 Just climbed to this cave temple Don't know if you can see it up there some really great views And they really peaceful place been traveling a lot over the past few days Really enjoying it having a good time, and I'm just on the way back now To the car just gonna walk through this jungle forest And across the bridge over there back to the car on the other side of the river So we had a video on this topic the other day Similar theme about why you should not have sex with the narcissist And I think this is a very important topic Especially from my own experience Let's just recap on what a narcissist is This is someone who is self-absorbed and they lack empathy So they're not really concerned about you. They don't even take the time to get to know you Or have a conversation with you to learn more about you They don't ask you any questions. Their mind is already made up about you already They've already got you figured out or so they think so there's no willingness to Share your feelings or understand your experience They don't care about that. It's all about them They live in this bubble This world inside their heads with a population of one It's just them and it's not even them at all actually Because they created a false character a false self That is meant to be everything that you could ever want in your life Well, at least that's what they think But then they also know as well, of course, you don't really want something fake you want something real But they can't give you that all they can do is manipulate you They already know you don't want to see who they really are Of course, they know you don't want to see that that's why they hide it from you At least until they've got you attached to them emotionally That's when they rip the mask off and they show you exactly who they are by devaluing you or ghosting you Or even withholding from you the very things that you need or the things that you want such as sex And I'm sure you've experienced this a lot of times as well Where you're meant to be in this committed relationship, maybe a marriage And suddenly they just withhold sex from you and yet at the same time Maybe they still expect you to give them money or they're staying in your home And then you may later discover that they have other sources of supply to having sex with other people on the side as well and Yes, it can be very frustrating Very confusing as well as it may even make you question yourself where you wonder What is wrong with you? Why weren't you good enough for them, but you write you have to recognize that it really has nothing to do with you at all It's all about them and how they can't be satisfied They have these unsatiable these insatiable desires that can never be fulfilled So Yeah, once you've been with them long enough, you'll never feel like you're good enough for them They'll always want something else or something more But they get you hooked in it as well They will go above and beyond To fulfill your sexual fantasies And then all of a sudden they'll start devaluing you or ghosting you After they've just got you hooked and Yeah, it just makes you want it even more When they're withholding it from you it frustrates you sexually and Yes, it is very cruel and Very unfair treatment It's not right at all for them to do that. But of course as we know that's how they get supply At the same time they're getting supply from their other sources of supply When they love bombing them So, yes, it can be very dangerous when you get involved with these types of people Because they will have you Desiring something from them Whether it's sex or something else And then all of a sudden they will take it away they will they will withhold it from you and By that point you may have already developed an emotional attachment Which to some extent that's completely normal. It's healthy But then it becomes unhealthy because you become dependent on this person Who is like a child The very mature they're playing games with you The mess and you around they're doing all of these things So, yeah, it really messes you up And you may even feel it immediately After the sexual act After the sexual Experience with them You may feel like your energy is drained. You're very confused You Feel like you've lost Value in yourself as though you've just degraded yourself As though it's affected your self-worth and self-esteem As though what you just did with them was very wrong Because as I said, they are self-absorbed and they lack empathy It's like they just use your body as a tool Appliance They view you as this object that exists to meet their sexual needs Rather than you being a separate person With your own feelings and needs That they're meant to meet as well They might meant to satisfy you as well because You're supposed to be in a relationship a Committed relationship a marriage And of course that should be certain standards that you expect I mean, of course, I'm not talking about if it's early days you're dating Or you only just got into a relationship And the other person wants to wait they don't want to jump in too quick. I Mean, that's fine. That's healthy Of course It is better to wait in those types of situations Get to know the person first See what they're like see what they're about connect to them emotionally and Then When things become sexual It will have more meaning and it will be more enjoyable for you So of course, I'm not talking about that. I am talking about Relationships where you've been together for a while and marriages and They make you think that it's something in the beginning and then it turns into something else and you don't know what's going on It's confusing you and You feeling validated You feel undeserving Unworthy as though you're not good enough for this. Oh something is wrong with you And that's exactly how you will feel when you are around these types of people Especially when you are Intimately involved sexually involved with them You're always going to be left feeling unworthy As though something is wrong with you because that's exactly how they feel about themselves and they project that onto you You feel about energy, but they're over there feeling like Nothing is wrong with them. They're perfect They've done everything right. They did all they could the you So as always you're the one who is left to take accountability for that You're left to look within And try to fix it As though it's your problem your mistake When you didn't feel like there was anything wrong with you before you got involved of them, I Mean things weren't perfect, but you thought you were alright So they stir up all this mess within you this dysfunction Well, you think there's all of these things wrong with you And then you're searching on YouTube you find my videos You find this community And now you're starting to realize that It's not just that you can keep trying and Do the best you can And even then when that's not good enough you keep trying even more and even more again You can do that as long as you like It's not going to make a difference You will always be left feeling unworthy And undeserving as though you're not good enough whenever you're around a narcissist That's just how it's going to be Unless of course, it's just something just for the weekend or it's a one-night stand Always be so bad with narcissists But something really short-term and your emotions are not involved That's different That's a completely different situation all together Of course what I'm talking about the problem is when your emotions are involved and It's not like you're just hanging on and they made it clear to you. It's a one-night stand It's just for sexual purposes only nothing more than that No, they didn't do that They made you believe that it was something more it was a relationship you were intimately involved They manipulated your emotions. They got you attached to them They led you on they strung you along and then they pulled it away Left you feeling unworthy and deserving as though you're not good enough because that's exactly how they want you to feel They want to invalidate you they want you to feel small They want to do all these things to you but the problem lies with them They can't be intimately involved with you They can't connect emotionally Because they lack empathy That is why as you may have noticed The sex is not very good with Narcissists I Can say this because I know it from my own experience. I've experienced it many times where I've had sex with certain narcissists in my life and following the act the Engagement I felt like shit. I Felt like something was wrong with me and I had all of this energy going into it all of this enthusiasm. I thought we were going to have a good time by the end of it My head was down Couldn't even smile. It was miserable Felt like something was wrong with me and there was just no closure no validation and sometimes You feel like you're intimately involved with them you're experiencing all of these sensations and emotions and You may see as well. Yes They get an orphan it It's gratifying of them. They're enjoying it They're experiencing All of these sensations They're having orgasms all of this stuff and yet Regardless of that you still feel like they're not connecting to you emotionally As though that they can't receive Your love And I think this is the biggest problem when we do have sex with narcissists It's like they can't feel your love And they can't reflect it. They can't reciprocate it back to you Which is what then leaves you feeling unworthy And then it makes you feel insecure and then you feel Even guilty You may even feel shame But that's their shame because they already know they should never have been intimately involved with you in the beginning They should never have the chance To get in your beds or to get you in their beds or wherever it is But you like to do it They should never had that opportunity with you And the reason why I say that is because they created a false character which they used to manipulate you All of these things that they were never about love intimacy a connection all of the things that you want They knew that they never had that to give to you So of course you were going to be left feeling this way feeling insecure feeling undeserving Feeling guilt and shame and it's just not healthy. You shouldn't feel that way When you're intimately involved with someone It's supposed to feel good that I can tell you it does feel good When you are connected with someone if you haven't experienced this already When someone is able to show empathy and compassion And they can share Your feelings and understand your experience When someone is able to do that for you it is an incredible feeling It really is especially If you don't jump into it too quickly If it's something where you wait and you talk to them for a while first you connect to them Emotionally before you get involved sexually And then when you do that and then it's a gradual process Maybe it's something where first you Go to a spa or you go to the beach And then you get to see them in a pair of shorts or a bikini or something And then after that then you begin Foreplay and then maybe the next time oral sex And then after that then you are full intercourse And when you go through these stages these processes, I mean You know, we don't really want to see it in a logical way So much. I mean, it's meant to be fun, but just for your understanding To see it as stages As something that it's leading to Because it should be more about the journey rather than Just this goal, this destination Of having sex, having an orgasm That's not something that should come so quickly If it does most often you will end up feeling unfulfilled In a relationship I mean, of course with one night stands that's different But if you're looking for a real connection intimacy It's much better when you wait And you get to connect to the other person to understand them And then it makes you feel more comfortable as well Because you know that they're willing to wait They're actually interested in you as a person And getting to know you So it's just better all around that way It really is And I'm an old fashioned man myself Anyway So If I am to be intimately involved with someone I don't think that Women should be having One night stands or these weekends With men I don't think that's right at all I mean, I'm not saying I've never had a one night stand in my entire life Of course not I have done that before I've had these experiences, yes And I do believe that Women value men Based on their experiences They want an experienced man That is what they want While Yes, men Prefer women who haven't had too much experience Because they want to be the teacher They want to show you Things for the first time Or just where you haven't had too much experience before them And I think that's typically how it goes That's typically just what men and women want And it's what works best in intimate relationships But with narcissists, of course, it's never like that And they lie to you, they future fake They make you believe that it's a relationship It's a future When they were never about that to begin with It was just to manipulate you And sometimes you may not even have sex with them at all That all you get is just the manipulation lies and future faking But either way, whether you have sex with them or not You can be sure that, yes, you will be left feeling dissatisfied and disappointed You will be left wanting more And if it's not from them, you may end up having sexual fantasies about someone else Because they can't fulfill you They can't give you what you want And what you want is It's not all about a larger penis Or a tighter vagina It's not so much about the physical, is it? It's that emotional side of it That emotional connection That's more important than anything else And of course, that is what was missing with the narcissist That's what you didn't get from them So of course, in the end It's always us, we're the ones who are left Feeling dissatisfied Feeling disappointed Feeling undeserving and worthy Not good enough Feeling guilt, feeling shame Yes, I know, I felt all of these things before On many occasions in the past And that's how I'm able to validate your experience That's how I'm able to show you that you're not alone Because yes, I've been there, I've felt that sexual frustration That resentment Feeling like it's unfair And it's just not a nice feeling to experience But that is what you will experience When you are involved with a narcissist You're not going to be left feeling like You're on top of the world Like you just climbed a mountain Like you just scored a goal You're not going to be left feeling like that You're not going to be left feeling like that at all And in fact, what you are going to be left feeling like Is like something is wrong with you Or you fail to understand something You're going to be left feeling very confused, perplexed, bewildered You're going to be left feeling all of these things That's what you're going to be left feeling like Once you've been involved with a narcissist And it's going to make you look at yourself and question yourself As though something is wrong with you When there isn't because something was missing with the narcissist And all you really wanted and desired from them was an emotional connection That's all that you were desiring Because you didn't get that and you wanted it But the problem is you wanted it from someone who didn't have it to give And that is why you didn't get it Yes, that is why you didn't get that Even though you wanted it, you couldn't get it because they didn't have it If someone has it and they're involved with you, there's Really not much they can do about that These connections, these emotions It's not a choice It's going to be there It's perfectly normal, it's natural There's nothing wrong with that Yes, you will experience These intimate emotions The love, the joy, the happiness The pleasure and excitement And there's nothing wrong with that Sometimes, yes, they may shame you for that as well As though something is wrong with you, you shouldn't want that And that's only because they know they can't give that to you They know they don't have that to give And they don't want you to be seeking that somewhere else Because then they're the ones who are going to be left Feeling like something is wrong with them So they have to set it up in a way where They're coming in and yearning for something from them Which they failed to give to you But they set it up in a way as though No, it's you You're not good enough You're undeserving, you're unworthy Something is wrong with you And that is why you couldn't get it from them But I'm telling you right now With my five years of research and a lifetime of experience In this I can tell you that That is not the case at all It's not It's not even really a choice Whether or not you give that to someone It's just going to be there whether you like it or not It's just going to be there It's not something that you can control You can't control something like that These emotions You can't control that joy, love and excitement You can't control that at all And they're not controlling it They just don't even have it I don't know sometimes when it looks like they do But that's just a revelation That's only intended to deceive you And that is why by the end of it Even if you are sexually involved with them You're still left feeling dissatisfied And disappointed You're still left feeling that And this is why Because they never had it to give to you to begin with And I need you to understand that This is very important Because yes I know I understand that a lot of you out there Your experience has been invalidated due to this person's lack of empathy Their lack of ability to shed and understand your feelings and experience Causes you to feel like you're not good enough You're undeserving, you're unworthy Causes you to feel guilt and shame Causes you to feel insecure But you need to recognize that these are not your emotions These are not your feelings This is not even your experience It's just because of your empathy You are sharing their feelings and experience And taking it as your own And they're dumping that on you They're dumping that all over you Their guilt, their fear, their shame That's what's coming on top of you And they're projecting it onto you They're assigning it to you They're deflecting it away from themselves Because they don't want to deal with that And then you're taking on that energy As though it belongs to you When it does not So you need to recognize that Immediately as soon as it happens As soon as you feel those feelings and emotions You need to recognize that it doesn't belong to you And when you do that You will be validating your own feelings and experience So that's really it I mean of course If you are in a long-term relationship With a narcissist Or a marriage I'm not saying that You should just cut off having sex altogether I'm not saying that you should go and cheat on them Of course I'm not saying that at all Of course we all enjoy having sex I mean We all have that craving from time to time And although sex with a narcissist may not be perfect Sometimes yes it's difficult to control That you want to have sex You want to experience those physical sensations Even though you may not get the emotional side of that And of course I completely understand that I'm not saying you should completely stop having sex If you are married or you're in a long-term relationship And I'm also not saying that you should cheat on them I do not condone cheating at all So yes please be aware of that And of course what I do suggest and recommend Is that you should go no contact Especially if you are having these fantasies You're desiring something else Then of course that doesn't mean that you should go and cheat Or do something behind their back Of course I never condone that Yes you should find a way to go into contact And to do that you can speak to me at a one-on-one Or you can speak to a licensed therapist And they will be able to help you to do that And to decide whether or not it is safe for you to do that Because of course it does depend on your situation So yes these are all things to be aware of It's not always that simple But yes I am available for a one-on-one coaching session Which you can book on my website It is narksurvivor.co.uk And I'd just like to thank you for joining me on this live video today I do appreciate you all And you can show your support by sharing the video Giving it a thumbs up down below Let me know your thoughts in the comment section As I do read your comments every day And also check out my Instagram I've got new pictures and videos of my travels on there every day It's narksurvivor YouTube on Instagram Okay that's it for this one But I may have more videos on this topic again soon So hit that subscribe button down below And click the bell icon And then you'll receive all of the notifications for my future videos Okay so that's it for this one Thank you all for joining me I'll talk to you in another one