 What's going on you guys welcome to the single guys channel my name is Lloyd and today we're going to be talking about a very fun subject and that's what to do if you can't get it up in the bedroom okay this is actually a surprisingly common occurrence especially with the modern era you know I've been doing this dating coaching for some time now and I've seen this happen with a lot of different guys across all you know age groups and it happens usually when you bring home the girl of your dreams ironically you know you bring home this girl even waiting to have sex with the longest time you finally get her home the clothes are coming off things are getting hot and heavy and then you can't get it up and you're just kicking yourself you're like why is this the one time it's happening you know look man like this happens to a lot of guys out there and it's a mental issue okay it's not you don't have any medical conditions going on you don't need to get a prescription from your doctor 99.99% of the time this is a mental issue okay something's going on in your head that's preventing this from happening okay so in this video what I'm going to cover is I'm going to cover how to handle these mental issues that are going on in your head when this is happening to you so you bring home a girl are you you're with a girl that you really like after a date or something and it's getting hot and heavy and you feel like it's not going to happen what should you do to get past this point first thing relax relax dude you're gonna be okay you'll survive the more you start worrying about it the worst it's gonna be because it's kind of like a feedback loop you know you start worrying about it then you don't get hard and then because you're not getting hard you start worrying about it more and then it just kind of feeds into itself you have to stop that cycle okay this has happened to guys before any person who's had sex with a lot of you know who has had a lot of sex in their life it's probably happened to them at least once or twice one of the ways that you could start relaxing is by going into step number two which is focus on your breathing and focus on her breathing as well too in fact I would actually suggest that you try and sink your breath up with her so when she's breathing you're breathing at the same time too now this is gonna bring I actually think this is really really hot you know when you're with somebody your breath is synced at the same time and when you're doing this what it's also gonna do is it's also gonna distract your mind because you're thinking it helps get rid of that chatter once you start focusing on your breath and you breathe in focus on it you're gonna start to eliminate a lot of those voices going on in your head that are preventing your dick from coming in the picture and so also too when you're focusing on her breathing as well it brings a sense of connection between you guys and then a lot of times just by focusing on your breathing alone just by kind of syncing up your breaths not only can make the sex really great but can actually solve a lot of the problems that you're having in the bedroom too so try that and also to focus on a lot of the other aspects that are associated with sex as well and that brings me to step number three which is spend more time on the foreplay too many guys are rushing in because they've seen videos or they've seen stuff in a pornography video or something like that they think things go down a certain way and so they're just thinking about their dick they think that's the most important thing it's not the most important thing the most important thing is having a connection with that person having fun and feeling good with them that's the whole thing and foreplay should be fun it should be part of the whole sexual experience you know I say this on my channel all the time which is like if sex is like a movie penetration is usually like the last 15 minutes but you can't enjoy that last 15 minutes if you fast forward to the first hour and a half of the movie okay women really care about that first hour and a half of the movie and guys you know a lot of times we're just trying to get to the last 15 minutes but if you're nervous as well too you'll really need to focus on that hour and a half as well and chances are if you're with a new person you know you're still trying to figure each other out don't rush into things take time to appreciate her body and also to dude figure out what you like figure out what feels good for you you know it was a while before I actually asked myself that question you know I thought I was supposed to like certain things I thought this was supposed to I was supposed to do it in this way you know things thinking of sex is like some sort of like a test or something like that which is a terrible way to think about it but once I started noticing certain things about myself like for instance I thought that a blowjob was the best thing to get me turned on it's actually not the best thing to get me turned on is actually me being naked with a person and you know rubbing up against them having my whole body feeling that person I just feel a sense of connection to that person a lot more than I do if the girl's going down on me which not that I don't love that blowjobs are freaking awesome but I know the things that turn me on the most when I with someone so ask yourself that question experiment try new things whatever you feel if you're feeling good she's gonna feel good too a lot of times when you first have sex with somebody people are just they're just so nervous and they just don't want to make a bad impression and so you leading the way and you doing the stuff that makes you feel good a lot of times is a good way to go and take time to appreciate parts of her body as well too don't just you know take time to like kiss her bite her neck do all that sort of stuff oral sex is really great too to get yourself into it as well and so don't ignore all of those things don't just skip them to get to that last 15 and I know some of you are wondering how long should I be spending on the four play well I say you should at least aim for 20 minutes some books say 45 minutes I think that 45 minutes that can be a little long for some people but if you aim for 20 you're probably going to end up at around 10 or 8 minutes which is usually the average anyway so aim for 20 minutes and if 20 minutes have gone by and it's still not happening for you you need to start doing step number four which is address the situation okay if it's not happening it's not happening man address it tell her talk to her one of the big parts of this is that you're not comfortable with the person and if there's a lot of stuff left unsaid that you're unsure about well then that's probably the reason why it's not happening for you and as well too like what are you going to do the worst thing that you can do at this point is to pretend like it's not happening try and you know fool her into thinking that you're hard by using your fingers or something like that it's just going to make it really awkward and uncomfortable the best thing that you can do is address the situation and try and discuss it try you know make the best of a bad situation and a lot of times guys what this is going to allow you to do because you're in such a vulnerable spot it's going to allow you to connect with the person at a new level that you never thought you could look there's um women are actually pretty understanding about this you know i've talked to a lot of women and if they like a guy this is not going to be a make or a break type situation for them if they like you they'd like you that the foundations built out before then and sure if you can never sexually satisfy her that's probably going to be a problem and sure too if she's just looking for you know to get laid that night well then she's probably not going to call you back there so you basically missed out on you know 20 minutes of sex with a condom on so it's not that big of a deal what you should do um is talk to her say hey um maybe a way to bring that up um the way i've done it in the past um as i've said hey you know it just takes me a little bit of time to get comfortable with somebody and so like let's just hang out and do some other stuff in the meantime you know maybe you can give her like a little massage and that way you can have some fun doing something else that's also physical but not necessarily uh penetrative sex you can also say something like uh oh you're just super attractive i'm just like really nervous right now so let's just like do something else for a little bit and then see if it works later as soon as you start talking about this a lot of times what will happen is you'll start to relax you'll start to have those nervous feelings they'll go away you've accepted kind of your fate you she's on the same page as you and a lot of times if you start talking about this it starts to help you know the the problems that i've had when it comes to this issue is i've only had it like maybe once or twice with like one person um but i've had it a lot with like group sex type situations like if there's like if i'm out of three some or if there's like another guy in there too like we have like a couple girls and the guy as well like there's just so many moving parts like kind of freaks me out you know especially if i don't know these people very well so what i do in those situations to make myself feel more comfortable is i kind of focus on one girl spend a little bit more time with her talk to her for a little bit uh and then once i'm ready then i go over to the other people you know and if you're with one person you really have to do the things that you need to do to make yourself feel comfortable like your dig is telling you something if it's not getting hard it means it's not comfortable it means it feels like maybe you're gonna be judged or maybe she's she's not really that into you or maybe she's thinking bad things about you or something like that if you talk to them you communicate well and you address the situation a lot of that stuff is going to go away and usually by the end hey it starts getting up so hopefully this helps you guys um uh these are all the tips that i have for you if you do all of these tips this is probably going to solve like 90 of your problems and look this takes time you know you've had these mental challenges in your head these negative mindsets and this you've thought about sex in a certain way for a long period of time one of the things that i think helps a lot too is doing no fap which is where you don't jerk off and don't look at pornography i think a lot of that can help but a lot of times this doesn't completely solve the problem you know people still have the mental things going on uh that are preventing them from really being able to embrace their sexuality and get it up when it comes down time to it you know if i'm ever if i would give a fifth step to this it would be stop thinking about sex as like a test for your masculinity and start thinking about it as something that's just fun between two adults sex is supposed to be fun man you know and you can do a lot of other things that don't involve you giving her the you know the pounding of her life or whatever so focus on those things a little bit too and stop putting so much pressure on yourself communicate with them be more comfortable with the people that you're with you're gonna have a lot better sex you're gonna have a lot more fun sex um and it's gonna make your life overall just a lot less stressful so uh hopefully this helped you guys if you made it and consider subscribing if you do all of these things and it doesn't work for you do shoot me an email i'm pretty sure we can figure it out i coached guys a lot of my students uh i coached through this so if you're interested in my one-on-one coaching program where i help guys have more options when it comes to women taking their dating lives to a new level uh shoot me an email bussingleguy2017 at gmail.com thanks a lot y'all good luck out there