 J-E-L-L-O! The Jell-O program, coming to you from Hollywood, California, starring Jack Benny with Mary Livingston, Phil Harris, Dennis Day, and yours truly, Don Wilson. The orchestra opens a program with, Where Do I Go From You? You know, it's really true that somehow, the better a dessert looks, the better it tastes. In fact, that's one of the big reasons why so many people find Jell-O such a marvelous treat. Because there's a world of extra pleasure in eating a dessert that looks as gay and inviting as does Jell-O. Jell-O has a distinctive beauty all its own. There's the rosy pink that reminds you of ripe red strawberries, the bright crimson that makes you think right away of plump, juicy raspberries, as well as all of the other rich, tempting Jell-O colors. And each glowing color is just as attractive. Each grand flavor is just as delightful and refreshing as the juicy ripe fruit itself. So friends, enjoy a shimmering mold of glorious Jell-O right away quick, possibly tomorrow. Ask your grocer for several packages of Jell-O in all of Jell-O's six delicious flavors. But be sure to ask for it by name, because Jell-O is a trademark, the property of general foods. And those big red letters on the box assure you of getting the flavor that made Jell-O famous. And now, ladies and gentlemen, we bring you a man who, after three hectic weeks in New York, has returned to the simple life in Southern California and resumed his favorite hobby of raising flowers. I love him. A man who may be seen any day in his Beverly Hills garden, hoeing in his hollyhocks, digging in his dahlias, and puttering in his pansies, Jack Benny. Thank you. Jell-O again, this is a man with the whole talking. And Don, I'm glad you gave me that introduction because it brought out a side of me that most people don't realize. Benny, the nature lover. Well, Jack, I didn't realize it myself until I read in the paper the other day that your petunias had won first prize in the Beverly Hills flower show. My petunias? They only won third prize, Don. They should have come in first, but they weren't trying. Weren't trying? No, they just sat there in their pots and drooped. Next year, next year, I'm going to enter nasturtium. They may not smell so nice, but they're always in there punching. They'll come through. But Jack, isn't it a lot of trouble for a fellow's busy as you are to keep up a garden? Yes, but it's worth it. My backyard is one of the show places of Southern California, isn't it, Mary? Especially on wash day. I don't mean Monday. I'm talking about my flowers. Oh, they're beautiful. No kidding, Don. People come from miles around just to look at Jack's roses. They sure do. Jack is so sweet about it. Children get in for nothing. Mary. Adults a quarter. Now, wait a minute, Mary. That 25 cents admission isn't just for the roses. It also includes a tour of the house and Carmichael's roller skating app. Just about pays for the upkeep. I'm not trying to make my backyard commercial. Go on, I fell in your swimming pool the other day and you charged me 15 cents for a towel. That's the standard rate all over the country. Anyway, I was talking to Don about my flowers. Well, tell me, Jack, what else do you raise in your garden besides petunias and roses? Oh, many varieties, Don. For instance, I have some beautiful Dianefus cariophilus. Those are carnations. And then I've got some lovely Bocaña cordata. Those are gardenias. My goodness, Jack, I'm surprised that you have such a complete knowledge of botany. Oh, I have. For instance, Don, come here a minute. For instance, you wouldn't think to look at a flower that, well, I'll tell you about it later. It floored me. And you know, Don, I've been very successful lately experimenting with the improvement of various species of plant life. Is that so? Well, I think it's a shame, Jack, the way you go around telling people you perfected a cactus without needles. Well, I did. That cactus in my yard doesn't have a needle on it. Just as smooth as can be. Sure, you lather it up and shave it every morning. I do not. And that's a fine way to talk after the break I've been giving you on flowers lately. Some break. You've been charging me 75 cents a dozen for carnations and I can get them at the floors for 60. The white ones with the pink edges? What are you talking about? Oh, hello, Phil. Hi, you kids. What's the topic of conversation? That's topic, Phil. And we're discussing flowers, the subject which would hardly intrigue you. In fact, you know nothing about them. Is that so? I love flowers. You love flowers. Certainly why I woke up this morning in a bed of tulips. Phil, wherever you fall, that's where you wake up. You haven't been interested in flowers since dandelion wine went out. And you know it. All right, so what flowers? You smell them and throw them away. Isn't that awful? Phil, when you come over to my house next Sunday, you'll see the most beautiful garden you ever laid your eyes on. Your house next Sunday, what's going on then? Oh, didn't I tell you? I told Don and Mary before the broadcast. You see, our sponsor, Mr. Mortimer, of General Foods happens to be in town. So I'm throwing a little party for them. Isn't that the Jack has General Foods picked up your option for next year? My option? Well, doggone, come to think of it, no. He hasn't slept in three weeks and he just found out why. Mary, but you know, Don, this party will give me a swell chance to talk business with Mr. Mortimer. Oh, Jack, who do you think you're fooling? That's the only reason you're giving it. Now, wait a minute, Mary. There's no particular rush for me to sign my contract for next season. I'm not worried. Sure, you can always play your violin and Phil's orchestra. Yeah, I could. Over my dead body. Don't be so smart, Phil. Next Sunday, when you come over to my house, you'll be very nice to Mr. Mortimer. Am I invited to your party, Mr. Benny? Well, of course, Dennis. I didn't see you. Why didn't you say something? Nobody would throw me a lead. Well, I'll throw you a lead, Dennis. Now that you've made your presence known, how about singing a song? Oh, boy, that'll be fun. There he goes again. I wonder what makes that kid so happy. Mr. Mortimer is his uncle. He is? Say that swell. Sing, Dennis. Gee, I didn't know he was related to our sponsor. I might have known it, though. He's such a smart kid. It's one of the most beautiful songs you've done this year. The title is so poetic, The Wind and the Rain in Her Hair. I wonder what that girl was doing out in the rain with all that wind in her hair. Well, Jack, I happen to know all about that. The young lady in question was on her way to her neighborhood grocer to buy a package of jello. When suddenly a storm came up, lightning flashed, and the wind howled. Did she get the package of jello with the big red letters on the box? Yes, Jack. And after that, she went to a beauty parlor for a permanent wave, and it made her look so beautiful that she was immediately signed up for pictures. And today, that girl is known to the world. Isn't that wonderful? And if you tune in next week, ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Don Wilson, the eminent biographer, will tell the story behind Guess who? Logan Jerk Finkle. Now you spoil it. Get another one ready, Don. Okay. And now, ladies and gentlemen, going from the sublime to our feature attraction of the evening, tonight, the Benny you requested, wheel molested players, will present their version of that sensational MGM screen masterpiece based on Kenneth Roberts' brilliant novel of American history, that outstanding cinema achievement, Northwest Passage. Thank you, Snapdragon. Cernicum Excelsium. I know what it is. Technicolor production starred Spencer Tracy as Major Rogers, the famous explorer and Indian fighter. And Dennis, I've got a big surprise for you. You're gonna be the star of our play tonight. You're gonna take Spencer Tracy's part. Spencer Tracy? Old boy! We'll show your uncle just what you can do. What uncle? Mr. Mortimer, our sponsor. He isn't my uncle. He isn't. Darn you, Mary. Well, anyway, Dennis, as I was saying, in our play tonight, you're gonna be an Indian guide. That's all. An Indian guide? I thought I was gonna be the star. You better keep your trap shut or you won't be anything. That's just about enough out of you. As much as I am a very dear friend of Spencer Tracy's, I will naturally play his part. A fine thing to do to a friend. Listen, Mary, I can handle a part where I can do anything Spencer Tracy can do. Except possibly play polo. Make it everything. You'll feel better. Okay. Now, Phil, you're gonna play Robert Young's part, the map maker of our expedition. You're thrown out of Harvard College so you join my troupe of Rangers. Well, why would I be thrown out of Harvard? That don't ring true. Phil, the trouble we're gonna have is getting you into Harvard. The rest will be easy. Now, you're gonna play the part of a young girl who as a child was captured by the Avernaki Indians and years later I save you from this hostile tribe. You're some hero. Well, I am. They're very savage Indians. In fact, I almost lose my scalp. What do you care? You got three more hanging in your dressing room. Right now, just for that, you might as well tear up that pass I gave you for my rose garden. I'm voiding it. Now let's see, who else? What am I going to be in the play, Jack? Well, Don, you were going to be a ranger but due to a shortage of actors, I've decided to make you a whole company of rangers. So when I call the roll, just answer here 50 times. Do I get more money for playing all those parts? Unless you got a certain uncle. That has nothing to do with it. Now this happy ladies and gentlemen will go on immediately after the next number which will be played by Phil Harris and his orchestra. Hit it, boys. Gee, Mr. Benny, why can't I play Spence of Tracy's part? Get away from me, Dennis, or I'll twist your wrist. Play, Phil. I can't stand an imposter. Ladies and gentlemen. Come on, Jackson, that's the kind of a number you gotta play loud. Phil, you could play low the gentle lark and make it sound like eight vultures on a tin roof fighting over a xylophone. And now, folks... Well, that's just silly. Why would vultures fight over a xylophone? They think it's spare rib. Is that clear things up, bruv? And now, folks, for our thrilling saga of early American history, Northwest Passage or a Tramp in the Woods. Take it, Mr. Narrator. Ladies and gentlemen, the year is 1712. The scene is Crown Point, located on the Hudson River in the colony of New York. Major Rogers and his famous rangers have decided to wipe out the Abernackie Indians, a hostile tribe who have been ravaging the countryside, burning the farmer's homes and kidnapping their wives and children. As the scene opens, the Major is addressing his men. Now listen, men, and listen carefully. For years, the Abernackie Indians, a hostile tribe, have been ravaging the countryside, burning the farmer's homes and kidnapping their wives and children. The man just said that. Quiet, you're not in this yet. Now rangers, here's my plan. We march northward this very day. Northward to Lake Champlain in the Abernackie country. It's a dangerous mission, men. And no one knows how long it'll take. We may be gone weeks, months, perhaps years. Who's gonna water your petunias? Never mind that. Now we're all ready to go. But first, are there any objections? Yes, we object. What's the trouble, Company C? Well, half of me have wives and children and one of me is scared to death. I expect mutiny. Well, take a little bicarbonate and you'll be all set. Private Harris, did you draw the map of New York State like I told you to? All but the Hudson River. I can't make a night boat. Well, this is gonna be some trip. Thank goodness we've got an Indian guide. All right, men, we must push on. And we'll wipe out those Abernackie Indians. Or my name ain't. And so our little band of rangers leave Crown Point and march two full days northward. It is now noon of the third day. Ranger, looks like a good place to rest. Where are we, Private Harris? Well, Major, according to my map, that peak just ahead is Mount Shasta. Mount Shasta's in California, 3,000 miles from where we started. We've only been walking two days. Hey, we made good time, didn't we? Oh, marvelous. Harris, this is the worst map I've ever seen. Well, if you don't like mine, why don't you stop at a gas station and get one? Of course, there won't be a gas station for 200 years. Automobiles haven't been invented yet. Oh, that's right. I wish I knew where we were. Now let's... Fellas, a wild turkey! Well, I better ask my Indian guide where we are. Oh, conca pot. Conca pot? Oh, please? Where are we? Do you recognize those mountains up ahead? No, I don't. You're a fine Indian guide. Well, I thought I was gonna be Spencer Tracy. That was BM, before Mortimer. Oh, well, we'll just have to march on, I guess. But, Major, we can't march anymore today. Several of my backs are sprained and most of my feet are killing me. Your rear guard looks a little tired. I guess we'll have to camp here for the night. And careful, men. There's probably Indians lurking behind every bush. Oh, big heap! Big heap! That's big heap, Major. What do you want, conca pot? Look, Major! White girl! White girl? Where? Oh, yes. Hello? What are you doing in these woods, Miss? I was out picking violets and I got lost. Violets, eh? Hey, fellas! Look at these vinkas, kool-a-lotties. Ain't they pretty? Yes, they sure are. Now tell me, Miss, who are you? My name is Mary and I was captured by the Indians many years ago. Please save me! Now, wait a minute. How do I know you're not a spy? How do I know you've been living among the Indians? I didn't get these beads at Magnan's. Well, I guess you can come along with us. But I warn you, it'll be dangerous. We're on our way to wipe out the Abernackies. It's a hazardous mission. I don't care, just so I can get back among my own people. We will protect you. Come on, men. We better push on. Gee, those violets are beautiful. May I carry them, Miss? That's all those Indians have to see. Oh, that's right. Come on, men, on our way. And we'll wipe out those Abernackie Indians. Or my name ain't two days later. Where are we now, Harris? Do you recognize that lake ahead of us? Well, according to my map, that's a finger bowl at the Brown Derby. The help you are. I'm afraid to say halt. They'll come around here, but they're all friendly. Good. Friendly, eh? And why is this arrow sticking in me? If you look close, you'll see that. If you look close, it says I love you on it. Hey, Concapot, pull this arrow out. OK. Now listen, man. Thanks. If that's Lake Champlain, we're headed in the right direction. On the opposite shore lies Fort Wentworth. And tomorrow morning at 4 o'clock, before the Indians wake up, we'll cross the lake. All right, men, lay down. Unfold blanket. Company, sleep. It is 4 a.m. the following morning. And our little band of rangers is sound asleep, with the exception of Major Rogers, who was already awakened. No one speak above a whisper. The slightest sound will warn the Indians of our presence. On your feet and down to the canoes. Remember not a sound or we're doomed. There is not so loud. 4 o'clock in the morning. A fine time to get up. Quiet. Everybody behind me. Single quiet. Quiet now. Quiet. Harris, watch your musket. All right, men. Here we are. Now get in your canoe. And we'll wipe out those Abernacky Indians. Or my name ain't... Or my name ain't... Six months later, and we pick up our brave little band of rangers, footsore and weary, somewhere near Lake Champlain. They have been unable to find the Abernackys or Fort Wentworth, and have been without food for eight weeks. In other words, things is bad. Cheer up, men. Cheer up. We must have faith and courage. But we're starved, Major. Starved. And I've lost half of my men. Well, I knew it looks good. Gee, I'm hungry, too. Here, have a bite of my moccasin. Moccasins are no good without ketchup. Well, men, you've been brave and loyal soldiers. And I'm afraid this is the end. What's that? Tom-Tom. There must be Indians around here. Indians? Raise your muskets, men. Do not be afraid, Major. These Indians are peaceful and friendly. Good. Yikes! Another bullseye. I'm getting pretty sick of this. Look, Major, here comes big chief and many braves. Oh, yes. All right, men, put down your musket. I'll talk to these Indians. How? How? We white men, no one fight. We friendly. We friendly, too. No ketchup, food, many moons. Tummy teeth. Which way Fort Wentworth? Fort Wentworth? Yes. I don't know. Hey, Red Fredder, which way Fort Wentworth? I don't know. Hey, Thunder Cloud, which way Fort Wentworth? I don't know. Hey, Geronimo! The way to help add welcome variety to family meals. Just listen to this. The next time you go to the grocery store, glance at the shelf where you've been used to seeing those familiar red-lettered packages of jello. And they're on the same shelf or mighty close by. You'll notice another roll of packages also bearing the name jello. These, ladies and gentlemen, are the delicious new jello puddings made by the makers of jello and fast becoming one of the country's favorite desserts. Jello, of course, you've enjoyed for many years. You found a world of pleasure in its grand goodness. It's delightful, extra rich flavor, as tempting and refreshing as the juicy ripe fruit itself. And I'm sure you'll get an equally big thrill out of these swell new jello puddings. Jello vanilla pudding, jello chocolate pudding, and jello butterscotch pudding. So after this, when you buy jello, ask for jello puddings, too, and treat yourself to the smooth, luscious, creamy flavor of these marvelous new members of the jello family, jello puddings. We're a little late, so good night, folks. This is the National Broadcasting Company.