 Some months ago someone I respect deeply once got into the habit of telling people publicly how much of a good graphic designer I was at other times It would look straight at me and assure me that I was smart and very talented each time We had the opportunity to talk even though I made a mistake about some job He still would commend me before people that I was terrific and he would assure me that I was a smart creative I didn't know what he was doing at the time But his action and encouragement charged me to love myself and appreciate my own skill Even when I didn't feel it was good enough soon enough my confidence grew and each time he gave me a task I found myself surpassing his expectations I enjoyed being around him and somehow he had influenced me to believe in myself Would you give up such persons or treasure them such is the power of influence most times We cannot explain why we struggle in building relationships with people But the reason is often obvious as the Bible says if you must have friends You must show yourself friendly if you must build relationships that are effective and be able to influence people to your thinking You must do it the right way and since its first publication in 1936 Dale Carnegie's book how to win friends and influence people has been the go-to book for everyone who wants to grow in their relationship building techniques Successful people do not underestimate the value of winning people to their side So they spend time grooming themselves on how to attract and influence people in today's video I will be sharing with you lessons we can learn from Carnegie's classic how to win friends and influence people if you're new here Subscribe to this channel, so you don't miss other interesting videos like this one Do not criticize condemn or complain if there is anything I have learned about Influencing people it is that you don't get people to change by criticizing them In fact people resist destructive criticisms in his book Dale Carnegie described how Abraham Lincoln learned this lesson the hard way He had publicly criticized the man and it had almost led to Abraham Lincoln's death Since then no matter how angry he was President Lincoln would never criticize or demean anyone Carnegie writes any fool can criticize condemn or complain and most fools do It takes character and self-control to be forgiven people are repulsed by those who put them down But are apt to run to those who encourage them not flatter them but charge them to be better to be generous with praise I recently completed a project for our company and my boss wrote an appreciation note that got me excited You can imagine how I was willing to do more the next time he asked me to carry out another related project Nothing makes people do more than they intend more than generous praise Carnegie argues in the book that every human appreciates and wants to be praised if God our creator Does much more for us when he is praised you can imagine that humans alike will do more when praised Carnegie uses shrub as an example throughout the book as someone who exemplifies all of the tenets Carnegie preaches Shrob used praise as the foundation of all his relationships in my wide association in life Meeting with many and great people in various parts of the world shrub declared I have yet to find the person however great or exalted in their station who did not do better work and put forth greater effort Under a spirit of approval than they would ever do under a spirit of criticism Three remember their name once I was in a meeting and I remember a man suddenly called out my name in full several months before I had met the man and we had been introduced briefly now I was surprised he could still remember my name and from then on I was taken by him Remembering people's names when you meet them is difficult You usually meet a lot of people so it's challenging But if you can train yourself to remember people's names it makes them feel special and important Carnegie writes Remember that a person's name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language For be genuinely interested in other people people don't care how much we know until they know how much we care One of the ways people respond faster to you is by being genuinely interested in them This is what I have found and which Dale Carnegie has confirmed that people will respond to you when you talk about their Problems then when you talk about your problems. The reason is that people are only interested in themselves However way they may appear modest when you remember people's names ask them questions that encourage them to talk about their interest and passions It makes them believe you like them and so they readily open up to you Someone wrote that you should listen 75% and only speak 25% of the time Carnegie writes you make more friends in two months by becoming genuinely interested in other people Then you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you five know the value of charm Here's the thing most success are not based on talents or skills. They're based on charm They're based on people liking you a person can be talented and highly skilled and yet may have a repulsive attitude and appearance Another may be less skilled have a proper attitude and so much charm and will be liked charm wins over a Certificate all the time because we love to be around people who are charming your certificate may open the door for you But charm social skills and talent will keep you there work to become someone people love being around Be genuinely interested in others. It will open more doors to you Seeks be quick to acknowledge your own mistakes You're not perfect and there's nothing more dangerous than putting up the front that you're perfect people hardly ever forgive those who act Perfectly when they make minor mistakes But when you've let people know you're not perfect by always being quick to admit your mistakes You gain respect and become likeable people will become less defensive and more agreeable when you're humble enough to admit Your own mistakes you must always be willing to take responsibility for your actions because when you do it will help you build stable personal and professional Relationships with people seven don't attempt to win an argument Carnegie writes that you can never win an argument even if you seemingly appear to have won because the other party felt beaten Carnegie writes the best way to win any argument is to avoid it Don't strive to be correct strive to agree Carnegie cited an old saying a man convinced against his will is of the same opinion still Eight begin in common ground when you disagree with a person start on common grounds and move slowly into difficult subjects When you start by being accusatory you may lose ground with subjects on which you agree Nine have others believe your conclusion is their own you cannot force people to believe anything People who influence others always seek to persuade rather than enforce just because you have enforced people Doesn't mean they agree with you a good leader will plant seeds that encourage people to make their own conclusion Instead of claiming people are wrong a good leader will find common ground and persuade them that what they really want is your desired outcome Obviously without telling them that is the case 10 make people feel important people would naturally love you when you always make them feel important when you make efforts to Smell remember people's names give genuine praises Understand their interest and this custom it makes people feel important. This is what winning friends and influencing people is all about This is how you build effective relationships that build your life The premise of all those principles is to have you must give to be loved You must love to receive care you must care if this video inspired you subscribe to our channel. We love you