 Okay, so where have I heard that weak non apologetic Sorry excuse for a repenting statement before Hmm. Oh Yeah, I heard it from me it I'm so used to that some of you all are hearing and actually I wasn't even I was sitting here waiting to to work on something else to put together another lesson and As I was looking at it as I was Kind of going through some things I just went on YouTube and and and it said that this particular person has Decided that he wanted to repent Repent repent again from what he stepped and wait for what well apparently Apparently the same thing apparently John Gray has decided that How do I put this apparently he now is a time that he needs to come clean well I'm not gonna really talk too much about him although I'm gonna play a little bit of what he said But I think what what needs to be stated is How not to repent How not to repent what he what he said honestly guys was not even Repentant and what I want to do is I want to pull something up real quick. I think I think I even Let me let me check something here. I think what I did was I even have had the wrong File up. So let me make sure I do that first. There it is And so what I want to do is is is just listen to him for a second and then Kind of address it and tell you why this is not a any sort of repentance at all the trauma from sexual abuse in my childhood The generational setbacks the examples that I didn't have and other people as well Those can be reasons why we arrive at a place, but they can't be an excuse to stay there At some point we're gonna have to take personal responsibility. I find myself Looking In the mirror in a way that I never have Many of you have loved me through so many different seasons of my life This past weekend was the final piece in a very quiet puzzle that only a few people in my life knew about Which is I have been battling with a level of darkness that no one knew and they come to the point where suicidal ideations were becoming more clearly formulated and I was thinking about how I could make it look like an accident. I Wanted to make sure that my affairs were in order that there was insurance in place My wife and my kids because I was in such a dark place And I was in darkness because of a number of things and one of my therapists that I have Been privileged to spend time with said that when you have a traumatic event in your life There's something that can occur called a split What happens in the split is because you don't have the language or the understanding of what happened to you You literally compartmentalized that and you you literally act like it's not there And you just keep moving on and you have to become something else So now you have two people Warring in the same space and I don't know if other people have had to endure this And over the past few years I Started what should have been a lifelong journey of addressing some of these traumas And when I study about the demonic act and how Jesus delivered him The part that blows my mind is at the end what it says that the man was sitting and clothed And in his right mind The love and I pray that you would prosper and be in good health even as your soul prosperous soul prosperity is critical And I've been fighting for everybody else My whole life and I never felt worthy of freedom. I never felt worthy of wholeness And this is why I tried to literally give everything back that God ever gave me I Answered the call, but the call didn't change my trauma My trauma required an aggressive about face I've always wanted to serve God. I've always wanted to Be the man that God could be pleased with but the truth is I've been carrying so much weight for at least 38 years The abuse started at four happened at four and I didn't tell my own mother for 15 years Because I was so afraid that it was my fault so everything from identity to sexuality to processing relationships all of it was skewed and Tainted and broken and I lived in a very dark place And it's only by the grace of God that he was even allowing me to face these things and There's a difference again between excuses and reasons excuses are the devil and this is the third and the truth is everybody has things But because of my own fear because of my own shame I Attempted to run from the process And I stopped doing the work Because there's work that has to be done. Can't just go to counseling for three months You got to keep going if it takes years you got to go But it's hard when you're the person that everybody's counting on for a word from God And if I can be honest There was a moment in my life where I didn't want to preach anymore Because I felt like everybody else is getting free and I'm still in bondage and nobody sees it so And I want to be clear on this guys and some of you all don't know me man. I know who he is John Gray kind of rose to fame from being Coming up through Joel Osteen charismatic preacher Which you expect And so as he rose to the ranks Apparently he had you know, like a lot of people had gotten kind of caught up in the fame And again, I'm not gonna really spend too much time over, you know, really just him because I don't know him Doubt that he'll hear this but someone like a John Gray will hear this and that's the whole reason why I'm even saying this This isn't his first time having to deal with this and of course He said like the first time that it was an emotional farewell If anyone gave you the benefit of the doubt in the past you brother you've lost that Okay, and apparently that you you had this emotional affair with the wrong person person who actually keeps Video tapes and video evidence and so forth and recordings and so But the issue really in him But the issue is what he said how he said it what he was trying to convey and this is where I come in guys This is up my alley. Let me tell you why one you heard some of you heard my story before and so I can identify with this I Also like him had committed in the fair and The first thing that you want to do When you when you do when you get caught I should say because the issue is getting caught when you get caught you feel bad You feel bad part of feeling bad is I got caught. That's that's the best of that's the initial sting The other part is you also start feeling some kind of ways anger, you know about how you got outed what happened and so forth and so there's all these different emotions that are running through you and I'm saying this not again not for him But for somebody else what he did was not repentant at all. It was not first of all He said that his he spoke about his therapist your therapist Know what you needed were what you needed was where some godly men to tell you sit down and shut up I'll get to that in a second and I want to pull up obviously. We're gonna look at some passages This won't be very long But he said some statements that just it clicked it reminded me of me It reminded me of me what I was feeling what I was thinking how I wanted to Get away Someone has no no my wife didn't leave me. I didn't leave her. No, we're still together But it took God dealing with me. Listen There's two ways that you can be repentant One you can be repentant on your own or two This is the way that most of us have it happen to us is that God does something something happens to you that causes you to be Repentant either way, hopefully you get to point to where you are repentant But with him all the signs were there everything that he said is just reminiscent of me I remember even as he said I had suicidal thoughts. Well, all that really is by the way suicide is selfishness As the psychologist is it is what it is. It's a sad form of it. It's bothersome. It's a tragic form But that's what it is. It's a focus on you But no his suicidal tendencies weren't like those who were really even truly contemplating it His suicidal tendencies were like mine that you know what I'd like for this all to be over with and maybe if I if I died some kind of way the insurance would kick in and everybody would be happy I'd go to heaven. That's really what it was and you know He wasn't serious because he didn't attempt to go through with it And so him even stating that him even stating that was just a way to garner some sympathy Guys, I know what I'm talking about and this is some of the things I dealt with one with inmates former prisoners ex-cons and so forth folks who had to come to grips with themselves and so The things they talk about and I kind of wrote down what he talked about he talked about his past his past abuse He talked about past images. He talked about his past struggles He talked about and I don't know if you caught that but he talked about his struggles How hard it is? Everyone is wanting to lean on me and not realizing I've got struggles too. We didn't play the clip But he also brings up the quintessential Pass the buck sort of statement when you get caught or when you sin. What do you think he said? Nobody's perfect That that's what you had to say Clearly you are not repentant and now it's again. It's not for him But for anyone who says that what you really want guys when you get caught is you want to you want folks to think that You've learned your lesson Without having any punishment You want folks to think that you've learned your lesson without there being any kind of consequences because Lord forbid I don't want any consequences that come with this It's just human nature. I don't want I don't want to suffer the ramifications of my actions and so he talked about Kind of in the spiritual sense He he tried to be the spiritual person again because he talked about what he has to do He said there's there's still work to do and what God wants for him to do No Let me tell you what God wants for you to do the same thing he wanted for me to do the same thing He wants for anyone who is in her especially in leadership, especially in leadership more so in leadership because God if you are in leadership like he is now do I think he's a false teacher without a question all day and twice on Sunday He's a false teacher, but he's still teaching people. He's still a leader and God has a stricter judgment for those who placed themselves who volunteered steps up to lead people in the ministry And so he's not going to have his name Tarnished and so when they fall that we fall hard Hopefully you take some time away and let God work on you whatever the the character flaw is in your life Whatever it is you give God the time to work on it You don't put a time frame on it and certainly being away the first time for three months. That wasn't enough that I'm pretty sure listen Rule of thumb if your time away is shorter than the time of your sin It's probably not going to work out. Well, so let's say I don't I don't know how long his his other Emotional affairs were going on But if it was a year within you know what maybe you need at least a year away You need some time to let God work in you and so I would say this to John or anyone else Harsh as it is This is exactly what I would say to all the other brothers that I've counseled who try to come to grips with What they are and where they are rule number one shut up Shut up as a matter of fact, let me tell you how I told these guys who are on their way to hell shut the hell up Shut up close your mouth. You are on your way to hell Repent change this attitude this direction that you're going in let God work in you So number one shut up to sit down You say that you're not trying to make excuses and there's a difference between excuses and reasons. Well, no one cares That's the fact no one cares to hear any that in that message you're showing Close your mouth be quiet Let us know let it if you want to see something let us see your mouth close You had it open for all these years That's part of the problem why you why you're in trouble. That's that's how we get our week Most cases we talk our way into sin in most cases we talk our way in the sin So rule number one shut up through number two were rule number two remember rule number one You'll be you'll be much better off. You can then begin the process and then two again necessarily sit down sit down Shut up. Seriously be quiet sit down go away stay out of sight Don't be in such a hurry to get back into the ministry It may be it may be that you are permanently disqualified from the ministry and That's okay That's okay, because if if you give God an opportunity to work in your heart He may have something different for you, but it may be that you are forever staying I'm not saying that's what it is, but it may be that you may have Sullied your credibility now. Let's be honest a person like John Gray. He's already had he already has in the workings How he's coming back that that part I'm pretty sure he's got in the workings How he's coming back. Why do I say that because I did too I felt like you know what I probably just move away to the side step away And I really did feel bad felt bad for myself that bad felt bad about for my wife and children Felt bad for the ministry and the church and so forth. I just felt bad But then after feeling bad You then real quickly start feeling sorry for yourself you start wanting this to go away and and and you start warning folks I say well, listen, can't you tell can't you see that I'm repenting? Can't you see that? I'm sorry. What's wrong with you and then you get angry you start to fortune it And that's why you need to sit down and go away You need to go somewhere where they don't need you don't care about you Just a regular old person and they can deal with you as a matter of fact You probably need to go somewhere where other people are just like you Other folks are falling and they are honest. I Said this before if you're going somewhere Let's say for example you are in the mall or you're at amusement park And you're trying to find a particular ride or particular shop or store and you don't know where it is You go to the directory you look on the directory and say and it'll say okay This is where this is the next thing you need to find out is that little on the directory The little x or the circle of the square that says you are here why you need to know exactly where you are Well, John Gray and this was a the same place for me and other folks who have found themselves fallen You need to find out where you are and then it probably shouldn't look Appealing it probably won't look nice or feel nice But you need to own it you need to take responsibility for what you've done for where you are and only listen If you are if you have lied on it. Hey, I'm a liar. If you have stolen I'm a thief if you have cheated. I'm a cheat. I'm a I'm a I'm a sexual pervert whatever it is own it The reason why a lot of men Die and one and one reason why they die earlier than women is because men tend to take longer to go to the doctor To get to get examined and to find out what this nagging issue is we deal with and deal with an anakazo It's nothing and so whatever the issue was with John. He's known about it He's known about it for some time matter of fact He kind of alluded to it But he he he puts it off as though something in the past is causing that and the devil is using that to attack him Well, we all have gone through something Everybody's got a story. Everybody's got something that they dealt with something that wasn't so godly But you proved how less of a man at least especially a man of God a leader a preacher that you were by succumbing to it especially especially after getting caught the first time or Maybe that was a second time. I'm not sure but You know what kind of fool you have to be to get caught and publicly embarrassed and then do the exact same thing again See the last time you bought a $200,000 car for your wife I don't know what you're gonna buy this time and I feel bad for her If they're children for them as well because this public stain also affects her I don't know what what what her issue is I won't I won't impugn her motors or anything like that or whatever because it's on you But this is for anyone else when you repent repentant means that you change everything you turn everything not just your actions But also your heart is what I want to do is obviously we need to go to the scriptures And let's pull up one of the famous passages about repentance. This is Psalm 51 Matter of fact, let's start from the beginning says 51 verse one. Let's read this take our time with this He says have mercy on me. Oh God According to your steadfast love according to your abundant mercy Matter of fact, you know what I do. You know what I do. I want to read this from The what my favorite text to read out of I'm gonna read this I know it's not quite King James for some of you guys, but I want to read from the new King James version He says have mercy upon me. Oh God according to your loving kindness according to the multitude of your tender mercies blot out my Transgression, okay, so what David wants is Lord hair hurry up and take away my transgressions. I Want them out of my side. I know you want them out of your side. So God do us both a solid Let's get rid of the transgression. So we don't have to deal with this anymore Oh, by the way, you need to understand when David made this prayer When David made David didn't make this prayer immediately He didn't make the prayer immediately after he had slept with Bathsheba He didn't make the prayer immediately after being warned by Jonathan or After the baby's death. No, this was about a year later So it took David some time and so there were things that were happening that kind of caused him to do this So oftentimes again, you have the opportunity to repent on your own But oftentimes it takes others or other things to kind of move the needle force and so he says Wash me thoroughly from my iniquity and cleanse me from my sin For I acknowledge my transgressions and my sin is always before me Against you only have I sinned and done this evil in your sight that you may be found just when you speak and Blame us when you judge Behold I was brought forth in iniquity and in my sin and in sin my mother conceived me Behold you desired truth in the inward part And in the hidden part of you part you will make me to know wisdom Look what he says purge me with Hyssop and I shall be clean wash me and I shall be whiter than snow. I Don't know if you all know what Hyssop is But to be purged with it doesn't even sound good does it this little scrubbing purge me And so it looks like David is Serious about this so he says purge me with Hyssop and I shall be clean wash me and I should be whiter than snow That's his whole goal out of this He says make me hear joy and gladness that the bones that you have broken may rejoice. Oh There it is Make me to hear joy and gladness that the bones you have broken may rejoice So oftentimes it's the punishment that causes us to be more repented Thank God for the punishment. I'm gonna say that for me. Thank God for the punishment He says hide your face from my sins and blot out my iniquity Creating me a clean heart. Oh God and renew a steadfast spirit within me In other words David is saying I need the heart in me changed This is what needs to be changed this heart. This heart is the problem. It ain't my eyes. It ain't my fingers It ain't my feet. It's not my environment. It's not my daddy beat me. My mother didn't love me My friends didn't weren't even my friends. I didn't get in the cause that I wanted to go to I can't find a good date. Whatever. I can't find it. It's none of those things It's none of those things. It's my heart. So Lord God, please cleanse my heart That's the issue here. Do not cast me away from your presence and do not take your Holy Spirit from me Restore to me the joy of your salvation and uphold me by your generous spirit Then I will teach transgressors your ways and sinners to be converted To you deliver me from the guilt of bloodshed Oh God that the God of my salvation and my tongue show sing aloud of your righteousness So now David is finally exhibiting a repentant heart That's what he's doing now for this other person though. We see John well brother list right now you are disqualified from the service of preaching Paul says in 1st century he says this is trustworthy saying if anyone aspires to the office of overseer He desires a noble task and then we go down through this of the this this this criteria for this man And let's go to a couple things that he says One he says he must manage his own household well with all dignity keeping his children submissive now He has to be I'm sorry. The first one is that he has to be the husband of one wife now granted He's not married to someone else or whatever, but he is Acting like he's got another wife somewhere And so he's violated that already and also the fact that he is not managing his own household. Well, the Bible says more over He must verse 7 be well thought of by outsiders so that he may not fall into disgrace into the into a snare of the devil Well, right now you're not thought of well by outsiders or insiders There's no one thinks well of you right now And that's a good thing if you let it if you let it it can work to your benefit It can grow you to make you to become a better man There are a lot of stories about men and women who fallen and the Lord worked in they'll they yield and let the Lord work in them And they changed they became somebody different now For this person for anyone that caught up that's caught up in that particular sin Look what it says in verse 75 80 says but if anyone does not provide for his relatives or his own family and Especially for members of his household. He has denied the faith and his worst and unbeliever He's worse than an unbeliever This isn't something to be taken lightly and so anyone that's caught up in that listen. There is forgiveness There is there is restitution But it's just not quick That's the problem. It's just not quick And so while you can be restored John or and it's not again not necessarily for John but for anyone You've gone through something you've dealt with something you can be restored The issue is though you can't determine how you get back You you have lost you have forfeited the right to determine How your walk into a particular ministry is going to go you have forfeited that right? Okay, just like anyone that's gone to jail You have forfeited a lot of rights by the mere fact that you've committed this crime and by the mere fact that you Commit this crime this offense against God and your family you have forfeited that right to state how you're going to do things How things are going to be done But what it does though if you recognize that and you own what what you are and where you are then you can become humble Being humble is hard Humility is difficult Oftentimes we get it by being humiliated meaning something or someone else does it to us and causes us to be humble But as long as you're humble Paul had to have a thorn in the flesh in him and he cried out three days three times take it away But he said but he was told no it's staying my great sufficient and he told us why so that he would be humble And so it's difficult to be humble, but let it humble you It's it's bad tasting medicine, but it'll help you but make no mistake about it guys what you heard The statement that he made that's not a repenting statement And so because of that and I feel I feel comfortable and confident saying so I've seen it over and over And and I've said it myself. I've said the same thing and I know what true repentance looked like I certainly know what it doesn't look like what false or full repentant look like that full repentance that he has It's not it. And so what's likely to happen? What's likely to happen is You jump back up too soon because you felt like hey, it's been it's been a few weeks now It's been a few months now. I'm on to the next thing. God has forgiven me because When people get up start and say that God has forgiven me first indication that they were never repented in the first place God has forgiven me. I've moved on They haven't repented. I pray that he has I pray, you know what? I pray that I'm wrong about my assessment I pray that I don't think so. I don't think so, but I pray I pray that I'm wrong I pray that his heart is broken Because that's what he wants. He says the sacrifice I didn't read this but the sacrifice of the Lord are broken and contrite heart to be broken Are you broken by your sin? Whatever it is? Are you broke? Is is Does your heart just cry out for what you've done not by the the ramifications of it by where you are But by what you did that's what it means to be repentant And it just bothers you even to think about it. David said my sin is before but we're talking about almost a year later And he says my sin is before me the thing that he did he is still bothers him There's this guilt now. I'm not saying God wants you to carry this guilt around with you but he's gonna use that guilt to Build you back up. Let him do it And you'll only let him do it if your heart is broken if it's contrite That's the only way and so guys. I want to do this real quick before I Still haven't worked on the lesson that I intended to work on I'll work on that But that I saw that and it just it bothered me it bothered me to see somebody to and I hope no one I really hope no one else sees it because what could happen the good party is Someone can see it and say, you know what John? I don't think that you are repenting I don't I don't believe you and matter of fact He should know that you haven't earned you have forfeited the benefit of the doubt Even those that may have given you the benefit of the doubt the last time You've got folks that come and join your church because hey You are famous name and this and that but No, you are your poison now your poison either right now, but no one needs to touch you or to be around you I pray for his wife and his children or family whoever's around him But I also pray that there be men around him to tell him what he needs to hear Just like I had the same thing. I needed I needed men around me to tell me. Hey be quiet. Shut up I'm not talking about kind of weak men That would allow me to tell them how I'm doing no they told me no Corey This is how you're doing. This is what it is And I needed that and of course I thought though that I got all that Lord Why do I still have to go to prison? Well, no, sorry. I got yeah, their words were good enough But my work is ain't finished with you. I'm gonna do this the right way and so And I could not complain about the consequences. I could not complain about the ramifications because I did it With the people got on stage or one the one person got on the stand and turned his back on me I could not be upset with that person because I put myself in that position. So That's what broken is look. That's what humility. That's what Repentance looks like when you take the blame, you know what? I got it coming. I got it coming And if what I have come in Lord still if it doesn't result in me missing heaven If it doesn't result in me not being with you forever I'll take that I'll take that if it means that I've got to suffer with this for the rest of my life Because oftentimes your sin will still leave scars that are gonna be with you for the rest of your life Just as there would be a reminder ask Jacob who's hop Hip socket was put out of out of place for wrestling with God And there was always this reminder when he walked that that that was more in the scar there And so the point is guys anyone If you really want to find someone or in yourself to be repentant the first thing you want to look forward is this Just being quiet Just just just being quiet. No one no one needs to cry for you. You shouldn't want anyone to quiet cry for you You should cry For your family Be quiet and be dismissed. Just sit down. Let us let us let us ask in a year from now Hey, whatever happened to John Gray, let's do that. Hey, whatever happened to so-and-so. It's what happened with me and then God in his own timing Do not faint in well-doing Why because in doing well in due season at the appointed time at the appropriate time at the right time You shall reap your reward. Amen. Amen guys