 The Jack Benny program quality of product is essential to continuing success It takes fine tobacco to make a fine cigarette and first last and always lucky strike means fine tobacco LSMFT LSMFT LSMFT Remember year in year out lucky strike means fine tobacco and in a cigarette It's the tobacco that counts season after season at auction after auction independent tobacco experts auctioneers buyers and warehouse men Can see the makers of lucky strike? Consistently selected by that fine that light that naturally mild tobacco fine light naturally mild tobacco Yes, lucky strike means fine tobacco and fine tobacco means real deep down smoking enjoyment for you So smoke that smoke of fine tobacco lucky strike 59 Don Wilson Ladies and gentlemen we take you back 15 minutes Jack Benny is in his dressing room where Rochester is trimming his hair Just a little more off the side Rochester. Yes You know Rochester may sound funny But when I was a kid I had the most beautiful head of thick golden curls you did Yeah. In fact, my mother was so proud of them she gave a curl to every one of our relatives. Well, you better write to them, boys. It's time to get them back. Hold on, Rochester. How much have you trimmed off the sides? Almost a handful. Good. Now sprinkle it around on top. A little trick I learned in agricultural school. Good old bandini tech. Yes, sir. Rochester, I thought you said you forgot my shaving cream. I did, but this stuff will work fine. Well, I don't know. Are you sure it's good for shaving? Yeah, it says so on the box. It does. I guess so, but I wish my face could have that oxidol spark hose, you know? Now, hold still, boss, while I lather you up. Maybe you better open your shirt first. Okay. There you are. Say, boss, why do you wear that penny around your neck on a string? It's for sentimental reasons, Rochester. This is the first penny I ever owned. You know that dollar I have framed up in my bedroom? Uh-huh. That's the first dollar I ever owned. You know that picture of my Maxwell that hangs in the den? Uh-huh. That's the first car I ever owned. That's the first car anybody ever owned. Rochester, you have to use that much. Hold still, boss. That looks wonderful. Phil, stop trying to blow the foam off. It's me. Get off my knee. It's not a brass rail. Sorry, Jackson. What do you want, Phil? Well, I'd like to ask you what number I should play on the program today. I've been rehearsing two of them all week. What are they? The one up in Stardust. What's the other one? That's what I like about the sound. You better play the first one, Phil. I don't think the public is ready for the second one. Go ahead, Rochester. Start shaving me. Oh, say, Jackson, I want you and the rest of the gang to come over to the house tonight. I'm giving a little surprise party for Alice. Surprise party? What's it for? Well, I think it's her birthday. Thing? Yeah, it's either today, March 12th or June 29th. Phil, for heaven's sake, you mean to tell me you don't know when Alice was born? That's not my husband, not her mother. All right, Phil, I'll be glad to come. Shall I have dinner first? Well, of course not. I got everything all set. I prepared it myself. Now, what are you having? Well, there'll be martinis, Manhattan's old-fashioned, bourbon highball, scottish... Fail, fail. I mean, what kind of food are you serving? What? Food, food. Well, how do you like that? I knew I forgot something. Rochester, you cupped me. It's about time you felt it. I did a minute ago. Why didn't you tell me? I thought you were dead. Don't be funny. Did you cut me bad? It's nothing, boss. I just dipped the stem off your Adam's apple. The thing? Now I have to buy a collar button. Not the party. I'll be at your house at eight o'clock. That'll give me enough time to buy a gift for Alice. I think I'll get her some candy. When you gave her candy last year, she never got to eat any of it. She didn't? Nah, she was carrying it upstairs and the bag broke. See, that's a shame. And those jawbreakers rolled so. I haven't put in a double bag this time. Uh-oh! What's the matter, Rochester? Did I cut you again? Can't you tell? Well, it would help if you'd bleed a little. I'm not gonna force myself just for you. What are you giving Alice for her birthday? Hey, Jackson, I got her right here in this little box. Let me show it to you. There. Ain't that a pretty? Oh, Phil. What a beautiful gold locket. She'll love that. Well, open it up, Jackson. There's a picture inside. No, I'd rather not. Phil, Alice should be the first one to see it. Well, we don't mind, Jackson. You're like one of the family. Go ahead. Open up the locket. Well, all right. Now, isn't that sweet? A picture of Patrello. That's very nice. Phil, you can raise your head. I closed the locket. Look, Jackson, I better get out on the stage and get my musicians ready for the broadcast. I'll be seeing you, huh? Yeah. Well, I guess I better get in the studio too. Rochester, wait for me here in the dressing room. Yes, sir. And you can tune in the radio and listen to my program if you wish. If I wish? Yes. Once I didn't listen to it I saw Terry confinement. Now, Rochester, you know I didn't compel you to stay in that room. No, but you took away all my clothes. Told me I was free as a bird and pointed the cat. I'll see you after the broadcast. Oh. Gee, that Rochester makes up the wildest things. But they're kind of funny. I wonder if he'd be good on the radio. Nah. He'd always be late for rehearsals. Yeah. I hope we have a good show today. Oh, Mr. Benny, excuse me. Well, hello, Mr. Kitzel. Pardon the intrusion, but last week you promised me a ticket for your broadcast. Oh, yes. Yes, I have one right here in my pocket. There you are. Thank you. You must like my program, eh, Mr. Kitzel? Oh, it's one of my favorites. I like your program, Fever, Magoo, and McGee. I date with Julia. Julia? And on Friday night I'm listening to people are schnooks. You mean people are funny. Hmm, with this ticket I'll soon find out. Oh, yeah, yes. Well, you better hurry in. I'll save you a seat in the first row. Laugh as hard as you can, will you? My heart is broken, and it tells me I should laugh. Your heart is broken? Why? Because yesterday my alma mater didn't win the football game. Your alma mater? Notre Dame. Did you go to Notre Dame? Woo-hoo-hoo. The four horsemen? Yes. I was the stable boy. Kitzel's time for the show. Okay, good-bye. Good-bye. Hey, Jackson, we're all set. Okay, Phil, let's go. And that strange click-clack in the back was his boy shooting dice. And now, ladies... I thought I was pretty clever myself. That strange click-clack in the back was... I wasn't laughing at that. What? I was reading a letter from Mama. Oh, oh, a letter from your mother, eh? Well, what does the Hildegard of Plainfield have to say? No, after her last letter, she had to join the radio writer's guild. Go ahead, let's hear it, Mary. Okay. My darling daughter, Mary, I received your last note and was very glad to hear from you. As you know, last Tuesday was election day, so your father got up early, went to the polls and voted for Hoover. What? He feels the ozer to him, because since 1928, Hoover has been the top button on his underwear. Father, he's so loyal. Go on, Mary. Your sister, Babe, has become a career woman and now has a very novel job. She's a lifeguard at one of those new fountain pen companies. A lifeguard at a pen company? If anyone writes help underwater, she dives in and saves the pen. What a girl. Babe also received a lot of money from a picture studio in Hollywood. She sent a photograph of herself in her bathing suit, and they sent her a check for $5,000. Your sister, Babe? They said her legs gave the idea for the spiral staircase. I knew she could do it. Hey, Mary, Mary, does Babe, does Babe still go with that slap-happy prize fighter? No, she couldn't stand it any longer. Why? What happened? Well, they'd be sitting in the living room, and every time the phone rang, he'd jump up, shake hands, and give her a right hook to the jaw. Oh, well, then I don't blame her. Well, Babe didn't mind getting hit, but she had to keep in training all the time. Well, go on with the letter, Mary. Okay. Last Saturday night, Pop and I went to a big formal affair, Aunt Edie's silver wedding. Gee, has your Aunt Edie been married 25 years? No, 25 times. Oh. Now don't interrupt anymore, Grant. Okay, okay. And Mary, speaking of Aunt Edie, do you remember little Harold, who was the ring bearer at Aunt Edie's first wedding? Well, that's the one she's married to now. Oh, what do you know? Outside of that, Pop and I haven't done much. Although, last week, we went to the movies and saw Merle Oberon in a wonderful picture. Gosh, she's beautiful. Your father took one look at her, then looked at me, and when we got home, I realized what Babe went through with that prize coin. Fortunately, my girdle broke, and I wedged him into a neutral corner. Yeah? Go ahead. Hey, your mother's a riot. Go ahead. By the way, Mary, I certainly envy you being out there in California. It was so cold here yesterday that Pop his teeth chattered all night. They made so much noise, he took them out of the glass and put them back in his mouth. Right again next week, your loving mother, Amber Livingston. Hey, that's a nice letter, Mary. Oh, wait a minute. Here's a P.S. I suppose Jack will start writing to us again now that Aramale is down to five cents. What does she mean five cents? I can get Rochester to fly it there for nothing. That's a good one. I don't see anything funny about that. Neither do I, Jackson. You don't? No. Rochester and his crazy jokes. Now, kid. Come in. Hello, everybody. What's cooking? Oh, hello, Dennis. Dennis, you're a little bit late. Where were you? Well, I'd have been here earlier, Jackson, but I stopped across the bar in a bar. You gotta live, Bob. You gotta live. Stopped across the bar in a bar? That sounds like chiss-sweet sandwich, isn't it? Dennis, you mean to say they served you a drink? No, they said I was too young, so they just spun me around on the stool. And me painting the town. Dennis. What's eating you, Bob? You want to fight? What's the matter with you? All they did was spin you around on a stool. Yeah, but they held my head in one place. I don't know whether I'm coming or Dennis. Well, leave me your Dennis and cut out all this nonsense. Okay. He hates me because I'm head loose and fancy free. Dennis, nobody hates you. Now, come on. Let's have your song. Okay. That kid can find more. Phil, where are you going? I'll be back in a minute, Jackson. Hey, Dennis, what stool were you on? Phil! You sang that beautifully. I wouldn't know. I'm loaded. Any more talk like that. You gotta be ashamed of yourself. Now, sit down. Yes, sir. And now, ladies and gentlemen, for our feature attraction tonight, we're going to do a sketch entitled The Strange Loves of Martha Benny. Whiffer is age. Marriage. Wait a minute, Jackson. Last week, you announced that we were going to do The Killis. Well, we were, but I'm going to postpone it until two weeks from tonight. Why'd you do that, Jack? Because Mark Hellinger, the producer of the picture, asked us to wait two weeks before we lousy it up. And by that time, the picture will have played in more cities. But what's the thing you're going to do tonight? Well, actually, Mary, it's going to be a story based on my career as an entertainer. It opens with the actual incident of my first appearance on the stage in Washington, D.C. I'll never forget that night. My performance was so great that right in the middle of my act, one of my fans got so excited, he jumped right on the stage. That was John Wilkes Booth. He was making his getaway. Chiss-sweets, chiss-sweets. Now, in this play, ladies and gentlemen... Before we do the sketch, what about the commercial? The commercial? Oh, yes, yes. Go ahead, Don. Okay. Ready, fellas? Not with them, Don. The quartet is out. But, Jack, you've got them signed for three more weeks. I don't care if they're signed for three years. And another thing, they've got an option coming up, and I'm dropping it. Okay, if that's the way you want it. Well, you fellas can take that offer you got from the Hollywood Bowl. It's all right with me, just so they... Hollywood Bowl? They had an offer from the Bowl? Yes, I hate to bring this up, Jack, but they were offered so much money that they... Oh, yeah? Well, I've got them under contract. They can't break it. I know because I've already tried. Well, all right, then. Will you listen to the commercial we've prepared? Well, what's it gonna be? Our musical background will be till the end of time. Oh, oh, well, that might be good. Go ahead. Ready, boys? L-S-M-F-T, L-S-M-F-T. Lucky strike means find the backhoe. Yes, lucky strike means find the backhoe. L-S-M-F-T. L-S-M-F-M-F-T. L-S-M-F-T, L-S-M-F-T, L-S-M-F-T. Don, Don, listen to this. Don, that isn't what I want. Wait a minute, fellas. Wait a minute, fellas. Don, just a minute, fellas. Wait. Don. Don. Don, look at me. Don, Donsy boy. Look at me. No, look, Don. Don, I'm being nice. Look. Look, Don, I'm smiling. Can't you see that that isn't in keeping with the rest of the program? It's too slow, Donsy Poole. I mean, it has no pep. Well, Jack, if you want something lively, just listen to this. What? The William Tell Overture. Hit it, boys. L-S-M-F-M-F-M-F-T. What a small, what a small, what a small, for me. L-S-M-F-M-F-M-F-T. It's a free and easy on the drop. Don. L-S-M-F-M-F-M-F-M. You guys are driving me crazy. I'm going mad. Over. I'm only taking the ones that were sprinkled out. And it's for you, Don, Wilson. You got me into this and you better get me out. Jack. I'm so mad, I'm not even going to do the sketch tonight. But Jackson, you got to finish the show. Let Don finish it. He's so smart, he knows everything. I'm getting out of here. Hello, Mr. Benny. May I have your autograph? Oh, shut up. 75 cents. How much is a bourbon and coke? 60 cents. Come on, buddy. Come on. What do you have? Just spin me around. Okay, buddy. Here you go. Bar's out of there. One more spin and I'll go home. Once more. Excuse me a minute. Now, will you gentlemen have the same as usual? Here, my old buddies, my pals. You know what, fellas? I've been mean to you. Yes, I have. I'm going to make it up to you. I'm going to make up your option and give you more money. Hey, bartender. What? Give these fellas a spin on me. Ladies and gentlemen, saving bonds are vitally important in the nation's battle against price inflation and for the future and welfare of us all. It is important that we, who have developed habits of thrift during the war, continue to build financial security for ourselves and our children. Protect your future by extra bonds now. Thank you. Give us a minute at first. Here is my good friend, Mr. L.A. Speed Riggs. L.A. Speed Riggs. L.A. Speed Riggs. L.A. Speed Riggs. L.A. Speed Riggs. L.A. Speed Riggs. L.A. Speed Riggs. Make no mistake. In a cigarette it's the tobacco that counts, and lucky strike means buying tobacco. Mr. James Maynard Talie, independent tobacco warehouse of Durham, North Carolina, has been in the tobacco business all his life. He said, sensing after season I've seen good tobacco bought by the makers of Lucky Strike. Yes, good tobacco, full of flavor, ripen mild. I've smoked Luckies for 18 years. Yes, year after year independent tobacco experts, Independent tobacco experts, men who spend their lives buying, selling and handling tobacco, men like Mr. Talley, can see the makers of Lucky Strike consistently select and buy that fine, that light, that naturally mild tobacco. Fine light, naturally mild tobacco. Yes, Lucky Strike means fine tobacco. LSMFT, LSMFT, LSMFT. Lucky Strike means fine tobacco, and fine tobacco means real deep down smoking enjoyment for you. So smoke that smoke of fine tobacco, Lucky Strike, so round, so firm, so fully packed, so free and easy on the draw. Ladies and gentlemen, we'll be back with you next Sunday at this time when our guests will be Mr. and Mrs. Ronald Coleman and Leo DeRosha. Good night, everybody. This is NBC, the national broadcasting company.