 man I'm glad you didn't see me pleading for help on the lovely black female bus drivers. I can't believe how much of a volatile I've been. Last few days. Some days I do kind of lie on the floor toss and turn. I might get up again or get up and left like I don't care about anything. Nothing except the Dallas Cowboys. God forbid God forbid. And then getting on the bus to do some work for a client. And the bus for the first time since I've taken it gets in a whole new direction. And I'm absolutely throwing out like one-fifth of a panic attack just because the bus takes a new direction. Then I'm running ten minutes late for an appointment having like one tenth of a panic attack. And I'm just walking down the road and there are these burly construction workers with their their implements. I feel absolutely helpless. I'm thinking wow if one of them charged at me right now it'd be absolutely defenseless. I am like completely reverting to childish helplessness at age 55. Not a good one. And I figured out why I'm experiencing this emotional volatility. So stay tuned for that and more coming up on the 40's day. So then I get around people I like and then boom my confidence just spikes up and I feel good and I feel powerful and I feel strong. I get you know I get on my work down. And boom. I lose a good honor. Just when I was getting like this high quality work done I was like good. I lost it. And then I try to gather up you know years and years of possessions but I'm no longer going to need this one place. I'm just lugging it into the Uber. The Uber driver doesn't speak English. I don't say a word. We just silently drive through the dark Los Angeles rush hour traffic. And then I get a I'm teaching in a terminal with Belinda I see. Please report back to TSA checkpoint for Los Island. Again that's Belinda I see. Please report back to TSA checkpoint for Los Island. And I get the flash. I should get back to Australia for a couple of months. I refresh myself. Here I am. So I got that thought one day night. And what's this? Is this Tuesday night? This is Tuesday night. Attention in a terminal with Belinda I see. Please report back to TSA checkpoint. Again that's Belinda I see. Please report back to TSA checkpoint for Los Island. This morning I think. And then I got my negative PCR DNA PCR test for COVID about 9.30 a.m. Then I cancelled my first flight, walked a second one to go straight into Sydney. I'll be arriving in Sydney the first day after noon. The first day are though. I'm going to spend about a month in Sydney. Then a month in Queensland maybe. The situation is still volatile. Not as volatile as we need. Like I left the house this evening for my trip to Australia. Attention travelers and employees. Federal law requires wearing a mask at all times while on the airport. Refusal to wear a mask may result in removal and denial of re-entry. Violators may also be subject to further penalties under federal law. Please remember face masks must cover an individual's mouth and nose. Learn more at flylax.com slash travel safely. I get back to my passport and drawings license and credit cards and cash and I get back on the bus and I transfer and I'm sitting there waiting for the transfer bus and it never comes. Like I'm looking at the app and it's just passing me by to find the different forms. I say, hey, how do I get to LAX? I gotta go down the block. I can't believe I'll help myself. It's nice. I'm just relying on the kindness of strangers. It's really pathetic. I'm not going to judge myself. So it's nice. There's a light bus driving There's so many of those. We help each other driving a block and then I get on the bus and they don't take my app pass and I don't even have a dollar. I don't even have a dollar. That's how I'm prepared. I've got a whole bunch of 20s and they don't even have a dollar. I'm riding the bus for free. I'm a fair jumper. Like I'm a criminal. And then the very nice black lady bus driver says, hey, that is a bus. Attention at the terminal, Philippine Airlines is paging for the following passengers. Passenger Año Nuevo, Peter. Passenger Azucanas, Mio. Passenger Christian Cho, James Hian. Passenger Escote, Elvira. Passenger Abir, Romeo. Passenger Las Marías. Passenger Mancoy Alberto. Passenger Nakita Adele. Passenger Salas. Passenger Arduro. Passenger Sanchez. Jerry Braille. Passenger Santiago Michael. Passenger Serrano Mark. Passenger Vazquez Flora. Passenger Zilebrelia. Passenger Davis Farming. If you heard your name, please approach the podium at 8205. 8205. To verify your documents and have your passes reissued. Thank you. Nice lady bus driver says, I want you to find out when we get to tell me where to be. He's like, yeah, please. I'll please keep your seat because I'm like walking up the bus to talk to her. I feel like I've lugged my $50,000 bag two or three miles this evening. I'm wiped. Not sleeping. I can't drink enough water. It was constantly thirsty. And then, I have a valid American passport, but that's not a good enough to get to Australia. My Australian passport's out of date, so you have to call Australian customs. You know, the last TGO lady standing there and holding for like 20 minutes finally get permission to board. I've got a really Australian passport for a long time. Yeah, I've got dual passports, man. Australian and... And I'm just a life of advice. I mean, I can't remember when I last felt this intensity of fear and helplessness. Now, the one good thing I would say for myself is I'm not aware of my selfishness hurting other people in the last few days. So I'll give myself credit for that. And I also give myself credit for doing the things I need to do. But why am I having these unbelievable levels of fear and helplessness and just feeling completely inadequate to the task of being an adult? Why do I just want to shrink back to my room and avoid the wider world? And I cut the answer when I was sick a couple of weeks ago. I stopped going to 12-step meetings and I haven't really resumed. I mean, I've kind of showed up, but not really paid attention. I've listened to some 12-step talks, but not really paid attention. So I've gotten off my spiritual path. And yeah, I know this sounds over-determined and it sounds like an addict talking. It sounds like crazy talk, but something that made sense is because I've gotten off my program. I haven't been meeting with sponsors very much last two weeks. And so I kind of lost a lot of a figure with my 12-step programs. And I've relapsed to my helpless, fearful, frightened fellow who just wants to make his life as small as possible. And so there's a lot of peace and understanding of why I'm in this spiritual mess right now. I mean, at last experience, this is maybe three months ago, I was standing around on a showbiz and I was just thinking negative thoughts about people, thinking negative thoughts about them and negative thoughts about myself and feeling a tremendous amount of fear and not wanting to engage with anyone. And suddenly I realized, I realize this because I hadn't done any 12-step work that day. Like if I don't do 12-step work every day, then I become much more vulnerable. I need a power greater than myself to restore my sanity. So it feels so good to have that clarity about what exactly has gone wrong. You know, what I'm telling you is such a labile mess that I haven't been working my program. I haven't been getting any news. I haven't been talking to my sponsors. May I have your attention on boarding area, please? For passengers on flight 1811, which services to Nangit Biji is checked in from WestJet, Air Canada, Alaska, or American. You still have those boarding passes. Please proceed in front of the podium for a very important message with your travel documents. Once again, passengers on flight FJ1811 is still holding WestJet, Air Canada, Alaska, boarding passes. Please proceed to the front of the podium with your travel documents. We're going to start with any guests. Please proceed at the gate 124. Please proceed for flight E24. The penal colony charges you if you want to leave. But Australia is opening up, so flying into Sydney where there aren't mandatory quarantines. And there aren't mandatory quarantines anyway for Australian citizens. But it's a complicated world and it's constantly changing. Which is only right and good because COVID and the very strange, the threats they pose are also constantly changing. So in Victoria there are like 900 new cases a day. But in Queensland there are zero new cases. So good on you Queensland. So I think New South Wales is more than 80% double vaccinated. Queensland is about 70% double vaccinated. I think Victoria is about 80% double vaccinated. Overall, Australia is at very low COVID rates. That doesn't necessarily mean that it's because of the measures that were taken. Alright? Yeah, God, if you sort like the clean, snibbling, desperate need over the past two hours. It needed the help from a nice black lady bus driver. I absolutely bewildered by ordinary adult tasks. Just consumed by fear, inadequacy, helplessness, confusion. And that's because I haven't been working my program. So of course I could be completely delusional and have absolutely nothing to do with my program. But that's how I'm understanding it. But at least I maintain an attitude of humility. I'm getting along really well with people. Yeah, 40 is being off lately. Yeah, I have. I'm not going to lie. I've been a bit of a wreck. Dreadstream. Yeah, Dreadstream. That's it, man. Dread and helplessness and fear. Where's the bus? The new bus stop is like a block down by exposition. I thought it was by children. So when I work my program, when I'm a scientist or not, it's when I'm on regular meetings. When I'm reading 207 journals and listening to 207 talks, they feel much more confident, strong, and not filled with red and fried. In a 55 year old man. I feel like a five year old boy is being asked to fly to Australia on his group. My brother and sister would not like this. So last time I went back to Australia was like May of 2014. And I was so ashamed because then I had been carrying over $50,000 in credit card debt for five years. I borrowed all this money to do my own zen and taking a teacher training. And then I wasn't able to monetize it. I was working $18 an hour. It's making no progress paying down my credit card debt. What was giving my life some meaning and excitement is that I was getting into the old life. I was eating bio-diversity and Steve Saylor and American Renaissance and all that. But my life was a wreck. And I was just so ashamed to run into all my relics and just doing so much better than I. All the people I used to know when I lived in Tatham Sands Australia for a year after high school, they were all doing so much better than they were like married kids, beautiful homes, like retirement funds, regular vacations. It was just like the gap between the lives around me and the lives that I was living in. So I reported you and I got back to leaving Australia. Ma'am, your attention to reporting, I repeat. You're always by FJ1811 is paging for Shiro Mani. That's not me. Once again, passenger Shiro Mani. Please proceed in front of the podium with them. Oh, finally to the stage. That's truly something to look forward to. And I can't wait. What I forgot to do. I think I've dotted all my eyes and crossed my tears of being a responsible adult. I bought a laptop so that I could use some high quality screens for Australia. All these people are sitting here. Is it Jim Bowman? Who's that guy that that raucous Catholic lawyer do? He's on the stream all the time. Jim, somebody like, I should be able to see him. I sent him an email. I sent Drew Fraser, the Aussie academic. He wrote the last question, sent him an email so he could meet up. I have friends from childhood. I have friends who are professors in Sydney. I haven't been back to Sydney since June of 1935. I grew up two hours outside of Sydney. I really want to go back to Abendale. I wonder if anyone will often take me back to Abendale. That's where I grew up. That's where my dad was chairing an engine department. It's not that I'm a wash, but I think with warm feelings about the body. I want to go back to Abendale. Yeah, Jim Bowman. I'm going to meet up with Jim Bowman. There's a whole part of the Forty-Verse that resides in Sydney. I've also got friends in Brissy from the Forty-Verse. I really love this all around. I'm feeling better already. Step one, admit I'm powerless. Step two, admit that Jesus used to drink and bawl in the streets of Sydney. Admit that there's a power greater than myself if it can restore me to sanity. Step three, make a decision to turn my will and my life into the care of my power as I understand it. Forty-University has a branch campus in Sydney, in Brisbane. New York, San Francisco. I haven't even read John Locke, dude. I brought one book with me, like a physical book. It's John Locke's treatises on government. I like reading about John Locke's treatises on government. John Locke's not exactly the most scintillating writer. I've got him with me and I've downloaded all of Edward Gibbons' Decline of Fall, The Remnant Empire. It's on my Audible app. So I've listened to Decline of Fall for the next 20 hours on the Good Ship Marley Pop all the way to Australia. So anyone done any international flying during the age of COVID? It seems to be coming back. What name? You have to get. Pisaertes, before you go, then before you leave. Do I have to talk to you about that? Not cheap. Maybe I'll go to work in these tables. These tables, like Alexander Tech would be ready to get motivated and start grinding, bro. My brother wants to put me to work in the Tenant Garden Center. Get my hands dirty. These are hands. These are hands built for typing. These are hands built for tweeting and blogging. These are hands built for writing out YouTube video descriptions. Not really, not really built for the hard manual language. Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. Singapore Airlines is paging for the following customers. Bye bye.