 Welcome to the anxious truth. This is the podcast that covers all things anxiety anxiety disorders and anxiety recovery So if you're struggling with things like recurring panic attacks agoraphobia health anxiety or OCD This is the place for you this week on the anxious truth We're going to talk about a really popular technique for dealing with anxiety. That is distraction We're going to talk about why distraction kind of works in the moment, but in the long run it'll come back to bite you Hello everybody, welcome back to the anxious truth This is episode 257 of the podcast recording in May of 2023 in case you are listening in the future I am Drew lincellata creator and host of the anxious truth if this is your first time here at the podcast or on the YouTube channel Welcome, I hope you find this all helpful and useful in some way And if you're a returning listener or viewer welcome back, I'm always glad that you're here this week on the podcast We're going to talk about distraction Distraction is one of the most common and popular techniques kind of used to deal with anxiety when it rears its ugly head and To be sure distraction has its value But distraction when it becomes a default and a way to try to escape from those feelings that you hate and fear So much can really backfire on you and can keep you stuck in the recovery process instead of moving you forward But before we get into that just a very quick reminder that the anxious truth is more than just this podcast episode All of the goodies that I have on offer are at the anxious truth calm Including a bunch of other free podcast episodes a mountain of free social media content Books that I've written about anxiety and recovery courses and workshops and links to all the good stuff So if you have a minute go check out the anxious truth calm and evaluate yourself of all the resources And if you're following my work and it's helping you in some way And you'd like to find a way to support it you can find all the ways to do that at the anxious truth calm slash support Financial support is never required But always appreciate it in any way you can find to support this work be just leaving a podcast review or hitting a thumbs up on a YouTube video. Thank you very much. It's really helpful, and I appreciate that So let's get into today's discussion about distraction It's one of the most common and popular sort of techniques and air quotes that people use to deal with things Like high anxiety spikes or intrusive thoughts or scary thoughts or anxiety symptoms or panic attacks People will tend to try to distract themselves to get away from those things and make them go away And we hear this expressed in a lot of different ways People will say I just have to get out of my head or often people who are struggling with anxiety disorders will Acknowledge if I could just get out of my own head for five minutes Things would be much better and to be sure that's really true in a lot of ways So when anxiety rears its ugly head and somebody's heading toward full panic or they're in a panic attack often They will frantically try to distract themselves Intentionally to make that end and make it go away and make themselves feel better And in many cases we cannot argue with the fact that distraction does work in the moment If you can find a way to distract yourself from a period of very high anxiety that comes along with really uncomfortable Physical sensations or really catastrophic thoughts or really disturbing thoughts if you can't effectively distract yourself in that moment You can often find a sense of relief relatively quickly. That's a hundred percent true But the problem with distraction. There's really two One is that it can be really hard to make it work even in the moment Because when you are being sort of overwhelmed by a tidal wave of thoughts and sensations that terrify you that you think you cannot Handle the idea of trying to do something to get away from it intentionally can be very difficult for many people So for some people they will try to distract themselves intentionally But they really kind of won't be able to do it and that can be dangerous because when we do it that way And it sort of doesn't work It can really fuel that frantic cycle and make things worse in the moment For instance as a popular example somebody who's maybe experiencing high anxiety or panic attacks while they're driving Will often say well I turn up the radio or I count the bumps on the steering wheel or I open the the window and stick my face out to get air in My face and they're hoping that in that moment They will distract themselves from what they are feeling and it will start to go away But if it doesn't go away because it's so overwhelming and it feels so scary and catastrophic And that can kick them into an even higher degree of distress because it's air quotes not working So that's one of the drawbacks to distraction in the moment Sometimes people will try to enlist the aid of others Safe people friends family companions whoever they are with to try to distract them I know people who will specifically engage in a ritual of calling somebody I have five people that I can call if I panic and I know that they will talk me through They will tell me funny stories. They will tell me jokes. They we will sing songs together So sometimes they will make use of other people their support people and friends and family to try to help them be distracted from these scary Uncomfortable overwhelming feeling sensations and thoughts and sometimes that will work for them in the moment But here's the drawback Even if you have rituals that are based around distraction and by the way a lot of these days when everybody carries a You know a phone in their hand a mobile device in their hand Those mobile devices have played a big role in sort of advancing, you know The art and science of distraction because there's always the social media scroll and you know while I'm thinking about that Let's talk about that for just a second One of the most common distracting techniques or distraction techniques that I know people in this community will use is they will Immediately open their phone and immediately begin to scroll through tiktok or Instagram or Facebook or or try to find YouTube videos Sometimes they will immediately go to anxiety related content on social media platforms, which sometimes is just a comfort thing They feel like if they read about it or they they watch one of my videos or someone else like me or they go into their Facebook group Their support group and start to scroll through and see however what everybody else is doing. They find some comfort in that Sometimes that makes things a little bit worse because they can get triggered by what they see or they are just using social media in General whatever it happens to be funny cat videos or they're playing games on their mobile device So the mobile device has really been like a huge boon when it comes to distraction. I'm not saying that's good It's probably not good in the long run But we will also find that if people go immediately to some electronic device some digital device some mobile device Be it a tablet or a phone or whatever and they immediately run to that to distract themselves from their discomfort Often there's negative benefit benefits to that too or there's negative impact on that too over the long run even in a given day That's when you find people that find that they have neck problems or vision problems Or they spend so much time scrolling on their phone that when they look up and out the window Things seem a little bit weird and their eyes aren't focusing and they're having problem with distance vision And then if they're feeling anxious already and they're dealing with things like maybe a sense of off-balanceness Off-balanceness, I think I just invented a word by the way if they feel off-balance or a little dizzy or they're having problems with Derealization or depersonalization Scrolling through as a distraction for hours and hours a day Content to exacerbate those things again the neck problems the shoulder problems back problems posture issues balance issues So that form of distraction can actually make things worse physically and often does Now that we've sort of acknowledged distraction and what it does and it will get you out of your head Let's talk about what that teaches us and then we're going to talk about why we don't want to go there in The way most people try to go there and use distraction as a tool or an escape behavior So what distraction really teaches us is that when we do get out of our heads in the scariest moments And we can separate ourselves from the sensations that we feel and fear And the thoughts that we engage with oh my god. What if this is oh my goodness? What if this happens? Oh my god? I'm gonna snap OMG. I'm gonna have a psychotic break OMG. I might be dying OMG My partner might really not really love me when we can put some space between us and those those thoughts and those interpretations of our thoughts and our sensations and we get away from those things and we don't really feel them or hear them as Strongly suddenly we begin to feel better So what distraction really does do and I will give a credit for this is it paints a very accurate picture for us of the Irrational or misguided nature of the fear we're trying to get away from because if you can get out of your own head 30 seconds ago or two minutes ago You were 100% convinced that you were about to act on a horrible intrusive thought or you were 100% convinced That you were about to die or have a psychotic break or go into a permanently Derealized state you were totally convinced that the way you felt indicated that there was some horrible fate awaiting you And then three minutes later because you got distracted by a funny cat video on tiktok. Suddenly you're not as afraid So what happened there? It literally shows us that there is no danger Inherent in any of the the things we're talking about in this podcast. We feel like we are in danger We feel like this is urgent. We feel like this is important We feel like we have to save ourselves or prevent some sort of disaster And then we get caught up scrolling tiktok or Instagram or we talk to a friend or we start whatever singing along with the radio And we we get caught up in the song and suddenly we're not so scared Like you'd have to really you'd have to go a long way to somehow argue that a funny cat video on tiktok Saved you from having a psychotic break. It didn't so most people understand that like Oh, well once I got out of my own head and stopped making how I feel the most important thing in the room Automatically I started to feel better But the thing is even when handed that lesson when distraction hands you that lesson that says hey look soon as you get out Of your own head suddenly it wasn't so scary anymore. What does that tell you it tells you that you're always safe So you don't have to run away instead of taking that lesson. They will literally interpret it Accidentally they don't mean to do this as I must distract when I feel these things or else I'm not okay, and that's where things start to get a little bit dicey Because in the end while you do get that temporary relief It also teaches you the lesson that there's a condition on you being okay If I feel panic if I feel high anxiety if I start to have these thoughts that I really hate and I'm so afraid of I Must get away from them immediately because I can't handle them They will overwhelm me. They scare me too much I can't handle it I'm going to snap or it feels so strong or it feels like this is gonna happen And I can't possibly navigate through that so I need to run from it And I need to make it go away and I need to drown out those feelings and those thoughts That is where distraction leads and that's not a good thing because it essentially is Confirming for you that you have no ability to handle your own body in your mind I'm only okay if I can get away from myself Instantly and as quickly as possible and what that means is people develop very elaborate and pre-planned distraction rituals I can only do things Even though I don't want to do them, but I will do them as long as I have a million conditions set Based on things like some people saving me or rescuing me or distracting me Like there's no possible way I can go and do a challenging thing that it might trigger my anxiety if I don't have my phone with me I have to be able to scroll I have to be able to walk out of the room and quickly check my email or go through my Facebook group Or put on a podcast real quick see what happens there like it's not it's it's bringing you Temporary relief in the moment, but it creates a huge Restriction and a huge set of restrictions on your life that really don't lead to a lasting recovery It's a band-aid and this has been documented again and again and again. It's been researched extensively This is not news at all distraction is very Attractive because when you are in a in a distressful state a state of distress in a moment You can find some relief if it works for you in that moment But it puts you right back into the same cycle an hour later two hours later a day later a week later It doesn't actually solve anything it just puts a band-aid on it and then moves you down the road to the next time you need another band-aid That's why distraction is not a good thing in the long-run distraction is not recovery distraction is Part of recovery because when we do things in a productive way we literally are Distracting ourselves that is a hundred percent true, but we're not doing it with the intent to escape And that's where the rubber hits the road here in this episode today So if it's almost impossible to go through the recovery process and not be distracting yourself in some way That is true. You are doing it. I did it. Everybody does it But we're doing it with a specific intention and this is this is where you can use the mechanism of distraction Which I often just called refocus or putting your attention on something that matters as opposed to fear So you can call it anything you want. I'm gonna call it refocusing I'm gonna call it putting your attention outside of yourself You can call it distraction if you want, but it's most productive when used with specific intent and a willingness to Actually feel the things you feel So the that sort of mechanism of distraction that you might be relying on so strongly right now or so heavily to get you away as an escape or Or a way to somehow drown out how you feel your intention that way is I got to get away from this I can't handle this. I have to stop it right now Whereas in my version or what I would say, you know People in this community who have a theoretical orientation toward anxiety disorder that I do They would also say that a more productive or more adaptive or more healthier And you know orientation toward distraction in that sort of mechanic is to do it with the intent of Bringing the feelings along with you So when I'm in a state, I'll give you example when I am in a state of depersonalization I don't have to quickly run to my phone to turn on YouTube videos and tiktoks to get away from it I will choose to do something that I want to do maybe that's looking at cat videos That could very well be and if you like cat videos by the way, that's fine. I'm not picking on cat videos I like dog videos So if you're doing it with the intent To get away from it that's gonna come and bite you because you didn't learn anything about your ability to handle this You wouldn't didn't learn anything about your ability to navigate through this or tolerate or surrender to it Or whatever words you want to use that come out of our lexicon here But if you have the intent to bring that uncomfortable and scary feeling with you, okay I'm going to go watch this dog video that I really like While I feel the things I'm not gonna try to use the dog video or the song that I like or the scrolling through my Facebook support group to drown it out and make me feel better and save me This is just a thing that I want to do right now And I'm going to do it because a non anxious me would do this and I'm going to bring the feelings with me And I'm gonna allow them to play out which means they might peek this fear might get even worse while I'm doing this But that's okay because in the end the lesson there is I can do other things Other than try to save myself That is a critical lesson in recovery That is a lesson that moves you forward into more a truer or more lasting or durable state of recovery rather than just putting Band-aids on every time you feel things you don't want to feel So when is distraction when is distraction useful in the moment and also helpful in the long run When it comes with the proper intent I'm going to do a thing that I don't think I'm capable of doing right now But I'm gonna do it while I feel this really uncomfortable stuff and I'm gonna just bring that with me and I'm gonna let it play out any way it wants to play out while I do this distracting air quotes thing and That comes only when you've developed a willingness to actually feel the things So this is where things get dicey they get difficult to get unpleasant Distraction will work if you are unwilling to face your fear But it will only work from moment to moment to moment It becomes a band-aid and it gets you stuck in the cycle Distraction can also work if you can cultivate a willingness to actually face the thing you fear Without trying to save yourself and when you do it with that willingness and a new set of intention Then distraction becomes part of the mechanics of learning that you're okay, even when you're sure you're not So this is where distraction gets really Complicated like it's nuanced it's subtle Nobody goes from like that Maladaptive escape running saving distraction technique to a more productive healthy like forward-looking distraction technique in it After listening to this podcast I could talk for another three hours and give you all kinds of analogies and examples and try to make you understand the difference in between You know this intent and that intent and having willingness or not But you have to just be willing to start to try it a different way And over time you begin to develop that new skill set like oh, yeah, I know what I can do here I can just breathe some people will compulsively Meditate as a distraction because they think it gets them away It saves them whereas other people say oh, I can do that thing where I focus on my breath while I'm terrified and I'm going to let that fear peek and go back down while I just breathe see the difference It would look like the same exact activity to somebody looking from the outside, but from the inside It's a very different experience So I try to look you've heard me if you listen to the podcast for any length of time You've heard me use the word surrender because I think it's a really accurate term for describing what we do When we like allow anxiety to peek and then fall we surrender we stop fighting it We stop trying to save ourselves from it when we When we use sort of distraction mechanics or I would say refocusing or engagement mechanics as part of that What we're basically doing is we're developing a sense of active surrender like surrender is not a passive thing and many Sometimes it is sometimes we practice just sitting quietly sometimes depending on the context But surrender can also be an active process. I'm gonna let this thing just drag me down kill me and make me crazy while I Make this iced tea that I want to drink or while I whatever it doesn't matter what you're doing It doesn't really doesn't matter now in that respect and again This is a thing that you figure out over time. Nobody gets this right and Don't get stuck with like am I doing it wrong? Am I doing it wrong? Am I ruining my recovery? But really the things you choose to sort of distract with which I'm going to call Refocus on or engage with start to become things that actually matter to you like now You will latch on to anything Anything any scroll any Instagram any tick that doesn't matter give me something to get away from this But as you develop this skill of be of a more productive form of distraction or re-engagement if you will while afraid You begin to integrate things that matter to you Oh, I'm going to I'm gonna pick this album to listen to because I love this album or at least I used to So I'm gonna put that on while I'm panicking. Oh, I'm going to make this particular lunch because I like that lunch While I'm panicking I'm going to talk to my my best friend that I haven't talked to in three days because I miss her And I'm gonna talk to her while I feel this way See the difference like you start to choose your distraction activities if you will distraction More intentionally because they align with with the life you want as opposed to just being anything to get me out of this That's how you can start to tell that there's a difference also so This is a lot of words to try and explain again one of those sort of complicated recovery concepts that often don't make a whole lot of sense but what I would ask you to take away from this as I tend to wrap it up because I want to I don't want to go too much longer on this is think about How you are using distraction? How are you using it? Are you using it in an urgent frantic escape and saving way right now? Which most people do especially in the beginning of the recovery process. It's okay You're not committing a crime if you do that But ask yourself when I go and immediately pick up my phone and start to scroll through all the anxiety accounts on Instagram when I'm feeling anxious. What am I doing there? Am I trying to get away from this? Am I trying to find some magic words that will make this go away or make me feel better or comfort me? Am I intentionally trying to escape from this because I am unwilling to face it? Well, that's not a very productive form of distraction Instead if you can say well, I'm going to develop a bunch of things that I can do when I feel those things And I'm going to bring them along for the ride and I'm going to allow them to play themselves out And I might not do the best job at the things. I'm trying to engage in I'm not going to be perfect I'm probably going to be stumbly and fumbly and I'm going to make mistakes and it's not going to be pretty But I can show myself that I'm capable Even when I'm terrified. So I'm not really distracting I'm just trying to live my life the best I can While I feel these things and I let them play out to their natural conclusion And that's a big ask because that's a scary it feels like a scary dangerous risky thing to do But that's where the mechanics of distraction really help us in the long run So the first step is examine your intention Look at your willingness if you're still completely unwilling to face these things because you are still of the mindset that no no no I can't possibly face those. You don't understand how it feels drew. It's too much Well, you haven't gotten to that point yet where you're willing to adopt that that you know that change You're not willing to be willing yet and that's okay. Sometimes it takes a while for people to get there But if you have that willingness and you're actually different in your intent when you refocus and engage in outside activities They're outside of your own skin and outside of your own head while you feel all the scary things Then you're you're on the right track and you might stumble from time to time and fault old habits. That's totally fine It's it's in the practice and the repetition. That's where we find our gold here but um, yeah, that's why distraction as popular as it is and as Default as it is for many many people And you remember things like snapping rubber bands or calling a safe person remember when coloring books were huge Adult coloring books a few years back where they were everywhere everywhere. I looked people were like, oh, I have my coloring books And they calm me down You might color because you're an artist or you just like to do that and that's totally fine But for instance, I would urge you if you have a stack of, you know coloring books with you Think about how you're using those I'm going to color this in while I feel like I'm going to die As opposed to I color this in because it makes me feel better And that's nuanced and it's subtle and it's hard to get but Try to start to head in that direction and see where it goes You will find that it makes a difference when you work on it that way as opposed to like I got to get away from this Or i'm going to die. That's that's not cool. That's not a good way to go So there's my uh 24 and a half minutes or whatever it has been on distraction Which is again longer than I thought I would go I'm trying to keep these down around 15 to 20 and I cannot seem to do it Hopefully they're they're short enough for you guys so that I'm not just droning Even though I feel like I'm droning most of the time But that is episode 257 of the anxious truth on distraction in the books I hope you got something out of it and you know it's over because we have Music we have afterglow by my friend ben drake who wrote that song several years ago inspired at least in part By words he heard spoken on this podcast and he's let me use it ever since And I play it at the end of every episode now If you want to know more about ben or find that song afterglow go to ben drake music.com and tell him He said hello if you are listening to this podcast on apple podcasts or Spotify or any platform that leaves you let's you leave a rating and a review I will ask a favor and say please leave a rating five stars if you dig it And maybe take a second to write a review on your favorite podcast platform because that helps other people find this podcast And then we get to help more people Which is why I do this to begin with and if you are watching on youtube like the video leave a comment I promise I will circle back at least twice a week and do youtube comments Maybe uh subscribe to my channel hit the notification bell so you know when new stuff gets uploaded And I think that is it. Hopefully this has been helpful to you. I appreciate you coming spending 25 minutes with me I will be back next week with another podcast episode I don't actually know what i'm going to talk about but I do have a few episodes Topics lined up and if you're not listening to the new podcast disordered with me and josh flecher Go to disordered.fm and check that out. Thanks for coming by this week I appreciate it and remember every step forward you take no matter how small counts So go take a little one today. You'll be happy that you did. See you next week