 J-E-L-L-O! The Jell-O program starring Jack Benny with Mary Livingston, Phil Harris, Kenny Baker, and yours truly, Don Wilson. The orchestra opens a program with Hooray for Hollywood. You get a sort of tingling in your toes at this time of the year, a longing to get out and watch things grow. Well, here's one swell way to save time indoors so that you can get outdoors. Serve Jell-O for dessert and serve it often. The Jell-O is amazingly quick and easy to prepare, one of the simplest desserts you can make. It dissolves instantly and sets quickly, while you can pop it into your refrigerator before you go out in the morning and have a grand dessert ready for lunch or dinner. And the Jell-O is always attractive, always delicious. It's crammed with extra-rich flavor, lots and lots of it, as tempting and refreshing as the real ripe fruit itself. Every time you serve it, it's a brand-new treat, a dessert the family always welcomes. When you buy, just be sure to get genuine Jell-O. Look for those big red letters on the box. They spell Jell-O, and Jell-O spells a treat for Hollywood played by the orchestra. And now, ladies and gentlemen, this being Mother's Day, we bring you that little old lady, Jack Benny. Thank you. Thank you. Jell-O again. This is Jack Benny talking, and before going any further, I wish mothers everywhere a happy holiday. You know, Don, I thought I was cute. You're calling me a little old lady, although I didn't quite get the inference. Well, Jack, I meant that as a compliment. Oh. You're always so neat and meticulous. Every little detail must be perfect. Everything you do must be just so. In other words, Don, I'm a fuss-budget. Exactly. Don, I may run my finger across the piano keys to see if they're dusty, and I may spank my cat for joining a lonesome club. But I'm not a fuss-budget. Am I married? No, I'm not a fuss-budget. What about that sign you got on the front door of your house? What sign? Please take shower before entering. Mary, that's Rochester's fault. It should be by my swimming pool. Anyway, that still doesn't justify Don's introduction. I'm not an old lady. Go on. I saw you crossing Hollywood Boulevard yesterday and a boy scout was helping you. Well, it was the rush hour. You know, Phil Hollywood Boulevard is a pretty busy street. It's quite dangerous crossing it. Why don't you wait for the lights? If he could see the lights, he wouldn't need a boy scout. Never mind. I think the boy scout movement is a great institution. In fact, I used to be one myself. I belong to the Panther Patrol in Waukegan. Also, you were a boy scout, huh? Yeah. You know, Jack, when I was a kid, I belonged to the Beaver Patrol in Denver. No kidding. Say, Phil, were you ever a boy scout? No, I went right from the cradle into the Elks. I believe you. You know, Phil, you haven't gotten near the sentiment that Don has or I have or the rest of the gang. Oh, I don't know. Well, I bet you didn't even send a present today to your sweet old mother down in Tennessee. He did, too, Jack. I was in the store with him when he bought it. You're darn right. Well, that's a surprise. What'd he get for his mother, Mary? A brand-new corn cob pipe. Hmm. She'll love it. Well, I guess they're all the rage in the hills. They fill, do your folks still live in Possum Junction? No, they moved to Grubhalla for the feud and season. Oh, it's lovely there, then, with the shotguns all in bloom and the mountain dew behind every stump. Oh, it's wonderful. Oh, cut it out, Jack. You're making me homesick. I'm sorry, Phil. Anyway, I'm very happy that you remembered your mother today. Say, Jack, you know, I sent my mother a present, too, a lovely bottle of perfume. Perfume, eh? Yes. Potion Park. Oh. Phil says it's great stuff. Phil, what's he got to do with it? His guitar player makes it. Oh, he does. You know, Phil, you've got the only musicians in the world that could go into some other business tomorrow, and I wish they would. Well, fellas, let's get down to work. We've got a long play to do tonight, and I think we better get going. Jack, what are you talking about? Well, what do you think I'll be talking about, Kenny, today of all days? Your new picture. I wasn't. I was not. I'm surprised at you, Kenny. Don't you know what day this is? Oh, why don't you give him a hint, Jack? This is a tough one. Tough one? Why, everybody should know who we're dedicating this day to, especially a young fellow like him. Kenny, who made you wash behind your ears when you were a kid? Nobody. I had curls. There you are. Look, Kenny, it's somebody's day today. Now, who do you go to when you're in trouble and everybody else has failed you? Who do you go to? Oh, I know. Mervyn Leroy. Well, I give up. Try and give that kid a hint. Well, maybe I can help you, Jack. Now, Kenny, when you want a real tempting and delicious dessert, who goes to the kitchen and prepares a dish of jello for you? My mother, Mrs. J. Hutch-Kiss Baker. Hurray! So, you see, ladies and gentlemen, jello has not only helped Kenny find out what day this is, but it is also economical, easy to make, and comes in six delicious flavors, strawberry, raspberry, cherry, orange, lemon, and lime. Thanks, Don, for helping me out. And incidentally, that was a smooth a bit of wool as it had been pulled over these old eyes and many a moon. And now, folks, Kenny Baker will sing, what are you going to sing, Kenny? For my mother, which I prepared especially for this occasion. Go ahead. Hey, wait a minute. If you had a song prepared for your mother, how could you walk in here not knowing what day this is? I didn't walk. I skipped in. Oh, that explains it. Sing, Kenny. I see the light of heaven in your eyes, Mother Deal. The brightness of the sun in your smile, Mother Deal, the magic of God, Master Deal, I'm thankful for the time, I'm thankful to that God and you chose me. Each night I say a prayer for you. I'm... Mother, sung by Kenny Baker. That was a beautiful number, Kenny, and a sweet thought. And now, ladies and gentlemen, as we announced last week for our feature attraction tonight and our bid for the Academy Award, we bring you our version of Mr. Pandro S. Berman's great RKO Super Spectacle, a drama based on that immortal classic, an inspiring masterpiece dedicated to that brave and fearless hero, Gunga Dean. Thank you, Mr. Berman. This story is about a boy called Gunga Dean who went through life wearing nothing but a loincloth. Say, Jack, what's a loincloth? A loincloth, Kenny, is a sarong with an inferiority complex. Now our play opens in the thriving little town of East Cobra, India, which is just three wiggles and a hiss from Calcutta. I will play the part of Gunga Dean, that heroic young Hindu lad, that heroic young Hindu lad who saved his regiment, Phil, I wish you'd tell your piano player to stop using that electric razor while I'm talking. It's very annoying. Well, he needs a shave. Oh, he does. Well, why doesn't he shave at home? He hasn't been home in three weeks. Oh. Anyway, I will be that heroic lad who served his regiment at the cost of his life. My landlord's in town. Phil, I'm announcing our play. Now this will go on. Say, Jack, am I going to be in it? Yes, Mary, you're going to be the entire spirit and mood of our story. You will interpret the action of the play as it goes on by reciting that famous poem by Rudyard Kipling. What poem? Mary, you remember? You're a better man than I am. Who is that? Anybody. It is not. It's Gunga Dean. And you're going to recite it for us. Gee, then I better start writing it. You don't have to write it. It's already written. Kipling wrote it. Wrote what? Hold tight and go back to sleep. So in our play tonight, folks, we will take you to India, the land of mystery and enchantment, where moonlight spreads its silvery glow over the Ganges, where in solitary splendor stands the incomparable Taj Mahal. What was that? The piano player just talked himself into a shampoo. Phil, Phil, why don't your boys clean up on their own time? Well, they're busy, Jack. Don't forget we had a rehearse before the program. Rehearse? Oh, yes, I saw your boys here this morning and Phil, it would be a grand idea if they rehearse with their instruments. I think your theory of shadow boxing in music is entirely wrong. Now where was I? Oh, yes, the time of our drama is the year 1900 or thereabouts. Oh, Jack, have you got a part for me in this play? Well, Don, I didn't know just what to do with you. We need animals, but you're too small for an elephant and too big for a mongoose. It's quite a problem. Gee, I'd love to be in it. Couldn't I be a hippopotamus? Well, Don, you're hippie enough and you certainly have a large potamus. Oh, we'll find something for you. Now the scene of our drama is the home of Mrs. Dean, where she lives with her three sons, Dizzy, Daffy, and Gunga. The Dean family. What's the matter with Sarr? Sarr? Yes, Sarr, Dean. Sarr scores again. Oh, Phil, look. Isn't that awful, Sarr, Dean? Phil, the next time you pull an ad lib like that, I'm going to put maple syrup in your hair curlers. What a gag. Listen, Jack, I pull that kind of stuff all the time at the Wilshire Bowl. I know, that's why they took off the cover job. Mary, did you ever go to the bowl and hear Phil pull those gags of his? Yeah, the waiters all wear ear muffs. Well, I don't blame them. The customers ought to wear ear muffs, too. And now, folks. Is it cold in there? Oh, quiet. Now, our play, Gunga Dean, will go on immediately after a selection by the orchestra. Hey, Phil, play something apropos, you know, something that will put us in the right spirit for India. Okay, how about Shaharazada by Rimsky-Korsakov? Phil, just play Tiger Rag, I'm in no mood to gamble. Look who wants to play Shaharazada by Rimsky-Korsakov. Well, he certainly surprised me. Surprised you? I didn't even play it. Nobody pronounced it. It was quite a feat. I bet he doesn't even know the first eight bars of it. I don't, eh? Get this, Jackson. Shaharazada, Shaharazada, Zada, Zada, Zing, Zing, Zing. There you are. Did you hear that, Mary? I didn't think he knew it. No. Get it. Anyway, Phil, go ahead with whatever you're going to play. Okay. Hold it a minute. Hello? Hello, Mr. Benny, this is Rochester. Rochester, we're just starting our play, so call me back later. I won't be here later. Oh, what's the matter now? Is it Carmichael again? Boss, I don't mind making your bed and pressing your pants, but when you expect me to teach that polar bear to roll a skate, I quit. Well, you've got to teach him to skate. I'm going to be off the air this summer, and that's part of our vaudeville act. Benny and Carmichael, humor on wheels. Now look, Rochester, it's very simple. The first step with Carmichael is to strap the skates on them. Uh-huh. The second step is to give them a little push. Uh-huh. And the third step is to get out of town before it's too late. Oh, Rochester, what's the matter with you? Carmichael is very good at tricks. You taught him to bring in the mail, didn't you? Yeah, but this morning he brought in the mailman. The mailman, I refuse to believe it. Where do you see the news reel? Well, I'll apologize to Mr. Jensen when I see him. I'll be home right after the broadcast, Rochester, so long. Goodbye. Oh, say, boss, I forgot to tell you, Carmichael's been after the goldfish again. I caught him this morning with his paws in the bowl. And he was after the goldfish? He wasn't waiting for a manicure. Well, don't worry about it. He was just playing with the fish. He won't eat them. I don't know about that. He had a napkin around his neck. All right, now don't bother me anymore, Rochester. We've got an important sketch to do. Meanwhile, try and get along with Carmichael. Goodbye. Goodbye. I'm going to get myself a good lawyer and bump that animal home. Oh, hang up. More trouble getting my act ready. I'll teach that beard a roller skate or my name ain't Tony Pasquale. Pay, Phil. That was Tiger Rag played by Phil Harris and his orchestra. And now, ladies and gentlemen, without further ado... That was not Tiger Rag. That was Hindustan. Oh, yeah. Well, I'll leave it to our studio audience. They've all gone home. Hmm. I told the man to lock the door. Well, anyway, here we go with our sensational and thrilling melodrama, Gungadine. The locale, as I said before, is the little town of East Cobra, India. Curtain. Music. Take it, Mary. Now, in India's sunny time, where I used to spend my time, I knew a Hindu boy called Gungadine. His figure was appalling. He had arches that had fallen. And a face that looked just like a soup terrine. Hmm. It was Dean, Dean, Dean. Take it, Jack, and see you keep it clean. I will. Scene one, the home of Mrs. Dean. My goodness, it's seven o'clock already. Why doesn't that boy get up? Oh, Ganga. Ganga. Yes, Ma, what are you, Wanga? Come downstairs and eat your breakfast. Now, hurry. I'm coming. Darn that crocodile. I'm always stumbling over him. Go away, Fido. Say, Ma, how do you like my new loincloth? Now, Ganga, who ever heard of wearing suspenders with a loincloth? Well, I don't trust my fraternity pin. You know me. Well, you can't wear them. People will laugh at you when you're entertained in the marketplace today. Let them laugh. I'm tired of being a Hindu faker anyway. Walking on hot coals is all right, but there's no future in it. Never mind, my son. Being a magician is a very good trade. Oh, yeah? Look what happened to Papa. He climbed up a rope one day. That's the last anybody ever saw of him. I didn't mind that so much, but there was a blonde with him. That's Papa all right. Well, I guess I'll eat my breakfast. Oh, there's the phone. Hello? Hello, Ganga. Rasta Mayan, Bohat Kush Lair Runner. Gildi Acha Boot Tem Keral Wally. Sokareka. Okay, goodbye. Papa, you want some more rope? I'll bring it to him later. Now, sit down, son, and eat your ground glass before it gets cold. Ground glass again. Every morning for breakfast, it's ground glass. Why can't I swallow a sword once in a while? You're too bent over. Well, I got straightened up for a nice juicy sword. Oh, stop complaining. What's the matter with you anyway? You might as well know it, Ma. I'm not going to be a magician any longer. I'm going to join the army. The army? Yes, I enlisted yesterday in the Bengal Lancers. Why, Ganga, how can you get in the army? You've got flat feet, and your chest is a little floy-floy too. Well, I don't have to be strong. I'm going to be a bugler. I bought a horn the other day. Listen to this. There, how's that? Hadasabuga. That's a good thing you said that in Hindu. Well, if you want to know something, Ma, I played my bugle on Major Gandhi's amateur hour last night. Well, how did you make out, Ganga? You got the Ganga. You're not in this. Oh. Well, Ma, I'm leaving now. I'm off to join the regiment. And someday you're going to be proud of me. So long, Ma. So long, Ganga! That's his mommy, and went to join the army, a servant of Her Majesty the Queen. Now we find him in the Lancers without his coat and pants, and his bright new bugle slowly turning green. It burns me up. I gotta guarantee with it. It was green, green, green. You're in the army now, you jellybean. Hmm. Scene two, the barracks of the Seventh Bingo Lancers. Seventh Lancers, Captain Harris speaking. Hello, Harris is Major Wilson. What's on your mind, Mage? Ah, look here, Harris. Every day the native bandits are out killing and plundering, and you're not doing a thing about it. You gotta put a stop to this immediately, or I'll send you back to Grubhollow. Well, tell me, Mage, where'll I find them bandits? Well, somebody may be listening, so I'll give it to the encode now. Take this guy. Okay. Strawberry, raspberry, cherry, big red letters, orange, lemon, six delicious on the box, lime. Have you got that? Yeah. Then carry on. Goodbye. Hey, Dean! Dean! Yes, Captain Harris? Stop jamming and come in here. Okay. I want to see you, too, Private Baker. Aye, aye, sir. And don't say aye-aye. You're not in the Navy, you know. Then why am I wearing your sailor suit? Because you're just gobs of fun. Ha-ha! Oh, gun, gun! Well, I can't help it. Corn is catching. Why'd you send for us, Captain? Now listen, boys, the Mage just gave me a buzz, and he was hotter than a torch. He said them bandits are javin' again. Javin'? Yeah, and they've been cutting a rug once too often. Well, gee, Captain, can't we get them in the groove? Nah, they're half-bud. But if we can get them on the downbeat, they'll take it on the lamb, and we'll be right back on the beam. Hmm. I don't even understand that, and I'm a Hindu. What are you getting at, Captain? Just this, gun-ga. I want you and Baker to cross the desert, go up in the mountains, and see if you can locate the hideout of the bandits. Yes, sir. And remember, fellas, if you succeed, I'll give you a medal. Just like the one I'm wearing right here. Oh, boy! Fine medal, Jean Autry fan club. Well, all right, Captain, we'll go now. Come on, Baker, we gotta cross that desert. Okay, you take the high road, and I'll take the bus. We gotta travel together and on foot. Follow me, Baker, and we'll find the hideout of those bandits or perish in the attempt. Hold on, Captain. So long, suckers! Hmm, fine encouragement. So gun-ga left with Baker, gosh, how their feet will acre on that hot and burning sand so far away. I'll bet you that their bunions will be crying just like onions before they reach the bandits' hideaway. Oh, I'll make it. For it's Dean, Dean, Dean, with buzzards flying high above your beams. With your courage and your daring and that smile you're always wearing, you're a better man than I am, Bobby Breen. What? It was Breen, Breen, Breen. That's enough. Scene three, the desert, five days later. Five days in this infernal desert. Five days without water. Five long, blistering days. It's pretty hot at night, too. I can't stand it, Baker. I'm going crazy. Crazy, I tell ya. I'm going mad. Me, too. Water. Water. Here, have some of my potato chips. I don't want any potato chips. My throat is parched. I want water. Water, I tell ya, water. I don't think I can go on much longer. Hey, gun-ga, our troubles are over. Look at that sign. Where? Right there. Palm Springs, 9,000 miles. We'll never make it. Oh, this heat. This relentless burning heat. Well, it'll never end. I can't walk, Baker. Each step is torture. Water. Water. I don't think I can go on much longer. You said that already. I know. What are we going to do, Baker? What are we going to do? Oh, wait. Look. Look up ahead. There's an osis. That's oasis. But you're right. Come on, let's make one last desperate effort to get there. Okay. Drink. Drink. Drink. That's what I want. Lemonade. Get your ice-cold lemonade here. Ice-cold lemonade. Did you hear that, Baker? Oh, boy. Get your ice-cold lemonade. I'll have a glass, buddy. How much is it? Nothing. I'm a mirage. It's the first mirage I ever saw with a door. Let's stagger on, Baker. Look. Look at those buzzards circling overhead. They're waiting for us, Baker. They're waiting for us, I tell ya. Yes. But they'll never get us. Keep your chin up. Remember, we're banger lancers. I'll try. I'll try. If I don't go crazy first. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Yes, you see, Baker, I'm going mad. Me, too. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Don't enjoy it so much. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Hey, look. What's that coming toward us? Where? Right there. Why, it's a polar bear. And it's on roller skates. Looks like Carmichael. I know I was going crazy. I'm delirious delirious. It's another mirage. Mirage nothing boss He's got me down to a loincloth, too. Oh my goodness Take it Mary. So we leave them on the desert till next week on Sunday night Will they reach their destination? Will they die without a fight? Well tune in next Sunday evening, and you'll find out I hope that gunga is a hero and that baker is a dope That's right. So it's dope dope dope nevermind play Phil A couple of weeks ago, I made a confession I told you that I never used to be very fond of salads that is until Jell-O salads change my mind Well since then we've had a number of requests for more salad ideas So tonight we're bringing you another new one pineapple date salad and you can just take my word for it It's swell. Here's the way to make it dissolve one package of lemon Jell-O and one pint of hot water Chill until slightly thickened and then fold in one cup of diced canned pineapple and one cup of watered dates Mold and confirmed then serve on crisp lettuce with creamy golden mayonnaise. It's a grand combination rich dates tangy pineapple and that real true Extra-rich fruit flavor of lemon Jell-O that's just perfect for salad You can serve your pineapple date salad as a two-in-one course salad and dessert and the whole family will enjoy it So ask your grocer tomorrow for lemon Jell-O and try this delicious new recipe This is the national broadcasting company