 How do you describe your sexuality to people? Do you characterize yourself by kinks, by orientation? Like if I asked, who are you as a sexual person, what would you say? I think using the word free spirit a lot, because I feel like it's so broad that I don't have to explain it, but I definitely identify as bisexual. Yeah, no one's really ever asked me that in the sense where I've started being like, a submissive little slut, and like, so you're gonna be like that. Yeah. That never happens. Like I have to make sure that I can go from suit to slut in like 20 minutes for a happy hour. See, that tagline in itself is why I should keep this job. Damn, let me get my shirt on my phone. Suit to slut. All right, lovers and friends, this episode is probably my most x-rated sex talk to date, which is crazy because it's probably the tamest for our guest, Wheezy, from Horrible Decisions. Wheezy is a smart, funny, and bold sex educator who is about to blow up the industry. Seriously, you guys have to go follow her pages and hers and Mandy's podcast now, which a fun fact, I am a guest on episode 121 of Horrible Decisions out today. Side note for any of my loves who feel intimidated by Wheezy's transparency, my next sex talk guest puts the P improved. So watch to the end for a teaser clip of that. Because we always, in our own minds, I think, and you and I are pretty open and accepting, but there's even times where I'll watch a video and I'm like, damn, she's just drinking it? She's just drinking piss, huh? But then here I am once I get spit on. There's someone that's doing the same to me, like, ugh. You know? So it's like really, what's your limit? And like, I can't judge anyone. I ask for disgusting things during sex. I had an episode where I talked about eating a cream pie out of someone, so I feel like there's no way I can ever judge. One of the best things that I did is that when I went to school, they made us do this course, it's called Sexual Attitude Readjustment. It's 40 hours of basically porn, where you have to watch every type, not every type, but like a 40-hour variety of different kinds of people enjoy pleasure. And at the end of that, it's just very rare that someone tells me something that they do that I'm like, usually I'm like, oh, I've seen that video. That is the best thing I've ever fucking heard. Hold on, wait, wait, wait, let's rewind. Did you have to do this, like, alone? Or you had to like- No, with people. Yeah, it's with like a class of people. Okay, what part did you get horny to? There was one that was food. I'm like kind of a basic bitch, to be honest with you. Like, I'm unfortunate. Like, it was like two women in the kitchen cooking like a, it was like a food fetish thing. And that was the one that got you? Yeah, that's when I had to go to the bathroom for it. You know what I think? Excuse myself. I think that the reason that probably was so attractive to you is because that's quote-unquote feminist porn, right? It's seeming like something real. If we're attracted to women, and sometimes I think as you're married to a man, so I don't know the sexual orientation, but I'm bisexual as well. And I find that it's very hard sometimes with women that I've slept with. Like, when is it gonna happen? So I think it makes sense. You're making a meal with someone. You have this sexual moment. Oh my God, is it gonna happen? Is she into me? Is she touching my hand this way? Like, it's real. I just like shit to be glazed. I just like it when it looks all nice and glazed up. Cause it looks like comments. What has been like your favorite sexual experience and what characterizes as your best? I think my ideal situation right now, ooh, can I set the scene? Yeah, please. Okay, yeah. So I'd go to a bar and it would probably be my neighborhood bar. I totally have a crush on this bartender and I know she fucks with me too, but I feel like I can just never hang till 4.45. It's a New York bar, right? 4 a.m. it's done. They gotta clean up and shit. I'm not lasting that long. My ideal night would be me going on a date with someone else and her coming home with us, but definitely him making me watch. Like, sitting on a chair in front of them while they both talk shit to me and then like, even maybe having to come and like clean up or taste something in the middle of it but not getting to be a part of it, that would drive me fucking crazy. Other than non-consensual sex, what would be a bad sexual experience to you? What has been bad? People that don't like to talk during sex. People that don't like to give a oral sex. People that I've noticed not everything goes. I think, obviously we have to ask, but I'm talking about as far as a partner that you've been with a few times. I don't like when I can't feel like I can spank you. Right? Or when you're just like, no, like you're not in the mood for it. Like I like someone that's just always ready when I am. You know? I can turn it on immediately when it's time and anything goes in that moment. I don't like the idea of us needing to get ready to have a wild night. I'm just gonna get distracted by talking to a billion things. I wanna go back to the very beginning. Tell me about your first sexual experience. I mean, the first time that you acknowledged yourself as a sexual person. I like that question a lot. Can I take it? Yeah, okay. So I can remember vividly around six or seven having a crush on a babysitter and noticing her body. And I was very confused because I knew I like boys as well. But I remember noticing her body and getting excited about it. And then maybe a few months later, I think I discovered my vagina in a certain way. And I felt like I was, like I didn't masturbate at that age, but I also knew like it meant something more, which is weird. And it's still weird that I can remember it. Following those early memories, I know a lot of hunching on the edge of the bed. Hunching, I've learned as a Florida word, which basically means like kind of- Humping? Hunching. It's hunching and humping the same thing? Yeah. But I think like hunching is a southern thing. But yeah, like I'd go on the edge of the bed. My mom always made me sleep with the door open. Is that just a black house? I mean, I have something in the door open voluntarily. No, my mom was like, get that motherfucker open. Oh, okay. So I would always get to the edge of the bed like I was just watching TV, but really I'd be like going up and down on it. And I would do that like every night to literally go to sleep. And as a kid, I realized that was like attention releasing. It's crazy. Actually, I recently read an article where there's a woman who teaches primary school so that's like ages eight to 13. Have you heard this about the masturbation? She wants kids to learn how to masturbate. And whereas I don't know if I'd ever feel comfortable about like fully teaching a kid how, I get that it was important for me to learn that on my own. I totally was all about touching myself as a kid. Like don't leave me home alone and go to the grocery store. I will fuck myself to get back. I would tell my mom, like I'd give a long list of shit to get. And then I would jerk off like in our living room, like a movie room we had because I could see the car coming in. So I'd be like trying to come right before she got in. Why did you have a penis all of a sudden? Cause I said jerking off. Well, no, you gave this motion. Oh, I call masturbation jerking off and like do it like that all the time. I don't know if that's your technique. So everyone does something different. Maybe you're just down there. I don't know, I'm always saying that. I'm always like I gotta go jerk it. I love the jerk off motion. Yes, it's fun. When people annoy me. I like doing it to people. Yes. It's like little Spider-Man moves. Was there shame associated with that? How did you, you were doing it to feel good and to release tension and it was serving you in that way. But how did you feel after? I don't think I could process it all the way. Like, I think I stopped for a while and maybe until I turned like 11 or 12. But I don't think I knew exactly that like. Did you stop for a reason or? Yeah, I think I stopped because I realized it was making me think about sex a little too much and I was confused at what I wanted with sex. Like when I was eight, I had an experience with hunching again with my neighbor, right? This girl that I liked and I realized we were doing it too much. Instead of playing anymore, we were doing things like that like kind of playing house and figuring each other's bodies out and it got weird. So I kind of just stopped, right? And once I started to have more conversations about sex with my mom, that's what made me want to learn my body more again. Your mom sounds dope. So mom is super dope. She's come on our podcast and told some crazy shit. She tells a great story about her. She fucked this guy with no legs and it's a highlight. She talks about how she heard click, click because the legs came off. She had no idea. So good. So your mom never shamed you, never made you feel bad about it and then just gave you the space to figure things out in your own but also act as a guideline to tell you things when she felt you were ready. Yeah, like my mom, I think the only thing that she would do when I was young that taught me about my body was she would put her hand on my breasts or like down maybe near my thighs and say, what do you do if a boy touches you here? What do you do if someone touches you here and she would teach me how to like fight them off or tell me what to say to them. But as far as like learning about my body and teaching me about sex, that did come once I was like fifth grade or sixth grade, so what, 10 or 11? And I really appreciated it. I was embarrassed about it but I had all the questions. And at this time we had AOL dial-up so I already had seen some porn and watched Real Sex on HBO and all of that stuff. So I knew, so I was asking her and she made me feel so comfortable. Like my mom, right when I was like 14 which I wasn't even having sex then, she was like, when you're ready for birth control you tell me, we can just fit you on it. We can just do it at 15 if you want. Like she really wanted me to be safe. She really wanted to make sure I knew about everything. She bought condoms one day and I remember my dad was laughing like, did you meet somebody? And she's like, no, these are to show her. She wanted to show me what they look like and show me everything. Which I still feel like a lot of friends when I tell them that, they feel like my mom encouraged sex too young. I always feel like when you have the open space you'll be the safer kid. Like we're all gonna end up fucking. We are. And we should. Yes! I love that now just being in this industry the more I meet sex birds, sexologists, whatever just hearing how encouraged they really are to parents about teaching and talking. Like I would have to. I really would. It just makes me feel safer about protecting my kid in a space like that. Just imagine if you're a 15 year old girl and a boy is doing things to you you've never heard about. How you may wanna say no but don't know how to say no. Consent is a big deal. My mom, that's the one thing I think she didn't really teach me about that I didn't understand. And I think we're just all as a generation more vocal about it now. My mom definitely told me what to do when I didn't know someone or when you know they were a family friend or if like someone was violating me. But I didn't really understand consent with people I was interested in. You know like let's say I go on a date to the movies and he wants to put his hand down my panties. I can remember a moment being young and thinking like I don't want this but I'm supposed to. Yes. So I would definitely now as an adult if I ever become a parent make sure consent is a big conversation. Which is why I love watching videos of mom teaching their kids. Like if you don't want to hug someone if you don't want to hug me, don't. Because that teaches you that hey you know me and you love me but you don't always have to get that affection from me. Which is a big deal. Well 80% of sexual assaults happen from a known attacker. But when we think about sexual assault it's that guy at the construction site who comes out from like the sewer. And this carried on a lot for me I think into my later teenage years like 19 or so where maybe I would go on a date with someone and go back to their place and not really understand what would happen. Opposed to now where I'm really communicative even though men might not like it. I used to be the person where I love a nightcap and to me a nightcap just means maybe another cocktail maybe we smoke together, watch something and then I can leave. I don't really always like going to a loud bar to hang out I do like to be in a comfortable space right? Especially when you have a nice home to entertain in. So if I want to invite someone over I don't always want that to seem like the invitation for sex. And we've had a lot of debates on our podcast about this where people are like you're out of your mind 10 o'clock at night after dinner I go to some girls house I don't think I'm gonna fuck. I'm like, think what you want. But yeah, it's you're free to have the fuck you wanna do in your head. You are free to have every fantasy, every expectation that's just not the reality. But why the expectation? And it's because like that's really I think even what women think we're supposed to do. Shit I did in college like I thought like okay well I'm here, I have to suck your dick. Well the expectation I think naturally does exist. I mean I agree with that. Like if I go to someone's party for example I always expect there's gonna be food. It's just my expectation. I'ma get there and be like, it's not that kind of party. And then I have to adjust my expectations. But that's still on me because I didn't eat before I got there. But nonetheless it's like. Kind of like me now with ordering. Right. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Going to someone's house, even expected food. I see, that was fucked up. Look at this, it makes sense right? This is a lesson. Or you know, or head. Right. I'll take that. No, yeah I don't know like I remember a lot of moments in college where and when I say college I mean those college age of just meeting guys and just I don't even know how ending up at their place. Like maybe they'd drive me home from the club and they would say, oh do you wanna smoke with me? Or they'd say something that wasn't sex and I would truly believe it. And then I ended up catching a body that way. Yeah. There's so many. When did you stop doing that? When did you have that adjustment where you're like, nah, no more like just because sex. No more might as well fucking. Yeah, yeah. I'm 28, I would say 24, 25. Which I think is kind of recent, but genuinely like just being like, oh no, like you're even not giving a fuck to say no. Being, I think confidence played a lot with that. Not to say that I was ever like a girl that felt ugly or not, you know, I don't know. Maybe just assuming that this would bring us closer. Not really understanding. Because I am so connected with sex. I feel like when I choose, whether even if it's a threesome with someone from Tinder, I feel like that's still gonna bring me closer to that woman and that experience or that man or whatever. So I kind of assumed when I was younger, I think that sex would bring us closer. So if I have that interest in you already, then sex will make it better. And then after that, you know, 25 age, money also helped too, you know? Because here goes a date, a dinner. I'm like, oh damn, I gotta Uber myself home. I'm gonna just stay here and fuck him. Yeah. And now I'm like, oh no, I can leave. I can buy myself a steak. Yeah. That's so scary and sad to think about, right? Seriously. That's a part of the decision making. And I mean, I'm half serious and half joking, but like, honestly, I can remember those moments where I would meet someone and I would just be like, geez, I'm already here. Like, is it gonna be too difficult to leave? Well, he did spend this. He did do this for me. So I have to do this for him. Thinking that that's the way that we exchanged. But no, now I know better. Oh no, I mean, the biggest lesson for me is like I think in around 28 years old when I started dating again, I would just legit tell dudes, I'm like, I'm not sucking your dick and we're not having sex. And that sounds so stupid to like announce like the same way you would say like, oh, I'm a vegan. But like, oh, we're not fucking, I'm not gonna suck your dick. And then sure enough, the night would continue out. We'd have a great time and they try it, which I'm like, fair enough, you have your effort. The answer was no. But then afterwards, they'd call the next day still. Like, nothing would change. It doesn't. I just realized that like, this doesn't make things better or worse. It's just neutral. It's a thing that you do together. Now, I really appreciate you saying that because I've heard a lot of men say to me, I've made comments on my podcast that I noticed I've had sex around the fourth or fifth date. That's kind of when sex happens for me, right? And I think it's because if I want to be around you that often and we're keeping that much in touch, now I probably am ready. I go on a lot of first date, Shane. I live in New York. I'm on dating apps. Shit happens, right? Very seldom am I that interested to go on a third date or a fourth date. It just doesn't happen. So once we get there, it's not like I'm counting the dates, but I'm most likely ready. I'm fucking busy. I'm assuming like a day to week, you've been seeing somebody for like a month or two months like maybe now I am ready for sex, you know? But it's not like I'm trying to push and make someone wait because I think they'll respect me more. I want to be very clear with that because I'm fucked on the first night and I lived with the guys for two years. But I think for me, I enjoy someone's company after sex and before sex. So I like to know that I want you around. Even when meeting them now, Shane, like I can't even tell you, I'm dating a girl. We call her scissors on my show. Maybe you've seen me post her, I think, yeah. And she's dope. And when I meet men and I'm dating now, I tell them about her and how I would love to incorporate a man in our relationship. And I realized how it makes me come as off. Like it's just like, oh, you guys just want some threesome shit. Like freaky, you guys are crazy. But like, no, I really want to have two people that I love and care about and fuck them, you know? But I realize everyone thinks it's so fucking insane. Like, I don't know. For me, threesome have always been so sacred. Yeah. You know? I've never really been a guest star. Mainly because I'm worried about how to control that. For example, right? You and Jared are hot. Let's just say that you guys meet a girl. And of course, she's going to want to come home with the two of you. You both are going to basically set the tone for her. Yes. Opposed to if I have a guy. You and scissors. Yes. So I'm just like, oh, like, we know we want to fuck this guy. We know where our heads at. So I guess for myself, I'm always scared to be a guest star because I don't know what I'm going to be walking into. Even though I'm sure you treat your guest stars very ethically, with a lot of love and respect. I do. And you ask them questions. Yeah. And so did you ever have the shitty sex life? Like a period of time in which you weren't figuring out and you weren't happy with it. And it was a negative part of your life. Cause it sounds like you've had a great relationship with sex since you were six. That's a good question. Yeah. Oh my God. Duh. Yes. I got, what is it? Vaginismus when you... Yes. It's painful to... Yes. I went through that during a serious relationship. However, it was definitely directly related. There was a lot of emotional and physical abuse in that relationship. And sex was super painful for with me with someone that I thought I loved. It was very confusing. I did pelvic floor therapy where I read it now. They call it the butterfly effect in New York. So they take this wand and I felt vibrations and it was supposed to loosen me up. And it worked, but I realized sex was better without them. You know? I had a very hard time getting wet. I blamed myself a lot. I was just like, oh my God, what's wrong with me? Yeah, I felt awful. Even masturbating, I would feel guilty because I couldn't calm or let my body relax with him. So that was a really hard time for me. And I was only 20 years old. Doing fucking pelvic floor therapy. I mean, I was in a very serious relationship with this guy and he would literally start sex, like just try to enter me after giving me head and it's like my whole body would freeze. And we definitely both knew something was wrong or he would even say when he was inside of me it would hurt because I was tightening and clenching so much, but it would really feel like a knife. Like I can't even explain it. I Googled it like crazy, just wonder what was going on. And then I've never even said this on my podcast, but I'll tell you. So I slept with someone else, right? That was just nice to me. Literally a fucking door guy somewhere that was just always really sweet and made me feel safe. And it didn't happen with him. There was no pain. I was totally relaxed and my body was freed up. So I go the next day to do pelvic floor therapy and I told the nurse that was doing it for me. I was like, I know that he's paying for everything. Keep a secret. I was like, I don't really think I need this anymore. She was like, well, why not? I was like, because I fucked someone else. And then that's how much I learned. Your brain really works with your pussy. Just really does. I could not have sex with him. My body would literally reject the thought of him. And a month later we were broken up. I'm blown away by the fact that you have been so resourceful every step of the way, whether it be through your mom or even through your own self-awareness at eight years old of being like, I'm gonna stop doing this for a while because I don't think it's where I wanna focus right now. And being 20 and saying, this isn't right. My body's working against me. I have to go get help. Does that not shock you that you do that? Because most people spend a lot of their lives thinking they're abnormal, hating themselves, coming up with a billion different reasons why there's no hope for them and then just have shit sex lives. I mean, well, you are sitting with someone who, you know, does some stuff similar to what you do, right? I mean, I feel like I definitely have a sex podcast for a reason. Yeah. I knew that these things were okay, but other people made me feel like they weren't. Well, what age did you start sex-berteasing then? When did this become a part of like- Oh my God, I would say even before I had sex. Like my friends that were having sex just telling them how to talk to each other, like my dad used to tell me when I was a kid, you're going to be a talk show host. You're going to be like Jenny Jones. That's what he used to tell me. And I was like, why Jenny? Oprah. Yeah. She's Richard. I'm black. But I mean, yeah, I don't know. My mom was always such a vocal person, I think, and just so extroverted, that's where that came from. But I loved it. I loved to help friends through advice. And even if I don't know, I love figuring out shit with them. I'm like totally a problem solver, love some critical thinking shit. And especially when it comes to sex, because I feel like it's something that's super taboo. I mean, I've watched and read so much shit about sex before I should have even been doing it, that I feel like it's just a part of my life. Are you here to educate? Are you here to disrupt? Are you here to share your story? Like, when you think about why you do what you do, what comes to mind? I want to be someone I think that does it all, but mainly, you know, I don't want to always be the teacher. I want to learn with you. I've been wrong so many times, right? We had an episode about HIV. I remember where we were wrong a lot. I was like, damn, I was Googling shit. So right after, what did we do? We just had two HIV experts on, working a clinic. I like to learn with my listeners. I like to share my stories. I love telling embarrassing stories so that they know that shit happens, you know? Oh my God, like, are you gagging? And it's like right there when you're stuck in dick and now you just got to like jerk them off because like, we've all had that dumb story. And I love sharing that and being open because I feel like it makes everyone else more comfortable. My main goal is just to make people feel comfortable about their own sex lives, listening to mine. And if I don't know, I'm gonna ask someone else that knows better than me. I have a friend who's a naturopathy doctor. And whenever people go a little too far with their questions, I'm like, Kimmy, let me know what's going on. What's up? Can she put in her pussy or not? But I want to make sure that I always give people that. Can you put this in your pussy or not? Is an incredible forum. How big is that dick? I would love that to be the tagline for when you drop your pants. Like, can I put that in my pussy or not? I hope it's a nah. I'll make room though. I will make room. I will arch that back so you can get a little deeper. If it's like a little too big, I'm like, shit. Is that you lubing it up right there? We can just end on that, that's great. That was pretty good. And also it makes me be like, so you keep it to yourself. But to yourself. To myself and with my friends. You're swimming in women with their own condominiums. Totally. That's exactly how I would put it. Okay, good.