 Lever Brothers Company, makers of swan, the soap that gives you a wonderful new kind of suds presents Our friend swan with my friend Irma Starring Mary Wilson as Irma and Kathy Lewis as Jane Friendship, friendship, just a perfect friendship When other friendships have been forgot, theirs will still be hot Jane Stacey and I live with Irma Peterson You know, they say that we begin to acquire knowledge from the moment we first see the light of day I know it's true because Irma's always going around singing, I am waiting for the sunrise Now don't jump at conclusions because I love Irma Peterson, but it's so hard to make her understand things For instance, the other night we were discussing names The Johnson means son of John and Michelson means son of Michael And Irma Peterson said, gee, then I must be Irma's son of Peter Well those things you just don't fight Especially this lovely Sunday morning when the thoughts of the wonderful time that I had last night are still fresh in my memory Irma, yes Jane? I'm so sorry you weren't with us last night Richard took me to the starlight roof of the Waldorf and we rumbled all evening It was just heavenly. I had a date with Al Yeah, I know. What did you do? Well, Al walked me down Broadway and let me read the news bulletins on the Times building Naturally? What else? Then you know the bus that goes to Chinatown? Yes Al showed me the bus Ah, it's a reckless plunger if ever I saw one What else did you do? Well, then we ran out of money So we went to the park We went to the park and sat on the bench I see You know the poor have fun too Yeah Yeah, I know Irma, but honey, how can you let that no good loafer see you Saturday after Saturday without ever spending a nickel on you? What can I do? Well, at least if you could get him to dance You and Al could go out with Richard and me I'd love a double day But Jane, Al dances Irma, I have seen Al dance with you And when he swings his legs it can only be described as the try for the extra point after a touchdown On a slippery field with a wet ball Well, it's the only step he knows He said he learned it running between railroad ties Well, I don't care what he says, Irma, it's up to you to make Al toe the mark What do you mean? Well, today any half-civilized man can dance the rumba You know how? Why don't you teach him? Well, Jane, I'd love to make him half-civilized, but he's against it Well, I have nothing more to say and you deserve everything you get Hello Hello Jane, this is Richard Oh, how's my favorite boss today? Oh, swell dear Say Jane, keep tomorrow night free Yeah I'm expecting Mr. and Mrs. Delbert Watkins of Chicago He's an important client and I want you to help me entertain them, you know, dinner, dancing Well, that sounds like a lot of fun Well, it would be nice if we had another couple of longs so it wouldn't look so much like business Do you know anyone we might invite? Well, there's Herman Oh, you said dancing Yes, I see what you mean, I remember Al's dancing I thought he was trying to impersonate a wounded grasshopper Well, why don't you call back later, Richard? I'll see what I can do Okay Bye, Richard Bye Then you see, Irma, Richard would love to have you and Al along tomorrow night Honey, now, this is your chance Al's coming here Why don't you spend the afternoon teaching him a simple rumba step Oh, it's no use Al would get tired and the second thing you know, we'll be back on the sofa where he wanted to be in the first place Oh, Irma, I can understand you You like to dance, don't you? Well, certainly Well, I once won a cup in Minnesota dancing the rumba with Harvey Connors I only wish he was here now Oh, he is You mean in New York? Yes, and he's very successful He lives at the YMCA Well, honey, now, that's enough for me, you're going to phone him Oh, no, Jane, please I couldn't go out with another fella That would be going behind Al's back and then I couldn't face him Oh Don't be such a martyr, Irma, you're young, sweetie, and you're pretty Be fair to yourself Now, how long have you known Al? Five years And what has he spent on you in that time? Five years And you're worried about him You know, it just burns me up I never heard of a man so against dancing It's only me, Professor Krovatkin Hello, Janey and Irma, my two little bottle-openers One straight and one screwy Why, Professor? Excuse me, a little joke I picked up in the hardware store Professor, you can help me prove a point with Irma I maintain that every man dances, do you? By me, it's a must You see, Irma, where do you dance, Professor? In my room Heaters broke, fireplace don't work, got to dance to keep warm Why, what's the argument? Oh, there's no argument I'll be back, honey Oh, Jane, you're not going to call Harvey Connors Well, if Al won't take you dancing Harvey Mike Now, I'm not going to let you sit home Goodbye, honey Irma, what's the matter? Oh, Professor, if you were a girl and your boyfriend couldn't dance And you had a chance to go out Would you take it like a man if you were a girl? I'd like to give you a straightforward answer If you could only straighten out the question Well, Jane's going to invite my old boyfriend Harvey To take me dancing And, well, that would be two-timing Al I love Al What shall I do? Well, Irma, there is an old saying What is it? A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush But how does that apply to me? It doesn't This is a saying for bird lovers But you ask your foolish question, you get a foolish answer Oh, Professor, I don't know what to do If I break up with Al, he'll simply go out of his mind Then it will really be a shame Two people so compatible should be apart Oh, see who it is, Professor If it's Al, and I say come in Harvey Harvey won't come in We take no chances Welcome Stranger Stranger, it's me, Al Hello, Professor Hi, Ed chicken Hello, Al, honey Why do you look so tired? Can't sleep That factory across the street is driving me crazy Well, why don't you go to bed early? I do, chicken But that noon whistle wakes me up every morning Speaking of factories I think I'll go back to my room and punch in Punch in? Yeah, the door is stuck Well, as they say in English, pip pip What a language Al, I'm glad of this chance to be alone with you Because I want to talk to you Sure, chicken, what about? Well, if I said it was for my sake Would you learn the rumba? The rumba? Maybe that's for sissies The Park Avenue crowd go for it because they got nothing else to do And have nothing else to do, they get nervous and start to shake First thing you know, they meet another of their kind Who is also shaken Put them together, you got to rumba Oh, Al, you're so selfish All you want to do is sit here on the sofa When we could be dancing Selfish? Chicken, what I'm doing is for the good of my fellow man Let me ask you, how many guys in an orchestra? I don't know About 15, I guess You know how many guys are employed in a sofa factory? Ten thousand Should I put 10,000 guys out of a job just to keep 15 working? No, Al, but we'd have so much fun together Chicken, what's in back of all this? Well, if you would let me teach you the rumba this afternoon We could go out with Jane and Richard and the Watkins tomorrow night Sorry, Irma, not interested No rumba for me I'm not one of them guys who has to keep bouncing up and down Because he ain't got the nerve to look a dame in the eye All right, Al, but don't blame me for what might happen What are you talking about? Well, Al, you're not the only pebble in the sea And there are plenty of fish on the beach Now, look, chicken Just because I won't rumba don't threaten me You're a sweet kid, but take it from me Guys are very scarce nowadays Before you find another guy, it might be a long, long time Who is it? It's me, Harvey Connors My, how time flies Who's that chicken? Oh, Al, it's not my fault You see, Jane said that I... Blame Jane, I'll find out for myself Come here Hello, Irma Gosh, it's been a long time Yes, Harvey I want you to meet Al Al, this is Harvey Hello, Al It's nice to know you Hmm Gee, Harvey, uh... You haven't changed a bit Neither have you Except, uh, you're much prettier Harvey, do you ever hear from any of the folks back home? Just one Remember Tommy Clark? Tommy Clark? Oh, certainly, he was the first fellow I ever kissed Gee, how he could kiss Yeah, nice guy He's a glassblower now If I'm not intruding, bud, why don't you get lost? Lost? Well, Irma's roommate, Miss Stacy Said something about Irma wanting to go to a dance tomorrow night That's why I dropped her on Well, kid, change of plans Sorry you got to rush along, but keep in touch If anything turns up, we'll call you Don't bother to write Oh, wait a minute, Al Harvey's an old friend We won a rumba contest together in Minnesota Didn't we, Harvey? Yes, it's been a long time Since I danced with you Shall we dust off the old insteps And give it a whirl? Hold up there What's wrong, Al? No girlfriend of mine is going to dance With no fast talk and city slicker No, just a minute there Oh, please, Al, now don't make a scene Hi, everybody Hey, what's going on? Oh, Jane, isn't it terrible? They're fighting over me They're fighting? Who? Oh, this must be hard How do you do? Time to get out, Jane Now, wait a minute, Al Irma is entitled to some pleasure And if you don't give it to her She'll get it elsewhere Oh, yeah? Well, not with this guy And how are you going to prevent it? Well, I'll... Say it, Al I'll learn the rumba Oh, Al, thanks I'm sorry, Harvey But thanks for volunteering Oh, perfectly all right, Irma To tell you the truth I'm glad it turned out this way You see, this is the same suit I wore when we won the rumba contest And it's a little tight on me Well, goodbye Goodbye, Harvey Well, Al, I'm glad to see that you're such a good sport Well, don't rub it in I'm going to let Irma teach me today And I'll learn to rumba so good She'll think she's dancing without the Murray Don't be silly, Al If I wouldn't go out dancing with Harvey I'm certainly not going to dance with someone else And now Susie Swan sings to us Listen My advice says Susie You like this brand new kind of lather So be choosy Swan gives you beauty lather Rich as cream Your skin stays soft as any dream And fresh as dew I swan, do you? Says Susie Ah, you're right, Susie Swan And you women will agree that it pays To be choosy about the soap you use for your baths Yes, it pays to use swan soap You see, white floating swan Gives you a wonderful new kind of beauty lather To make every bath tops in enjoyment Sure, you'll enjoy smoothing that rich creamy swan Lather on your skin It feels so soft, so gentle And you'll enjoy the way swan's new kind Of beauty lather cleanses your skin Gently yet so thoroughly Your skin fairly glows with cleanliness And ladies, here's a special note You'll really enjoy the new after-a-bath Feeling you have with swan Because swan rinses away so completely Your skin is left smooth and fresh Not all drawn and over-soaked So how about enjoying a swan bath next time? You'll love swan's wonderful new kind of beauty lather It's been set for Al's first rumboless And the carpet's been rolled up The furniture's been pushed back And the phonograph is poised for the opening gong In this corner, Irma Peterson 115 pounds and ready for action In that corner, Al, 165 pounds And ready to jump out of the window Frankly, I've never seen Irma so happy I just can't get over the radiant look on her face Her expression is that of a mother Who's about to see her child take his first step I have a feeling that Al doesn't want to come to mama Irma? Yes, Jane? Change the needle and the phonograph's all ready Thanks. Are you ready, Al? Look, chicken, I know I promise But why should I learn the rumba The whole mess of charlson steps I've never even used yet Oh, come on, Al Be a good sport I'm anxious to see how you do Because I want to phone Richard if you're joining us We'll show you, come on, Al I feel like I'm going to the dentist Now, Al, first I want you to get to know the rhythm Of the rumba music when you hear it Start the music, Jane Okay Sorry, it's a wrong record You want me to dance or salute? Sorry, Al, here it is It's a wonderful rumba, c'est bonné Oh, hold it just a minute, Jane I want to show Al the correct position for the rumba Now, Al, take my hand Oh, no, not so close Stand back That's it Chicken, if we're going to stand this far apart There's no point in dancing with you I can just call you up on the phone No, Al, that's correct Well, it might be correct, but it ain't fun Now, come on, kids Here goes the music Did you, Al, ready? One, two, three, step No, no, it's a rumba You're not supposed to move the head, the shoulders, or hips Just the feet and the knees, understand? Okay, but do you mind if the rest of me comes along Just for the ride? Go and try it again, Al What, what didn't I do now? When you do the rumba, you don't jump around You stay in one place Can't dance that way, chicken Got to keep moving Why? The joints I go to The pockets will be picked in the first-aid box Oh, chicken, I want to make you happy But I just wasn't cut out for this sissy stuff Oh, don't say that, Al You're graceful Oh, you think so? Oh, certainly And don't forget, you haven't got a career yet You could become a great dancer Never thought of it that way Sure, maybe we could become a team Call ourselves Alan, Irma Those dancing fools Kind of corny, chicken But descriptive Or maybe Alan, Irma A boy and a girl, four legs, that's all Oh, my Al, are you going to dance? Try it once more, let's go How do I get a ticket for now? Well, you keep shaking your head Pretend there's a plate of spaghetti on your head And you don't want to spill it Keep your head erect Gotcha, let's go One, two, three, step One, two, three, step Oh, Al, what are you doing? Sorry, chicken, can't concentrate Getting hungry Keep thinking of that spaghetti on my head Jane, what's the use? You and Richard better go out with a Watkins alone I'm in love with a wallflower Oh, don't say that, chicken, I tried It's just one of them things Some guys is born for the rumba Some guys is born for the sofa Now listen, Al, you promised Irma You made her send Harvey home And you're going to learn if you stay here all afternoon Let me try leading you I'm game Start the music, will you honey? And listen Al, I'm not Jolson And you're not Sunny Boy, so stay off my knees We'll make a definite effort Thank you One, two, three, step One, two, three, murder Sorry, Jane, didn't mean to kick your ankle No, what were you aiming at? All right, let's try it again One, two, three, step One, two, three, step One, two, mother I thought I did pretty good there Yes, you did, at mountain climbing We'd better quit No, you don't Al, between Irma and me Remember, if it kills you, now come on One, two, three, step One, two, three, step One, two, three, step Well girls, how'd I do? Well Irma, say something Jane, speak Well the two of you are just going to lie on the floor like that I'll sit down No, see if you can get plasma Oh, now cut the kidding Jane, I wasn't that bad No, well let me tell you Come on Hello Richard, I was just going to call you Say, what happened to this room? Looks like the super chief's been through here No, we were teaching Al a rumba We're waiting for our battle stars Jane, I don't know what to do about tomorrow night Watkins just wired and he and his wife would like to see the floor show at Bowery Sam's and I can't get a reservation Bowery Sam? Shouldn't be hard to fix Well Al, if there's any way in the world you can swing it, I'd be most appreciative Now Watkins' wife is a little eccentric but he's a big client and you know what that means See what I can do Only one man who can help us Who Al? Who else, but hello Joe Al, got a problem Huh? Why am I out of breath? I was learning the rumba Yeah, it's a dance You know, like fellows in your lander Huh? No, they was never with no today Joe would like to get reservations for a few friends at Bowery Sam's What's the dope? Uh-huh Uh-huh Uh-huh Now hold it Joe No use folks What's wrong? The only way I can get you in is if you're my guest Oh Al, that's wonderful Oh no chicken, Bowery Sam's a classy place No use me gone Jane would be embarrassed, I can't rumba Who says you can? You did Oh Al, I was just kidding you Oh yeah? How about when I kicked you in the ankles? Uh, well that's the latest step Al They're doing that all over Bolivia Is that right Richard? Yes, yes and parts of the Argentine I saw it way over in Jersey You're not kidding me Of course not Al I knew I had talent, I didn't think it worked so fast Okay, I'll fix it up right now Hello Joe, Al Coming over with party of six tomorrow night Eh? No you don't have to worry Somebody in the crowd will pay Goodbye Joe Well, it's all set Now look Richard, I want this understood If I go along, I want to pay my own way Oh no, I wouldn't think of it Okay Come on Irma, sit with me down the corner while I get my shoes shined I want to look good tomorrow night But Al, why don't you wait until tomorrow night to have them shined Got the dime in the shoes now, don't know what the future will bring Alright, goodbye Jane and Richard Bye Bye kids Jane, do you think we were right in kidding Al into believing he could do the rumba? You know that Bolivian step? Oh, it can't do any harm Dear, and what's most important it'll give Irma a chance to have a good time She's been home so much Alright, just as long as it can't do any harm Now we finally got to Bowery Sam's but not before I almost had a nervous breakdown Irma couldn't decide what dress to wear and she finally chose an evening gown with a neckline so low I'm sure the dressmaker had a stand in the hole to sew it Al? Well, Al looked rather naughty and a rented tuxedo Took Richard and me quite a time to convince him that he'd look just as sporty without wearing black and white shoes Of course I told Al and Irma to be on their very best behavior because we don't want to do anything that would embarrass Richard and his guests, the Watkins Well anyway, Mr. Watkins is seated at my right We're all at a ringside table Uh, Mr. Watkins Yes, Miss Stacy I see you like champagne Indeed How about you, Miss Peterson Gets up my nose and tickles me Oh, Mrs. Watkins is very charming, Del Well, thank you, Richard Before she comes back from the powder room I'd like to tell you that she's just come out of the hospital Oh dear, how unfortunate Well, between us, I think it's purely imaginary Helen is sure that she has a stomach ailment If I can only get her mind off it I might start to enjoy life Here she comes Well, here I am again See, that's a rumba You care to roam, Mrs. Watkins? Al! Oh, well, I haven't danced in quite a while You don't do too many fancy steps No, I do the Bolivian rumba Come on, Mrs. Watkins Oh, no Oh, Jane, isn't it wonderful? This will give Al confidence This will really give her a reason to go to the hospital Oh, Richard, what do we do? I warned you Oh, don't worry, Jane Look at Mr. Watkins He's not nervous No, then why is he putting ketchup in his champagne? Erma, I can't look I just can't look What is Al doing now? I think it's a fancy step No, he tripped her Is she hurt? I don't know, she's not up yet I'm spitting her Jane, is that also done in Bolivia? Only in the unexplored part Richard, I'm sorry I'm sorry Oh, Jane, they're coming off the floor Is she still walking? Yes On her hands or her feet? Well, here we are back Darling, you're all right? I never felt better This sweet fool kept kicking me in the ankle So much I forgot all about my stomach Well, that sounds like my old hell And here, honey I know you haven't had to drink a champagne In six months, but how about a drink? Certainly, dear Oh, don't bother pouring It just hands me the bottle Oh, I'm sorry It just hands me the bottle And Richard, about that 50,000 shares of United Double the order Thanks, Del Oh, Al That was nothing Where do I find out what they're doing in Peru? I found the bathtub half full of water And several bars of swan's soap floating in it While Irma was busy piling rocks In one end of the tub She had me for a minute Then finally I asked for an explanation And Irma said I want the swans to have a place to dry off When they're through swimming Oh, that Irma She just won't make sense about swan Except when she insists That swan is the perfect soap for bathing And that's good sense in anybody's language Because white floating swan's soap Gives you a wonderful new kind of beauty lather To make your bath a real beauty bath Sure, for one thing Swan's new kind of lather is so mild So gentle It's kind of even the most delicate skin And the way this new kind of beauty lather Feels against your skin So rich, so soft Such a relaxing bath Yes, you'll really enjoy a bath with swan, ladies And you'll love the way your skin feels After a swan bath, too Because swan rinses away so completely There's none of that tight, over-soaked feeling Instead, your skin is left fresh and radiant So for a real beauty bath Try swan's wonderful new kind of beauty lather Next time, won't you? Well, and Bolivia Everything turned out just wonderfully But our apartment is no longer the same Every moment that Al and Irma are together The phonograph is going and the joint is jumping In fact, yesterday I said Irma, you know You and Al are fanatics about this rumba Why don't the two of you ever sit on the sofa? And Irma said Oh, Al says that's for kids We have time for that when we grow up And you know the one person who will still be a kid at nighty Will be my friend Irma My friend Irma, presented by swan Another fine product of Lever Brothers Company Was produced and directed by Cy Howard Tonight's script was written by Cy Howard and Park Levy Folks, next Monday evening Tune in an hour earlier Over most of these same stations For the Luxe Radio Theater And then stay tuned to listen to Our friend, Swan With my friend Irma Starring Mary Wilson as Irma And Kathy Lewis as Jane Hans Conrad was Professor Kropotkin Mary Wilson can soon be seen in the Eagle Lion release Then to be good Ladies, listen The shortage of fats and oils is still very serious And it's worldwide So please, keep on saving every single drop of used kitchen fat Your butcher will pay you for every pound Frank Bingman speaking It's SPRY And it's one bold method for the most delicious cakes ever For no other type shortening Has SPRY's marvelous cake improver Try SPRY Tune in again to my friend Irma Next Monday evening at this same time This is CBS The Columbia Broadcasting System