 Personal notice, dangers my stock and trade. If the job's too tough for you to handle, you got a job for me, George Valentine. Write full details. Standard Oil Company of California, on behalf of independent Chevron gas stations and standard stations throughout the west, invites you to let George do it. Sweet are the uses of publicity. A transcribed adventure of George Valentine. Dear Mr. Valentine, believe me, trouble I've got like the hives, danger I've got like dandruff, but who wants to scratch either one? Why should I ruin my expectancy when there's a man like your caliber, advertisers, he should unwrap people's loads from their backs? No answer. It's for you, you've got it. A job, it's yours. Now listen, so much for politeness. You're going to keep me from an early death. You're going to throw out of work my tombstone maker. And how? By only making yourself pleasant while I throw a party. The place? The police bay uptown, meet you at the side entrance at eight o'clock. The name, Jacob S. Flannery, Jake to you. That's me. The job? Believe me, Mr. Valentine, it's a job all right. You're going to be a bodyguard. A bodyguard to a man who doesn't exist. Only got ten minutes, Valentine. Guests will be upstairs in ten minutes. A bartender, Pete. The usual and make it fast. Yes, sir, Mr. Flannery. Coming up. Is there anybody around here you don't know? Anywhere, Miss Brooks. Anywhere and I wish it weren't so. Ten minutes rest. The first all day. Ten beautiful days. You know, friend, you're quite a character. Mr. Valentine, you surprised me too. No, I said that. You'll have to excuse the letter. But I figured private eye, tough Joe, make him like it. Get in tune with his sympathy. Get him here. If it sounded like no grammar, excuse it. Here you are, Mr. Flannery. Oh, thank you, sir. The usual water? For my pills. Dietitian says they're no good. Stomach specialist does. Analyst doesn't care, so I take the advice of myself. Valentine, I get myself into a person's personality, see? I'm fluid, flexible, in harmony with the situation. Suppose you just tell us what your business is and what our job is tonight and let it go at that. But that's what I'm doing. It's me, my talent, my career. And it's all teetering in the balance. Tonight is the night. Mr. Flannery. I build romance, Miss Brooks. I give glamour where there was only gallstones. Pearls out of paste. Oh, here's my card. Personality builder? Publicity, is that it? Is that what you want? Publicity agent? Valentine, please. There's no person alive who can put his own best foot forward, so I do it for him. I touch up his public picture. I stick him in the public eye. Sure, publicity, press relations, whatever you like. But in two years, I've built up a suite of ten offices. You'd be surprised at some of the clients I have. Excuse me, please. Caleb Romano. Have you ever heard of that name? Of course. He's that Czechoslovakian or Romanian. I'll say I have, and he's not in your league, Buster. The epitome of romance. He was my first client, Valentine. Okay, sorry. But he's a big shot foreign businessman, isn't he? Always see his name going to some glamorous spot over there in Europe? Being chased by some rich widow? A bachelor, the charmer, the dilettante, the dream of what every dull man of 40 would like to be. My dream, mind you understand? Caleb Romano does not exist. I made him up. What? Oh, now, wait a minute. I've read about you. Yeah, but you've never actually seen a picture of him, have you? Well, maybe not, but Caleb Romano is... Quiet. I'm trusting you. What I've told you could kill me in this town ruined me. Newspapers, magazine editors. I've built my business on Caleb Romano. The other clients I've got, they're honest men. I'm an honest man. Oh, yes, sure. Honest like the day is short, pulling a fraud like this. Listen, two years ago I wasn't even eating regular. I had to do something. So I dreamed up Romano. It's easy to get publicity for somebody who doesn't exist, particularly when you keep them in Europe. Well, you're not barred down. You don't have to tell the truth about them. Well, anyway, it worked. When other people heard Romano was a client of mine, in came business. The tailored suits I'm in. Well, then what are you worried about? Being out, being exposed. I made the mistake of having him come to the U.S. in Cognito. Reporters are beginning to get puzzled. They sniff around. He's been an albatross around my neck. Frankenstein built a monster, and now Frankenstein's monsters. Haunts me. I try to forget them. Drop it. They won't let me. It's every day. Where's Romano? Press agents grab me and say... Now, wait a minute. Wait a minute. Calm down, will you? This party tonight upstairs, and this bodyguard to nobody's stuff, and you're letting... I said tonight's the night. Caleb Romano is going back to Europe to retire forever. Tonight, we lay the ghost. What? It's a farewell party. The whole present town is invited. Column is the works. I say I've got a surprise for them. A chance to say goodbye to the man they've been itching to meet. Only, of course, he'll be regrettably detained and forced to dash straight for the boat instead. So they don't know it, but they'll never meet him in the first place. You get it? Genius. Sheer genius. Desperation, that's all. Be sarcastic, but help me. Please help me. Stand by if I need you, in case any of that bloodthirsty mob up there won't swallow the sweet talk and demand they gotta see him. Mr. Valentine, believe me, not even I've got this far before. It takes help to give a party for nobody. It also takes gifts to give a party for nobody. Don't look now, Mr. Flannery, but I don't see anybody but the waiter. The gentleman with the press left Mr. Flannery just a moment ago. Apparently they received a phone call. I don't know what this party of yours was to be... Stop waving your arms. What phone call? Yes, sir, of course, sir, apparently they had an opportunity to meet someone they wished to meet. I can't say as I blame them. I've been fascinated by the stories about him myself. What is all this? Yes, sir, I believe they all went somewhere together. Someone had arranged a personal interview with that foreigner Caleb Romano. Imagine, they're going to meet him in person. But, sir, I tell you, you can't go aboard. I know the president of the line, the chairman of the board and me are just like that. Hey, come back here. Don't argue with the stockholders. Come on, Valentine. All right, all right, belly hole, we're aboard. Now it's a slow down. I got tickets for them for a stateroom woman. When you perpetrate a fraud, you certainly do it up fancy. Well, I had to. I had to carry out the full pretence. It's not easy to get rid of a man who doesn't exist. Slam under that squirrel cage and say it straight, would you? The reporters didn't know what kind of a party you had planned back there. Somebody else phones and says Caleb Romano could be seen in person someplace else. What makes you think we'll find Claude? He's the only one. It could be Claude. The steward. Valentine, I had to take him into my confidence, too. I paid a steward $1,000 to maintain the pretence until the ship was at sea. We reserved an empty stateroom, bought tickets. Some editor was bound to check out when I gave out the story that Romano had left, so I thought... You think the steward was the one who telephoned? But why would he say they could come down here and see Romano in person when... Oh, just to get in the act to grab up the spotlight publicity. What else does anybody do anything for? Takes my cash then gets the credit for exposing me. Come on, come on. I'll shove that left toward right through the other side of his face. He'll never be able to bite another hand that feeds him. Oh, no, you don't know. You don't stop, would you? Bruxy, find me the person with the ship. Buster, you're just going to take some more pills. Valentine. I'll take care of your double crosser for you and the newspaper man. So long, Elsie. I'm going after this publicity myself. Young man, are you going to be on this ship? Oh, delightful. I was only just saying to the chamberman. I said, how dreary the ocean must be without... I'm sorry, lady. Excuse me. I'm looking for... Oh, but that's the end of the corridor. There are no more rooms. The lady is quite correct, sir. Perhaps you are lost. There is only one A. Well, that's what I'm looking for, one A. Hey, you're Claude, aren't you? Yes, sir. Claude? Well, perhaps you could help me, Stuart. Oh, lady, please. I only wanted a cup of bouillon. Excuse me. In just a moment, madam. No one is to be admitted to cabin one A, so the gentleman doesn't wish to be disturbed. Buster, where are the reporters? I beg your pardon, sir. Look, I work for the same guy you do. Flannery. Did you call reporters? Really, sir. I don't follow you. I haven't seen a single gentleman of the press aboard this ship. Oh, you haven't, huh? Oh, no, sir. Everything's gone beautifully, just beautifully. If you're on the in, as we say, you may tell Mr. Flannery we've done a masterful job of his little deception. You have? Oh, yes, sir. See, even dummy suitcases outside the empty cabin, and I have the only key. You may tell him no one has come near here. Now, if you'll excuse me, sir, the lady's bouillon. Yeah, yeah, sure, go on. There's a companion way up there for you to get back up to the deck, sir. Yeah. Cabin one A, huh? A masterful deception. George? George, George, the ship has sailed. I'm trying to tell you the ship has sailed. I can hear you. I can hear you. Hey, where are we? On the ship. We left the dock half an hour ago. Oh, that doesn't have all the crazy stupids. I found you just wandering around with a blank look on your face. Hey, where's Flannery? I suppose he got off already. Open your eyes, detective. I'm right here. Don't make like you have the only headache. Have a pill. A bartender. Oh, Buster, wait a minute. George, the ship stops pretty quick at the Outer Harbor Light Station. We can get off when they drop off the pilot. Just a second, Angel. Listen, Buster, you're a fraud. Let go of me. There's no Caleb Romano you say. Come help me you say. Valentine. George, I believe it. There's a million reporters running around loose, only they keep disappearing. No, no, no. Stop it. What's come over you? Buster, I'm going to bang down the door to that cabin 1A, and if I have to, friend, I'm going to use your head. There you see. Nobody. Yeah. Yeah, it's empty, all right? Just like you said. Like the Stuart said. Mr. Valentine. All right, all right, so I'm wrong. Just because somebody stabs me, I act like one. But Flannery, somehow, on this hot air excursion. Hey. Hey, the boat's stopping. George, that's what we were just trying to tell you. Huh? Oh, yeah, the light station. We get off. No, George, the reporters. That's why we're stopping. The what? There weren't any other. The little geniuses' hoax is still nice and undetected, isn't it? At the light station, the purser got them there. What? When you sent me to find him, remember? The purser said he was the one who telephoned that hotel. He's having the ship stop half an hour at the light station for them to come aboard. The purser? Why? Oh, you innocent babe. Why, he says. They saw Romano's name on the passenger list. That's why. Now the steamship company wants to get into the act. Show up there, big passenger. Romano. It's for pa... Oh, no. No, I can't say it. It's for publicity, George. They want some publicity, too. Oh, brother, brother. Now I've heard everything. All right, Bruxy, this is where we came from. Hey, wait a minute. Valentine, wait. You built yourself this headache buster? Oh, don't worry. Just show the boys from the press the albatross around your neck. You explain to them why this cabin's empty. But me, I'm true with them. Where do you think you're going? Lieutenant Riley. That's right. Nobody's coming aboard this ship with me, Valentine. Now, what in the name of... A fisherman complained somebody threw a body in his net. What? You heard me. Right in the harbor here, a body was thrown off this ship. A man, a big shot. That guy you read so much publicity about. Caleb Romano. The man who doesn't exist. Hey, what's the matter with that bird there behind you? George, I think Mr. Flannery fainted. We'll return to tonight's adventure of George Valentine in just a moment. Every time you have to use the choke to get your car started, don't forget it results in extra engine wear as well as a delay in time. And what makes an engine hard to start anyway? Often it's the fault of gummy gasoline. Gummy gasoline? Yes, indeed. It's caused by the impurities that exist in most raw gasoline. But Chevron Supreme is the gasoline that is super refined to prevent engine sticking gum, to keep spark plugs, rings, and carburetor free of this contaminant. That's why Chevron Supreme gives you that new car feeling. Not only faster starting, but quicker pickup and traffic, and ping-free power on the steepest hills. Just try super refined Chevron Supreme. It's the gasoline that gives you full mileage in the kind of driving you do. Buy Chevron Supreme at independent Chevron gas stations and standard stations, where they say, and mean, we take better care of your car. Now back to tonight's adventure of George Valentine. Caleb Romano was a romantic, mysterious figure, a bachelor sought after by many women, friend of the great, maker of tabloid headlines, a dream of what every middle-aged man would like to be. But according to Jake Flannery, Caleb Romano was only a dream himself, a nightmare that Flannery created in order to build up his own publicity business. A fraudulent ghost returned to haunt Flannery forever, because now it's no longer a ghost, it's a body, the body of Caleb Romano. Well, if your name is George Valentine, that's what you want to see. Police launched, tied alongside the big ship, several hundred yards off the outer harbor light station. Now you believe me, Valentine, this is the main feature. Pull it, huh? Yeah, that's right, he was shot twice. Thirty-eight revolver. See what I mean, he was murdered and then thrown overboard. Murdered, I said. An awful publicity. What's that? Oh, never mind, refrain of a song. Ronnie, it must have happened just after I got cracked over the head. There's a big window in Cabin 1A. Somebody must have heard the ship was going to stop again and have reporters running all over the place. So they got scared and shoved the body through it. Hey, wait a minute, Ronnie, hold it. Mr. Valentine, Mr. Fa... Oh, oh, there you are. Hi, blood pressure. Where's your respect for the living? Is that any way to talk? Just wondered if you got things straight with the inspector. Flannery, I'm a lieutenant this season. And yes, I've heard that slew-stop story of yours, and furthermore, I'm convinced you're the only fake around here, see? You see this pretty gold cigarette case? Huh? Oh, initial, eh? Eh, very classy. C-R. Or would you rather pour around in a wallet? Same initial, C-R. Hey, what else was on the body rally? Eh, doesn't mean anything. Might be Chauncey Rose or Charlie Rappaport or even Captain Riley for all you can... And he was wearing a nice new wristwatch. Caleb Romano. But... but it can't... You engineered all of this, you got the stories for Valentine here? It doesn't exist, I tell ya. I... I don't know why that stuff's on him. Well, who collects not that Romano's dead? That's all I wanna know. No, no, no, no, listen to me, it's not true. And don't give me any more that don't exist stuff. I know, see? I read an article once about Romano in a magazine myself. I wrote that article myself, I made it up. And friend, I'm going to write you a nice long ticket book. Hey, cut it out, cut it out, both of you. Eh? Riley, I got some more initials. Eh? Mr. Valentine, please tell me. Mr. Valentine, would you? Take a look here. J.W.1929. Mamie H.1931. Hey. Yeah, some marks under his shirt. Here. The names and dates all seem to end around 32. Tattoo. That's right, Busty. Now look here. I'll always love you, Susie. Supposed to be a big romantic international glamour boy, Riley. Yeah. With the names of his girls tattooed on him. Yeah. I think we're finally going to believe you, Flannery. You wrote up Romano as being a foreigner, didn't you? Oh, yes, I did. Yes, yes. Czechoslovakian or Romanian or something. And here on this guy's chest it says, Tell it to the U.S. Marines. So now where are we, huh? It's an impersonation, all right? Impersonation by this guy, whoever he was, of a character written about in the newspaper. Even the wristwatch and the wall of the nude. So we either bought it recently or it was planted on him. Well, naturally I wouldn't have any reason for... Well, I mean, I only dreamed up Romano. I didn't... Well, what's the matter? Come on, Riley. We're going to dream up some answers and stick around, Flannery. Maybe we'll all get our names in the paper. But I'm trying to think, Mr. Valentine. There's so many men aboard a ship, you know, and it's also exciting that at least for a single girl like myself. Yeah, sure, Miss Nelson. Is that it, Nelson? To pick a Nelson's. Oh, I've taught Latin there in the high school, for I don't know how many... Yes, well, will you please try to remember? You see, you were there almost at the right time. You must have seen... But I prowl all over the ship. I always do at sailing time. I travel a great deal, you know, all of us girls, and it's so thrilling to see what kind of experiences you're going to have. Like men, you mean? Well, really, Lieutenant? Well, that's what he's trying to ask you. Did you see a man in Cabin 1A? Did you happen to look in... Oh, certainly not that forward. Well, did you see a man in the general area? Oh, excuse me, ma'am, but this guy who was in 1A was killed and you're the only person who had even a remote chance of seeing or hearing what... I'm trying, Lieutenant. I am trying. But I was late coming aboard myself and, well, I remember you, Mr. Valentine. There was so much luggage in the corridor. We bumped into each other, didn't we? And, of course, the steward in that section... That's you, Cron. Yes, sir. Yes, of course, sir. I wish I could. Well, there might have been something if only I could... Think, will you, lady? Think, will you, please? Oh, skip it, Riley. Skip it. I understand, Miss Nelson. Thanks very much. Oh, thank you, Mr. Valentine. Yeah. Uh, Claude, you want to repeat that story of yours? If you wish, sir. I was quite busy with the embarkation. From the beginning. I accepted $1,000, yes, sir. Mr. Flannery is an old customer of the line. I only wished to oblige him. It was a very small fraud merely to pretend there was somebody in what I thought to be an empty cabin. I never even looked in that cabin, sir. I locked the door, told anyone who came near that the gentleman inside did not wish to be disturbed. I was pretending that the fictitious Mr. Romano was in there and I went about my duties. You locked the door without looking in? Yes, sir. If it was already locked by somebody leaving, you'd have noticed it. Or if it was locked from the inside by that guy who got killed or somebody else, you'd have noticed that, too. What? And it would have been locked, of course, since the body hadn't been thrown overboard yet. So in either case, you would have noticed it, but you didn't. You said the door was unlocked. Really? The logic you're trying to use, sir? Now, tell me, Buster, why is it the more nervous you get the tighter you hold your hand against your side? No, no, no, I... That's where you keep your precious $1,000? Or is that where... Get away from me! It's got a gun! Grab him! Stop it! Let's go! No gun, Riley. Just his wallet, that's all. Give it back! Give it to me! Wow. $1,000? Jake Flannery said he gave you $1,000, but holy smoke! Two, three, four, five, six. All right, now, Claude, where'd you get the extra five, and don't waste any words this time. His name is Bernel. Sam Bernel. Go on. I met him. Never mind. That's not important. He's just a man, or was, I should say. Unsuccessful at a good many things, in and out of trouble, in and out of the Marines, in Vorderville with a knife-throwing act, bicycle stunt rider on a tandem. You can check all this yourself. The only important thing was he had some money saved up and wanted to invest it. And you had something to sell? In a manner of speaking, yes, sir. Well, it did seem ridiculous to me for Mr. Flannery to have built up that beautiful personality of Caleb Romano and then just want to throw it away. So you sold the vacancy to this Sam Bernel? Well, the role did have inducements. Perhaps he wished to write a book or marry one of these wealthy creatures who were always chasing after Mr. Romano in the Sunday supplements. Perhaps he... Yeah, sure, I get it. It was a perfect confidence game for him. But I don't see yet why he got killed. Neither do I, sir. I know nothing about his murder. Uh, thank you, Claude. You're under arrest. But, Lieutenant... He'll call it material witness for the time... School teacher! Somebody pushed her. You can't just fall over that rail. What's the matter with the lights? Get a light down there! Miss Nelson, huh? She did know something. She did remember something. She'd be on the surface if she were alive, wouldn't she? Sail her down there now. I wonder where Flannery is. The tide's running offshore, Lieutenant. It's carrying her out. Don't get that launch going. Come on, come on! Oh, George, maybe she never even guessed what it was. She saw her herd that was important. Come on, hurry up, Alexander. Come on, come on. Don't wait for me. George! I got something else to do, Angel. So long. I'll see you later. You heard me, Buster. Give me that boat. Well, welcome, lady. I've been on shore waiting for you. Mr. Valentine. I don't swim very well. I saw the lights. Couldn't tell directions. Yeah, the current's pretty strong. But you'll be all right. Now, give me your hand. Easy, doesn't it? That's it. Oh, thank you. Yeah, not as young as you used to be, I guess. No, no, no. Don't try to talk. You must have had the daylight scared out of you tonight. Oh, here we are. Just sit here. Now, get your breath. Pretty tough trying to swim like that after killing a man. What did you say? Yeah, you're the one who knocked me out, too, I guess. I was headed for cabin 1A. I had to be stopped so the body could be gotten out of there, tossed overboard. You mustn't talk like that, young man. Cabin 1A. You called it a room. The old traveler, huh? Called a passageway or corridor, too. Several other things. Mr. Valentine. J.W. 29. Mame H. 1930. Dates all ended in 32. None after. I noticed that. No. What happened then? Claude says Bernal tried vaudeville with a knife-throwing act. That takes a partner. Bicycle stunt rider for a while on a tandem takes a partner. Little Latin teachers don't develop the nerve or muscles for a swim in water like that. Mrs. Bernal? No, no, I'm not Mrs. Bernal. You answer pretty quick, don't you? Sure it must have been. And now that half-failure confidence game husband of yours latches onto the one thing that'd take him away from you forever. Old girlfriends and all. He was on his way to become the big international bachelor, pursued by the women of five continents. Oh, what a life. Oh, you can never understand. So you follow after the hill, get aboard ship, and then lose your temper, I guess. And then on it's a three-ring madhouse. The tide's running off shore now, you know. Of course, you know, it almost killed you. But you wouldn't be here, would you, unless you dived off that ship on purpose, unless you were trying to run away. It was his gun. He had a gun. We struggled. Yeah, yeah, sure. I guess there's a lot on your side. Hey, hey down there. What's that? What's going on down there? Just take it easy. Look on me. Who are they? Hey, what's the pitch? What's with the ship out there? We're running out of poker chips. You just come from that ship out there? Reporters, that's all, Mrs. Bernal. From the outer harbour light station. Every reporter in town's still waiting. Hey, what is it? What's up? I tell you, we're getting pretty sick and tired of these publicity gags. The jury are let Mrs. Bernal off easy. I'm in tune with that kind of stuff, Miss Brooks. Symphony and sob, that's the angle. Husband was a rat going to go away and be a playboy like he was before 32. Like, like I remember once I ran up some stuff in a bomber. Stabbed his mother-in-law. The angle was... Mr. Flannery, I thought you were all through with publicity. You mean it's through with me, don't you? He hadn't got smart in the first place. This guy, Bernal... No, George. If the job of being killer, Bernal hadn't been around, that man would have left his wife some other way. With probably the same results. Thank you, beautiful. Thank you. Yeah, maybe you're right, Brooks. So long, Flannery. Oh, no, wait a minute, Valentine. I've got an idea. I'm grateful, see? So I take and I build you up, see? I make people George Valentine conscious. You what? Well, what's the matter? You want to be a hermit or something? Get out of here. The only trouble is you need a little more human interest. Home and fireside, soft lights and junk. Now, if you'll just take that dame draped around your neck there and... I said get... Hey, wait a minute. You mean... Well, it's an idea, isn't it? Mr. Flannery, it's a wonderful idea. Imagine how you'd feel if you found that your car's fuel tank had a slow leak and that you were losing one gallon of gasoline out of every 10. Expensive? You bet. But many motorists are losing that much gasoline simply because of worn and neglected spark plugs. At 35 miles an hour, your car's spark plugs have to fire about 5,000 times a minute and in a temperature ranging from 2,000 to 3,000 degrees Fahrenheit. No wonder the porcelain sometimes cracks. No wonder the plugs need cleaning and resetting periodically. In fact, if your spark plugs have traveled more than 10,000 miles, chances are you'll be money ahead by getting new Atlas Champion spark plugs. They have the finest insulating material ever developed for spark plugs and efficiency beyond that of any other spark plug. So to prevent gasoline waste and for better engine performance, go on Atlas Champion spark plugs and have them inspected at regular intervals. Get this car saver service at standard stations and independent chevron gas stations where they say and mean we take better care of your car. Tonight's transcribed adventure of George Valentine has been brought to you by Standard Oil Company of California on behalf of independent chevron gas stations and standard stations throughout the West. Robert Bailey is starred as George with Virginia Gregg as Brooksy. Let George Do It is written by David Victor and Jackson Gillis and directed by Don Clark. Wally Mayer is Lieutenant Riley. Eddie Marr was heard as Flannery. Lee Patrick as Mrs. Bernal. Eric Snowden as Claude and Bob Bruce as the reporter. The music is composed and presented by Eddie Dunstetter, your announcer John Heaston. Listen again next week, same time, same station to Let George Do It. This is the Mutual Don Lee Broadcasting System.