 If I'm a woman and I am here trying to be like, let's hold each other accountable. And if you're wanting this and that, well, these men are saying this, like you think we would have a pow wow and let's talk about it amongst women, but it never happens. Those particular women get the men. Men love those women boy on the internet. Maybe because they've been wanting a woman to tell them that for a long time. It's validation. They probably have someone. Right, it's validation. Like I'm not crazy. But the women don't want to listen to that. And that's where the men are. But women will find over a woman that will say, this ain't shit. And that particular person, we have all women. I wonder why? Maybe we, women only listen to women in pain. Listen, it's the message right here. Black boy tell me how you really feel. Cause I just want to build with you. Black girl tell me how you really feel. I want to keep it real with you. I want to live better, eat better. I want to love better, sleep better. Yeah, I want to feel so aligned. I haven't even pulled the questions up, but I have it kind of memorized. In an alternate universe, you woke up tomorrow. You were a man. You're a black man. Describing as much detail, physical attributes, mental attributes, financial attributes. You go whichever way you want to go. What type of man would you be? It's a good question. It's a great question. I'm answering this now. Oh my God. We're kind of manly. We're kind of... All right. Oh. The type of man, I don't know. I would look at myself like, like a superhero. So tall, six foot, broad shoulders, dark, like midnight. Deep voice. Very piercing eyes to get to your soul. And I wouldn't wear a cape. Not at all. But you would see the six pack. And I would really hold myself to a high regard as if I'm just unfasable. And I just, when I think about a black man and what black, what black men mean to me, I would put me in essence of a superhero, if that makes sense, because I don't know how that's how I see you guys. Okay. Tell me about the attributes that would make the male version of you distinct from the female version of you. So for instance, like if you're sensitive, I would also want him to be sensitive or I would be less sensitive. Like what are the- No, absolutely less sensitive. Very more logical. Cause I'm really, I'm trying to tap into that part of me to get more logical. Cause I can tend to be overly sensitive and act like a crybaby. I think the sense of, or the urge to have power would be a little bit exemplified if I was a man. I would be, I don't want to say power hungry, but I would. I would want to climb any kind of ladder, any kind of corporate ladder to be at the top. So I wouldn't. I kind of think as a woman, I kind of subdue that a lot because it does bring on a lot of masculine traits that I can have. So I try to kind of relax and try to let other people lead, but I have so many ideas and things that I can see and how things can work. So I try to, it's weird, but I try to get that across, but still try to be a woman because God knows I can be a little overbearing maybe sometimes. The reason I ask that question is because in our community, a lot of times we hear about everything that's wrong with black men. So I could ask a woman, who's your ideal black man? But I think when you put them in the shoe of become your ideal black man and describe him and make it make sense, it makes it, it drives the point home. So what do you think are some challenges that the male version of you would have? The male version of me. That's a good question. I don't, you know, I would, I would probably say maybe monogamy. Break that down. This is getting interesting. Because I know how I would command the attention. And I know women would really fawn over me because they easily would just fawn over someone that pays them no mind. That they look up to. And me being a superhero of course, it would be falling all over me. And I think I would bask in the attention. Do you think monogamy is natural to men? I think monogamy in the sense of wanting a family with a wife is natural to the man to be a protector over his family. Having multiple families I don't think is natural with a man. But the urge for other women, I don't think subsides when it gets married. I don't think that's natural for a man. I think it can be controlled. But no, I don't think naturally a man is just like, okay, I got my wife, I'm done. I won't, man, none of the woman. No, I don't. I don't think that at all. So with the male version of you, right? The superhero, once he settles down, or settles down and gets married, should A, his wife make some concession for him and allow him to exercise his options, as people say. Or should he subdue that urge? Oh, should you? Would I? Yes. I think would be my responsibility to always be honest with my wife. I definitely would want dick discipline. So I definitely believe that I need to control myself. Like I am a husband now. So again, my superpowers, I would try to get all that out before I got married. But I think it'd be honest. And for me, as a superhero and a man, to think that I would never mess up would be silly. So I think it would be upon me to be honest. So you're saying you would probably slip, slip and fall into some, you know what I'm saying? Well, because I'd be a superhero. So sometimes it's kind of hard to block all the pussy. That's because we thought it at me. I mean, I could block with some, you know, with my drug. You know, so I would try my best. Oh. But I think men, period, want a family. I think they want a wife and I think they want kids and I think that they want to be protective over their family. But you're still a man and being a husband, being a Christian doesn't stop you from being a man. So I think honesty is definitely something that has to be talked about in a relationship. Definitely. Do you feel like women who have secured that caliber of man, do you think they should provide some concessions or a bit of leniency if that man mistakenly falls into, you know what I'm saying? He falls into slips, trips, you know? All right, I don't want to have it where I just, there's a particular caliber of a man that is okay. Like that should be, you know, okay. Well, he's successful. He's my superhero and so if he's slipping up in some other women, then that's fine. As a woman, I'm gonna have a problem with that. So I think it's like. Is it a deal breaker? No, well, if I'm married, I don't believe there's anything that's a deal. Well, with this whole Jada and Smith and Nessa deal breaker, but for me, just a mistake or things that you don't want to do or you don't want to continue if you don't want to disrespect me or if something happens, that's just not a deal breaker. Like it gotta be something else where it's just a continually, you're abusing me. Yeah. Am I answering that? Yeah. Did I miss the question? No, no, no, you said it has to be like a convention. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I think marriage is forever. I think things happen in a marriage where you'll get hurt. I don't think marriage is something where it's going to be all sunny and rainbows. You're going to go through shit. I think it's important and I don't know the security of knowing that I always have you. For me, that's what I look forward to in being married. Is that security? My blanket, you're always there and I'm always going to be there. So it's on my Tupac. Me against the world, also against the world. Okay, Jada. All right. So I mean, some men are going to hear that and they're going to say she might subconsciously be saying the better or the higher caliber you are of a man, the more, the longer your leash, the more concessions you get. Is that true? It is true. Talk about it. It is true. So I mean, successful men, rich men, handsome men have, it's a privilege. It's a privilege to be at this type of level that other people are reaching for. That's the reason why other people want to be at that. It's a privilege that they have. They have privilege with women. So let's take a ease yourself up, right? Women fawn over him. So he's able to get away with a whole lot of stuff than Joe next door couldn't because of who he is, the success, his looks, his height, things like that. So of course, it's a privilege. It's a pretty privilege. Pretty beautiful women are able to get away with a little bit more than the plain Jane is able to. And again, that's why women are wanting to get the big butts and the makeup and all that. So they're striving to get that particular privilege to feel that way. So I saw, I think it was a TikTok a while back and the lady was talking about, she said in about 10 to 15, 20 years, a lot of our women are gonna be disfigured. She said they're getting these veneers that require them to shave their teeth down. They're getting these BBLs that actually require maintenance. And they don't actually have the money to even afford the first BBL, let alone the maintenance. So in a couple of years, they're gonna be disfigured. So is this currency, this beauty currency that people are risking their lives for, is it worth the payout? Especially knowing that it's not gonna last for always. No, no. I think that's a, when I see cookie cutter women, especially, sorry, Atlanta, but Atlanta, and I see these ginormous butts and tits and then the snatch ways and everyone looks alike. And then knowing the pain, cause I know people that's had those surgeries and the pain that they have to go through and it is maintenance and being in debt to get this ideal body that you think men want I think it's a delusion that a lot of, it's women because it's not a race. It's a lot of delusion that we think that men want us to look this way. So the investment, we don't look long-term. We don't look long-term in a lot of things. We look at the now and now I want to present myself as something that you will want that would attract you that would make you fall over, head over heels with me. But I don't think men want that. That was my next question. Do you think, so men don't want that. Why do women think that's what men want and are risking their lives? For instance, a BBL is one of the most dangerous surgeons. So like, why do they continue to think that? Because it's glorified in the media. You don't see natural women having millions of followers. So it's an attention thing. It's not necessarily a men wanted thing. Women get validated but from likes and clicks. So, and the more attention that you give me, the more comments that you give me if I'm showing my butt instead of showing me in a full-length pantsuit, of course in my head I'm gonna think, oh, I look better when I'm half-naked. Men want me to look this way. Men are telling me in comments. I want to marry you looking at this. Oh, I won't have all your kids. These are the comments. But then when I'm not dressed that way and I'm dressed in a pants and a shirt, my mama's the only one commenting on me. So of course, it's like, how are we not supposed to believe that that's how you want us to look when that's what you give us attention for looking? So how do we fix that? Because one of the things that bothers me is like regular Joes, regular men get blamed for women risking their life because the narrative of that is that I'm risking my life because that's what you want. And men are saying, I didn't tell you I wanted that. You're not saying it, but your actions are showing it. So how do you stop it? I don't know if you can. There's always, men are always gonna like the Jessica rabbits, that idea Coke bottle shade, big tits, big butts. And how do you combat it for women to understand that you just want to have sex with that but not necessarily want to be with that? Let me put it like this. One of the conversations. I didn't even have Lucian's song. I don't know. I don't know. Wait, wait, wait. Well, listen to that. Listen to Jane to do it. I mean, one of the things I've been talking about is the idea of a black female delegation. So instead of men having to get on podcasts and make YouTube channels telling women what to do, women should be policing themselves. So like, how can women better police themselves in a situation like this? I don't think that a woman doing a podcast and really saying something of essence that's realistic. I don't really think women listen to us. If you look at women podcasters and the women that are, some might say pandering, some would say pickies or anything like that, but are saying what men are wanting women to know, their audience is not women, because women don't care. You would think that if I'm a woman and I am here trying to be like, let's hold each other accountable. And if you're wanting this and that, well, these men are saying this, like, you think we could have a pow wow and let's talk about it amongst women, but it never happens. Those particular women get the men. Men love those women boy on the internet. Maybe because they've been wanting a woman to tell them that for a long time. At least finally have someone. Right, validation, like I'm not crazy. But the women don't want to listen to that. And that's where the men are. But women will find over a woman that will say, niggas ain't shit. In that particular person, we have all women. Huh. I wonder why. Maybe we women only listen to women in pain. That's a good, that's actually a really good point. One of the questions I asked a former interviewee, I asked her, why do songs about men in misery do so well? Right, like, you hear women say, I want Adele to get fat again. I want Jasmine Sullivan to get her heart broken again because that's when she produces the best art. So there's like a demand for misery. From a female perspective, why do you think that is? Like, why is that more familiar or resonates more? Or why is there such a thirst for that as opposed to, you know, actual real, you know, stuff? Well, I know it's powerful or a woman feels validated. When we're able to get along or get with other girlfriends that feel the same way or spout the same negative connotation of men and men ain't shit and all that. So it makes us feel like, yeah, that's right. Like, there's nothing wrong with me. So when I hear another person in pain and I'm in pain, then it's like, oh, okay, yep. It solidifies the idea that it's men's fault and it couldn't be anything of me. This is some good questions. Because it makes me think of like the why. Like, why do we enjoy being in misery? Cause that's what it is. Cause I know after a heartbreak, I'm not looking to fix it. I'm looking to play music and have wine and soak and cry over Anita Baker or Shade. And I enjoy being sad. Like, I get off work and I will look forward to crying. That's interesting. Yeah. Hmm. So another guest, she said that, cause I asked her, is peace scarier than chaos? And essentially she said, chaos is more familiar. So talk about why there is such a, I guess, hunger for or taste for. Let me put it that way. The crying after, you know, why is that? Make that make sense to me. Cause we don't, you know what I'm saying? And I'm just thinking about that. Cause it was like, you know, after work, you think you would do something to uplift yourself, like calm down. And I was literally, I was looking forward to go at home and just cry. Yeah. And I was like, well, I can't wait to get a home. I just want to cry. Hmm. But the being familiar more with chaos and peace. I can relate, not necessarily chaos, but relating to not understanding that a relationship doesn't mean that we have, that fighting should be in there. Like jealousy has to be in a relationship. And if, if he don't get mad at you for this and that, and he don't really love you, I subscribed to that. I was like, you ain't screwed. You ain't mad that I'm going out. Like, no, baby, go out. Hmm. Why are you not mad? You don't know. You know, and it was like, why are you questioning me for trusting you, for allowing you to do you thing? I don't, do we see healthy relationships like that? Like, do you see it on TV? Do you see it, mom and daddy? Well, hell, do you see mom and daddy, period? I don't know if I see it in the relationships that I see or the songs that I hear is always something of pain. So maybe an associate relationship, it has to be something painful. Or you have to go through it, the rod or die. Like, I ain't done now. So I'm a rod, I ain't done. No, I'm a rod. I mean, I'm like, pop one, but I ain't done. No, I think I'm swerving. But I don't know, hmm. All right, so to elaborate on that, right? So one of the complaints I got from a female friend of mine, actually multiple female friends of mine, now that I'm thinking about it, they're saying that one of the things that they've run into with guys is number one, they weren't believed. And I'll explain what I mean. And number two, they were encouraged to be toxic. So in one instance that I was being told about, they were having an argument or a conversation. And the guy at the end of it complained that she wasn't crazy enough. And you'll see even on social media and pop culture, there is this idea that if your dick game is strong enough, it will drive a woman crazy. So therefore, I'm being dignitized. We project that and we're like, I want you to be crazy to validate my dick game. Wow, okay, all right. And I think it comes from men being raised by single mothers. So like, what are your thoughts on that? There is a thing being dignitized. That's true, yeah, it is true. But men do like, I do see it where men are attracted to crazy women. And I don't have to ask men why, but yeah, I do see that. Like the normal everyday woman that it's just super low-key, don't cause no problems. You say you want it, but then when I look at relationships, I'll be like, man, she got a crazy girl got him. Darn, like slashing tires, cussing them out, calling mama and them. Yo, son, they to be the ones that have the men. And then like, again, like low-key chill women that don't cause any problems. So maybe it's also men, they don't think that. We're incentivizing each other's back. Right, absolutely. Yeah, I see that. How do we move in the opposite direction? Because, you know, like, part of the rumors are the crazy girls have better whop. The toxic men have better dick, you know what I'm saying? So how do we move away from that? It could be true to that. So talk about it, why do you think there's truth to that? Because that's all you have to give if I'm a crazy person who would want me being crazy. But however, if I know how to have amazing sex with you and, I mean, the sex, seduction, beauty is a man's weakness, so of course I'm gonna make sure that I know how to do my kegels. Yeah, and as a man, I don't have anything to offer. I can't lead anything. I can't provide anything. But I know how to make sure that your body is completely taken care of. Of course. I'm gonna look over a lot of stuff because you're physically fulfilling me. And we're sexual people, overly sexual people. And that's a good question. Do you feel like our community is using sex to overcompensate foreign deficiencies? Absolutely, absolutely. Everything is sex-based in our community. Every conversation is about sex. Relationships, it's sex, sex, sex, sex. When you look at us in the media, we're sexualized, the women. I mean, I can't see, I remember back in the day as I show my age, I mean like Queen Latifah and Rod Diga and they were clothed and they were real MCs as women and now all I see is ass. And it's like, damn, every video you got us work, every video I got a damn to see all up in the vagina, like put on some clothes, but it's not. We're just sex and we sell our sex. And I think it's been part of the destruction of the black woman. It's very hard to say I'm strong and I'm intelligent. What do you think happened? Like when did that change? Cause you're describing a time when that wasn't the case. When did you see that change and why? Well, as far as female hip hop, it changed with Lil' Kim and Lil' Kim came out in the 90s. So what was going on in the 90s? I think it was a turn. If we're looking at hip hop, it's the reflection of a lot of black society and our environment. So in the 80s, the crack epidemic, fatherlessness was, I think, was at an all-time high because of drugs. So you heard pain in our hip hop. You heard Curtis Blow, you know, these are the brakes that don't push me on close to the edge, like we were hurting. And then I think in the 90s it switched because those were our parents that were hurting. Hip hop was a little older, some of them was a little older. But in the 90s we didn't have mom and daddy. So we didn't know how to carry ourselves. And so then you saw the violence and then the NWA's and then East Coast, West Coast. Dad was already gone. You saw the incision of dad leaving to dad never being there. And so now how do we look at ourselves as black folks when your dad, your father is the one that gives you your image? Your daddy validates you as a black man, seeing your dad, I want to be him as a black girl. This is the type of man that I aspire to be. I don't have anything to look up for it. I don't have anything to look to. So dad is completely gone in the 90s. And so the only thing that I know that men want from me is sex. So I'm gonna double down on that. And then men, I want to be a strong man but I don't see it in a home. So now me selling drugs, now I'm a thug, now I'm gangster. That's my strength and that's what I think is strong. And I think that's what you see in the 90s. And then it's just been perpetuating and it's getting worse. So in the space that we occupy on these YouTube treats, one of the things you hear brought up a lot is when the black man was taken out of the home and the marriage rate fell and the black family was in disarray. Do you feel like marriage or the marriage rate is a reasonable metric to gauge the success or the failure of our community? Yeah, I think when the marriage rate started declining, our morality started declining. And so now we're looking at people that have married 34%, maybe a little higher, maybe a little lower, but yeah, so now look at black women, look how we are looking. And that's not all black women, but the one that are representing us in the media, not even looking too good. Any? Go ahead, Miss. And I was even saying, even politically, when you see the black women, the one that gets glorified are the ones that ain't even with black men. So I even think, if we're looking at these black women that are carrying themselves to an esteem, they're not with the black man. So what is that telling girls? What is that telling? Well, if you wanna get to this particular statue, get your white man. The Kamala hair is the woman that wants to be on the Supreme Court. They're not even with the black man. So yeah, get to this. If you wanna be here, disassociate yourself with the black man. So I think we talk a lot about, like in mass, we talk about all the ways that black men were complicit in our community's destruction and how they helped selling drugs, jail, crime. What are the ways that you think are unique to black women and how they helped destroy the black family and the marriage rate being so low? What are the ways that you're willing to say, we need to own this? To be a count before our destruction of the black family. I think black women assimilated to white culture and looking at white women. White women was able to try to be independent from their men but still go home and be interdependent with them. It was like, they're able to, white folks have this great ability to present something that they know that don't necessarily work at home. Black people and black women are so damn gullible sometimes that we take the bait and think that since the white woman is doing it, I can do it too. And you can't. Like we took the bait. They were out there burning bras and wanting for us to join in with them and we did. And we kept that notion of we don't need a man and they know that they do, but they just fed it to us. You know, I'm conspiracy theorist, so I always think there was a reason why, but it worked. Everything, I wish black women would realize that what we're seeing of ourselves is trash. Our culture isn't the image that is being portrayed of us is and we have the power to change it. We don't want to be over sexualized and close your legs. Like we can change a whole lot of this and I think we don't understand our power. Black women have a lot of power. We just have been using it for evil, not for good. Pinkie in the brain. I think that's a really good point. I think that's a really good point.