 I think that ghosting has a lot of anxiety in it. There is not a lot of compassion in our society for that because it's like, why would you ever ghost someone because they're afraid to talk? What's up everybody and welcome to the show today. We drop great content each and every week and we want to make sure that you guys get notified and in order to do that, you're going to have to smash that subscribe button and hit that notification bell. And if you've gotten a lot of value out of this, make sure you give us a like and share our videos with your friends. I'm hearing a little bit of what to say when you've already committed and you want to uncommit. Sometimes we do say yes and then we think about it and we're like, oh my gosh, I really can't do this or oh my gosh, I'm going to be so overwhelmed if I do three things in one day. We start with, I know I committed to that and I took a look at my schedule and it will not work for me on this particular day. I know I said I'd be available to help you out but in actuality, I have other things that I have to get done. We have to, without thinking about how we'll be perceived, we have to take care of ourselves because the thinking about what the other person is thinking causes a lot of stress on what you could say, how you could protect them from that thought was the easiest way to say it. And really, we don't know. There have been many times where people have canceled on me, they have changed plans, they say no, they can't help me, you know, a doctor calls and reschedules an appointment and I'm perfectly fine with it. I'm not upset, I'm not mad, I'm not creating social media posts about these people. You know, it's just like, oh well, it's a part of life, you know, they got a flat tire, it is what it is. That's how I typically respond. Sometimes it does hurt my feelings and then I think, you know, as a human, I understand that people can't do everything and things come up. So we can't assume that people will always be mad at us because in actuality, most of the time, they're not when we're honest. I think that also waters down our own identity. We can't be all things to all people and we need to decide what actions and behaviors that we want to demonstrate that represents who we are and how we maneuver or navigate the world around us. And so supporting our friends when they're having events or whatnot and wanting to be a part of that would love to be there for everything, but we just can't and it shows up in our own frustrations and when we get tired, that's when our inner critic does a number on us. It has an opportunity to beat us up a little bit we need to reserve our energy and so we can protect ourselves because our own worst critic is certainly ourselves and we're worried about what a friend might say if we can't make their event. That's nothing going to compare to what we're going to tell ourselves when we get exhausted and allow the inner critic to take over. Well, I have not and I'm not saying never but I haven't heard many stories of people being on their deathbeds and saying, you know, I wish I would have helped Jake move. You know, that's not typically what we think about. We think about our relationships with people, the people we love that we're leaving, those sort of things, but oh my gosh, I wish I could have went to that party in 1957. You know, I don't think we're thinking about that stuff. You know, we have so many things to do as humans that doing one more thing could be that thing that really takes us over the edge. So there has to be not just compassion with ourselves but with other people when they have boundaries because other people can have boundaries too. They may want us to do certain things in the relationship for them. So the practice of boundaries requires a lot of patience and compassion. What stands out to me, especially in that example, is many of us who aren't used to being assertive will just end up ghosting, not showing up, not saying anything, and not realizing how much that actually hurts the relationship because it leads the other person to then fill in the blank instead of you just being open and honest and saying I overcommitted myself. I'm stretched really thin at work. I'm not going to be able to make that event. We've all been on the other side where we were really hopeful someone would show up. They RSVD, yes, and then they didn't show up. And now we're left wondering, like, do they not like me? We often don't think, oh, well, they just must have been busy at work or they are practicing self-care. We'll personalize it and say, oh, they don't want to show up for me. They must not like me. They don't value my friendship. And we hear from clients all the time who are worried about this phenomenon of ghosting. What does it mean that someone didn't respond or someone didn't show up and spend a lot of time and anxiety thinking about these things that we just can't control? So bringing that compassion to others, understanding that maybe they're not good at communicating their boundaries. Maybe they don't feel comfortable being assertive and that ghosting had less to do with you and more just them practicing self-care. We drop great content each and every week and we want to make sure that you guys get notified. And in order to do that, you're going to have to smash that subscribe button and hit that notification bell. And if you've gotten a lot of value out of this, make sure you give us a like and share our videos with your friends. I think that ghosting has a lot of anxiety in it. There is not a lot of compassion in our society for that because it's like, why would you ever ghost someone? Because they're afraid to talk. They're really anxious about speaking up. It can be really scary to say hard things. And so for the person who is ghosting, they may find it easier to leave a situation without speaking up for themselves because they don't really have to address it with you and deal with your reaction. Is it a kind thing to do? No, but is it an anxious thing to do? Absolutely. And many people do it because the fear of confrontation is very real. That confrontation, when it's continued to be avoided, just leads to even greater impact than addressing it in the moment. So I know for myself, I'm very conflict-diverse. It's an area of focus and work myself with my therapist to speak up in those moments to be clear with what's going on with me. So taking this example, one of the things that we hear time and time again from our clients is, well, what if they are upset with me then for expressing this boundary or letting them know that I just can't make it? How do I handle that? How do I handle the potential conflict? Because that's what leads to many people ghosting in the first place. Absolutely, that conflict. But how do we can't control another person's reaction? And that is the part that's challenging with all of the boundary stuff. I get so many questions about what is the easiest way to say, I don't want to come to your party. And it's like, hey, happy day. I don't want to come to your party. I think it's still going to be hard on it. You could be really happy and upbeat. You can smile and say it, but the end result is you saying, I cannot help you with this. I don't want to do that or I need this. That will still happen. And I don't know how we throw sugar on top of something that you think is going to be hard to hear for someone. Yeah, that point of being completely unable to control how someone else thinks feels in that situation is such an important reminder. Because looking for the easiest way, looking for the magic words to express this boundary, looking for ways that it'll have the least impact on the other person is still detrimental to your own self-care and will lead you down a path of not expressing yourself fully.