 Tuma sandwiches for breakfast. You understand? If you eat a tumor, do you get that tumor? What? Tuna. Tuma. Tuma. Like a brain tumor. You just shit it out. Surely I wonder if anyone's ever even tried to eat it before. Dude, let's eat. Should I google it? A tumor. Yeah, surely that'd be like similar. You just shit it out. It'd be similar to brain. Wouldn't it? Like eating a brain. Similar texture. Anyway, are we live man? Yeah, but not many. Yeah. No Mumbai this week. Mumbai's out. They're out of electricity. Shit. Is that your fault? Fucking racist. You just fucking swore. You just fucking swore. Fuck that corona. No, that's fucking man. No, you fucking three minutes. Yeah, that's all I want. No, it's fucked up. You said fucking man. I said yeah, and you said fucking that's what we're fucking born up about can't okay So the the corona beverage is fine. Yeah, no everything fuck me. There's so many rules in the world It's so true. Can I start afresh? Kona. Hey everyone. Kona Also guys this week this podcast You might have noticed it's more it's a little bit of light in the basement today It's because it's still daytime and that's because we're trying to film this early It's because it's Esther's seventh birthday today And I've got to get home because we're going to some big family dinner So we're trying to it might be a faster podcast than what you're used to all right Sorry about that Matt's got to go on fucking holidays. It's got a Tasmania for like fucking five days So that's why we have to film it today And we have to sort of get it done in an hour rather than like the usual two-hour time that we give it and excuse our Pash rash we had a lot of makeup on yeah, Michael looks do I look like a fucking clown? Yeah, you look like you've had a rough night Matt Brown was in out one of our website videos today. Oh Yeah, so have website videos so we filmed a video how to be sexy Matt Brown was the judge He's the king of sexy. All right, so that will be out on the website I don't know when you listen to this maybe a week from now or two weeks from now web Maybe it's already even out trying to back up content So it's hard to say when shit's coming out now. You know what I mean, but let's do these fucking sponsors As well. We're talking about the website. Look Now subscription website the University of Michael is what funds the podcast Lives so if you want to support us or this podcast There's a link in the description sign up as 21 day free trial You can have a look at all the content see if you like it before you have to start paying and just see what you think All right. Yeah, if not, that's too cool to or just like and subscribe and comment Okay, it's very easy very easy if you want to show a little bit of support if you don't want to show support That's cool. The comments that we have been getting there was one comment I screen showed it and sent it to you last night very nice made me feel like really good about who I am Yeah, the podcast. Am I doing the right thing? Sometimes we wonder on the motion Matt But yeah, we love and like we read all the comments. So just keep it flying. I'll keep it flying The fucking we're getting some nice views as well. It's just what just love our little podcast community It's so I just want to get everyone here and just big hug put them into a ball Yeah, yeah, I'd fuck all of them put together human ball And then we just fucking the gaps and spray our cum and then the middle seal it up So the ball can't even can't get untangled middle gets all gooey and that's just everyone's just all that's their warm center And then in nine months time The ball of human cracks opened and a creature emerges the fully actual creature and that creature is the only thing Capable of destroying choir and questin Fuck so yeah, we're fully against questin now too because he's with that bitch. So fuck him too. Yeah, he's with choir Choir is the enemy. I'm pretty excited to read the to read the diary, but yeah Dude choir has a fucking Instagram account. You should see its face choir brown now It's only so she can try and talk to me. Oh, dude. It is hideous, it's like a black hole and the other the other sponsor of this podcast is of course Manscaped comm if you need any mail grooming products head to Manscaped comm and use our discount code for the actual 20 for 20% off these products are very good. Okay, be careful though with the ball shavers You can still nick your balls, but they're by far the safest best tools we've used am I right over Nick Matt has but that's because he's too rough. He's too fast He's rushing it. He wanted to quickly get his balls smooth so they could be sucked on So Manscaped comm 20% off your fucking fully actual 20 discount code. Don't have a look. Okay, they got some cool shit Especially coming up to Christmas. Yeah, remember the perfume if you're about to you're in the club You're gonna get some head take this with you spray it All good you come you're fucking done fun Now also, there's not much shit talk because we only filmed the last podcast like four days ago on Friday Now it's Tuesday and we're filming during the day. So not much has happened. What happened over the weekend? Fuck all we went to our first purse friends. I think it's the first engagement party I've been to oh, yeah, we had an engagement party. We didn't drink though. We just fucking yeah, fuck me How different is it at parties when you are sober and everyone else is lit? Well, especially the end of the night. It's like such different energy levels. Yeah, you were just laying on the ground the whole time Yeah, I like thank fuck for weed because it just it makes it a bit fun I enjoyed it, but it's just it's not the same being like down here and everyone else is lit You just you can't get into the mood when you're fucking baked. Yeah or sober still very fun though It was it was a good time But so we don't have much to report to you guys other than yeah We're just fucking smashing content trying to get shit down same old fucking shit that we've been saying all Yeah, it was a strange day today as we did the how to be sexy Matthew was a fucking great judge We oh my god like Julian is borderline if I reckon had if I had a case of beer in me I Reckon I'd probably fucking go there I can't see him from behind if he had a dress on I can't see that if you didn't see his face His bum is lovely. Let's be honest. You'd have to shave it. I haven't seen like it when he opens cracks up He's got great arse. Well, maybe next you look fucking hot like what white trash come slut hot You should try and next time you guys are playing fortnight together You should try and get him to dress like that. Yeah, he's fucking in love. Yeah, don't forget to add Julian No for fortnight. Oh, yeah, by the way Yeah, it's good times. He's very good. But he's freakishly good fucking hot done-up chick, too Like god damn it. He just needs to shave like on average in the you know, what is it out of a hundred? I think he like was showing us. He comes on average second or third. Yeah, so he's killed death ratio is very It's unlike it's I've never seen anything like he just sits there. He's like And he's building skills. Yeah, like it's just fucking crazy Like I've honestly never seen anything like it. We keep telling him to start a gaming channel But he's just like oh no, no, I don't want people to fucking think I'm a nerd and stuff But like yeah, I've never seen someone soon as he finishes with us filming. He was head home Dude, he doesn't start playing fortnight until the wee hours in the morning. I'm like, he's training hard Yeah, he's been so late. He's just been fucking staying up till so guys Adam If you want to play because he does want to get out there and play with yeah Just message him he'll fucking he messes back everyone. He fucking loves playing playing with strangers or fans and stuff like that So you know my So this episode we have it's gonna be a slightly condensed. We'll have the prank call, of course We got some PO box letters. We got some fans and we got some questions and is that it? Yeah, yeah There is some explanations, but we we may have to miss them again. Yeah, okay We'll see we'll see with the We'll have questions and doing a few explanations Maybe we can do that question time. Let's get it rolling though And if by the way guys any we love feedback on these segments, all right So if you fucking hate something or you love something let us know because we're not gonna know unless you tell us Okay, the fart segment went for a bit long last episode. We'll try and shorten it a bit this one So many farts get sitting in it. Yeah Diary entry number 142 from Michael Corrie Brookhouse. I Realized today that we are Aren't we I've never seen someone aunt before they all are So why are we and not aren't we I like to think it's because we are ah So next time you aren't just remember that you actually are so there isn't no aunt I Find it's so motivating. Anyway, I'm off to get some Alan sour frog lollies and some crispy creams. Holy fuck That's good. That's new. That's new age We are ah and like to be fair. We always are And like when someone's like, oh, I'm not I aren't we are you you can say it but the end of the day is not true Dire entry number 112 from Marty today I accidentally broke the family toothbrush after my father brother and mother had used it It slipped out of my hand and I stood on it and cracked it in half We all have to chew on steel wool now to clean our teeth. It hurts when I shit It was a pretty good day That's good. That's very good. Thank you. Yeah, I remember that's Steel wool. Yeah, it cleans your teeth. Oh, yeah, cut your gums. Yeah, of course, but your teeth blood blood helps Diary entry number 69 from Julian James Tennyson woods from Ashgrove will some shit 40 60 till I die Oh Today I'll beat the fuck out of some year tours Oh, I was on my way to the train station walk past the primary school I nodded at some little cunt standing in the school fence and the little cunt said my bum bag looked funny So I grabbed his little fucking hand and snapped a few of his fingers like toothpicks His mates fully bitched out and started screaming Screaming on that so I swung my arm and him as hard as I could and my open palm connected with his fucking little squeal And mouth shut the little cunt right up. Ha ha ha don't fuck with me year twos on fucking 18 years old I love fortnight stab stab stab it. Oh, yeah, I fucked it like three chicks stab stab. Yeah Stab Fuck you can reach them tones Great glass. This is how it's written Yeah, yeah written in a listen a minor exclamation mark. So I had to reach that note Oh It's my favorite chord. Thank you All right, Matthew Brown. No, you might not. Sorry We go baby diary just So just be a bit kind It says what it says Diary entry number 1,017 from Matthew Gregory Brown The Sun had just risen and I was boiling some pubic hair for breakfast I smiled as I stirred the hair watching the boiling water turn a light brown color as I stirred my ears pricked up I could hear a commotion roughly 3.5 kilometers east from my house In fact, it sounded like my father I tuned in my hearing even more and I could hear him talking to what sounded like a policeman If you don't leave this premises right now, you'll be forcibly removed mr. Brown I'd like to see you try you blue dogs. I had heard enough. It definitely sounded like my father was in trouble I plunged my thumbs deep into my asshole and my body started swelling with ejaculate I let out a powerful scream as my eyes bulged out of my skull. I was ready to fight I spartan kicked my front door off its hinges and startled the neighbors cats I turned and began bounding backwards reaching speeds of over 80 kilometers per hour and letting out one long Continuous scream as I went I arrived at my father's house where three police officers had my father on the ground Attempting to cuff him without hesitation I leapt high into the air from the sidewalk and drove my knees into the base of the skull of one of the officers I crushed his neck and he was dead instantly the other two officers both jumped back I screeched and tore off my left nipple I threw my nipple with great force at one of the officers as he drew his gun and the nipple Sliced through an artery in his neck blood gushed out and I cocked my head back and laughed The final policeman was stunned and in shock He grabbed his radio to cover backup and my father was too quick for him My father pushed the officer down grabbed a hold of his entire bottom jaw with one hand and pressed down on the Officer's skull with his other hand my father then violently ripped down completely removing the policeman's bottom jaw My father and I spent the next 10 minutes breaking every bone in their bodies Then tying their broken limbs together in a cool twisted shape Then I sat down and painted a beautiful portrait of the mangled dead officers and sold it on eBay for seven hundred dollars Dad, we make a pretty good team, you know, would you ever consider helping me defeat Coy and Quentin? Son, I would be honored. We passionately kissed and he sucked my balls All right, let's get out of here killing three police men going to get some attention I picked up my father and we bounded backwards home. It's time. We both started training for the battle of our lives He sucked my balls That's the best part That's it. It's like you go to a kiss to it just a cheeky sucking of the balls That's so extreme That's not how I interact with my father Oh Fuck Fucking hell it's getting crazy out. Well at least now you you got some help Yeah, fucking iron question 2v2 now, it's fair Dad's always been Oh my god brown, oh my god brown Oh man, no fucking gave me a little headache All right, it's time for the questions everyone. Oh before we start the zi questions um Sucked my balls I can't believe you sat down and took the time to paint their mangled bodies corpses In honor, you know how to paint in honor. You gotta show us come um Amy Jones. Yeah commented that uh, because she lives in victoria She has to wait an extra hour for the podcast Which reminded me that it is daylight savings in every other state but our state Oh, so now it's an hour later. Yeah, so um anyone who's not in queensland Um, actually it could be well anywhere. It does. They should be close to four then at 4 p.m. Oh, no, it's all right. I can just wait There you go guys. Yeah, so if you're wondering why our uploads are an hour later. It's because daylight's Daylight savings But if you want to think it over we could do it at four. Yeah, if look if we get enough A flow of communication saying that you guys want earlier I'm sure we can do that flow It's a name That's the first thing you've said That makes sense Oh, by the way, um, I don't know if you can see it, but on the green screen. I um before we started I was really eating as fast as I could and I got a bottle of sriracha And I didn't realize that the open the top was open and I shook it I Source went all over the green screen. So now there's smudges all over it We didn't have time to replace it. Well under time stress matt brown It's actually looking it's actually looks all right. We might be able to just leave it up there. Sorry, dude It looks maybe better It's character. It's like a scar on a do you think maybe better face Maybe makes it sort of individual next question. All right. Let's get into it. Uh top question went to halse the halts Ha ha Uh question for the podcast I don't know how this got top Can we get marty to be a german father christmas for an episode, please? Yeah, I saw that. I don't know what that means Yeah, so I dress as santa and you santa and you just to stay in a german fucking character. It would be the best It might be a bit hard because we don't do podcasts over christmas But we might be able to do just randomly Yeah, I could dress up as santa and be have his speak with the german accent the whole time It would be so cute. What about the diary entries? Yeah, fuck it. Okay All right, we'll fucking buy a Santa outfit for next week and I'll just speak with yeah a thick German accent More old man Yeah, I don't know. Yeah, it's hard. I can't imagine you're doing an old man. Yeah, it's harder. Go on the deeper voice Oh See doesn't sound right. No chairman. I am chairman. I am chairman that sounds better Um close second was uh our fucking buddy donut films He uh said what's one thing you guys would want me to send to the po box that hasn't already been sent I disliked his gifts So whatever you whatever you reckon we'll open it and we'll have it around us Okay, yeah, we still got your wee Oh Fuck you're brown brown. We Yeah, one dehydrated freak looks like the fucking week-long bender piss. Yeah, dude Oh Oh the top it off. I didn't see this before but there is pubic air in there There is pubic air inside the week up. All right. I'm sick of holding piss. Yeah, just leave it in its cage No, it's got to be free. All right. There's a cup of piss on the table. Donut films your piss stays there So anyway next question next question is from jesse creaser creaser um It's a two-part question good, but very easy fine. It's for michael good Um michael when marty pulls down his pants to fart. Are you looking directly at the hole? And what does it smell like? um When I was some weeks I am I think the other week I was a lot because we'd had laxatives and I was scared he was gonna shit but normally Yeah, I don't know. It is quite mesmerizing. It would be stretches. It's so far apart But he tightens it by clenching it. It's strange strange to look at taking a long time to get to this level but um The smell is there's no smell ever very rarely. You did do a sour milk one at the jewel of the other day Yeah, look I reckon maybe 10% of my farts have a sick smell, but most of them is just clear air clean air. It's like Nothing like you'd think it would smell especially for the long long farts that he does right Especially because there's no fabric there like underwear or pants to trap the bigger particles of shit Yeah, it's just straight straight out and straight into a plume of fart into his fucking head And still scentless. Isn't that incredible Matthew? It's fucking weird. Isn't that just insanity? I like I reckon I would probably start. I saw some strange stuff today I would start to get sick of them if they smell It'd be too much all the time. Yeah, if for some reason when he does them they seem to not smell that much Yeah, it's nice. I wish they would like if I had a choice I'd like it now and then but every time no, I would love it I'd love it because then I get something out of it at the moment. It's just you guys I don't even get to see it. I don't even get to enjoy the sound because I'm concentrating And if I lose if I do focus on the sound I start laughing and it ruins it for everyone Before we continue, I also had last week. I forgot to mention it was it got lost in the because we had to cut our question short a bit Mel Wallace, which is Jono Wallace's I think they had their wedding anniversary So this Wanted a fucking congrats wanted a shout out to him happy anniversary. Congrats a shout out to Jono. This guy He's been a fucking such a big supporter. He's even got like our logo tattooed on his arm and he's got our faces A whole bunch of like little things from vids and he's got Julian Yeah, so like he's he's a fucking super super supporter So shout out to Jono and congrats you bloody legends. You stay together and I'm good divorced Hey, one in two couples now. Hey, I think they've been together for 12 years. There you go. That's pretty much past the hardest part Yeah I keep thinking this is bozly, but it's a There you go a bit of australia in australia next question is from babek Can you guys explain what clang means Clang similar to ringworm is a Substitute sound but not only that clang is something that when you hear it and when you say you feel better feels right It's the a collection of sounds clang Clang, yeah, that isn't it's very unusual So it's very satisfying to hear and say you and like if you get bored of clang You've got clang waiting for you right there Like I'll be like clang clang clang and you you sing that for while it gets boring But you go clang clang clang and it just fucking makes it so exciting again. Let's do a clang clang clang We haven't done that for a while. That's too. That's past. I liked it. Clang clang clang I've got a new one lately. It's it's okay It's the clang clang. It's the clang clang. It's the clang clang clang clang clang. It's the clang clang clang clang clang Oh, very good. It's fucking hard. It's a long one. It's my alarm clock. It's really fun. Anyway Sabrina had a quick question. She also wanted to know what's happening with the triple M account, which is your cotton Big news actually, this is something that we forgot about so we can't give too much away But yeah, you know how well I always talking about weed we want to have our own line of weed one day. Well We took we've taken a very big step in the right direction last week and we've met with some People who can help make that happen. So this quadruple M shit That is just like a side thing where we're going to sell You know bongs pipes just weed stuff and quickly while someone asked what the fuck is the vape that we used We sell that at our weed shop. That's a packs. They're the packs. It's the packs They're the best in the world. There's that but they're very expensive. They'll see an internet address for it Hey, what's the website address? www.cutton.com.au So it's just think cunt, but it's just the tea and the Anna swapped over And um, yeah, so we've made a big step in the right direction. We'll keep you guys posted Um, but yeah, it's it's uh, it's a it's a risky step But it's a step that we've taken and hopefully In like a few years time, we'll have a fucking oh, dude. Imagine we will be legal drug dealers How Nelka's happy dad will have our own line of weed Oh, and it's just gonna be yeah, that's the that's the fucking dream the business dream moving forwards. Um, but yeah, so The the that fucking website we're adding shit to we're adding, uh products to it, but Because it's australia and australia is so sensitive Every What is it the payment provider or something? Yeah, no one wants anything to do with us basically because we're selling Weed and stuff. So we have to send them like all these licenses and shit It's a long very long process So we sort of just stopped talking about it until because we've learned our lesson We're always like oh, we're excited. This is happening and then something goes wrong and it doesn't happen So now we're just going to wait till everything is fucking done ready to go and then you'll be the first to hear about it Fuck Yeah, it's exciting guys Oh, yeah, but believe me, mate It's very exciting Is that yeah Next question is from Tommy Dempsey. Uh, have you guys ever considered doing a documentary on your lives? A docker on our lives Look, I want to yeah, I'm still very keen to write the book of the book about us. There's enough footage Yeah, but like yeah A docker a docker will come when we die Or when we're when we're going to be like we're still young. We're not old yet Yeah, I feel like we're so young we got sugar like 20 years of stories so young to create That need to be in the docker Well matt you're pushing it a bit. What are you? We are still young Okay, where we realize that the engagement party on the weekend that we are We're fucking old. No, we're not. Yes. We are man early 30s is young dude Remember how quick it was from 21 to now. Yeah, it's gone. It's blurred that again and we're in our 40s. Can't But think what we have from those. That's a long time. I got 10 years of fucking Honestly feel like the 20s went so fast It's because 50% of the time we just fucking hammered and just forgot everything. Yeah, it's all just a blur But time does go quicker and quicker. So does Alzheimer's. It progresses so fast Such an aggressive disease early onset a lot of people get now because due to diet I reckon matt that's my sneak suspicion a lot of people eating shit fucks their brains up And drinking and drugs. Yeah that too. Oh, I think the fucking mdma Where the mdma will come back to bite us you mark my already has I can't fucking think anymore our personalities have changed. Yeah, I'm like Honestly feel like yeah, I'm different It's like we got that fucked up that some demonic spirit came into our empty shell when we were crippled mangled Munted and then laid eggs. We fucking yeah, that spirit just took over us. That's why we're doing this That's why he is that Next question is from just gin Marty's snuck into michael's house. Have you ever thought about sneaking into julian's house? Yeah, he lives in an apartment block So it'd be like I'd have to scale the outside of his building everyone else would be Other people would be able to see me. He lives in a very busy area It was his birthday on the weekend. Go give him love if you haven't ringwormed him yet. Also Uh, I'm just gonna fucking brag how fucking nice we are his friends Yeah, we got him a nice nice watch, but he does love for and he was asking for um, yeah He wanted the expansion pack some perks or something. Yeah, that's right the expansion pack on four wanted some new skins Right. Yeah, I don't know anything about it, but julian's obsessed next question is from tim frazer Um, muddy and michael if you could invite three celebrities to yours for dinner and drinks, who would it be? Living oh living or dead living or dead fuck Stephen Hawking's I'd go will ferrell Stephen Hawking's and um Fuck and um Charles Manson just to fucking spiced things up a bit Dude, I'd like to kick his brain and just give him a knife as well Oh, give him big weapons and then just sit will ferrell and Stephen Hawking's down and Like will ferrell in that situation would be fucking hilarious. He would he would stir shit up like Stephen would be Stephen Um, I'd go I'd go fucking George nap I pick the fuck out of his brain and Stephen Hawking's to just grab and shit and then I'd go probably like Um Ryan Dunne Let's have I'd have a beer with Ryan Dunne Um, and then go for a drive with him. Yeah What would you serve if for Stephen Hawking's I would just serve a huge plate of mashed potatoes Give him keyboards and I'd keyboards and I'd sit right next to him and and force feed him the mashed potatoes Oh, that'll be good. Oh, man. I'd mash all over his fucking Face and down his shirt and shit and just keep piling in with those big fucking Big big wooden spoons just mushing it into his throat and he can't even type out What are you trying to say? Whatever he does there's potatoes. I think I'd have um quentin tarantino I am um and I'd have Donald trump for a bit of fun. Yep, and Oh, fuck me. Oh, and um travis from blink 182. God. I just think he's cool. We followed him the other day. Who? Travis It's not the same if you say we followed them a no it's far worse Sorry, yeah, it's better when they follow you What is going on here today, uh Next question is from orion. Um, marty. What do you always spit on michael? Oh He's got a weird spit technique it like You don't even like I don't know how you do it. I don't know how to do it. I think I get this Let me describe it as I do it Okay, so I'll get the spit and I'll put it at the tip of my tongue And he's sort of and then I press my lips together and then push the spit out with my tongue. I think yeah I can do that but not as far as you I I Yeah, I guess on my tongue but I Yeah, you spray sprays. It's like a fucking michael's is like a shotgun. Yeah Yeah, but you get the main chunk with all the golly. Yeah, I get it and that's what I can do that too and again Yeah, I just open my mouth And yeah to tip the tongue, but I don't do it Like hey, I don't you you have a little syrup like sanctuary pool And then you just keep it at the top and then you're the only person I know that can have a huge rubber golly in every spit Next question is from callum's left ear Um, are you boys ever gonna stream on twitch again? Oh, yeah Let's forget about that. Hey, like we want to it's literally just we need time like Yeah, we don't want to say yes and then you know not do it because like it sucks because we literally got it to the point Last time where we were just about to monetize and then we stopped Yeah, we could have started making a bit of coin and like but yeah, I don't know it was just fucking Next year. I reckon yeah, we can do it next year because we'll have a fucking we're hiring This is what's happening guys. We're hiring Um someone to help us with all the admin all the organizational shit And we're also hiring another editor. So we will have more time to do shit. So i'm putting it out there next year We're gonna be twitch streaming Dude, it's gonna be so fun like and we'll get it set up because last time we're at the computer And I was fucking you cramped up like this trying to gain hot. It's shit. It's hot. We want like a couch We want the whole room to be the twitch room Oh, it'd be so nice a couch and all those crystals that we saw today everywhere. Oh, I do Oh On the girl in the crystal shop I didn't see her she's beautiful crystals But That's the plan next year and the cool thing about our twitch will be it's not just gaming We're gonna have mr. Brown a few other friends. We can do prank call We'll get the boys. We'll get fucking Jackson and locky up and we'll do some weird Imagine gaming and if you lose you have to I don't know do something fucked up to the other gaming G a y apostrophe ming If imagine if julian lost in fifa like a best of three matches and the loser has to like suck the other ones balls Gaming gaming. See what I mean? We've started a new niche there. No one's done that before No one will ever be julian at fortnight. He's the best I've ever seen Yeah, we'd have to do a different game other than fortnight if julian's playing that's for sure Next question is from sun goku um How is how does one spell be more be as uh, there's a lot of variations See there was there was a time where we chucked b double e in there because bees They're the fucking saviours of the world. Well, bees are the best at being b not b double e b e So that's why we said the bees not because it's the same sounding as the word b But because bees are very b Yeah, it's half of their name is the word exactly like 66 But I reckon if you're gonna get it tattooed or you put it on a shirt It is be more be yeah on twitter. We've joined twitter now. Um, and It's you'll see one of our tweets. It's hashtag be more b be mo re be All right So if you want to comment that on our videos and stuff like that and such and so forth, etc be more be Next sorry, we'll have two questions left and then we'll move on to Move on to something else is a brown um This one is from james captain kirk patrick. Um He hasn't said anything. He's left a plank. Sorry. I don't know at a moment Um, what do you guys like to watch more borat or ali g stay safe guys. Oh, man Both are very good. Have you watched the ali g movie? Okay. I have a confession to make Everyone and this is the same with south bank. Everyone goes fucking bank south bank every the same with south park Everyone goes on about south park. Oh my god. I'm used to going to south South park everyone raves about I was never a fan Do you ever sit down and watch it though? Yeah, yeah, the new episode is good because they're trending and it's about what's happening and they fucking hack into all the fucking dickheads out there, but Ali g I I just never connected with it. I just thought it was shit Like really it's funny like the whole gangster playing the narrative of it's just taking the piece out of him, but like Borat is so much funnier. It's the same same kind of like Humid it's very very witty ali g the moo. I didn't watch like here the interview show on any of that I just watched the movie and the movie is fucking hilarious ali g in the house. It's very equal both of them And it's not very good. Yeah, what about the dictator because ali g's a movie borat's a fucking social experiment and movie like Borat trumps ali g just because it's the public that's it's innocent people He does that in ali g as well. No, I'm pretty sure he does no ali g in the house is fucking Oh, maybe not the movie Yeah, the interview interview show where he would get and he's had got some fucking funny interviews We had David didn't he get David Beckham and posh? He's got all his head. Yeah. Okay. Well, I'm thinking movies Okay, but yeah, he's character the gangster character is good, but I fucking prefer borat What's the one marty showed me recently? Um, where is this these brothers the spy? Oh, um What's it called? Fucking where the the great gibbs It's big b Gimsby gimp. Yeah, the brothers gimp brother grimsbury or something. Yeah, that was great Yeah, I was like the Liam Gallagher haircut and yeah, also, what about bruno? Yeah, bruno was all right bruno wasn't as good as borat. Yeah borat's the like the original It's fucking amazing. But yeah, I wasn't a huge fan of ali g like it's good. It's just not What about the trial of the chicago seven? I bet you guys haven't seen that Who's in that? Fucking sasha sasha. Really? Yeah. Is it funny for an oscar? Is it funny? I think it's a bit more Did you like the dictator? Yeah, the parts in the dictator that I found fucking hilarious. It's like how like How extreme like he's just so yeah, it's so borderline. It's so offensive I love you bangs kim kata after any instantly goes you now have herpes Look at this. Look at what I've done in the scissors now. You've reversed it You've tried to figure that out, mate. Go on. All right. Well, that was um Quite the question the final question of the day is from fun ston 5000 um out of marty and michael who has done the more shits Like uh in our lifetime I'll leave that with you I don't know. It was a time when michael would you know, you do How many times five in morning just a squirt a quick squirt an hour later another squirt Have a fucking coffee squirt again so It used to be just liquid everything I don't know evens out Shit question Well, we've probably it's probably about the same. It's probably about the same No How much do you shoot a day? A day. Yeah, well not every day. Yeah, if um if well when I was gym and ages ago eating lots of meat and that you'd shit every morning Every morning. Yeah, I shit every morning. But then now when I fast, I don't it's like twat. It's like every second day It's weird. It's fun doing poos man. Like it is. No, I say it's literally It's better than taking a finger a bit. Yeah. Well, I don't know. It just feels like fingers that relief. It feels so good Yeah, we're so to wheeze when you really need to piss if you really need to piss good wheeze like, uh, it's just relaxing, isn't it? But a shit a good thick hard shit Or explosive like yeah the explosives one sometimes freak me out because it's like Fuck it's going on going on in me. It's going on in me. I get a haemorrhoid. So I'm scared that's gonna. Let's go fucking haemorrhoid come. I bet you that's questin. Can I see it? You have it. Have you always had it? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, but I I did get one and then now it's like on edge all the time. I miss your haemorrhoids, too Michael always whenever we went on holidays and would bend a heaps Michael always get these big Beautiful haemorrhoids and they grow and grow and he panicked more and more and it was just so nice Yeah, I miss them. Hey Luigi. Like they really hurt when you sit down and cough and stuff like They're not pleasant. What does it feel like like a pinch or something? Yeah, like they itch and they bleed you cough and it would like I don't know your asshole hurts because it would Clench on the haemorrhoid Like heard it. It's like imagine having a boil, but on your bum in your asshole, you know boils Yeah, I've never had one. It's just a big lump dude. I've I'm sort of shocked that I haven't had one because how hard I push or haemorrhoids. I don't know. I think haemorrhoids comes from Diet and like I only get it when I'm fucking on drugs and alcohol for yeah, like Um, it's just when you stress like when you when you shoot maybe they're sort of like they're like the asshole Colesles No, call it that because then that'd be like asshole herpes. Yeah Maybe that's what it is. I think that's actually the medical term for it before haemorrhoids, but uh Yeah, when you when I was young no one really told me Oh, don't stress too hard because this could happen You know if you if you had the little inkling of shits. I try and push it out So if you push too hard, that's how you get haemorrhoids. Yeah and weight doing weights You see how I've I never had that I've pushed so hard sometimes. Yeah, I Honestly think it's more to do with fucking diet. It's diet and how hard you put in stressing It's probably a lot of things You know, how about we leave put it to bed and we'll say you can get haemorrhoids many ways We'll table it and we'll put it up to the top and we'll slide it back into the drawers. All right, we need to move the farts right now Oh, yeah All right, the next segment is the Fart Fart where you guys send in your farts. Okay, you've you record your farts You film yourself You scream your name at the end if you want and you send them to matt brown At the marty and michael fully actual instagram account, which has just passed over 2000 followers Very good everyone keep it coming keep it coming. We'll get through don't stress Okay, if you've done a really ripper fart and we haven't played it this week don't stress We'll get around to it. Okay. We just don't have that much time. Um this week. Anyway, so um here we go first fart Oh, you can hear him start laughing see what I mean You can't even enjoy the farts if you listen you start laughing It's not what a good way to finish Good fire though great length. So we should was a bit more high pitch. That's all I like that one next fart Imagine being on the toilet next to that chap and hearing that Oh chap. Yeah, I liked that. It was wet. Mm Fuck me. I've seen that guy's face before he sent farts in last week. Some dudes just have Like that's great. How do you do that? And I didn't think that was just when you're about to think it's fake that you hear that sizzle at the end You're like, oh fuck. Yeah It confirms the authenticity. Wow. Well done the authenticity sizzle That goes your shitties pants very good. That's the best. That's the that's the holy grail of that's what you want See variations different tones. That was good. It was on the toilet. He needs to be in a quiet room I can get better sound at all. Yeah, and also like where's the name screaming from people? Where's the weird yell at the end? Is that an arse? Yeah, baby Certainly the arsehole's that big like that's a lot of sound from one bump. It sounds like it's angry at something. Yeah A fart yell Yeah, I love the fucking chocolate themselves. Yeah, and so they should that's great work. Give cat on the back Come on the back there. That's great news. It's great news Oh, yeah, there's talent there. He's working on it. I heard the strain in his voice at the very end Like that the very end you can hear I'll show you Hear it? Yep My turn I guess yours is broken. Fuck Is that how that is? Yeah, no, no, no, just live it up and then twist the things it loosens twist the balls So it's a point in myself lately Yeah, not bad. I like the second part It's a bit better If I that is one of the best I've ever heard that was my favorite of like ever. I love him How did he maintain? Not only that the different levels. It sounds like he's in a bath So hot. So I think the the sound at the beginning is like water as well. You know what I mean? People need to step their fucking down. That's the best. That's one of the best I've ever heard. Yeah I gotta hear that again. That's so beautiful. Fuck me. Very good finish on that one Yeah, see different tone starts off deep gets high and that you think it should have been five seconds less A normal like a good fight would be five seconds less than that. That's fucking amazing That kept going I was unbelievable Matthew Brown. That's fucking fixed my day That one's funny because it's a video of his sleeping partner And then he puts his ass right near a face and farts. So thank you for that. Yeah, it's nice I love how a lot of these are just boyfriends fighting. They're fucking girlfriends. Very good Fucking hell. That was like smooth and then he went off road and went on a bit bumpy Very good. Just caught it a couple more And that was the last one Dude that air raid siren far was very like that's the best one And I don't know who that was but If you do if you fucking if you managed to do something like that just just say your first name even just after just be like Like as if you wouldn't claim it. Yeah, he needs to continue sending us you you got to sign them You got to sign them off. Otherwise, we don't know Who's who you know what I mean? Very good. Thank you everyone. What a beautiful Beautiful segment. Yeah, it's definitely it's it's evolving and it's becoming as you said beautiful 110% man. We can make a compilation of all these one day. Okay. All right guys. We're going to do the fuck P.O. Box also prank call. Don't worry the prank call is already done. It's right at the end right? So we've got some fucking letters here. We got the prep the prep of the P.O. Box segment Well, we open shit that you guys have sent to us, okay So if you want to send us some shit, we open everything live on the podcast We don't look at it beforehand. There it is. There's the P.O. Box 256 Taigem 4018 Queensland And don't be afraid to get creative with what you send. Yeah, like you can send us literally anything. We're not picky boys Do you know what I mean, man? God, this is probably the worst podcast we've done all season Oh, yeah, we got cool shit We've got a gift card. Oh Yes, we got a gift card. Yes. Oh look what I have A letter. I thought this is going to be from the code code guy Dear marty and michael, can you tell shami that I max think shami's ex-girlfriend page is fucking hot? Excuse me Excuse me one second. That's why I figured that letter can't Oh a little crack at the end. Um, it's fucking going on man. It's all right. We'll just have to I see how that one smells of you. Um, anyway, yes to think shami's ex-girlfriend page is fucking hot I touch her bum and play it like drums Page shami's ex-girlfriend makes my dick look like this. She basically gives me an an erection So he's drawing a really long thin erection. Looks a lot like a worm And uh, thank you for that. I'll I'll pass that on. We'll pass that on to shami. Let him know Thanks, mate I'll tell shami about that. Yeah, let's call him Oh We should fucking call him shouldn't we? Should get him on the phone. Oh man. All right. We got another letter here. I can't read it or show you what it is It's just a really naughty word that would get us cancelled if we read it out loud But thank you because it all it's all good now from something that fuck. This is worthwhile Look, we get a gift. This is a gift. It's a $30 gift voucher Fuck yeah, dude. Someone's just sent us $30. It's fucking amazing. God you guys are and we got some letters here Okay, so we can spend this look at all the cool places. We can spend this at jb adidas All right, fuck stuff. We might have an assignment here. So let's not thank him yet Fuck it's like a fucking big fucking scroll Okay, here we go Feel like a like a Scholar, okay Dear marty michael I just want to let you know that your videos and podcasts are fucking the best in the letter you have received There is the letter you're reading right now gift card The gift card is for you guys and a second envelope with my address Please do not read out my address since I don't want people to know where I live And please don't take off the stamp on the second envelope In the second letter, there is a photo of you guys That's us money michael I have a mate who loves your videos and podcasts and he has been a bit down lately Since we have been in lockdown in new south wales and his birthday is on december Would guys be able to give autographs on the photo if you blah blah blah the reason why I am giving you a gift card as Thank thank you for giving me your autograph to give to my friend blah blah blah So then we've got the cling cling clings here and then we're oh so many ringworms After when put it in there Man that is a fucking assignment There you go, and we'll make sure to shoot those off next time we go to the po box We'll just chuck them in the fucking mailbox count That's why we got to keep this and the address on it That is the po boxing remember we're all out of po box shit right now We're going to go back to our po box see if there's anything new But if you want to send us anything send it into that po box And we'll open it And now we got What the fuck I gotta get going it's 9 35. I have to go it's esther's birthday today. She wants to open a presence Hey sup, I gotta go prank call time me call bunnings try get job as darren For those who don't know who what bunnings is bunnings is a A tool shop It's like a home depot in america Where you can buy gardening home lots of tradies go there It's like a shop. I never go to but darren's been laid off recently and he's desperate for work Right, he's fucking got keep coming and let's just get a third kid with a different a third girl Yeah, my name's darren. Um, I'm just calling um use lock horn on that lock. Do you um have any uh jobs? um available at the moment or Okay, um, I'm not entirely I do know we've just gone through a round of hiring But I do know if we were still hiring it would be on our website where it shows Um, what jobs are available? So if you were to head on to Our bunnings website and there's like a little tab along the top part Yeah, look, um, I don't actually have um access to Like computer and that um at the moment, but if you've got one there at bunnings I can come in and um Like apply on your computer and that if yous um have in there because Yeah, my laptop broke like six months ago and Look because I got laid off like a month ago, right? I haven't been able to fix it and that so like You know you saying I need to apply online It's sort of like catch 22 right because I need a job to get a lappy to apply online, right? But that's where yous come in like, you know, I mean like and like I can just if you just want to take some notes And that like I can I can just tell you just just real quick couple of minutes Just tell you what I'm good at and that and then um, and then we can just go from there because like Regimes and that like like who reads Regimes and that these days like fuck 2021, you know, but I've got like like so like I used to like my lawns for more uncle um back when I was like 15 16, right? So like and I did that for about two years, right? So like I know heaps about the lawnmowers and that so if yous got like an aisle with like gardening and that Or be you can just throw me in there and I'll fucking just sort that sort that all out four years I've been one of them like floating guys who like goes around and just gives people tips and that about um lawnmowers and that and um the other thing I'm heaps good at um I built a uh a doghouse Um for my dog um like maybe two months ago like and I just youtube that like I just went to bunnings youtube it And like I put that together took me about two weeks, but she's like she's sound as so like We've like little building things in that like I can help out And also like gardening that I guess you could like make say like oh, yeah, he's like gardening expert in that My name's Darren by the way Yeah, no, thanks to me. You don't sorry. You've only bounced through the only thing is you've only bounced through down to one of us at the Service desk. So um, what I'll have to do I'll just have to pop you through to one of our Yeah, put me on the big boss. Hey, haha. Yeah, go on But there may be a way since you don't have a laptop for you to like Apply if that makes anything. Yeah. No, right. Right. Right. Yeah. Um look like because applying I'm sure wouldn't take that long Like what like five minutes in there? Uh, yeah, it wouldn't take that long. I do know on our website, but it does require you to have like a resume and like a cover letter I'm pretty sure right well I can write that down on a bit of paper right and I can take a photo of that So that can be my resume like I can draw one up on a bit of paper I'm sure he's got a bit of paper there in a pen too, right? So if I just duck in maybe maybe first in the morrow or like maybe like tomorrow are they right? And I'll just write it all out and a bit of paper there and take a photo of it And then I'm like an upload that as my resume on the online bit there And then I'm sweet to start. I'm sweet to start like Friday. Like I'm ready to go Friday And I sort of yeah, look I'll do it for about 13 hour Um, and I'll also obviously need holidays and that because like, you know, I've got kick come on the way in that so Um, but yeah, if you if you can write all that down and just tell the big boss Um, that I'm coming in tomorrow morning To apply for a job and then um, yeah, I'm sweet to start on friday if he's if he's good to go No, that's it. Yeah, yeah, no, I do that. Yeah, that's it No, I'll see you work on friday probably Off to the manager I'm off to the manager am I fucking copied you Good afternoon, my name's Virginia. This is Casey. Casey is it? Yes. Yeah, good. Casey. My name's Darren. Um, I was just on the phone with um, I forget who it was but um, she's basically said, um Look because I'm I'm I'll call right just asking for a job on that And she's basically said like You need to do an online blah blah blah But I've I've come back and said look, I don't have a working laptop right now So I don't actually have um internet So I said, um, if I come in first tomorrow, right and um, I just quickly come in five minutes I use one of your computers and I can apply there And then I'm sweet to go. I could start friday this friday if he's wanted to I can do the um And that chick said, yeah, yeah, all good. She was saying like, yeah, yeah shoe in So I'll start on I can start on friday and that so like because I kind of heaps about gardening and stuff So like I can start on this friday But I just need to do that applying online thing like that, um Applying a job or some something you guys said or some shit Yeah, so there's a bit more of a process behind that so it's not like you apply and you're here in the next couple days It's a much lengthier process than that Um, I wouldn't be able to use one of our computers because they are locked with our business information on them So we can't have anyone that doesn't work for the business Do you know what like I need to what info I need to log into the computer and that Log into whose computer your computer like you know that info, right? Yeah, yeah, but we we can't so if you tell me if you tell me that then like I can log in And then like I'll just be like five ten minutes. I'll just upload my um resume and that and then I'm out of there It's a bit more lengthy than that as well because there's a bit of online induction. They have to do using a Using it. So there's a bit more of a length. I understand what you're saying And I appreciate your um your egeness to get it done. But yeah, it's sort of struggling with cash I could yeah, um say look, yeah, look I sort of need some work lock and I'll sort of happen to start by a lot Friday and that like use uh, um You know, I'll go to you guys a lot like I'll go to your balance lot I'll know where she is or even know some of the staff there and that Um, so like I know he's not normally got to do like oh you got a bloody doing online and that but like Like come on like between you and I right? It's bloody tough times on that. I've got a fucking missile Popping out a kid in a couple of months. I've been laid off about two months ago And I you know, I've just been slinging a bit of weed on the side But I need a new job. Do you know what I mean? Like it's getting a bit urgent. I'm running out of cash And I've got a kid on the way. So if we can just like bypass all that all that shit like let's just let's just get I want my I want to work for you, right? You need worker I'm right here saying I'm I'm I'm ready to go. You know what I mean? I'm I'm fucking I'll be there on Monday morning with fucking bushy tail fucking bright I write and I'll fucking do that job better than fucking anyone I've ever fucking seen before count Yeah, okay, all right, I appreciate your eagerness. Unfortunately, we won't be able to help with that. Okay What will so what do you mean? Well, of course you can help like he's got computers, right? I'll come in tomorrow. Just give me the logins all apply and then done She's she's submitted right and then Friday Friday morning 6 a.m. Or whatever you start I'll be there 30 bucks now plus holidays. I also don't appreciate your language. You're using with me as well What language are you talking about? If you can find a computer to do a language in English, you don't want English All right, okay. What do you mean darling? What language are you talking about? I'm peaking fucking English to you, mate What are you never had a blood blade swear word before, mate? All right, I'll see you tomorrow Oh my god, dude That was cringe, man. That was hard when you called her cunt Oh, you tell she sort of she let it go as a joke, but then she came back and she brought it up again No, that was fucking brilliant Very good. No, I fucking there's something about darin that just makes me want to feel him up He's a he's an honest He says it. He's a straight shooter. He says it how it is He doesn't understand the Menace the bureaucratic process of things, you know, he doesn't understand. He's not very formal He's a bit rough around the end. He's a rapist. Yeah, he would have I reckon he he's a thief. No Okay, I reckon halfway through she's passed out and he's kept going And she doesn't know what something darin would do on meth Matt I want to go home He was the whole time has his fingers in his ears cringing. I was cringing that was still wasn't working I had to push him harder. So I got it because when they're so nice like that you gotta I gotta step it up a bit. Otherwise, there's no reaction and it just ends up them being no, sorry So you gotta fucking push their buttons a bit count. Do you know what I mean? We're fucking best count. We're fucking best count. We're fucking best count. We're the best count We're fucking best don't forget to fucking like comment and subscribe all right We get like fucking 10,000 views on these podcasts in a week. How many likes are we getting like 5 600 Really that means there's like that's pretty good ratio, but that means there's there's a that's one in 20 There's a there's a lot of you know, there's a lot of you that could be pushing that thumbs up and subscribe and commenting Do you know what I mean? Well, like it's the end of the podcast. You don't even have to fucking do anything It's over just press it now the timer takes you to get out of the app and shit You may as well just press like and then get out of everything. You know what I mean? Anyway We are the fucking best. Very good and we'll see you tomorrow That was a quick podcast It's only 8 30 I'm so confused