 Why 254? Imagine a very good evening to you. How are you doing this day? I hope you've been having a wonderful wonderful day today is the 28th of March and Can you believe the month is coming to an end? It's still so hard to believe but we are here and we thank God my name is Sherry blessing and I am your host tonight on the power talk show and Based on this season because Easter is just right around the corner much has been a long long month and you may be Tarak at a Tunisian or what's going on? We want to have a conversation centered around the season of Easter last week We had a conversation about self-forgiveness How can we heal and move on from our past identities and this week? We want to focus on forgiveness work what what to around us? How can we build trust particularly after it has been broken by someone but you forgive them You know it's so hard for us as human beings to let go and release people who've broken our trust and This evening on the power talk show. I want us to understand how we can rebuild trust Particularly after we have forgiven someone who broke it and joining me live on set a two guests who are very well vast in this conversation and Immediately to my far left. We have Alan Lawrence who is not even a guest here Caribou sana It's a pleasure and Alan is a relationship coach as well as an author and you've released a new book Which we will get into as we progress to the conversation Yeah, and right next to Alan. We have the beautiful patience Shalom Who is now a guest here for the first time, but we hope at a quapato of the family? Patience you're a journalist as well as a poet Yeah, that's very impressive. I've met very few poets in my lifetime. You're going to meet many after this Yeah, you better introduce me to a few because I love the art of poetry And it's such a wonderful It's I love the cast Colorful we excited Quota one year twenty-twenty-four mesh edge image at we won't feel like to you know Moka in a Kimby already Yeah My twenty-twenty-four has been amazing. I was actually checking my Instagram highlight every year I read twenty-twenty-four then everything I do in a post-haboo. So just when I was checking it was full Then I must think myself what have I been doing and it's just much It's just much done a lot. I'd say twenty-twenty-four is going so well with me That's amazing and we love to hear that because you know at least Moka, Kendele, Visori Our goals and yet to live if we are really checking them as we progress. That's what matters So I want us to have this conversation particularly on building trust after someone broke it But to Mimsameha, you've not held this person You've released them and you've forgiven them But is it possible for you to build trust after it has been broken by someone? So I want you to go on our social media platforms at Y-2-5-4 go on Twitter Which is now X I find it so hard to get away from Twitter You can go on X Facebook and Instagram We have made a post and I want you to let me know what is your opinion on this conversation We will sample that as we progress But I think to kick start because this is on of Easter. It's all about forgiveness Jesus has died. He's about to die rather You know tomorrow and then we start the season of Easter and So many people have so many cultures and religions as well because Sai Ramadhan is also in progress And that's also about forgiveness and letting go of maybe past sins and all that. I want us to to Get it. What's what is forgiveness Alan when we talk about forgiveness. What does that mean to you? It is a point of you choosing your own piece over anything that will happen around you Many people around you can be able to heartbreak you many people around you can be able to offend you But the power for the power to make the offense getting to you is solely on you So you have the sole decision to be able to make to choose the piece around you So it's kind of the environment that you want yourself to live in because each and every moment We are offended but it is upon you now. How do you turn the offense to become something positive and to you? Yeah, I like that because now it becomes it's a choice Yeah, that you make and that's I think that that informs our conversation Because it's either you choose to forgive or you choose to hold on to the grudge and everything that has been done against you and patients Along the same lines. Do you think because good a crime Zenyam turn off any anger collect? Who you attack with him some a hair, but do you think everyone deserves forgiveness? Everyone Yeah, everyone deserves forgiveness because okay if you look in the holy book It says you should forgive others so that God will forgive you So but it tends to be so hard at times when someone has done a very big mistake to you And you can't just forgive but I believe the first step is acceptance So if you just accept, you know what I mean because they are so just to add or just to echo What he has said, it's all about you at the end of the day. It's about me So I'll just keep thinking and having a lot of caring a lot of Should I see anger in me and who don't you mean because there and I live too freely So no, he's not even thinking about you or anything. So but me opinion equal na feel I'm guilty I'm so angry just because of him So I believe it's just acceptance and then when you accept you have to you know what? Let me just let go because it's me. I'm getting angry I'm not focusing on myself and yeah And I like that you've brought that out because I know so many people who I'm a Shikili I'm took what oh, yeah, well like so-and-so cassette me in 2018 But this person has moved on their life is continuing But you're still holding on to what someone did a few years back So last week we were having a conversation about self forgiveness the importance of you forgiving yourself because we all grow We all make mistakes and it's important to let go of that identity So let's let's start from there because self-forgiveness already Ningumusana, but how can we get to a point of self-forgiveness? Do we need awareness? Do we need info? How can we get there Alan? What do you think can lead us to self-forgiveness? number one thing is You know you can never forgive unless you have proper information about yourself unless you are self-aware So it is very important you appreciate the person in the mirror We live a life whereby people are so much bitter with themselves That is why you find people hurting other people. That's why we call them sadists So you find this person because they are not comfortable in their own skin The only time they feel comfortable is them imposing pain unto you So if this person is self-aware of what they are what they are dealing with because you can never arrest what you know So you got to be realistic with the person in the mirror So get proper information get in touch with yourself with yourself so much That is why it is very important to do a lot of self-introspection Have time with yourself have time to critique yourself positively even write down Have a paper and have a pen and a paper write down your weaknesses Write down your strength so that you can be able to work on it and find accountable people around you to work The journey with you. It's not an easy thing But you got to be very very very much intentional because not unless you are very intentional about it You will end up bleeding on people and yet these people did not hurt you. It is all about you as an individual Yeah, and I like the way you've driven that point home because so many times we do not sit down with ourselves We want to say But that you have played a role in whatever situation and that's the thing that most people deal with I'm willing to say patience wronged me, but then I'm not willing to Mention the part I played in that situation People are permitted to hurt to hurt break you and to do anything Yeah, but the power to take it as a heart or to take it as a lesson is solely on you So it is about me is not about the other person Which is so important because if you can forgive yourself then it makes it that much easier to forgive someone else Yeah, and now I wonder because patience you brought in an important point on acceptance being the first step You have to have acceptance within Who say may situation in Asia happen? Do you think that takes maturity? Because sometimes when we really reflect on our life back in maybe primary school Okay, come tell me baby amandasina And you hold on to this person for years and years just because of one small detail Do you think it takes maturity for you to get to a point where you sit down and you can really reflect on the situation and say? I made the mistake here or this person. Yes made the mistake, but I'm willing to forgive and move on Yeah, it takes a lot of Maturity you have to just as he said sit down and respect yourself and for example Maybe the situation you are beefing over is not a big thing So maybe you can call the other party and you talk and you talk it out and you know unafika point ah This is what it will equal right? It's just that we were seeing things from different perspectives. You see so it takes a lot of maturity to Sit down and and listen to the other person and make them know What's a tunic or something here? I'm I just let this thing go and maybe People who are much grown than us Then they don't maybe if they are Beefing with the younger generation. They'll see we are the mistake They wouldn't want to understand our side of the story So I believe as much as this maturity we just have to sit down and talk it out Doesn't matter the age of this and this and this my point and your point can be the same thing if we sit down and talk I like that because you know, that's one thing people never do or they do it But not as often Sitting down and having a conversation after the fact that the mistake has happened because as you've said so many times It's just a misunderstanding Maybe I came from a point of frustration and anger and you picked it up from a point of this person wants to fight And that is where conflicts arise from because once you can't sit down and have a conversation Then you can't have clarity on the matter and the fact that you've even brought in the old and the younger generation to end up with specific interest in Kwanzaa You say that the way you're growing up I used to joke with a friend of mine about Senyum says you're not correct and then you hold on to that you like they don't like me They don't want me to live my life But it's because you do not understand their perspective and they're trying to help you and you're just too young to realize that Do you think we have to sit down with our parents because you know so many people have been hurt from The family home from the childhood and throughout their lives First of all Alan Do you think it's possible for you to sit down and have a conversation with your parent and tell them? Nikki grow up I felt like this this and this situations really made me feel bad and it traumatized me Okay, the challenge most of us If you want to advise our parents you can never advise a parent you can only suggest to a parent and Another challenge we can highlight is we are not having a conversation to talk to our parents. We are talking at our parents So whereby a parent's a parent might have hurt me But the only way not to go to social media The only way not to go to discuss with the other people or not a kurushi and a man and whereby now I'm not I'm not suggesting to a parent. For example, how do I suggest to a parent when the situation has cooled down Talk to them and be like mom. I was thinking supposing this situation to gay handle this way a piece to their ego But the challenge with us, especially as the gen Z's or whatever. We want to be like Manzeungan it's really heavy heavy. So a parent will be rebellious. You understand. So and also I want to our parents our parents also need not to police us They need to advise us now For us we need to suggest to them and them they need to advise us And the best way for them to advise us is not by them sitting us down to talk and to their actions Remember, we are watching the way they relate with each other the way they relate with everybody out there We are watching so through that we can be able to pick a few character traits from them And we'd be able to incalculate into ourselves The best way we can have a conversation with our parents is for us to suggest and to them and be open minded So that we understand their perspective and also they understand our perspective and also parents They need to give children a chance to be children. Remember a child you nurture today will A child you nurture today will be able to flourish you tomorrow So the quality of of of mentorship the quality of parenting you are giving it now Remember you are giving it the pros the prosperity that it deserves So we have to be very careful I like I hope the parents at home and even the kids are listening Because you have to suggest to your parents And then they advise you not police you because I think that's how we mix it up Because sometimes you come from a point of frustration and anger and you go at your parents And because of the tone and even the approach They cannot be receptive to you. They feel like Like And it's just because you've gotten to a point of awareness where you can address certain things And realistically the parents who are receptive You will sit down with them have a conversation and they actually listen to you. Maybe not at that moment You know parents in African parents They can never admit their wrong. They can't tell you In future and don't ask you by the way Can you listen my inner make sense? I'm a they just do it. They just do it. They don't tell you Because of also the pride But now if also the child has a pride because when you want to approach your parents You've probably gotten to a point of maturity and understanding that you can address matters But says your approach the way you've said the approach is what matters What if a parent is not receptive? Because there are parents who you The way you've said that the personalities of people who are saddies some people some people are narcissistic Some people are just you know, they're struggling with their own mental issues How do you get to forgive a parent who's dealing with some sort of maybe personality trait? Patience because you know these days I had someone ask can I take my parent to therapy? Because maybe then they'd be receptive to it. How do you approach a situation where You're trying to convey You hurt me and this and the situations or the way you speak to me really demoralizes me How can you communicate that to someone who is not receptive because we've said we have to talk Maybe it's just misunderstanding. If they're not receptive to that conversation. How do you deal with that then? I read somewhere someone was was it a poster or a meme? You should take your parents slowly. This is this is or this is the first time they're parents They have not done this before Yeah, yeah, I couldn't manual the same way. We don't have money of living. We just live If the same with this no manual of parenthood, they just have to try this and try this and try that so if you When you get to know that, you know In your marakwanza one of my hivi, but then as you have mentioned many of them might not listen So as for me i'm privileged My mom do listens maybe at times when i'm home and Something is not happening. I tend to To say i'll talk about it later or i just brush things off But then she's like, you know But you know Me personally i don't talk anything it can happen I'll go Then i'll come back when i'm good, but then no she will want to talk Then then when the moment she started letting Her self out and making me comfortable the moment i started talking i realized you know what she listens Because it was a hey, hey, and i don't want to feel heavy na heavy na heavy So i believe sometimes many youths want to film But when you sit down and you just crack that god Maybe when you just sit down and just talk Maybe other families are not like ours. Maybe you are now girlfriend in any But i'd say when you sit down and just express yourself Don't take her or him as A parent i believe my mom tells me like i'm your friend This talk to me like that will talk to me like your sister. So i sure make Till i take her comfortable i'm talking to her like a mom like a friend like everything and i can't do that So i believe if a parent makes his or her children comfortable They're going to talk with me. So now we are told to come past Maybe when we're just hanging out and your friends are opening up then you're like We get a lot of depression people just Clear themselves, but they had an opportunity to talk But they did not talk because the parents are like click when i mask they have no So i believe parents should remove the mask And just talk to your child Yeah, i like that because the way you said you should take your parent as a friend One thing i've also come to realize our parents are just humans like us You know, they experience life the same way we do and they're just learning it by the way They're taking it day by day. So sometimes maybe then the the mask and the facade is because That is the only way they know how to Because most times we take what our parents taught us and we carry that forward And sometimes they even take you as a child even if you're grown Really open up and express and as you've said they're different family dynamics because their families were they're not even given that platform They're not there's no open forum happen dictatorship So When i look at a situation like that, let's say you've tried maybe you you've gotten to a place where you've tried and had a conversation But this parent badu ha kuskizi, maybe it's your dad your mom doesn't listen Is not receptive and they've broken your trust because there are people who say once i move out I'm never coming back or they can't even trust their parents to do small small things So how can we allen if how can you individually? And I just want to trust that in the parent one would they have my best interest at heart. How do we get to that point? You know It's you now to be friendly to your parents and also your parents to be friendly and to you but endeavor to make your parents Your friends and also put a demarcation. There is a time They're supposed to be a parent and there is a time they're supposed to be a friend and also this is a plea to Parents out here as much as you are investing for the family You also need to invest into the family whereby have this conversation Is only is not only about investment is not only about we are going this we are going make everybody feel on board whereby Listen to their views you understand and through that also make a decision whereby everyone will feel included Everyone will feel They are part of the family so through that you can be able to be even easier for you to Ventilate out your issues be able to give suggestions and through that you grow as a family So whenever there is something of sort the best thing is for you to to ensure that You don't expose Let's say the the weaknesses of your parents out there Ensure that the situation is very calm and pick a conversation from there And that is why I still repeat suggest unto your parents and also understand them where they're coming from Maybe that is the best that is the best parenthood they can offer So through that also learn to alter your expectations on your parents and sure that whatever you you get from your parents Ensure that you multiply it and become the the positive vibes that is ensure you multiply it and transfer it to the next generation So it's all about your perception. It's all about What do you want to see out of your parents if you want to see negativity? I always say life is always fair if you want to see negativity in them if you want to see positivity You'll always see and remember you always attract what you want So be a good child to them and also they will be a good parent unto you change your mentality And that's really nice because you know so many people carry on the mentality of the parents And they wonder And it's about you transforming and it pulls us back to the beginning You need to be able to sit down with yourself. You need to be able to have a conversation with yourself Where you actually address and admit meaning toxic by the way Because you know people never want to admit they're toxic. They never want to admit We're the problem and I can also admit there's a point where I could never sit down and say I'm the one who may have cost something We always want to see they're wrong in people and as allen has also said It's important for you to have the right perception Because if you look at if I look at patients that I see an enemy regardless of whatever patients will do She's going to be an enemy and that takes us back to the stereotypes So the minute you break away from the perceptions that we have Then it's easy for us to see people for who they really are because most times we realize that our parents are just As scared as we are our parents are just trying to navigate us even the older generations Let's just widen it to the older generation Times are changing Do you know how crazy it is for you to have grown in an era where And then right now the digital space is booming and AI is everywhere I can imagine how shocking it is for them to even adjust to this new setup And you know as there's a common saying of you can't teach an old dog Nutrics because it's a Zoya Send your so it takes acceptance of the situation It takes us to reflect because if we are malleable then it's possible for us to even change the situation So, um, I want us to take a very short break But before that I wanted to remind you to go on our social media platforms It is at Y to 540 v on x Instagram and facebook. We have made a comment. I want to find out from you Is it possible for you to build trust with someone who's broken it? But to them somewhere Maybe it's your girlfriend your boyfriend your boss Whoever they broke your trust and you forgive them But is it possible to rebuild that trust? And then when we come back I want us to talk about our personal relationships because who owned opinion forgiveness Alan will give us some tips on how to get over Forgiveness particularly in our personal relationships as well as in our interpersonal relationships Let's take a very short break, but stick to Y to 540 v. My name is Sherri Lee blessing and this is the power talk show