 I'm just trying to, that recording is on. All right, so welcome back. And yeah, we've spent the last two hours just discussing on challenges in marriage. The last time we looked at how certain practical ways of how we could overcome challenges. We're going to spend some time looking at certain challenges and what are the biblical instructions that are given for specific challenges that people do face. You know what the scriptures say, in couple of areas, one is when there is a spouse that is unsaved, if there is a divorce in marriage, if there is the death of a spouse and death and remarriage. So we're going to be looking at the biblical instructions of these four specific areas because I think it's good to know what scripture has instructed in these areas. So we're going to be reading a lot of scriptures and from there we will pick up truths that we have found, okay? So when we look at the first, one of the first areas that comes across as a challenge, does somebody have a question? No, okay, yeah, okay. So when we look at one of the first life challenges is when there is an unsaved spouse or a spouse who is not a believer in the unit, in the marriage unit. So this could probably happen through very many ways. You know, either both partners chose to get married before they were believers or they decided, the couple decided to marry when one was an unbeliever. So it is a possibility that one of you could be the only believer in the family and the spouse is not in the Lord. And this can create a lot of challenges and difficulties because of the differences that one sees in faith. And I'm sure there are many times that y'all also would have personally come across people who face these challenges. I just want to open this up and ask as to, what have you noticed to be difficulties that a saved and an unsaved spouse faces when they are married together? So would, you know, maybe out of your observations you've seen or what have been the differences that have some often led to this conflict. Okay, I'm just going to pause. I think Shri Kumar, you have a question on the assignment. Yes, Pastor, I have a question on assignment. Yes. Can I just? Go ahead. Pastor, there is a problem which I am facing. Like it's marking wrong even few questions, which is even if we, you know, it is not taking it in the right way. It's actually marking almost everything wrong. Like, so how, how we will let correct it, even that there you mentioned it, that also it's very wrong. All right. So don't worry about it. The reason is because I have not put an answer key there. Okay. Even there is answer key is also there, but that also it is showing wrong actually. Okay. Because that is a proper sentence. You maybe you are given. So I only put two points. Maybe that is there in the sentence. No problem. So the answer, the reason why I, some of them I've left blank is because, you know, you may use different words to mean the same thing. So don't worry about it. Each, each assess assignment that assessment that comes back comes back. I look through the entire thing. So I will manually mark it again. So don't worry if you're getting zero out of 35 because I'm going to manually look through each of your assessments and you will, I will return it to you with the marked one. Okay. So don't be perturbed by what you're seeing. Thank you. Thanks. Okay. All right. Okay. Because it's, it's a machine. It's a program. And yeah. Okay. All right. Okay. So yeah. So I'm opening up the question. What do you think have been the challenges that you've seen when an unbeliever and a believer joins together in marriage? What have you all seen as conflicts that happened? Yes, Charles, please go ahead. I hope we can hear you. It's always good to hear your thoughts, Charles. How about now? Can you hear me now? Yes. Yes, we can hear you now. Yes. Okay. Okay. The Lord. When one of the spouse is not saved, I have, I saw that challenge. For instance, one of the spouse was still taking, was smoking and taking alcohol. And the lady would be now the one to wash them, to clean. And this man would come when they are totally, totally drenched with alcohol. And they cannot even shift their legs. Sometimes they would call her. Your husband has failed to move. Come and help. And she would go and pee. It would be very outlook. The way the society is looking at the spouse is totally different. It's like, this is a failed marriage. This is something that is failing. But one of the reasons, as I've said, is the society, what they are looking at them and the way they are making comments. And again, it would, another point would lower the esteem of the spouse who is already saved because he's like, why me? Why doesn't she change? Am I praying wrongly? I have prayed for my spouse to get saved but he's not getting saved. So such things can be lingering in the brains in the mind of the spouse who is already saved, a gaze, and then the society would be looking at them differently. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you, Charles. Yes, absolutely. Okay. Sri Kumar, I think you had an observation. Yes, Pastor, thank you. Pastor, yeah, as an unbeliever, we can say this. I observe these things like, for them, the marriage is like their family is forcing them to do. There is no counseling in their marriage, you know. And they just look that, okay, now the person is now their age, as per their age now, he or she has to get married and they just find a good proposal and they just do it. And there is no formal counseling training and is given to them. And for them, many times it is just a usual thing or a casual thing. They can anytime, they can just get into wrong things. And it doesn't mean that every unbeliever's marriage is like that only. There are so many marriages which I saw that they are living a good family life far better than Christian's marriage. So that is also there. But when we look to the believers, I also find that even though we have all the privileges, but even I saw that there are worst things happens in believers' marriage. Like it doesn't, I also saw that like, you know, even though Jesus is this, they call themselves as believers, they are born in a Christian family, they come together. But there is that lifestyle, there is in the lifestyle, there is no purity, there is no holiness. You know, there is no faithfulness with each other. And if you say that, okay, that's an believer's marriage, it should be blessed the way how we think or what the Bible says. And that never happens. And so I think so that it again, it depends upon whether it is a believer or it's an unbeliever. It is a person who it is their individual responsibility that they should take care of each other and their commitment for each other. They should maintain their purity and holiness because I saw that even an unbeliever's marriage is also there. They live in purity, they keep their marriage so pure and secure even though they're absence or in the absence of God. But there are so many marriages I saw in the believer's life that they have spoiled and they are at the edge of divorce or so many things. That's my observation. Thank you, Pastor. Absolutely. Thank you. So I think even Anita has put up that observation. She said, sometimes we just married to a Christian and not a believer and their idea of marriage is based on the example set by their parents leading to continue the same mistakes that are carried by previous generation. So I do agree. It's not just about being a believer but also being following what God's word says that really makes the marriage fruitful. So someone who does place their trust in God should also be able to work out their righteousness. Yes, so I do agree with that. Susan, I think you had also put up your hand. Would you like to share? Yes, Susan, go ahead. One of my church believer girl, she got married to an unbeliever boy. So before marriage, she was a good prayer barrier. She used to come to church and pray for hours. But after marriage, she used to come but not regularly in between. So one day she opened a garment shop to start a business and she asked her husband permission for prayer. He said, okay, you can pray. So she called us church believers and we went and we prayed for that shop. And within after prayer, what he did, he was a Buddhist. He brought a picture of Ambedkar and he also called his friends and they started to do their prayer. So that was very, means I shamed and she started crying. So such kind of conflict soccer. Absolutely, thank you, Susan. Yes, we may see it in different forms and different sizes. I know personally, I have friends who've, believers who've been married to unbelievers and discuss about how even little decisions that they take become very conflicting because there's one person who's very practical oriented. The other person says, you know, I wanna wait on God and find out the answer. And then there are issues with that. There are issues with times of devotion, times of how you discipline children in the ways of the Lord, you know, in scripture that can be difficulty in the way that they see marriage in itself, you know. I think there's one couple who significantly struggle with having the interference of other family members and the spouse feels that, you know, as parents, they are close to God and they should be given first priority. Whereas the other spouse knows scripture says that, you know, the unit is one and should be stronger than anything else. So there can be very many reasons and ways of how issues turn out, you know, when two people are married and who have a difference in their faith, not just spiritually, but even in the practical ways of life. So what does one do? Okay, what does scripture teach us in such situations? Would someone, I'm on page 132, would someone read 1 Corinthians 7, 12 to 16 and somebody else can read 1 Peter 3, 1 and 2. So 1 Corinthians 7, 12 to 16 and 1 Peter 3, 1 and 2. You could just quickly unmute and read out loud. Yeah, 1 Corinthians 7, 12 to 16. To the other, as I say, I myself, not the Lord. If a Christian man has a wife who is an unbeliever and she agrees to go on living with him, he must not divorce her. And if a Christian woman is married to a man who is an unbeliever and he agrees to go on living with her, she must not divorce him. For the unbelieving husband is made acceptable to God by being united to his wife. And the unbelieving wife is made acceptable to God by being united to her Christian husband. If this were not so, their children would be like pagan children. But as it is, they are acceptable to God. However, if the one who is not a believer wishes to live, the Christian partner let it be so. In such cases, the Christian partner, whether husband or wife is free to act, God has called you to live in peace. How can you be sure, Christian wife, that you will not save your husband? Oh, how can you be sure, Christian husband, that you will not save your wife, a man? Thank you, Charles, thank you. Someone else, 1 Peter 3, 1 and 2? Yes, ma'am. 1 Peter 3, 1 and 2. Go ahead Prabhakar, I think it was Prabhakar who started. Please go ahead. Go ahead, somebody, somebody can read. Okay, I'll read that. Yes, Kennedy, go ahead. In the same way, you wives must submit yourselves to your husband so that if any of them do not believe God's word, your conduct will win them over to believe. It will not be necessary for you to say our God's word because they will see how you are and reverence your conduct is. Thank you. Thank you, Kennedy. So through these two scriptures, some instructions that we are to maintain to call for is one. We, if the unbelieving spouse and the believing spouse is willing to live together peacefully to not divorce one another. Okay, they continue to just the role of the believing wife as we, you know, as we had spoken about and as we had learned is to be in respect and in submission to her unbelieving husband. But this is of course only if it is as unto the Lord. That is, there shouldn't be any, it shouldn't be against the word of God. Her submission to the husband is not, it shouldn't be against the word of God. So avoiding divorce, if they are willing to peacefully live together, be in submission and respect to the unbelieving husband or, you know, love and care for and lead the unbelieving wife. As long as it is in the Lord and not in violation of your faith and what God's word says, okay? So that's one. The second is to know, you know, we see this in 1 Corinthians 7 verse 14. It says, if their children would be like pagan children, but as it is, they are acceptable to God. So through the faith of the believing spouse, there is, you know, they are made, there is a blessing for the unbelieving spouse as well as their children because of your faith in him. I think some versions also point out, and I'm just going to look, just give me a minute. I'm just going to look at the other versions that talk about this. And I think the word that is used there is sanctified. I'm just finding that. Yeah. So in the KJV, I think, or even in the NKJV, in the KJV it's written that the unbelieving spouse, unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, okay? That is they are consecrated or they're made holy. They are purified because of the unbelieving spouse. So they are sanctified, okay? And so also the other way. So we see that, you know, that is the, that's the instruction that's given. And lastly, that only if the unbelieving spouse chooses to leave the marriage or abandons the marriage should they be allowed to leave, okay? Then the spouse, the believing spouse, can dissolve the marriage and move forward. So the instruction given is if they continue to stay, it is important that they stay, but if not, they are allowed to move forward. No, okay, so Beth, your question was, unbelieving spouse is sanctified. Does that mean saved for eternity? No, it does not mean saved for eternity. Each person needs to come to a personal relationship with God for eternity. This sanctification is to a blessing, you know? When you pray or as a member of the family, when you have your faith in God, the rest of the members are recipients of the faith that you share. So the blessing, you know, they partake in the blessing that they have, but definitely not for eternity. It is, it's not, each person has to have, their own relationship with God has to come to their own confession and believing with God. It's not saved for eternity, but they have the blessings of God while they are here, right? I hope I clarified that. So that's what it would mean when you say they're acceptable to God, where they are, there is a blessing upon their lives at this point of time, but not eternal, not salvation. Salvation doesn't come over them. It's a blessing that there is, okay? Moving on, it is, we're going to look at instructions God has given with regard to divorce and marriage, okay? So I'm again on page, page 123. 33. Would someone please read the verses, Malachi 2, 14 and 16? And we will read Matthew 19, 3 and 9. There are a couple of verses. We will just probably read the verse in Malachi 2, 14 and 16 and Matthew 19, 3 to 9. Please go ahead. Yes. Would somebody like to read? Go on. Malachi 2, 14 and 16. You ask why he no longer accepts them? It is because he knows you, you have broken your promise to the wife, you married when you were young. She was your partner and you have broken your promise to her, although you promised for God that you would be faithful to her. Didn't God make you one body and split with her? What was his purpose in this? It was that you should have children who are truly God's people. So make sure that none of you breaks his promise to his wife. I hate divorce as the Lord God of Israel. I hate it when one of you does such a cruel thing to his wife. Make sure you do not break your promise to be faithful to your wife. Thank you, Christopher. Would someone read Matthew 19, 3 to 9? That's on the next page, I think. No, the same page. One, two, three. Go ahead. Matthew 19, 3 to 9. Some Pharisees came to him and tried to trap him by asking, does our law allow a man to divorce his wife for whatever reason he wishes? Jesus answered, haven't you read the scripture that says that in the beginning, the Creator made people male and female? And God said, for this reason, a man will live his father and mother and unite with his wife and the two will become one. So they are no longer two, but one. No human being must separate then what God has joined together. The Pharisees asked him, why then did Moses give the law for a man to hand his wife a divorce notice and send her away? Jesus answered, Moses gave you permission to divorce your wives because you are so hard to teach, but it was not like that at the time of creation. I tell you, then that any man who divorces his wife for any cause other than her unfaithfulness commits adultery if he marries some other woman. Thank you. Thank you, Simon. Okay. So through these scriptures, there are a couple more, but I've just taken the few that will highlight the point that we want to bring up is, it makes scripture is clear that God is against divorce. He does not approve of divorce and that is our greater understanding. So I've seen often, even as couples have been having conflicts, the word divorce and separation is used extremely flippantly, okay? And the instruction is not to, not the instruction, but it is very unhealthy when couples bring about this word and then they keep throwing that out. If we can't get in together, let's divorce. So it's not an option that a marriage should consider, okay? Now, there may be times that, so I'm giving you situations like, let's say where there is violence, there is significant violence in the marriage where there is a person's life, one of the spouse's life is threatened. In such cases, you do the best you can to keep the marriage going. Maybe initially it is probably to temporarily separate for a period of time till help is sought, till things are worked out, not considering divorce as a solution to the problems, but to work on it as best as possible. So I have this couple who I'm currently working with where the husband has been into alcohol addiction for over 15 years and it's a cycle over and over again. It's been a cycle, they believe us, yet the husband is into an addiction. So the wife has been continuously working, praying, supporting, going through a lot of extreme stress, I think very similar to what Charles was talking about. But the last episode, it so happened that the husband in his intoxication went for the throat of the wife, was choked her and she had to call for help and if the kids did not come in and young children, ages of 10 and eight, if the children hadn't come in, probably she would have passed out. So in a condition like that, she has decided to move away for a particular period of time till he's willing to get into rehabilitation, get the health that he wants and then see how he progresses and then come back. So the divorce was not an option. Now these situations are extremely hard, but she was aware that divorce was not an option, but needed to know that she couldn't enable the behavior like that, but needed to have him get in for help because it was further affecting their lives and the lives of the children. So not considering divorce as a solution, but if there requires a period of separation to work through this, that's when you look at it, okay? Scripture shows that there are only two reasons for why divorce should take place. One is adultery, as we saw in Matthew 99 and abandonment, what we saw in the previous scripture in 1 Corinthians 715 that if an unbelieving partner or a partner leaves, you know, abundance, then they are free to choose divorce. However, even in these situations, the attempt is to restore and heal the marriage. Only after good effort has been made, help has been taken, would you be free to exercise the choice, okay? Maybe other situations where there could be neglect or there is any kind of a destructive behavior that sometimes could lead to separation and divorce. Sometimes there may be one partner who is willing to work on the marriage, but the other opts out. Then we do understand that this may not be what God approves and desires of, yet they may choose to make that decision. And when such situations happen, and I'm sure we all have come across people who have been divorced, right? As believers, what should our response be? That those who are going through divorce are in significant painful and difficult situations. And we need to be careful not to pass judgment, not to single them out, not to come to a place of ensuring that you speak correction, but to be in a place of grace and gentleness and support them through that. Because we know that in every situation, whatever choices we make, it is only the grace and the mercy of God that works in our lives, okay? So if now there may be times that in the course of time, if they are being led to remarry, we often, we take that to bless them as well. However, we do bring about scripture that says, which we are going to be looking at, apart from remarriage is possible only if there is death, we bring about that scripture back to them. However, we pray that God would lead them to the right choice. And even as we're saying that we want to be careful that we do not support these, these cyclical divorce, remarriage, divorce, remarriage that happens in maybe in certain parts of our culture where marriage needs to be looked at as an institution to be honored. So we support remarriage only within a context of biblical instruction and knowing that, it's God's heart and mind that has helped the person make this decision. Yes, Samuel, you had a question. Samuel, did you have a question? Yes, yes. Yes, go ahead. Yeah. So I'm thinking with children in perspective. So, you know, yes, divorce is definitely not an option, definitely not so, but so one aspect that I have often heard, you know, thrown around also is, let's say husband and wife refuse to see eye to eye and there is more conflict at home. The father and mother constantly fighting, screaming and shouting, bringing down each other. It's really an unhealthy environment for the children. And I don't know if the Bible says anything much about that. I mean, how kids were brought up back then and how the environment that surrounds a children now with depression on the rise, suicide rates on the rise. And we often see that kid children coming from families, that are either broken or even families that have so much conflict, it affects their personalities. So in the light of that, so, you know, even then there's no unfaithfulness, there's nothing, but husband and wife, there's just so much fight. One, I think easy option that a lot of parents resort to is putting the kids in the hostel in boarding schools, which again I feel, I mean, I went to boarding from grade one and I don't see that as a very good thing. I feel kids should stay with their parents and should be raised by their parents. However, kids being raised by parents who themselves are conflicted and are fighting all the time. So anything that you wanna, you know, I mean, I think it affects the kids a lot and it's not no longer just the two individuals. I mean, they are selfish and obviously they're thinking just about themselves, but these kids who are like sponges soaking everything and are watching their parents putting down each other all the time, how does that affect and what should believers do? How can, what sort of intervention should come at all? So Samuel, absolutely, these are extremely hard situations. You know, when we're going to be looking into the parenting, chapters on parenting, we will begin to see that a home, a good home for a children involves the unity of parents. And when that doesn't happen, children are exasperated. In fact, Ephesians 6 talks about it. Fathers do not exasperate your children, right? So there are times and there are situations where parents continue to be in severe conflict with each other, the children being pulled into a dilemma like this. And so the instructions that I think we can pick from here is one, if it begins to significantly affect the children, I mean, the word significant is so relative, you know, even anything that is not a piece at home can affect a child and it really depends on how a child takes it. I mean, there could be one child who's able to take a lot and someone who just can't even stand the fact that the parents don't even talk to each other, right? Or that they seem angry, they have just difficult expressions on their faces. So even as I'm saying that, it doesn't make holistic sense, however, to know that if it's significantly affecting, like I said in this case, the children were exposed to the sense of a violence over the mother. And there were earlier times where the father lashed out and the children hit the child when the safety of children, mental health concerns of children are at stake, probably a wiser thing to do is to stay separated for a point of time till the couple can get help and ways through which they could learn to cooperate with one another. And even as I'm saying this, I think I need to help us understand that maybe not all couples, even after counseling, come together like a unified team. Sometimes that doesn't happen. But what you're hoping to give them is at least some code of conduct. How taking away their focus of themselves and for the sake of the children bringing up a home that seems the least conflicting, okay? So there are times when couples are willing, they don't see eye to eye at all. There is absolute disagreement between the two. But through counseling sessions, they come up with an understanding that, okay, we will decide that these things is something we will not do, okay? We don't, so that definitely requires a lot of engaging in time, being intentional about it, keeping away one's ego, keeping away one's need for power, for authority, all of that. So that this takes significant periods of time because a lot of times couples are so much wallowing in their pain and their hurt that they want themselves to win, right? So they have to come to a place that the focus no more is on them because if they are not able to unite together, the next doable goal is focus on the children. And so there are times that that has also happened. That's not an ideal situation. I do say that's not an ideal situation. You're called to be together in love, but there may be times that that just doesn't help happen because of the personalities of the people who we are involved in. So in a case like this, I number one say, if it's significantly affecting the children, take a time of take period of separation where you're willing to get back and working on it even maybe from a distance to a point of time. So I have couples who are doing that, who don't live together, but live separate but still do come for counseling just to support, just because they care about the children and how this is going to impact them. And I see that's so beautiful because when God said the children are a gift, actually, that's what melts many parents to or many couples to live in peace with one another, build down their egos or be willing to overcome good for evil. And the way that God's instituted is perfect. I mean, I'd say if there weren't children in the equation, we'd have many people walking out because there is nothing that's keeping them there, right? Unless, of course, they believe that it is the faith that they have in God. So yeah, this is the best answer I can give. I know not an easy one. Thank you. Okay, right. So we look into the next one, which is the death of a spouse. What happens in the death of a spouse? And I'll probably just pick up one or two scriptures. There's a lot more of scripture. You can take some time to read it. I'm reading through Psalm 68 verse five. It says, a father of the fatherless, a defender of widows is God in his holy habitation. Psalm 146, nine, the Lord watches over the strangers. He relieves the fatherless and widow, but the way of the wicked, he turns upside down. So we know that losing a spouse to death is an extremely, if you look at, there is something called as a stress scale and the highest stress in a human being is felt at the death of a spouse or a child. So we see that it is an extremely painful thing, but scripture shows that the Lord is the one who brings about comfort. The Lord is the one who brings about defense, who watches, who relieves, who is the one who establishes the living spouse. And with God's help to get them back on moving forward, completing whatever is left in store for them. We also see from 1st Timothy five, three to 16, I'm not going through that, but it shows how as a body of Christ and maybe as extended family, there are instructions that are given as to how you take care of those who have been, take care of those who are widowed, okay? And you will see a lot of things that have been given, that are given as instructions. So being able to minister to them, to support them, to comfort them, ensuring that there is a protection for them and not left to any kind of an exploitation. So that's from 1st Timothy five, three to 16. You can just take some time to read it. The last part we're going to be looking at is death and remarriage. In this, there are two verses I'd want to bring up. Maybe someone could read these two verses. This is Romans seven, two and three, that's on page 135. Romans seven, two and three, and 1st Corinthians seven, eight to nine, if someone can read those two verses, please. Romans seven versus two and three. For instance, a wife is legally tied to her husband where he lives, but if he dies, she's free. If she lives with another man while her husband is living, she is obviously an adulteress, but if he dies, she is quite free to marry another man in good conscience with no one's disapproval. You could go ahead and read 1st Corinthians seven, eight to nine also, Sam. Okay, 1st Corinthians seven, eight to nine. Now to the unmarried and to the widows, I say that it would be better for you to continue to live alone as I do. But if you cannot restrain your desires, go ahead and marry. It's better to marry than to burn with passion. Right, thank you, thank you, Sam. So the instruction that's given here is that a widow or a widower is free to be married once, if they choose or if they desire to after the death of their spouse. And we, as even as a church, we support that and we come alongside to help and bless their lives. However, having said so, it is important that if there is a remarriage that takes place, there should be definite preparation because it is again a place of adjustment where there are two families coming together, probably each having their own set of children where they're gonna come together to come into a blended family. A blended family is one where there are children from either sides of the spouse, either side of the couples that come together that becomes a blended family. So being able to prepare themselves on working with each other and also in a way that helps the entire family come together and join together in love and working together as a new family. So there should be prior preparation that happens when a person does choose to remarry. So we looked at these four challenges. We looked at an unsaved spouse. We looked at the death of a spouse. We looked at death and remarriage and divorce and remarriage. So we've looked at the biblical instructions of this and do the best to adhere to whatever God has instituted. However, there could be cases in which there may be other choices that are made. We ask for the Lord's wisdom and seek the Lord through each of these choices and wait upon the Lord when these instructions may not go as per what scriptures has seen. But we yet believe and know that what God has said in his word is what he approves of, all right? Quickly, if there are no questions, we could close with a word of prayer. Is there any questions, any observations? A quick one or two minute and we can close. Okay, maybe not. All right, may I request Prabhakar? Would you please close with a word of prayer? Any person? Sure, go ahead. Father, we thank you Lord. Father, we come to your presence. Father, we wanna thank you for all the instructions, for your guidance, for your help, Lord. Father, we know Lord this marriage and family is sensitive, Father. We know, God, you are more interested than us, so, Father, you instituted marriage, your father, you instituted family, your father. Father, we pray, God, Jesus, that you will be able to follow your word and be asked that your Holy Spirit will guide us through you, Father, to be victorious, Father, even in this area of Father, to glorify your name, Father. We pray that you will bless each and every one of us for your glory in Jesus' name, Father. Amen, amen. Thank you, thank you, Prabhakar. Thank you all. Samuel, you said, wondering how, wondering how the unmarried amongst us are feeling, okay? Yeah, I think it'd be good to hear what the unmarried are feeling. It's, you know, God's there, God's in control, guys. So, just completely lay your hands on him and he will lead you through. Thank you, have a good and blessed week ahead. A reminder of the assessment once again, please do complete it before the 5th of November. God bless, God go with you. May you experience and enjoy the communion of the Holy Spirit. Bye-bye. Thank you, Pastor. Thank you. Thank you, Pastor. Thank you.