 Welcome, Weirdos! I'm Darren Marlar and this is Retro Radio, old-time radio in the dark, presented by Weird Darkness. Each week I bring you a show from the Golden Age of Radio but still in the genre of Weird Darkness. I'll have stories of the macabre and horror, mysteries and crime and even some dark science fiction. If you're new here, welcome to the show and be sure to subscribe or follow the podcast so you don't miss future episodes. And if you're already a member of this Weirdo family, please take a moment and invite someone else to listen in with you. Spreading the word about the show helps it to grow. If you're here because you're already a fan of nostalgic audio and print, you'll want to email WeirdDarkness at RadioArchives.com. When you do that, you'll get an instant reply with links to download full-length pulp audiobooks, pulp e-books and old-time radio shows for free. That's WeirdDarkness at RadioArchives.com. Coming up, it's an episode from Crime Classics. Crime Classics was a radio docudrama on the CBS radio network which was aired for just one year, from June 15, 1953 to June 30, 1954. The show introduced itself succinctly. Crime Classics, a series of true crime stories from the records and newspapers of every land from every time. And they meant it. The show examined real crimes from as far back as ancient Greece up to the late 19th century. The cases ranged from famous assassinations, like Abraham Lincoln, Leon Trotsky and Julius Caesar, to the lives and often deaths of the likes of Caesar Borgia and Blackbeard, like we'll hear tonight, and the more obscure cases such as Bathsheba Spooner, who killed her husband, Joshua Spooner in 1778 and became the first woman tried and executed in America. And no matter how bizarre the story presented, each episode is based on actual events. Your host each week was Mr. Thomas Highland, connoisseur of crime, student of violence and teller of murders. In reality, though, Mr. Thomas Highland didn't exist. He was simply a character played by actor Lou Merrill, though you'd never guess it just from listening. The character is treated like a real person. The show was produced, created and directed by Elliot Lewis, with the writing of every episode done by Morton Fine and David Friedkin. Now, bolt your doors, lock your windows, turn off your lights and come with me into the weird darkness as we listen to Crime Classics from November 11, 1953, and an episode entitled Blackbeard's 14th wife and why she was no good for him. Good evening. This is Crime Classics. I am Thomas Highland with another true story of crime. Listen. That's a pair of scissors, hand wrought in gold in the shape of a peacock. The young lady who's using them is trimming her husband's beard. The beard has just been washed to get the blood out of it. Four, a few hours ago, out on the bounding main, her husband stabbed a few fellows from up close. And the beard has been perfume, too, to get the gunpowder and sulfur smells out of it, because there's just been a battle. And now the beard is being trimmed before curling, because her husband is very vain about his beard. It is a black beard, which caused some 18th century pundit to dub him Blackbeard. His real name, Edward Teach, a profession, pirate, his wife, Hannah. Hannah's all done. The beard's all ready for curling. Such a good wife. Oh, no, she wasn't. Tonight, my report to you on Blackbeard's 14th wife. Why, she was no good for him. Crime Classics, a series of true crime stories from the records and newspapers of every land and every time. Her host each week, Mr. Thomas Highland, connoisseur of crime, student of violence, and teller of murders. Now, once again, Thomas Highland. The year of 1714. The place is the caribis. Two vessels locked in combat. One flying the skull and bones. The other, the three penited gun full on of the Duke de la San Alban. The very Duke de la San Alban, who boasted to history that his 40 gun vessel La Fung would never be boarded by pirates. Well, it was, wasn't it? And the Duke, he was defending himself against a pirate, Edward Teach by name. And here's what was happening. Teach had just disengaged into the cart line. The Duke parries out. There goes Teach into Valestra. Calculated to throw the Duke of Valence, but the Duke parries. Goes into a doublet. And Mouliné now, lunge, parry, and Teach paints in the advanced one-two lunges. And the Duke goes down without a sound. Which, as you will recall, is the way the Duke swore he would die. So, Edward Teach and his pirates won the prize La Fung, renamed it Queen Anne's Revenge, and sailed disguised as merchant man into Jamaica. Here, in a small waterfront cafe, he made friends. Now, let's drink it toast, the Captain. Hey, I'll make you one. I drink to Captain Edward Teach. To yourself, Captain. The Captain Edward Teach, whose name's going to be known about. What a one you are. You shot my Captain. I'll let what should drunk out again. To Captain Edward Teach. I need me a mate. You'll be mate to Captain Teach. That's how Edward Teach got a first mate. His name was Curf, and you might like to know that later in his career Curf struck out on his own. His own vessel, crew, and Jolly Roger. But Curf, in his very first encounter with the Britisher, got pinned to the mast by a cutlass. So, we know that his period of association with Teach was happier than when he worked for himself. Teach and Curf sailed from Jamaica where they'd met to Nassau. On the way, and they captured the sloop in principle, threw all her hands to the sharks, took aboard her booty, then scuttled her. And in Nassau, on the silver sands of Nassau, when the silver moon was younger than it is now. Oh, it's so silky. You and Curlson. Oh, and beautiful. Some call me Blackbeard. Blackbeard. Well? The name is apt. Hannah. Oh, so silky. How many years have you, Hannah? Enough to let the wisdom in. Of what? Of men. Yes, even men with black beards. Well, none such as mine. None, sir. It is true. How many years have you, Hannah? Actual years. Six and ten. Well, you're wife to me. Such is you, and you have no wife. Here, I have no wife. What else where? Mary, Genevieve, Margo, Prudence, as Molly, Sharon. How many? Thirteen. Thirteen, Hannah. A number which is not lucky. And this is the reason you wish to wife me? Oh, the touch you have with my beard. I'd lonely for it. I'll marry with you. But? But what? This pirating of yours. What of it? You play at it. I'll play. You'll be one of many pirates. Small men with small wants and small names. Do you not wish a large name? Some call me Blackbeard. Then make the most of it. What do you know, Myra? Look, look to me. And? Now fan out your beard. So, and in braids over your ears. So, and punk to light among its silk. And under your hat lighted matches. Oh, what a fearsome thing. What terror could you conjure Blackbeard of Hades? Well? Well, what think you? Ha, ha, ha, ha. I would kiss you. Then do it. Oh, and now I wish, a wish to make. Woman, a wedding wish, that's what. Yes. Then name it. Shall I? It is a star that sends a glimmer on yours. The moon that orbs a silver on dark and sea yours. And the sun that... Oh, poo. What? Poo, I said. I wish none of these. Then what? This island. This nassaw. Ha, ha, ha. What laughter? That you have but sixteen years and such a dream. This island. I want it. And you shall have it. Now. Later. What manner of rapscallions be you two? When my mate has a crazing for an apple, he has no care whose table it is off. Nor yours, the governor's. And I sentence both of you to the gibbet. For eating an apple? For murder. For the murder of my guard. It was the only way we could get to see you. Oh, and what profession do you have? Besides rapscallery, that is. Piracy. What say you? Ha, ha, having finished of the apple, my mate says piracy. And I say it twice. I sentence the two of you to the gibbet. Guards, take these two rags to hang on it. Haste not, governor. Oh. Haste not, because I say. Sing. I am here on an errand of romance. I am here on an errand of beauty. Oh. I have this morning been wed to a girl of ten and six. Hmph. I fight back the salty tears. You will weep. Make me weep, condemned man. Aye. This girl of ten and six, she wishes a wedding gift. How like a maiden? She wishes this island, this city, and all that's in it. Then I will instruct Hangman to hang thee by a rapid method, he knows, so thy bride cannot ask thee for the world. Just this island. And she will have it. Oh. Oh, indeed. If my calculations are correct, what say you mate? Take these clowns and... What is this? Go to the window and you will see it, governor. Four sloops, there are reviewers in the harbor. They will die there. My vessel, Queen Anne's, revenge. And the men that's on will sink your ships and block your harbor. And hold captive your city. Say ho, governor, so long as your mouth is open, say ho and believe it. I'll get you to the window and look. The governor then gave apples to everybody. Everybody except Edward Teach. Him, he gave the Bahama Islands. It was a good thing too, else Nassau would have been put to the torch. All the pirates enjoyed this state of affairs very much. No wonder. Let us look in on a typical week in the life of Blackbeard's pirates. Monday, leave Nassau and pick up the trade winds. Straddle the Gulf Stream some place and wait for a prey. Then... Then... I can't let Charlie run! Then... Hand me my beard and hair matches. Then, how do I look? Terrifying, the French will quiver in their silk. And then... And Blackbeard never lost a fight. True, some of his men would get killed and have to be given to the sea, but the survivors never had it so good. Like his not, they were back in Nassau by Friday night and there were welcome arms to greet them with Caribbean potuses to soothe their wounds. And on Saturday night, what they liked to do best was pay homage to their leader. I give you Captain Edward Teach. I give you Blackbeard, whose name is known about. They love you so much, Edward. And this place. It's a pity. What is? Walk with me, Edward, outside a while. Yes. I said, Edward, that it's a pity. And I ask, what is? That we shall leave here soon. About these six months. Did you notice that less and less ships appear? Ah, eh, that is so. But this, there are many ships along the Carolina coast. Eh... And so? Many ships which carry provisions and stores to the colonies and many ships bearing riches back to Europe in return. You're a bright-tuckling. Good wife to you. Aye. I indeed. Wait. Wait? Will we do it? Will we go to the Carolines? But Nassau, this I gave to you and hardly have you used it. I've used it enough. Now the Carolines. If you wish it. I wish it. Yes. Good wife. Oh, silky beard. Curlsome silky black beard. They sailed a week later and the night before they disembarked on the shores of North Carolina, black beard and his pirate crew gave Mrs. Blackbeard a party on her birthday. She was ten and seven. You are listening to crime classics and your host, Thomas Highland. Dramatic actors play comedy roles, comedians interpret the drama. This Friday night, a CBS radio stage truck uses that exclusive theatrical paternity of the players. Participants will be Franklin P. Adams, Gene Hirschhoff, Jimmy Cagney, Ray Bolger, Bobby Clark, Charles Coburn, Cedric Hardwick, Bert Larr, Charles Lawton, and hosts more of the players. It's Friday night on CBS Radio's stage truck. Now heard half an hour later on most of these same stations. Now once again, Thomas Highland and the second act of crime classics and his report to you on Blackbeard's 14th wife. Why, she was no good for him. I would like to say a few words about governors. New World governors vintage early 1700s. First of all, I would like to say that many of them had brothers in law back in England at court. Connections. Or else they had won an important battle. Or took part in an important scandal. Or they were just fellows who the King or Queen didn't want in the old country anymore. Some of the colonial governors of this era were wise and intelligent administrators. But others were cheaters. That is thieves. That is they stole their colonies blind. Let us then look in on a scene. The governor of North Carolina and Edward Teach, Pirate, standing in the reception room of the governor's mansion with their arms about each other's shoulders. I, uh, here they call you Blackbeard. Yes. I hear you stick lighted matches in your beard and in your hair. Yes. Just don't do it when I'm around. Just don't go to sea, Governor. Why should I? It's good here in North Carolina, isn't it? Oh, better. Since you surrendered to me, the people cheer me when I walk the street. And they cheer me too, since you issued the writ granting amnesty to me and my men. It's a good feeling. Worth a thousand gold pieces you paid me? My wife said you would have been satisfied with 500. How is your wife? Very good. She was right. Pirate. Governor. Call me pirate again. Pirate. Sea robber. Swashbuckler. Listen. Yes? Let's conspire. Again? Again. Good. The men are wrestlers, they're grumbling. Oh. They want to go to sea again. And they want a good fat gallant plunder. Yes. The vessel Angelhead is due to arrive about a week from now from Portsmouth. Carrying what? Sugar, gold, silt, and two ladies from the court. A week from now? Yes. And Captain Teach. The two ladies from the court. One of them is Lady Barbara Faulner. You must know why she's leaving England. As I heard. Well, it's true. Every word of it. And Captain. Aye. Of the rest of the booty. Fifty percent. Like always. Like always. I'll walk with you to the door. Blackbeard went immediately then to the den where his pirates were grumbling and told them the news. They stopped grumbling, hailed him a merry, merry, merry lad and sharpened their cutlasses. A few days later they put to sea and... The results of which, sugar, gold, silt confiscated, two ladies of the court never heard of again, and the ship Angelhead put to the torch. This was just about the way things went. A chat with the governor. The ship lost Flores from Lisbon. Doing a fortnight, Captain. Tell the boys. Put to sea and... Then... Half for you, Governor. Half for me. And once after a particularly successful sortie. Half for you, Governor. Half for me. Tonight we shall have a ball. Good. Bring your wife. I will. Blackbeard. Yes. Would you care to meet him? Well... My husband's a big man and a strong man. Are you frightened to meet him, Lieutenant? I would very much like to meet your husband. Where is he? He... He was standing there a moment ago, speaking with the governor's lady. Then another time. Come. We will look for him. Really? Come. Very well. But that was your husband who we saw pass us, and go toward the... Hush. Why did you not call out to him then? Hush. Really? Vend me. Really? Yes. Very well. Off to your cheek. Soft beardless. Your husband's beard is truly magnificent. It reeks either a battletar or a perfume. I cannot stand it. Really? Really. Mrs. Teach. If you say it softly, you may say Hannah. Hannah? Just so. How many years have you? Ten and eight. I have twenty and one. You've been to me again the softness of your cheek. I want to. Oh, so young. As you are young. Hold me. I want to. Hannah? Yes. No, what I mean is, where does your husband hide his ship? What? I am curious of it. Where does he hide his ship? On the province of Friendship, the third in the middle of the river. Why? I was curious of it. Do you have a curiosity? About all things. About me? I hate the governor of North Carolina. Of course you do. I listened to Mila Tannemainad. Before I was governor of Virginia back in England, do you know what he did to me? Well, I heard that. You heard. How did you hear? The governor of North Carolina, he tells everyone. I hate him. And he shall have his due. Yes. When word gets back to England, that his river harbors the notorious pirate Blackbeard. Then that the governor shares the pirate's booty. All I need is two sloops, Governor. Then you shall have them. And a reward. What reward? Bring me the head of Blackbeard and name your reward. Really? Really. Thank you, Governor. Anna. Yes, Edward? I'm tired. You don't look well, Edward. I mean, I'm tired of this life. A piracy of slaughter. Come to the bow of the ship. I want to show you something. Look there. And to see what? The land. What of it? The governor has promised me all the land from my vessel at anchor as center and ten miles in radius out from it in the form of a circle. What do you think? Oh, you're tired, Edward. You're somehow older. Yes, me older. Your beard. What of it? Gray. Where? Here. Here and here. What? What? What was that? This is what happened. Maynard's two sloops closed on Blackbeard. One on each side of teacher's vessel and the three ships were held together by grappling hooks. And it was a furious sight. There was not one man on either side who did not receive some mark who did not add some of his blood to the slippery decks. Then Blackbeard was boarded amidst a hail of grape shot in which Blackbeard received three pellets in his leg. Maynard found the pirate leaning against the main mist, shot him, and the men fell back to watch their captain's duel. It was a wonderful duel and it lasted over an hour. And toward the end of it, Blackbeard took a two-blade, then advanced in Konad-e-sis-katsis. Teacher Parryd then performed a striking mononay and lunged into the cart line. Lunged and slipped. Slipped, he had on his knees, Parryd Maynard once, quiet, but the third time... And Teacher was dead and the duel was over. And so was the battle where Blackbeard's men had no heart for it anymore. Lieutenant Maynard, having declared himself victor and new master of Blackbeard's boat, went below into the pirate's quarters. Hannah. Oh, my darling. Get up, Hannah. Oh, bend your cheek to me. I don't want to. What? Come on, Deck, Hannah. For what reason? Wife of a pirate and his sperm. For what reason do you want me on Deck? To be hanged. Really? Upon my word. And this is what Lieutenant Maynard did to the Teach family. He wrecked it. He hanged Hannah Teach off Edward Teach's head. The head he mounted on the prow of the ship and sailed it proudly into Roanoke Harbor, tacking beautifully in such a manner that the Blackbeard of Edward Teach streamed gracefully on the soft evening wind. A gull soared down to have a look, but when it saw what it was, it screamed and flew away. In just a moment, Thomas Highland will tell you about next week's crime classic. Blackbeard's 14th wife, tonight's crime classic, was adapted from the original court reports and newspaper accounts by Morton Fine and David Friedkin. The music was composed and conducted by Bernard Herman, and the program is produced and directed by Elliot Lewis. Thomas Highland is portrayed on radio by Lou Merrill. In tonight's story, William Conrad was heard as Teach, Betty Harford as Hannah, and Alistair Duncan as Maynard. Featured in the cast were Ben Wright, Joseph Kearns, Richard Peele, and Simon Speaking. Here again is Thomas Highland. Next week, Camelot, England, in the year 600, in the Troubles caused by Guinevere, who was married to Arthur, and loved by Lancelot. My report to you will be on the Triangle on the Round Table. Thank you. Good night. America's favorite teenage rage, Junior Miss, now brings us her haphazard adventures every Thursday evening on most of these same stations. That makes her a perfect listening companion to Millie Bronson, heroine of CBS Radio's wacky Thursday night series titled Meet Millie. In moving to Thursday evenings, Junior Miss also keeps company with Ray Milland of Meet Mr. McNuttley comedy thing. Tomorrow night, don't miss Milland with a teenage problem of his own, in the shapely shape of visiting niece and her strange young swan. Tomorrow night, at the star's address. Here the American way, starring Hollis Hite Thursday night on the CBS Radio Network. Thanks for listening to this week's Retro Radio, Old Time Radio in the Dark. If you haven't done so yet, be sure to subscribe or follow the podcast so you don't miss future episodes. And if you like the show, please share it with someone you know who also loves Old Time Radio and Pulp Audio. If you want to hear even more, drop an email at weirddarknessatradiorchives.com and get an instant reply with links to download full-length Pulp Audio books, Pulp E-Books, and Old Time Radio shows absolutely free. That's weirddarknessatradiorchives.com. I'm Darren Marlar. I'll see you next time for Retro Radio, Old Time Radio in the Dark.