 I'm reading excerpts from Crushed, and Crush is my graphic novel that's coming out next spring, and it's about my adoption, the subsequent mental health challenges that I faced due to the adoption, and then my return home to the Philippines. Ugly, little. Don't run from me. 15 hours later, Pacific Ocean. Love? Nick? Hmm, what? You're having a nightmare. Are you okay? Oh, sorry. Don't say sorry. Here, drink some water. We're about to land. Less than 30 minutes. You missed a terrible kung fu movie, had hella dragons and Wu Tang. It's stuck. Careful. Ah! Need help? It's okay. Were you able to sleep? Kinda. I'll sleep in my bro's car after he picks us up. I can't stand these bags under my eyes. Love? Nick, you're so pretty. You're nervous? Um, smooch. Don't be. This is gonna be hella fun. You'll get to know them. We're in the Philippines. I get to meet your whole family. What's there to be nervous about? That they won't like me. Really, I felt like there was a little girl with me, scared and nervous, except she didn't seem little at all. She was enormous, stronger than me. For now, the term helps to give shape to another kind of reality, experiences that resemble phenomena but aren't imagined. So there's a slide missing. There was a reference to dissociation. I wanted to sing with my family. Talk, laugh, but the little girl would yank me back and tuck me safely in her pocket. Be careful. Be careful. Be careful. Business or pleasure. Family. So both. Ha. Welcome home, sir. And your wife, Nicole? Nicole? Nicole? Nicole, do you speak Tagalog? Do you have family here? Huh? Therapists have many explanations for these kinds of experiences. None of these explanations make the experiences stop. I tried my best to implement the skills Catherine taught me. Over the years, I grew more aware of when they were happening and what triggered them. But at the beginning of this trip, I was a kid again, constricted in a drift like one of those sea turtles trapped in plastic rings. Fuck, it's hot. Jasmine, ma'am, water, chocolate. Please, ma'am, please. I'm sorry. I don't have money. There he is. We gotta push through. Don't worry. Hold my arm. Hot, hot. Aren't you dying in your sweater? I can't really feel anything. Why the hell am I still wearing this? Hoi, my baby brother, all grown up. Welcome home. Your wife? He pod. Andres really misses you, missed you. Thank you for picking us up. Hey, is your car running? Ah, shit, yes. Here, I'll carry these. How long has it been since you've been home? Home? Andres' eyes lit up when his brother arrived. He looked at home with his brother. I wondered what that was like. I have an adoptive sister named Marie. We were raised together. But we don't smile like that when we see each other. Thank you so much for picking us up in the middle of the night and driving us to my family's town. I know it's not easy. Thank you again. You say thank you a lot, he pod. Don't, no need. Shit, it's been 20 years. Malaga, right? Yep, that's where she was born. They hadn't seen each other in decades. Maybe that's all it was. Then maybe that's how my first family will feel when they see me. It's beautiful there. No tourists. I hoped. Thank you very much.