 So, have you ever wondered what's the right amount of communication to have in a relationship? I've had this question asked of me before in particular when two people are dating. How often should they communicate with each other? And also when two people are in a relationship, how often should they communicate with each other? And I thought that's an interesting question because for each person this is going to be different. So there isn't a one size fits all. Let me just say this. So let's differentiate. Now there's a car alarm went off. So let's differentiate between dating and relationship. Dating is that period of time you're getting to know each other to decide if you're going to be in a relationship with one another. So in this particular case, you know, oftentimes when you meet someone for the first time it's not really a date, it's really a meeting because they're most of the time a stranger. So and then dating happens when you decided you want to start seeing each other on a regular basis. That's kind of what I think of as dating. In other words, you're making plans to see each other on a regular basis and as some people date multiple people at a time, I believe when you start seeing one person regularly then leave it as to one person at a time. So how often should you communicate? Well, this is really tricky because I think ultimately one of the challenges in the dating and in relationship is a sense of feeling trust with another person, feeling safe with another person. And because we oftentimes geographically don't live literally right across the street like it might have been back in the 50s when you met someone in a small town and everybody knew each other, there was a sense of community safety going on. Here we live in a gigantic melting pot and if you're not physically seeing the person on a regular basis, you can might feel emotionally unsafe. But because somebody is doing anything disingenuous, it's just the nature of the dynamic that we live in today. So there's a lot of pressure, a lot of women claim that they're upset with men. This is what I hear. I should say they're upset with men because they're not checking in at night. But I wonder if that's being needy, if that's being dependent on that person for validation and yet at the same time, I can understand why is that because it's still an unsafe dynamic in the dating process. I mean emotionally unsafe and especially if you're having sex with one another. It can feel rather uncomfortable because let's face, a lot of relationships don't work out and most people don't want to enter into a relationship that's going to fizzle out and fade. So I think what's most important in the dating process is to have regular check-ins with each other as it's begin. But I'm also a big proponent that if you're dating each other, there should be some intentionality, especially if you're having sex with one another, to say that we're going to explore an exclusively committed relationship that has some teeth to it. So I'm a big proponent of radical honesty, putting the cards on the table very early on in the dating process because what's the point if you're not going to explore a relationship with one another? I know it for many people it's like don't interrogate someone, just have a good time, it's all about having a good time. You can have a good time all you want, but if you have a good time with one person, another person, another person, another person, all of a sudden you start become disillusioned because it's all about having a good time. Okay, so I want to encourage two people to have conversations with one another about communication. And this is even more important when you're in a relationship with someone. I think it's imperative to get a sense of what the person wants and not from an expectation perspective, from an agreement perspective, both discussing this and having some dialogue. Now, I know a lot of men are less reluctant to want to talk on the phone. I told you this before, men are not necessarily, they don't really bond through the telephone the same way they do doing social activities, hobbies, mutual interests and physical touch, both sexual and just regular physical touch. So, and a lot of men don't want to feel the pressure of having to validate someone's safety, but at the same time, I think it's a very valid thing to want, especially if people, again, are people live far apart, people don't see each other on a regular basis. I think it's important to keep those lines of communication open. But I think the real challenge that happens is most people aren't having deep conversations, real radical honesty and deep conversations. And that's why it creates so much uncertainty that requires this need for constant communication and constant validation. So it's kind of a double-edged sword because they're not having deep conversations from the get-go. These are surface conversations. There's a greater need for continuous communication and validation. And imagine if you can have deeper, rooted conversations right from the get-go, then you're not as dependent upon that constant need for validation and communication. So what's the solution? Well, listen, I've just been laying it out to you. I said, for those of us in midlife, we don't have time to mess around. I think it's time to start. There's a new term called hardballing. And it's just laying your cards on the table, being radically honest with one other. So radical honesty is about going, this is what I want. What do you want? What does commitment look like for you? How do you envision a relationship? Because oftentimes, men aren't thinking about these things. You have every right to ask these questions. And honestly, you're going to see a lot of guys fall by the wayside very quickly because they haven't really given thought. Because if a man genuinely likes you, he genuinely wants to get to know you, he's going to have conversations with you about this. This is why I continually recommend purchasing some of the books I talk about, like eight dates and having the first conversation around commitment before you're physically intimate with someone. These are just some suggestions and recommendations. So you don't find yourself investing in the wrong person or a person who's going to peter out and flake out. Because the reality is, we have a very dysfunctional single population. Now we have a dysfunctional population in general. But a lot of singles are rather dysfunctional and are rather help you weed out those people sooner, rather than later. That's what my private coaching is all about. I think you get the gist of where I'm going. So how much communication is too little, too much? Here's the bottom line. You have to do what's right for you. And more importantly, you have to speak up rather than make assumptions. I mean, ladies, you oftentimes just assume because you want men to be the leaders of the relationship, and then you don't like the way they do it. So you take charge of your destiny by speaking up and asking for what you want, having some agreement, having some dialogue, and seeing if you're on the same page. Is this sinking in? Is this resonating with you? Please let me know. Listen, I'd like to hear your thoughts post a comment below if you have something to add. I'd like to hear about it. As always, if you find value in the group, please tell your friends about Midlife Love Mastery. Send them to my website, jonathanasley.com. Have them click the Group Coaching button so they can join our fantastic group. And I'm going to sign up this video as I always do. First off, give myself a big, gigantic Jonathan Barrett of self love. I'm going to reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's OK. I'm going to ask you to turn to someone, that teddy bear pillow, and give Iter them a hug of love because hugs are a great source of love. And let's face it. We could all use more love in our lives. I want to thank you. Have a great day. Bye now.