 The Jack Benny program transcribed and presented by Lucky Strike the cigarette that tastes better This is Don Wilson friends And you know the right time for a lucky is any time you feel like enjoying a really great cigarette the right place Well, that's any place you happen to be at the time It's true. You can depend on a lucky to give you better taste every time it's light up time That's because of the truly fine tobacco that goes into every lucky strike cigarette LS MFT lucky strike means fine tobacco Tobacco that's light and mild and good tasting and then that fine tobacco is toasted Yes before that naturally good tasting tobacco is made into lucky strike cigarettes It's toasted to taste even better cleaner fresher smoother So when you buy your next pack or carton of cigarettes remember Lucky's taste better and be happy go lucky It's light up time for the taste that you like light up a lucky strike right now Light up a lucky Strike program starring Jack Benny with Mary Livingston Rochester Dennis a Bob Crosby the earth truly died Ladies and gentlemen tonight Jack does another television show But meanwhile, let's go back to yesterday's radio rehearsal here at CBF as we look in on the rehearsal studio Jack hasn't arrived yet and the producer here your marks is listening to the orchestra Come on everyone Mary John Dennis get your scripts boy is this a waste of time What do you mean? Well, what's the sense of rehearsing the script now? The most important person isn't even here, you know Dennis is right It's sort of silly to go ahead without Jack. Oh, I was talking about the soundman Wait a minute Dennis wait a minute. You shouldn't say that Jack is the most important person on the show He's the star and he's very talented Dennis why'd you move over next to me? I don't want to have anything to do with that big fat. Yes, man Easy kids easy. I wonder what's keeping Jack. It's not like him to be late for rehearsal Oh, he'll show up in a minute and fellas. Where do you see him? Oh, brother? Why what's the matter Barry? Well Warner Brothers call him up and told him they want to make a big feature picture called the life of Jack Benny Yeah, and you know fellas since Jack found out about it. He's absolutely unbearable I never saw such conceit in all my life probably all his talent. He's got a right to oh here he comes now Well, hello everybody Hello Donald hello Jack. Hello Dennis my lad. Hello Melon. Hello How do you do miss living stone take off that monocle? I broke my bifocals and managed to save one focal Here Donald take my gloves and cane Thank you There gloves and cane oh boy are you snooty Dennis the gloves is smooth the cane is necessary Go ahead go ahead have your little fun, but you'll all apologize when you know what's happened to me Oh, we know we know yeah Yes, Jack. Mary told us Warner Brothers are going to make a picture about your life Yes, sir the same studio that made the life of Emil Zola the life of Louis Pasteur the life of Mark Twain and now The life of Jack Benny they're going to trace my entire career and include everyone that's played a part in it Yeah, I hope they change the names to protect the innocent Oh Danny you're just jealous why should I be jealous someday they may they might make my life story They already did it was called idiots delight Well kids I have to leave you now Rochester's waiting in the car to take me to Warner Brothers Oh, wait a minute Jack. We haven't rehearsed the script for tomorrow. Well, you can manage without me Oh, no, no, no, we need you here Jack. We can't get along without you. Oh, that's no Jack You're the one that keeps us on the right path. Oh, well without your guidance and your feel for comedy We'd be lost. Oh Well done, it's nice of you to say that what else do you expect from a big fat yes, man Well If you'll all excuse me, I can't keep them waiting at Warner Brothers. Come on, Mary. I want you to go with me Okay, oh, but Jack before you go once you even listen to the sportsman. Oh, they have a number prepared Yeah, they're going to a novel version of Alexander's ragtime band Well, you go ahead and rehearse it down. I've got to leave. Come on, Mary. All right, boys. Take it They can play a bugle call like you never heard before Take you by the hand Come on Alexander's ragtime By the smoke that's really grand come on Better tasting lucky strike gives us both that you were like and just take a pot. You'll enjoy. I'm sure enough That's just the fastest brand one Come on Join the million to agree Oh, lucky strike. It's lucky strike. Give me a lesson that tea and there's a reason. They're so free And Take it easy Rochester watch where you're going. Oh, Jack. Don't be so nervous. I'm not nervous What wait a minute Rochester when we started out you were driving what happened remember that big bump we hit back there Yes, well when the people put us back in the car, they put us in wrong Oh, oh, oh Well, you take the wheel now And hurry up. I want to get to the studio Say Mary, I just thought of something if they're going to make the story in my life I shouldn't only be acting in it. I should direct it Jack and not only that who knows my life better than I do I should write it too Well, if you do all like you might as well produce it Yeah, see I can see it now the life of jack benny starring jack benny Directed by jack benny written by jack benny and produced by jack benny What are you laughing at? I'll lend you my girdle and you can be your own leading lady No, that would be going too far Yeah, there's a water brother's lot. Oh, yeah Rochester turn up that driveway. Yes, sir Gee the lot is pretty full or here's a space right in the middle park here Rochester. Okay Yeah, they must be making a cowboy picture Well somebody better tell them this ain't the stagecoach the last one went through the radiator Say you're right. It's that parking attendant over there. Hey mister. What's the big idea of shooting at us? You took the space reserve from mr. Jack Warner. Oh, yes He always wants to touch you about that But look fella. I'm jack benny and I've got an appointment with jack benny. Yes The one that's starting a horn blows at midnight That's right. I did that for warner brother 15 years ago. Do you see it? See it? I directed it Well, of course Herman I didn't recognize you. You've gotten thin. Yeah, yeah thin But Herman I can't understand if you were doing so well. How come they've got you out here on the parking lot? How come? All my life. I wanted to be a director for years. I studied and started trying to learn the profession Every little job they put me on I did with perfection and finally they noticed me. I became an assistant director I was on my way up suddenly. I was a director everything I did was right I was turning out hit after hit. I had money respect I even won an Oscar and you came along You were that lousy horn blows at midnight Easy Why? Why did you have to come into my life? I used to- Herman put down that gun What do you care? I'm pointing it at myself She's uh, she's a complete wreck I feel sort of responsible or Rochester. Yes boss. Let Herman park the car and give him a dime tip Come on, Mary. I don't want to keep Mr. Warner waiting Here's Jack Warner's office. Let's go in Yes, I have an appointment with Mr. Warner. I'm Jack Benny. Well, he's in conference. Would you mind waiting? Not at all Come on, Mary. Let's sit down over here You ought to be in picture Bum bum bum bum bum bum bum Hey jack, look at that fellow sitting on the other side of the room Isn't that Danny K? Danny K? Where? Reading that newspaper. Oh, yeah He used to be such a nice kid Used to be What'd he ever do to you? What did he do to me? Did you see him and knock on wood and white Christmas and that preview of his latest picture court jester? Yeah, and he was just great in all of them. What about it? What about it? Who has three hits all in one year? What's he trying to do show up Humphrey Bogart and William Holden and the rest of us? You know jack, I can't understand it every time somebody makes a little progress you get sore at them I do not you do too when last he got her own television show you were so mad you're bitter I bitter I bitter I snarl at her once and you make a big thing out of us Anyway, this is different. I practically gave Danny K his start Well, I remember the day he came to me for advice. I was full enough to jack Danny sees you and he's coming over Oh, well, I'll just have to hide my feelings Da da dee da dum da dee da dum da dum da dee da da dum Hello jack. Hello, Mary. Hello Danny How are you jack? I'm fine fine How's your mother Danny? Fine And your father? Oh, he's fine too Well the next time you see him tell him they certainly have a louse for a son Well, what's the matter? What happened? I thought we were friends jack friends a lot, you know about friendship I heard about that rumor you're spreading around that you're the greatest comedian in pictures But jack I didn't spread that rumor And I'm sorry. I'm having such a good year. Oh, sure And if it'll make you feel any better I'm sorry. I ever came to hollywood. I'll bet I suppose I had to twist your arm to do knock on wood and white Christmas and the Chorgester. Well, I'm sorry. They were at success and that I was funny Being sorry doesn't help you made the pictures. You were a hit and the damage is done Too late to apologize. Oh Danny don't pay any attention to him. Mary. What's the matter with him? Well, he's jealous of anyone. That's a big success Gosh jack. I wouldn't hurt you for the world. You know that I know how you love show business I wouldn't do anything to take the bread and margarine out of your mind I Go ahead. Go ahead. Keep talking. I know what you're thinking. No jack. You've got me all wrong I've always been your fan. I followed your career for years. You followed me Really? Well, sure jack and I could never hope to become as popular as you used to be Used to be I mean used to, well, boosted weed, used to bars, the wasps bees, boosted hen-hensby blues The sloven blades, he's used to it by Who's still doing the as-as-as you are, I mean Well, that's better Honestly, jack, you've always been my idol. I think you're the greatest comedian in the world. You do? Yeah, I think you're swell. Oh, well, and I'm sorry. I asked you the way I did Danny. I I think you're pretty swell, too Yeah, but you're a sweller than I No, no, Danny. No, no, you're the swellest. No jack. You're the swellest Well, as soon as the swelling goes down, can I get a word in here? Oh, I'm sorry, Mary. Danny and I were just complimenting each other and say Danny You know jack warner sent for me because he's going to make a picture of my life And to show you how much I really like you I'm going to ask them to catch I'm going to ask them to can't find something for you to do in my picture. Oh gee, that'd be swell Now Danny Now Danny, since I'm going to be in the picture, we won't need another comedian But we will need a musical number. Do you have anything like that that you could do? Yes, yes, I do. I have a kind of an old-fashioned song that you might like jack And I'll sing it if you like it. You can have it. All right My kid brother was a lazy kid One day's work is all the work that he did He wrote a song entirely wrong up in yonkers. It is going strong Georgia Gordon and the other gang Listen to the song that he sang they said Cannot miss found to be a hit How can it miss? How can it miss? When the chorus goes like this What Lily? Lily off the valley Lily won't you be my pal You're the sweetest little flower of the lot Who's been my lily? I said be my lily and I'll be or forget me That was great. I'll find room for that in my picture if I have to cut myself out of one scene That's the hey jack. I really hope you can fix it. Oh, mr. Benny. Mr. Warner will see you now. Thank you. Come on, Mary. You too, Danny I I Hope you can fix it. Oh, mr. Benny mr. Warner will see you now. Thank you. Come on, Mary. You too, Danny Hello, mr. Warner. Hello, mr. Warner. Hello, mr. Warner. Hello jack. How you Danny? Hello, Mary. Sit down. Thank you Thank you. I'll go out and get a chair for myself Oh, excuse me, Mary take my chair Well jack, I bet you're pretty excited now that we're going to make the story of your life Yes, I'm quite thrilled. We've got the whole thing laid out jack We start with the day you were born then comes a scene when you're starting school your first date with a girl your graduation Your enlistment in the navy aren't you doing a scene when he made his first bank deposit? Oh We passed that that was the day he was born Danny don't be so funny. Anyway, that picture is going to be directed by me You you're going to direct the picture. I'm going to write it too Oh directed and righted, huh? Yes, sir Who's going to supervise it? I am Who's going to produce it? I am Who's going to finance it? May I have the next dance with you, mrs. Livingston? Danny, please Now look jack, we've been making pictures for a long time and you're not going to tell us how to run our business Well, I'll get this We're going to make a picture called a life of jack benny and you're not going to direct it I'm not no and you're not going to write it supervise it or produce it. Well, I guess you're right. I should be satisfied just starring in it Well jack That's what I wanted to talk to you about Mary give me my chair back What did you want to talk to me about mr. Warner? Well, we feel that somebody else ought to play the part of jack benny Somebody else. Yes forever say what's the matter with me? Well, you've been jack benny too long What we feel that we ought to inject some new blood new blood any blood will help Mary keep out of this Well, look mr. Warner if you don't think i'm capable of playing myself in my own picture Who did you have in mind? Danny k Danny k Yes, that's why I sent for him you sent Danny Danny. Don't just sit there say something Now Danny you know about this all the time. No, I didn't jack really I didn't this is all a big surprise to me Imagine even thinking I'm making the picture of my life without my being in it. Oh now jack I didn't say you weren't going to be in it. I have something very important for you. You have yes You're going to play the part of your father I'm going to play my own father. Yes Danny k will be your son And I think Mary will be excellent in the part of jack's childhood sweetheart. So do I you'll be part of this Yes, papa Oh my papa To me he was so wonderful. Oh, come on me a crater All right boys. All right, let's let's cut this out now boys Here's the here's a scene. I want you to try Danny It's where you come in and ask your father for money to buy a violin You read the father's part jack. Okay, I'll never know why Stop mumbling Go ahead Danny. Remember you're asking your father for money and you're jack benny at the age of nine Boy, what a tough part Now papa I would never Wait a minute when I was nine years old I could talk Now read it right Okay, go ahead Danny. Ask the old man again Who? Oh, I'm old papa Would like to have a four thousand yen to buy a little What's the idea of doing japanese? Well isn't war chicken in japan? No, it's an illinois keeper All right, try it again Danny try it again. Now remember you're a little country boy. Okay Uh Hey poor Oh, what do you think I was when I was a kid a moron? Besides you outgrown Yeah, have them to bet see Now Danny, you better try it as a city boy city boy. Yeah a park Uh, I look I've been waiting very far 25 years. I like to have a two three Now cut that out. Look here mr. Warner if this is the way you're going to do the story of my life You can drop the whole thing. All right. All right, then we won't make the picture. Well, I wish I'd be so hasty What bothering you you're bothering me and i'm sick of it We're not going to make the life of jack benny. Well, that's okay with me. Goodbye. Come on mary. Come on Ladies and gentlemen jack will be back in a minute to tell you about his television program Which goes on at 7 p.m. Tonight over the cbs television network But first let's hear that catchy lucky strike light up time tune again Yes, sir when it's light up time for you light up the lucky you couldn't make a better choice Here's why Lucky strike is the cigarette of fine light naturally good tasting tobacco Lucky strike means fine tobacco and lucky strike is the cigarette that's toasted Yes, it's toasted to bring lucky's naturally good tasting tobacco to its peak of flavor so that it tastes even better Cleaner pressure smoother Fine tobacco and it's toasted add up to real deep down smoking enjoyment for you So be happy go lucky fire cotton and try them out when you light up I'll bet you find a lucky is the best tasting cigarette you ever smoked Light up the lucky it's light up time We happy go lucky it's light up time For the taste that you like light up the lucky strike right now Light up the lucky I'm sorry, they're not going to do the picture of your life jack. Oh, that's all right dammy after all I'm on radio and television as a matter of fact. I do a television show tonight you do Yeah, I'd like to see that. You know, I've never done any television Well, danny, why don't you walk over to the tv studio with me? Look jack, I walked over to your radio show and wound up doing a free get shot from now on you walk alone Okay, good night, danny. See you on tv folks The jackliny show tonight was written by milk josesburg john tackaberry al goldman al gordon and produced and transcribed by hillyard marx Filter smokers true tobacco taste real filtration famous tarotin quality They're all yours when you smoke filter tip tarotin filter tip tarotin gives you all the full rich taste of tarotin's quality tobacco And real filtration too because filter tip tarotin incorporates activated charcoal Renowned for its unusual powers of selective filtration Look for the red white and blue stripes on the package They identify filter tip tarotin the best in filtered smoking The jack many programs brought to you by the american tobacco company america's leading manufacturer of cigarettes