soon. Holy shit, it was. Yeah, he's filming a good do filming a website via. Oh, anyway, manscape.com. Oh, yeah, I'd fully actual 20. Fucking go and have a look because we use their shit. And so should you. What's the code again? Fully actual 20. Nord VPN. Do you understand? These are our second sponsors. And let me tell you, Nord VPNs. Matt, spell it, Matt V. V what's the key pronounce it again? Nord VPN. Sorry, so V it's VPN. I'm spelling it out. VPN, that's the spelling. OK, my God, can't VPNs are so vital in today's day and age. With your busy hectic lifestyles, you forget to put proper security on your devices, you dickhead. And now, boom, you've been scammed. Governments watching your every move. And guess what? Now you don't have any money, fucking pig. Your wife's going to leave you. Get Nord VPN by going to Nord VPN dot com slash fully actual. The link will be in the description for YouTube. All right. If you don't have if you're listening on Spotify, Nord VPN dot com slash fully actual. OK, use our code fully actual to get a huge discount off your Nord VPN plan plus one additional month for free. Plus the best thing of all is you get a bonus gift. OK, you get a fucking gift. It's $3.35 a month for a two year plan. 335 is that's not much money, Matt Brown. Do you know how long two years is? That's half a monthly subscription to our site. It's heaps. So I reckon everyone get Nord VPN dot com slash fully actual. And you get a bunch of other cool shit. OK, it's 335 a month or like $5 a month for if you go on the yearly plan. It's fucking like it helps. It's free. It helps. It's free. Yeah. Well, it's like if you have a coffee a day, I don't know. It's not it's less than a coffee a day. All right, sort of free. We'll say look, instead of having a large coffee, have a medium coffee once a month. And that's your Nord VPN paid for. It's the same thing for security. And you get to watch entertainment from all over the world. American Netflix, UK Netflix, all of the streaming services. No longer do you have to live there to see them? You can now see them from Australia. Fuck. It's not it's great. Nord and Manscaped, they're our mates. We you. Yeah, we we do know them. No, we do. We do. I chat to them via emails. I'm sorry. It's Kyle. And I escaped. We're going out on Sunday with him. Kyle from Manscaped and there's. Sorry. Geocomo from Nord VPN. Geocomo. Please don't laugh at his name. Please don't laugh at his name. I'll get the email out. I'll show you. I'm not I'm not like you guys are making it so much. It probably is a real name. Yeah, I forgot. He's going to look Geocomo. Thanks, Martin. Geocomo. Oh, my God, sorry, dude. That's thank you, Geocomo. You're doing a great job with us. Fuck you, Matt Brown. That was my I sort of paid that out to Geocomo and Kyle legends. All right. And our third and final sponsor is, of course, the University of Markle, right, where there are over 200 of our videos where we have put our blood, sweat and tears into literally and shit and vomit and piss and gollies. And it's just that Michael filled a bottle with gollies with flam over a course of six months and in a website video, he paused it on his head. That's willpower. That is fucked. There's no other word for it. That is fucking disgusting. If you want to see that shit, you can sign up for free for 21 days and see if you like the videos. Then after like, I don't know, maybe even two weeks, you could be like, oh, fuck, like, I didn't really like most of those videos. So I'm just going to cancel now and then boom. Now you know. Now you've been wondering, oh, fuck, is it worth it? Now you know for sure it's not. Or it could go the other way, Matt Brown, where you could laugh heartily at every video and then you think, do you know what? Do you know what? I want to stay on because I want to get one of these 30 to 40 minute, fucked up, awesome, funny videos every week for a massive laugh for $7.99 a month or $10 Australian a month. I think I appear in some of them. Yeah, Matt Brown's in some. Matt Brown doesn't pay for it though. He's breastfeeding right now. No, that's just... You're breastfeeding. You should sign up. That's our sponsors and if you can't support us in any of those other ways, I hate, I completely understand and I'm listening to you, okay? But maybe subscribe, like and comment. I don't know. Yeah, pause the video now. Write a comment, press the like. Let's see if we get any more engagement. Let's, I'm so sick of betting. What do we normally get? Look, on average in a week, our podcast, it varies from Spotify to YouTube as well. But on YouTube, we get like maybe like 800 likes in a week on a new podcast and the most impressive thing about our podcast community is the fucking comments. We get like 800 comments as well every week. Yeah, well, that's nice. But let's see if we can up it. People are chatting. People are chatting away and it's great. We love it. Actually, yeah, thank you. Remember when we did the old Q&As with Debonair Fox? They'd always have a really small amount of views but like a large amount of comments. So maybe whenever we do these types of content, people just like to comment. Yeah, maybe it's just more engagement. It makes me think, hey, why isn't YouTube showing this to more people because such a small amount of people see it and such a massive engagement, you think, oh, maybe other people would want to see this and shout to them, but that never happens for us because of the things that we say, and because of Matt Brown in particular and the things that he has done in his past, it cripples this podcast. So we rely on word of mouth. Why are you laughing like that? Huh? I'm sorry. Evil cunt. Ooh. That's how he laughs after victims strewn across the lawn. Yeah, more strewn. Oh, strewn. Flopped over the fence, impaled on the bank. Ha, ha, ha, ha. Bank. Actually Spotify has improved though. So yeah, Spotify has improved. Fuck an oath cunt. Fuck an oath cunt. Fuck an oath cunt. Fuck an oath cunt. Fuck an oath cunt. Fuck an oath cunt. Fuck an oath cunt. Hey, I had this idea for a segment idea. I've just written down, and I was high when I thought of this, and I think it's never as funny when you're not high. Do you know what I sort of mean there? Yeah. Calling friends and screaming. Oh, dude. Ha, ha, ha, ha. Just calling. Continuously screaming. Not one word is uttered. We're doing that to Greg tonight. Hey, let's map this out. Are you gonna, when do we hang up? Do we wait for the reaction? No, they hang up. They hang up. Do you have to scream until they hang up? What if they don't? Well, okay, we can cap it at five minutes. Greg will, I reckon it will be a minute and a half and he'll hang up. Should we do it in, like, you start, then you, then me? That way you guys get a break and we can keep going. One person, because then they don't know it's the podcast. Look, I feel like we need to practice this. I don't know if we should bring it out this episode, all right? I'm curious. Look, if you think this is a promising comment, promising segment, sorry, please let us know if you wanna do us to trial this segment next week. And we will get that done for you, baby. I can't stand up. I'll stand up and cheer. I'll definitely give it a go. Yeah, I'll have a go. All right, that's, I reckon we try it today. That's called Greg. We'll see how we feel. Let's test it with Greg. Cool Greg right now. He won't hang up though. I don't know if I have the energy for that type of screaming right now. That's why I wanna postpone it to next week. I can see that. I really, yeah, it takes a lot out of me. What if you don't have the energy next week? What? On this day, in 1967, a batch of legless horses were found in a field. They were just a torso and heads and their torsos would just sit on the ground while the head moved like it usually would. They even had tails which still flicked around. They were living, breathing horses just without any legs. It's believed they were an old breed of horse that's now extinct. But I say, fuck you to that. Well, that would be, imagine that would be shocking to come across as to torso like lying on the ground basically, I guess, and just without legs, but not, the legs haven't been cut off. They just don't have any. How do they get around? Exactly. That's what I said. I said that out loud. Imagine if they'd just been cut off. Yeah, you'd probably see the blood and shit. But yeah, apparently, yeah. Like a rare breed of horse. Holy shit. Would you even call it a horse? I think so, yeah. Yeah, it's still called a horse. Yeah. I've had to think about it. Yeah, it still classifies. It still meets the characteristics. So, yeah. It's agreed upon. It's agreed upon now that that's a horse snake. Oh, snake. Is it time for something so dark now? Well, how about this? Yeah, okay, let's do it. Fuck, no, wait. BONG! Break! And when we return, the black book will fill your soul. And we're back. All right. I have sitting in my lap, okay. Matt's little black book. And in this book, he has detailed every single girl. Or boy, or thing, or corpse, or animal that he has ever fucked. Himself ones. And he's numbered them in order, okay? So every week, we read out one of these entries and they will make you fuck. Is this one an ongoing chapter from last week? I'm just reading them in order now, yeah. So it's half number 54 or something. Yes, here we go. Like I genuinely get nervous before this. Do you understand that? Are you still struggling afterwards when reading? Dude, you know that I am. I don't sleep. I don't sleep after the black book. Okay, so if you remember last week, his brother was the judge overseeing his trial and his brother let him off as long as he was allowed to fuck him and he also tossed Matt off in the process. So Matt is now a free man, but he's no longer the alpha hava of the Brown family, which is causing some severe unrest. Dude, he's been sending me messages going on the alpha now. How's he on Instagram? So good as a Brown family. Quesans have been letting him have it. Mac Brown's the black book. Have number 54. Oh. Like now, like now, like now. Oh, I don't know about that. I woke up and glanced at the clock. 2 PM. It was my second day of freedom after narrowly avoiding jail time by letting my judge brother fuck me senseless. I had recovered from my ordeal physically, but I still felt flat, absent, numb. I was no longer my family's alpha hava and it was affecting my energy levels and state of mind. There was only one thing for it. I needed to get out of the house. I needed to go and have. It was time for me to groom myself. I showered, scratched the cheese out from in between my teeth and scrubbed my gills clean. Then I put a bandage around my ankle and headed to my favorite spot to pick up new haves, the emergency waiting room at hospitals. I arrived and noticed there was a few patients in on this night, which means longer waiting times, which means more time to hunt. I limped in and spoke to the triage nurse. I seem to have sprained my ankle quite badly. Can I have it looked at, please? Another sprained ankle, Mr. Brown. That's 15 sprained ankles in the last six months. Yes, I happen to be very clumsy. Well, you know the drill, Matt. Take a seat, and since your low priority, could be a few hours waiting, as you know. Mmm, perfect. Okay, go on, take a seat. Freak. I limped over to the other patients. There was a larger lady sobbing and cradling her dislocated knee. I considered starting my hunt on her. Then there was a tall hairy man who had vomited down his shirt, which I found quite sexy. But then I saw her. She stood out a weak, fragile little slut sitting on her own in the corner of the room. Our eyes met, and she smiled, which is basically consent. I limped over with my pretend sprained ankle and sat next to this beautiful female. She had short red hair, was quite thin, and was wearing jeans and a shirt. Pretty little face, though. Oh, you don't want to smear mints on it. Hey there, I am Matt Brown. Hey, Matt, I'm Claire. Pleasure meeting you, Claire. I reached my hand out, and we stared into each other's eyes. She shook my hand, and as she did, I savoured the feeling of her soft skin. As I caressed her hand, I felt myself wonder what it would feel like to shove her hands up my arse. So why are you here in emergency, Claire, if you don't mind me asking? No, it's fine. I've actually got epilepsy, and I've randomly had a seizure today. I haven't had one for a while, so I thought I'd better get it checked out. What about you? Did you break your ankle or something? No, it's just a sprained. Oh, no, that sucks. How'd you do that? I had not thought of a lie as to how I sprained my ankle. I had to think on my feet. Um, fuck off, I don't want to talk about it. Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you. No, it's fine, it's fine. Just don't ever ask me about my ankles. Then we spoke for hours. Conversation was flowing and getting deeper and deeper. We laughed together, and she even touched my leg. My skin was starting to oil, and my eyes started darting to down to her small breasts involuntarily. Excuse me, Claire. Oh, no, that fucking nurse had waddled over. Yes, that's me. Okay, great. Just letting you know that the doctor will see you next. Sorry for the wait. No, that's fine. Awesome, thank you. I mumbled and hissed and whistled under my breath at that loathsome cunt of a bitch nurse. She had just ruined my chance at a long of it you have. I had no time. I had to go for it now. Listen, Claire, I know it's only been a couple of hours, but I feel like we have a remarkably rare connection. I think if we don't act on this connection right now, we may regret it for the rest of our lives. What, Matt? What are you saying? I'm saying we should smush our privates together in the bathroom, right now. Claire stared at me in total shock. There was a long silence, and I thought I was about to be rejected. But then, I can't believe I'm saying this. Fuck it, let's do it. Ah! I screamed in disbelief, and all the other patients all jumped. I grabbed Claire's hand and led her to the closest disabled toilet. I locked the door behind us and turned to face my prize. I could feel my nipples expanding and creamy liquid cheese forming in my ass crack. We lunged at each other and started kissing. I grabbed her tongue with two fingers and sucked it like it was a lollipop. I grabbed her head and smushed it into my now fist-sized nipples. I tore her clothes from her and screamed at her naked body. I sat her on the sink and belched into her red pussy, then started licking her out like a thirsty lizard at a watering hole. Toad venom leached from my back as my lust intensified. I freeed my little brown and guided him straight into the one thing that gives my life purpose, pussy meat. The pleasure was immediate and my eyes rolled back in my head. I fucked like a high-speed sewing machine, then I vomited on her chest and started playing with it, slapping down on the pool of vomit while still thrusting forwards. I wanted to make this half-special and prove to myself that I will be the alpha-haver in my family again. My mince volcano was about ready to pop. Then I noticed the light switch next was on the wall. Then I had a thought. She is epileptic. I reached over and started turning the light off and on. Claire was enjoying the pounding I was delivering, but started squinting at the lights. I started fucking harder and switching the lights on and off faster and faster until it was just like a strobe light. Right before I started mincing, I looked at Claire's face and she started to seize as she unloaded into a full-blown seizure just as I started mincing. I feel her guts and cunt twist contort and tens around my exploding little brown and it is the most intense gum I have ever come. Seize your phone cascaded out of her mouth and I land down and slaughtered it all up. Her whole body seized in such a way that it was as if she was milking my soul. I finished coming and she finished seizing. I leave the light on in the on position as I detach my little brown from her. Mince gushes onto the floor and my legs shake with satisfaction. What the fuck? I'm so confused. I barely paid any attention to her as I pulled my pants up and did my belt. Matt, are you okay? Oh yeah, fine. Anyway, see you later. I leave the bathroom and walk out of the hospital no longer limping. I bounded home backwards with more power and agility than I had had for months. That brown is back, baby. Baby. Oh, shit. Oh, no. Oh, wow. You speak of the devils. You can't read that out. You fucking hell write that, Matt. That is in like. Is that wrong to do doing the light thing? I wonder what it would feel like being inside of someone while they have a seizure. If anyone has ever experienced that, please comment below and let us know what it's like. Obviously, if it was traumatic for you, don't worry about it, but just sorry. Matt had a seizure when he was a kid. Bullshit. At Palm Springs. Really? What was it like? What was it like, man? Did you have some sort of dysmorphia? No. What happened? I don't want to talk about it. Did you not have a seizure? Has Michael lied to me? Possibly, sorry. It is now a time for one of the greatest segments that has ever been invented. Sitting to our left, we have a very sad, lonely, all alone, pathetic man, Matthew Brown, and he has no idea how to find a partner. So Michael and I, being the beautiful friends that we are, have taken it upon ourselves to go out and single-handedly find him dates every single week with which he can have a phone date with. Do you understand? I can find dates. No, you can't, Matt. This one loves you. She said it today. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. So we are about to call a girl that we have pre-arranged that wants to have a phone date with Matt Brown and who knows? She could be your future wife. You fucking ungrateful cunt. He's date number 17 for you. This is going to be horrible. 17 opportunities. What have you done to it? 17. She loves you. She said, I think. What's her name? Sarah. 17 opportunities, right? Let's just get it done. How did it go from last week, by the way? Did you chat to her? Yeah, I'm still chatting with Amy. She's cool. She's actually really cool. So you are still chatting to her? Yeah, she's cool. So, OK, OK. There's no, like... There's no what, Matt? There's no dates or anything in the... But she's Brisbane girl, though. Yeah, yeah. Oh, she's like, she's more closer. Have you said anything flirty to her? Oh, yeah, I did. Oh! Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. What was it? Nothing, we're just, we're just... Anyway. Did you ask her, like, where she lived or something? No, no. She goes, she asked me what type of girls I was into, and because I replied to one of her stories and she was wearing a bean. Oh, Brown? And I said... And she goes, what type of girls you're into? And I said, and because she's a nurse, I said, I thought, well, I can't remember what I said. But I said, I said, oh, you know, girls that are into beanies with good sense of humour, because I said she has a good sense of humour. Oh, you're sweet. You were trying to get a fucking load off in her, and then did you? You love her. Well, this one sounds just... Top three-ish. That's top three-ish. Top three-ish. I reckon today's will be top three. Are you still talking to many of them? Not really. How many out of the 17 are you still talking to? And be honest, we're all, we're a family here. Two. Like, two? Two. That's still, that's a third. You can make the third today. It's hard to find someone. I understand that. No, no, just... I understand. Like, talking online is so hard. What do you call them? FaceTime them? No, no, no. You can go into the metaverse with them. Why don't you do that tonight? I'll set you up. I'll set you up from Oculus's. Well, that's why we've got top three people coming at the end of the season. So you can see them physically. But that's not going to happen. No, I don't want that. You're just nervous and shy, which is normal, OK? But we're here to help. That's what you keep fucking forgetting. We will walk you through everything. If you're having a tough time, just grab my hand and say, Marty, I'm nervous and I'll fucking make you feel better. I'll help, too. Fuck! It's all we're here for. All right, here we go. So this is... Sarah. Sarah. Get ready, Matt. Get ready, Matt. Shut up, Matt. Get ready. Don't do anything stupid. None of your fucking dumb humming. Hello? Oh, hello there. Am I speaking with Sarah? Is that correct? Ah. Oh, Sarah, we are so happy to have you on. You are currently on the Marty and Michael fully actual podcast, which is actually the best fucking podcast in the whole world. Oh, my God. I know it is. I'm a big fan. It's a big deal. And right next to us. Oh, my God. We have a very shaky, large man called Matthew Gregory Brown. Oh, a lot. A lot, man. He's so thick. He's a thick, red boy, quivering with nerves right now. Quivering with nerves. I like the sound of that. And Matt would love nothing more than to just have an opportunity to get to know you a little bit and see if there's a connection, a spark there. And maybe you guys are meant to be together. I'll leave it over to you, Matt. Good luck, Matt. You can do this, Matt. Matt, confidence. Remember, confidence. Come on, Matt. Chicks love confidence. Here we go. What have you got? Hey, Sarah. Oh. This never gets any easier. Go, you did good last week. Don't go worse. Try to play hard to get the fuck off or something. No, I can't because she already sounds cool. And I'm not. Don't be so hard to get that. Tell us. Tell us something bad. Like what? Just be a bit mean to it. Anyway, hey, Sarah, how are you? I'm good. How are you, Matt? Good. Say whatever. Whatever. Where abouts you from? I'm from the Gold Coast. Another Goldie. The Gold Coast. That's only an hour away for everyone at home. An hour's drive. A quick hour drive. But it's 15 minutes, Matt, bounding backwards. Oh, she'll pick you up. You don't have to drive that. That's good for Matt because he's like to drive. I'm from the Gold Coast. I grew up there. Oh, look at all the things you guys have in common. It's always location fucking chances that you guys have so much in common. That's crazy. Oh, did you grow up in the Gold Coast? Look at Matt. He's going on. He's always Gold Coast with Matt. Because he grew up there. Say something. Ask her something else. Talk about Queensland's history. Play hard to get. Oh, I don't know any. Oh, man, man. Come on, man. James Corkins shit. Ask her out. I'm impressing you do intelligence. Ask her out on a date. Tell her you're smart. It's only an hour away. Say you'll drive down this weekend. Tell her you're really smart. Say you'll drive down this weekend. Sarah, tell her, what do you do to the fuck? He's frazzled, Sarah. Say you'll drive down. No, no, no. I'm not saying that. I'm hard to get. You don't want to drive down to stay with me? No, I'm not saying I don't. I'm not saying I won't. I'm just saying I'm not saying that. You want to stay with me? Sarah, would you let Matt Brown stay at your house if he were to drive down? Yeah, he can stay in my bed. Oh, that's how you do it. See, that's how you do it. So now you have a turn and say something. Say something cool. Say something flirtatious. Be cool. Do something flirty. What makes you let me stay at your house in your bed and you haven't even met me yet? Because I had your big, handsome, honk. We said that, Matt. We said you're a big, handsome, honk. Sarah, I've got a question. Yeah. Have we met before? No. Sarah, I've got another question. Would you have a lie to me? Yes. So I'm going to ask that question. Have we ever met before? Maybe. Oh. Why do you think? Why are you saying this? There's someone about this voice. I just know it. Maybe she's from Kuma. Maybe she is. Why? Who's in Kuma, Matt Brown? Here we go. Is this Isla? Oh, my God. I don't think so. Is it? No. You can't just call. You can't just call people that. It's so is. I just heard a voice answer from there. Yes, it is. Is it? It might be. But it fucking is. It gigs up. Holy fuck. Yeah, no, I just she's got because I've spoken. I've spoken to her a few times in my life, but she's got to that she has a flirtatious, you know, you remember that. He loves that. Yeah, he's got a huge part of his brain. Remember, it's my bed anymore. Yeah. Oh, damn it. Everyone listening, this is Isla O'Dowdy. This is Jackson's sister. We call her an ass. That was very. But Matt has somehow memorized her fucking voice after meeting her once. I think that has a crush on me. Yeah, I do. Yeah, I do have a little crush on him. Holy shit. I mean, yeah, it's OK. Oh, there you go. Now I know she's cool and cute and fun. Big hug. No, so I'm dressed like an idiot for this. Well, Matt has your Instagram. I'll he'll text you. Yeah, he'll mess you up. I like, yeah, he's going to message you on Instagram. I'll sit into a dam before I laughed at some of her posts. All right, so you guys will read chat comments trying to be funny. OK, all right, well, I lose. I'm going home now. If you want, Matt, you can kiss the microphone to end the day. I am actually, no, I can't because I was not even wanting a boyfriend. Isla, will you kiss the phone if Matt kisses the microphone? Perfect for you, Matt. I mean, if he does, I might. And the count of three, the count of three, you guys have to kiss at the same time. This is a digital kiss. These are a big deal these days. Three, two, one. That's his third kiss. He's like, that's kisses and getting more like passionate. He's putting they're becoming meaningful. That's kind of like a really good kiss, right? It was beautiful. Digital kiss now. Guys of digital kiss now. That's hot. That's hot. Fucking did it. Thank you so much, Isla. We appreciate you being a part of the Brown. Yeah, thanks for coming on. Hey, you're definitely number one. We get her down for the finale. All right, fuck off now. You hang up. You. Dude, bring that out more. What more? I don't know. Remember that is so good. You motherfuckers. You can't do that. Why are you always trying to fuck with me? Dude, think about it. You would marry Isla. So this is meant to be. It was an emergency. We had to find someone in. Anyone would marry Isla. She's a legend. I know. So that's why we this is the beginning. This could be the Isla is not into me. That's silly. Don't try and convince me around. We might as far as brown. This is part of the problem. Can't you sit in there in yourself, pity? You don't know that she don't like you unless you go over there and stare at her breasts. They get out of there and have a crack. Otherwise, you'll be sitting on a toilet till you're 50. You fucking here comes 40. And you sit on a toilet. No, I bought you a new chair the other day, Brown. And you. Hasn't it arrived? Yeah, yes. Oh, I'm so tempting to bring it. No, no, no. So we stick to the 18, 19 and then on 20. So two more episodes after this one, then we reveal the. But it is a special occasion. Let me just get this. I think I can sit on it. And it is I will be able to do that for 10 episodes. Right, Brown. Oh, it's wonderful. We've got we loved it. How good was it? It honestly, I can't wait. Would I like it? Yeah, I will love it. No. OK. No, I reckon everyone would love that chair. All right. You lying to me. It's a great chair. Anyway, anyway, we've nearly fucking Michael's Bible again. Yeah, sorry about that. All right, here we go. Michael's this is this little bit here, right? Michael has written his own version of the Bible. Instead of Jesus, he is Beezus. And he is the one who is behind the be more be movement, spearheading it. And he's written an entire Bible of really powerfully wise thoughts and a way to live that will guarantee you happiness forever. So listen closely and absorb it if you can. Can't I miss all or already? All right, you want to you're in this? You're in this round, Matt, one dollar. Yeah, well, you guys, you never know, this could be forever. This could be it. Look at what I'm wearing. Yeah, you look cool. She's not here to see you, Matt. She only heard you. It was a digital kiss. Fuck. Anyway, chapter seven, seven, seven, she's not here. There's all this talk in town about resetting the brown without disarming the ones who wear the crown. If the people knew just how brown they had it, then the Browns reset would be something we'd all come to regret it. S.C.S. is coming, which will make you scream S.O.S. Unless you fall for the new Brown's dress, which most of you will, I guess. Sorry. That's you, Brown. Oh, I like the brown rhyming ones. Good little poem there for Brown, little brown poem, little poem for everyone there. Lying to Loughlin, lying to Loughlin. Lying to Loughlin, lying to Loughlin. Yeah. And this is a segment where we call lucky. You all know him, Lucky. Loughlin got free and we fried and we tell him a lie. OK, yeah, lie to him. And this is yeah, this is perfect because this is perfect because it's Wednesday now. Yeah, yeah, it's different day. He won't register. Oh, yes. He only knows things for certain days on those days. All right. Lucky work. Remember, it's the next six thirty next Tuesday. Yeah. Yeah. So he won't expect it. We have fully fucking done it. Given up. So I reckon before this. Bong break. Bye. Can you remind me to take my phone off of private? Not private. It's not private now. Yeah, I've started again. I like that. As soon as you stop, it just adds back on and then quicker as you get older. Yeah, no. Thirty five. Look at thirty five. Yeah, fuck. I've had to start doing cardio again. Yeah. If you don't maintain, you're fucked. It's fish and we're back. All right, let's call Loughlin. We've decided that we're going to lie to him. Him and I know Jackson's gone overseas. I don't know if Loki is going with him, but we're going to lie to him and say, oh, we're thinking about having a couple of weeks off and we might fucking fuck it. We might come with you guys. So that's the lie. Oh, I don't think Loki's in Dubai. Yeah, no, not right now. Dubai, Abu Dhabi, because you've said both now. Isn't Abu Dhabi in their two different cities? Sorry. No, they could be even two different countries. They're both in the Arab area. It's in the Emirates. We're going to the Emirates. All right, here we go. Here we go. He may know that we're lying because we've done this four weeks in a row. No, no, we filmed the podcast yesterday. We filmed the Michael. There was a fucking volcano in Michael's hair. No, no, we filmed. We feel we called the other Loki last night. We filmed the. It's Wednesday. We we do podcast on fucking Tuesday nights. But I was just calling. When when are you and Jackson? Are you going overseas with Jackson as well? Yeah, definitely. Next week. And and where are you guys going? Um, Dubai and Europe. Yeah, because fuck, that might work out perfect because we're literally thinking we're having a week off in like two weeks. And we're thinking, oh, fuck it. And we may as well bloody come to where you guys are for a bit. The bar. Dude, I swear to God, this is not the podcast. Oh, I know you wouldn't leave your message for more than a fucking two days to work today. I do miss them. Well, Michael's got something to add. All right, Michael. Dude, there is a fifth hunger games coming out. And that is a fact. You can Google that till the cows come home, man. Oh, you're fucking about again. Yeah, there's a fifth one coming out. So read about it, baby, because it's happening. And, dude, we actually got you because we said we were thinking about going. We weren't. We didn't actually you thought we were going. You thought that we were considering going to Abu Dhabi. And to be honest, I haven't even thought about it once. We didn't think about it. We got you, man. Apart from telling you. And I'm actually pretty sure there is a fifth hunger games coming out. So look who the liar is now. Or we just, yeah, look who got got you got pranked. Then you come to me. Use it. Use it. Yeah, you just have to be crazy. All right, well, never say, never say from every week we get lucky. It's amazing just because it was a different day. You didn't get it because normally we do Tuesdays. You're like, shit, it's not Tuesday. You can't tell apart different days we've realized. Yeah, yeah. So now we're going to call you probably next week on Tuesday and we'll be like, oh, no, we do the podcast on Wednesday. Yeah, you're going to be so confused. Yeah, no, we'll go Thursday then. And if we've told you that, then we'll go Monday then. We'll go all the days. I've done the Bachelor Brown bit. Hey, have you done the Bachelor Brown? Yeah, we did Eila. We call the Eila. Yeah, I was just there. So I knew it was going to be a hot day. Oh, damn it. I saw Eila ruined it, but we still did get him a bit. Yeah, we got you a bit because it was a different day of it. Still counts. That's four out of four times we've got him. I started to think, man. I started to think. Yeah, that was good. Anyway, I love that. We'll let you on for a long, but thank you for believing us. And just remember that next time we call you, it could be something really serious. So just be open minded, at least. I'll keep my mind open. Yeah, keep your feelings there. All right, baby boy. We love you. Suckle tits, baby. Suckle tits like you meaner can't. See you lucky. Sorry. Lucky. Oh, man, it's so fun getting him like that. It was so good getting him that bad. We're getting good at it. Like, he was like, that's embarrassing for you. Do you know what I mean? Like, that's his four times in a row. Huck, line and sinker. He actually thought that we considered that. When making this segment not look like lying to Lucky, it's like, how dumb is Lucky? Yeah, I feel a bit bad now. Should we send him some money? Yeah, I'm going to send him 50 bucks. Yeah, let's tell. I'm going to send him 50 dollars right now. Really? Yeah, should I? Yeah, I reckon and say, sorry, sorry for not paying you for being dumb. Well, maybe, maybe, right? I can send him 100 bucks next week for the. And then I'll call him, like, oh, fuck, dude, I just send you 100 bucks. Shit, dude, can you send me back that money? And then that is the lie. Yeah, he'll send the money back. Yeah, yeah. Then he's got five times in a row we've got him. Even if he just believes that I accidentally sent that. I know, there's so many ways to win this game. Oh, but you didn't and you actually sent it on purpose. And it was a lie. Yeah. Comment below if you have any lie suggestions to Lucky and we'll see if we can work it in. Well, let's us move on. Ah, it's time for the cow, which is the question, which is the comment of the week, which we choose. And then we print it out and we stick it on a board. I've got a couple to print out and put on. Sorry, I've got them here. I just got to put them on. Okay, so it's a couple missing. Okay, so there's a couple missing at the moment. But if you are on the, if you are on the board, you have a one in 39 chance of also winning a thousand dollars at the end of the season. So that's a separate thing to the random thousand dollars we're going to give to a commenter. So just comment your hearts away. Try and comment something funny and have a look through the comments. See if you see something funny and give it a like. Comment of the week, Mad Brown. Comment of the week, Mad Brown. Sorry. Echo double, go. Sorry. Comment of the week went to Connor, GA189. And his comment was, Marty's dad is German Greg. We liked that when we read that out loud and we thought that's funny and we laughed much harder than we did just then. Everyone's going to be commenting. I reckon now I pick one one week to surprise you guys on it. Then the next week, Matt. Oh, that is not a bad idea to you guys the first time. Yeah, because if we, if we, if we can pick the comment that you're going to read out, then we get to have hundred dollars. OK. OK. Yeah. If you want to research and have a quick guess. It's great. It's great, everyone. Everyone shut. It's great. Great. What? Dude. What? Um, I can't believe it. Have you seen on Facebook? Mate, this is awful. Dude, Locky is dead. Locky is dead. Yeah, dude, he died in a car accident. My God. Again, again. That's terrible, Michael. Oh, Greg, when you come on the fucking podcast, you're fucking weak dog can't. It's so inviting. I can't wait. Maybe, um, maybe, uh, I don't know, one Friday night or Saturday when you change it to that. We're doing it Wednesday nights now. Does that help you? No, I mean, why don't you hire another coach to do your job and then you can come on to the podcast just for one week. No, it's difficult. No, no, no one can do it as well as me. Yeah, that's true. Some of the coaching staff, they are fucking terrible. No, Smith is the best. No, I'm joking. Is this on the podcast? It's all recorded, Greg. Oh, no. No, it's just Smith is the best. Hey, Greg, I want to call up the Brown. I want to be on the Brown segment. I want to be on the Brown segment. Yeah, no, he gets annoyed now when we get boys on. Otherwise, we would have had you on this week. Oh, you actually had boys on. I didn't even know that. Yeah, I had one called Ethan and then Jackson as well. Oh, but now he's in love with Isla, Justin's sister. Oh, no. So, yeah, that's Isla. Greg, I heard you got a little upset about the bashing of the name, Greg. No, I couldn't believe that when I, I like was looking at the Instagram snippet or whatever. And Chris is like laying next to me as I'm looking at. And she's like, what the hell's going on over there? And I'm like, mate, he's just abusing my way up. I'm getting KFC. I'm getting KFC. I'm going. Oh, he's gone. What a picture it is. His wife just looks over at it. Oh, fuck, and Greg's such a shit name. Fuck, it was if you could call Greg. There's like a bit of Smith in there as well. And Smith is really common. But mainly Greg. And we're talking about that shit. How shit those names are. Hey, boys, come up here. Come on, come on. Oh, good boy. Still dizzy, hey? Welcome to the podcast, Bosley. Come on up, man. You get up. Oh, Bosley's here. Oh, my. Shnook, oh, he's such a perfect darling. He's being such a clingy fuck because he hasn't felt well today. Oh, oh, yeah, that's so good right now. Oh, yeah. So. All right, question. Anyway, moving on to the question. And this is a segment where we answer your questions that are commented on the Marty and Markey fully actual YouTube channel. And if you want your question answered, answer it. Just comment your question. We answer the most liked questions first. So after you comment your question, have a scroll through and like the questions that you think, oh, fuck, I wouldn't mind hearing the answer to that question. We love your question. So ask them. Plus, every time you comment something, you increase your chances of winning $1,000 at the end of the year. It just makes financial sense. We used to be bankers. Dividends. All right, question is from Laura Andrews. Bitch. Oh, no, not Laura. Oh, sorry. I got you. All right, boys, how would you handle a dingo eating your baby situation? Do you know what I'm talking about before? Yeah, yeah. So that dingo wrapped up that baby and stole it away. Yeah. Oh, Greg. Greg. No, it's always good for you. You got some room for Greg. Are you spoiling? I'm spoiling your podcast. No, no, no. What did you want to say? What were you hearing? Yeah, she was just hearing like a bashing of the name Greg. And she thinks it's the funniest thing. She thinks it's the funniest thing she's ever seen in her life because have you noticed, have you noticed that every ad campaign that has the name Greg in it, they're making fun of the guy that's Greg? I was like, Greg here. Like, Greg here forgot to get his car insurance on time. Like, Greg's turning into the main character. Yeah, they always bashed the name Greg as being like the guy that just is a dickhead. And she thinks that's hilarious. And then when you started bashing my name as well, she thought that was even funnier. She listened to the whole thing. We fully hook into Greg. Oh, yeah. Annie Smith. Yeah, she loved it. Yeah, loved it. Oh, it's a very good name. I can't believe how bad our parents were like, Matt. I know. Oh, dude. Yeah, that's telling me. Like, my brother's name is Matthew as well. Because our parents want to be on this baby. And Matt's dad is called Greg. Maybe you are Matt's dad. And Matt is your brother. Yeah. Like, how bad? Like, there's no imagination in our parents at all. It's like the first name that they could think of. Hey, Greg, what's your middle name? Charles. Oh, that's not too bad. Yours is John or something. Yeah, what is your whole- Don't fucks. Mine is Gregory. My dad is John. Yeah, but same. Yeah, it's the same. Your dad's name is your own name. Yeah, it is the same. But I actually hate my name. I actually hate my name. Yeah, well, I kind of agree with you. You can't even have a nickname for it either. Dude, my nickname is Greggy. Greggy. I know, but usually you take syllables away. You can't take it. You could just go- I know. Just go grrr. Grrr. I love how you said it sounds like a sound, like a noise, like brrrr. Yeah, I hate how it has the same letter at the end of it at the start. G and G at the end is shit. Oh, I just hate it. You shouldn't do that. And Greg's spell backwards is gurg, which is the same word. It's so shit. Oh, sort of. No, it's exactly the same. You write it down on paper. Greg and G are exactly the same. Hey, just backwards. Greg, what's more of a common name? What's more of a common name? Smith or Brown? I reckon Smith. Yeah, sort of. But Brown would be the second most. Look it up. Look it up. Look at Google it. Google it. And I bet you- Yeah, which is more common. I reckon Smith would win that. But yeah, Brown isn't far behind and Brown is just nasty. It's like you just picture like a fucking sewer drain or something. Brown. Brown. It's a very common name. And Smith is like you just, I think picture like a family from the 1950s, but a really poor one. Yeah, with a pitchfork. You've got like a pitchfork. You're in the thumbs. What about your last, both of your last names are just absolutely shocking. They're terrible, but like they're so uncommon. Yeah, you can't get them. Yeah, there's no point in even mentioning them, really. Because let's face it, your parents weren't that imagined to be that Michael and Marty. Marty or Martin. Martin is a very rare name I'll have you know. I guess Michael's pretty common. But yeah, that's true. Yours is kind of shit too. Yeah, it's quite common. But at least we have M's at the start of our name. Yeah, yeah. And you can do anything with a G. Anything with a G is a shit name. Like Matt, Greg, one syllable names are like, it sounds like someone's trying to vomit. Grrrrrible. Grrrrrible. Grrrrrible. Grrrrrible. George, awful name. George, Gary, they're all bad. Gary? Gary's quite shit. Anything with a G. Look out of those three, I'd say Greg is my father worst. It's agreed that G is shit. Okay. Okay, well, yeah, that's true. But anyway, were you really literally trying to prank call me about another death? Yeah, we have a segment where we lie to Loki every week. No, don't tell him. Why? Because we're trying to get him. Oh, don't tell him. We're trying to get you. You've got to listen to the podcast, Greg, but we'll be calling you quite often now, my friend. Oh! Oh! Thanks. Thanks for the call. Sorry. Back to Laura Andrews' ass. What would you handle a dingo eating a baby situation? Right, right. Oh, yeah. Yeah, these are good questions. I'd probably like a shit. Fuck, I got to call the cops or the ambulance. Next question is from- Wait! Wait! See ya, boss. Okay, so let's just think here. So we don't know that a dingo's taken the baby. The baby's just gone. No, so the baby's missing. So we've just found out that it's the dingo that's taken it. It's somewhere near. Yeah. So we've just found out it was a dingo that's taken our baby. On Fraser Island. I would poison all of the dingo's. No, I would call the cops or an ambulance. I'd poison them all. Every revenge. I don't know. I'd seek revenge and I'd poison all of the dingo's by putting rat poison heaps of it in babies. Yeah, yeah, I guess you will. Then they take another baby, well guess what, now you pay with your life, can't they? They learn a lesson each time. 100%. They're evolving and I've helped their species or they get immune to babies. I hate this question. All right, next question from Dylan D'Souza, depending where he's from, D'Souza. All right, Marty, do you only own Harley-Davidson t-shirts? No. Also own, oh, shit. Yeah. Yeah, maybe look, maybe I have to go and have a look through my closet, okay? I do like the Harley-Davidson, the look of the shirts. I don't own one and I've never ridden a motorbike in my life. Have you, Brown? Well, I'm ridden a motorbike. No. Do you reckon you could ride a moped? Yeah, easy. I've ridden a moped and I wouldn't class that as a motorbike though. Would you do a motorbike? Yeah. All right. How much next week then? 200 bucks to get you on a motorbike. You're going to pay me $200 to ride a motorbike. Yeah, but you got to bring it. Who's got a motorbike? You thought that out. Greg has a motorbike. Where's the phone? It's on the floor just there. Brown doing, ah, sorry. Next question is from Jessica Walsh, who comments a lot. So thank you, Jessica. I see your comments a lot. Can you tell me if a plastic spoon or a wooden spoon hurts harder? Surely you boys wouldn't know by now. A wooden spoon. A wooden spoon is, it's really shockingly painful. You've got a few on this podcast, actually. If you have a full swing to the arse here and you know about it. It burns for so long that there's a burning sensation. It's like a deep, deep pain, like a fire in your heart. No, just where you hit like the person. Yeah. We are certain that it would be a wooden spoon. See, we have a lot of knowledge about shit like that. Science. Like legitimately, we have broken so many of those on our bodies. Next question is from James Kirkpatrick. Kirkpatrick. All right. I've altered his question because it kind of didn't make sense, but it will now. Well. All right, his question is, if you had to give your mate your arm or your leg to say though, I feel like you had to do it. Which one would you give your arm or your leg? I would give a leg. Okay. So easy. I'd give a leg and then I'd become a stand-up comedian and just do only jokes about disabled people the entire fucking time because guess what? Now you can. Yeah. Holy shit. I would watch you stand up. If I had one leg, man, I'd just be standing there screaming, pointing at it, being like, where's my leg? It's for a whole hour. I would do that. Well, no, if you had no arms, it would be so much funnier running out and just turning around. Yeah, you still be able to see. No, I don't think so. There are definitely people in that situation. Yeah, I know, but like, how do you do shit without arms? They give you a little arms with little hooks on them. You're being really gross right now, man. Sorry. You're talking about pirates. Oh, God, this is going horribly wrong. Would you do leg or arm? I would have to cut off the leg. Yeah, I think leg. Yeah, I'm leg. And then I'll get one of those bouncy ones that you can run with. And you can get replacement legs. You sit down in a chair and no one knows that you don't have a leg. There's many benefits. Next question is from Jonathan Smith. John Smith, are you fucking kidding me? It's an epidemic. You fucking shit named dogs. You mutt, John Smith. Fuck off. Next question. I will allow it. Look, it's not his fault. All right, this is another science question. But this actually got quite a lot of likes. Do you boys? Sorry, a question of the podcast. Do you boys think there are more nipples in the world or eyeballs in the wall in the world? Keep in mind, dogs have lots of nipples and spiders have lots of eyes. Surely be more eyes. Do spiders have nipples? No, but they have lots of eyes. Are you sure spiders don't have nipples? No, I'm not positive. But I think you are positive and I think you've looked into it. And that's disgusting. I reckon eyes because there's probably more spiders. Yeah, but there's there's millions of spiders. Look, yeah, I'm going to go. They've got eight. Got eight dogs have a lot too. And there are a lot of dogs. But overall, if I had to guess, I'd say there's more spiders in the world than dogs, and that is the deciding factor. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I agree. Flies have nipples. No, you know that for a fact. You sick fuck. That was. One hundred and eighty dollars, Matt, that you just lost. You paid one hundred and eighty. Yeah, that's how much you got to pay for Olympic merch. That's fucked. We did it for that video, remember? Yeah. What was it again? Olympics, Neds. Now, take it to the Neds level. Next question is from a serotonin finder. Boys, the Cricket World Cup has come to Australia this year. Oh, is it this year? And they just want to give them any plans to invade the pitch at any point. Oh, maybe it wouldn't rule it out. I feel like most people would just be like, really? Again, again, again. And maybe we should just wear shirts that says, yes, we're doing it again. We're just again. Oh, we're doing it for the first time. Yeah, we wear shirts saying this is our first time doing this. Oh, oh, fuck. And you kick a goal. You know, if we can put a weird, dumb enough spin on it. Yeah, sure, we'll do it again. Fucking the first time we only got a seven hundred and fifty dollar fine each next one. We had a rich restriction and no one saw the video. Yeah. Anyway, so. All right, next question. What does Greg? Oh, sorry, from Dylan B. What does Greg Brown think of the podcast and his son's sick, twisted book of halves to tell you the truth? He's he doesn't quite fully get the concept of a podcast yet. He just thinks it's a radio station. Does your dad has made him listen to this? No, I've shown him videos and bits and pieces, but I don't think it's fully grass. What would he say? Be your dad, Greg, and pretend you've just been read the fucking all of the read the book. He'd be like, what? He just went, what? Kept saying, what? Channel, shocked at that channel him now and have his reaction. Close your eyes for like 10 seconds and then come back. I feel great. He doesn't have the same laugh as me, but his body and shake is the same as me. Well, we laughs the same, just different sounds. Now let it manifest you. Is that being him? Is that being him? It's a bit of him. But yeah, he hasn't watched it yet. I feel like I should just bring him on one day to give him an insight into this. And what about your mother? What would your mother say? Cameron, her name is Janet. Her name is Janet. Sorry, your mother's name is Janet. I don't know what she would say. Would she be proud of you? Would she be proud to see what her 40 year old son is up to? I'm not 40, I'm 35. He's 136. No, 176. 35 years on earth. But prior to that, he's lived a long life on the planet quelch, OK? We all know it. With my mother choir now. Oh, very good. Tough day. Getting lied to left, right, and center, getting bullied. All right, next question is from Andy. Oh, or it could be Andy Ryu. All right, how did you guys come across Ashley on your latest website video? Believe it or not, Ashley came onto us and just saw us filming and just literally walked over. And then we noticed Ashley walking over and just swarmed Ashley, Ashley hit Michael with a brick. And it happens a lot where we're filming like website videos and fans, even today, a fan just come, they see what we're doing and just walking over and then we just include them in the video. So if you ever see us filming, just come on over because you'll probably get to throw something at us or break something on us. But just be where we will be very strange to you. Yeah, sometimes like we have to like sort of put our whole bodies around you a bit. Yeah, yeah, we will embrace you, we'll be touching you, making strange sounds. It's not OK. No, no, it's OK. It's like a big hug, like a warm hug. OK, I'm coming around to it now. We had two the other day throw a shitload of eggs at Marty, firing squad style. He's got bruises, neck. Love my back. His heights. Final question. It's from VY. Boys, if you'd never met, do you think you would both be? He says influencer, but would you both be in social media? It's not a bad. I wonder what we would have done. Hard to say, isn't it? Would you have gone and would you reckon you would have got there on your own? I probably would have gone to uni or something after and stayed in Toowoomba, gone to uni. Yeah, you'd be a fucked up teacher. I reckon I'd be. No, I was if I stayed in Toowoomba, I was heaps keen on getting good grades when I was in Toowoomba. As soon as I moved to Brisbane, I was like, fuck it, come. Yeah, party last. I wonder if I'd still be like tennis coaching. Yeah, I think you'd be tennis coaching and living at Greg's. Oh, living at Greg's. You'd be you'd have a receding hairline and you'd be quite fat. I'd be a lazy coach. Probably. That's what my living with Greg would be all right, though. Oh, yeah, maybe I lost Greg. Yeah, I think this is the only career option that we've gone down where I wouldn't have been super depressed with my life. It's much nicer when you do the things that you like doing. Yeah, especially the podcast is fun. Remember, if you do what you love, you'll never work day in life. Exactly right, Matt. And that's why that's Olympic. That's why you love concrete. That's fully Olympic. Isn't that right, Matt Brown? It's awesome. Would you rather be Javelin or shop put? I would be Javelin, I think. Matt knows a lot about concrete. I don't know. Yes, you do. I'm not talking about concrete. I've heard you. I'm not going to talk about it. It's your favorite topic. As soon as, oh, how's your day work, man? Oh, fucking hell. Oh, another slab. He gets upset when you bring up tiles. Let's just say that. Yeah, yeah, he hates tiles. Yeah, what the fuck do you want to talk about tiles for? Because you are tiles and concrete are in great competition with each other, baby. You have to lay the slab before you can lay the tile. He always says this. Fucking yes, exactly what I was going to say. And that's questions. And remember, if you want your question answered, just comment a question. All right. And what comes next in the story? The po-box. The po-box. Po-box. Now, we're running this is quite a long podcast, so we'll just do a couple. Let's just kind of do it. We're fine. We've got big gaps to cut. So we're at 1. We're at 1.27. But there's like 20 minutes to cut a fuckery. All right, all right. Well, look, maybe bong. No, we didn't. Maybe bong. That's maybe the third one. Yeah. All right. Bong brain. Is that her? No, that feel better, baby. Yeah. All right, Marty. Po unboxing segment. Here it comes. And this is where we open the shit that you guys send to us. OK, we open it live on the podcast. We do not know what is in this shit. And you guys send some fucked shit, which makes this segment very exciting. You never know what you're going to get. We've been sent some fucked shit. I'm talking shit, teeth, piss. Great Britain. And the P.O. Box two five six Tagum four zero one eight Queensland Australia. Send us some weird shit. OK, and you too can see us open your shit live on the podcast, which is very exciting. You need to fix this. It's broken. OK, I'm scared. You open that one. Oh, yes. Oh, my God. OK, I've just opened a letter, right? OK, and it's oregano. We'll just say that. I can't. It's a herb, oregano. See what this is. Oh, it says, fuck you, Matt Brown on the inside. Oh, my God. Matt, did or did you not say one day that if someone sent in their pubes, you would smoke them for bong break. You guys, this is so you open something, you just throw it on the ground and then we lose everything. His house has no fucking knives or scissors. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, it's not how it works. We've got to read like who it's from and shit. Look, look, let's just pause for a second here. OK, someone has sent us pubes and a lighter. All right, and said, fuck you, Matt Brown. You look very charming, Brown. Sorry, you look like fluro Simpsons. Anyway, we got sent this lighter with pubic hair. So next bong break, Matt, since you don't have weed, you can have some pubes. There's a pubic hair right here. Black pubic hair. And you said you'd smoke them. You said in a separate podcast, send us your pubes. I will smoke them. I think you're wearing a $200 jacket. Yeah, dude, that's you can have that. You got to smoke those pubes, man, pubes. Liebe Grüße aus Deutschland. Means hello from Germany. Thank you very much. Dankeschön. I didn't come from Germany. Must have. Yeah, must have come from Germany. This lighter and pubic hair is German pubic hair. It's a thick and corset jackpot. This is better. Oh, my God. All right, Michael's just opened a huge fucking box and it is a feast fest. Oh, my God, we just had bong break. We've got the holy shit. Let's stop us. Holy fucking shit. Tasty gummy nuggets. Oh, my God. Oh, they're called poo drops. Actually know me. Oh, my God. They're called poo drops, sugar pastels, fucking gold. Oh, my God, dude. All right, we get a two minute binge here. Just deal with it. Try not to wreck them too much so we can set them some of the photos. You don't mean to. Yeah, we still keep the packets. Yeah, keep the packets. Oh, so much packaging. Just getting the fucking guts come. Holy fuck, I love these lollies. Thank you. Who's a good boy? Was he Matthew Gregory Brown, AKA Harry Egg? Harry Egg. I don't get it. Oh, no, it's good. It's like a play on Greg. It's very good. Oh, yeah, OK. The word egg is in Greg. It's that's why I get so shit because eggs are shit. Oh, my God. Oh, no, it says just read out loud. Well, there's one for us. So we'll read this one. Oh, man, sugar is good. Thank you. It takes so long to unwrap. One. Yeah. There's pastels. No. Stubbers so good. OK, dear Mickey Bicky and Marty Fardy. Did you all say not read out loud? I don't know. I'm just going to read it. We're sent you some yummy treats from the UK that we don't think you have in Australia. I do have these and I love them. You know me very well. Thank you. We've also sent you some very special, non-edible treats. We'll be really impressed if you can guess what they are. Only Matt Brown knows the answer. We love you very much. You make us laugh so much. Love Ruth and Albie Redmond. Mother and son. Claim tangs. Holy shit. Imagine watching us with your mom. Thank you. That's what happens. Thank you so much, Ruth and Albie. Fucking mother and son. I buy these once a week. Imagine listening to us with your mother. That'd be so cool if you were that close to her. We look in this jar. I have something that's this. The thing that's not edible. Stop, stop. I got to stop eating. This is getting bad. Hang on. Hang on. Can I eat this, Matt? There's one in the brown that we can't read. He's reading it. There's a letter in the brown we can't read. It's got something to do with this. Look at the poo. Yeah, they sent us little poo. OK, so I'm eating the snot. I'm eating the snot brown. Oh, oh, is that smell coming from that? Yeah. OK, so. Oh, my God. You have to guess. All right, you have to guess what's contained inside the container. Oh, really? There are two things. Is there a green container? Oh, it's sending the creeps. It's like an orange container. There should be an orange and a green. Yeah, we're skin shavings. No, that's from the bottom of a foot. Oh, what are you in the green one? Yeah. No, incorrect. What is it? I don't know. You can you can sniff. You can feel. I wouldn't feel. Boss, have a smell. See what he does. Don't let him eat it, though. Oh, careful. He would eat it. Holy shit. So whatever it is, boss, he would eat it. It's creepy as fuck. Give me a look. Yeah, it's hard to tell what that is, ain't it? I can. Oh, some fellow me. Oh, it's really creepy. Careful, careful. Yeah, I'm just showing the camera. Could be poisonous. You guys can probably not see it. It looks like skin. They sent a skin like dark skin. Yeah, Michael, try one of these snot things. No way. Am I eating that? I can't believe you're eating them. Just try one. No way. That's insane to me. Gooey center. That's it's too slimy for me. I can't eat lollies like that. Freaks me out. Can only stick with the sugar coat of pasta. Any guesses on the green thing? I can't believe I didn't know you were meant to eat those. That freaked me out when I saw them. Any other guesses on the green thing? Yeah, no, I've never seen them. Can you try the poos then? Yeah. All right, try to open up the orange one and see if you can guess what that is. Have a big sniff of it, apparently. Oh, yuck. No, I reckon that's like mold. I shouldn't sniff that in. I don't know. Off fruit? Is it from a human body? Is that like? It's not from a human, no. We just cast a spell out, didn't we? That's a fucking... It's a Pandora's box. Well, I regret that. So the green container contains horse smag from around its bell end. Oh, wow! Whoa. Smag is like that. That fell on me, some of it. No, it didn't. Yeah. This is horse gross cum shit. It's like dick cheese on a horse. It's horse dick cheese in a jar. This is unbelievable. We've just been sent horse dick cheese. I think we found the title for this podcast. Horse dick cheese? We got sent horse dick cheese. Yeah, that's the title, Connor. We got sent horse dick cheese. And what's in the other one? Let's put that up. What are the poos like? Delicious. Like Coke flavored. That's fuck. Coca-Cola flavored. They look so disgusting. They're so slimy. Oh yeah, they are Coca-Cola. They're fucking delicious, though. Little poos they're marketed as. What's in the orange jar? In the orange container. You all right, boss? Very stressed. Oh, what are these? These are the poos that I'm eating. All right, in the orange container, it contains horse hoof clippings. OK, that's a little bit better. They smell like shit, though. I thought so. I can't believe we got sent fucking horse dick cheese. Yeah, well done. That made up for whatever we got sent. Oh, yuck. They're so slimy. They're not slimy. They're sticky. How much for you to eat one? No, I wouldn't. I can't. I'm not eating them. No way. Shave your head or eat one of them. What's it going to be? I ate one. Oh, it's not bad. I can't believe. Can you flick me one? Please. Make it easier. I want them. You wasted heaps then. Fuck you. You don't get any. You have the ground ones. There's pubes on the ground, though, remember? Oh, yes. There's pubes everywhere. There's a layer of pubes on set. I blew on it. It's all good. That's fucked, man. That is so fucked. Sorry, guys. Let's just turn my phone off and on. Here we go. What prank call are you doing? I'm calling the billboard guy. How about we go to an old faithful of Domino's but we use Ronda one of our new ones? I reckon Ronda's upset with her hotel room or something. Or she's trying to find out her husband's cheating on her. No, I've got it. I've got it. Ronda has ordered a Domino's pizza, but it has not arrived yet. And she's accidentally called the wrong Domino's and is accusing them of losing their order. Hello, Domino's. Yes, excuse me, I ordered pizza with you guys that roughly 45 minutes ago, OK? And I still hasn't arrived. And my place of residence is just down the road. So I was just calling to see what the whole opportunity is. OK. Sorry, could you give me the? Of course, yeah. The address for that order? The address, of course. It's good. Oh, my God. So I live on 16. Mourner, Monroe Terrace. Oh, excuse me. Oh, my God. I'm sorry, could you just give me a second? It's not. I'll be back with you. No, I'll stop. Shouldn't be too long. One of our Domino's team members will be with you shortly. But while you wait for your hot, fresh delivery, check out our new hot, fresh delivery. These guys are going to deliver that tasty food. Get in line, Mourner. And I love getting any ration for delivery. They've seen the whole thing. Hang on. Wait. Are you telling me Domino's can deliver a lot of delivery food? The deep end-lighted delivery, by the way. I'm not going to bring that home. But you're not going to bring that home. I'm going to say my friend. I'm going to say my friend. A whole... Hello? Hello? Sorry, darling. Put me on the whole side of your head, is it? Um, yeah. Sir, did you order it over the phone? Yes, darling. I think I'll call ahead, yeah. Right, OK. Could I get your phone number? Yeah, of course you can. OK, my phone number is 07. Sorry, home number or is it a mobile number? Excuse me. The number that you used to call the store. OK, let me just quickly check my call log because I can't remember if it was after home phone. No. Mm, excuse me. It was off my handy. Sorry. OK, I can't see it off my home phone, OK? So it must be off my home phone, OK? Here's my phone home phone number, OK? You got a piece of pencil? Oh, yeah, I'm ready. You got a pencil? OK, my phone number is 0734. Yep. 3-5-9-3-2-0. The 0734. 3-5-3-5-9-3-2-0. 2-0, yes, that's correct. All right, just give me a second. OK, no worries, it has taken quite some time. Thanks for holding. It's been me too long. Fucking hot. We'll be with you shortly. But while you wait for your hot, fresh tracks, you can call me for help. I am Captain New. Topami, I am Captain New. I love it. To your manager. I love getting any large pizza. Always. My pizza. Oh, wait. Are you killing me? Go on and deliver my favorite pizza. The deep-pan-lighted pepperoncinoe is hot and breezy. I'm just down myself. I am Captain New. I am Captain New. I'm on the topic of your favorite pizza. You'll be delighted to... It's Jennifer Limey. Hi. Hello. Hi. Hello, hello. Sorry. Fucking... Yeah, hello. Sorry, could I get the number for your address? Oh, sorry. What's the fun number from the address? So, the address... Your home... The number of your home address. My... You want my home address? 16 Moundrel Terrace. All right, perfect. Moundrel Terrace. Did they get that one? Yeah, 16 Moundrel Terrace. So, one, six, Moundrel Terrace, okay? Excuse me. It's too many. Sure. Right. Quite a few stars. So, what's the holdout, darling? Because I've got a whole family waiting for three pizzas and a few stars. And I could come down and pick it up if you can have the stuff. Okay, darling? I can do that. I can come down on the car. It's a short drive. And I'll come down and pick up the pizzas, okay? So, I think your order is for like a different store. Right, right. You know, your house isn't in our range. Well, lately I've spoke to, okay, Shrissa, drummin' eyes in Aspley, and a Fomin' on the Stakehand. That's it. That's it, right? Right, but we don't have any history of that order. So, what I'm hearing here is you lost my order again. Okay, this is happened five times now, okay? And one day I'm going to stop ordering, okay? Because it's Christmas, so I was going on Dracula's. And now my uncle, okay, we're listening to this. He's studying, okay, to do the lawyer. So, if you're going to keep losing my orders, that's physical abuse. That's physical abuse in three states in Australia. Read the books, I tell you, darling, because I am chasing you on my time. Right, I'm sorry that happened. Sorry, Shmari, okay, sorry, Shmari, okay? Seriously, sorry, Shmari, okay? Sorry, Shmari doesn't put pizza on the table for my fucking uncle and his brother. Right, could you, would you like to try calling the m****? So, I think that's where it might have gone to. Why didn't he tell me, okay? What I'm going to dial the fine number is, because the one I've got written down is the one where my paces got made. Right, I'll just get the number for you. Okay, well, okay, yeah, that would be great. If you could make the call and set up a meeting, I'll come down in the morning and we can talk about how this keeps happening. Are, are, are, are against. So, the number for the Macalphor, it's, um, sure as, it's zero seven. Zero seven, okay, let me go. Three zero. Let me get a pencil, let me get a pencil, okay? Okay, no worries. Fill it, fill it, fill it, it's for the fucking pencil. It's good. It's good. It's solid. No worries, I throw one. Fuck it. Slow. Okay, let me get a little piece of pipe, okay? All right. Okay, so let's hear it. What do you got? All right. Is that who I'm talking to right now? You want me to call you? Oh no, I'm just going to give you the Macambal number and then you can call them and ask about that. How's my pizza, okay? Yeah, we think so. You're, you're... Zoe's... No. Okay, okay. Look, there's no need to get frustrated, okay? I'm just trying to find my food that's paid for. Okay, okay, that's fair. All right. All right, when you're ready I'll just read off the number. You want me to read my number? I've already arranged it. No. No. Two. Two? Two? What are you saying, darling? How about I can... I can... Come into the store, okay? Oh. And you can quick call my... to go. Because I... I can... I've got to just drive down, okay? And to put the kids in the back. I'll see you guys shortly, okay? I'm going to come down... I've got to pick up another bottle of wine for dinner anyway. Hi, sorry. This is f***ing speaking. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Excuse me. It's very, very, very confrontational. Okay, so you placed an order earlier to keep the delivery? That's correct. I placed it for three pieces. And a few of the sides. I believe. Okay. I believe so. And that was to 16 Maudrel Terrace? 16 Maudrel Terrace. All right. So... And you ordered by phone? That's correct. I called from my home phone. Okay, so sorry. Just a second. You would have called the Maudrel Terrace store. And you would have placed the order with them, not with us. So I can transfer you to the Maudrel Terrace store with them. What I have done darling, I know what I have done darling, okay? I call a f***ing dominoes from my home phone. And you like... We don't have an order for you, sorry. Okay, have lost my order for the fifth time. We haven't lost your order because you haven't placed an order with us. And I'm going to call security affairs and have the matter looked into. My uncle is studying to do lawyer, okay? Oh dude. That was such a long prank call. Dude, there was one point in that podcast. Where I honestly just... I couldn't stop, I couldn't believe where it had taken me. I was pissing myself at one point. I can't remember what it was. You mean the prank call or the podcast? The prank call. Okay, I was like... The podcast... When they were like yelling at... Oh yeah! The conversation with your uncle! That was the greatest f***ing thing I've ever heard. And she was there to hear it! Can they hear you when you're on hold? I was about to say I'm not sure, but if they record their phones, their phone call recordings will still hear you. Because I don't think they could hear you when you're on hold. They can't hear you. It depends on what they're set up as. They can for the moment. I come off hold and I'm still screaming. Yeah, there was one that she's just screaming this obscene sentence and then coming back to the corner. I was trying to listen if they were like giggling at you yelling at your family for a pencil. I could hear like some sort of something. It's the strangest language, dude. It really got me. Anyway, that's this week's podcast. We've got to get out of here. It's a little late. The state of origin is on. We're starting to have awesome football and have a sure house. We are the best. We're the best. We're the best.