 Today we're starting a series that will be called Relationship Goals. I constantly correct people when they hashtag relationship goals and I tell them that someone's marriage shouldn't be your goal, they should be your guide. Because you're putting a ceiling if you're making them your goal. Come on somebody, amen? And so we need to make our guide not our goal. But because it's a culturally acceptable term today, we decided to name this series this way. Today the message is going to focus to all the singles. So for those of you who are married, please don't walk out yet. This is, you can take some notes for your single friends and send them that. Today is going to be incredible. We're going to talk about a message that will be called Dating Without Fornicating. Come on, come on, amen? So let's open our Bible to Genesis chapter 2 and the reason why I want us to go to Genesis by looking at the example for the single people and for dating. The reason I want to go to Genesis is because if you are looking for a good example of how to find a spouse in the Bible there's really bad examples in the Bible. Bible is the word of God but it has some bad examples. For example, the way David found a wife is he killed 100 something people. Don't do that or you will get a wife and also prison sentence. You know, other guys they had a beauty pageant, you know, and you don't have the money for that and stuff. So there's a lot of ways in the Bible of how people found spouses that just won't work for us in the this century. But when Jesus was asked the question about divorce, Jesus made a reference to Pharisees and he says in the beginning it was not so. Meaning we get our clues of how God's blueprint for relationships and our life from the Genesis before the sin came in. You don't want to get the clues from Solomon because you're going to end up having multiple wives and we'll go to jail for that. We want to get our clues from the beginning, first few chapters of the Bible. Is everybody with me? So we go to Genesis chapter 2 and in Genesis chapter 2 verse 20 it says the following. I want us to read together on the count of three, one, two, three. So Adam gave names to all cattle to the birds of the air and to every beast of the field. But for Adam there was not found a helper comparable to him. And the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall on Adam and he slept. And he took one of his ribs and closed up the flesh in its place. Then the rib which the Lord God had taken from man he made into a woman and he brought her to the man. Amen. Your scriptural reading for today is done. Awesome. For those of you who didn't do Bible reading plan today, you already did it with us together. Hallelujah. Amen, amen, amen. I'm going to share with you three points that will deal with people who are in relationships or about to go into relationships. The first one is, before we go there, in the beginning before Adam was introduced to his wife, Adam first was introduced to God. And he was placed in the Garden of Eden. So before you find a wife you have to find your master. Somebody say master. Means you have to have a relationship with God. Adam knew his master. And Adam was in the garden. So not only you have to have a relationship with God, you got to be planted in the local church. See many people go around looking for a spouse and in the Bible some men found their wives by the well. And if you're not careful and you're not planted in the garden of God, you might find your wife at the wrong well. Are you with me? And so Adam had a relationship with God. It's interesting because Adam had no church and Adam had no pastor. But Adam had a voice. He knew the voice of God and he had the presence of God in his life. And so the most important thing about our Christian life is that we have to first get anchored in our God. Because if you're not anchored in God, you will always want your spouse to take the place of God. You will want them to love you unconditionally. You will want them to be with you always to heal you, to fix you. And you will quickly realize there is a God and his name is not your spouse. And that's why it has to be a relationship with God. Come on somebody. Secondly is after Adam had a relationship with God, Adam knew his mission. Before a woman came on the scene, Adam had a job, J-O-B. No money, no honey. The challenge we have in our generation is we have a lot of people looking for spouses who are unemployed. And using their parents' plastic to pay for dates. Or asking the girl to, hey, could you cover a wife? Just currently no job. No job, no dating. And you don't have to have the best job in town. You don't have to have your dream job. Adam was actually tending the garden. So if you're mowing the lawn, you're just like Adam. No shame in that. It's a job. It pays for bills. And you're working. Amen. And the lady, never be embarrassed of somebody who works hard. Because you've got to be after a man, not after his wallet. Gold diggers. I have an uncle, and my uncle is very wealthy. And he was interested in this particular young lady. And he knew that he wasn't sure about if she was interested in him or interested in what she might discover that he has. And he has money, a lot of money. And instead of going on a date in a fancy restaurant, he pulled in on this beaten up rig and asked her to go to McDonald's. She like, you know, flipped out, walked out, and she never knew. She had no idea who this guy was. But because she was judging him based on what he came and what he, and I don't recommend you to go on the first date to McDonald's. Come on. You know, it's just because the girl is, she's a health freak. She's not going to go there. Not because of the money, it's because of your health decisions. But the point being is that you've got to be a person after the person, not after their resources or after their money. And as a man and as women, we have to be the ones that we first prioritize our mission. We prioritize our career after God. Jesus never called somebody to follow him who was sitting doing nothing and looking for a job. He always called men who were already fishing, a guy who was already doing taxes, people who were already doing something. One of the reasons young people fall into a lot of sin is because they have too much free time on their hands. You will see one thing is that the reason why David fell into adultery is that David woke up in the evening when he was sleeping all day. And Joseph, the Bible says he went into the house of purified to do work. That's why he had no time to mess around with sin because he was busy. Come on somebody. So Adam knew his master. Second one is Adam had a mission. And the third one is Adam met his mate. It means that's when God provided to him a help mate. And someone that supported him. And also they were partners together in what God called them to do. And so as we are looking today at how Adam found the person that he was with, I want us to notice few simple insights into that. Number one, if you need to date, then you're not ready for date. You are ready to date when you don't need to. Now, I want you to notice this about Adam. Is that when Adam was so deep in the presence of God, that it was God who came to Adam and told Adam, it's not good for you to be alone. It wasn't Adam who came to God and say, God, I'm lonely. It was God who came to Adam and says, Adam, you're alone. And Adam, I could imagine, replied back to God. He said, what does that mean? God, I don't understand. Are you trying to get rid of me? I've been enjoying our walks together every day. God, I enjoyed the Garden of Eden. And you're saying that, God, what are you trying to say? God says, Adam, we've been enjoying our time together by Adam. You need someone in your life. God wants you to be so lost in him, that he has to tell you you need to get married. Come on, somebody. Or your parents, or your pastor, or your mentors. If you are 14 years of age or 15 years of age and you're over there, you're praying and fasting, God send me a boyfriend? You need deliverance. You need revival. You need to pray and fast. You need to go in God first. Come on, somebody. Are you with me? You have to be so lost in God that the other person has to look for God to find you. Not to the club. Not to Christian singles ready to mingle.com. But they have to go to God to find you because you're so lost in God. Adam was so lost in God that God was enjoying time with Adam. And he said, Adam, I really love this thing that we have going. But dude, you need a life, bro. You need someone else in your life. I want to break a stereotype over our mind. And the mind that some people have, it's set up by religion. That if you get close to God, God will never let you have fun. Religion teaches that God is anti-love. God is anti-fun. God is anti-romance. God is one of those. He's like this jealous boyfriend. The closer you get to him and he consumes everything around you. He's like, I'll take this. I'll take this. I'll take this. Why? I saw how you looked at that. I'll take it. Give it to me. God is not like that. God is a generous God. Jesus came to give life and more abundantly. Not take, steal and kill and destroy. He's a good God. Can somebody say a man? I struggled with this idea when I was younger because every time I heard the testimony, it almost felt like always that people shared that the closer I got to God, the more he took from me. And I was like, man, I want to be careful with God. I don't want to get too far. I don't want to get too close because I do want to get married one day. I do want to drive a nice car one day. I do want to, you know, I do want to have few little things, but the Bible doesn't teach us this. The Bible says that if you're willing and obedient, you will eat of the good of the land. God has your best interest. God is not against you. Are you with me? What God is against is not love, but lust. And many times we who are not mature in relationships don't know the difference between love and lust because lust is the devil's substitute for love. And love and lust from aside can actually look the same just like water and alcohol, but they taste different. Love and lust might even feel similar, but they have different effects and they have different results. I'm going to read to you the difference is that lust is selfish. Love is sacrificial. Lust seeks isolation. See, lust loves sneakiness, sneaking out, hiding. Lust loves to find things that, make sure nobody finds this out because you know that this is wrong. Lust loves the forbidden things. Love loves community. Lust forces sex. Lust forces sex. Love initiates marriage. Lust will say, if you love me, you will. Love will say, if you love me, you'll get a job by a ring, put a finger, put a ring on the finger and take me to the altar. Come on somebody. Lust hurts. That's why people cry. They get heartbroken. Love, it heals. Lust does not last. Love grows with time. Lust is like a gasoline, you pour over something. Big flames. In 60 seconds, nothing. Like Eminem, he loved Tamar. He loved her so much, he got sick. Love never will make you sick. Remember that lust will. And then when he finally took her virginity, he raped her because that's what lust does. Lust forces sex. See, in our generation, there is the hashtag me too movement. You know the root cause of that movement. You know what the root cause of all the victimizing of the women and all the rapes and all the molestation in our generation is lust. How much stuff is never even, people never even had the audacity to share. We're so happy for those who are finally coming out and saying this is what's going on. But the root of that is lust because lust forces things. And lust hurts. And the Bible says that that man, lust, it doesn't last. And that man, after he took the virginity of Tamar, the Bible says he hated her with greater hate than he loved her. How could you go in one hour loving somebody so bad that you got sick to hating somebody that you couldn't stand them? Because love grows, lust goes like this. Are you with me? Lust gets punished, love gets rewarded. Why am I sharing this? Because if relationship is based on lust, that relationship will not last. Are you with me? And that's why many people in our generation, they need to, in order to find what love is, you don't look for a boyfriend and you don't look for a girlfriend. You look for somebody who stretched his hands on the cross because that is what love is. That's where you find love. When you're living in lust, you will look for love in all the wrong places. Relationship is not a place you find love. It's a place you share love. And you typically will attract somebody just like you're looking for love. It's like both of your people who are $20,000 in debt and you're looking for a miracle. Both of you are not going to fix each other. You're only going to be a problem to each other. But when you find God, when you find His presence, when you find inner healing, when you go through deliverance, when you go through counseling, when you go through mentorship, something happens. You become so whole inside. You become cured inside that now you don't go into marriage trying to fix something. You go into marriage to be a blessing to someone. Many people are looking for a relationship what only can be found in a rehab. Some people are looking in romance what only can be found in deliverance. Some people are looking in marriage what only can be found in counseling and inner healing. Oh, He makes me whole. Are you nuts? Are you crazy? It's because you don't know them. The moment you get to know them, He won't make you whole. He'll reveal your holes inside. He'll drive you crazy. Why? Because relationships will make you holy before they make you happy. They'll expose stuff. They don't fix stuff. If they would fix stuff, God will never send Jesus on the cross. He will send you and me. Are you with me? And we have to understand is that if you are hurting, if you've been abused, if you grew up without a father, if maybe you got hurt in your past or maybe you've never been affirmed your self-esteem has not been built and fostered, you are bleeding. And dating is like a sea full of sharks. Don't go swimming if you're bleeding. Get healed first. Because you will always attract a shark instead of a health mate. And many people say, well, why is this all the wrong boys are being attracted to me? Are you bleeding? Because sharks smell blood. But the good men and good women, they also discern because you attract you. You don't attract how you dress. You attract who you are. And therefore we need healing first before we need dating. Otherwise we'll look in dating what only Jesus, counseling, mentorship and deliverance can provide. Can I get an amen in this house today? When many people settle for less than what God has prepared for them and I do not want to by any means discriminate against anybody or to tell them that there are people that are not really good or second class. The main thing is that there are people who sell themselves cheap in a relationship. And this is why, because you can't have high standards with low self-esteem. One of the reasons, and some of you are married like, man, I wish somebody would have told me that earlier. Sit there tight. Don't look at your spouse right now. Just look right at the front. Everything is going to be okay. Next week we'll fix the marriage issue. Today we'll just expose stuff. When you have a low self-esteem, you tend to sell yourself always cheap. Amen? If your car is salvaged, you can sell it for the same price. There's someone who has exactly the same car who has a clean title. When in your mind, not outside, not how you look, not your degree, not your experience, but inside, if you feel salvaged, rebuilt, second class, you will always sell yourself short. You will always settle for anything that comes along. Why? Because nobody is going to marry me. Get rid of the stinking thinking, get rid of the salvaged title from the glove box of your mind. And feel yourself that I'm a new creation. I can do all things through Christ. I'm fearfully and wonderfully made. I am made by God. And my daddy is the king of the universe. Come on, somebody. Hallelujah! Hallelujah! Thank you, Jesus. Number two, I want us to write down, not only that we need to be healed before we date, but secondly, you will wait for God to bring the right person, or you will wait for God to change the wrong person you choose. So let's go back to Adam. Not only Adam waited for God to tell him that he needed to find a spouse, but secondly, when God sent him on the mission of a spouse hunting, there was no websites eHarmony was not invented at the time yet. There were options. Adam had very limited options. And God sends him on the assignment to name the animals in hopes that Adam might find something that looks close to him and something that he might like. So Adam went around naming all the animals, you know, big animals, small animals, and at the same time he was looking out for someone that might match him. And the closest thing that Adam found that matched him was a monkey. Aren't you glad Adam didn't bring monkey to God and say, God, I know the best we could find, but you're the God of miracles. Fix this. Never date someone you're hoping for God to fix. If you're already hoping, but I love him, he's so funny. He's so like, he's so billed. But did you see his car? Did you see the muffler? But she's so hot. I mean, she was the cheerleader. She's so popular. Did you see how many followers she has on Instagram? She got a PhD. She got masters. I know she's smoking. I know he's on drugs. I know he's sleeping with other women, but listen, but God, we see he's the God of miracles. He can move the mountains. Missionary dating is popular, but it's not scriptural. He's the Lord to convert. He can do the converting himself. You don't have to do that. If you are hoping for God to fix that person, this is a red flag already. It's not from God. Adam could have done that. Adam could have brought an animal to God. A monkey said, God, there's just few more classes, a little hair removal, and just few plastic surgeries, and this will be a perfect made. Adam says, you know what? I can do this, my amazing God. He can bring someone who already he worked on. Not someone that I need to hope for him to change. Are you with me? In the Bible, 1 Corinthians 7 verse 39 says the following, a wife is bound by the law as long as her husband lives. But if her husband dies, she is at liberty to marry she is at liberty to be married to whom she wishes only in the Lord. I want you to see the teaching of the New Testament about how to find a spouse, how liberal, and how freeing this is. Paul is saying that if, and this doesn't just apply to a woman who lost her husband, this applies also to single people. You are at liberty. Somebody say liberty. You are at liberty to marry whomever you wish. It's interesting. Paul didn't say whoever God chooses for you. God doesn't choose for you. God presents and you choose. And to have this idea that there is that one special person, do you know who that one special person, the one you marry. I just want to not miss that one. I just want to come to God and say, God give me the best Christian girl. It's like coming to a father who has six daughters and say, could you give me your best daughter? He's going to slap you. He's going to say all of my daughters are the best. Amen. So when you come into God and you say, Lord, give me the best one. Remember, the rest of them are also his daughters. So he's not happy about the fact that you're discriminating against the rest of them. And God is saying you are at liberty to marry. And this is what the father who has six daughters will tell you, he says, that's not every one of them is special to me but which one do you like? So God is saying you are at liberty to be married to whom you wish. As long as it's opposite sex and this is the second prerequisite. Only in the Lord. Not Republican Party. They believe in God. Muslims believe in God. Everybody believes in God. In the Lord, meaning it has to be not only that they believe in God they have to follow Jesus Christ. And so I want you to see that God makes it a rule for us as believers and this is not discrimination against other faiths. This is actually respect to other faiths. Because if you are here today and you're not following Jesus Christ and maybe you have somebody that you're dating or you're liking who is a Christian I'm going to disclose a secret that I want you to know. They like you, but they're praying for you. They're believing for your deliverance. They're believing for your eyes to be open and you for you to sign up for prayer line. They're secretly putting you on prayer lists. Every kind of prayer list they can get so you will really genuinely get saved. I know you think they're really into you. No, they're into the kingdom of God and they want to use you for you to get there too. You're a project. Leave your Christian date. Drop them like a hot potato. Because it's not fair for Christians and non-Christians to date. Why? Because it's not fair. You're pulled in different directions and God is not discriminating against unbelievers. He just simply says it's not fair for them. It's not fair for you. Choose someone in the Lord. Will they come to church? You know, I've been going to Starbucks for so long I has never really been made into a karma macchiato. Coming to church doesn't make you a Christian in the Lord. Are they in the Lord? Come on somebody. I want you to see what apostle Paul is saying. In 2 Corinthians 6 he says, For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness and what communion has light with darkness. And Paul is underlining the same thing is that for a believer and this is why Adam, he did not hook up with the monkey or the donkey or the elephant or the snake or some other crazy animals because he's like, you know what, we're not comparable. I know God can do the surgery but I also know that God doesn't need me to make foolish mistakes. The same God who can change them is the same God who can bring me someone who is changed. Come on somebody, amen. I want to just right now show you 6 signals, red flags that you have to pay attention to avoid ending up with someone who is not comparable to you. One of the biggest mistakes is when you start dating without getting over your ex. You typically are going to make a wrong decision any time you're going into the relationship with someone and you didn't take at least 12 months for separation emotionally and with your heart to disconnect completely. One of the biggest mistakes people make when the relationship ended and things didn't work out they right away look for a band-aid to put a healing on that hurting heart and they go to the next relationship. In reality they're not looking for love they're looking for healing and so the person that you might be dating is actually you're not dating them you are their band-aid until they truly recover and when you recover you usually throw away the band-aids and they dump you the same way they dumped you otherwise because they needed you during the healing and you get hurt you're like man but I thought they loved me they were hurting and you were so insecure because you have nothing going on in your life so you were really like oh they need me makes me feel good your identity is not supposed to be in the fact you need it but in the fact you're loved by God come on somebody do not get disconnected right away when the relationship ends that does not mean the strings are detached it takes minimum from 6 to 12 months for your emotions to bounce back most of wrong relationships I've seen and you will witness and if you've ever made a mistake you will find out this rule was broken people break up and two months later they quickly go into some other relationship instead of taking time to pause what went wrong to pause and to ponder so that their heart gets healed so they don't go into a band-aid but they go into something that God called them to do number two is when you date someone who believes in God but they don't follow Jesus Christ believing in God is not enough demons believe in God and they're still going to hell and they not only believe in God the Bible says they tremble the person you're dating don't even tremble they just believe in God so it's better to date a demon because demons at least tremble but you don't want to date a demon you want to date somebody that God has for you are you with me and for that to happen as a Christian not only do they believe in God do they follow Jesus Christ a statistic says that a divorce is sliced in the half for those people who have these three things in common they go to the same church together they share the same theology meaning if you believe he's speaking in tongues they believe he's speaking in tongues because if they believe in miracles and the other one doesn't believe in miracles you're going to have friction so they have same theology so divorce rate is completely different for those who go to the same church who believe in the same theology and thirdly they practice their faith outside of the walls of the church on Sunday and alcoholico on Saturday but they're practicing their faith and there are many Christians who do the same thing they come on Sunday ah Jesus and they do exactly same moves on the club on Friday that's not, you're going to fall into the same statistic as the world because you're no different than the world the only difference you just put a spiritual makeup and a cover on but you're a fake Christian but when you marry a genuine believer and you are a genuine as well and these three things are in place the relationship is not going to be like the rest of the relationship even in church because you go under the lordship of Jesus Christ can somebody say amen how to avoid ending up with the wrong person the third one is when you ignore your gut your gut, when your gut tells you to oh okay let's just focus on the number three then when you expect a marriage to fix the person I already kind of mentioned that how to avoid ending up with the wrong person is to don't and don't marry someone don't even date someone that you're hoping will change after you get married and guys can be such liars I will change I'll stop dealing drugs just get married to me listen if they never stop dealing drugs because of Christ you are not Jesus they'll never stop doing anything for you the only reason I'm looking at porn is because I don't have intimacy in my life but when we get married I promise porn will be out of the window the reason why you look at porn is because you're looking at porn period the only reason why I'm still doing this I'm hanging out with my old friends is because I'm never marry someone who promises to change a side note marriage don't change people marriage reveals people if the person you are with has a messy car they can only change temporarily so that you will go on a date with them but when you marry the car will be more messy than you ever seen in your life they will drive worse than they ever drove in their life because now they got you they don't have to pursue you they can relax and be who they are whom you thought they'll change are you with me? number 4 when your God tells you this is not right when you are in a relationship and you have no peace about it and your God says run not after them from them and there's one thing about your peace and your heart and your consciousness you can shut people down you can block people on your phone you can never go to your parents house because they're reminding you that you're making wrong decisions you can switch churches because you know that the pastor doesn't approve that you're doing what you're doing you can do whatever you can run from everyone you can run from yourself and see and God uses your spirit and your conscience as a communication point the spirit of a man is a lamp of the Lord means if God wants to get the message across he gives you no peace he creates tension that's why I tell single people pay attention to your tension because it's the way God might protect you it's the way that God might guide you in your relationship don't ignore your conscience don't ignore the fact that you don't have peace about it but everything looks right but it feels wrong and the women's pastor they got that feeling worked up so good if a woman says that you can expect trouble I would encourage you here follow your intuition if your intuition is submitted to the Holy Spirit now if your intuition is not submitted to the Holy Spirit then submit it to the Holy Spirit because if you follow your God but your God doesn't follow your God then you will end up in a rut are you with me the Bible says don't follow your heart why? because our heart has to be submitted to God we follow God but God uses sometimes our heart to communicate to us I know all process that you have to follow your heart and because I'm following the Lord He's able to communicate to me by taking away my peace so that I could pause and ponder and see could it be a different way that I might go are you with me? number 5 how to avoid ending up with the wrong person is that when your mentors don't support you in this now there are mentors in your life and there are tormentors in your life I'm not talking about the haters right now I'm talking about the people who love you who really care for you and you meet with them people that you respect people that are not just going to be like whoever says they will agree with popular opinion but they will tell you the truth even if you don't like it they are not winning your approval they know that they already won that and they will give you the feedback they won't reject you for that they will just simply say if they say I just this is the time to go praying fast they might be seeing something you don't they might be seeing something you will only see 6 months after you got married and you realize maybe it's too late you gotta pay attention the bible says in a multitude of counselors there is safety I know some people here you watch too much of Romeo and Juliet and so we have this thing where in our culture where the more people are against this the more romantic it is the more sexy it is because we watch so much Hollywood that's where your love is let me tell you something about relationships that everyone is against when everybody starts being for it is when you lose the love because that love is not based on each other it's only based on the fact you are in a position to everyone and that's where that love is I've seen relationships where they die the day everyone stops being against them because the only to defend that love is the fact that you had to fight against the world and the moment you don't have to fight against the world you have to fight against each other a gentleman that was getting married here won't mention his name and when he was a teenager he had few infatuations with some people that his mentors were not supporting, well the Lord wasn't supporting his mentors were not supporting he wasn't even in support of that he just was a little bit infatuated but he was obedient to the Lord and he didn't pursue any of those relationships they were not good for him and then finally a time came and he was pursuing this person and they were about to get married and I remember he told me something that stuck with me he said this feels weird and I said how so I was like are you getting cold feet? he said no no no he said nobody's against me I was like it's because you're not in high school I was like because you're not trying to go against the world he's like is this normal that like the pastor is for it that the parents are for it and he came into place and I said this is the right way and whatever you were doing in high school was not the right way come on somebody are you with me number six when there is no mutual attraction it might be a wrong relationship for you if you're not mutually attracted to each other attraction is not the most important but it's important I know in some cultures attraction doesn't matter Isaac married Rebecca never even seen her he had a chance to like her he saw her for the first time she was introduced as his wife he's like well it is what it is and the bible says he loved her for most of us we don't live in the culture where parents choose marriage for you based on how the businesses will go you have a chance to choose someone based on your attraction that you have for them it's very important that you don't choose someone based just on their education based just on their appearance or based on how the kids will turn out you know how girls do that 4th dimension is like well our kids will look like this he's the pig I don't like him but we'll have good kids the kids will make up for the fact we don't have no flow here if a lady gets married to a guy and she knows he has no attraction for her it causes her insecurities to go through the roof when a guy gets married to a lady and he doesn't have the attraction the lust that he already fights with it becomes a lot harder to overcome and so I challenge people that if you are in a dating relationship and there is no attraction listen, turn it to the friendship and don't pursue any further because attraction is very important if you don't have it now the chances of that having later sometimes God does miracles but it's better to lead those miracles to someone else amen, are you with me we're gonna bring this message to over the end, I want you to share the last point waiting on God is allowing God to take something out of you before he brings someone to you so we see that with Adam is that Adam not only that God tells him I want you to go look for a wife and then Adam looks for someone he can't find it, he waits for God but I want you to see that God brings the person to Adam by not just waiting room, Adam wasn't just waiting idle waiting on God is allowing God to work on you God went into the surgical room and started to surgically remove things out of Adam, this was painful, this was action see waiting on God, the problem with the young generation that we have today is that many people while they're waiting they're fornicating they know they won't be end up with that person they say, you know what, why don't we just simply begin to flirt, let's just begin to stir up feelings within them that you know you shouldn't be doing, leading them on on something that you know you have no interest in being with the person you don't see the future with the person if you don't see the future with the person there is no need to mess up with their feelings there is no need to sext there is no need to develop emotional attachments there is no need to message them at two in the morning through snapchat there's no need I'm gonna share with you a secret that I was taught when I was a single person the way you act as a single man is the way you will act as a married man and when I was single this is not to brag about myself but this area of my life was under control you wouldn't find me driving with another woman, you wouldn't find me going on a coffee with another woman now you can call me strange, you can call me weird whatever you can call me but the habits I developed as a young man I lived in purity toward single ladies and I wasn't leading no one and these habits they stayed with me when I was a married man when I am a married man my god, I can get in trouble today in this room Jesus guys, English is my third language okay, come on, help me out it's not intentional, amen I don't have to work on being pure in my relationships with other women I don't have to discipline myself not to text girls randomly because I didn't do that when I was 16 I won't do that now when I'm 31 listen to me young man you may give yourself a freedom to text and to cool because you're single and you say I'll change when I get married let me tell you something, you won't and your spouse will struggle it's better to right now act like a man not like a boy the Bible says blessed is the man who finds a wife not a woman that means the woman is already acting like a wife she's already acting she's not chilling with the boy she's not just simply till 2 in the morning to every single dude that has nothing to do but to text back and forth she doesn't snapchat herself from different position to expose what her mama gave her she doesn't do that why? because she's a wife now even though she doesn't have a husband yet and one day she will have a husband come on somebody be a wife before you become a wife that means you treat your relationships with purity that means that every boy and every guy that you hang out they know there's guardrails why? because you're taken not like the movie taken but like taken by Jesus and the Holy Spirit taken are you with me? and so we see that Adam he goes to sexual sleep and when you are waiting in order for God to work on you you have to sexually go to sleep to sexually go to sleep doesn't mean you have to sexually die it doesn't mean your hopes and dreams are gone it just means you don't invoke emotions and other people you don't lead other people on and you don't do this thing we're just talking which means we're doing everything the married people do the only thing we don't have is that I don't have his last name that's exactly what talking means in our culture today it just means when you are waiting you are sexually asleep you don't come to church to just to look for somebody you come to church you come to other places and you focus on God and as you're sexually asleep you're spiritually awakened and God is beginning to do things in your life and in your character and why is God wanting to do that? I want you to write this down because the key of finding the right person is first being the right person see many of us we're like well I don't like who likes me I don't like who's attracted to me I don't like the fact all the Christian guys are like church parking lot the best ones are taking the rest are left are handicapped that's somebody said that to me I told her to go to a prayer line but if you have that kind of a mind say you're like yeah it seems like all the guys that I just don't like you have to understand the reason why God wants to work on you is because there is something in you that's a magnet that attracts you attract who you are not what you want and so when you're going through waiting God is working God removes this God removes that God fixes that and then the people that are attracted are no longer attracted and people are beginning to be attracted who are different begin to be drawn to you and your taste buds change your approach begins to change if you know you the way you know you would you marry you why would you want somebody else to do that if you know you the way you know you would you marry you so that's why God wants to shape certain things I always challenging people that many of us walk into the relationships low preparation do the math anything that's between that is frustration if your expectation is and you're a young man I want her to look like a Hollywood star I want her to have the anointing of Catherine Coleman the heart of Mother Teresa to cook like my mom have as many kids as my grandma but you yourself jobless don't have a prayer life have nothing running in your life except your mouth nothing and you're like I just want I see the man who have only month running raise your hands up praise God amen I see you praise God if you walk into marriage relationship with expectations on this but your preparation is on this preparation and expectation has to be around the same level and that's how we avoid frustration all kinds of problems in our relationships because we're prepared and because our expectations are realistic and reasonable if you're a young person in this room today and you're not married I want to declare something over you can we do that so you can just stretch your hands toward me I'm just going to declare if you're single you're not married I'm just going to declare this over you I'm just declaring that this year I'm believing God for you to have dates and better dates and if you agree say amen brides and grooms amen proposals weddings and revival babies after the wedding remember favorable glances taxes and wedding dresses interests and commitments hence squeezes returned rings and honeymoons wives and spouses debts paid off nerves decrease courage increased I thank you Lord for meeting all of our romantic needs that I may find the one and only partner to build your kingdom and expand the Church of Jesus Christ and somebody say amen