 I recently saw Shni post a Narkane video essay about feeling for powder as a younger sibling, and my immediate response when I saw the thumbnail was, how much I felt for Vai as an older sibling. Now of course I felt for powder, her story is devastating, and as I mentioned in my video on arcane and tragedy, the writers were really ballsy to have her make such a colossal mistake as a child, one where there was no possibility of redemption. The character I most identified with was Vai, and I think a big part of this is because like Vai, I'm a big sister. Before we go any further though, please remember that any thoughts shared in this video are based on my perspective and my experiences. Not all older sibling experiences are universal, and these can vary based on family dynamics, culture and more, so your mileage may vary. Now back to being an older sibling. As a big sister, one of the things that I've always had is a very strong sense of responsibility, and I think this is innate. You are responsible for your younger siblings, sometimes literally, like if you need to babysit, but also in a more abstract sense. Even if your parents didn't ask this of you outright, there's some sense that it's your job to set the example that your siblings will follow. It's your job to make sure they behave if you go out in public, and if they don't, it reflects badly on you. Similarly, there's a sense of protectiveness. You're keeping an eye on things as they join you at school or in extracurricular activities. You might not be able to act on this, especially if there's a small age gap between you, like me and my siblings, but there's always a sense that you could be doing something more. And I see similar patterns coming up for me as I get older outside of the sibling dynamic. In my friendship groups throughout high school and early adulthood, I always took pride in being the one that made people feel safe. I was the one they could talk to, the counsellor, if you like. Similarly, at work I manage team, and I've been managing people for several years now, and I feel a lot of the same things come up as a manager. It's my job to take care of the team. I'm there to listen to issues and help resolve them. I'm there to hopefully help them grow in their careers, and I'm there to provide a layer of protection, a buffer between them and the rest of the company, so that they can do their work well. One of the biggest differences I think there is between being an older and a younger sibling is the sense of having to prove yourself. As a younger sibling, I think there's a big struggle to prove yourself in your worth, to demonstrate that you're not just the baby of the family, but you're capable of more. As an older sibling, I don't think there's that same urge. Yes, you still want your parents to be proud of you. I think this is innate for almost every child, and it's why the end of Mulan always gets me. But when it comes to your place in the world and your capability, I don't think there's the same urge to prove yourself, because by being the eldest, by being the responsible one, you've already done it. Of course, there are downsides of this responsibility. The biggest one is that you never really get the opportunity to let go, to relax. As long as your siblings are there, and that could mean literal siblings or the adult equivalents like friends or colleagues, you can't really let go. You always need to be on, ready to step up to take care of, to guide or defend them. Your needs often come last because your job is often taking care of everyone else. And while that's an honour, it's also a burden because it means you might never be free. In fact, this is one of the reasons why pre-COVID I always craved taking extended backpacking trips. It was the only way I could shed the responsibilities of my life and be free. There can also be a sense that you're the one taking care of everyone else, but there's no one to take care of you, even though that might not be true. The positive side of this is that you become very independent, but the negative side is that you might not be able to ask for help, or even feel like you're allowed to ask for help. As a side note, I think this is one of the things that makes Vyre's and Caitlyn's relationship so powerful, as it's the first time we see Vyre leaning on someone for support. Caitlyn takes care of her when she's injured, and for the first time, Vyre lets herself be taken care of. This establishes a dynamic of them leaning on each other, instead of trying to fix things on their own, which is how they've both approached life before this point. And I see a lot of these older sibling traits reflected in Vyre. We first meet her and Powder at a very young age, walking through the aftermath of a battle that killed their parents. Vyre, as the older sister, is leading the way. She holds Powder's hand to guide her, and Powder is closing her eyes and singing, probably on Vyre's instruction, because Vyre wants to protect her from this. When we next see them they're older, the show doesn't confirm their ages, but I put them around 10 and 4 in the first scene, 16 and 10 in the rest of Act 1, and around 22-24 for Vyre and 16-18 for Jinx after the time skipped to Act 2. So when we catch up with them next, Vyre is in her mid-teens and is the leader of the group. We see her leading a heist in Piltover, leading the kids down to the sewer to escape, and then we see her as the defender. She protects her family from the street bugs. Vyre is the leader because she is the older sister, first of Powder, but later of Milo and Cleggar as well. And also because it's the role she's been given by her adoptive father, Vandah. And this can create a chicken and egg situation, which I think is quite common for older siblings. Are you the leader? Are you the responsible one because it came naturally? Or are you the leader because it's what your parents expect? I think for most people it's probably a combination of the two, and I think the first scene with Vyre and Powder shows us that as she was already leading, but it's interesting to think about and think about how that natural leadership quality might have been exaggerated by Vandah's guidance. So Vyre is a leader, it's her responsibility to guide her siblings, to take care of them and to protect them. And I think she takes this responsibility very seriously, and this is why she's prepared to turn herself over to the enforcers. It's the only way to protect her family, but she is also flawed, like all of us. Not only is she human, but she's also a kid, and because of this it doesn't matter how hard she tries, she's always going to make mistakes. The biggest mistake is arguably when she lashes out at Powder after Powder, unwittingly kills their family. Vyre is shocked when she realizes that Powder caused this destruction. She's just seen Milo and Cleggar get crushed from the bomb blast, and Vandah died saving her from the aftermath. Almost her entire family is gone, and she just discovered that her sister was the one who did it. And she lashes out. Should she? Of course not, she is the older sibling, and Powder is a much smaller and weaker child. Powder also didn't do this intentionally, it was a tragic accident. But Vyre is shocked and grieving, and she's also a kid. It would be hard enough to deal with this sort of situation as an adult, but as a 16 year old? Her actions might be wrong, but they're understandable. They're human. She then leaves Powder, which I think is commendable. Vyre is a grieving child, and it's only when she sees Powder's blood on her hands that she realizes what she's done, and she knows she needs to step back. In this moment I don't think she is choosing to abandon Powder. She is choosing to protect her. She is choosing to be the big sister, the leader, the responsible one. And because she knows she isn't in a good place, she removes herself from the situation to grieve. In this moment, I think Vyre just needs some time. Probably not long, maybe 10 minutes, maybe 30, just to release some of the emotion, take off the edge, let the shock and pain dull just a little so she can put on her big sister hat once more, so she can put her needs aside and take care of Powder's. Like I mentioned earlier, a lot of being the older sibling or the leader is putting her needs aside to take care of others in the moment, and there's probably an overlap with parenting here. However, in an extreme moment like this, it was impossible for her to put her needs aside, not if she wanted to be a good sister. Unfortunately, we know what happens next. Silco approaches Powder, Vyre starts to run back, and she is taken and imprisoned by Marcus. So one of the first times that Vyre put her needs first, the only time I can think of in the show up to this point, it backfired. And Vyre never forgives herself for this, and for the rest of Arcane, all she wants to do is reunite with Powder and make amends. As an older sibling though, one of the things that happens is your younger siblings grow up. They don't need the same guidance and protection, they don't need you to be responsible for them. And then you realise, maybe they never did. But that's just my take, so I'd be curious to hear your thoughts as older or middle or younger siblings in the comments. Please let me know your take on this, if you liked this video please like, and I will see you next time. Bye.