 The Jack Benny program, transcribed and presented by Lucky Strike. Lucky's taste better. Lucky strike means fine, tobacco. Lucky strike means fine, tobacco cleaner. Fresher, smoother. Lucky, lucky, lucky, lucky, striking, spying, tobacco. Lucky striking spying, tobacco cleaner. Pressure, smoother. Better get a carton, better get a carton, better get a carton today. Hello, friends. This is Don Wilson. You know, that college chair represents a lot of smoking chair on campuses all over the country. Yes, indeed. Because the nationwide survey, based on actual student interviews in 80 leading colleges, reveals that more smokers in these colleges prefer luckies than any other cigarette. But that's not all. The survey also shows luckies gained far more smokers than the nation's two other principal brands combined. More important still, the reason most often given by the students for smoking luckies was Lucky's better taste. Yes, luckies do taste better because L.S.M.F.T. Lucky strike means fine, tobacco. Fine, mild, good tasting tobacco. And luckies are made better, made round and firm and fully packed to taste cleaner, fresher, smoother. So make your next carton, Lucky strike, and you'll agree. Lucky's better taste is something to cheer about. Lucky strike means fine, tobacco. Lucky strike means fine, tobacco cleaner. Fresh, smooth, better get a carton, better get a carton, better get a carton today. The Lucky Strike Program starring Jack Benny with Murray Livingston, Rochester, Dennis Day, Bob Crosby and yours truly, Don Wilson. Ladies and gentlemen, Los Angeles is so proud of its civic beauty that the local chamber of commerce supplies visiting tourists with free sightseeing buses. So let's take a tour on one of these buses and see what it's like. Well, here we are in Beverly Hills. On the left, ladies and gentlemen, is the residence of that very fine dramatic actor, Lionel Barrymore. And to the right is the home of none other than Gary Cooper. Gee, Gary Cooper, I could sure go for him. Hey, remember, Pope, she wore on her honeymoon. Yeah, we've been married two days already. Nearly three days. Quiet, Mama. We'll send you home. Ladies and gentlemen, we are now in the heart of Beverly Hills. Which has more movie stars per square mile than any other community. Oh, look, look, there's Trigger. That's my wife. She got one of those new hairdos. Now we're turning into Beverly Drive. At the moment, we're passing the home of Johnny Ray. Look, that's Johnny sitting on the porch laughing. This is his day off. Gee, imagine the home of Johnny Ray. Yeah, look at the little white cloud over it. And now, folks, if you look to the right, you'll see Barbara Stanwyck's house. And next to it is the residence of Mr. and Mrs. Ronald Coleman. And next to that is the home of Jack Benny. This is where I get off, driver. Stop the bus. Did you stow away again? Never mind. Stop the bus. Watch your step getting off. Thank you. Forget the thanks. I don't want you to get hurt and sue the company again. Oh, quiet. And now, ladies and gentlemen, we leave Beverly Hills and drive out to Santa Monica. Yes, folks, beautiful Santa Monica. It's anything I hate. It's a smart alec bus driver. When you say I beg your pardon, then I'll come back here. You ask me to forgive you, I'll read. Can't you hear me calling when the rain and Emma fall in? She was I surprised when we... So surprised when we passed Barbara Stanwyck's house. She's still using those same old curtains. Hello, Rochester. Hello, boss. You're a little late. Yeah. That bus must have gone to Santa Monica first today. No, no, we came right to Beverly Hills. Any mail, Rochester? No, but Miss Luella Parsons called. Luella Parsons? Yeah, she wants to get an interview about your career in radio and television. Wow. And pictures. Pictures, too? I talked her into that. Good, good. Then is she coming over for the interview? I told her this evening would be okay. This evening? Rochester, Luella can't come over tonight. I invited my gang for dinner. That's good, boss. Good. What do you mean good? Be a big shot. Tell her you're giving the dinner in her honor. Say, you know, Rochester, you really think fast. I wouldn't last long around here if I didn't. Go in the kitchen, get things started, and then I... Come in. Hello, Mary. Hello, Jack. The gang get here yet? Not yet, but guess what? Luella Parsons is coming over tonight to interview me. She is? Yeah. Gee, Mary, I want everything to be just right when Luella gets here. Rochester, don't forget to put flowers on the table. Yes, sir. And go down to the cellar and bring up some wine. The cheap wine are the important stuff from Cougamonga. Important wine, of course. Gee, Mary, imagine Luella Parsons coming to interview me. Hope everything goes along all right. Oh, Rochester. Uh-huh. Don't forget to put flowers on the table. I'm putting them. I'm putting them. Oh, yes, yes. Jack, what are you so nervous about? I'm not nervous. And stop running your fingers through your hair. Put it on and relax. Curl goes in front. It's not a curl. That's the loop I hang it up with. There's nothing wrong with being neat, you know. That loop is supposed to be in back. Well, tuck it in. You look like Fu Manchu. Fu Manchu, Fu Manchu. You might have a maid company in China, too. It's hot tonight. You can stop with the jokes now. Luella Parsons coming over and I want to make a good impression. Well, Jack, if you really want to impress her, when she comes in, compliment her. Compliment her? Yes. Tell her how nice she looks and that she's so much thinner than you thought she was. Women like to hear that. Yeah, yeah. That's a good idea. You know, Jack, I can't understand why you're so excited. Didn't Luella interview you a few weeks ago? Yes, Mary. She wrote an article that appeared in a fan magazine about my 20 years in radio. Was it a nice article? Well, to tell you the truth, Mary, I never got a chance to read it. Well, what are you going to do if Luella asks you about it? I'll just have to change the subject, that's all. Anyway, I want... Oh, I just thought of something. Rochester! Huh? Put some flowers on the table. Boss, what are you going to do with Miss Parsons? Feed her a barrier. Do what I tell you. Now, Mary, come on out in the kitchen and help me get things ready. Whoops. That must be Luella now. Oh, Jack, it's too early for her. Oh, yes, yes. Come in. Oh, hello, Dennis. Come on in. Hello, Mr. Benny. Hello, Mary. Hello, Dennis. Dennis, I'm glad you came a little early because I wanted to... When do we eat? Talk to you about it. Now, look, Dennis, I don't want you pulling any silly stuff tonight. We're having Luella Parsons for dinner. You promised us roast beef. Luella Parsons is a guest of honor. The way prices are today, the roast beef should be the guest of honor. You said it. Now, look, Dennis, a sporty line. Now, look, Dennis, when Luella gets here, I think it would be nice if you sing a song. Not me. Dennis, don't be silly. If you sing for her, she might say something nice about you in her column. That's what I'm afraid of. What? I can just see the headline now. Dennis thrills Luella. Look, kid. If my girl reads that, she'll slap my face. Dennis, unfortunately, nobody's going to slap your face. Now, you're going to sing for Luella. Let me hear the song now. Okay, but if my girl throws me over and marries King Perucca, it'll be your fault. Dennis, sing. Thanks. Let's talk to something. Rock about dessert tonight. Dessert? Yes, I'd like to have crepe Suzette. Suzette, don't you know how to make them? Wait a minute. What happened to those three bottles of brandy my sponsor gave me for Christmas? When Phil Harris came over to say goodbye, he drank a... Oops, that must be Luella now. All right, Jack. Now, don't get excited. Who's excited? Rochester answer the phone. I mean the door. The door. Wait a minute, Jack. It'll make a better impression on Luella if you answer it and be charming and gracious. I will. I'll even bow. I'm coming. Coming. Welcome to my humble abode. Hey, what are you looking for, Jack? Did you drop something? Oh, Bob. Oh, Bob. I'm a sportsman. Come on in, everybody. All right, Jack. Well, this is quite a coincidence. All you guys arriving at the same time. Well, Jack, I got here about 10 minutes ago, but I was out in the backyard looking at your swimming pool. My swimming pool? Why? Well, I've been thinking about having to put... I've been thinking of having one put in myself. That's what I really think. I've been thinking of having one put in myself, and I thought maybe I could pick up a few pointers on it. Oh, that's... Oh, you're... Go ahead. Off of this show Tuesday. What are you going to put in? Normal size, 20 by 40. I don't think I can afford a big one like you or like my brother, Bings. Well, my pool is pretty big. It's 60 by 100. How big is Bings pool? Well, I don't know, but next week's Florence Chadwick is going to try to swim it. But, Jack, what I want to know about is the upkeep. Is it very expensive to maintain a swimming pool? Not too expensive, but there are certain costs that most people forget. That's what I've been trying to tell you, Bob. Pool 20 by 40 requires about 40,000 gallons of water. Well, I don't have to worry about that. I'm filling my pool with Campbell's soup. What? You haven't lived till you've jackknifed into a whole pool full of chicken gumbo. See, if a guy goes down for the third time, he can get fat. Look, fellas, look, before I forget, I want you all to behave yourself tonight because Luella Parsons is coming here to dinner. She's going to interview me. Well, Jack, I thought she gave you an interview just a couple of weeks ago. She did, and that's what I want to talk to you about. She did a big interview on me for a fan magazine. I didn't get a chance to read it. So, if she mentions it, please change the subject. Okay. In fact, a good idea would be not to talk about me at all. Get on some other subject. Let's talk about politics. Everybody's talking politics now. Politics? Yes. For instance, Adelaide Stevenson. Adelaide Stevenson just visited Los Angeles. Well, Eisenhower had a birthday party down in Texas. You know, we can talk about that. By the way, how old is General Eisenhower? He's 62. 62, huh? And Senator Nixon is 39. That's right. Gee, Mr. Benny, what a coincidence. Yeah. You and Eisenhower are the same age. They're not. Now, look, everybody, please remember that anytime Luella brings up that fan magazine article she wrote about me, change the subject. Oh, Jack, stop boring. Now, Dennis, don't forget, when Luella gets here, I want you to sing that song. Okay. Say, Jack, the sportsman Quartet and I have been rehearsing a song we were going to do on the show. Would you like us to entertain Luella, too? Say, that would be kind of nice. What number did you prepare, Bob? Well, we could let you hear it now. Now, come on, guys, let's sing it for him. We fell in love with you first puff. We ever drew Lucky Strike. You are the perfect one. That's why we recommend Lucky Strike. November, December, the whole year through. There's nothing bigger than a little bit of love. We're going to get you in a whole lot of trouble. You're overworking them. There's danger lurking in them, there are. We fell in love with you first puff. We ever drew Lucky Strike. You are the perfect one. There's nothing beats puffin', puffin' on a Lucky. No other will do. I know a thing about, so I can sing about Lucky Strike. They have a taste that you will like. Mmm, good. All others for swear of me. You'll know the reason if you tear and compare them. The finest cigarette you're ever going to get. Lucky, Lucky Strike. We'll love it. Comey! Had to leave that footstool in the middle of the hall. Well, get up and the loop goes in back. Tell her that she's much thinner than you thought she was. I'll tell her, I'll tell her. Well, Luella Parsons, what a surprise. Hello, Jack. Come in, Luella. I would have been here sooner, but the bus went to Santa Monica first. Say, Luella, don't put this in your column. But when you passed Barbara Stanley's house, did you notice those curtains? Oh, yes. I have the same kind in my house. Well, aren't they lovely? Come in, Luella. I want you to meet my gang. Right this way. They're in the other room. That footstool. Well, don't stand there. Pick me up. I'm sorry, Luella. Hey, fellas, I got a surprise for you. Luella Parsons. Yep, she's here for an interview. How are you, Luella? I haven't seen you for a long time. I'm just fine, Mary. Just fine. Well, you look wonderful. Doesn't she, Jack? Huh? Doesn't she look wonderful, Jack? Huh? Oh, yes, yes. You know, Luella, you're not nearly as fat as I thought you were. Very slender. That's because she's standing next to Don Wilson. You can't just behave yourself. Luella, you know everybody here, don't you? Oh, yes, of course I do. Oh, Bob, by the way, you're new on Jack's, so aren't you? That's right, Luella. This is my first season. How do you like working for Jack? Oh, it's wonderful. Such a happy gang. We're always laughing. At rehearsals, we laugh. During the show, we laugh. When we get our checks, we laugh. Yes, yes. When we try to cash them, we get hysterical. Mary, please. By the way, Luella, when is this interview... what is this interview you're giving me going to appear in print? Next week. But first, I'll tell all about it on my Luster Cream Shampoo program. Tuesday night on the CBS Radio Network. Oh, then you can do me a big favor, Luella. Would you mention that next Sunday, November 2nd, I'm going to do another television show. See, Dinah Shore is going to be my guest star, and we're going to do Buck Benny Rides again. You know, Jack, anything I can do for you, I'm glad to. I'll mention that. Thank you. Now, is there anything else you want to know, Luella? Yeah, when do we eat? I'm sorry, I almost forgot about dinner. I didn't. I know, I know. Come on, everybody, let's go in the dining room. Here, Luella, let me fill up your plate. Some roast beef, some green peas, and some mashed potatoes. Oh, thank you. I just love mashed potatoes. By the way, Jack, how did you like the magazine article I wrote about you a few weeks ago? Did you like it? Here, Luella, have some more mashed potatoes. They're delicious. Oh, thank you, Jack. Did you read before? Here, Luella, have some more mashed potatoes. Oh, thank you, Mary. Now, as I was saying, I wrote a magazine article about Jack which appeared in the mashed potatoes in the magazine. Mashed potatoes? Oh, sure, Luella, here, have all you want. Now, Jack, the main purpose of tonight's interview is to get your reactions to television. My reactions to television? Yes, television is more difficult for the actors and radio. Now, isn't it, Jack? Oh, that's right, Luella, it is. Television is very demanding. You see, an actor has to rehearse for hours. Then he has to shave as closely as possible. And then the makeup. You don't know what they have to go through, makeup. The makeup department spends an hour putting a base on them. Then the first layer of makeup. Then the second layer of makeup. Then they tweeze your eyebrows and lose your lips. All that just to be squirted in the face with a seltzer bottle? Oh, it's murder, you know? Well, I'll make some notes of this for my new article. By the way, Jack, getting back to the other article I did about you, did you read it? Here, Luella, have some more mashed potatoes. Oh, that was very thoughtful of you, Don. Wasn't it, Luella? Luella? Luella, where are you? Right over here behind the mashed potatoes. Oh, well, dig a hole in the middle so I can see it. There, that's better. Now, Luella, rather than just having you ask me a lot of questions, I'll give you a brief story of my life. All right, Jack, go right ahead. Now, I was born in Warkegan, Illinois. After graduating grammar school, I took an interest in music. Later, I went to Chicago, where I studied the violin under Hugo Karchock at the Chicago Conservatory of Music. After four years of intensive study, my professor took a personal interest in me and arranged for my first appearance... Ah, shut up! Luella, my career grew by leaps and bounds. In 1934, I was lured to Hollywood and Pictures, where I made Broadway, Mellerie, Hollywood Review, and To Be or Not To Be. And Jack, didn't you make a picture called a man about town? Yes, Luella, then I made George Washington slept here, lost horizon, gone with the wind, a world in his arms, the snows of Kilimanjaro, Francis goes to Anaheim, Azusa, and Kukamasa, the teeth, Ivanhoe, the great Caruso, sudden fear, somebody like that. Ladies and gentlemen, tomorrow, October 27th, is Navy Day. So let's join the Navy League of the United States and pay grateful tribute to the heroes of the Navy, who are living in bed. Thank you. Jack, we'll be back in just a moment. But first... Luckies, taste better. He's striking spine, tobacco, Lucky's striking spine, tobacco cleaner, fresher, smoother, Lucky, lucky, lucky, Lucky's striking spine, tobacco, Lucky's striking spine, tobacco cleaner, fresher, smoother, Better get a carton, better get a carton, better get a carton today! You may not cheer right out loud like that when you first try Luckies. You may only whisper, Ah, Lucky's do taste better. And I'd like to tell you why. Lucky's better taste begins with fine, mild, good-tasting tobacco. LS, MFT, Lucky's strike means fine tobacco. Then, too, Lucky's are made better, round, firm, fully packed, to taste cleaner, fresher, smoother. No wonder so many college students are cheering about Lucky's better taste. You see, a recent nationwide survey based on actual student interviews in 80 leading colleges reveals that more smokers in these colleges prefer Lucky's than any other cigarette, and by a wide margin. In addition, Lucky's gained far more smokers than the nation's two other principal brands combined. And the number one reason the students gave for smoking Lucky's was better taste. So enjoy Lucky's better taste yourself. Get a cleaner, fresher, smoother smoke. Yes, be happy. Go Lucky. Make your next carton Lucky's strike. Be happy. Go Lucky. Go Lucky's strike today. Ladies and gentlemen, I want to thank Luella Parsons for appearing on my program tonight. Next Sunday, I'll be doing my second television show of the season, which will go on immediately after my radio show. I hope you'll all be listening and looking. Good night, everybody. Jack Benny program is written by Sam Perrin, Milt Josephsburg, George Balzer, John Packaberry, and produced and transcribed by Hilliard Marx. Jack Benny program is brought to you by Lucky Strike, product of the American Tobacco Company, America's leading manufacturer of cigarettes. Stay tuned for the Amazon Andy Show, which follows immediately over the CBS radio network.