 You can now follow me and all my social media platforms to find out who my latest guest will be and don't forget to click the subscribe button and the notifications button so you're notified for when my next podcast goes live. Basically, it frightened me at 12 years at first and I'd done a plea bargain and got four. So I was out in two, but that was long enough for me. That wasn't good. That was how I kidnapped him? Yeah. And I was actually abusing that relationship. You know, I've been stabbed in that relationship. Lost a crazy shit there. And then, you know, constantly put down, told I got tiny penis. Told that I was really ugly and it actually, I was actually started to believe it. What's the most budget fucked out of there? Probably about 10. I actually took a penis injection that day because I knew how big she was in the game. It's awful, right? This can't fail. So I jabbed up and it was, when you have the injection, it's the biggest erection I've ever had. When I was hearing that earlier, as I say, it was just, it wasn't good. I was getting hot and sweaty and it was just because she was saying that with her mum and I was like, no, that was abuse. She's like, no, no, no. Like, and then the guys in the car and all that. And like you say, I think she was like, she was 10 years old. That was abuse. Ben, we're on. OK, let's do it. And today's guest, we've got Paul and Starr, Demi and Oliver. Yeah, mate. How are you? Yeah, good, thank you. There are messages on there. You sat behind the scenes. Like, how was that for you? She went pretty dark as well, a bit of a past. And like, obviously, you just have your orgies. You just have your parties. You just escort them together. Only fans, porn. But how is that listening to our story more in depth? Yeah, I mean, it's hard being there and not be able to say anything. I didn't want to start saying things out and coming across as the controlling person when you're having your one-to-one. But normally, I would say things to comfort her or if I don't agree on something, when we talk about these things, we've had our heart to hearts. So it's quite difficult at times to sit there and not say anything. And obviously, I don't agree with a lot of it. But, you know, that's her past and we're here now. Yeah, but you seem to get on OK just to do your thing and kind of block out the past. Is that all the shagging and all the parties and that? Is that helped with the pain? Yeah, sometimes. But then also, there's the other side to us where we're both good parents and, you know, we've bought that Merlin passes for the kids which gets us into all the attractions whenever we want. And we do a lot of stuff like that, family stuff as well. So that is a distraction from our past and our mental health as well. That's that's good for us. Yeah. I always go back to the start for my guests. Yeah. Where did you grow up and how it all began? I grew up in South East London. Yeah. I was all my childhood was with shit, really. Nan and granddad both had cancer started for my nan breast cancer. So every day after primary school up to the hospital in London where I would spend every evening up there and that carried on to secondary school until the point when I died and then we had to care for my granddad because he was lonely and heartbroken for my nan. So yeah, there wasn't really much of a childhood. Mum and dad breaking up and there was, you know I spent a lot more time with Nan and granddad who was up my parents. So that was that was quite hard. When they died about when my nan died at 14 that was when I kind of went off the rails. I was still used to my granddad most days but in the other days it was almost like I was playing catch up and all the other people that had gone out try drugs was fucking and you know things like that breaking the law basically. So I kind of caught up, overtook everyone and did it all the mad shit in a quick space of time and landed myself up in jail. What age? That was by 17 I was in jail and then you know there was a whole thing of being kicked out of school and all that sort of shit as well. And then yeah just finding myself in a lot of trouble fucking around gangs and doing bad shit, you know. Yeah, ain't it mad though but it's kind of the same patterns with the broken homes. Yeah. Ain't it? But the no stability, like because all we just want to feel is love. That's it. As a kid, as adults, like when you're in a relationship or somebody loves you it's the best feeling in the world because it kind of numbs your pain. Your pain's not there then it becomes a drug but that's when you end up becoming obsessed or because you're chasing something just that feeling of not feeling worthless or empty, like. Yeah. But all the same patterns from people in the porn industry like drug dealers, gangsters, like it's all from broken fucking homes, man. Yeah. And the patterns are there, it's clearly there to see. Like I've interviewed 300 people and it's always the same like probably the best grandparents on the planet like you would do anything for them but it's still not enough because it's not your mum or your dad, like. Yeah. What was it like your first time in prison? It was hard to be honest. It was only four months due to my mum was saying about trying to pay for bow and trying to avoid it. I said mum, don't worry, it's fine. I knew a lot of people that was in there so I felt like I had that bit of protection but it was still scary. So as soon as I went in there and started getting strip search and all this stuff then it kind of hit home you know, you go in the door to the wings you know, you're in this cage. That's closed and then you're in there. It's like shit, you know. All this craziness going on with people, you know, some big guys and you're like, okay fuck, how's this going to go down? And it's that level between not being a cocky person but not being a bitch as well. So you've got to just try and work it all out but it was all a big test for me. But the main thing was I just kept my head out of trouble and just tried to keep fit and as quick as I could. What did you do when you came out? I don't think the sentence was harsh enough to be honest because I came out and carried on the same which was, you know, fighting doing dumb shit like that getting on drugs, you know, usual shit. It wasn't until I got into my long-term relationship and had kids that I got a heavier sentence and that was the one that really changed me and I learnt about who I was for the first time it seems during that sentence. What was that sentence? It was basically a threat to me at 12 years at first and I'd done a plea bargain and got four. So I was out in two but that was long enough for me. That wasn't good. That was a kid, wasn't it? Yeah. And what was that sentence like? Was that adult prison this time? Yeah. That was an absolute ball game? Yeah. That was Bill Marsh high down then I ended up at ISIS and yeah, there was lots of challenges there but again, I didn't, I mean I did the odd thing wrong I didn't let the screws see that I did anything wrong but I had to deal with certain situations to try and not like, you know, a pushover but I never got caught in any trouble there so I got like the gym elderly job and once I got that it was that really helped pass the time got myself a nice six pack and that and then put on a get out of there and deal with the things that these people said that I couldn't do. What was that like when you think you're gonna get a twill shoved up your ass? Fucking scary. Do you think double figures anything over that is just a different ball game? Oh yeah, I mean it's horrible and that fear and not sleeping every night and being in that cold lonely place worrying about family and all the mental stuff going through your head you know, you've got to deal with some horrible people in there anyway but I think the mind games was the worst. How was it being away from the kids? Yeah, it's horrible, you know and I didn't want them to visit me in there so we just spoke on the phone they never knew that I was in there. What did you do when you came out? I came out, the ex that made the allegations she tried to get custody of the kids but they sussed her out and they went to live with my parents because she wasn't fit to have them so when I came out I had to go for a lot of assessments to prove that I was a good dad until I could actually have them unsupervised and stuff. How hard does that have to go to super phase visits? Yes, horrible, you know you've got to see your kids go at the end and they don't know what's going on and they're crying and you're in a contact centre and someone's watching you and yeah, that wasn't good times. Yeah, it's not different for a prison, is it? No, not really, no. So what did you try to do with your life when she came out? Well, the girl that I was with I always tried to make it work for the sake of the kids and we had kids and I kept thinking I kept making it work every time I tried to leave her I got weak and went back because she's begging me and she knew what she was doing and I was just like I'll make it work for the kids but then it never changed and I was actually abusing that relationship I've been stabbed in that relationship lots of crazy shit there and then constantly put down told her I got a tiny penis told her I was really ugly and I actually started to believe her so I then met this guy that I got on with from the estate Jaden, he became my best friend he was a bisexual guy nothing ever happened there but I learnt a lot from him he taught me about being open understanding everyone every gender and all that sort of stuff and said first of all let's have a look then I was like, oh fucking hell alright then mate so I eventually got it out and he's like, that is not small Oliver are you fucking crazy and then I was like really is it not? for a while I didn't believe but eventually I started to believe and getting the confidence and he got me set up on a shoot and that was terrifying being on my first sort of set you know, camera guy there he was a big bald Irish man he was quite scary before I'd get my dick out in front of him and start fucking and that was terrifying and obviously it shriveled up and I was like, oh for fuck's sake what is this so I'm taking all your different pills now and once it got there you know, the girl was nice she was like, it's okay baby I've seen the pictures it gets bigger and then once I got a go and it was fine and that was your age, were you? that was what age was that? that was when I just got out so that's the first point I'd done was what year was it so I would have got out in 2018 I think it was so four years ago yeah so were you nervous? yeah so how's that kid from the streets and gangs to then it was never an ambition it was never a thing I'm going to be a porn star no, I mean people used to say to me look, you're doing it all anyway because they knew I was asleep with a lot of girls and I was a player and I was quite good like that with the girls with the ladies they say and they said you might as well get paid for it but it wasn't until I got the confidence to actually do it it's a whole different ball game you know like going up to another man having a fight and then that it seemed like that was scarier when I first started doing it did you enjoy the first scene or was it is it hard because there's cameras there there's concentration it's horrible yeah it was like an elaborate flooring like this and I was sweating I was butt naked I was sweating and I was slipping in my own sweat I had to keep cutting I had bent over the sofa but I kept slipping all across the floor kept wiping the floor down I was just a dripping mess how much did you get for that? 150 how long were you there? I was there for fucking six hours cause I couldn't get the camera shot did you feel that that this is the career path then? there? no but I just thought it's something that I could do in my spare time I was still doing my decorating and plastering and this was just something that I thought I could do which I was doing anyway but I got paid for it and how how does it snowball from there then? from what sorry? so how does it snowball from that first scene to then be doing only fans? Orges escort and fucking now you're seeing a porn star that just went mental from the last four years at night yeah it's kind of blown up I didn't think this would happen especially with a big porn star like that one the biggest in the country I didn't ever think that that would be my soul mate that's the first person that I feel like I've ever had the ultimate connection with and she is like my twin like we're you know we're so compatible and I've never had anyone that connects on so many different levels like that do you find it easier going with a porn star because then they can understand you? well I would because you had imagined but people misunderstand everybody's misunderstood porn stars and that as well they're kind of down not as sleazy and bad and this and that but I've got many friends in the porn industry and they're fucking 100% they're fucked up in the head but so am I people think I'm doing great but I'm fucking loopy I'm crazy kind all my best friends are fucked up and it doesn't matter what your job is like people to be doing something that you enjoy trying to make a crust and so be it stop fucking judging like nobody's getting as long as they're not harming anyone be who you want to be and do what you want to do but when you're meet a porn star then like I said earlier like I can't handle somebody like my birds photo I think who's that cunt how he is he tried to shag my birds man to then getting fucking sessions with your birds shagging each other she's getting shagged you're shagging birds that how the eggs how does that it's become an acceptance well yeah I was the same as that I never thought that this would happen I never thought to be with her but it's I mean she doesn't sleep with guys and I find yeah I find I said to her we'll get to that later on I suppose about how we first met and fell in love and stuff but I never said you can't do this and can't do that and I said but I can't be with a porn star that's taking all the different dick and she and she said I don't want I just want you so we go with trans women and women and she's she's happy with that and she made that decision and I said but if you want another guys then don't be in this relationship that's down to you she made them decisions so yeah I mean I'm happy with her to do what she does and is that an attraction do you ever think but do you ever get angry I used to I mean there's been sometimes where I thought ah they've got a good connection is that kind of fucking better than our connection and then you get that bandwidth issues kick in where you think you'll get kicked to the side yeah we both had that at first but then on the time it started off the set and I realised how well we fuck I know and we you know we need to know and you believe 100% I know that connection it's hot assuming you're shagging birds on that on set is that can you ever connect with them or is it just a job where you become blank sometimes it feels like that it's just a job and I'm relying on the pills to keep it hard because you get a lot of arrogant porn stars I think they shit don't stink but we are just open and friendly and we're just trying to make everyone feel comfortable and happy and not used by some of these big companies that they do but sometimes yeah it's pleasure I think yeah it's gorgeous we've got a good connection here and it's good fun how big is it because you started following me I followed you in the first video come out with you with your fucking dick in your hand I thought that was a big dick mate you know what I mean how big is it it's only about 8 inches you can't just say only inches for the guys that are watching with a 4 inch breaker you know what I mean well it honestly is honestly is I think because someone said it's I can't remember it's that figure but it's something about the the G it's only a what a couple of inches in so it really is how you use it because you know there are two videos of Sophie and you know she's having much bigger cocks in mine and you know at first I was like how am I going to compete with this she's had shit loads of guys you know big guys in the industry that done all these gang bangs she's not going to be interested in me and I never believed it would go any further but when I worked with Sophie it was more like I found her in line thought right she's one of the biggest I'm going to see if she would do a shoot with me but it would it would just be a shoot it would boost my numbers it would give me some extra only fans people I never thought then so I didn't have a contact to her but she contacted me and then it all went from there so I didn't believe that this would be good enough but now I know it is I think guys will feel a bit secure saying that now there's only a couple inches in where you can hit the juice box remember that throw your smoke that guy's out there he's like okay he's fine but how if not use your fingers your tongue how do you how do you go from making porno's to then the sex life in the house though that is it different is it different yeah it is in what sense we make love and that is completely different when we're on some of these sexes it's like hardcore slamming and being aggressive and saying that she doesn't like that offset as well but I mean with Sophie I give her that deep loving passionate sex and there's just certain things I'm not doing to the other girls because I want her to feel special I mean there is some connections but we just have there's just something different with us and what do you take to keep it hard I prefer the jelly comagras obviously there's all different types of agras but the jelly seem to be better because the blue pills or the black ones which are the stronger ones they can sometimes make your head go fuck yeah do you feel as if it does affect you mentally taking so many pills I think it really is a whole mental thing because sometimes I've taken five pills and I'm not comfortable in a situation still like recently and it won't work so it really is all about the environment and the mental side of things can you get it up without pills now yeah I can when me and Sophie thought I don't have to use pills that's a matter that you can take five yeah people take half yeah on set sometimes I've been like why aren't it fucking working you've got all these girls that have come you've got the camera guy that's been paid for and you're thinking shit I've got this scene I won't get paid unless this is going to work the pressure's on after you take if you take a couple and then you've done your business but you're still walking about the streets how the fuck do you hide an eight-end cock you have to just tuck it up into the waistline up there but what's the longest you've been hard for we've gone to party after party after party we've continued it once the people are worn out and that's been up to about four days how the fuck do you keep the stamina I'm very fit I used to play professional football I still play swimming for football and I'm very fit mate I'm fucked after two minutes mate serious mate I'm 38 now got a blowjob and a cuddle I'm happy use me my sex life scene fucking piss do you know what I mean I ain't happy bro but it's each to their own obviously I've been with girls I've got a high sex drive I've been with girls who just not asked but how do you find the balance of it how when do you know like to be just shagging constantly like does it never tire you oh eventually yeah I'm fucked but you know if we as I say if we went to when we're not like our second sex party we're in London and then we see another one we're both like so would you reckon that these ones and we're like yeah let's go there and the party's on tonight we live for the moment this party won't be there tomorrow so let's go there so then if like that one is getting a bit you know tired at this party and it's dying out a little bit we're already making the arrangements for the next place so I'll deliberately not come so that I can continue going because once I do my big coming short at the end then it is a struggle to get it back up I'm just once one big one at the end yeah that makes me feel better bro yeah because I'm once me and I'm sleeping for two days bro let's say sex party's like you go to some and they're really sleazy so we try and avoid them ones and there's a lot of like bad shit going on in there you know like the different certain drugs that we try and avoid like what? like the crystal meth things like that people take that and then yeah I got tricked into taking that I went to her place and there was these beautiful girls there and she went coming out and blow this in your face and I was like alright fuck it yeah you know and then she blew it all in my mouth and I was just like what is this and I just went back on the bed feeling super horny anyway once I had that first hit she was saying it's Tina Tina she was like an Asian girl she said Tina Tina I was like alright yeah fuck it give me some more of that so we was just hitting this thing and then you know a few days later once I come out of there and I started feeling this crash I was like what the fuck was that so I'm looking up online and I realised it was meth but I didn't actually know what it was how many people are at these sex parties? it all depends I mean sometimes because a lot of the girls come over from different countries like the Brazilian girls and the Asian girls they all get like apartments like renting apartments and they've all got like a room so this particular one there was eight different girls there's all this courting from these rooms and they were charged guys but when I go on there I would just chat them up and say that if you want me I'm coming around for free I'm not paying so I would just chat them up and go around them fuck but sometimes if all different guys started coming in that was paying I'd be like I'm not up for this we were ever going to a room and do it just us but I'm not getting part of these other dudes I don't know who they are you know so it was just if the mood was set how I wanted it and it was just like me then I would do it yeah so would I bro I didn't know what he's doing he's all guys coming in that were paying I was like nah nah nah do you get that but there's a lot of a lot of sleaziness like old fat men just you wouldn't want any ramshag in your bed nah nah nah do you know what I mean fuck that nah fuck that I mean but so how do you manage to maintain it to let you see you still keep fit and healthy but you're taking tablets like when you're doing porn and only fans on your in front of the camera only fans is behind the camera but has it become just so much a job you actually forget what you're doing yeah I mean you know I do enjoy what I do most of the time there has been a few situations I've just had to you know grin and bear and get through um most of the time I do enjoy it but going back to the Viagras I have slowed up on them because I didn't want to become dependent and then not be able to get up at all because that would fucking kill me yeah but that potentially happened yeah so I have slowed up on them um and there's a few natural products that I now use um so I try and keep things natural and as I said when I'm at bit in bed with Sophie I don't I don't use them and we're not fucking every day that we use it now we'll space it out maybe do one or two shoots a week yeah so it's not as extreme nah yeah what's the most budget fucked in a day um probably about ten yeah fucking hell man it's gonna be twenty uh on the 18th for this month what's happening we're picking up a motor and it's being wrapped um and we made a joke to the guys but whenever we say something we mean it and I don't want to let them down so we're going to come back with twenty girls and they weren't I said fucking will so we're going to get twenty porn stars go back there in the motor home and then we're all going fucking the motor home if you're looking for that camera mind me yeah they're just me and twenty birds I'll share them with you mate I'm not greedy you don't have one I need one mate right here see you in your like how many porn stars have you made oh I honestly don't I've lost count now you know hundreds um yeah loads do you still go to what though or can you enjoy that or does it still become draining in the end um I enjoy it more now wow because a lot of these stuff before was like for mainstream companies and they're the ones you want to avoid they're the ones that are abusing the girls they don't pay them a lot and sometimes they they won't even air these old guys that you know like brothers what a very big thingy uh company all over porn hub they pretty much run it they'll get the young girls in and they'll fuck them and they'll never air their video why because they just want to fuck the young girls and just basically use and abuse them so me and Sophie have set up Sins Productions which is our own thing where we we treat the girls fairly and say that if this is what you want to get into you know we'll pay you well and we'll look after you and we'll basically try and guide you in the right direction but anyway I've had a few porn stars on some of them love it some of them fucking hate it some of them try to expose it because of some of these scenes where they feel as if they've been victims they feel as if they've been abused of course and it's fucking difficult because if somebody loves their job and then somebody's against it you can understand but like you say there is dirtiness and seediness in that industry of course yeah how hard is it then to try and make a living from it um if you're stepping away from the big hitters yeah the most yeah it's harder um and I knew that I couldn't do all the other stuff like selling drugs and all that shit I was doing and then I had my decorating business which just wasn't quite doing it and I really like to make more from that so at times you know like I say you have to just grin and bear it and get the job done but now that me and Sophie we select who we want to work with it becomes a lot easier because we build up a connection with these people and if they're not arrogant and they're not horrible then then we'll work with them and you get that choice now because yous ever come you know who we work with and if we get a bad vibe from someone then we don't work with them How do you like so what do you do when you cause you both escort as well I did escort but all my clients are men so I knocked it on the other day later yeah so did Sophie ever tell you to stop doing what you were doing um or does she not mean you're being with men or women well yeah I don't go with men um I've got a couple of blow jobs on set and felt really uncomfortable and that was just horrible but I've done it for the money but I said to her I don't want to make a name for myself doing something I don't want to do so I can't do that anymore and with the escort and the second customer comes the first customer guy comes over I was like hang on a minute I've got into this game thinking that all these birds are going to come around and pay me to fuck them doesn't work like that it's the other way it's the men that are paying the women to do it so um it was literally just guys that are ringing I tried it a couple times and on the second one I was like I'm done what's the most you've made to on set? um only about 600 quid what's the longest you've been on set? um about 3 days 3-4 days how much hours of footage do you get from that? shit loads um how much of it gets yours though? probably less than half to be honest um because there's lots of different stopping and starting in there and trying to get certain angles and execute the best shots you know how do you deal with that though is it the vega just help with that if they're stopping and telling you to start again does it not just kind of just fuck up with emotion? yeah I mean you know during these sort of sessions there's people that are dropping out and they can't do it anymore so then what the camera guys will do is they'll make that group scene and they'll use what they got out of that and then say there was me and Sophie and another two and then we'd go out of that and if it's all dropping like flies and you make loads of different films out of it so you've got one on one there earlier and you can make loads of films out of one one there shooting what's the camera man in that lake? something alright something you feel uncomfortable see the bastards yeah you'd get that right you'd get that they're a fair man that's a fucking perfect job for you they try to touch the girls and that you're like what the fuck are you doing? you have to throw a few of them off and they're overstepping the line what's the girls like you work with do you see a lot of sadness and a lot of people in that industry as well yeah so me and Sophie we talk to the people to the girls or the trans women and they've had hard times and some of them don't want to be in this and we actually try and talk them out of it if they don't want to do this but they say this is easy money to them especially the escorting and you know and they feel like they're kind of trapped yeah so it becomes a usual suspects from the stripping to then escorting to then the porn yeah it's the same it is the same kind of steps in it with people going like I say so many great friends from the porn industry and they're fucking good people man but you can't I can't see a lot of sadness in some of them where would you change your career path if you could make it all better when you were 16 like make different decisions yeah I mean if I when I was at Crystal Palace if I would have stayed with them then I could be earning a lot more for playing football I used to fight as well maybe that could have gone somewhere I was good at both of them things you know but being a porn star I thought that would be just as good but it's not as good as what people think how long you at Palace for two years what age did you stop I think that was just before I went away for the first time at about 17 is that what fucked your career yeah yeah it's sad that we have a big rep bro and that's the horrible thing when everybody's got potential no matter what age but we've all still got potential in your 30s 40s that even when you get into the pub people give it I could have been a contender I could have been this I could have been that but you're only in your 40s you know what you've done wrong yeah fucking do something now and make something of your league yeah I'm not one of them guys I could have been the next Ronaldo I'm just saying that's where I was maybe they would have released me but it seems like it was based on taking drugs and going out as I said once my my nan died I went off the rails and I started doing everything and it just I let myself down what position did you play send her back what what did your box as well yeah just a bit of tie boxing never took it any further wasn't like a professional fighter something like that but everyone said you know really good I've never lost a one-on-one fight and kept my face quite pretty I think so yeah that's something that I'd always think of going back to but now I say you know you've got these people that have dedicated their whole lives to that I you know I can't dedicate time to it so I'm not going to train as well as them and that's a dangerous thing to do do you judge your your cock on other people's in that as well people's maybe 9 inches, 10 inches does that get you insecure at first when I first come into the industry I was a bit like you know oh fucking hell you know but now I know what I can do and I know that I please these women better than guys that are bigger than me so again you little guys don't worry where's the biggest though now the biggest was a guy of 13 inches fucking hell yeah so I always thought it was the the big black African guys that had the biggest cock that's what I heard but this guy was was a white guy and he had a 13 inch cock so but yeah as I say that's much bigger but fuck it yeah that's fucking cool he's happy you know what I mean yeah how is it doing scenes with your message but like obviously it's changing now she's going through her transition she's doing things to help work on the relationship but when she tells her story and stuff and if you ever watch old videos I would just drive you off your nut yeah I don't know what you know how do you just block that out then yeah and we say you know I've got a past she's got a past and we accept that you know how do you accept that because you know whatever she's done before me was before me and that it wasn't like she went and cheated or went and done all these things that was her before and everything that's happened in our lives where we are now has made us who we are now that's what got us together and these have an agreement then just will agree on it if we want to do something where it's a mutual agreement that you're going to do something and it's not a case I'm a way to fucking do this or you're a way to have that's exactly what happens yeah is she okay like if you're away shagging these 20 buds that seems to turn her on she's one of them yeah that's what I'm saying so she's just happy yeah she seems a happy soul mate and everything she's been through and she's fucking mad bro yeah you know she does she says that she's hard work and that but I mean so am I as I say we're both identical twins you know maybe she comes out and she gets a bit more emotional but I'll be her rock but then she'll be my rock as well and I've never opened up to anyone as much as I've opened up to her and I've actually fully been crying and I've opened up and turned all my pain but I've never done that to anyone I've never been able to my dad's always said you're a pussy if you ever cry and I've always never let anything out until I was with Sophie how is the other guys in the pawn industry can you get conversations with them are they okay or do you see a lot of sadness with them as well yeah I've got a good gay friend in the industry he's been through his struggles you know about the whole gay thing and the shallow people that judge him for that I've got another guy in the industry that kind of he was there supporting me when I first got into it giving me advice there is good people in it but then there's also wankers as well they just want to put you down and make them out to be better than you how do you deal with that the best thing to do is to block it because when we've tried to write messages back on social media it always gets twisted so now we just we'll do a video eventually and we will just air it to everyone and answer to them all all in one go rather than get caught up in all this bitchiness that goes on is there a lot of enveness when you try and go independent like the people try and shut you down yeah how does it work people try and shut you down people want what you've got and people will try it on with you you know and then even people that I've fought with my friends they just want it from me I can come in and get me some birds and get some porn stars around let's do this and do that and obviously I try and help out my mates but then it will cut out for it yeah and then you know when it doesn't work out for them then they get funny with you have you still got me it's over the past I've probably got two or three friends yeah what do they say that's not for them I've tried to get a few of them involved but it's just it's not for them nah are they happy for what people do do they support you I don't to be honest I don't really have anyone you know it might be the old fungal here and there or a big beer but we're just trying to go I'm always trying to better ourselves and make money and do things it seems that lonely job does it become lonely yeah it's sad that as well isn't it like part of you loves it but part of you it becomes tiresome do you feel as if you have to do it because it's the only thing you know now well yeah now my businesses have been left for so long I probably wouldn't get much work and I wouldn't want to go back to that sort of money so I guess I am kind of forced but this is why we're trying to do the mainstream thing and all the girls that we are trying to help in the industry the young girls that are strippers and escorts if we can take them with us mainstream and help people if our if our show takes off and we can start doing well then they won't have to do this sort of stuff do you think there should be things put in place for protection of the marine females and that industry so it doesn't really seem to be anything nah it's kind of just forgot about like 80% of the stuff that's watched online as porn like it's fucking nuts it's such a thriving business but do you ever just feel that you're just that porn in the game you're just used yeah of course for six hours do that but that's what I mean Sophie now now that we've got our own thing we say and do what we want to do and you know and we get these girls and we only do what they're comfortable with we don't force them to do anything they don't want to do unlike the bigger companies yeah you've got your kids now so they're at that age like how much is that a worry for you yeah it is a worry because they're starting to use social media a lot yeah but I keep my porn name is different to my name so my kids have only got my my real name linked to their account they don't have any access to my porn I don't believe they've seen any of my porn you know they know that daddy does some adult work which is they just think it's photoshoots with some clothes off yeah and then there's modeling shoots with clothes on and I've got them modeling shoots and they love all that being around the camera and stuff but I've just said that some people do different types of modeling but you know if you want to do this type of modeling then you can do that and they like doing their photo shoots because obviously Sophie's son is kind of took a step back do you have a feel that could be the case when your daughters maybe 14, 15, 16 like would they just maybe feel a bit embarrassed of course that could happen once or if they find out which they probably will there's always that and then problems for them at school but at the same time I've only just tried to you know have the money to support them and now I don't see what else I do unless we can make it mainstream then the porn will die out yeah I think for a man no it's not as as bad that if it was a man if it's your dad obviously it's not as bad like you're not really going to get much stick for your if your dad like young boys like your dad does it I think it's more your mum your mum if you it's always been like that though if it's your son and it's your mum then it's totally different I believe like you would feel more effect from it your dads you think yeah yeah it's always been like daddy's fucking birds but then mum is getting fucked and it's always the same words yeah how when you talk about mainstream what is that plan well we've actually made a few films which don't have six in them and we actually have been told from a few directors that we're both pretty good so that's what we're pushing for because we can both act I sing and rap Sophie sings so there's a lot of talent there without having to do the porn so obviously we're doing the porn now until that gets found but when we get our song out if that went really well and we've got some other parts in films that were non-sexual then maybe the porn could sort of fuck off yeah why the fuck not yeah I mean why not like you've got to to change the plans and change the vision and go after it like you've done what you can to try and stable your life it's trying to stable the demons if you've got vision to go do you know what we can do this we can do that like she was saying that she was an A student and all these fucking university and colleges wanted her like that's what's the frustrating thing about human beings because we've all got so much potential and that goes for anybody watching while you're driving a van or in prison or in a pilot you can't better your life you can't quit the drink you can't quit the drugs you can't quit that shit relationship with that shitty job and do something more and really go after it it's not easy because when you make changes when your life's full of madness and chaos it's difficult when you start making changes because you become a bit it's boring but you've got to understand that sometimes it's not actually boring sometimes you're just actually at peace so no re-difference when your life's full of chaos when you actually step back and come out of that fucking madness you think man oh it's a bit boring now but it's not actually just at peace because I speak to so many people man and I don't give a fuck what you've done in your life or the mistakes you've made people can transform into fucking beautiful human beings but it's still a struggle man it can't be easy I'd imagine being in a porn game with a porn star the comments and that because I struggle with negative comments and I think if I see you I'll fucking struggle you do you know what I mean but that's just the way the world how do you deal with the negatives yeah so like Sophie gets upset and cries and stuff and we both think she's probably saying they tried to when I gave Sophie all I'd done was gave her this strength to not be in that loose relationship when she finally stood up to the woman that she was working with Rebecca we got a lot of abuse and she tried to paint my past all over the internet and said that I was abusing Sophie and I'm forcing her to be in this relationship and there's a lot of shit that went online and we're starting to overcome that now because the facts lie out there you know she won't be on Sophie's back and done a lot of things but the facts are out there and as time has gone on people are starting to see these facts because we have put them out there as I say to big audiences and not just answering back to all these fucking idiots that are at home all day doing nothing yeah the best thing to do things like this or when Sophie does one video for every one of her fans we'll say right you know this is how it is and we'll just do one answer we don't get caught up in all that shit you can't because it consumes you man it's too negative that's it life is too short and precious to be wasted on negativity but we're human man we're all sensitive little beings what we do get affected we've got a fuck who you are how tough you are how much you want to block it out words can sting man of course yeah I've been abused fucking for ages look because you can come back from a fucking punch you can't come back from mental abuse if it's consistent because then like you say somebody's saying you've got a small dick or Sophie saying you're not good enough for your fat she's went on a rexit you're judging your dick against fucking I mean that's a monster in your mind you're thinking I'm not gonna like you become ashamed and embarrassed words are fucking painful man it's fucking horrible man that's what I was saying the words that you know that made me actually believe it and they really hurt and then but then it got to that point where I was like right I'm gonna I'm gonna do certain things and change and it's still to this day me and Sophie are down we'll always get back up and keep going and that's what I always I always say to her you know like when she's going for this thing of a breast at the minute keep going and we get through this we never give up how do you prepare for it up on soon I will a few days previously I just won't come so it's kind of built up in that you know we'll get there just start to relax feel comfortable sometimes have a little shot you know just to take the the edge off and then yeah get down to it we'd already have planned what sort of scenes we want to do what clothes we're wearing what the theme's gonna be and then yeah we'll just get straight down to it normally within an hour of being there what's the best video you've ever done the best bird is there one is it because it's stuck I have to share work because I've ever walked away and done fucking hell and I was good there I'd say it's got to be Sophie because you're gonna say that because you know she's going to watch her she's so plastered the cameras are off no no no no no honestly it was I actually took a penis injection that day because I knew how big she was in the in the game so I thought this can't fail so I jabbed up and it was when you have the injection it's it's the biggest erection I've ever had and then we just done all of our scenes and it was one of them scenes because I was with my my brother and I was like she came downstairs but I need one more scene it's a custom video for one of my fans who wants to do it and they sort of looked at me and give me that and then brother's about to say I've got this so then with that scene was the scene that I went all out and showed what I could give and then that that's what she felt in love with you that's what she felt in love with me yeah so what's the foxy injection it's called cavaget and you jab it in at the base of the penis avoiding veins some people hit their veins and had bleed outs but I've studied this shit and watched a lot of videos and I've got it in the right place and thankfully it gave me what I needed and you've done that yourself how much was that shot 40 quid is that that fuck your vagro me and I start injecting it yeah and again don't you can become really dependent on that so that would just have to be a rare treat then if you've got a two inch cot you probably make it four with this you just use it once a month what about the other guys in sets and stuff the race the race struggle after maybe being on industry 10 years, 15 years every guy in the industry struggled at some point and not got it up and what do you feel then I imagine any craft you're going into if you can't do what you're set out to do do you mind does that affect you yeah I mean you can be really embarrassing that moment there's been scenes where we've just had to me and like a load of guys about to just spunk over someone and then if you're one of the only ones in that group or the only one that group that can't get it up it's like what's going on there it's embarrassing or if it's me and a group of girls and I can't get it up it's like what the fuck's going on there and it can be it can be very embarrassing you know and you just want the ground to swallow you up in that moment who's some of the guys got loads of spunk do they take anything for that like sometimes the old widows I used to walk by any day man people were fucking covered and I'm thinking is that some camera shot is that somebody standing at the back just fucking scooping out something in a bottle there is tricks is there can you fake it like be faked yeah I don't I edge sometimes for days and it fucking hurts so if you get a cock ring and you pull your balls and you cock through it so it's fucking tight sometimes your nuts go blue after a few days where it's been on and sometimes you have to pull that band off let them stop swelling for a minute and then put them back on 20 minutes and carry on with the session but that again when you've got a cock ring on your balls and your cock again that keeps it hard as well it traps the blood in so we use that and then all the edging over the days that camera shot is then fucking big when it comes out because I had George Jalio one who's a good friend Scottish porn star but she said the porn stars are tested with these and AIDS and all that as a clean industry but if you have a fucking hell just making a career change because it has become on top when you're thinking what the fuck is going on yeah as I say if I couldn't at first it was like what if this stopped working I'm fucked for now it might be too late to go back into certain things again that's why we want to try to do the mainstream tablets and there is like a tubing that people put along the side of their cock and when it's time to come someone squeezes that so that is the trick I've never done that but people do use that in the industry when you see a lot of cum who's the biggest in the UK I'm not sure you must be up there now yeah I mean Sophie has been in the game along with me and she's got a much bigger following the rate that I'm going up because I've only been doing it since I got out but my Twitter profile was October 2020 that's when it went live so since then I've gone up I've got got about 50,000 which is a good rate for that man anyway sorry for that man it's a good following yeah so that's going up quite a good rate compared to some porn stars that are bigger than me they're saying that that's going up a quicker rate to there so I'm believing that I could do quite well but you must get a lot of CD bastards as well there's Sophie not got a lot of fucking weird messages mate but you know like you said you want to just go and knock them out for some of the things they've said to make her cry so I just have to comfort and say that fuck them who the fuck are they ignore that just keep doing our thing babe and that's what I think she told you about our song as well fuck it yeah it's funny man because even though some of the girls are getting fucking tilted off four or five guys on set people think they're easy they go out in a real world mate and they don't even acknowledge any kind and these guys think that they can take it yeah they're mad sluts and that's the mad thing because they're not genuinely not I hosted the porn words two or three years ago Georgia Isle and that's what they were talking about like because I quite when you're a porn star they were saying just in a different bubble but she had names for like myself for other people it's not in that industry like because it's the only people who understand each other so it feels normal because when you actually come out that then people judge people look down people try and make you feel bad do you know what I mean but as people's choices let people be do you know what I mean do you find that hard when you're out in public or anything that people look at they must look I mean I don't fuck I know him I don't know him yeah I mean I've always been judged for whatever reason anyway whether it's when people say that I'm fucked in the head or whatever it may be but you just gotta try and ignore it and as I say unless someone was to really invade my space I would always try in the few situations I'm in the 30s because then I would look like the bad one and I don't want to go back to jail and not be away from that Sophie and my kids they need me you lose everything yeah I can't that's not an option so I always say get the fuck back or I'm going to have to defend myself and my family when you're trying to kick on it like if I've had it and I've tried to make strides to be better and do better and be a better guy I still make mistakes I still fuck up I still get it but I couldn't give a fuck like I haven't stopped so it's clear to see that I ain't going to phase me I keep kicking on I keep proving people the wrong party that makes me want to kick on because I kind of fuck you I've never stopped I've never stopped I've controversial guests conversations I've never backed down never will and I've proved that time and time again I think people just kind of know now but how are you finding it like doing things like you've always been in prison or this and that how do you deal with that yeah it's made things harder all the people that I know I've gone into prison come back out and they're still doing the same thing but I'm like Sophie people that want to change want to keep doing well and keep improving like you said we always make mistakes but we constantly keep going and she's the strongest person that I know other than myself of course and we just keep going talk about a shrap song fuck yeah so when I was in jail I saw there was a poster on the wall which said success is the best form of revenge no yeah success is the best form of revenge so we started from there and I started I wrote all these songs in there and then one of them was about being who you want to be do what you want to do say what you want to say fuck it and I started writing bits and Sophie went I've got parts of songs here so we started to sort of put ideas together and then we come out with this song which is basically what we're all about and what we believe in what we try and say to other people you know you do you and don't worry about what anyone else says and it's just a positive song like that so I believe that this could be quite a big song yeah but it's because listen man I know many boys in the rap scene who are in and out of prison yeah Jordan McCann and that is a good friend of mine they're doing what they can do to try and make an honest living and it's hard because you're always tested when you come out because if you've got that temperament you feel as if you need to step forward when somebody steps forward but you don't step them back and just fucking like you say kill them with success that's the most painful thing like I say people can recover from a punch people can recover from certain things but they can't recover they're envious about someone trying to be successful and you actually do it I know people are burning with me doing what I'm doing I know it's killing people yeah over the years my enemies have got weaker I've only got stronger mentally, physically financially every fucking aspect of life I'm only getting stronger and I'm only gonna get stronger and I'm a man who puts it into action I don't just talk shite in fact I do talk shite man but that's a lie but I fucking I do when I say something I'm gonna do it like I say I ain't stopped in four years I ain't gonna stop because I'm gonna strive for more but doing that becomes more pressure but like I say more sex scenes or more this or that because you're trying to provide but it becomes tiresome and then you kind of forget what happiness is because you're so caught up in trying to prove your doubt was wrong and prove yourself right that you can be something so it's a very thin line it's a dodgy line it's just about the size of a very fine line yeah to try and find a bit of balance like can you find balance in your life of madness because you're talking and Sophie's talking and your story that people go and that's fucking nuts but people get an understanding this is what my podcast are for so people understand yeah and go why, who they are like because we've all got a story everybody's got different jobs I could get someone down the stairs who's working on a band get them up and create a story because we've all got something to give like where do you go from all that then from the porn industry trying to get on to mainstream like do you think you ever get a chance because of the background that you've got I believe we've got enough talent there to have opportunities in different places we've been knocked back a lot but as I say we're not going to give up we're going to keep pushing because we believe we believe in what we do and we're hopeful you can see Sophie's very insecure about her body so how was it when the tuts went I was fucking horrible when she got the sepsis and that and I am feeling her pain I've been there every step of the way and it hurts me because she hasn't got the confidence and we've cancelled a lot of stuff the majority of our shoots have now been cancelled and even in our family life outside of work she's down a lot more than normal of course and you know I'm just constantly there for her but it's really hard How do you separate the two from family life to the fucking orgies and the sex scenes and injecting the dip how do you how do you separate them Well I should have said this Sophie as anyone from your past actually taking you out on a date and she's like no it's just always been that or the dad was just like druggy or whatever it was and I said well how about I start taking you some real cool places that I know and I started doing things like that and she started to see love outside of what we do so there is a lot of that now and that makes her happier so we do that She genuinely does look happy though and it's a good thing to see because like you say she has a very sensitive being and when you listen to her story you realise man it's such a fucking liberty you've got daughters I've got a daughter same age I couldn't think anything worse mate I would blast a cunt if you fucking even thought about looking at my daughter that wrong way When I was hearing that earlier as I say it was just wasn't good I was getting hot and sweaty and it was just because she's saying that with her mum and I was like no that was abuse she's like no no no and then the guys in the car and all that and like you say I think she was like she was 10 years old that was abuse so you know See for me it's hard as well because I've got a daughter so it's even hard for me who's not really connected to her but to try and and I don't want to hurt her and say look your mum was a fucking wronging do you know what I mean because I don't want to because she's such a sensitive being that she's even trying to forgive her mum she's trying to sew up the pain so who am I to say that but it's just because I've got a fucking daughter so I can see and I could my daughter's 12 one other and I still see her as a 5 year old do you know what I mean to be 10 and 12 for you to be sitting there as well but then I think you'll learn a lot from that as a character and I think you'll be more loving towards but even people watching will get a better understanding of fucking hell that but it is the same kind of patterns that people are in that industry and the strippers and the kind that come from the broken home and I know people say dad issues and that but it stems a lot more like emotionally physically like it must be fucking hard to find the balance of your life especially as it both is ADHD personality disorders Sophie's got bipolar and do you stick anything for that yeah we've got medication but I mean no matter what like counseling and stuff that I've been through over the years I've always found the answers myself I've had like long talks with people but it's always been trying to find the answers yourself it's like when you're in a abusive relationship only you can get yourself out of it no matter how many people told me to get out of them relationships until I got myself out of the relationship it wasn't the time that I actually got out of it do you see a resemblance between you and Sophie yeah I mean we've both been through a lot of shit but as we both said maybe if we met each other earlier we wouldn't have been this connected we wouldn't have been this good but we've been through all them struggles and all that pain and maybe that's why we get on so well because we've had them experiences what was it like going to counseling it was just like there's something that I did I don't know maybe some things were right but it wasn't I don't believe it helped me too much yeah I've only been seeing this for the last five weeks and I think man I'm trying to manipulate that cunt oh yeah yeah I feel as if I could have because I've not broke down anything yet yeah I feel as if I could manipulate him I feel as if I could have him crying if I wanted yeah because that's what I can do and that's not good because he did sail out you've clearly done a lot of work in yourself you're clearly it's amazing what you've done but what you're doing is skipping over the bad parts with positivity do you know what I mean because I can be quite positive but then does that become an act because I'm skipping over the trauma and the pain he's trying to unlock those doors to go through those doors to face the pain to then heal because my relationships are the same patterns three month end three month end because I don't let anybody in I can start feeling for you here you can hurt me I don't want to feel any more pain I want to feel any more sadness which I believe though I do believe that if you are lucky enough to find the one as they say I do honestly believe that Sophie is the one and that's why this is the first time I've opened up to her and cried in women's arms because Sophie is the one communication on it yeah and what that is is vulnerability I don't show vulnerability I never have until now that's like too because I've come through so much in my life but I've fucking done it on myself so I thought as I fuck everybody else yeah he's obviously trying to get the vulnerability to find that feminine side because it's yinging the yarn on it it's the light and the dark it's the sun and the moon like that's why suicide rates so high in men because we've got the fuck it button we don't talk about it we don't want to talk women don't phone their friends and they're sitting in me groups of three and four talking pure shit but then they've healed because they're expressing their feelings and emotions we ball it up get majority guys go to the pub but it's a gear watch the football don't talk talking down and breaking down and being vulnerable and surrendering is a strength that's the real strength and I've I'm fucking scared if I open up the gates man I'll not stop yeah because I've never really let go of the pain of losing my dad and all that shit my family's been involved in and all the friends and all that shit I've never really let go I've probably covered it up with success because then people think you're doing well yeah but they don't understand they still battle every day every day's a fucking struggle I feel as if I should be happy on what I'm doing because there's so much pressure on myself to keep going there because I'm scared that it gets took away as well and you lose it do you know what I mean like if you say that stops working then what yeah everything you've worked through the years the misery, the pain you've went through for what do you know what I mean that's fucking hard that's why we try and keep our options open but you know people are always going to judge no matter what happens they're always trying to find a way to put the end over something we're just trying to keep our options open and do as much for our families how have you dealt with Sophie's young boy leaving well it was hard but you know I understand that Sophie does the job that she does but you know the way he treated Sophie wasn't good and you know I said to her like he's uncontrollable but I feel like because I'm not his dad how far do I go with things so after a year I sort of got involved a little bit to the point where he was trying to strangle her and all that and I said look just fucking sort it out you need to start going to school your mum's always done her best and your mum's not doing what she used to do you know she's with me now and I tried to do everything that I possibly could but eventually he went back to his dad who's never been there and his dad has actually hit him as a young kid and done a lot of bad for him and never even been in his life what about family your own family do you got any family was it just your gran and your granda of course it was my mum don't talk to my dad so just my mum is the only one I see who's that relationship now yeah mum is just not who she used to be so she doesn't come out doesn't do anything but I don't see as much I'd like to it's one thing that me and Sophie were talking about the other day it's sad I wish I could do more for her but she she never wants to do anything you know so her dream was from the dolphins me and Sophie will take you to the dolphins yeah well just not now I'm a bit stressed at the minute I said mum let us do it for you but I can just do something for all this shit I've given you let me do your dolphin dream and take you to Portugal or something like that some of these dolphins but it's always pushed off you know yeah I want to try and make her happy because she's one of the ones always been there for me yeah we're always trying everything I do is to try and give the people who supported me the things that they need but like Sophie's prime example the materialistic shit don't mean fuck all but when you can just when you don't give it all the time and give that little bit then it means something special because like you see you can spoil your people and then it just becomes it's like you shagging birds all the time like just people fucking coming their pants even looking at a set of tits you know what I mean you're fucking five and ten and birds people thinking it's a dream but at the end of the come a stage you will think I don't even like to lick a fanny's anymore do you know what I mean farther than it will ever get to that stage yeah but yeah it's you know it is hard but like I say it's so good that I found Sophie but if anything happens to Sophie now and I lost that person that I've been so lucky to find then how do you come back from that that I don't I don't think I would because it looks as if she's a giving each other a lot a lot of attention a lot of picking me up because then it becomes a drug do you know what I mean where you crave that drug I think we'd go off the rails when we're dead in a week to be honest I think everything will come crashing back and we'd probably yeah if we ever split up that is but if Sophie died I don't know how I'll get back up from that because this is she's everything that I need yeah and I just love her and I just couldn't do that I know because it seems if she can't be without each other yeah you know what I mean but then what happens if somebody decides they don't want to be like somebody's that's the that's the thing about vulnerability and surrendering I can't do that because they can leave me they can fucking destroy me because men the thing about men we love fucking hard we do we genuinely love hard and that's why we fucking edit because men cheat because they don't want to get hurt first that's the method they were thinking we're fucking wired up wrong instead of just surrendering to that person that you truly love and if you don't love them leave them so somebody else can love them right because we're like I laugh at men because me my friends and my I used to act I think how fucking delighted was I people, girls actually loved me and I used to treat them like shit and then I used to think they were the mugs that was the mug then it was a lion it was a deceit yeah I mean I always there was always like missing from my relationship they weren't proper so I felt like I'd go out and cheat because I felt like I wasn't getting enough sex from there or I wasn't getting enough of something from there but yeah I should have just been honest with some of them girls and not hurt them because there were some good ones there have you always been a sex addict? yeah as far back as I can remember yeah what did I say from as soon as men died which was secondary school and I started going out then and playing catch up replacement though to get over the pain from your gran yeah possibly along with all the other stupid things that I was doing but the sex thing is the thing that's continued the most and that is where I'm going to love my life so it's yeah it's got to be and you still get pleasure out of it? yeah yeah most of the time and what happens when you're in a bad day? well me and Sophie both say that if we're both having a bad day I mean I'll always say look I'm not up for this today not feeling it I haven't slept sometimes we just don't sleep we're just you know when you're lying there in bed and your eyes are closed but you're constantly thinking things we get that a lot and I'll say look you go to the shoe I can't but then she won't go about me and I won't go about her but when we are there we do different scenes you know apart but we're always there for each other you know but we haven't done anything separate in a long time what's the longest you've been apart from each other since you've met when before I moved in with Sophie we was apart for two days who was that? it was actually hard I never missed a girl and she was like I can't get you to come over tonight and I was just like I'm with the kids in that once you meet them and all that and you know we got introduced slowly so I was still sort of going back and forward and spending time with the kids and times there but I said it had to be done but it was actually hard these bloody ladies could bond though because she's a 100 male I know I don't think it would I don't think it would I don't think it would I don't think it would what happens to me is that you see yourself in your forties isn't it? we've been talking about you know a nice villa somewhere in the sun just taking it easy but again we've got to just keep going and trying to be as successful as we can and make money and hopefully we can get that which on main set like a daily routine like for yourself is that a struggle? yeah we are we are very scatty and you know we'll be talking about something and go off and something else and something else and then struggle to get back to the first subject so we can be really scatty so we've got to sell some notebooks now and we write everything down and that's helping a bit your dog man nearly died man like dogs are everything like that if they go fuck humans the dogs are the worst obviously when you go through that how is the dog now? does your dog get knocked down? yeah so he got knocked down just after Sophie had come back from her reconstruction on her boob and then that happened and then now he's getting all this reconstruction so we was obviously shitting it at the moment that it happened it was just I thought it was done because at the right at that exact time it had to be a fucking lorry didn't it and he was yelping out and his whole leg was getting looked horrible so I just grabbed him I ran back to my mum because we just stopped off there ran back and I was just like no no I said mum please ring someone ring someone so she's come out rang this Medicare vet place we rushed him down there before the ambulance came we said we'll bring him to you and drove down there got him in there a day later he comes out and they said he's going to be fine but then since then it's been oozing smelling green past and we've heard that that's an infection which can lead to sepsis which is what Sophie had as well and all these mad things and we're like are we not doing the right thing we're changing it we're putting the developments on we've been looking after him people are like no that's not good that's he's going to have an amputation there we then went to another vet who said yeah it's going to be amputated you need to give us like thousands and thousands of pounds so we was like fuck that we took the dog out of there and went back to the other one worrying what they're going to say and they've said no I don't know what I told you that it's horrific but we've done we've flushed it and done bits of binding in it but we can't completely close that up because then if anything gets trapped in it it would be amputation so these other vets have given us all the wrong advice so after hearing that last night you know we got back had a lovely session and yeah it's just we were so happy about it tears of joy tears of joy we had a little one in the bed but trying to mind his foot and you know that's the best way to do it but I don't know he's shagging at me he's shagging at me and then get the dog in the bed and have cuddles but he's got his bloody cone in his head so I'm always like let's take the cone off you know it's not good but then if he starts licking that that area where the bandage and goes through so we're like we've got to put it back on but we don't want to be called to the dog so we want him to not have this cone in his head but we've got to keep putting it back on in case he licks it and affects it but he's fine though he's fine now it's fine now he's going to make it but we've got to keep going back every three days so they can monitor it to make sure it doesn't become infected has anybody ever told you a little bit of usick about the boxer no big guy for Anthony Joshua the big Ukrainian the big massive big big fuck he can feed little fuckers oh I'm not that ugly am I he's like I can't so I'll hang in a minute I'll hang in a minute I'll hang in a minute I'll hang in a minute I'll hang in a minute I'll hang in a minute I'll hang in a minute I'll hang in a minute I'll hang in a minute he's a not just me he's a good country he's a funny bastard he's always dancing about in it I thought you meant a value of what the fuck is all that he's dancing about he's a funny kid I like him and he doesn't high pop or get aggressive he's always cool just cool and calm corrective he dances about he's fine that's it so where do you go now from obviously he's a try to figure out your life he's a try to make that he's a try to make changes which is never easy for anybody but where do you go forward for the future well we've just got to keep going and as I said whatever is going on right now whether it's with the boo or the dog or whatever is going on we just have to keep going and keep doing what we believe in and just keep pushing and pushing because life's always going to frustrate you but you just can't give up yeah what about for anybody that's maybe struggling with mental health what advice would you have for them I would say I mean yes you're very lucky if you find that soulmate if you don't find that soulmate you know first of all don't go looking for it but see if there is a friend or family that you can talk to and maybe counselling will help for you it didn't I don't believe it did for me as I say earlier I believe that you do have to find the answers within yourself and I used to think they just want to take the money out of me but I don't want to put you off from going there to some people because it might help and it does help certain people it didn't for me but you know ignore the shit that's online online is like a spiteful horrible world ignore it and try not to let it get you down and keep doing you you know just try and stay strong what's on your social media platforms where can people get in contact with you on Twitter it's Damien Oliver XXX Instagram Damien Oliver official or the fucking explorers with two X's rather than you and the C and on YouTube the fucking explorers what about only fans only fans are d.o.o.o.utract like to finish up on anything I think I've covered most things mate that's the reason I comes around telling your story brother who enjoyed that both fees mate like I genuinely do hand on my heart hope everything goes well and I hope you fucking get everything yous achieved brother cheers mate