 وأقول في القرآن ما جاءت به آياته فهو الكاريم المنزاله وأقول قال الله جل جلاله والمصطف الهدي ولا أتأواله الحمد لله رب العالمين والصلاة والسلام على عبد الله ورسوله نبينا محمد وعلى آله وصحبه أجمعين السلام عليكم ورحمة الله وبركاته كما always we begin with the praise of Allah and by asking Allah to exalt the mention in grant piece to our messenger Muhammad صلى الله عليه وسلم to his family and his companions This is another episode, another part of this short course on the Muslim family brought to you by المدرسة العمارية in the previous parts and the previous episodes we had spoken about the general understanding of the family the Muslim family just from a general overview and some of the آيات which we can benefit from in that regard and some of the benefits we can take just looking at the Muslim family as a whole and now we want to start being a little bit more specific and so we're going to begin where Allah سبحانه وتعالى began الله عز و جل told us in Surat Al-A'raf in ayah number 189 هو الذي خلقكم من نفس واحدة وجعل منها زوجها ليسكن إليها الله عز و جل said he is the one who created you from a single soul and made and here the word جعل it means خلقه he created he created from that soul from Adam عليه السلام his wife ليسكن إليها and we're going to come more to this in the next ayah Insha'Allah but in order for him to find peace to find respite and tranquility and also to live alongside her and as I said insha'Allah تعالى will delay that till we get to the ayah and sort of room where we're going to discuss it in a bit more detail but here what we wanted to establish is that Allah عز و جل began the Muslim family by creating for Adam عليه السلام his wife حوا and those two from them as we've heard in the ayah which we spoke about the very first ayah in Surat Al-Nisa in which Allah عز و جل tells us و بث منهما رجالا كثيرا و نساءا and from those two came many men and many women so Allah عز و جل tells us that the Muslim family began with Adam and that's something which tells us the importance of the Muslim family in reality because it's something that began at the very beginning الله سبحانه وتعالى right from the very beginning of the creation of mankind الله سبحانه وتعالى from his wisdom and from his infinite knowledge الله عز و جل created for Adam his spouse his wife حوا and that was the beginning of the Muslim family and so that's where we're going to begin إن شاء الله تعالى our detailed discussion on the Muslim family after we've done that little overview and that little kind of summary we're now going to go into the details and we're going to look at specifically marriage in Islam and again we're going to break down marriage into various lessons various episodes or parts of the course إن شاء الله so we're going to start with a general discussion on marriage the goals of marriage the ruling of marriage in Islam the purposes of marriage in Islam and then we're going to talk about the characteristics of the husband the characteristics of the wife and the nature of marriage in Islam so we're going to try to separate those instead of just talking about a lot of the time you find these two put together who should the husband be and what are his rights and who should the wife be and what are her rights I tried to separate it إن شاء الله تعالى in the coming episodes and parts of this course إن شاء الله so that the issue is more we go into more detail what are the characteristics you should find in the ideal Muslim husband and what are the characteristics you should find in the ideal Muslim wife and then look at the basis for this marriage this contract that exists between them what is it based upon what are the rights and the expectations of each party and we can go on from there إن شاء الله تعالى to look at some of the differences and also some of the issues that happen when things don't go right and then إن شاء الله تعالى onwards from that we can look at other parts of the Muslim family we talk about children and so on so today إن شاء الله تعالى what I want to do is to take the issue of marriage in a very general way look at some of the general ideas about marriage and also look at some of its wisdom the purpose, the benefits and the rulings إن شاء الله تعالى so we said that Allah as the word of God began by creating Adam and creating for Adam his wife so what is this whole idea of marriage that we might call in Arabic what is that even linguistically where does this even come from this word زواج so the word or the زي and the واء and the جيم زوج from which the word زواج comes linguistically it means الإرتباط و الإقتران it means two things being bound together and paired up together ماسوا إبن فارس رحم الله تعالى he said مقارنة الشيء بالشيء he said this and you know إبن فارس رحم الله تعالى one of the things you can take from his his معجم مقايس اللغة his dictionary which deals with the definition of Arabic words one of the very beautiful things is that he really summarizes it for you and he really brings you just one or two core sort of meanings for a particular word and he said مقارنة الشيء بالشيء for something to come along with and he paired up with to be alongside something else so linguistically two things I particularly benefit from this the first is that the ties between the husband and wife are very very strong ties even the word زوج indicates that the word مارج indicates that and even in English when we use the word مارج you can say if using it outside just linguistically you can say to marry those two things up and put them together and for them to be kind of bound to each other or tied up with each other so that's one of the meanings والاقتراع for them to be tied and bound to one another and that could be talking about how heavy an oath that marriage is and how serious it is in Islam we're already going to speak about that in شاء الله تعالى the ayat which talk about the weighty nature of marriage and it's not a hadith that talk about how serious marriage is so it's something which leads to إرتيبات it leads to the two things being connected to one another and tied to one another and coming together with one another and being paired up with one another as for in the شرية then it's usually defined and there are some very different definitions that the scholars mentioned but here we can perhaps just mention one of them some of the scholars defined marriage as اقتون يفيدوا حل استمتاع كل من العاقدين بالاخر على الواجه المشروع they said that it is an act it is a contract that's the essence of what Zawaj is in and that's why we said later on شاء الله تعالى as we progress through this course we're going to look at the nature of the contract after we've looked at the nature of the husband and the wife and then look at the nature of the contract it's an act it's an agreement a contract and this agreement is one that makes it permissible for the husband and the wife to be intimate with each other in the way that the شرية has legislated and that is in a way it shows you just how powerful the issue of marriage is because it wasn't allowed for those two to be together prior to that act they weren't allowed to be together boyfriend girlfriend in the religion of Islam they were strangers to one another they weren't allowed to be together and then this act came in place this contract this agreement that took place that made it permissible for them to be together to be a husband and wife and to be intimate with one another in the way that the شرية has legislated so that's something which I think it just sets the scene for what marriage is in Islam and how serious and important this act, this contract is and that it brings two people together that were complete strangers that were completely away from one another that didn't have those ties with one another and then this act this contract brings them together so I think that's something which is profound and worth thinking about and that's what marriage tells us in the Quran that marriage is an آية from the آيات of الله عز وجر it's a sign from the signs of Allah عز وجر الله سبحانه وتعالى said ومن آياته أن خلق لكم من أنفسكم أزواجة لتسكنوا إليها وجعل بينكم مودة ورحمة إن في ذلك لآيات لقومية فكرون في صورة الروم آية number 21 الله عز وجر لكي يمكننا أن نفهم where this آية comes الله عز وجر is telling us about the آيات or some of the آيات بعض آيات الله some of the signs of Allah عز وجر and Allah عز وجر mentioned prior to that in the 20th آية of صورة الروم how Allah عز وجر and then made mankind as a creation that was spread out all over the earth and that this is one of the signs of Allah and like we said Allah عز وجر created Adam and from the signs of Allah now when we say the آيات of Allah here what are we referring to so when we're referring to the آيات of Allah here and آية of course we know the آيات of the Qur'an but the word آية itself is a sign or a proof and here Allah عز وجر tells us that marriage is an آية from the آيات of Allah it is a sign and a proof from the signs and the proofs of Allah عز وجر and we know that there are آيات الله which are كونية and قدرية there are آيات of Allah in what Allah عز وجر created and what Allah عز وجر decreed there are signs of Allah سبحانه وتعالى in that and this comes many times in the Qur'an like the statement of Allah عز وجر وفي أنفسكم أفلا توصيرون in your own self there are آيات there are signs there are proofs even in your own self if you would only look so here Allah عز وجر is telling us about marriage and he says ومن آياته from the signs of Allah عز وجر so what is it a sign of or what is it an indication of or a proof of it's a sign of the power of Allah عز وجر the decree of Allah سبحانه وتعالى the knowledge of Allah سبحانه وتعالى the wisdom that exists in all of the things that Allah decrees this is a sign from the signs of Allah سبحانه وتعالى and it shows Allah's infinite power it shows Allah's infinite wisdom and it shows the knowledge that Allah عز وجر has of his creation that Allah سبحانه وتعالى created his creation and created for them this institution of marriage ومن آياته أن خلق لكم that Allah created for you that Allah عز وجر created for you and this again we spoke about how the family is a blessing from the blessings of Allah عز وجر and as well in previous episodes we spoke about آياته وبي نعمة الله is it the falsehood that they believe in and the blessings of Allah that they are ungrateful for we spoke about that in the context of the family and the family is a blessing from the blessings of Allah here again is another evidence for that that Allah عز وجر created for you as a blessing for you and here the scholars of Tafsir differed the majority of the scholars of Tafsir that this ayah is directed towards the males towards the men and that Allah عز وجر tells us that Allah سبحانه وتعالى created our wives for us just as Allah عز وجر and that goes back to the beginning that Allah عز وجر created for Adam خلق لكم and others among the scholars of Tafsir they said that the لكم here they called the men and the women together in other words that Allah عز وجر created the spouses for each other He created the wife for the husband and the husband for the wife من أنفسكم ومن آياته أن خلق لكم من أنفسكم Allah عز وجر created for you from yourselves here there's a couple of different ways we can understand this statement from yourselves one is to say that the word from yourselves refers to Adam and حوا that حوا was created from the ضلع from the rib of Adam عليهم السلام and so she was created from Adam but also we can take this more broadly and we can also say that this refers to the fact that husband and wife as we said are both human beings are both of the same kind the same type and so that's why there is this love and mercy and affection and care and forgiveness that exist between them and if Allah سبحانه وتعالى had made them of different kinds people have that expression that men are from Mars and women are from Venus or something like that the point is here that Allah عز وجر specifically tells us in the Quran that it's not like that the reason that husband and wife can come together as a pair as a partner as spouses is because they are من أنفسكم they are from each other they are of the same kind as each other من أنفسكم عز وجر spouses from your own selves and that's from the wisdom of Allah عز وجل and from Allah سبحانه وتعالى supreme knowledge of his creation that Allah عز وجل decreed that he would create for the spouses or he would create spouses for each other from the same kind لتسكنوا إليها and here is where we really need to think about this part of the ayah because لتسكنوا إليها لتسكنوا it comes back لتسكنوا إليها and these words we can look at it in two but we can actually look at it in many different ways it's not even that we can look at it in two different ways but I'm going to mention two just to show you the contrast we can see it as being a second in terms of living together so Allah عز وجل created a husband and wife to live together as a household and we said this is the beginning of the Muslim of the Muslim family that they live together as a household and they spend time with each other so that's part of it لتسكنوا إليها but that's not the main or that's not the only thing and it's perhaps not even the main thing that you take the main thing that you take from a second and a سكون is as some of the scholars said it is the opposite of Al-Harakah it's the opposite of moving around and Al-Ad-Dirab it's a kind of shaky so it's about being still and it's about being tranquil and finding peace and finding contentment and that is the primary meaning that we take from this لتسكنوا إليها to find tranquility with them to find peace with them to find even you could say stillness not being shaky you know being still and being calm and being with them to find what some people might call a سكون peace as some of them talk about طؤمانينا و إطمئنان tranquility that is one of the major reasons for which Allah إزا وجل legislated this amazing and this wise creation that Allah سبحانه وتعالى tells us about and it's one of the ayat of Allah that Allah إزا وجل created spouses husband and wife to find tranquility with one another and to find peace with one another and that's why some of the scholars said when they came to the statement لتسكنوا إليها that the إله here what it means is it means that for the heart to find peace for the heart but the word إله إله means here it talks about a matter of the heart لتسكنوا إليها to find tranquility in the heart and ultimately that also tells us we can come back to this ayah many times but even it talks about the kind of relationship there should be between husband and wife it should be that let's say the husband has been out all day at work and he's stressed and he's been struggling with various different things he should come back and open the door of his house and find a سكينة tranquility and peace maybe not even with his kids maybe his kids are also stressing him out as well but when he sits alone with his wife he finds سكينة he's peaceful, he's tranquil he's happy also some of the scholars mentioned this they mentioned happiness, content all those feelings of the heart and also it also indicates the body as well but talking about the heart likewise the wife the wife let's say she's been busy all day with the kids they've been screaming and shouting and fighting with each other and the husband comes in and she spends some time with her husband and she should find that tranquility and peace and that's one of the objectives that we have behind this course behind the Muslim family and the element of it that deals with marriage is to encourage all of us to improve ourselves so that we can be from those people that have that سكينة that tranquility and that contentment of the heart when we are with our spouses شيخ الإسلام من تيمير رحمه الله تعالى I mentioned in this that it refers to both the heart and the body so it has here the issue of سكينو إليها it contains within it the matters of the heart and the matters of the body so physically you spend time together you live together under one roof your spouse is the closest person to you in a physical sense and also in terms of the heart the one that makes your heart peaceful and tranquil and brings you happiness and contentment وجعل بينكم مودة ورحمة وجعل بينكم مودة ورحمة before we come to this just on the previous point on that on the previous part of the آية لتسكنو إليها isn't this one of the signs of Allah سبحانه وتعالى how Allah عز و جل created love between the spouses how Allah سبحانه وتعالى put contentment in their hearts how Allah عز و جل made them be able to live with one another in peace and tranquility and happiness it's a sign from the signs of Allah سبحانه وتعالى it's a sign which indicates the immense wisdom of Allah عز و جل the knowledge of Allah سبحانه وتعالى Allah's infinite ability all of those things are indicated by the fact that the couples the husband and the wife they live together like that وجعل بينكم مودة ورحمة and Allah placed between you مودة ورحمة I want to stop on this word وجعل بينكم Allah عز و جل is the one who places love and mercy between the hearts of the spouses and that tells us two things first of all it tells us that real love and real mercy can only be found through what Allah has made حلال and what Allah has made permissible they can't be found through what Allah has made حرار and that's why all of the people living all over the world in relationships outside of marriage they will never ever find مودة ورحمة they will never ever find that true love that is more than شهوات it's more than desire or it's more than passion it's more than just you know quote on quote falling in love it's something more than that they will never find it because Allah سبحانه وتعالى is the one who placed مودة ورحمة place love and mercy between the spouses and also it tells us how powerful the feelings of marriage are and from here is that some of the scholars mentioned that when you separate from your family you separate from your spouse maybe for example you have to go away for a long time or perhaps one of them passes away or perhaps the marriage breaks down in some way and they separate it can be harder than a person than anything else it can be harder than because the feelings are so strong and why are the feelings so strong because Allah سبحانه وتعالى is the one who put that مودة and that رحمة between the spouses Allah سبحانه وتعالى it's something much more powerful than the شهوات the desires that might come when people sort of enter into relationships they're not supposed to be in the wild for a few weeks or months whatever Allah decrees but ultimately it's not the real thing the real thing is what Allah سبحانه وتعالى puts between the heart of the husband and the wife مودة and رحمة I want to look at this مودة and رحمة from a couple of different angles first of all I would like to look at مودة and رحمة in terms of the general meaning so مودة is like some of the scholars said المحبة وزيادة it's love and more it's love that comes along with support it's love that comes along with friendship it's love that comes along with sacrifice these are some of the things that I found from the people of knowledge they mentioned about this word مودة it's love that comes along with extra comes along with support so it's not just about you know like we might term but also about supporting each other being there for each other being friends to one another helping each other out having each others back giving up sacrifice for one another sacrificing for each other giving up your rights for the other one that is part of المودة and مودة ورحمة and رحمة here is mercy so I wanted to look at these two words and mercy what does that include by the way mercy includes forgiveness it includes being kind to a person it includes إحسان you know extraiving for excellence in your relationship with that person all of these things are indicated by المودة and الرحمة but one of the beautiful things you can take here is to look at the contrast between the two مودة and رحمة here in the ayah so we can take them together or we can take them apart and what I mean by that is we can take them together as in how مودة and رحمة love affection and mercy should be in the marriage all the time but we can also look at how one of them might be stronger than the other one at different times so مودة just think about it as love and care and affection what happens when that love and care and affection isn't as strong as maybe it should be what happens when you have an argument what happens when that love is just having an off day it's not there as strong you're not feeling it as strong then comes the رحمة the mercy so actually if you look at the two they can contrast each other مودة which refers to the good times and you know you love each other and you care for each other and you're affectionate to each other and you really look out for each other but then you also have رحمة that when things are not going well you have mercy on each other you overlook each other's faults you forgive each other that's one way of looking at it but that's just one way of looking at it if we take it from the other way and we talk about how you bring those two things together then some of the scholars and the strength of the marriage is in these two things the strength of the marriage is that it's not just love it's love and mercy come together so it brings together all of the essential elements of the marriage in terms of what the marriage should be based upon and that could be like we talked about المحبة love it could be نصر supporting each other it could be إيثار sacrificing for each other it could be العفو overlooking each other's faults this is the essence upon which الله سبحانه وتعالى has built this relationship and that's why it's so strong because it's built upon ورحمة it's built upon affection and love and it's built upon mercy and when those two come together it makes the strength of it makes the strength of the bond that exists between the husband and wife الله سبحانه وتعالى قال إنه في ذلك لآيات لقومية فكرون in this there are many signs الله didn't even say one sign there are many signs for a people who think and reflect and actually if you were to sit and think and reflect about this ayah you would be able to think about so many different benefits that come from this ayah I'm just going to mention one example of a benefit that you could take from this ayah just by to double just by thinking about it and reflecting about it this ayah contains the importance of compatibility between the spouses because الله سبحانه وتعالى تسكنوا إليها and to get that سكينة or the second or سكون to get that tranquility and that being you know finding peace in your heart when you're with them that requires a certain amount of compatibility and that's why الله سبحانه وتعالى يتحدث about the basic compatibility that exists between men and women between husband and wife الله talked about the basic compatibility when he said وَمِنْ أَيَاتِهِ أَنْخَالَقَ لَأَكُمْ مِنْ أَنْفُسِكُمْ from the ayah of Allah is that he created for you from yourselves so that tells us the basic compatibility but the more we strive to find that compatibility between the husband and wife the more we hope that it will lead to a second it will lead to peace and tranquility سكون and a sakina and مودة and love and rahma and mercy so it does tell us the importance of finding that compatibility but when I say compatibility here and we'll stress it when we talk about the characteristics of the husband and the wife and the relationship and the marriage it doesn't mean they have to be identical it doesn't mean that they have to be the same it just means that they have to find that sakina and to get married they should be looking is this a person that I can find that sakina with you know not that it's from this angle for example when some of the scholars speak about the issue of marrying someone who has different customs to you different culture to you and while we say this is not forbidden in Islam the concern the scholars raise over it is they raise a concern that a person might get in a situation where not finding that tranquility and that peace with one another because of the issue of having different customs and different culture among them and different expectations from one another so what I took from this ayah or one of the things that you can just make to Debora just think about and just reflect upon when it comes to this ayah is the importance of finding that common ground and that compatibility and the more you find that common ground will be based and that will lead to that Mawadda and the Rahma and of course the Mawadda and the Rahma is something and this is from the ayat of Allah is what we can take as well is that the Mawadda and the Rahma the affection and the mercy are something that grow as we said these two people didn't know one another until they got married they you know as we know they looked at one another they met one another they got the agreement to marry but they really didn't until they got married and yet الله سبحانه وتعالى caused that love and that mercy and that affection to increase as time went on and again we can take and bring that back to issues of finding common ground and finding compatibility that's what Allah has made it easy for me to mention in this episode and we can move on from here Insha'Allah we're also going to be talking about some of the ayat generally that deal with marriage and some of the benefits and that's what Allah has made it easy to mention in Allah's best والصلاة والسلام على نبينا محمد وعلى آله وصحبه أجمعين السلام عليكم if you're enjoying these videos and you'd like to keep up to date with all of the courses we're going to be running make sure you head over to amauathome.com