 Well, hello and welcome to understand men now. I'm Jonathan as they have Jonathan as they comment I'm so excited to be doing this live stream for you today our topic men fall in love different from women part 2 part 2 All right really quickly if you're brand new to my youtube channel Please hit the subscribe button hit the bell so you can be notified of new videos And if any time during this video the content resonates with you Please hit that like button so I can be seen in the youtube algorithms really quickly my coaching is what I call heart-centered radical honesty It's direct a little tough love and a lot of heart and occasionally use Explotives to enhance the sentence so if you don't mind if you please excuse an f-bomber 2 Or if that's an f-bomber 2 turns you off then I suggest logging off right now Lastly these are my thoughts my perceptions my opinions by no means do I suggest this is the truth You have to decide the truth for yourself. I'm a bit of a contrarian So my advice goes contrary to public opinion and traditional expectations All right, let's get into men fall in love different than women part 2 Now the reason why we have part 2 is yesterday when I was doing my live stream The power went out in my complex and the internet went out so Literally I was right in mid-sentence Sharing something and this all went Complewy and so if you're watched part 1 or the first one You'll notice that about 21 minutes in the screen goes black for about seven minutes And I couldn't control this, you know, it's interesting. I had a woman share to me The exact same thing happened to her on the other cross card of the country um, I live in um In southern california. You can see uh, hopefully you can see I have an ocean view She was on the other part said the same thing happened. So maybe there was a solar flare or something that happened So I want to finish up the conversation. I'm certainly going to take questions in a few minutes because if you know my live stream I do take questions Before I do I want to share something with you very personal That affected me and my hope is um I my hope is to gain some clarity on why I approach my live streams with a lot of Passion and that passion also includes a bit of yelling in the process So um, and let me tell you what the impetus was for it shortly after the uh live stream was aired yesterday I received a phone call. I didn't actually take the phone call. It went into voicemail But I I heard the voice message and it was a woman berating me over the phone. She was calling me a jackass She was calling me an asshole. He was she was calling me a misogynist She was saying you're a fucking piece of shit and you don't deserve to be doing what you're doing And it's no wonder that you are single I felt like she went all will smith on me And I'm now calling it, you know, we used to call it a Karen now I'm going to call it a will smith And this deeply affected me. I mean it deeply affected how Me because I'd like to think I'm an advocate for women. I'd like to think I'm your big brother I've always say I'm your big brother. And if I was there on a first date I'd have the shotgun pointed at the guy's face and say You know, I pointed at the guy's face saying, you know, what are your intentions with my sister? My beef isn't with women. My beef is not with men My beef is with hypocrisy I'm going to repeat that my hypocrisy and Part of the reason for the hypocrisy and let me explain what I mean in a moment Is the unconscious Expression of blaming other people for one's own Choices I'm going to repeat that blaming other people for one's own choices I call this suckling on the nipple of victim consciousness and I don't mean nipple as a female nipple I mean whether it's a man or woman. You're suckling on your own nipple of victim consciousness And I'm not a big proponent of victim consciousness. So when I see victim consciousness I yell at the top of my lungs and let me give you an example or by the way Victim consciousness and hypocrisy. Those are my two big beefs victim consciousness and hypocrisy The hypocrisy is this this belief that ladies you're you're good communicators in relationship And I habitually witness women who are not good communicators in relationship Or do they actually speak up for themselves? I know many of you do and many of you don't So that's part of the hypocrisy And the victim consciousness is continually blaming others instead of looking inward This is why I recommend book after book after book after book And she criticized me for recommending books as if i'm not worthy of recommending this and by the way, there's a book I want to talk about today that will change your life. It's called the untethered soul by michael singer the Please there's a link below to jonathan recommends book If you want to learn how to talk to the voices in your head that creates victim consciousness that creates Hypocrisy, please read this book. It will change your life It will change your life and i've given this book to by the way, this is not an easy read Oh really one quick caveat only read one chapter in any given sitting and no more than two chapters in a day Do not read more. It's too intense And yet it will change your life So I even had a this woman who left this voice message for me really like I said affected me Because and and me and I have to look inside. Do I act angry? Probably a little bit. I do act a bit angry. I'm gonna own that and I'm in an endeavor to Come at this approach with a little more compassion. This is why my weekend videos are a bit more compassionate today I'm doing it on my balcony this saturday morning livestream for y'all And I know some of you are like when are you gonna get to the point of the topic? Folks, this is an important conversation Whether you want, you know, it's not about understanding the differences between men and women. It's understanding the differences within yourself The hypocrisy within yourself the victim consciousness within yourself That is the more important journey because if you can if you can shed all the weight That most of us are feeling do you know the number one emotional health issue for the average person is I'm not good enough I'm not lovable and I'm not likeable This is why I wrote my book what the heck is self-love anyway a journey of personal development self-help and spiritual work So we can create a vaccination to emotional chaos that comes From this deep pain most humans are feeling not maybe not even cognitively I will tell you a lot of people don't realize that they have deep pain inside Come back to will smith for a moment His outburst was because this guy has some real deep-seated pain And he has some most likely some twisted emotions going on within himself and unhealthy dynamics that caused him to outburst in such a way This is why that woman who left me a nasty message I send her love because think of how much pain it takes for someone How much pain someone's experience to call up a stranger on the phone? And berate them the way she did about me So I send this person love Because she doesn't know who I am By the way, folks if our lives were examined under a microscope we can judge every human being as bad We've all done things that are we're not proud of we've all done things that may be you know Might have hurt someone else in either intentionally or unintentionally As a father, I know I've done jackass things that was unintentional that hurt my children Sometimes intentional but sometimes it was just I remember getting angry at my son once because he was so belligerent At a birthday party that I erupted just like will smith and I didn't and by the way I actually hit my children so we talk about violence. Oh my gosh You know, I yes, I've made mistakes Sometimes it's just in the heat of something Slapped on the butt is more like what I'm talking about when I say hitting my children And and I'm not and I don't absolve myself of that behavior. I'm not proud of it This this is a deep scar that I'm holding just for that I remember one or two actions that deeply still to this day and I must forgive myself and sometimes that's hard to do But I only share all of this because we're all human we all make mistakes Because in some ways we're not different in the way we fall in love. We're very human One of the differences between men and women is men have been taught to stuff their emotions We as boys have been told to stuff our emotions. Be a man Be a man. Don't show emotion How do you think that affects us as adults for us? Baby boomer gen Xers Now we have a bunch of snowflake children because the pendulum swung the other way And there's got to be a healthy balance But I was told You know, I was told ladies Sadly, you were taught a different lesson. You were taught to be pretty and charming and nice You know, we were taught to stuff our emotions and use violence to demonstrate our masculinity That's what we were literally taught whether it was football or the sports we play and things like that So is it any wonder humans are rather dysfunctional? Is it any wonder that we operate differently? Because boys are taught one thing and girls are taught another thing And then this whole narrative that men are emotionally unavailable men are thirsty To want to connect to their emotional side those they're thirsty on some level because if they're if they've stuffed it Imagine the volcano that is ready to erupt Within men and that's why sometimes the venting would happen of will smith isn't just a simple example And again, I'm not absolving his behavior I'm in no way and I'm whether he's grandiose and narcissistic that his wife all that stuff I don't care what I care more is about you the individual I care about you finding that inner peace within yourself and all of you know that I lost a child Talk about the most horrific pain a parent can ever feel And I made a conscious choice I could grieve with suffering I could go to the alcohol. I could go to drugs as a way to numb the pain. That's a choice I could have destructive behavior. That's another choice. I chose to channel it by grieving with love In fact, that's where my book was birthed from was from the loss of connor I would rather our world be a bit more compassionate than judgmental That's my invitation for everyone. That's why when I shot the video the other day about will smith It was just I want to invite compassion and love again I'm not absolving bad behavior And do I think there might need to be consequences? You know what? I'm not here to judge that one way or the other I'm here to suggest how can we find love and compassion for each and every one of us Because we are not that different and yet we tend to operate differently based on conditioning based on biology Based on instinct based on socialization based on culture These are all factors and then not add then add to it traumas that happen in whether in our childhood or in adult life And this is a stew within side of us And the real Journey in my opinion is not whether or not you find a mate. The real journey is finding the mate within yourself That's my invitation for all of you All right, so let me wrap up the last few that I missed of the men fall in love different from women. Here we go So I said, let me just recap what I started with with part one is men might experience feelings of love faster I don't know if I agree with that, but we experienced lust faster Okay, men may say I love you first. I do believe that women tend to hold off saying I love you first waiting for the man Number three men women might say I love you more often. I actually believe that's kind of true Uh number four women may be more skeptical of men's commitment Sure, because it used to be had to get married to have sex now. There's no commitment to have sex Number five Men are more likely to feel like their love isn't reciprocated One of the biggest complaints by men after divorce is they never felt appreciated by all their efforts They didn't that's one of the common complaints by men Number One two three four five six Women are more likely to focus their love women tend to Focus more on what they they are percept at least this is my perception They focus on how much love they're giving how much love they're giving and they hyper focus on that instead of looking Are we a balanced relationship? Are we co-creating a relationship together? I do believe women tend to do that Men may fall in lust more What do you think love bombing comes from love bombing comes from limerence and lust limerence and lust Women and men look for similar qualities in long-term partner. I agree with that I agree men and women actually look for similar qualities within a partner. What kind of qualities are looking for By the way, we're talking about healthy human beings not unhealthy human beings So what qualities are they looking for kindness compassion fun play humor? stability self-reliance Both men and women and confidence Most men and women want the same thing and lastly both men and women can love love I think ultimately there's this belief that we men can't love And I've witnessed beautiful men. I'm in a circle. I'm in a group of about I talk at my call my spiritual community Which are about a hundred people within this group. It's a beautiful community of friends Roughly about 40 plus couples and I witness That's 80 80 people of which 40 are men These are men who are fully committed to the relationship. They fully love their partner They fully love their partner So and and are communicative and emotional and you know why I know this because we've done group therapy sessions We've done group workshops together my circle of friends. We do something called camp where it's uh It's group therapy meets pajama party meets cocktail party all at someone's home We sleeping bag and you know, we spend the night on the floor. It's a 24 36 hour event and we work on our stuff That's the group. I I'm so blessed that I get to hang out with people that go. Let's work on our inner world In fact, my book is one of the things we've talked about in camps before And I share this with you because yes, you know what is Dispressing as the dating process can be as much as I say it's a shit show out there There are also beautiful human beings that are thirsty for love And so I draw attention to the negative and sometimes I do it yelling and sometimes I even critical Of women and I'm critical of men. By the way, my opinion offend you. You should hear what I keep to myself I'm an equal opportunity of judgment of hypocrisy and victim consciousness as I said in the beginning of this broadcast And so to that woman who berated me over the phone who literally threw f-bomb after f-bomb after f-bomb at me I invite you to look inside If you're watching this you said you unsubscribe and you will tell none of your friends to watch me I understand my yelling might be a turnoff My yelling is simply a wake-up call to Scream at the top of my lungs to say folks. It's time my invitation for everyone It's time for a new narrative and yes, I'm a screamer in this particular capacity. By the way, if you watch my weekend videos I'm very Calm for the most part. I'm very calm if you watch my shorts my 60 second shorts. I'm rather calm I'm actually a fun person to be with I only yell on my livestreams because I'm trying to make a point So do men and women fall and do men fall in love different than women? I think unhealthy behavior such as attachment style love attachment style and the amago Are the unhealthy reasons people get attached to another human being the unhealthy reasons people get attached to a human being And I'm here to invite a more grown-up way So Are you ready for questions? Okay, so just to recap When I did the original livestream. I lost my internet connection. This is part two I'm just addressing some of the comments that I'd gotten now. I want to get to the most important part Did you find value in what I just shared did what I say make a difference in your life? Are you working on yourself? I hope so and I'm ready to take questions And if you know my format write the word question post the question there after or you can purchase a super sticker super chat All this is only for those listening the live stream all the monies from the super sticker super chat Those and there's a little dollar sign in the chat box goes to a scholarship fund in the name of my son Connor as like who passed away And we are donating another thousand dollars to the insight seminars and to the hoffman process To help their foundation and this is all coming from your donations in the name of my son Connor as like who passed away So I'd be honored if you purchased a super sticker super chat before we wrap up today All right, let's get into the nitty gritty. I see Kathleen has written a question Question do you believe fear will keep a man from embracing love even when he sees it right in front of him How to help him overcome his fear? It's a great question. In fact, my video tomorrow is about fearful avoidance and how to help that But here's the problem with people who fear love Until they can actually find the love within themselves. There's not much you can do to help them overcome that If you're a person if you're with a person who genuinely is afraid of love It could be decades. I'm I'm intentionally saying it's could be so long out in the future Be careful wasting your time With a person who's incapable of truly leaning into a co-creative relationship Folks most humans are in dysfunctional relationships because they're unaware that they're emotional maturity And relationship skills are rather weak Most humans are rather dysfunctional in the relationship skills. This is not a fact. This is an opinion So Kathleen Don't focus on trying to help him. He's got to help himself You focus on yourself. Is this the relationship? Are you in it because you're codependent to him? Are you in it because you need him to love you so you can feel good about yourself? Is that why you're in it because if you're not co-creating Then listen women will oftentimes waste somewhere between four to five years in the wrong relationship or more Four to five years in the wrong relationship My feeling is get busy living or get busy dying Don't invest in a relationship if a person cannot co-create together unless you're okay with a dependent relationship Your dependency on him All right, that's my two cents on that. Thank you so much for that question All right, let's keep going And watch the video that comes out tomorrow. Leah says question What quality women what quality in women are you having the most difficulty finding when looking for your match? Oh, so this is a personal question so well, I'd say Probably There's a this is an interesting question So I'm I'm genuinely looking for a person who is doing personal development self-help and spiritual work I mean actually doing the work versus reading a book or watching some videos. So that's someone who's really immersed into the work of Buddhism Kabbalah just to name a few from a spiritual perspective Abraham Hicks, Wayne Dyer Healing childhood wounds and traumas those sorts of things actually doing the inner work So that's one of the it's not a quality, but it's an experience that I'm I would say less than 5% of the population so right off the bat 95 out of 100 women probably don't Fit into what I'm looking for. I also look to do spiritual journeys with a person I want to do journeys where we go inward together as partnership I do believe One of the qualities is women oftentimes are either in their entitled Power they're in their entitled energy or they're in their doormat energy And I'm not attracted to either one of those so I'm looking for a quality of empowerment of of of Of real sovereignty of real self-love self-reliance self-esteem and also not caught up in you know, their past mistakes And people that are actually looking that come at it from a place of a beginner's mind Last but not least I want them to be into me the most important quality is that they're into me I've gone on dates where you know like here in Los Angeles. There's a lot of I'm dealing with a lot of competition There are hundreds of hundreds of men vying for every one every one woman's attention So I'm dealing with competition and I don't compete. I don't compete You're either into me or not and by the way folks. I'm meeting total strangers You all know me you seem to like me because we've been interacting for a long time When I meet a total stranger, she knows nothing about me So ideally that she's into me. She's self-reliant and she's into personal development Those are the three main things I'm looking for And she wants to do spiritual journeys with me. All right. Thank you so much for that question. Lee. I really appreciate it All right, let's keep going Oh Let's keep going question. Ms. P. G says Question do other women also think it's weird and turn off when Men cry hug do men's groups, etc. Do women do women with men like that tend to cheat with alpha type or fake alpha types? I can't speak for women. Do other women also think it's weird and turn off that men cry so So I suspect from your perspective. There is a biological Component that if a man shows a sensitive side that he can't protect you There's a belief that a man who can't who shows a sensitive type is a weak Person so I'm not surprised you might feel that way. That's not an uncommon feeling that that could be going on so I So to the extent that other women think it's weird that that happens, you know what? I'm each person's on their own journey. You're entitled to your journey. Men are entitled to their journey Um, certainly I cry and I get emotional when I think about my son Connor Who passed away? I got very emotional over that. I've cried at moments of real Compassion and love. I've cried at moments of that it brings me It it melt. I think crying oftentimes is a melting of one's heart I don't believe it's a weakness. I believe it's a strength true brunet brown Talks about true vulnerability is the most courageous thing So I invite you to look inward and ask yourself. Why is that a turnoff for you? It could be biot. It could be instinctual which I get But true courage is real true vulnerability in my opinion So anyway, thank you so much for that question. I really appreciate it We're not going to be going much longer today. So, uh, let's see. What questions do we have? Pamela Hyde says Do you believe will smith lost touch with reality due to his isolation with COVID-19? We no longer know reality versus virtual so slapping a man on stage is same as sending a terse text I believe his actions was I think of that moment when I I spanked my son when he was going he was just acting belligerent I literally had an absolute temporary insanity And I think in that moment he had temporary insanity Um, I'm not absolving that behavior by any stretch of the means. I mean there I think humans need to have self-control. I think he was probably triggered by his wife My suspicion was I don't know on and I don't know the particulars of their relationships I don't want to get into the nuances of the why but I'm sure he was triggered to the belief that he was defending her honor And he acted in that primal type of way It's it's not right, but you know, it's good about what happened. It invites a conversation I think what's more important rather than all the judgment towards him or chris rocker anyone else By the way, all these snowflakes feel I was so offended by it You know what? You know, we should be offended by There's a billion people in india. There are little boys and girls that have to literally take a dump of shit in between cars You know, you really want to see real problems then go to a third world country and look what they're dealing with Look what people in ukraine are dealing with and we are so fucking far removed from reality here in united states Because we're a bunch of self Ooh, I it's gonna go off Well, there's a lot of selfishness here in united states You really want to learn compassion spend time in the third world country and see what they go through But I can't believe so many people. I was so offended by what he did Really then sue him go him to take him to court if you are so offended by it take him to court I mean you won't because We gotta you know, we need to hear in the united states. We don't have a backbone anymore. We are a bunch of Whiny bitching complaining people victim consciousness. This is why I get so riled up victim consciousness and hypocrisy And listen, I have no idea if will smith's a good guy or bad guy. I like some of his movies. That's about it But you know what? I don't like all the judgment criticism contempt because if you look at a person's life under a microscope Like his life is being and they it happens to you and I you know what this is where karma comes back I'm a big believer in karma. This is why believe me. I I'm trying my best to really to Really look at the voices in my own head of judgment criticism and comparisons and I invite everyone else to do the same That's my two cents Take it for what it's worth. Thank you so much for that question We're gonna take one more before we wrap up Um god, I love all this that's happening on the q&a. Thank you so much Um, I know someone says violence should be punished. Okay. I'm you know, everybody's entitled to what they believe Question he blocked me after nine days didn't respond. I asked are you fine? He wrote only friends and chemistry We chatted after a month and a half. What's wrong? Cath hat um, there's that's a complicated question I don't want to get into it because there's so much to unpack there I have a lot of questions asked you'd like to schedule a free discovery call with me to see if working with the coach is right for you Um, check it out right here All right, folks. I've given you my opinions on some things. I know I'm going to be judged for my opinions This is a perfect example. If I'm judged for my opinions that proves my point We spend more time judging people's opinions instead of actually looking inward and saying how can I genuinely love on myself How can I work on myself to come from a place of compassion love kindness care humanity empathy? Human beings spend less time judging criticizing and being in contempt in their righteousness And then their victim consciousness and spend more time on their own individual compassion kindness care and love All this then then it's a vaccination to emotional chaos And that's my invitation for everyone All right. Thank you for allowing me to enter your homes or your your your smartphones or your t your computers today Uh to share this live stream with you part two of how men fall in love Different from women. I hope you found value in this. I'd like to hear your thoughts Please post a comment below this resonate with you if you have something to add I'd be more I do my best to read them all and i'm going to wrap up this video as I always do first off Give myself a big gigantic Jonathan bear hug of self love. I'm going to reach into the camera and give you a hug of love If that's okay I'm going to ask you to turn to someone a pat a teddy bear or a pillow teddy bear And give it or them a hug of love because hugs are a great source of love and let's face it We could all use more love in our lives. Thanks a bunch. Bye. Bye now Let's say goodbye to sherry and anita and miss pig miss pg. Excuse me And cathat and lj and jane and uh and pamela and sherry there you go And let's see who else we said mr c susan Everyone thank you so much have a fabulous weekend tomorrow. My video comes out about fearful avoidance. Hope you enjoy Take care. Bye now