 Borderline personality disorder comes with a lot of misconception, especially around dating. But knowing whether or not someone has it or not can be quite tricky, it is not a one-size-fits-all diagnosis. BPD, if untreated and unnoticed, can be rather harmful to the person with it and their relationships. However, it's also highly responsive to treatment, with a high remission rate. To explore this, here are six signs you may be dating someone with BPD. What is BPD? Chem personality disorder is a cluster B personality disorder, which according to the Mayo Clinic are a series of disorders characterized by dramatic, overly-emotional, or unpredictable thinking or behavior. This can present in a multitude of ways. Some may be loud and expressive with their emotions, whereas some may direct it all in words. The symptoms may be similar among different subtypes, however recognizing them can be rather difficult. Here are the nine symptoms of BPD, frantic efforts to avoid abandonment, intense and rocky interpersonal relationships, unstable sense of self, impulsivity in at least two different areas that are self-destructive, suicidal and self-harming behaviors, intense mood swings, feelings of emptiness, intense and inappropriate anger, stress-related paranoia. So, what are some ways you can spot these behaviors in real time? Let's talk abandonment. The number one symptom in BPD is a fear of abandonment. An article from Very Well Mind explains that people with BPD are sensitive to and try to avoid abandonment, whether it's real or imagined. What constitutes abandonment can vary and can be subtle. For instance, if they perceive your tone in a text message to be off, they may think you're upset with them. Other ways people avoid abandonment is by people pleasing, asking for reassurance and excessively apologizing. The fear of abandonment can bring out a lot of different emotions and behaviors. Maybe they'll do something reckless like spend excessively or drink alcohol. Others may internalize the emotion and question themselves about what went wrong. Some may also get upset with you and can even cut the relationship off if they feel there's nothing they can do to make it better. The fear of abandonment often leads to the other symptoms in BPD. They seem hot and cold. BPD is tricky. For both the person experiencing the condition and the one dating them. One minute they treat you like your royalty and they adore you deeply and admire your every move. They seem to get you and understand you like no other. This is called idealization. And from their perspective they really do think this, however on the flip side they may suddenly turn cold. They may think that you're an uncaring person and that all of your negative qualities are suddenly overpowering anything positive. This is called devaluation. The switch between this idealization and devaluation is called splitting. Splitting is triggered by feelings of abandonment. So leaving a text message on red or having an argument. This idea can manifest in many different ways, especially the devaluation. Some people with BPD may yell at you and tell you exactly what they feel. Others may go quiet and withdraw from you. In this case they don't feel you're the bad guy, but they are. It's not always you. They can also idealize and devalue themselves. Therapist Ashley Jenae says this can feel like a yo-yo. You're constantly bouncing back and forth and never know what side you'll get. For the person with BPD, they'll feel this as well. Often with undiagnosed BPD, the person with it may not realize their mental health is a problem. However, knowing and understanding the illness is hugely beneficial in combating splitting. Their moods shift quickly. Having borderline personality disorder does not mean that you experience different emotions than everyone else. It simply means that you sometimes experience stronger or more intense emotions than many other people, according to the Optimum Performance Institute. This can mean that moods and BPD shift quickly, especially once the fear of abandonment is triggered. They may be having a great day, but are quickly derailed by a missed phone call or an unpleasant interaction at work. One of these mood shifts can last just a few minutes, but others may take hours to return to a calmer place. In an article by the Clearview Woman Center, they explain that people with BPD may have perception shifts and feel that everyone hates them one day, despite having a wonderful time the day prior. Because of these mood swings, people with BPD are often confused with bipolar. You can have really high highs and extremely low lows, however, unlike bipolar, BPD's different emotions are always changing, and these changes are dependent on the environment. They have a history of rocky relationships. As a symptom of BPD is intense and unstable relationships, you may find that your partner has many stories. They may often talk about their ex-partners in the worst light, or explain how they don't have many friends, as a lot of them were toxic. Somehow, they have a lengthy history of being mistreated by others. And perhaps this is the case. In the beginning, this may seem like a surprise. After all, how could such a nice and living person have so many enemies? Many symptoms in BPD can be driving forces in this. From splitting and erratic decisions to heightened emotions, all can drive people away from the person with BPD. In some cases, they may feel like you're the only one that can help them, which the Clearview Woman Center describes as being a vulnerable seducer. They may find that no one understands them. Or they end up leaving relationships in the end. In other cases, people-pleasing behavior can cause those with BPD to take in people and hold on to them. Even if there are serious red flags, this can lead to a lot of relationship turmoil that ends up alienating them in the end. The good news is that treatment is there. BPD is a chronic mental health disorder, and should be treated as such. The good news is that BPD is highly responsive to treatment, and the prognosis for it is better than many other mental health conditions. In fact, the Clearview Woman Center explains that when receiving proper treatment and awareness, 90% of people with BPD can achieve remission for at least a two-year period, with 85 keeping it for at least four. Different forms of psychotherapy like dialectical behavioral therapy help increase mindfulness, stress tolerance, and acceptance, which have profound effects on the disorder. With some hard work, it is possible to no longer meet the criteria for BPD. It's possible to have a healthy and fulfilling relationship. But like anything, it's important to put the effort in, and to make it that way. 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