 The very offender who just killed somebody at Imafidon Street The street after Akpata Junshon at Ego This is the lady who just killed somebody just now Calling for backup and trying to radio the police officers for rescue Over Thank you What's your name? So what's your name? Gift Gift? What tribe are you? You are from Deta Where do you live? Mother has talked to me Where do you live? Okay thank you So what are you here? You came to fighting in this house? Alright thanks for staying with us Now some people can be difficult to deal with Others can be a nightmare High conflict people they call them HCPs Thrive on conflict and unfortunately your normal Natural defensive responses to aggressive behavior Can actually make things even worse As the case that we just saw in the video This is one out of many stories we read all here these days Now can conflict be better managed? The answer is definitely yes However why do we still have cases of death When there is a conflict amongst partners Now that's the conversation for today please Let's hear what you have to say Remember you can join the conversation Send us an SMS or whatsapp to 081 80384663 You can also tweet at us at WeishawAfrica1 With a hashtag Weishaw Alright so before we go into the conversation I just wanted to quickly read what Linda Ikeji Had posted about this particular story And for me I found it really troubling That from the allegation It was alleged that this woman was having an affair And of course the partner or the spouse came and met her And I think there was a tussle That's what was said There was a tussle and eventually I mean There was a stabbing and a death right So the woman allegedly stabs a man to death in a do-state She claims he fought her after finding her with another person A delta woman identifies simply as gift Has been apprehended for allegedly stabbing The man to death in ego Local government area of a do-state And in the video scene She claimed that the disease of course he came to fight her Now you see I am from a do-state And I want to give a bit of context Because it seems like Growing up Every time there was a fight In a do-state When we left Kaduna state for holidays And we wanted to go and visit our grandpa Whenever there is a fight in a do-state I mean the next thing you see people It was a very rude culture shock for me The next thing you see people they will pick up bottles And be smashing it on people's heads Like they will smash it on somebody's head For the life of me I couldn't understand Why people would fight to that point of violence Because I was coming from a place Where we were very reserved and conservative And you not get to a place where it seems like Any little aggravation Is either you screaming on top of your voice Or you are picking up bottles Or you are picking up knives and all of that These are things that people are commonly used to In that area So it is possible that this kind of a fight Would have just been that kind of a fight That didn't think that it would get to the point of death But death has occurred Somebody is dead and somebody has been arrested That's why I am wondering and I am asking Really how do we begin to manage conflict Do we always have to get to this point The other day I think it was yesterday I saw a video Of a young man that saw his girlfriend in a club And he went with a big brick Smashing a Range Rover I can't remember what Is it the latest Range Rover vehicle That he had bought for her as a gift He smashed every single glass there So the windscreen, the side doors Everything he smashed the headlamps The rear lights he smashed everything So that is a reaction to That okay there was an aggravation Or there was an agitation And that is his way of reacting But you see the way he had picked up that brick To smash everything If he had the opportunity to smash her head He would have done it So why do we have to get to that point When it comes to conflict That we always have to go The violent way I mean a lot of times First of all most of the time This type of things happen right It happens when these individuals Do not know how to handle themselves First of all conflict is a part of Is a part of life Is a part of relationship It is actually important for People in relationships to fight Is normal But it's how you are able to Come out of it And you are able to Find a resolution That is what makes it better A lot of people have anger management They have issues with their anger They have to go for anger management Because a lot of times You blow things out of proportion Just take it for a few minutes By stepping away from this problem To avoid you being too violent To actually cause a destruction Conflict is something that It can be caused by stress It can also be caused by different things But because you know that It is something you cannot control The most important things For the individual to walk away That's just the best thing Because sometimes on result conflict Is what will cause resentment That you will see the person The person you have to be beaten And you will be more angry Right But at the end of the day You really cannot be in A relationship with someone And not have issues But it is how you are able to Come out of it Is how you are able to Suck out this issue That really helps you become better And in situations whereby You are not able to solve it You take some time off Because it is by This woman now I'm sure that at this point Because the video that I watched She was still looking angry Like her face wasn't remorseful It wasn't as if Oh my God, that wasn't the shock Of oh I've done something bad It's more of I mean It's look at her face now It's just as if she was like Oh well he deserved it He got what he deserved Because she kept saying He came to fight me He came to fight me Then you came back to fight him And another location And decided to stab him In the course of the fight For Alera If you look at the video For what you've said I mean she looks exhausted Look at her close all time There was a real fight There was a real torso Right Like I keep wondering Why I would get to that point Of provocation Right Even though I see Like see I've said it several times That there is no man born Under the surface of this earth Like by a woman Make me carry knife Or do anything You understand Even if I Even if I meet that man On top of another woman Like it's not inside of me It's not there I'm sorry I cannot Yes I am sorry I cannot suspend my senses Suspend my life Just because Yes I love hard I love passionately I can be very extremely jealous If I want to be Right I can be really really protective Of my territory But you see When I get to that point Where you have not respected The love that I've given to you And I get to the point Where I find you With another woman I'm sorry I'm not going to lose my senses And begin to act Abnormal Or begin to act irrational Because now Yes true There is a case of a death What happens to you as a person You are gone Right You're going to jail Your life is completely gone Right Yes Completely gone So all that pleasure Or whatever it is To gain You have lost everything You know So for me I still don't understand Because this is not This is not one case This is not two Just go on social media Go on social media This is the multiple This is the multiple case Of different individuals In different parts of the world You know Taking laws into their own hands First of all This thing you said A few seconds ago regarding You not doing any of these things It's just because You have your individual That is able to identify Your strengths And your weaknesses You're able to You know your worth And you know what you deserve Because one thing That a lot of people do not understand Is that When you decide to be In a relationship Either if it's a family Thus a platonic relationship If it's a work relationship Or a romantic relationship The fact that you've chosen To be with another individual You should be prepared to understand That the both of you Would have conflicting goals You would have conflicting motives You would have needs and wants That are very different From the other person's own Right? You guys don't have different personalities You have different backgrounds You have different upbringings So why would you think that By cohabiting Or by being with somebody You're thinking that it's going to be perfect It's not going to be perfect And that's the reason Where a lot of times People actually You know put things in place I mean I have seen couples That they talk about Before the problem comes They've actually discussed To say okay you know what How do we resolve issues How do we settle some things And if you think about it They will be even Address and approach This type of conflict Is important Because communication Is one of the most important Ways of resolving conflicts If you're not able to Speak with your partner Or speak with your loved one To let them understand How you feel Because at the end of the day The person behaving The way the person is behaving Is not really Sometimes it's not Okay to blame the person For hurting you For instance You hurt me There's every possibility That to that person He or she did not hurt you He or she was basically Maybe doing what he felt Was right or wrong However the person's action Was what hurt you Right And in that situation You have to find love yourself To be able to respect yourself Enough to walk away From something that doesn't serve you Instead of staying And allowing anger To build up to the extent That you're not able to control yourself And then you're committing murder Because at the end of the day The lady claims Go ahead Sorry Go ahead At the end of the day Yeah I said at the end of the day They say I would have cried this year Of course Which means that When you've been doing that thing At some point you'd be like Oh my God Because I'm sure when they say When this man goes to court And the judge gives his verdict She's going to definitely Regret that action Because you're going to That is a life imprisonment Or I mean That is death by penalty Because you took somebody else's life That's murder You know I was going to say that Does it matter the kind of provocation Or the kind of crime It doesn't matter No no no Because some people would say that Is it a crime of passion or whatever Because I think she was claiming Something around self-defense Right Yes That he was the one that came To attack her first That's what she was saying That he didn't attack me And he didn't attack me And hurt me first And hurt me for the place where He tried to fight me Say that you and you Come around to fight me And then The squabble ended up Becoming so serious That it ended up Becoming a death A death situation Which is really crazy But I mean At the end of the day What we are trying to do Is we are trying to see How we can Pass this information to people For them to understand That you can control your anger You can control yourself At the end of the day Who is important to you it's you so if you're in a relationship when you're in a situation that is not serving you you do not have to wait because anger is something that builds up it's so evil and so crazy that one tiny thing if you do not address it it begins to grow and begins to grow to become so big dad the other day when you're even trying to settle this matter you'll be wanting like way too is this this thing that made me angry like this that was almost you know tearing the place down so sometimes you just go to sit down and just think and sit down and just take something take a bath in order for you to not just do something that is going to you know make you get worse there are different types of conflict and at the end of the day it's always important that we learn and we're able to identify this you know these triggers just so that it's either you take yourself away from the situation or you look for a way to ensure that this individual that you're with does not you know trigger you or push you to become to become worse than it already is because at the end of the day you're the one that will suffer the problems at the end of the day absolutely well i just want to ask a question i beg is there anything new under the sun haven't we seen like you know day there is a time people have been cheating since the beginning of time people have been betraying each other since the beginning of time people have been hurting each other right but the truth is there are consequences to every action and whatever the consequence is you have to just like what Christians and muslims and religious you know believers they believe that there's heaven and there's hell and if you don't do right you go to hell right so that's how life is supposed to be handled because there's always the good and the bad so if you are willing to stick to the bad then you know that there is always a consequence because first of all taking a life is like i'm not a lawyer but i know i feel like it's one of the biggest crime ever because you cannot even give a life like it is only god that gives life but you choose to take it because you feel like you can or just because of the anger that just allows you to lose control so so i was going to ask that is this a deeper problem of what we find around us culturally as Nigerians where there is a problem instead of you to sit down and communicate and express what that problem is you know you rather choose the side of violence you know to resolve that thing because now i mean as i mentioned earlier this is something that is commonplace in a dual state my my father would tell you that you know when he wanted to get married to my mother oh they said in that family if it is for cheating they don't cheat if it but are you ready to for the war because when the war starts you know now fight basboos and all of them my father said the problem do you understand like so it's i'm thinking is this a cultural thing right because but then again there was another woman that was provoked to the point where she killed her husband in canoes state i remember or in the north one of the northern states so is this is this a deep-seated cultural problem that we have not learned and understood how to manage conflict all best that we know how to do is when there is a conflict we just retaliate or we react as opposed to responding because you see i like what you said that when there is a situation if you just take two steps backward and look at that situation there's every likelihood that you'll be rational in your response and that is how response are what we see these days are reactions so something happens and this thing goes beyond even relationship with our government everything is reaction right something happens instead of you as a person to handle the situation you would rather go the route of um just clamping back fighting back and all of that as opposed to you taking a step back looking at the situation processing it and then responding to the situation because when you respond to a situation there's every possibility that it's going to go smoothly you are not going to act irrationally you will not go back and look back and regret it so there's a strategy that i adopt whenever i'm upset i keep quiet you know i keep quiet not because i do not have a lot of things that i'm really really wanting to lash out and say but i have learned that the words that comes out of my mouth i can't take it back so when there is a situation my strategy is i keep quiet and i step back and i observe i get to the point where i am calm enough to express the hurt or the pain then you then find me talk about it you know some people might not be patient enough to do that but you see that is a discipline that i have learned over the time i was not always like that right yeah i have learned that discipline over time how to calmly respond to situations well i don't know how people do these things these days you know what but hey i i still feel like you know we have a deep-seated cultural problem that we need to start exactly learning and relearning part of the world so so what i've observed is that in this part of the world the i mean your you individuals do not are not encouraged to express themselves individuals are not encouraged to be vulnerable individuals you know you know the way you go to school and you learn mathematics you learn english you learn there are there are ways to learn relationship because you don't know we all we all move go into relationship even if it's just regular friends right platonic friends we don't actually know how to treat each other but most of the time if you're exposed to you know being able to converse with people you're exposed to being able to i mean you're you're being enabled in in an environment that you're able to express yourself and able to you know be able to you can you can shift certain things aside and just focus on what it is because at the end of the day in families you will hear that oh my mother never told me she loved me my mother always did this or my father always did that and that is from the childhood from childhood traumas that did not grow up to become whoever they are because in their community they did not know what it meant to be assertive they don't know what it means to calm down or to go to a therapist or to go to a a counselor when something is not working right in the relationship because sometimes it's just the heads on heads on we want we have to fight you have conflict of interest you have difference in personalities you have difference in standard and expectations i mean the lack of communication and this and difference in communication style also also affects relationships because a for instance the husband prefers to okay let's let me give an example the wife has a bad day and maybe the husband did something to annoy her and then he comes back from work let's say around 10 p.m facing legal traffic and immediately he enters the house she's like and honey this is what you did to me and she she starts to bombard him without things at that moment you don't know what is in that person's head and most of the time if you are not assertive they are assertive enough to be to understand yourself and your individuality you might end up flipping because it's two sides of the coin it's not just one side like there's one person and then the other person so that's why a lot of times it's always good to have conversations with the person you are in a relationship with in order for you to understand the best way to handle situations if not you will be able to in fact this it came to me going to be worse than this no well let's go on a break right i want us to continue this conversation and hopefully find solutions there were some points that you made i'd like to reiterate that we'll take a break we'll be right back all right thanks for staying with us now if you're just tuning in we're discussing conflict management and relationship and we're of course spotting the red flags now please let's hear what you have to say remember you can join the conversation send us an sms or whatsapp to the rate one 803-4663 you can also tweet at us at waste show africa one with the hashtag waste show all right so um before we went on a break alero i mean there were some really salient points that you made and this is what i always say to people i have learned you know based on experience and the number of years that have been in a in a was called a committed relationship i have learned that um first of all the biggest mistake you make going into any relationship is that line where they say the two shall become one right so automatically the person just believes that we are one and you expect the person to just be like you know there and it's not nothing no it doesn't work that way so i think some of these lines that we take in terms of marital vows should be re re evaluated and you know some should be completely expunged right because you see the reason i'm saying this and i'm saying it is all sense of what's called um responsibility is that you see when you come into a relationship even a friendship i was talking to a friend of mine i just finished her project and i was saying to her that i am sure the time you were contracting us to do this this project for you i am sure you didn't have 100 trust in us she said of course i said yes but what has happened today that we have delivered the project now the trust has been built do you get so but you see a marriage or a committed relationship is something that you just go in immediately and you expect the other person so again this is why when certain things happen you're not able to comprehend it and you're not able to uh mozikot understand it and you're not able to access it properly you just find yourself acting irrational because you you have too many high expectations from this person so when you enter a relationship treat each other as strangers right treat each other as strangers then over time as you begin to grow in that relationship or the partnership or the friendship you then begin to understand everybody okay this is what this person like that not that you just from day one you just expect the person to just automatically just be there for you and you are there for the person it doesn't work that way because when things like that happen right that is where you start to have i was he called um so many emotions that wells up on your inside and if there's a slight disappointment you then find that you are not able to take that disappointment and it ends up it ends up in things like this and you made mention of something around you know vulnerability right that people are not encouraged to be vulnerable you know they don't show any sign of weakness and this goes both ways i have seen girls that have been raised that no if they punch you punch them back i mean i remember many years ago that i was i was in i was in bell in secondary school i just entered maybe jesus one or something before then if my oldest sister slapped me i slapped her back or she hit me i hit her back so i just decided you know what one day at least i've given my life to god you know one day she just came and the usual thing there was a there was a small squabble and she hit me and i just held my hands and i was looking at her like she was really expecting the fight and do you know that that was the last day there was anything of physical confrontation and mind you i have never fought in public like say somebody outside this was only within my house and i still did not find it comfortable doing that so when she hit me that day i just held myself and i was looking at her and that was the even by herself she didn't realize that i don't think this is the best route to solving any problem and that was the end of anything called fight or conflict amongst the both of us so now it is an issue we face it head on with big big english do you understand so i'm just saying that people are not people are not ready you know to just take a step back and understand that these things are beyond what you have been taught because i can imagine where this lady is coming from do you understand if i don't state i'm just thinking how are my people behave you know there's a lot of aggression that happens you know and it is it's a function of even you are joking said you go pick bottle you they laugh you go pick bottle do you understand so at the end of the day if we really think about this day let's let's even let's i don't know if it is supposed to for us to to move away from the i mean get somebody is dead right but you know how Nigeria is some men quick to hit women when it comes to conflict so there's very possibility that this man has been hitting this woman countless times that she couldn't take it anyone she's like you know what whatever wants to happen to the next happen but there's no excuse for any action because of course for every action there's a reaction so the man must have actually you know pushed her today because i am very certain mostly rural areas men actually find it very busy to just want to hit everyone i remember very well my very first driving school the man the person teaching me how to drive the driver i was you know when you're driving learning how to drive for the first time now you've been making mistakes you're scared and all that this guy said he was going to slap me oh i thought he was joking my friend day he said i will slap you now better be able that huh from where to be a we say i said the woman woman woman is woman is be a there will be time to correct them now i was like wow this is this is this is the mentality of most men in this part of the country right or even in this part of the world because a lot of time they feel like violence is the answer for which to hit women so it's possible that this woman was pushed nobody that doesn't excuse for it but it's also to boil down to you know your background and things you have been exposed to because these people are not exposed to what is vulnerability they don't even understand what that means they don't see when people that are learning there are so many learned people at the moment that do not even express affection or or even encourage you know openness in their home so these children will grow up and become something else in the future and then you start to wonder how did it happen where did we go wrong in so many ways it's something that has to be invited and in a human being from when they are young i wanted to discuss i wanted to quickly discuss um go ahead you know a couple of a couple of resolutions you know just to see how the things that how people can actually just because to be honest the type of things that we experience in in in relationship if only we are able to think of a better way it will it will get up to this if the woman has actually thought about a resolution it wouldn't have gotten to the point whereby she's actually you know feeling feeling another human being the person that i would say is be respectful the first thing is to respect yourself because if you do not respect yourself as an individual when somebody is treating you in a way that you do not like you would want to you probably be enduring and acting like it's okay but if not but before you know the moment you continue to endure a time will come you will just you know blow you will burst out and then you will not lose control so the first thing is to respect yourself the second thing is through your word widely because to to prevent conflict you have to be considerate of what you are saying to the other person before you utter words out think about the consequences because honestly there's some consequences that can aggravate you know situations to make it violent which we actually are trying to avoid to prevent conflict is actually be quick to apologize it's not going to take anything from you even if you feel like at this at this moment you are the one that is right just for peace to reign and for for the fact that you are considerate to the other person you have to understand that it will pass and then the both of you can now sit down and sort out the issues you know one on one if you are not able to do any of that ask for help there's too many um mg alls that actually help people you should know you know seek help guess guess it's psychology so it's like so i that can handle you allero i was going to ask you what's the worst thing that a man can do to you that would just drive you up the wall what's the worst like personally right yeah um but this is a very difficult question and the reason is because from from from when i was young i was lucky enough to have a father that taught me how to express myself i will walk away and i love myself too much to allow anybody to thank you all that and the way i will treat myself so that's the reason why i'm able to understand that some people don't have that upgrade and it's our duty to try as much as we can to iterate and keep you know communicating this system how we can help others i will walk away thank you you know i was going to say too and people think that when you say those things you do not love the person no like i genuinely love people deeply i genuinely love people deeply but you see if if my love for you would be rubbish to the point where i begin to have so much hatred for you or i begin to resent you or i begin to not even the feeling or the thoughts of harming you i'm not doing myself any good because you have to be so heavy to be so heavy to what the point you have to be so heavy that you wouldn't even i mean you can't even do other things i remember though the time a friend of mine we had a fight like it was an argument that honestly and in that moment so that seems the person has done the worst thing in the world and luckily for us it was the network that caught the call that we didn't we couldn't connect to each other in that moment where we know having the heated conversation and the next day we just nothing happened and the one we remember they're like come on we're so angry we were actually angry yesterday we're like yes we're angry we're laughing about it all more from god for patience because you'll have to take it thing back it's okay we understand you're human you'll be angry anger is a normal thing but it is left for you to check yourself to be self aware to be self conscious to understand your your your attitude when you know how you're reacting to things just so that you don't do things you know and end up in trouble because that's what absolutely let's take some comments okay i have um i have a couple of comments here um greetings be to ladies of ways please what are the at the advantages and disadvantages of the new note at the game cost of producing the or the cost of producing the notes very but the investors using cost of stop other imminent issues facing the country at the moment bensin i mean bensin this your question is very valid right but i mean from from the from the details that we got i think uva uva can also help in providing more context to that from the details we got they are just trying to avoid the circulation of fake currencies and you know try to avoid a couple of issues that have been happening in the country just to ensure that the naira is being you know secured well can you just help us more like i'm not going to help you we are bringing in an expert on friday so we should tune in on friday okay bensin please thanks to you though on friday we'll have an express that'll be able to give us more details on this absolutely let me quickly read um another comment um the more emotional you are the less logical you are the less logical you are the worse you communicate always take the time to relax and calm down before you try to resolve a conflict when you try to resolve a conflict and become upset you will do something you regret this is for mobe kelezi mobe kelezi thank you so much and it's just the truth take take some time back and just relax think about it because you love this person because most of the time oh i feel lost is that the type of anger you feel is as heavy as the type of love you have for the person oh yes because we don't love the person you will not be that angry so you just like i love you this much let me just relax because this anger is too strong so you calm down yeah so and again people begin need to start to practice the act of self love right yes because if you love yourself enough you will not do anything to jeopardize your future or your life or your happiness or your joy right so if i'm if i love myself enough no matter how upset i am with the other party i will not kill that person not because the person is not deserving of the death is because i love myself too much you understand yeah too much too much to put myself in a messy situation where i then eventually completely ruin my life do you understand my point practice self love once you give yourself enough love there are some actions that you will not find yourself so when i talk to my kids right i don't tell them do not do this do not do bad thing do not i don't give them all that lecture what i say to them is this is your vision this is your goal this is where we are going right does this action or the action you're about to take does it fit into that goal that future that you have if the answer is no by yourself you will recalibrate your mind and you just step back away from those bad habits right i don't need to tell you what to do or what not to do your vision your future the love that you have for yourself and the the goals you have for your life will tell you i do not want to end up in jail so i mean that is how i treat my kids so i tell them whatever it is that you're doing think through it if it is worth it then go ahead if it is not worth it you know what to do right so i mean that's how i approach life and that's how i approach relationships you know because and guess what it is the people that you love the most that hurt you the most so when you already understand that principle why don't you learn how to come no matter how bitter no matter how pain i've i've gotten so much pain to the point that you know i my heart begins to palpitate just by thinking about the person i told myself do you want this for yourself if you die uncle won't the person continue their life so i just i mean at some point at some point you just have to you have to grow some balls and just say you know what i love you but i love you from afar right whatever it is that you're doing you're hurting me i don't want to get to that point where i begin to lose the idea of hurting you right so let me take a comment yeah okay it says anger management is key for everyone who has said it or keeping quiet and cool in the face of provocation or walking away is necessary at the heat of squabble you may be provoked to the extent of to the extent of committing murder apart from committing murder says something that can never be erased even after reconciliation so this is my take thank you and that's what i said when i'm upset i do not even speak i keep quiet when you see me when you see me when you see me quiet know that i am very very livid and the reason i am quiet is not because i do not have things to say it's just i don't want to say something i cannot i cannot take back because words are like eggs once you say it is gone it's broken you can't piece it together so i'm very careful what i say so if i don't want to say something i cannot take back i do not just say it at all i mean people should just learn that actor is a lot of see that thing is painful in itself being patient being quiet in the midst of a conflict it is the most difficult and the most painful thing to do but when you begin to train your mind right you then realize that everything just becomes easy now it's so easy from any if you like insult me from next day i know get your time i know the answer anyway i'm serious that's what you feel that's how you feel that's okay i remove myself from the equation it's not that deep it's not that deep all right so let me take another comment good evening my beautiful sisters or what are you saying conflict management in relations is spotting the rec flags our actions must fit in into our goals according to sister what it has been it has to be worth it sister what why is a beautiful lady like you stayed alone in the studio all by yourself where are all the ladies please let me ask all of them Daniel hello our way to have fun we don't know whether it is few that cost it or it is flooding or whatever it is they're tangled for virtual participation but hey alea if you had like a final thoughts to put together and piece this together let us quickly touch on spotting the red flags how do we begin to do that okay i mean there are a couple of red flags that we we need to pay attention to and this and the funny thing we red flags that if you don't observe you will never know you will miss it so one of the rest i will actually list a couple of red flags and i'll explain a couple of them just quickly before our time runs out um some people have abusive behavior and like it might be abusive with words or or be you know physically but when you notice that somebody has been abusive you have to just start a red flag you should just look for a way to run away that's why it is like the biggest one of them all that people don't even realize it when they are doing it to them that's why it basically is just about what you have seen you do not see it how you feel you're not feeling it your head you think you're thinking it's in your head the person will make you feel like if you are actually you know just imagining everything sometimes these people these individuals try to isolate you from other people most of the time mostly in relationship oh you come and live with me with your family and come and stay with her take care of you that when the person is not staying with you the person will cut out cut make the individual cut all ties with every other person that's a very good sign to run away from smothering is another thing the person just wants you to be around the person all the time you are around me all the time that's a red flag because you are supposed to be your own individual you are supposed to have your own sense and be by yourself and be having another person around you should just compliment you basically then maybe the person is always rude or the person is always snooping around checking your phones checking your things just you know trying to look for problems or if the person actually has anger issues because that's another red flag why you notice that somebody had anger issues you should actually run away or even a narcissist people that believe that they are all that that just see themselves as everything and if you don't choose them like it's like a second for the problem so most of the time this red flag is a thing that you need to pay attention to and if you do not pay attention to this you are actually going to spot if you even realize that you have gotten too deep because you love this person so much and the person is showing you know abusive and negative characters that you will just think that oh he will change but you need to pay attention to red flag so that you actually end up saving your life and also saving the life of the next person because anger can make you do worse than you can imagine absolutely i was just going to add to that you know that um invest in personal growth and development personal transformation i think where i am today is because i spent a lot of money a lot of time i dedicated a lot of time going in for different kinds of trainings trainings on mind programming trainings on personal belief systems and everything just deconstructing my stroke my my my foundation and rebuilding something new right so i mean if you learn the act of personal personal growth and personal transformation you are constantly improving on yourself you know as a human being there is absolutely no way you be caught in this trap of you know i mean look at the other couple that was viral all over social media that the lady set the house ablaze that if you only took alive that's another abusive relation so that's what i'm saying to you that you know you you get to the point you're not even thinking again you've lost your senses are completely gone you lost your senses so i mean you must invest in personal growth and development anybody that is not growing you are not learning something new and you are not growing you are a danger to yourself and you are a danger to the world and i was going to add this final thought that what you cannot take as a person 20 years down the line do not start to accommodate it today because guess what the partner does not change the person does not change right you know so that behavior it only grows it it broadens and it begins to now it now becomes an irritant to you so whatever it is you cannot stomach you cannot tolerate now do not i mean i mean 20 years down the line do not start to stomach it now because guess what those are the things that eventually agitates you to the point when you begin to commit crime you know in the name of oh it was love that made me do it so please let's also avoid this some of these things are avoidable some of this death are avoidable and we can truly rise above this but thank you so much allero i think we've had a fantastic conversation thank you to everyone for sending the messages we're hoping that people would do better we're hoping that we're going to see less of these issues around killings of spouses or of partners please we need to start to talk to ourselves now before we go and show you follow us all over social medias at waste your africa you can interact with us further drop a comment and more importantly follow all our engagements on social media like share and invite your families and friends to watch and follow the conversation now if you missed our quote for the day here it is again a strong relationship requires choosing to love each other is a choice either in those moments when you struggle to like even sorry even in those moments where you struggle to like each other i mean the choice of being with someone is a choice right so even when you are angry you still choose right to just love each other so that is a sense that yes you are ready for a relationship but if you are if you are not there emotionally do not go into one we'll see you guys tomorrow at 8 p.m. our ladies night out as we bring another great conversation to your screen enjoy