 The Irene Dunn Fred McMurray show! Starring Irene Dunn as Susan and Fred McMurray as George. Together in a gay new exciting comedy adventure, Bright Star! The Irene Dunn Fred McMurray show! Starring Irene Dunn as Susan Armstrong, owner and editor of the Hillsdale Morning Star, and Fred McMurray as George Harvey, Susan's ace reporter. And today at the news, we find the team of editor-reporter functioning as smoothly as they usually function. About this editorial on Widening Vine Street, don't you think that maybe we'll- I'm meeting George. Congratulations. But on this editorial- I've got to get through with this book, George, and I haven't got much time. It's Dr. Hawker's latest. Look at your mind through a microscope. Oh, see anything? A very obvious remark. You are familiar with Dr. Hawker's syndicated column on scientific living, which we are lucky enough to run in our paper. I live as unscientifically as possible. No, that's hardly a news item. Dr. Hawker is coming to Hillsdale on a lecture tour, George, and he's going to be here this afternoon. Oh, good. Naturally, I want to be familiar with his book. Well, don't you worry about it, Susan. You just turn old Hawker over to me. I'll take him night clubbing tonight with a couple of friends, and he'll think that the Hillsdale Morning Star is the greatest little paper in the entire country. George, Dr. Lionel Hawker is not a corset salesman. Through his column he guides the lives of millions of Americans daily. And look at us. And it's extremely important that he be received here in this office by someone of intelligence and understanding. Me, obviously. Therefore, George, I shall want you to remain as far away from the office as possible the entire afternoon. Susan, there are times when I doubt that you care. No, no, no. It isn't really that, George. It's just that you're a man at times. Well, it's... All right, all right. Shall I stand in the cellar all afternoon? Oh, no, of course not. I have an assignment for you at the Abernathy College for Girls. Well... You're to interview Dean Abernathy. Why? Well, she's incorporated her social theories in a new book, George, and it's called Why Men? Why Men? So if you don't mind, I can get on with Dr. Hocker's book now. Oh, sure. Pardon me for taking up your time. George, you're not angry with me. Me? Angry? Of course not. All you did was insult me, seek to hide me in the cellar like a poor relation, and compare my popularity with that of bubonic plague. I am leaving, Miss Armstrong, and it is doubtful that I shall return. George! Mr. Harvey, I was just emptying the wastebasket. Sammy, you have just ruined my most effective exit in years. Excuse me, young man. Yes, sir. This is the office of the Hillsdale Morning Star. Yes, sir. Hi, young man, and Dr. Lionel Hocker. Oh, Miss Armstrong's expecting you, Dr. Hocker. Miss Armstrong's office is right through there, Dr. Hocker. Thank you, young man. Thank you. Let me suit and answer. Oh, Dr. Hocker. Who else? Won't you come in, doctor? I can't tell you how honored we are to have you here in Hillsdale. Thank you. I guess just about everybody in town has been reading your book. I just checked the bookstore. Two copies have been sold. Well, those two copies certainly have gotten around. Won't you sit down, Dr. Hocker? Miss Armstrong, you are a very beautiful young woman. Well, thank you. You are living scientifically? Well, I tried. Married? No. Engaged? Well, no. In love? No. I mean, well, there is that one, but... Uh-huh. You are not living scientifically. You are in love, but not married. You must put yourself in my hands. But really, doctor? It is nothing. Shall we say this evening at your home? Well... Using the Hocker method, we shall have you engaged in a matter of hours. A few days? Married. Soon, the pattern of tiny feet growing swiftly to healthy adults and all buying the books of Lionel Hocker. It is beautiful to contemplate. Doctor... Science, I love you. Shall we say it tonight at eight? Yes. Yes. Eight will be fine. At eight, you will start to live. Until then... What time is it, patients? Ten to eight, Miss Susan. Why? Ten more minutes before I start to live. How's that again? That's when Dr. Hocker's coming. Oh, does he hold you up to the feet and spank you? Scientific living, patients. It's something like he describes in his chapter on come out from behind yourself and live. Well, that sounds like a half-back running around his own hand. And it's so true, patients. We apply science to everything. Machinery, atomic energy, mass production, to everything but our everyday lives. And that's what I'm going to start doing tonight. Does George know about this? Oh, he will. He certainly will. Well, when you get George in a test tube and put him over a Bunsen burner, call me. That, I want to see. Miss Armstrong's residence? Come in. She's expecting you, Dr. Hocker. You know my name. Read your column for years. I wrote you for advice when I was thinking about being a housekeeper. And thanks to your correct and scientific choice, you have enjoyed many years of happy living in your chosen profession. Sure. Except you advised me to become a tomato picker. The Miss Armstrong is in the living room. Oh, poor woman. She must be terribly unhappy. The lovely Miss Armstrong. A charming home. Charming. Thank you. Won't you sit down, Doctor? Now, let me see. I have your problem firmly in mind. A mother fixation on the part of your emotionally immature husband with a consequent rejection of the responsibilities of marriage. Dr. Hocker, I'm not married. Of course. I have your case firmly in mind. As I say in my chapter on make your brain a filing cabinet, one should always... Well, not married, huh? Well, I've had my chances, of course. Science has taken you over. Marriage, my dear young lady, is merely a problem in scientific selling. Selling? Scientific selling. You have heard of the A-I-D-A method? No, I don't believe I have. Used by our larger sellers of consumer goods. What has worked for them will work for you. Well, that's very interesting. Let us think of you first. Not as Susan Armstrong, but as a refrigerator. Right? Well, I'll try. Now, we wish to sell this refrigerator. A-I-D-A. First, A. You must attract the attention of the prospect. Well, how do I do it? Anything. Anything at all. Strike and match. Ask him if he has ever been to Alaska. Anything but. Get his attention. Get his attention. Next. I... Arouse his interest in the refrigerator. Demonstrate some of its unique features. Or, in other words... Dr. Hocker. Couldn't I be something else instead of a refrigerator? By certainty. How about a vacuum cleaner? Oh, well... Or a garbage disposal? I'll be a refrigerator. Good. Next. D. Generate in the prospect a desire for the refrigerator. Now, what's the next step? Again. A. And this time. Action. Well, couldn't we just skip the first three steps? Oh, not at all. Having secured the prospect's attention, having aroused his interest in the product, having instilled in him a desire to own the product, all that remains is to show him how quick and easy it is for him to take the final step. He buys the refrigerator. Well... Well, I'm game for anything. George is coming over later this evening. I'll try it out. Miss Armstrong, as so many before you, you will find the Hocker Principles utterly infallible. Really? Well, it's such a queer feeling. I don't know whether I'm about to be engaged or defrosted. Well, I was telling you about my interview with Dean Abernathy this afternoon, Susan. Her theory is that eventually men can be done away with. And then... George. The funny thing is she's not bad looking in a battle-like sort of way. George. Hmm? They attract the attention of the prospect. Light a match. Ask if he has ever been to Alaska. Get his attention. You wanted something, Susan? George, have you ever been to Alaska? As a matter of fact, I have. What? It's funny you're asking that. I took a trip up there one summer while I was in college. Why, I could talk for hours on the totem poles alone. You see... Go on, George. Do go on. How much for step number one? George. Yes, Susan? Ourals the interest of the prospect. Demonstrate to him some of the unique features of the product. George, have you ever noticed something? What's that? How you can work practically side by side with the person for months and months and never really see them. For instance, I never noticed until now the way your profile in a certain light reminds me of Barrymore's. Well, he wasn't bad either. And you most likely never knew how I, for instance, adore cooking. I thought patients did all the cooking. Oh, that's just when I don't have the time. Cooking, huh? Well, well. And you probably haven't any idea about my other passion in life. Darning socks. Really? Really. Susan. Yes, George? What you just told me. You know I'm a bachelor. I gather that, yes. You won't laugh at me if I get up the courage to ask you something. I won't laugh, George. Promise? Promise. Well, Susan. Would you show me how to darn socks? So much for step number two. What time is it, Susan? Oh, it's early yet. Generate in the mind of the prospect of desire. Desire? Mind if I switch on the radio? No, no, go right ahead. Good band. Not a band, not a band. You wouldn't care to dance. Why not? Why, George? Oh, I have my moments. This is nice, isn't it? Music. Dancing. You, of course. Susan, it's funny, I... I don't know how you... I feel like something's come over me. Action. Having secured attention, interest and still in the prospect of desire, show him how easy it is to take the final step. Action. George. Hmm? You said something had come over you. What? I... I can't explain it, Susan. It's strange. It's almost like I was getting a thought wave from you. Almost as if you were impelling me to take some action. Yes, George. Susan. You know, I... I have the strangest desire. What? I know it's irrational and irresponsible and everything else, but... But... But I... I want to go out and buy a refrigerator. Oh, no. And now back to our two stars, Irene Dunn and Fred McMurray, and the second act of our story. Irene, that is Susan, didn't have too much success with Dr. Hawker's principles for scientific living when it came to applying him to Fred, and that is George. To anyone who knows George, this is not altogether unexpected. Leave him to work now, Patience. All right, Miss Susan. Oh, I've been reading that book of Dr. Hawker you brought home. Look at your mind through a microscope. Yes. Very interesting. He's got a chapter in there on the scientific way to capture a mate. The A-I-D-A method. And I was thinking that it might be just the thing for you to try out on Patience. Yes. I tried it. No good. Nothing. Well, Dr. Hawker says in chapter eight, if you have a problem, sleep on it. Patience, I tried that too. What happened? Woke up with a very wrinkle problem. See you this evening, Patience. See you this evening. Hi, Dr. Hawker's column this morning, Mr. Harvey. Can't say that I have, Sammy. What vital message is he giving to waiting America? Start the day with a smile. I'd rather start it by going back to sleep. Then try greeting your associates, not with a sour look, but with a bright, beaming smile that says, Isn't it great to be alive? Yeah, well, try anything once. Here comes Miss Armstrong. Yeah. Good morning, Susan. Isn't it great to be alive? Ha! Well, Sammy, what else is new? Are the storm signals still posted? Come in, George. I want you to set up some shots with our photographer. Dr. Hawker will be here this morning. Sure, Susan. And I asked Dean Abernathy to come in for some pictures, too. You know, the woman who wrote Fly Men, a crackpot. I think she has a very extensible thesis. Now, Susan, you should. Good morning, Miss Armstrong. And this is... George Harvey, Dr. Hawker, an employee. An interesting face. Improbable, but interesting. Thank you. And how did you make out last night, Miss Armstrong, with my AIDA experiment? I resent having things spelled out in front of me. Oh, he is irritable. Hasn't he had his NAP? Dr. Hawker, this is the subject of the experiment. What? Oh. And? Nothing. I think you're just as well on it. However, scientific methods Miss Armstrong properly applied will always... It's not interrupting. Oh, Dean Abernathy, come in. Come in. Thank you. And you know our Mr. Harvey, of course. Of course, of course. And this is Dr. Hawker, Dean Abernathy. I'm sure you've read his column. You're old in town again. Hello, Palette. You two know each other? Unfortunately, yes. I should have thought you'd have given up by now, Lionel Hawker. Well, if at first you don't succene. Miss Armstrong, Mr. Harvey, I shall return at a time when your business for Dr. Hawker is completed. But... Good day. Well, that was peculiar. Yeah. What's the story, Dr. Hawker? Clearly, merely our little misunderstanding which time and scientific principles will... I might as well admit it. Miss Armstrong, Mr. Harvey, I, Lionel Hawker, outstanding exponent of successful scientific living in the world today, I am a failure. What you can't be. A failure. For years, I have pursued Violet Abernathy with an ardour unmatched since Antonine Pietata. And for years, I, who have counseled millions on how to love and be loved, I have been utterly and completely spurned. A failure. Oh, now cheer up, Doctor. You know, start the day with a smile. George. Oh, where are you going, Doctor? Where? I think I shall kill myself. Isn't that sad, George? Well, yes, yes, very sad. We've got to do something for him. Sure, sure. The world's greatest exponent of success in love with a woman who hates men. But we've got to help him. Well, we might give him a copy of his own book. No, the time for books is past, George. Get your hat. We're going after Dr. Hawker. No, it's no use, Mr. Armstrong, Mr. Harvey. For the first 19 years, I thought he was merely being coquettish. Now I'm convinced she means it. Dr. Hawker, look where we are. Isn't this the Abernathy College for girls? It certainly is. George, now, Dr. Hawker, you go right into her office and sweep Dean Abernathy right off her feet. You know the A-I-D-A system. Oh, I couldn't do that. Why not, Doctor? Sure, the real aggressive you. She knows the real me. She hates me. Nonsense. You just don't have faith in your own methods. You know what has worked for the largest firms in America. Well, I... Oh, no, no, it wouldn't work for me. Why, of course it would. George, demonstrate the system for Dr. Hawker. Who, me? On Dean Abernathy? No, no, I didn't mean that. Come over here, George. Now, look, Susan, I'm not going to... Desperate times call for desperate measures. Now, look, we've got to restore Dr. Hawker's confidence. Why? Well, never mind why. Use his system. Look, look, sweep one of those young students off her feet. But these are Abernathy students, Susan. They're man-haters like the Dean. George Harvey. All right. I'll try. Good. Try this little blonde coming along the walk. The one with that freshman beanie. Now, go ahead, George. Go ahead. All right. Excuse me. Yes? Have you ever been to Alaska? I hate all men. See, Susan, it's like I said. Well, try step number two, George. Well, you wouldn't be interested in a refrigerator. I hate all men, especially tall, slim men with wavy hair and hazel eyes and little boy smiles. I hate all men. You see, Susan, she said she hates all men. You're doing fine, George. You see, Dr. Hawker? I can hardly believe it's my own system. You see, young lady, this particular model I'm demonstrating has certain features that... that... Yes? Would you mind not standing quite so close? You're breathing on my tie. I know what men are. Pursuing ever, seeking to capture, dominating helpless womanhood. No, no, no, really. I'm afraid you have the wrong idea. Men are... Hey, what are you doing? Oh, I hate all men. Well... Well, she certainly hated men, all right? Yes, I know that. Like a cat hates cream. And you think that if it worked for Mr. Harvey, it would work for me? Of course. Confidence. That's all you need. Right. As you put it in your book, doctor, do it now. Well... Now, you go in there and assert yourself, doctor. You know what you say. What the world thinks you are, you are. I told you. She knows what I am. You... you won't go in and overwhelm her. I... I can't. I am a failure. All right. George, you and Dr. Hawker wait here. I'm going in and use my own system. Well, Susan, do you think it's safe? Perfectly. Dr. Hawker, what has worked for 4,000 years will work for you. Let her go, Dr. Hawker. In moments like this, there's no use arguing with her. Come in. Miss Armstrong, what can I do for you? A Dean Abernathy. It's not about Lionel Hawker. I'm afraid it is. Miss Armstrong, for 20 years I've told him repeatedly that I will have... I've come to you as one woman to another because I feel it's the only honest thing to do. What is? I've come to ask you to give him up. Me? Oh, I know what you're thinking of me. Believe me, I've thought all these things of myself. But I'm afraid I can't help myself. You know Lionel. You're not quite sure I do. I can't excuse myself. I can only say it all happens so quickly. What did? It... one moment. We were almost strangers. The next he caught my attention almost hypnotically and then I felt a strange urge of interest and then I was struggling weekly in a whirlpool of desire. And then... Then? You must give him up. Miss Armstrong, this is Lionel Hawker you were talking about. The real Lionel Hawker. And he's caught you in a whirlpool? Oh, I know he's cool and calculating and scientific and I'm just a woman, a plaything to him, but... I never knew he was so playful. Dean Abernethy, I can only ask you, will you give him up? Miss Armstrong, I'll never give him up. Good for you. What? I mean, good for you and tragic for me. But I'll get along somehow. Where is he? Outside the door. I'll tell him. Excuse me, Miss Armstrong, I'll tell him. Lionel? Yes, Violet? Lionel Hawker, have you? Yes. Have you? Have you ever been to Alaska? Violet, you mean? I certainly do. But I thought you... Alaska? You see, Dr. Hawker, as I interpreted... Never mind, George. Get your kayak and let's paddle off home. Our stars Irene Dunn and Fred McMurray will be back in a moment. Susan, I have to hand it to you. You do, George. That was pretty smart the way you figured out the Dean wasn't a man-hater and a little jealousy would bring her around. Why, thank you. Of course, I knew it all the time myself. Oh. Sure. No woman in the world really hates men. How do you know? Dr. Hawker told me. And that theory of his isn't bad either. A-I-D-A, Alaska... Totem pole. Sure. There's just one thing about that Alaska part I still don't understand. Yes? Where can you find an Eskimo who needs a refrigerator? Oh, George. Irene Dunn and Fred McMurray will be back next week in another exciting comedy adventure in the Gay New Series, Bright Star. This is Wendell Niles inviting you to join us then.