 We all know that good parenting involves unconditional love and support. It was even found that affection can affect brain development. So it's not just touchy-feely stuff. Unfortunately, not all parents provide this kind of nurturing. Instead, they exhibit behaviors that are downright toxic and sabotage the possibility of a healthy, fulfilling relationship with their children. Wondering what those things are? Here, let's take a look. Number one, they project their negativity onto you. This is when the parent places things they dislike or can't face about themselves onto their children. So instead of the parent saying, I'm disappointed in myself, they persistently tell their child that life is unfair, that the child is unlucky, or maybe even tell the child they're unworthy, so they should expect to fail. This is incredibly damaging, as the child who is still developing takes the parent's words as absolute truth. And they'll start to embody those negative projections. Number two, they show little to no empathy. Consider if, when going to your parent for help with a problem or in grief, you hear something like, Why is everything always about you? Or, no one ever cares about the parent. It's only your needs that are important, right? The parent might even be dismissive of your concern and change the subject to something they deem important, meaning something to fulfill their own needs, not yours. They don't think, consider, or really care about how you or other people feel. It's all about them, and the concept of other people having equally valid feelings is incomprehensible. This is terrible, as this sends a clear message that they simply don't care for the child as an individual. Number three, they're overly critical. Yes, we make mistakes, and yes, part of parenting is to make the child aware that something is a mistake in the first place, so they can learn. There is a limit, though, before it turns into abuse. Overly critical is when the child has tried repeatedly to correct things or improve, yet they're still offensively wrong. An example could be, you only got 80%. You were lazy and didn't study, which leads to, you only got 90%? Do I have an idiot for a child? And even at 100. What, the teacher finally took pity on you? Or, so you got 100, but you neglected your chores. If you can't do both, you're just useless. So the child grows up believing they're never good enough. Maybe they're defective, or maybe they deserve to be treated badly. Number four, despite knowing your boundaries, they ignore them. Ever been just relaxing quietly in your room, and your parent just barges in with no warning? Or maybe out of the blue they force advice on you about something you never even hinted to them you needed or wanted help with? And if you dare to say something about it, you likely get the, I'm the parent, so I have the right to. No, this is ridiculous, unless the child is so young that they can't do basic functions for themselves yet. Any healthy relationship must include personal boundaries that are respected by all parties. A one-off could be that they didn't know or there was some sort of emergency. A repeated offense, especially if some excuse of because I'm the parent is given, means they don't respect you as a person, and that is not healthy. Number five, they insult you to hurt you. This is different from a joke burn war, where it's been firmly established by all that it's a fake insult for humor. This is the kind where you're humiliated or shamed, often for no reason or perhaps as a response to an accomplishment you've shared. They might even do this in front of others just to dig even deeper. This is not tough love to keep you humble. This is flat out abuse that makes the child feel alienated, anxious or depressed. The child's whole future outlook could be shackled with low self-esteem. Number six, you are always the reason for anything negative, even if you're actually not. Ever being blamed for being born? You know comments like you ruined my life, I couldn't reach my goals because I had to raise you, or maybe somehow everything that is inconvenient in your life is your fault? Like you're some sort of supernatural heart bringer of doom affecting events and places you've never even seen. Common sense goes out the window and they take everything they're dissatisfied with and somehow make it your doing, which by the way is 99.99% impossible. If you can relate to this, you have dysfunctional parents. Really, it's them, not you. And number seven, they are all take and no give. We don't mean things like money or gifts, although that could be part of it. This is like those situations where a parent instead of going to a qualified counselor or even an adult friend decides to emotionally dump on their 12 year old instead. All the child knows is that the parent is upset so they try to comfort them as best they can. A child is defined as a child here because their brains haven't developed to maturity yet. They should not and cannot handle that kind of responsibility in a healthy way. It's supposed to be the parent supporting guiding and comforting the child. Making the child be the parent is a real phenomenon called unsurprisingly, parentification. And it also means that when the child is in need of comfort, the parent doesn't reciprocate. Healing yourself from toxic parenting is in your power. You and only you have control of your own feelings and attitudes. Your parents are likewise the only ones who can control and change their own feelings and attitudes. It's time to free yourself from that burden if you believe it's your fault they aren't being better people because it isn't. You are never obligated to be abused nor are you obligated to take on your parents issues that they've ignored in themselves. Look out for yourself and be someone you like and respect. We know you can do it. Did you recognize any of these signs? Has this video changed the way you see things that have happened in the past? Please feel free to discuss below and we'll see you soon.