 We're the reigning champions, we're going to defend that title, even if we have to weaken to Bernie's this thing. But not Bernie, I mean we, you know. How are you feeling about your star quarterback? He's rested, he's ready, he's got his mind on the game, definitely going to live. Our team has never been this charged up, which is why we're filing motions to dismiss and a s**t ton of appeals. Are you going to give your quarterback a chance to call audibles? I don't think it's technically notable if you don't have a plan to start with. Is he going to take questions? Absolutely, through us. It's traditional for us to do an interview before the big game. That's great and just send him through our way and we'll get you, we'll get you his answers. Does that mean he's not sitting down for a one on one with us this year? What are you doing? You're supposed to be on our team. He won't be taking any questions personally, but he will be responding to everything we say in all caps on Twitter. Be objective, but be objective for us, okay? Can you talk about the offensive line? Which one? I can think of like a dozen offensive lines he's used in the past three days. You guys worried about the spending cap? What's the spending cap? Are you confident in his ability to execute? Yeah, yeah. Immigrants, panhandlers, it's going to get rough. Worryed about the drop in popularity? No, not a bit, not a bit. We're going to give the people what they want, t-shirts, free parking, college tuition, starter homes, surveillance. Game day, we are going to be ready to battle, which means that our fans will have weapons. Your star was looking a little shaky out there. It's not policy, not policy. It's victory jiggles, hashtag victory jiggles. Can you talk about the touch back? I'm not going to comment on an active investigation, okay? PMSNBC. Failing New York Times. Clinton News Network. You with the, you with the Chicago, but... Your captain's been having some fumble problems recently. He's been fumbling since the Nixon administration, okay? Can we quit pretending this is something new? Your captain's had plenty of fumbles too. No, no, no, no, no. Those are not fumbles. Those are strategic drops, okay? No, sorry. He's playing chess. You're playing checkers. Chinese checkers. We see you, TikTok. Are you confident in your backup? Are you, did he drop? Are you telling me this? Is this breaking news right now? Yeah, from this point on, it's nothing but shotguns and Hail Marys. All right? That's it. That's what we do now. It's quite a coalition. Can we expect a lot more man coverage? Uh, I have been told that we are not gendering coverage anymore. Your captain brought the playbook home with him? This again? Really? Isn't it illegal? Okay, first off, when the captain does it, it's not illegal. And second, he's not much of a reader. I'll tell you this much. He's going to come out swinging, swaying, tipping. He's, his balance is bad. He's a well-meaning elderly man with a poor memory. Their guy or your guy? I mean, I said well-meaning. A lot of crime around the stadium. Yeah, I think it's time that we send in the National Guard. You want to send in the National Guard? Yes, because we're tough on crime. I suggested that years ago and you cried. You said you felt unsafe simply because I had suggested it. That doesn't sound like me. Nope, I've always been tough on crime. You concerned about your star's focus? No, no, I know my guy. He's going to be locked in. Or up. Either way. Can you talk about changing the mascot? We didn't really change the mascot. It was a donkey. Now it's a donkey shitting cash. It's like a fun little green fountain that your grandchildren pay for. You changed the team logo? Well, we let the fans vote on it. And so now the elephant's pissing on a donkey. You fired all of your cheerleaders? We did. It is a sexist and objectifying institution. We're replacing that with something just as fun, struggle sessions, led by a bunch of preachy, misshapen, secular pyrtons of all genders. Your captain is in charge of the cheerleading squad now? Yeah, he replaced all the cheerleaders with his daughter, the one he likes. They're going to be a military flyover during halftime? Absolutely. It's going to be a bunch of jets and they're going to go straight from there to Ukraine to drop off sacks of money. You figure out your backup situation? Yeah, we think we got somebody who will lock up the south, or at least half of them. So once and for all, is Taylor Swift a Psyop for your side? Did she do it? Did she do the thing? Did that happen? Do what? She's not a Psyop.