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You can now follow me on all my social media platforms to find out who my latest guest will be and don't forget to click the subscribe button and the notifications bell so you are notified for when my next podcast goes live. That's what's up. That's exactly what's up. How's life brother? It's good man. It's good. Glad to be coming out the other side. That's the honest truth is I was, and I think you can identify with this at some point we just have to make a decision to be better. Like that was, at some point I just had to sit down and get honest and go man I have to unlearn some shit. What I'm doing is not working. It keeps repeating itself and so that's kind of where I got in the foreign legion provided me the time and the space and the quiet shut the fuck up in a dungeon for a while to think and then I could start to build a plan. Before we get into everything though I always like to go back to the start with my guest get a bit understanding about you brother where you grew up and how it all began. Dude I grew up in San Diego, California My dad was in the Marine so I grew up on a Marine base for a little bit and then we just stayed in California so I had that SoCal Bro lifestyle growing up which I was grateful for. My family had their troubles, you know out of drugs and alcohol and things like that. My mom's a rock though so there was some explosiveness you know grew up with a little tension but overall I think I had a great childhood man and I have a little sister and we spent a lot of time outdoors this wasn't the iPad generation man this was bikes and jumping making jumps outside that's how I grew up and it was sports were not pushed they were just assumed and I loved it so we spent a lot of our time and both my parents were very physical my dad bodybuild played football my mom was into aerobics and all that stuff so I grew up with a pretty solid foundational base for fitness also. Was your dad strict? No, mom my dad wasn't strict I mean he could lay the hat if you got out of line but he was kind of dealing with his own shit a little bit you know and kind of in and out you know not some problems with some jobs and then financial troubles so he wasn't the strict one he's pretty chill for the most part What were you like at school? I was good with school man I would do my homework my thing was played sports did my homework and then that kind of started falling off the back of the truck when you start drinking and partying and the girls and then we got into high school those good disciplines right out the window man I know that feeling bro I fucking know that feeling so you were you were Navy Seal or Marine Navy Seal? Navy Seal Your dad was a Marine? So did you want to follow your dad's footsteps was a peer pressure to go down that same route as your dad? No absolutely zero peer pressure for the military from my dad because he was in sixth and out he wasn't you know big military guy as far as like this is how it's going to be my mom comes from a more military heritage in my grandfather was a captain in the Marine Corps I mean in the Navy and Naval Academy and all this kind of looking maybe at that route for a while but when I went to college and I went to college I did that whole thing and made a train wreck of it got arrested so many times I can't even count and I had to go to jail after college to even try to be able to get in the military and so I was tried to go in the Marine Corps they said no I had too many tattoos and then I tried to go in the Army and they said no I had been arrested too many times my dream was really the only option I was scared to try for Navy SEAL because I didn't want to fail and then end up chipping barnacles on a boat that's what happens if you fail SEAL training you're in the fucking Navy What sort of trouble then were you getting into before? joining the military? being a fucking knucklehead just not stealing and doing that type of stuff drinking, drinking too much getting arrested for being drunk in public fighting DUI it was shit like that it was just being a knucklehead what's your dad saying to that? the TC you slipping? man he was kind of out of the picture at this time you know he wasn't really in the picture like that people would be pissed but a lot of it was just on my own I wasn't telling everybody anything anyway because I was away so you couldn't get in with tattoos? no I was too much a percentage of my body was tattooed for the Marine Corps at the time and it's still like that they got pretty strict what was the percentage? man I don't know they took a picture of my whole body and they sent it up I couldn't even enlist anywhere I don't know how much of a percentage but I had some of my arms my back was completely done nothing even down here too much and no neck so I don't know they were just strict man what was the decision to then go though? were you just feeling like a lost soul at that point drinking, fighting, getting into trouble? since I was 7 years old I remember the moment it happened I was standing on a hill it was 1992 and I saw glow lights floating in the bay and I asked my dad what it was and he said there were navy seals training in the bay from that moment on I just started researching Vietnam seals, Green Berets that whole commando world really was spoke to me so I went down that path I knew I wanted to be a navy seal but you know it got shelved got shelved then college ended and what do you do I knew I was going in the military so that was what I was going to do I wasn't even thinking about getting a regular job what was the what goes in place then to then pass the tests and become a navy seal? yeah so it was hard for me because they said okay you can get in but you have such a checkered background and tattoos and things that you need all these waivers to actually even try so I was packing boxes in a warehouse at night you know I got them live and training in the day with active duty seals they had like a program naval special warfare program where you could be a civilian and train with these guys so I got with them as fast as I could because I fucking hate running man that shits for the enemy and I just saw and I never trained with it growing up so I needed to practice man I could barely run a kilometer I was dead serious I was padded to puke in every day I lost about 25 kilos in about two months 25 kilos just I needed it I was like that rugby big you know like that kind of and so I needed to trim down and I did and it took me about nine months and you take these seal screening tests formal that the navy puts out to get your name at the top and then one day they offer you a contract for it what's the contract? it's called the seal challenge contract and it's you are a civilian now but you're going in the military on this specific seal trying to be a seal that's what it is what's the training like is it basic training at the start? exactly so you go through regular basic navy training for eight weeks with a little bit it had a little bit of special warfare flare we worked out harder so if you finish that then you go into basic underwater demolition preparatory school which is like all physical training that's all seal candidates and this is early early on they take the top 75% from there and then they fly you out to San Diego for the real deal real deal holy field seal selection what's that like? a kick in the fucking nuts it was harder than I thought it was going to be way harder the only way I can describe it was fucking carnage how many people? we started with 285 we flew out with 400 then we classed up with 285 three weeks later we had 185 then through three weeks after that we had 50 that was through hell week and then from that a lot of guys get fail stuff or whatever and other guys roll into classes who had been hurt so we actually finished from that original 285 we finished about 15 guys so we were originals but we graduated with 50 guys so about 50 of that class would graduate because you hear Gorgons talk about hell week how tough is that? how tough is it to be a Navy Seal? the surprising part is people talk about hell week but hell week is like shitty but it's like a fraction of what's actually hard because buds is 6 months long just that selection is 6 months and it's that like that every day you don't you get leakens off sometimes but it's carnage all day long hypothermia all day long hell week was tough because obviously you're not sleeping you start hallucinating in about 3-4 days everybody starts seeing chain link fences in the ocean very weird must be patterns or something but your dick and balls are chafed absolutely raw people don't think about the small thing you getting in the ocean and it's brutally chafed raw they're so chafed in between their legs they have to go to the hospital and get skin grafts after like not like some guys like 25% of the guys like a lot are so chafed on their right here and in between their legs from the sand and the salt you have to go to the hospital and get skin grafts what's the benefits for that torture to them pass? they want to see who's there to fucking there who's there to die who's just committed 100% generally they say by Tuesday or Wednesday the guys who are there will just will stay there until they die so they know there's really no point in extending it for much longer than Friday what's the main ingredient what did you see with people because everybody's a good judge a character to a certain degree but sometimes people surprise you and you think fuck me he done it but was there a certain ingredient you've seen with someone because the biggest you know yourself it doesn't mean you're the strongest here it's a mental thing but what did you think was the one thing that made people pass not having a plan B not having a fucking plan B when you if you that and you hit the nail on the head there James really you you have an idea with some guys like that dude's a pipe hitter and he crushes it right a lot of my friends we linked up we all passed you know but then there's you got those some kid from the middle of the farm farm somewhere who never did anything physical will pass and like you said the stud quits why is that and the fucking military has been trying to figure out that psychological profile for years to be able to predict it but you can't I would say it's 100% you've you've mentally painted yourself into a corner you don't have a plan B you're you're there to finish it or you don't have another option I know that's how it was for me I saw there was no other option for me after what was the feeling when you passed man it was great passing buds was good but then you got to remember you have an additional seven months seal qualification which people don't really think about which is more technical mountain warfare skydiving land warfare diving combat diving is like you have all these month cells of stuff that you could fail and get kicked out or fail something physical why is that so much it's 18 months long because man it's they got to fit it all in man it's actually a lot of stuff you got to learn especially sqt you got to learn how to really you get they got to teach guys shooting demolition how to maneuver tactically how to do all these different things not to mention skydiving military freefall halo qualified you know it's and combat diving it's a lot of stuff have you got to finish 18 months before you go to any war zones yeah yeah so so that 18 months is training is training it's every single seal has to do it and then you go to your SEAL team you're selected to which SEAL team you go to and then you're going to have another 18 month cycle so really what's what's unique about the SEAL teams not unique but special real high level special operations groups are by the time you go on your first deployment you've been training for like three years sometimes a little more so solid too did you find out more about yourself then because obviously there's that training calm you down because you seem to have got fucking worse man I was locked on during that time because I was so focused and what the problem was was when I got there I'd fucking arrived right so that's what that was the issue I'd fucking arrived so it was a celebratory mood that's that was I'm not like the guy that like goes in part I want to isolate and be alone but when I'm in a good mood man let's turn it up so that's where I was at and it's that momentum just pecked picked up you know and it was I was locked on a burst and then slowly I got a little more ahead of my skis little more head little more head yeah do you think you were caged up for the 18 months to then prove to someone maybe yourself your dad but then the shackles came off you've done it now what do you always need something in place to work towards absolutely I think I have to I have to be purpose driven or if I don't fill it with something positive I'm gonna fill it with something negative I'm filling it with something something's going in there and I was I had lost kind of that purpose I had the purpose I still wanted to be there and I worked my ass off I loved being at work as a seal but it was like when the time off was time off I was I was in such a fucking good mood and it was let's bring it there and you with your boys it's kind of the culture it was kind of the culture you go out and party you know and I think like even hearing it your sas your sbs those guys get after it and just kind of a special kind of that culture and just for me I would take it to that next level sometimes what do you think that is with like what if you're man I just think I don't know what it is a name who knows what it is like what why do some guys just kind of maybe metabolizing alcohol poorly or just lack of maturity I think that that's part of it I had some people are old souls I would say I'm kind of a young soul I had a lot of learning to do during this lifetime and a lot of hard lessons and I think I just I started to realize how dangerous it can be and how fast things can go wrong and as it as it did later down the road when did it start slipping so you've achieved a goal you've done amazing to be a Navy Seal how fast was it before it was well it was pretty much I had been arrested every year since since I can remember since I was 16 years old at rest at every year all even in the Seal teams I would get arrested for some drunk like some drunk night but then it would get kind of swept under the rug and then it was then the lap then a big thing happened I hit a guy in a bar and then it was like no hiding it you know I got a felony aggravated assault charge was fighting for six years in prison and the guy you know he was hurt and it was a whole thing so that's where all the heat started to come you know and it was one time in a bar and that's all it fucking takes I always tell guys it's all it takes man one time there's guy sitting in prison for life for hitting a guy one time he falls down and dies you know it's like you got to be smart man you got to be real fucking smart about what situations you put yourself in how much were you drinking I was slamming it man I was I was getting after it blacked out for sure like a lot almost every night like if I was drinking I was blacking out you know that's just how it was going down what was that left fucking name it bro it was shots you know slamming shots at the bar fucking vodka just no governor at all did you become an alcoholic no because I would say somebody's alcoholics is like kind of relies on it kind of like looking at some months like we deploy I would judge alcohol for seven months not even think about it it was just like when I wanted a party I would get after it what was it like going to your first mission man it felt great it felt great we went to Yemen so it was just growing a beard and getting weird we were in civilian clothes off-grid living in a small camp doing wasn't super hot but it was you know you were out there training a counter-terrorism unit doing stuff and it was just felt good to be working man and just in that job in that space it felt great when was the first time you came under attack no we never got it we never got any issues that no we never had any issues like that there because we were it wasn't they had issues with the Houthis and all that stuff but we were kind of doing some more specialized stuff you know we were doing security for the ambassador in things like that so it wasn't like taking heavies did you ever go to any war zones yeah we went to Iraq so I went to Iraq two years later so I went to Iraq two years later and that was a different situation right because we're dealing we're dealing with al-Qaeda arabian peninsula which was in Yemen and then we're but we're doing foreign internal defense which is training indigenous forces and so that was a little bit slower and then in Iraq you know ISIS is there we're on the front line of troops we're building out of FAB meeting with the Sunni travel fighters who had been displaced by ISIS so we're taking rockets and taking different stuff but that was it was a crazy you know it wasn't like Fallujah and those guys who were getting after you know doing house clearances and close scores it wasn't like that what was it like though being under attack for the first time was that a sense of adrenaline or were you scared no it was fine I didn't have any issues but it's the method of thinking of people like I've interviewed SESBS snipers they tapped differently obviously you're trained to be calm under that fucking pressure but did you not even sense any sort of emotion that was fine man I was I was finally happy man finally be getting shot at be quite honest why do you think that is I don't know man I don't know it was just like finally being able to do the job that's what it felt like and did you lose many brothers no a little bit that our platoon was good we didn't have any issues platoon after us lost a good guy how was that when you see brothers dying? man it's surreal because what a lot of people also don't realize is in the special operations community and any guy in it will understand this people think about combat but people don't realize how many people die in training that's like the other side that you don't realize most die in training a lot and that was weird to see you'd have two three guys die a year your homies dying from skydiving dying from underwater shit and that happened a lot that's why people think combat but that was not where it happens most of the time yeah combat that's what you're saying not for to die but to do basic training man it must be difficult to see it's rough seeing guys go like that because it's always the good guys it's always the fucking really for whatever man I get the chills thinking about it like you know that example of what it should be and it's like kind of a weird moment how was it looking back now right now because being patriotic is a noble thing what if if your country do the right thing and then it comes out there's no weapons of mass destruction and so many people will lose their life for no reason how is that when you see man I wouldn't say it's like for no reason because you're fighting for the guy next to you not for some bigger geopolitical let's be quite honest because it turns into your fighting for your your brother and fuck all the geopolitical who the fuck really knows what's going on nobody you know that's kind of that's kind of where it goes did you ever question that though why you're here and what you're fighting for I would I would I would question maybe a little bit I would question it more though when we'd be so restricted on what we were able to do you know we'd have targets we'd see we'd have guys that we could take out and they were not approved things like that why are we here if we're actually if we're not having any approvals and that that's what affects troop morale the most is having your hands tied who calls the shots and what's the daily routine like is it different every single day in Iraq or is it all regimented quick kind of the same thing ours is pretty with with the SEAL community and special operations community in general special force community you're usually kind of isolated in these in these areas and you you're on 24-hour security you know you're holding your own security that's what people don't realize so you got guys on the roof 24 hours a day two guys are up in the camp 24 hours a day minimum so everyone you everyone's got a job you know and you all have specialties communications the vehicles so everyone's got their program you meet up for meetings in the mini tactical operations center to go over stuff you'll be going out on trainings you'll be going out on missions there'll be different briefings but you're a tight knit group I mean there's only 15 guys there 20 guys there max sometime in Yemen it was less it was about 10 guys so you're tight knit and you have your meetings and then guys break off and do their own thing you know so it's not like hardcore regimented military it's big boy rules what's the worst thing you seen why you're in the Navy SEALs man dude I would say uh they shot rockets at our camp one time and they missed right and they landed in the village next to us so we went over there to kind of see what the deal was and they had killed some little kids you know so that was that was pretty brutal and you know they want us to help the boys first and shit like that and it's like that part's rough how do you go for that is that where the drug the the drink comes in no for me it's not that I just I that's just unfortunate you know that's just unfortunate but it's not like I never turned to something to numb that stuff or at least I didn't think so when did you start getting into bother than that night you punch someone that was the night everything changed for you do you think it was always going to happen because you were in so many fights in prison since you were 16 it was only a matter of time before something more serious happened it was only a matter of time I was playing with fire so much so long but I wasn't out getting in fights all the time really if it hadn't been it hadn't been for years I'd we'd get in little scuffles you know as a group you know whatever it happens but this was just it man it was just the dumb move it was unnecessary and I sent it and I paid for it man what happened what happened when you punch the guy he just went down like a sack of potatoes his orbital eye socket broke so he almost lost his eye that was that was what what happened so he had to get surgery had to pay for everything it was a whole thing man when were you at your happiest when you were doing this stuff and war zones are protecting people fighting for your brothers are fighting in bars when were you did you ever feel happy that's a great question and I actually thought about this the other day when I was at my most happy for I'm at my happiest right now thank God but you know that's that but during that time it was right when I graduated right when I finished shield training and everything was still fresh and not complicated yet we hadn't had friends die and like things were fresh and new that was cool and then right before right around the time I hit that guy right this is interesting right around that time I hit that guy things were peaking again they were like really good I was getting early promotes and getting all these accolades at work then that happened and then two years later same day almost same fucking day I get another altercation this not a fight but as a this is that was the nail in the coffin what got me kicked out of the SEAL teams was two years later and I was at my happiest at that the day before that happened I remember it specifically because I was in the shower going I had found a new love I was like in love and I was everything was building back up because I had just cleared up all that shit it took me two years and I was like man I fucking feel great the next next day I was in jail again how is that though it's not a self-sabotage kind of thing but when you're doing that and things seem going as if they're going good there's always something chopping at the door to say you don't deserve this and then something bad happens man it was self-sabotage and you know what the self-sabotage rooted in I had to really think about this for a long time it's 100% lack of self-worth you know it's 100% lack of self-worth because I knew I wasn't living in alignment I wasn't doing all the things I should be doing I wasn't holding discipline so there's that you don't deserve this man it's gonna fucking the other shoe's gonna drop you nailed it on the head with that I think it's 100% subconscious poor self-talk what about relationships how hard is it for someone in the military to be in love especially with the stuff that they see in alcohol man they say in the special operations community the divorce rate is 135% including second marriages it's hard bro because man we were gone as a single man I was gone 270 days a year not deployed training just living in hotels and shit that puts strain on some guys can pull it off but it's the rare cat like rock solid moral compass really good chick they are like bonded I know I can put maybe on one hand for real for real that can pull that shit off successfully do you think it's easier being single then oh it's a single man's game it's a single man's game and there's pros and cons with that right you're not as locked up but it's a single man's game and almost any guy in that world will agree what was your mom saying when you were in the Navy was she happy for you she loved it she proud for sure you know and at the time my sister was married to a seal also it was like we had a pretty like when seal team 7 deployed her son in law and her son would deploy at the same time you know and my sister's husband would be gone it would be like a whole thing you just must be competing like fuck against each other like board games are Christmas that must be fucking mother drinking at Christmas time man fuck having a thing in that house you know but like again that marriage disintegrated you know so like it didn't last and it's a difficult world it's a difficult world to stay in for sure just physically mentally for sure what's the hardest part about being in the military in the military in general it's time gone it's just time gone you need to be you need to have face time with people to maintain bonds and just all that time demanded away is because you have no autonomy you're going how long were you in before you get kicked out 7 years and some change so a big chunk of your life you put everything into it to die for your country fight for your brothers to then one incident punching a man nearly fucking killing them was it in a coma? I actually beat that whole case and I got reinstated fully and I went to Iraq even after that and then two years later I fucking gotten a golf cart that wasn't mine dead serious this is how it happens at a Jimmy Buffett concert wasted away I'm dead serious that was on the thing I get picked up by the cops they sick a dog on me I have a huge chunk out of my ass from it they taze me three times to get me on the ground and that's how easily it goes from I lost my seal career because I got a fucking golf cart that wasn't mine dead serious and it was because then I fled then the cops start checking me then I'm beating off a dog so it's snowballed off of something so fucking stupid and that was the nail on the head because I was on probation now I violated my probation on another violent crime I had federal marshals in a van trying to extradite me from the state it was three lawyers in two states hemorrhaging cash fighting all this shit again the second time as an act duty Navy SEAL with the top secret clearance I went to jail two times in Idaho so then they kicked me out right what was it like getting tased? man dude they tased me once and I pulled it out they tased me twice and I pulled it out it was one of the ones they go phew you know they shoot you and I pulled it out and then they tased me a third time and it was in the middle of my back and I couldn't get it and then they hit me with that fourth one it was really down hard but you were a bit strong man they must have been shitting themselves well that's why they actually kicked me out because the Navy JAG the judge advocate general they looked over there's no way this guy is not on performance enhancing drugs because I was actually going to beat that case too so they steroid tested me they sent it up to this expensive ass lab and I fucking lit that motherfucker up man I popped hot on and so they zero tolerance they look at it as like drugs because it's not approved so that's what actually got me kicked out was steroid use performance enhancing drug use got me kicked out I thought I'm the majority of them I don't want to envy man that's if maybe if you can get it approved from a doctor from testosterone but I was on other shit too and it was off the books man I love what fucking Las Vegas do you think that's part of the reason why you went a bit loopy? possibly, possibly, absolutely it definitely wasn't stabilizing my psychology 100% so this happened so you've done more shit got away with it but then it stemmed from being drunk in a golf cart what was the dog bite like? man dude fucking motherfucker dude it was like I get bit by razor blades man I got him off though you've been shot at fucking missiles he's on four times but the dog I think about that, it's time I look at my ass man I got a nice little chunk what sort of dog was that? germ shepherd so is that when everything changed then? how long did it take to go to court? the court process pretty quick but then it bled into the other state charge because I had a probationary term so it's not military court? it was both, it was both so I had two different courts going on long story short it took me about seven months for that whole process to get complete to get finalized I went to jail back in Idaho and then by the time I walked out of jail I had my discharge papers and I was out of the military what was it like in jail so it wasn't an army jail then? no, I went to civilian jail twice what was that like? it was alright it's a mixed bag of guys because it's county jail so it's not prison right but that can be kind of bad and good you don't have any yard time so no sunlight, no yard time it's full lockdown and it's guys going to federal prison it's guys on serious violent crimes it's guys who are on drug crimes so it's a mixed bag so that can get a little weird what you're thinking then when you're in prison possibly getting kicked out not gonna fuck all the ills to fall back on was that a stressful time in your life? to be quite honest when I was in jail I was actually kind of fucking happy to be clearing this shit up I was actually kind of in a good mood and I had set some shit up so I had set, used my contacts and I set a pretty good gig up and I knew I was getting out and I went into private residential development so I went into actually building homes as a supervisor and took a super lateral left but that's kind of what I went into right out of the military what was it like getting kicked out of the military? that I almost just shelfed it and this leads perfectly into that what happened next is I just shelfed it like okay that happened and immediately day I got out of the military I started stacking bad habits stacking them the day I got out Adderall, Xanax, weed, alcohol every fucking day I didn't miss a day no Sunday off cause I was actually functioning and I was successful too which is, that was the dangerous part is I could lie to myself because I'm like look at me man I got the beautiful girlfriend in the house by the beach fucking the great job I'm crushing it nobody can tell me shit man and so then I just kept doing it I kept doing it, it's working obviously I wasn't drinking at work but I was like eating Adderall in the morning to get going then I was okay eating Xanax a little bit later I was at La Vodka at like 5pm right and I'm like all these things are starting to build that I wouldn't have done before definitely not in the SEALS and now I'm smoking weed every night that's the worst thing but it was just all these things and then a year later I moved into a different job doing some venture capitalist type ventures with somebody and I stacked on an opioid habit on top of it so now I was doing that all night and then getting up and doing Adderall to get up in the morning so two years were going on with this the relationship struggling you can't bend reality that long doing that type of shit and I went face down literally smashed my whole head open on like a table was fired I was crushing it now I was the CEO of this thing you know the guy said something you were an asset now you're in a liability that fucking stung I never forgot that that was so well put it was exactly the truth I was getting speed wobbles and I went down hard and that's when to answer your question James was when I lost everything and I was homeless in my truck dead serious I had all this stuff all these titles was flying a thousand miles an hour and I know I realized I fucking have nowhere to go and I have no money that was like the weirdest I had never experienced that and I'm not a seal anymore that was the took me two years two fucking years to come to that realization and that's when I was like I'm gonna smoke myself and that's when I was thinking about killing myself for three days I had a sawed-off shotgun on my lap and I was like I'm gonna take my life I can't fucking do this shit anymore like I'm tired of trying to be successful and that's the state I was in for for a little bit there How was that then from 16 and out of trouble drinking you're kind of getting away with it you're only a young kid you're doing your thing Navy Seal kind of put the plaster over it as well you're doing something with your life but you still had that in a demon you still had that fucking devil it was only a matter of time before listen the saving grace is it was such a silly thing with the golf cap but even then it could have been fucking somebody's life do you know what I mean? that's the route you are going down killer bee kill and when it all adds up you've been let go from the Navy Seals the military you've not got anything you didn't want to admit too much pride, too much ego I'm fine drinking drugs, no more the pain destroys everybody else around us and then bang it comes to a head and then what do we want to do we want to take our own life how was that feeling big strong man does it feel life? man that was such a powerful moment that was like a religious experience it was I had to get honest with myself for the first time ever that I wasn't happy with who I was right? I had been so deliberate about what I wanted to do my whole life but never deliberate about who I wanted to be ever and I still wasn't sure who I wanted to be at that moment but then I had that moment of clarity that higher consciousness God whatever anybody wants to call it I had this moment where I was like you fucking pussy you're thinking about yourself all that's all you're doing you have a mom you have a sister what's their life going to look like if you do this and I had this like moment I was like man dude I'm going to be out here in my pity party just fuck that I'm going to the french form that's exactly how that happened and I was like I'm fixing this shit right now I was like I'm not going to just sit here and wallow anymore there's nothing holding me back how close were you to helping the trigger? I was thinking about different ways for a while I was thinking about jumping off a cliff and then I realized it probably wasn't high enough and I just get really hurt and then I was like well there's a volcano near me that's serious and that kind of brought me out I laughed at myself I'm like bro I'm out here thinking about wild I'm like you're that's honestly me having that thought was what brought me kind of out of like you fucking pity part jumping a volcano you're fucking insane fit clean it up bro that's what I was like clean it the fuck up and so man that's that was the situation I was in psychologically but with the minute I always say when guys are having a hard time fucking make just pick something and go doesn't need to be perfect doesn't need to know exactly how it's going to get done to only get out of that pit is you have got to pick something and just start moving and that's like that's what felt good for a minute is I had another goal to actually just okay start moving towards yeah as long as you keep going forward have to it's okay stopping it's okay stopping taking a little you have to don't go back because if you go back then that's when all the fucking negatives kick in and that's when your life becomes in danger because you feel as if there's no progress to feel as if there's no no purpose and hopelessness yeah and it's a scary feeling and the majority of the world feel like this not just men anymore women feeling scared feeling hopeless feeling and fear feeling that other people are better other people are living their life social media plays a big part but that's just the way it is so you've hurt rock bottom you've lost everything you've got fuck all you've got addictions everywhere you're ready to kill yourself why the foreign legion I had it had come on my radar when I thought I couldn't get in the United States military okay and you had that as an option emergency option and then man I have fucking what else was I gonna do right that's kind of where I was what else do I do I was good with a gun I knew I was good with that then I also had this piece like man I want to write an interesting story right if I'm gonna do something I'm gonna fucking cool and so I was I had never heard of a Navy SEAL being the foreign legion had never heard of it so I'm like man I'll do that shit that's me and so that's what I did so I eight days later I was in France at that gate of the Fort Nogen and nearly anybody that's correct from 18 to 39 is that a myth no that's absolutely true why is that 18 to 39 and a half yeah yeah I don't know but ain't your fucking crazy it's fascinating institution for anybody that's not aware of what it is it's you know almost a couple hundred years old it was started by an old king and it was two funnel foreigners he had in bars causing trouble in the streets who had fought in a previous war back onto the battlefield to get him out of the streets back onto the battlefield and he gave him the carrot of French citizenship if they served their time kind of like the old Roman legions if they served their 17 years they would get French citizenship it was like that that's where the idea came from so anybody can join and it's 24 hours a day 7 days a week 365 days a year you can go knock on those legion doors there's two main pre-selection centers and a couple satellite spots but really the two main pre-selection centers you can go knock on the door Christmas day if you wanted and a guy with a gun will open the door and let you in that's fucking crazy that is crazy but the French are always being crazy they're not right in the head so that was your last option why did you still want to be some sort of military I had painted myself into a corner again I thought I had no money I had no latitude I knew at least I would be covered if I could get there I'll make it the story I told myself was that I had no other option I may have but in my head I didn't so what's the steps to get into the foreign legion you go with your bag with a super streamlined bag go knock on that door and hand the guy your fucking passport there's no calling ahead there's no setting an appointment and then he tells you to get up on the pull up bar it's like the first thing that you do and you do that then they're going to give you a real preliminary IQ test and then they're going to let you go for a little bit and then you immediately get grouped up in a room full of guys from Mongolia, Belorussia Ukraine Colombia it's fascinating to be in a room with that many languages spoken the Olympics maybe you're going to come into something like that really weird situation, unique and then they're going to start processing you they're going to do medical evaluations psychological profiles psychological interviews background hardcore interrogations for lack of a better word are you who you say you are that's what their biggest concern is they don't want guys coming in with sexual crimes they don't want guys coming in with huge issues with inter-pull arm trafficking and shit and it's happened man a lot so they're really they don't fuck around they're to kind of give you some numbers one out of 15 guys that come and knock on that gate will get selected one out of 15 but that's easy numbers for you to pass the Navy Seals for the numbers that actually started that so but so for the foreign Legion because you do not become like a ghost and not like change your name they do so people who was on the run for murder arms dealing or drug dealing it's perfect for them to slip through the net how intense is it though to pass all those tests for them to do the background checks and say okay you're clear well one out of 15 when you know so does that's not a great number percentage wise is that one out of 15 people who failed training also are the background checks no that's just just just background checks and interviews so that's only one in 15 medical what it was the full no no that's just background checks and interviews how many pull ups man I think I think they want to see at least 10 but you know so it's not crazy but you know I did like 20 or 30 were you going in good shape were you off I mean I've always trained even if you're off the drugs and shot so that's actually a good question so I had kicked the opioids right before so I was like okay I got that down but I'm still drinking and doing Adderall and all that stuff every day and smoking weed so when I got to France I gave myself I was like I need a week to clean my system out detox and that's what I did so I just cut everything we tried to go on some runs and stuff and just lived in a shitty ass hostel and just drink water man just pissed it all out so what about background checks so if you've been in prison if you've been kicked out of the military they're okay with that yeah man I have another boy a homie who was he's the only other special force guy he was a marine raider he's the only other guy in the French foreign legion who was also special operations before and awesome awesome fucking bro he had a an issue with a gun charge it wasn't him he sold the gun and then he so he had a felony technically you come in you can have felonies come into the French foreign legion it's okay they just want to know what kind of felony and are you honest about it so it's like you're fucking on me for the lost souls yeah man and some guys get in with crazy charges kidnapping and stuff but if the guy's like man if you really own it they want to see you own that shit because you can't get better if you don't know where you're at right it's like getting lost in the woods they can't fix you if you're in denial about and that's that goes with everything right that goes with saying the legion's no different the guys are interviewed if you're trying to brush it off or saying oh well it wasn't me it was I was in the wrong they're gonna fucking right out if you're like I've made some dumb fucking choices and now I'm here I want to change my life they'll give you a chance is that what it's like it seems like a rehab for I mean some guys also it's not even guys who are just hard cores there's guys going there for the money too coming from real poor countries I mean you don't get paid shit but you got guys coming from real poor countries they're making it rain when they go home with that legion salary it's crazy seriously man that exchange rate works doesn't work for us going the other way but it works for some guys and some for the nationality right because some their passports so weak they want to get that French nationality and get that European fucking tag and then they can get in it's like the fucking military for the it's like a rehab for the military and saying the ones who are naughty, the ones who are in prison charges everywhere and they just accept tattoos, convictions man you got guys coming in with faces tatted and heads bro so who operates it then how's the leaders technically yeah technically it's the French it's very uniquely gray legally right because when I got in they gave me a fake name they gave me a fake European social security number with a fucking passport for France official passport that I deployed on my first deployment to South America the Amazon jungle doing interdiction of gold mines and shit on a fake name though I have a passport and you can keep that name if you want if you want your old name back in your passport you have to route additional paperwork up it comes back they do additional background checks and shit like that and then you can get your real name back which I did but some guys they just want to stay the ghost man seeing you're doing the psychological stuff what was your reports were you passed clear man they must have fucking been like this guy's awesome I got the high score bro I think I broke the machine I got the high score bro no I think military wise my psychological profile is pretty good I know how to soldier I know how to answer the questions they know what they're getting with me yeah they would have seen that you're there for the job yeah they're like this guy's good to go so my psychological profile is actually pretty even stable even if you weren't they would have fucking stamped it anyway because possibly you know I brought my paperwork so they knew who I was coming in and I wanted them to so see what's the training like so you pass all those tests you do the pull ups you're in a room with so many different backgrounds what sort of training do you do as we're kind of moving into the actual military training and the physical training they start testing you more and the french war legion runs man they are runners they're not run through deserts and do some mad shit they run bro man they man they're out there running and I'm not right so it was challenging but you know you're doing all basic military stuff first you're doing army basic boot camp but now there's that language piece thrown in which adds an interesting flavor of difficulty because military orders are done in french nobody speaks french so that creates some issues create some friction and some some difficulties but you work through it and everybody's got this catch-all in french and we work through it started learning the how you maneuver and make calls in french and then you start going into the physical training you know they're doing a lot of body calisthenics and stuff like that but you're out shooting and doing all that stuff I went to a mountain specialty so I was doing a mountain warfare specialty so we're doing a lot of stuff in the mountains in winter and summer what was more difficult the navy seals or the foreign legion selection seal training much harder longer also and in the foreign legion the psychological problem is way way worse more things you're feeling isolated you know everyone's got that feeling of aloneness you're not with your bros you're it's a harsh environment also it's very it's more prison like so it's not fun and it's that you're fighting through that and feeling of loss that feeling of loss that you're there and what am I doing here that a lot of guys have that so you have a desertion problem also guys will just say fuck this I can't take it and it's a pressure it's an institution that's built around like you said they got all these lost souls coming so how do you get those guys you put them under a fucking heavy thumb real heavy thumb like you walk across the grass wrong with the legion they're putting you in fucking jail and I'm not even really exaggerating they're hardcore your all reported you're not going out of the base without reporting and getting cards and checks in like your autonomy is very minimal so that creates another level of pressure and that's all your whole contract that doesn't end at bootcamp that's five years of that that's that's good for you though because that's discipline that you never had away from all the bad stuff man man I didn't fucking well the truth was it was nice for the time but after like the first year I didn't need that it was actually I needed more and so I started instituting more discipline of myself like they would set the wake up time at five I'll get up at three and I'd work out in the bathroom and I started like that's when the something clicked when I realized the only way to my salvation and my inner peace and clarity is to just fucking crush myself on discipline and just never miss so that's what I started to do in the Legion when I started to kind of see the light do you regret not doing that in the Navy Seals? I don't regret anything well I shouldn't say that I regret things in my life but man I just wasn't there yet I couldn't I couldn't regret it I wish I don't I don't want to wish my life away I should have been more responsible for my teammates for my team for my and just been less selfish that's what I that's what I really would have liked to have been less selfish and had a better more mature understanding of the situation I was just seeing it like yeah I'm going out and party but I didn't look at it like hey if I get in trouble here I'm gonna cause a bunch of fucking problems for the team, for my leadership for all these people that are trying to get mission readiness and that that's what I wish I would have seen so once you is a five year contract you need to stay there for five years no matter what yeah well yeah technically yes what's that feeling then so what happens if you people don't want to be there they can desert they go they will yeah they go home and then it is what it is you know it's a unique thing then it's a big problem what's that like then fight for another country was that not weird or was it just you just wanted to fight do you think yeah I I've had moments where it's where people have posed me questions and I was like my loyalties to the United States right I mean my loyalties to the United States it's just it'd be the UK or United States if there's an issue I would never have that like that conflict what happens if that if American France went into war I'd imagine they would have to kick you but what happens if somebody says because obviously they're gonna spy how would that then happen somebody asked me that question the other day man I don't know man that's a heavy thing to think about obviously because you know there's alliance ties for so long man I don't I mean they political scenario seen in the legions unique because Ukraine just happened right we have Russians and Ukrainians in the legion a lot so that that wasn't but it was seamless really seamless they let the Ukrainian guys go home a lot of them went home to fight and you know they let they gave they gave them time to go get their families and shit and some just stayed in thought so and then they can come back a legion if they want it's wild man that's fucking nuts yeah man so you get Russians Ukrainians but they're fighting for France but yet France let them go and fight for their own country yeah well they let them go for a little bit and some guys just didn't come back but they're like hey you could come back if how many people was in them how many people was in the foreign legion it's about 8000 7500 everyone's strong mad kind of up for it man everyone's pretty good but the lead French foreign legion is a one-stop shop for France they don't outsource anything so the French foreign legion in that 7500 guys has their own tanks has their own medical staff has their own administrative staff their own cooks their own security their own parachute regiments mountain regiments engineering regiments combat divers right they don't outsource shit so they need all types they need guys slang in an a dub and guys working in the kitchen right so they need that whole spectrum so not everyone's a machine in a war like me you know or some Belarusian you see you know but so they have a nice spread because you got guys there who just want the nationality and the money you know they want a better life for their family or whatever who's the toughest boys you came across what country man I would say Slovakians Belarusians and yeah those are the two groups are pretty so you got a lot of tough Brazilians also obviously the Russians and the Polish and stuff they're just tough bastards they're just fucking different yeah the we don't have a lot of polls there used to be a lot more polls but every poll I've met tough as shit and the Slovakians are all big and tough Scottish man we got a couple crossing we got a couple good Scots men and they're always funny as shit man good good what you want to know something interesting the oldest guy the oldest guy in the French army is a legionnaire and he's a Scottish dude he's badass too he's crushing it I think in the SCS selection as well it's the majority of the Scottish that pass really so I don't know what the fuck it has tapped something yeah maybe fighting for years yeah you guys got that old school fucking battle axe change did you see that though with a lot of people as well where they were brought up you thought okay he's tough what I really started to see was the guys who grew up real poor you know those guys have a different mindset of what's tough you know especially you got those guys that grew up poor in Ukraine you know and or poor in wherever their their level of what is considered bad and good is different than some guy who's just had it easy his whole life you know that they're like this isn't bad how long have you done now is it four years five years yeah I'm coming up on my end my end of my contract man I'm pretty much on terminal leave now so you're allowed to speak out and stuff and do your videos yeah well I got a little friction don't get me wrong did you yeah because I thought it was going to be so I kind of game plan I was like man I want to help people I want to get like kind of this message out so but I had to get right first and I still had moments where I wasn't fucking perfect and then I just at one time last year was like look I'm locking it on I can't help anybody if I'm not 100% right and it's going to be it'll show I'm not authentic I'm not living how I'm preach so then I just started to do that then when I was so clear and was really experiencing this mental clarity in this inner piece and I was like you know this okay I got figured out I cracked the fucking code I know how to do this and I built out a system which I show guys it's a daily system but I was like part of it you got to get to your face out there you got to be talking man you got it people got to know who you are so I push record on the camera and I started my in my youtube and I was like oh probably I got some time it won't blow up right away you know give me some time so right before I get out then then maybe I'll get some heat it fucking blew up immediately first video and second video got 400,000 views already and it's not even like seven eight weeks right and I'm like okay then I started getting the heat they're like hey you need to take it down so I had to be in an administrative legal battle with the foreign Legion over it still yeah yeah so you hadn't came down argument with them just now yeah and so I'm still but because they know I'm positive on it though I'm not I'm not ripping I'm actually very grateful for these they saved my fucking life man and I say that so they understand it and so it's kind of just this cold war right now they're just kind of waiting it out I'm gonna get out soon it's all good it's all good on the up and up because they know I'm not gonna be disrespectful and so they just like he's not really saying anything bad I'm quite the opposite can you speak about the foreign Legion when you're in no no was it from the technically no and they're just mad because I did some of it in a uniform they just can't control the narrative they can't control the narrative which I get one day I can just fly off the handle and just say whatever so I understand their position but I also understand mine yeah you've got a fucking life to lead back they've saved your life in some degree as well so that's why I'm respectful yeah and I it looks good on with the uniform and stuff man dude it looks fresh dude and I represent it well and I speak clearly and directly about it and only positive stuff really because if somebody needs fucking help and they're in that that realm it it's there and it's and you can actually be really you can make a career out of it if you wanted to you could do some really cool shit and guys have that option and it's a fantastic option it's unique as unique as shit what's the foreign legions puppets then if they're only such a small army it's it's a unique arm of France to be able to put foreigners places and not French citizens right you know so if something happens it's not French citizens coming back and body bags you know so that's that's really where it started it's the lack of political pressure of losing that one yeah you know where did you get deployed to I was deployed immediately when I got to my regiment to French again in South America which a lot of people don't realize French have territory in South America just north of Brazil called Guillaume Francais and we spent four months down there doing deep jungle operations doing interdiction for gold illegal gold mines I mean we're hitting gold mines every other fucking day on patrols there it is prolific down there prolific and small little villages out in the middle of the Amazon karaoke machines and shit like whole bars built in the middle of the Amazon they're gold mining and then we were two years later then we did a interior domestic mission of France called Vigiparat which is anti-terrorism and that's what the French and in some French army you just patrol interior France for like two months that's very unique in most I don't think they do that in England they definitely don't do it in the United States just guys patrolling around with assault rifles especially foreigners but it's a good mission we did ours in Nice which is fine because they have in Europe you know the terrorist threat is very real and they had a huge issue there where a bunch of people died in 2016 I believe what's the year so and the French citizens love it hey you know they're very nice to us it's very cool and then the year after that they deployed us to the Russian border with NATO for the enhanced forward presence battle group and we were part of the French contingent French War Legion with some French army with the English the Danish the Estonians all together doing kind of flexing along the border of Russia in Estonia was that? it was alright a lot of nice being able to speak English again man because they're like I was always getting yelled at man speak French because I'd be sick but then they're like hey man we need you to speak English to these fucking guys man because we're working with England so see when you're doing the foreign legion and it's coming to an end how was that feeling? fucking good was that? it feels great feels really great man it feels like I'm ready it feels and I know it because my habits are fixed even when I'm receiving some measures of success with this stuff I realize my habits are so fixed I get up at two in the morning two I get up at two no matter what time I go to bed it doesn't matter I do all my morning process I'm doing pushups hydrating I've got it down to a system and I just don't miss I start my work day really early and it feels good and it feels correct that's when I know I'm right because anything that changes in my life I still am like right along with it and that's when I knew I was ready and also I feel like I've done what I needed to do in the military I scratched all those itches I got all the t-shirts I got two really good t-shirts and I'm the only one that have done it so I feel good about that and I don't feel like there's much more in the moment where I was like last year I was thinking about going to Ukraine because I got contacts there and they're like hey man you should come and then I realize bro I'm just running from myself right because I know I want to be successful in the civilian world and the only reason I would go is because I think I can't make it I think I couldn't make it in the civilian world be running away from what I know I should be doing so that's I had that moment look I'm going to I want to make this I'm doing this and I'm going to commit do you feel that's what it was a lot of the time was running away from something for a while no it was just stacking my experience but then I realized that this time it would be man I'm fucking 38 man who am I trying to prove something to that's where I realized am I trying to prove myself nobody gives a shit I don't want to do another thing and fight for Ukraine it's not going to nobody's going to be pat me on the back why am I trying to do it I'm trying to please somebody that doesn't exist and that was from that lack of self-worth I had to be doing all these things to feel appreciated or something and then that started to go away when I started just putting in that work daily where I don't need exterior external validation to make me feel good that's what I try to teach guys is they're like hey man I'm not happy in my job I want to go you're reaching for straws man like you will fail if you're reaching externally for fulfillment you will fucking fail every time because what if that job goes away what if what if it's a relationship you're you have got to be good everywhere so you're good how hard was it making the changes and coming off the drugs that wasn't too hard because I just kind of went into that my old school military mindset I had never been a real I'll tell you what was hard though I'll take that back the opioids that was a real addiction that was a real the alcohol and the weed and all that one day opioids and fentanyl that shit was fucking real man I didn't realize it until I came off it when I was like whoa this is like really affected my body that was not something I wish on my worst enemy you know yeah it's a level in the kidneys before that shit it was like I the best way I could describe it somebody that hasn't experienced it was like I couldn't be in my own skin it was like massive discomfort being in just like were you hallucinating I wasn't hallucinating but I wasn't sleeping so I started to hallucinate because I couldn't sleep for five days I took myself to the to the hospital and I was like look man I'm fucking I'm a Navy SEAL I know what sleep deprivation is like I'm at maxed out maxed out five days is when things start to get real real dangerous internally your body starts not processing skeletal muscle breakdown starts happening your liver is dangerous and how was it then you started coming through the other end of it the clarity once the fog fog of war lifted a little bit that felt good it kind of felt a little opening getting rid of those opioids and stuff was that I knew it was positive because it's a fucking empty pit you can never get enough that's what dangerous about that shit and it's you know we see the epidemic all over the earth nowadays it's all over every country it's a pit that you need a little more every time every time you need a little more you need a little more and then it's then it starts to be you need a little bit more just to feel normal that's when it shit starts getting weird what about the alcohol no no I don't you you'll never see me slamming shots in a bar ever again that's that's that shit's done for me because it's but if I'm with my mom's at a winery I'm not gonna not have a glass of wine right that's just and as I started to focus on or if I'm at dinner with somebody you know it's like the approach is different the approach is different the outcomes if it's fucking up my day or if I'm regretting something something's wrong and that hasn't happened in years you know so that's as I started focusing on the greater the lesser started falling away you know I'm not drinking well doesn't fit in my macros I have super strict regimen on my nutrition it doesn't work so I just that's not working that's not working they start getting thrown out you know what I was drinking every every fucking day now it's like you know months go by how much is fitness saved your life fitness is the absolute touch point it's an absolute touch point my and I think it should be a fundamental for everybody with mental health I think people start taking medication before they even start working out it's backwards you start working out you're gonna start feeling better you don't have to do crazy shit you don't have to be doing crazy stuff you just eat a little better eat some get some good information somebody actually knows and work out a little bit and watch how your day gets better watch how your watch how the momentum starts picking up in your life it's absolutely foundational for mental clarity what's your daily routine like now so every day I get up at two or two fifteen and I go into some simple some simple coffee and some thought you know I like to stay centered no inputs from the phone no inputs from stuff like quiet time I don't do the red dot cold plunge and all the stuff in the morning complicated because it's not repeatable I always like things that I can do in any hotel room or something simple black coffee and a floor is all I need and then I'll go into some Mike Tyson push-ups something to kind of get the vibration up then I'll go into some active deliberate visualization for like ten fifteen minutes takes me thirty five forty minutes maximum for all that but that brings me to a high level vibration then I might eat a little food then go into some work emails stuff like that where it's quiet you know it's so early that nobody else is up and then I try to get into the gym a little bit later in the morning eat some food and then kind of go into the day what should I eat like what do you eat I'm pretty strict on the macronutrients so I'll track my food I found that to be so you're just on your protein carbs and fats yeah I just track my protein carbs and fats and I try to get the micronutrients good eat a good I'm all about just a balanced diet very balanced I don't do any kind of crazy I tried keto tried carnivore and I felt terrible I just and I was hard for me did I just didn't work for me maybe I wasn't doing it right but I found just a simple balanced diet that's low in fat and just with good with clean burning carbohydrates and protein is best yeah I think that's what everybody needs to do is just touch on majority and whatever makes them feel better yeah then go with that because everybody's bodies are different people telling you go carnivore vegan fucking it's just crazy out there's so much out there negatives and positives do it right for you and people just got to know and they got to be consistent yeah people got to be consistent they're just not consistent enough to know what's good for them and there's so much information like you said James so much it's overwhelming so find somebody that you have something you want admire like how they flow how they ask them what they're doing they're a fitness person hey how do you eat they'll tell you if you because I had to do it I had to reach out somebody I'm like I'm a Navy SEAL legionnaire nobody can tell me how to train and eat the truth was I didn't fucking know I didn't know and so I reached out to somebody paid him a bunch of money to teach me and it worked and my fucking energy went through the roof and I've never looked back since and it was so such a good call and I found out what works for me and that's kind of what I teach guys is just this balanced diet but it's knowing your macronutrients too specific to each person and if you don't know you don't know what's your biggest life lesson that you've learned so far man that's a powerful question stay purpose driven that's stay purpose driven you have two choices with everything is it in every decision is this pleasure driven or purpose driven simple you ask yourself that question every time and you choose that purpose over pleasure more often than not your life's going to be way better what do you go forward for the future what's your plans I'm starting the coaching started hitting that really hard got a book coming out called the hard way and then we're going to maybe go on a speaking circuit really I want to push how much better your life can be you're deliberate about it you're deliberate about your health you're deliberate about your wellness how much better people can be for the people in their life when you start stripping away those vices you know I'm not saying absolutely perfection but if you start stripping away your vices and start subtracting things you don't need and start actually planning for that what does your beautiful life look like start planning deliberately and working towards it what are you going to do build that self worth people are out here in these streets James wanting people to listen to them they don't fucking listen to themselves how fucking ridiculous is that people demanding respect they don't respect themselves fuck off man I do not fucking respect every person walking by they can give fuck if I look at them and I know they're not doing the fucking work fuck them start respecting yourself hold yourself to a higher standard for me I'd be dude if I was here in London back in the day I'd be at fucking strip club doing all this shit fuck it man but the truth is man I'm better than that I can hold myself to a better standard be a better fucking man feel better and stop doing shit that I regret which is ridiculous how important is discipline it's pinnacle it's absolutely required for self worth you cannot have self worth or respect without discipline it's impossible do you see that though that everything that you've learnt through the years to stay active to stay away from the bad stuff discipline is one of the key factors to achieving something in your life if you can't consistently push through those rises tips in emotion which we all have in motivation discipline is the only thing that's going to get you through that which you know how often you don't want to do James right so it's only discipline and commitment that gets you through it and if people want to rely on motivation you're going to fuck yourself because that is going to go away fast or it's not going to be around when you want it what's the book about the books about my path the hard way picking a hard path but also you choose that hard path you can make that hard path a lot harder by making dumb choices and learning the hard way it's much better to learn from other people's mistakes be the wise man that learns from other people's mistakes everything doesn't have to be the hard way choose a difficult path but don't make it fucking extra hard are you still friends with old Navy Seals? oh tons man, dude we talking I got boys operating at the tip of the spear still and still in and they're all fucking super proud they all love it because we're all super close and they know where my heart's at and what I'm all about because they know the dips that I've been down and they've always been there for me even when I was down and out they'd still throw me that text like hey man when what whip we taken we got you it was nice having that bro really grateful is that one of the best things about being in a military is the brotherhood? if you can get into a really tight unit especially in special operations man those bonds are that shared hardship it's like that spartany gogy stuff man it's like so deep rooted recreate those bonds and those experiences they're so hard and you see each other at your weak points that's really the honest part is you see each other at your weakest and you know you still love each other and you hold each other together are you scared coming out of the military because it's all you've really known? no I'm so ready and it's already set up for me so well and I've got my I would have been scared if I hadn't had shit set up you know if I hadn't been working it more importantly I would have been scared if I knew my habits were still in shaky but they're not so I I'm ready now like more than I would have thought yeah I fucking love it mate like especially for where you've came from you've done all the hardship, you've learnt a lot and now it's just about leaving motivation and trying to help others and do you think that's a big issue with guys in the military loving life they're now doing what they want to do it's a big adventure but that's the fun when they came out because I do a lot of homeless work in Scotland and a lot of the boys on the street are military ex-military and it breaks your heart to see that they're willing to die for their country but yet nobody's willing to die for them so do you see a lot of the struggles more when they came out of the military instead of in it? 100% 100% because there's not that structure but also what guys got to realise is man you gotta build your own disciplines so when guys will hit me up when I'm kind of working with guys who are getting out they go hey I'm about to transition out of the military I said fucking get on my program right now it's gonna save your fucking life if you get out and I'm talking more discipline than you had in the military I'm talking serious wake up time serious get discipline get that structure establish it first of all just better for life in general if you're purpose driven and you're a military guy you fucking need that shit because you need that self worth built in yourself because now you don't have that that circumstantial scenario self worth where you're with a group and you can point to the group as part of your self worth that's cut away now you have got to be good by yourself and you're not gonna be good by yourself until you're proud of yourself what's the program I call it the deliberate life program but I put guys on three or six month programs or a year they can go on a year and it's exactly my schedule wake up time supplements how you eat their proper macros proper nutrition everything we go over and then we do face times where we break down like what they're doing in their day what actually is their plan cause everyone's plans different what's their 10.0 self look like habitually construct that guy that's what we do we habitually construct their beautiful life their vision and their 10.0 self every day we write it down you read it you do all these fucking steps if it's not getting you where you're needing to go it's fucking hurting you then get rid of it right and that includes relationships that includes anything how do people get involved in your program for people that's watching just now yeah if you if you have lost your mojo and you you feel a little lost fucking contact me I will save your fucking life I guarantee it taylorcavanon.com they can go on my website you can always get it you can always get a hold of me there DM me on instagram tcav official or you can drop me a comment or something on my youtube tcav tv but it's best through the website taylorcavanon.com or DM tcav official on instagram for anybody watching brother that's in that life of struggling, pain and suicidal thoughts or battling with addiction what advice would you have for them stop doing too much stop listen and look around take a fucking inventory of your life if you're feeling like things are starting to fall off the back of the truck things are getting shaky because we all been there where things start getting chaotic and unmanageable sit in your fucking house or wherever get a piece of paper out and write down where you're at I am homeless I am fucking have cases pending write it down get honest with yourself seeing it in black and white is powerful then go what am I doing write it down that is contributing to this and start fucking subtracting stuff don't add more don't go try to find all these extra things just start taking away stuff success is absolutely subtractive start taking away stuff and you'll start clearing up your mental bandwidth and pick a goal and start moving towards it brother listen for coming all the way over and telling your story thoroughly enjoyed that you're an inspiration would you like to finish up on anything else now James I really appreciate it bro you have crushing it on this platform that authenticity is just dripping off your bro so I appreciate it yeah anything brother but for people watching how can they get in contact again social media is youtube because everything is just about to pop off you you're going to start doing the rounds on the podcast scene you're going to blow up I know that that's why I've got you here brother so how can people get in contact with you again so Instagram t-cab official you can always DM me there I'm Johnny I got a spot with that I got sparks flying off my phone I'm on that thing so much but it's important be in contact and my website TaylorKavanaugh.com you can get all my contact information there brother for changing your life it's been unbelievable proud of you and I look forward to seeing what you do for the future man I appreciate it James God bless you bro